Passive aggressive. Folks who don’t have the courage to address an issue, honestly. Hidden agendas. One of those I really dislike and avoid. Pouting, one word answers, snarky attitude.., I’m out. Great stuff, Clay.
Or people that have addressed and confronted the issue, and no changes have been or occurred in the other person's behavior. Last resort, to me. Like I've tried everything else. 🤷♀️ a great video and message nonetheless. 👍
In my opinion, people who are consistently passive aggressive aren’t able to have healthy relationships. Mainly because plausible deniability is involved, which can lead to gaslighting when confronted. I also find that the silent treatment shows a lack of commitment to a relationship; deliberate willingness to leave issues unresolved. On another note, I don’t know how narcissists don’t get exhausted living in a perpetual power struggle (since they will do all of these things). Great video Clay, always solid content 👍
Hi Clay. I've been a Psychologist for 30 years..and yours is one of the best explanations of passive aggressive behavior that I've heard. By nature or values, many people simply aren't comfortable with conflict. So they use what strategies they have.
Yeah I liked the starting sentence of what is passive aggressive. Somewhere along the lines of, subtle insults to completely toxic behavior. well he didn't say insults, But that was the only way I understood passive aggressive up until I learned it's a behavior thing too. And let me tell you I did not like the new definition of passive aggressive to latch on to what I kinda enjoyed. Like it was a way someone who was being patient with a goof insult the goof for saying something that presents themselves as a goof. Or anyways sorry for bothering ya
In the workplace you have to be extremely careful with calling people out. They get their little feelings hurt and call HR and you are on the bread line tomorrow.
In my opinion, our society kind of encourages passive aggression. I prefer communicating with people who communicate directly, but those who directly communicate sometimes are accused of being aggressive when they are just being direct. I have seen this play out frequently and it leaves me confused every time!
Nearly everyone over the age of 3 has been passive aggressive and has had it done to them. It’s as much a part of human behaviour as kindness. An integral part of our shadow side. Expect it from others and catch it in yourself and pivot to directness if possible. You may lose people but those who stay are the keepers.✌️
When it’s a family member, the no tolerance becomes difficult. Although, I’ve mentioned my concerns, things get better for a bit and then return to usual. But, I agree with you. I’m a tell it like it is kind of person. So when I have to deal with behaviors that aren’t welcoming it feels like a hurtle. Straight shooter is the only way for me.
The silent treatment can also be because in the moment you feel so hurt that you just shut down. You don't know what to say oe you'll start crying and then people will think you're overreacting so you just go away for a bit to calm down and maybe sort out your feelings first.
When I go silent, it is because the other person is refusing to solve a problem with me. I’m not going to pretend it is all cool when it is not. I have people in my life who just want to scrape conflicts under the rug and pretend all is good. I’m not doing that.
Yes, what would be the alternative as a huge percentage of people shun communication. I want to dance and harmonize. I don’t want to be abused or abuse anyone. I feel torn.
Or they don't listen to you. They interrupt when you try to talk. They do not hear what you are saying when you do talk. They tell you why you are wrong, the end. There is not point in talking. It is just more pain.
I've met a lot of passive-aggressive people throughout my life with malicious intentions, really hurt me. But I do recognize several of these characteristic in myself. It does create a worse relationship as time goes.
@@grumpyschnauzer I agree, the cycle of passive-aggression is really dangerous especially when it is not recognized. Although, after recognizing the cycle, we must end it. We must not stop improving when we realize the cycle we are in. We are responsible for stopping passive-aggressiveness in ourselves; if not, it could result in hurting our loved ones and ourselves. These are my thoughts on this, sorry for a long rant. I felt the urge to comment because I also had this experience. However, after recognizing I was in a cycle of passive-aggression. I didn't do anything to stop it. It continued to hurt me and my loved ones further.
I am a repeat violator of passive aggressive behavior lol. I lack the social skills to always communicate directly what I want or how I feel, but in reality I take it out on myself by getting quiet and withdrawing or withholding because I'm not finding any joy in it. I hate that because it's not fair to my partner, and I work on it. But he's a Leo...we may have fights soon.
