A friend of mine had social anxiety as a young person in his late teens. He decided that he would go to the mall, and walk up to people and tell them that he had social anxiety, and was trying to improve by talking to strangers. Almost everyone was happy to start talking with him, after doing this for a few times he inability to approach people in talk with them was much improved. When I met him in has late 30's, you NEVER would have guessed he had this problem. He was married, and had had a lot of girlfriends in the past, and was good at talking in front of other people. It's a skill you can practice!
The quality of your videos are just top notch. Your channel is the epitome of why our time is called the information age. You give out free education, brothers. For that, thank you! Hoping nothing but the best for your channel and I'll continue my viewership.
What helped me was to ask questions of the other person; going through the same topics at first. Where do you live? For how long? Then go on to asking about children, travel, etc. It took the pressure off me and demonstrated an interest in the other person.
The autism point is a good one and also applies to those who are partially sighted. Partially sighted people can have trouble seeing and interpreting social cues, body language, and facial expressions. Their disability may also not be apparent to other people, as other than eyeglasses (which a lot of sighted people incorrectly assume correct a persons’ vision completely), there is little to signal a person is partially sighted, as unlike those who are blind, partially sighted people do not wear sunglasses and may not use a white cane for navigation. There are also conditions such as nystagmus (involuntary movement of the eyes), which make eye contact difficult, and to outside observers unfamiliar with the condition, create the false impression of inattentiveness or not listening.
wow, I agree with that, well said ! ive been told i was disrespectful because I wasnt looking ppl in the eyes when they talked. I had eyes problems for years, and for me the best way im attentive to someone is to actually turn my ear towards them .
This is an ex excellent point as I have been partially-sighted since birth and battered about the head by teachers who never understood or bothered to understand the problem.
The entire topic of conversation has been a learned skill for me, none of these things come naturally. My school years were full of all the mistakes in this video. It was honestly the worst time of my life, trying to connect with people and never succeeding. However, when something doesn’t come naturally, you become aware of it and consciously try to improve yourself, so it becomes a positive if you think of it that way. Now I’m a far better conversationalist than I was before, and I mean FAR better. Before I had no skill in conversation, now I can confidently say I’m better than most.
Brother it's the same for me here. From the horrible social life in school to college, this feeling never leaves me. It was never natural for me. Only natural social interaction I have is with my parents and the friends I have been with for 10 years now. The problem I have is making friends. I'm really bad at my own introduction and reading other people so my only weapon here is time. I have to be with them for a long time to figure out what kind of people they are. Anyways, Im glad things are better now for you and for me. It's all something you can improve on.
The key to conversation is empathy. Whatever the topic, when you meet somebody, look for some shared experience that you can expound on together. Also, when talking about the art of conversation, I feel like the neurologically atypical experience is rarely mentioned, so thank you for talking about that a bit. There are a lot of old school "rules" about "making eye contact" and "giving a firm handshake" that are all things that I'm comfortable with, but my autistic friends may or may not be, and I don't think should be held as an indicator of a person's intelligence (though it often, sadly, is). Let's call it the intellectual "no brown in town" rule, where conventional wisdom should be moving towards those rules being outdated. It's discriminatory and exclusionary to expect every person to look you in the eye and shake your hand. So... while you make strides here suggesting that people be aware of neurologically diverse people, you do them no favours by suggesting that their friends teach them how to mimic the behaviours of neurotypical people. Normal social interactions need to change to be more accepting of people who are neurologically diverse. If somebody doesn't want to shake hands or make eye contact, or has trouble keeping the volume of their voice down when they get excited, we ought to not assume that person is dumb or antisocial. Perhaps we should recognize that that person may not be able to be "taught" to follow social cues, and instead of patronizing or condescending to them, we could just accept that their behaviour will be a valuable part of the milieu of any given gathering.
Haha @Nr.13: I managed twice in my life to ask a woman a question regarding her unborn child only to find out that they weren't pregnant. It was very uncomfortable and very funny at the same time.
lol that's terrible😂😂 i have a similar story; i remember, my little sister grasped a women's belly in winn dixie and asked "when is your baby due". she wasn't pregnant. i felt so bad ... but it was funny only bc she didn't know better.
As a person with Aspergers, I admit to have made all but one of these mistakes in conversations. I admit to still struggle with some of them from time to time, especially #1 and #2. This video is a very good explanation on what to do in conversations and what to avoid.
M. Faraz Samavat plz act them out more they’re hysterical like the table manners one! I showed it to my family and we cracked up but learned something at the same time well they did --all men lol
2:14 Best thing I needed to hear to fix myself. THANK YOU. I'm an introvert and always been left out of conversations and never heard to when I talk so I've been keeping my mouth shut in solitude for many years.... I need to think my input is valuable too.
Thanks for the shout out to your friends on the spectrum! It was a pleasant surprise when you spoke about the difficulties we have when interacting with people, and it's good advice.
Man, this is the best video on this channel. I don’t always agree with a lot of what is said in the fashion advice videos, but I do with this one. If everyone were to watch this video and take in it’s insights, conversation would be a treat, sometimes it still is now, but often times the conversation is ruined by one of the traits on this list.
