"Attention passengers this is your captain speaking, we have hit a slight updraft and we will now be vertically launched upwards into space. Don't worry, we will be landing on the moon shortly. We'll be about 20 minutes behind schedule, thank you for flying southwest airlines"
My coworkers in AZ are always telling me how much like they like flying Southwest. Should have known this whole time they've been spending their layovers at the Tycho Crater Roller Rink.
'Observant passengers on the left hand side of the plane may have noticed we have lost our port wing. Do not worry, this happens all the time and it's why they give us a spare. We will be making an emergency landing shortly to go look for the missing wing and we apologise about the delay.'
I still remember early in my career, I was walking through the airport in full uniform and a little kid was looking at me with this look of awe! I walked a little taller, until I heard him say, "look mommy, a policeman!" The only time my uniform got me any respect.
I was in uniform, waiting for transportation and my crew at a very nice hotel. Someone came up to me and asked me to load her baggage in a taxi. Some people will just never get it. Ma'm, I am not a bellhop.
I do not feel that way. I have the upmost respect for you. Truth be I bet most of these bitching have never be on a plane Let them be on a plane and land in a storm with high winds. And everyone is praying around you. You will want to hug the Pilots men and women up front. But we can pay a dam black football player that takes a knee millions.
I spent about twenty years flying right seat with my dad (either in his Mooney or A-36)... was fun to work the navs and comms and even fly the plane a little here and there (no I’m no pilot at all). BUT, that hummm of the plane and general feeling while flying pretty much gave me narcolepsy lol... the first 30-60 minutes after wheels up on cross country flights I always had to fight off the naps as hard as I could, I would often just give in and nap but I’m no professional pilot so I guess I’m allowed to nap in the right seat lol. When dad would catch me napping he’d bank or nose down hard enough to wake my ass up lol. Anyways I lost dad to cancer a little over a year ago (he was 61 and it was a sudden onset of stomach cancer). Those right seat memories I have with him are some of the best I have!
That's awesome. I'm sorry about your dad but those are memories that most people will never have. My dad passed away last month and I have lots of good memories with him when I was younger but we drifted apart later in life. Most of my best memories with him were just funny conversations and situational humor, nothing out of the ordinary but good enough for me. The worst part are the memories we shared when it was just me and him. Now, if I forget any of them, nobody will ever know. Keep your memories alive.
@@thecaptain5026 Yes I wish to someday get my private license… it’s not at the top of the list and would just be a hobby of sorts if I ever were able to afford the hobby pilot lifestyle. My dad loved flying just to fly, I loved it because of the places you could reach in fractions of the time driving and spending time with him. He didn’t fish or was not into sports so didn’t have the typical father son activities… we had flying, and hunting (which is about the only typical father/son activity we had). He could t sit still and didn’t watch tv so he was either working in the yard or at least 3 days a week would go to the airport to just hang out at his hanger and fly the pattern.
This is your captain speaking, we've been blown slightly off course and will be arriving 30 minutes behind schedule. Our new route has some great views though, and if you look out the left side windows, you can watch us dock with the ISS before proceeding to our destination. Thank you for your patience and for flying with American Airlines.
I was an airline pilot with a major airline for 19 years and from the base I was assigned, almost all of our international flights departed from 10 pm -12 am. Most of the were actually only 5-6 hours in duration. The problem is that mots of the pilots were not able to get any "quality" sleep during the day because of stuff i.e. family. So because of the natural circadian rhythm you hit the wall around 3-4 in the morning. Now considering that we were landing at some of the most dangerous airports in the world in Central America....one of which was literally in a valley surrounded by big ass active volcanos. That combined with bad weather and poor navigation aids made these approaches "challenging" to say the least. Usually you were landing right as the sun was rising. Need less to say...if one of us was having a "sinker" we would ask the other pilot how they felt and take a 20-30 minute cat nap. NASA did a major sleep study on the effects of sleep deprivation and cognitive function. Even NASA said that a short period of sleep would increase metal alertness several fold and made comparisons of sleep deprivation to having the impairment of several alcoholic drinks. So...I ask you...would you rather your pilot's had a 20-30 minute "supervised" cat nap...or would you rater fly into a 14,000 ft volcano? Oh...quick pilot joke. What do you call a successful layover? The flight engineer gets a hotel room. The co-pilot gets laid. And the Captain has a bowel movement.