Here's an example from a recent break up with a passive aggressive cover narcissistic. I told him "I don't like the way you treat me I deserve better than this". His response was, "I really hope you get what what you think you deserve."
I recently discovered your channel and I've already listened to many of your talks. It's interesting and comforting to find out someone you don't know, who lives in another part of the world and has experienced different situations, thinks similar about certain things. Even better, this 'someone' is a man who grew up in a different culture and country where the thinking scheme is so way different (I'm from Mexico); which proves that these geographical and biological differences are superficial and don't prevent humans to have deep connections with others, even when they occur through Internet. So, thank you Clay, keep up the awesome work. Stay focused, stay calm.
Thank you so much for this video. Going through a time in my life of lots of self reflection, trying to learn and grow. I have always been a people pleaser and felt so much guilt. On the other hand, I have also noticed some of these behaviors coming from others, even closest friends ( or who I though were my friends) but as I kept watching I was also confronting my own passive aggressiveness thinking: “I just didn’t know better”, “ I dint know how to express what I felt”” maybe I felt unseen, frustrated, sad”...I believe we all have been passive aggressive at some point but it’s necessary to self reflect and learn to be more direct with each other. The world would be a much better place. Thank’s again for helping me grow a little more today :)
@blessme7853 Absolutely not. The world would be a time bomb. Conflict is just a part of life, as is peace. If people are afraid of conflict and hence avoid dealing with it and suppress their anger, this is the best recipe for WAR.
Thank you for this video. I have been aware of being, or just feeling, passive-aggressive at times. In the heat of the moment the best I could manage to derail my toxic inclinition was to quit the situation. It's such a revolting behavioral tendency that I didn't want to deal with it. Your comments on helplessness and fear resonated. Your insights give me a starting point for analyzing what I can change in myself before directing toxicity outward.
I am currently living in my cousin's house who has almost all these traits, as an Infj I am trying my best not to absorb all the negative energy they have especially the silent treatment when they have fight and the intentional annoyance of my 9 yr. old nephew everytime he doesn't get what he wanted, I am so done. I promised myself I'll get out of here after my online class is finished. 😩 Thanks for a great video Clay! 😊
Thanks for this video; it resonated with me. The ultimate way for a passive-aggressive person to say'no' without saying 'no' is to say 'yes', then just not do it. Like the time my ex agreed to pick up our daughter at the airport but went out drinking instead. Typical for him; I think the 'reward' for him came from being the nice guy by agreeing to do something. Once he got the warm-fuzzies he didn't see the need to actually do the thing he promised. To his great surprise, that usually got him in a heap of trouble. Go figure.
Learned helplessness 😤 that really annoys me. Once I start picking up that someone is doing that I let them know they'll still be called on to do what they need to!! So it's up to them how they show up. Funny how they eventually "learn" to do the thing properly!
great video. i like the part about not accepting and calling out a passive aggressive behavior. What would be your response to a close person that is giving all kinds of reasons and explanations denying their passive-agressiveness or they try to prove correctness of their behavior after you call them out? Or maybe even how do you call them out on it in the first place?
My husband is a mechanical engineer that pretends he can't cook. He pretty much refuses to pitch in and help with cooking whatsoever. He just won't do it. Even though I have expressed how upset I am about it and how angry and bitter I am. He's still refuses to help. Talk about weaponized incompetence.
Great video, thank you! There is another definition of learned helpless that results from being victimized. A metaphorical example would be an elephant that is tied up its' entire life. When the rope is finally removed the elephant goes nowhere as it has learned that it is helpless.
I really enjoyed watching your video just now. You have some great examples of passive aggressive behaviors. I had some distractions right now with the holiday weekend so will listen again to your video tomorrow before I add further commentary that comes to mind to it. What I heard of your video was spot on! I deal with a passive aggressive MIL who I think from my armchair psych view over the last few year of her relatively minor abuse is a covert narcissist. It's troublesome to say the least. She is NOT obvious in the BS she does, but I have put the pieces of the wacky puzzle together over time. It's pathetic.