Oh my goodness...the acting is HILARIOUS! Raphael digs for gold in his nose and grosses-out Preston, and then Preston scolds Raphael and makes him cry LOL.
Me starting a convo with strangers: “so what are your thought on the 793 raid on Lindisfarne and it’s social and geopolitical influence on Celtic Christianity as well as the formation of the British Empire?”
Please tell me more! I feel that I'm inclined to believe that the greater part of England converted to Christianity when they were presented with the Bible as they identified themselves as the birthright tribe of Ephraim on account of the laws they inherited. I know that Alfred the Great, by sovereign decree, caused that the common law be synonymous with the Bible. I also understand there was a Celtic raid on the newly arrived Anglo-Saxon people whereby they discovered that they might take the entire land of Britain by the rule of law, as distinguished from the rule of force. Do you know of this event as well?
Here is a couple more: 1 If you are wearing a smart watch and get a message during a conversation just let it be. If you look down on your watch to see what it was it will easily be mistaken for boredom. 2. When meeting new people at a party don’t start talking about work. Not everyone has an interesting job, they might even be embarrassed about it or not have one at all and have been dreaded going because of those exact questions.
This is very useful and very well done: I think most people would benefit from watching, even if they think they might be socially sophisticated and sensitive. Bravo, Sven, Preston and Kyle.
The moment you quoted Lewis, made me like the channel twice as much, and I already loved it. The man is the finest example of class and high moral standards I have ever heard of.
This video reminds me of the writer in "3 men in a boat", who reads the medical textbook and decides he has every disease in it. I now feel cursed with every social ineptitude and disinclined to ever leave the house again....
mercster great!! I bought my first fountain pen after stumbling upon this channel! Love it! Keep it up fellow the world needs more sophisticated gentlemen these days so badly!!🌸👍
I have a bit of an autism especially in social situations so I can't be on the same tune as others during the interactions but Its great seeing how other socially skilled friends of mine are like flowing in the conversation it's like art.
love your show. this was done brilliantly with humor knowledge on how to be sensitive to others and good taste. Oh and it is very helpful that you gave examples- that was key. just lovely. thank you
I love you, but honestly, this felt like it would be shown at a seminar for robots that want to act like humans between the closeup and the B-roll situations
#2 - I always follow this credo and stick to a few guaranteed conversation starters, usually: A. "Hey, is that that Trump fella great or what?" B. "So, did I mention I was a Vegan?" C. "You know who I really miss? Kevin Spacey..." and D. "You have inordinately large thighs" One of them is bound to get a conversation going.
Sometimes, I think just being a gentleman itself in public is awkward, when others do not want to be reciprocative to it and even think it is contemptible. It's not much of a problem for me to be a confident gentleman when others are harsh because I am naturally honest about it; it's just who I am, but at times it does make me question why people can be so harsh when they don't have to be.
Hi Preston!! Great video! Love your little acting skits so funny ! Plz do more of those! I so enjoyed the table manners one which Sven did!!! Great video plz show your music Preston!!! And guys do more acting skits! 👍👍👍the poor listener is so common someone on their phone while yr talking to them! “Rude Mr. Fawlty I say rude” (if you haven’t watched Fawlty Towers British sit com shows you must watch everybody reading this) probably on Netflix haaaa so funny Preston and great advice👍 Preston plz do a video on how to make friends with your same interests plz make a video of all the “not to dos” such a great video Preston!!!! You look handsome as always love yr outfit!! 👍 well done
What to say if you have passed a deadline of a admissions date and reached later on that month, and the authorities still agree to get you in and provide you a date to be present, you reached on time but they are unable to fulfill the formalities that day, and provide you another day, but now for authentic reasons of being unwell for a week, you reach the next week, and unable to converse, like what to say ,how to start a conversation. What to do, this has been a huge problem to start a conversation with official professional people after making delays and mistakes.
Excellent pattern matching Preston! Very beautiful jacket and tie! Love the combination of the small graph check pattern on the shirt and the stripes on the tie. Where is the tie from? Love the colors.
Your segment on being part of a conversation resonates with me. I try to live by the very comments you made, so no problem there. However, my father is the exact person your are describing: Not interested in what the other person has to say, continually butting in, not listening, etc, etc. Do you have any thoughts on the best way to deal with such a person?
Whatever I say, people always start arguing with me, then I have to provide facts and to prove my point so I don't look clueless, and when they don't have any real facts and arguments, they just start hating me:):).. The rule is just avoid random people in general because it's just wasting of time and chances to meet worthy equally smart, wise, and well behaved individual is extremely slim.
Hold on. I had to pause the video. Ever since the new guy has come on, the acted examples between Rafael & Preston have become an added entertainment besides the wealth of information. Carry on gentlemen! Carry on! 🙏🏼
I'm in conflict with point number 5, as I use my hair neck long but I keep it clean and tidy. Wouldn't that be enough to be more socially accepted or would someone need to cut their hair so people look at them more positive?