European short haul two pilot cockpit pilot - 3:10 we have "Controlled rest in the cockpit" rules - but it is almost an emergency procedure. You have to fill out an Air Safety Report if you do it. I can't remember anyone in the last 5 years or so doing it. 4:!5 Never been saluted, never had my hand shaken. I am called "Captain". 5:23 We don't eat passenger food - we get garbage crew food meals that are worse (most crew refuse to eat them at all, and bring their own food). No first class on my (current) airline. On a previous airline (which had first class) our contract stated that we get the same meal as the best class on board - so we ate first class meals. 5:56 It's illegal for a control seat to be occupied in flight in the cockpit by a flight attendant, but they do stay (standing) in the cockpit if the door cameras aren't working in order to let the pilot back in from using the lavatory. If you gotta go, you gotta go - so most go. Some (not manuy) with big bladders don't go until turn around. 6:34 Introverts and grumpy buggers who you don't want to fly with don't talk. The guys you want to fly with are able to hold a conversation (and thus keep both of you awake). 7:10 Typically autopilot on from seconds after take-off (just after gear up) until 1000' (about two minutes) before landing. What pilots WANT you to know is that the autopilot is just another way of flying the aircraft - it requires as much input and programming as hand flying - so autopilot "on" still equals "flying the aircraft". 9:02 We're permitted to read newspapers etc in the cockpit. That's pretty normal. Novels too. 10:15 In 20,000 hours the worst I've landed with was 45 minutes fuel remaining - after extensive weather holding and traffic. The airline has never questioned carrying extra fuel. 11:29 I've been struck by lightning 6 or 7 times. 12:35 The water tanks are tested every 48 hours and cleaned every 30 days. It's called "potable water" (i.e. drinkable water) for a reason - and I drink my tea made from it every working day. The worst that has happened is too much cleaning fluid, giving a faint chlorine taste to the tea. The ice is loaded fresh, as ice. 13:05 It's not uncommon to hear the "du du dud du du du" tone of a phone searching for a tower over the VHF radio, if the sheilding on the aircraft cables is poor. So phones can interfere - is that enough to affect the flight? 14:25 Airline pilots are paid reasonable in the lower levels and well in the higher levels. ... and very badly outside of the airlines. My pay as a flying instructor was below the poverty line. .. I gave up at that point. :)
@@RalphEllis I was being facetious. I'm aware that pilot uniforms, hats, wing badges, etc grant them respect. I was pointing out that it was a weird example for a list of "stuff pilots don't want you to know".
James M the uniform doesn’t really command respect, the whole point of the uniform is to show the people, that highly trained professionals are in control of there lives, not random people.
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I just wanted to let you know we're squawking 7500 up here. I just dialed it in right here on the transponder. Just wanted you to know. Carry on."
Great video as usual. Thank You for being honest and real. My wife and I fly often (domestic US) and I've told her several times, "Hey, the flight crew are well trained,competent, qualified professionals who want to get home safely to their families as much as we do". Also, THANK YOU for your service. Our men and women who serve and have served deserve our support, respect, and admiration.
Attention passengers. "We have no fuel left and will now be exiting the aircraft with our bail out chute. The pending updraft will now take you into a elliptical orbit were you will fight to the death over the 32. Oz water bottles and packaged nuts. Thanks for flying Southwest."
The man also blinks on average ever 4.8 seconds -- on a repeating chicadean mathematical rhythm, of course.. What if pilots ARE the autopilots ?? OMG..
@@SabbaticusRex ibis also scripted to be slightly variable. Between 3 and 7, biased towards 5, and every now and then jumping up, but more variable towards 4 or 3.
Straight up, man. I used to fly light aircraft, but I'm currently grounded ( medical ). When I fly commercial, I play phantom pilot. That results in some of the best flying I have ever done, especially the landings.
26: If the Fasten Seat Belt sign flashes three times,,, that's code for flight crews to put on their parachutes and proceed to the secret exit door in the back of the plane.
27: Flight attendants occasionally check the wings for gremlins, which tend to rip them apart. If the attendants see a gremlin, they'll give the pilot a "T. Zone" code and the plane will make a slight turn to shake the gremlin off. So, what might appear to be a turn for a course correction might actually be an attempt to shake a gremlin off the wing.
C.M., thanks so much for this vid - and all the others, of course! As a private pilot whose dreams of commercial aviation were shattered by the industry collapse following 9/11, I truly appreciate and respect what you’re doing for your viewers, both the ones seeking a career in aviation and those just along for a vicarious ride. Keep the great content coming - I’ll check out your books, too! Cheers, dude!
@@Kay_213_ -- It's natural. It's leftist theorists who have embraced postmodernist notions about the nature of truth, which essentially claim that there's no such thing. Postmodernism in essence claims that all "truth" is either subjective feelings or the biased "social constructs" of this or that group, i.e. propaganda. And that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy for them. If you don't believe in truth, then you don't have much of a chance of adhering to the disciplines that make at least good approximations possible. Just wait. Let's see what Durham digs up, and how real evidence might prompt the on-the-fence, half-persuaded victims of postmodernist indoctrination to think twice about trusting half the crap they learned in college humanities and social-science courses.
I'm an airline pilot as well. Friend of mine at a major carrier had an engine failure once; got down just fine. When a passenger thanked him for getting them down safe, he told her, "Hey, I was strapped to the same piece of metal that you were!"