Great video. I agree with requiring direct communication of anyone these days. Why live with emotional bullshit, eh?? I used direct communication on my sister and when I quietly said NO she immediately began vigorously violating my boundaries with “but she likes you better; she doesn’t like me as much as she likes you”. And on and on. It was curious how much her demeanor amped up when she finally grasped the multiple NOs while we were sitting in a full coffeehouse. Also a note on the “learned helpless” wording; I see other comments and agree that It is not learned helplessness. As you said in the video, they’re pretending. It is Feigned helpless. It is a control to make you believe they are incompetent. I guarantee if they lived alone they’d figure out ASAP how to do the things they pretend not to be capable of doing. It is more likely that they already know how to do it. The cure for cleaning issues is this (I do this still when necessary): “You missed a spot.” Or “that’s not clean, I can see the grease/dirt.” And I stand there while they redo. I am not mean about it. But I am firm.
i feel like some of these apply to me. i usually expect people to just know why i am mad at them rather than confronting them and telling them about how i actually feel. I avoid conversations when i am mad because i feel like i might be being overdramatic but there actions still hurt me and i dont want them to start hating me either so i just avoid them altogether. i guess its kind of a coping mechanism.
Honestly I'm definitely a passive and indirect attacker but I'm not passive aggressive because I rather address the problem directly at the person that created the problem in the first place which is the reason why I'm extremely blunt and brutally honest especially in the workplace
Good question! I used to just say ‘that’s passive aggressive!’. Eventually I learned that people never took that well lol. So now I try to be more diplomatic and try not to use a label for it.
My last manager was toxic PA....he was sly , the reason he couldn't be direct was because I was not the one doing anything wrong.....he just took out his anger of somebody else on me in passive manner because he doesn't have to explain then....such a ba****d
Ugh! I catch myself doing this (without evil intent) when I am not feeling well sometimes. I do it to avoid bringing emotions into the picture when I don't feel well and might magnify their importance or "set him off" in some way. Or if something is blatantly obvious, but he's oblivious. If he asks "what's wrong?" then I feel safe telling him, but then worry if I have alienated him. The unresolved issue is, a few months ago 3 pairs of my reading glasses went missing on the same day. I had 5 and they were left in their usual places. They are dollar-store glasses, not $$valuable but necessary. That day, my best friend and one of his best friends were the only visitors at the house. My friend was never unsupervised, but his was. So I while I don't think this was malicious (a childish joke?), it happened, and the glasses still haven't showed up. There were means and opportunity, but no motive....he claims no knowledge....I have a place for everything and everything in its place, so this is the example of "obvious/oblivious" mentioned in the long ramble above. :) Now I lock up everything.
Clay, do you do consultations, or can you help me pick apart an event that happened 12 months ago. I was called passive aggressive by someone, when I thought I was being honest and trying to gently set a boundary about some conduct this person had engaged in for a few years prior. I've spent a year googling the words "passive aggressive" to find out if what I said was. But where it's landed me, is that I'm left thinking this person has been passive aggressive frequently to a number of people. Things got really horrible, and I got into what HG Tudor refers to as a "cliff fightback" (I think? Maybe I'm the abusive one?). It's really bugging me, and I don't know if they were in the wrong, if I was in the wrong, or if we both were. It's basically asking if you could do a conversation analysis. Obviously I'd pay you for your time, as that's only fair and proper, plus I'll make anonymous everyone involved.
That’s how I feel I don’t know how to talk about how I feel I’m trying to not do this it’s unintentional bc I’m tired of my boundaries being crossed I’m afraid
Was I being passive aggressive towards this customer? One night right before closing I went up to a customer who didn't have very many items in her shopping cart and asked her if I could retrieve the shopping cart for her right after she left the register, I did this so I won't have to go back outside to retrieve the shopping cart, unfortunately the front end supervisor who rang her up overheard it and berated me for it, I did let the front end supervisor know she hurt my feelings because I did claim I was only trying to be nice to the customer so she won't have to return the cart herself, while the front end supervisor apologized for yelling at me she thought I was very rude asking for asking the customer if I could retrieve the shopping cart for her because she thought I was trying to rush her. I didn't know there was such thing as passive aggressive behavior at that time.
If you already know that someone suffers from your passive agressiveness, like the partner in that example, you are banking on them having childhood trauma from a parent using this tactic to educate a kid, withdrawal of love. All for you to be coddled, that is selfishness, not love. I find the best way to deal with passive agressiveness is calling it out, saying that you see them acting badly and for what reason. Or keep watching and ignoring it and play the long game, patiently waiting for the passive aggressive person to implode.
I am living with someone who has been breaking my things "accidentally" for the last 3 years. A lot of my plates / bowls are chipped, including my favourite pasta dishes, that he knows are my favourite. I finally realised that only MY crockery is getting chipped, the crockery HE brought into the relationship is perfect.
rip i use those techniques when i am pissed rly hard with the person disrespecting me or being passive agressive as well. annoying me generally, but there i try to see if it's intentional or not, if he's a close one or not. when the person is actually caring to me, i try to not hurt them, so that's where i stop and try to change my behaviour. but if i am pissed, no matter what... i get impulsive and its not easy.i just back off and am alone (it seems to ppl as passive agressive too lol, but i am actually that angry i try not to talk for good) i have to get rid off annoying ppl and passive agressive ones too :p
Can I just say, especially with the passive aggressive comments, please check for a pattern of behaviour. I'm not passive aggressive generally. If i don't like soneone I will tell them. I also live with multiple disabilities and some days when I am in pain I can withdraw. Ive noticed that people become offended by this as though my behaviour is directed towards them, when it has nothing to do with them at all. Im just in pain. There is one lady I've been trying to get to know and on a friendship kevel I actually quite like her. But i think she has been subjected to a Narc in her life and I sense that she is hypervigilant for Narcissistic and passive aggressive behaviour. I was genuinely trying to give her a compliment but when I walked away I thought that came out wrong and I understand that it could be interpreted as passive aggressive but that really wasnt my internet. If anything maybe I was trying too hard. I've now given up on this woman. We can't make people like us, of they decide they dont want to like you. By the same token, getting upset and lashing out at people because they dont want to get to know you isnt good either. Ithink videos like these are great at educating people, but by the same token, some times they dont go far enough to explain there msy be other things going on with people.
A team of a grandmother, mother, and daughter that hate on a father is what I mostly see. This is the family of my s/o and the GOSSIP is ridiculous. Grandmother is single and the mother was never loving to the dad (around me at least). There’s just this aura… this vibe that everyone just wants to hate on him. Gf’s been TAUGHT that men will always leave her. That puts me (the bf) at an automatic disadvantage.
It's hard to know what to do when the person who is passive aggressive is your mother-in-law. she cuts the topics and ends up silent and ignoring everything.
I am not going to be a people pleaser. In Jesus name. I demand respect and honesty. I do not care who it bothers or makes uncomfortable. Cause if I am being honest then everyone should be honest with me and if they can't then that is their problem. I do not owe anyone anything, especially not my company if they cannot be honest with themselves or me
I do not hate anyone, but I cannot stand passive aggressiveness it is a lie it is a bold face lie cause if you can't be real why are you in any form of relationship??? you might as well just be quiet and deal with whatever issue you have on your own if that's the case, they silent treatment is so wrong lol I will literally stop dealing with them cause its weird as hell. We have a whole God out here, it aint no need to take your emotions/pain out on anybody. In Jesus name amen
So I know a person (Let's call her Bob). Bob likes to use a few of these behaviors and I can't just avoid her because she is my partner at work - I'm her supervisor. Recently, a person that we both know passed away. Bob and I only know this person from work. I've notice that Bob is using a kind of 'faked grief' to avoid doing work or following the rules. Do you think Bob has major issues - like psychopathy. Just wanted to hear your opinion on that. I've been watching your videos for a few months and enjoy the content.
Careful, learned helplessness is not necessarily intentional- the example you give sounds nothing like the learned helplessness of people who actually experienced helplessness and developed neural pathways for helplessness. Feeling truly helpless is terrifying and depressing.
A couple other people have pointed this out and after some research it seems people are using this same term in a couple different ways with different meaning. I’m not sure if there’s a better word for what I’m talking about which is more intentional
Okay I don't think learn helplessness is that cuz I have learned helplessness and it's actually I don't believe that I can do things it's a low self-esteem thing not a manipulative tactic of doing it half-ass to piss off or to get back at somebody it's actually really can't do something and you've learned to be helpless it's inability to initiate tasks and it's a cognitive disability not necessarily a manipulation.
I don't mean to offend you Clay, but to me this Video sounds like a passive aggressive message to some you think is very passive aggressive xD. Hope you know what I mean
My employer pays me whatever they want. Its frustrating. No Holiday pay,hours are unpredictable. I want unemployment. I think i qualify for being shit canned if that's basically the point.
Are you a therapist ? You either misunderstand or are misusing the term "Learned helplessness" completely. Learned helplessness is a result of long-term emotional abuse, where a person is taught that nothing they do ever works, they are constantly or on an irregular basis, being gaslighted and shown repeatedly that they are powerless. that all of their attempts are helpless.
I’ve mentioned this elsewhere in the comments but there seems to be two ways the term is used. The important part isn’t the word I’m using, but the idea behind it.
Don't. Then you are a coward. If you have a problem, realise what it is, sit with it and think: is it that person, or is it my insecurities? It is a sticky and uncomfortable feeling
the people i work with are making me go crazy one person gets overly mad when stressed, another doesnt know when to stop (talking shit or purposely annoying others) and the third always has to put others down and gang up on the people below him because he's insecure
Passive aggressive people HATE confident people that make it clear they will not tolerate the BS. My roommate tried leaving notes and I confronted him, looked at him in the eye and said in a calm voice "If you have a problem, you tell it to me face to face like a man. Do you understand?" The notes stopped instantly.
Passive-aggressive (covert-aggressive is the contemporary term) people are unfortunately immune to therapy. I'm sure many therapists would take issue with this, but many would agree that they would at least require special training. It took years before I recognized how truly covert-aggressive my partner was. I actually started calling it sneaky-aggressive when I had only known the term passive-aggressive. When I recognized the behavior I saw how truly devious it is, so I hated the term passive-aggressive since it isn't passive. It's aggression sneaking under the radar so it's even harder to fight. Mr. Arnall mentions its toxicity but never calls it abusive. He is correct that there are degrees just as there are with any patterns of behavior. A physically abusive person may depend on intimidation most of the time while they never go beyond pushing or slapping (still wrong). Others may never show anger until they explode into dislocated shoulders, strangulation, breaking bones, and manslaughter/murder. All behaviors have degrees of intensity and efficacy, even levels of neglect. Covert-aggressive behavior causes depression, anxiety, and destroys confidence. While this happens it leaves no bruises or outward evidence of abuse leaving the abused to feel alone and question their own sanity. There is no doubt that the covert-aggressive may have learned the behavior in order to cope with the dysfunction and/or abuse they suffered growing up. This doesn't justify their abuse of their partners. Remember that no matter how ok someone may seem to you, may behave in front of you, you do not know what goes on when they go home. You don't know what they do to their family. This is a form of abuse that hides better than any other. These are often people who are people pleasers outside the home to anyone except their partner and or other immediate family members. So everyone loves them, and even the abused aren't sure why they feel intimidated by a partner that never hits physically and who is loved by neighbors and friends. If your friend starts to describe covert-aggressive behavior in a partner that you don't believe can be abusive, pay close attention. If this is due to hidden covert-aggressive behavior, your friend needs support because no one sees what he or she is dealing with. Even they might not recognize it for what it is.
Very well said J Dice. I am married to this exact person. Horrible and verbally abusive, avoidant with me, never will address any issues etc. (I am leaving finally). Everyone that meets him will think he's the nicest guy, and I cringe when I hear it.
@@BedfordFalls7 I'm happy you are leaving. It would be best for you to have someone to whom you can vent about what you are going through. I know how difficult it is for people who don't have a support system. At the very least find someone who understands the skillfull way a covert-aggressive wears two faces and manipulates a target to question their own sanity. Take care and I hope to hear from you, but understand you're life is complicated.
I think this type of aggressive behaviour is displayed in all circumstances - family, social, professional - when the exterior / interior conditions of a possible conflict are met. The added layer of masks - in the social circumstances a nice person, at home the opposite - is not particular to passive (covert) aggressive persons. This display of mask means there is another layer of a different disorder, be it of narcissistic type or other. Also, as Cal mentioned, there might be another layer of problems - addictions. Sometimes these layers are so well put up there that it becomes increasingly difficilt to evaluate and take action. For example, (s)he is a narcissist workaholic with p(c)a behaviour.
Thank you Clay for another great video. When I was a teenager and would get in trouble my mother could easily go two months and never say one single word to me. As an empath I could always feel the energy of my mother and between the two it was always so painful. As an adult I have done lots of work and have a better understanding of why my mother reacted the way that she did. It does not excuse her behavior but has given me great insight. I am so grateful for your videos and honest content.
Well done! I like the way you have created this list that's very specific and easy to organize and store in my own memory library to refer to as needed.. I often feel gun shy when it comes to calling out passive aggressive behaviors. I don't want to escalate an already tense situation or throw gasoline on a smoldering fire. So I would love to see some examples of tactful communication when calling out someone who's being passive aggressive.. Thanks,!
The silence treatment is one of the worst manipulative behaviors, it makes you feel like you did something wrong without knowing what you did and make you feel like you're losing your mind. I experienced so much of it in one of my previous relationships, it felt like I was constantly being punished for something. That along with sarcasm.... so glad I'm out of it.
@@somethinggood9267 like him i was in a long term relationship with a narcissist. Help me see and started my learning process to something I was totally ignorant to
I feel really the same. I'm older and I've just come to the conclusion that most people dont have basic manners. I dont have a toleration for personal relationships that make me work too hard at figuring out what they are doing. If it's a work related I remember why they chose this career path and it was not because they had people skills. I'm exhausted from trying to please everyone to a clinical level. So pace yourself. We attract narcissists .
I think the important thing here is that if you suspect someone is being passive-aggressive, you ask them about it... not call the person a name “you’re passive-aggressive” or assume “you’re being passive-aggressive”. The issue with videos reporting on “unsavory behavior” is that it exists in many forms in almost everyone. No one is exempt and when we begin to point at others as possessing these traits we sometimes fail to look in the mirror. Back in the day, certain people with certain traits were known as “assholes” and life moved on. It wasn’t this whole dissection of people’s worse traits so it can become stigmatizing and persecutory. Humanity has a way of taking things and blowing it out of proportion in the labeling category. For instance, everyone looking at their partners now, ticking all the boxes, are revving up “to do something about it” not stopping to ask themselves, “what about me attracts a person with those qualities”? Sometimes they are mirror reflections of who you are, maybe they didn’t learn or weren’t modeled in childhood how to not hide from the truth or articulate what is bothering them. It seems we need to remember to have compassion when entering “you’re this way!” territory and be mindful that for every unsavory trait or behavior we see in others there exists one of equal or greater value in ourselves. Maybe we should talk more about what healthy communication (aka nonviolent communication) and healthy relationships between family, friends, and partners look like. That’s more helpful then priming people to see flaws and negativity in everyone. It misrepresents what is really important... change is possible. If you are with a partner in a relationship where passive-aggression exists it likely exists on both sides somewhere verbally or in behavior. Use Marshalls 4 components for communicating directly: 1) State the observation/what you see in a non-judgmental tone; 2) reflect on how you feel by what you observe; 3) state your values; and 4) make a request from the other person. Example: When I see videos that target people’s worst traits I feel sad because I value humanity finding better ways to affect change with educating and modeling “how to communicate”. Clay, can we have more videos that model and talk about what healthy communication/relationships/people look like, balancing out the perspectives of what many relationships/people actually look like but could use some support in HOW to make it better? My first realization growing up that my family was dysfunctional was seeing the contrast between my family and the families of friends and boyfriends. In addition, observing the contrast between healthy and unhealthy relationships. From there, I began to research the components that make up healthy relationships and how to communicate more effectively. It can be as simple as “We both have been in this cycle of communicating a certain way for some time and I’d really like us to improve the way we communicate because I value what we have. Are you willing to join me on this journey?”
Wow! You think you are the only one who thought about it? You oversimplified everything and trying to make it sound so easy. Yes everyone should learn about 'healthy communication'. You think no one ever said " Let's improve our communication and start on a new journey." Cute.
I welcome any helpful advice on how to do better so we can have fun in a loving and harmonic relationship. There’s many approaches to this whether it’s your original idea or someone else’s regurgitated education. I appreciate information that helps. Thank you.
The video is describing passive-agressiveness. If you want to know how to deal with it, watch videos about assertive communication techniques. It is your right to feel upset and disappointed. To me it seems that you expect others to never explain the problem without the solution. In my opinion your expectation is unreasonable and out of your control.
When someone is being very cold and dismissive , even in a brief business encounter it truly affects me as an empath. Like you said at the end of your video , I call it out now and have almost zero tolerance for it I find it an infuriating attempt to manipulate another person and the situation !
I just want to point out that when someone who's generally warm and friendly towards you suddenly starts acting cold and dismissive for no apparent reason, it can also be a flag that that person is in distress.
Geneviève Carine Robert Oh my , I need to clarify. I was referring to someone I never met who’s job it was to assist me and be of service ! It was completely inappropriate in every level and I did report her to the director of the company ! She was not any one who I ever met before !
Thank you so much for this! So accurate and I never realised that all of these various behaviours are forms of passive aggression. I have been on the receiving end of all of them - many during my former marriage which was intolerable. This video validates my experiences. Sadly also the silent treatment and a couple of others were chronic behaviours of my mum when I was growing up. Really messes you up inside. I really appreciate also your clear distinction between intentional and non intentional pa. As my parents exhibited this behaviour - one thru silence and dismissiveness, the other thru controlling behaviours and disapproving scary face, I had no choice but to learn to use such behaviours myself as I knew no better ways of communicating. I hate pa and being pa now and do try to not behave that way. Thanks so much!
I lived with a passive aggressive man for twenty years until I found out what it was. I nearly went crazy. It's horrible to live with a passive aggressive person. He is a hideous man. Laughs, smirks, verbal abuse,. He was helpless and would say tell me what to do and Ill do it ...followed by you can't tell me what to do! He lied, 'forgot' important things. Sadly, my children have learned those behaviours too. I found my self esteem and left. His hideous father was the same. He learned it from him. It needs to be taken more seriously.
@@ClayArnall mainly issues within friendships, i try to bring things up directly whenever i have something that has hurt me and i have a friend right now who has refused to discuss things with me before but in a very passive aggressive way..... I often feel like the overly sensitive one, or even naggy. Because i am the only one addressing anything,"feeling stuff". My mbti is infp if that is useful.
@@somethinggood9267 I think the problem is so few people are actually capable of being a good friend according to an INFJ or an INFP. It’s quite possible there is no way to ‘fix’ other people according to what you think is wrong. You can let them know your wishes and thoughts but they still have to chose to participate in the relationship willingly. Sometimes we spend so much time trying to make a certain relationship work when maybe the best solution is to put our energy elsewhere into different relationships that have a higher chance of being fulfilling.
@@ClayArnall i think you make some good points, there have definitely been times where i have tried to persuade people to love me. Or stick around even if im not treated well. I think it can be hard for me to know when to draw the line and walk away, because of guilt and perceived obligation to loyalty. Im just now learning about boundaries lol. Hey thanks for taking the time to answer me and helping me mull things over : ) love your channel btw.
I have this tendency too.. I ma unable to express my anger and negative feeling coz my parents used to punish me if I express my true negative feelings 😢😢
My child’s mom , likes to text pages on top of pages , going back and forth from positive Comments about loving me , followed by all the negative things I do wrong in the relationship and how hard she works To Keep Us together . . Leaves me Confused but I’m getting the hang of it .
Look, in short, passive aggressive IS ABUSE and you don't have to study the subject to know when someone is being that way. But you do need to be willing to tell someone goodbye if they start to be that way towards you at around you.
Could the silent treatment be a door slam as well? You have tried to work out a difference and the other person won’t budge, so you close the door but it looks like a silent treatment? I know that I’ve done that before. But then I did have a narcissistic mother, so am I also picking up on behavior I learned from her? Idk. I try to not do it, but there are some people you want out of your life.
A door slam is something different. A door slam is an end to a relationship follows by an enforced boundary. Being silent is only passive aggressive if you’re trying to communicate something through your silence. Or you’re trying to show your displeasure to get some kind of a response.