At Beale AFB in the late 1980s a U-2 pilot was passed over for promotion to major. He took a hard look at his situation and decided to find work with an airline. At one interview he was asked if he had ever been violated. His answer was , "Well, not by any friendly nations" I was the superintendent of the 9 SRW Standardization and Evaluation Division.
come on, not the whole, but it is heavily promoted by the likes of google fb etc. There is a lot of good stuff, you're just not necessarily lead to but have to find it
My boyfriend once banged a flight attendant at 35,000 feet in the galley and the pilot made a big deal about it and tried to marry them before we landed. Apparently it's bad luck to do that on a flight out of wedlock.We landed safely, throwing that stupid wive's tale out the window.
I really enjoyed this piece!!! I was rolling with laughter through most of it. Particularly the part about the Air Force One pilot. The president is a human being too. This article tells you a lot about the mentality, mindset, and understanding level of many adults not just in this country, but around the world. Either you know . . . or you don't, and what they fill that unknown space with tells you a lot about the individual, their fears, and mostly about their relationship with their Creator . . . if they have one!
"They don't want you too see the computer so you don't know autopilot is on" 99.99% of people would have no idea what they're looking at in any kind of aircraft, much less on WHICH display shows whether autopilot is on or off. I also think there's a mosconseption that once on autopilot, the human pilots have no control, or there's a lengthy process of turning autopilot off. Reality is, as soon as the human pilots(s) touch anything, the plane reacts. The system's all have manual overrides for autopilot.
13:17 - in regards to using cellphones - the signal for incoming cellular calls can be picked up on audio systems in what sound like morse code patterns, which can be a risk in busy airspace by compromising the audible contingency for audible codes such as VOR and especially ILS identifiers 15:00 I’m not sure where you’re getting your figures from but regional airline salaries here start at $26,000. It’s only the big companies that start their 2nd officer salaries off at $50,000.
@@Kay_213_ Yep. As a terrified flyer. Once they seal the cabin door I think "well hopefully the air frame stays intact, upright & doesn't hit anything". Cause chance of escape is nil once the takeoff roll starts!
I welcome imminent take offs, that's kinda the reason I boarded the plane in the first place. Do people board a plane just to chill on the runway with tray tables up, seats in upright position, seatbelts on and their one personal item stowed under the seat in front of them listen to the safety demo then get off of the plane?
"#2 They downplay any problems." Pilot: Ladies and gentlemen, I don't want to alarm you back there but we're about to crash. And once again, we want to thank you for flying with us.
I recently started watching your channel - great job and THANKS! Sleeping while flying? I am a private pilot ('56 Bonanza) and frequently power-napped on the way while my non-certificated "co-pilot" wife took the controls. I always filed IFR flight plans even in clear weather; extended airway legs were excellent rest opportunities. Terry was a great "stick" in that she efficiently managed course-following headings and altitudes. She would wake me up when ATC called on the radio - the only task she didn't want to take on. As a student pilot, controller communication was the only really intimidating thing until I learned that there were predictable things to listen for - then it became easier and I soon learned to be clear and concise as well. I always wondered about that coffee water; I travelled Delta every Sunday-Thursday for some 23 years.
After going through some turbulence and in calmer air, I will keep the seatbelt sign ON, head to the lav to take a quick leak before returning to the flight deck to turn the seat belt sign OFF.
@@Kay_213_ Yep, Tar.MacAdam (Asphalt) just like your neighborhood street, supporting the weight of 200ton wide body aircraft for takeoffs and landings, taxiing, and parking(Actually, about 18 inches of reinforced concrete) --- and how about, "Waiting on the runway for 1/2 hour before takeoff"? Sure, and airplanes are landing over yours while you're waiting, Stupid f---g news writers and reporters.
"passengers aren't mechanics" Honestly as an aviation tech I don't want to know about any mechanical problems when i'm out traveling. I've had to fix enough sub par work to know that there are some birds I will refuse to fly on.
This is your captain speaking. We'll be making a Category III ILS approach. It is crazy dangerous and we only use this in complete desperation, so please say a prayer and hug the person next to you.
20:44 I laughed so hard I fell out of my chair! This entire video, I could almost hear your thoughts. "Holy crap. No way people are this dumb. Do people really believe this? Wait....what?!" And then the CNN screenshot. You almost killed me. I laughed so hard, I thought I would pass out. Thank you for the ab workout.
I’m not a frequent flyer by any means, but I’m no stranger to flying. Probably been on about 40+ flights in my life and I have yet to have a rough flight. A few less than smooth landings, sure, and maybe some turbulence from time to time(completely normal) but every flight has been otherwise completely safe. Never even had a go around or gone into holding. I just don’t understand why some people are afraid of flying. It’s super safe, and these guys are real pros. Thanks for all you do and keeping us safe in the skies. I’m 33 and still love flying; that little kid in me never died. Always love that moment the pilot throttles up on the runway on takeoff and that point when you see the runway under you on landing.
Lol, so now if I ever see you in the terminal coming through the waiting area, I’m going to quickly stand and salute and loudly say “attention on deck”. Lol
This is just more proof that you should question everything you read/hear about something you have no first hand knowledge of. Credibility, integrity and honor in media no longer exist as the norm. Thank you for this video!
As a former "mailman", I understand the "captain" thing. It was easier to not correct non-postal workers than to tell them each time that I am a City Letter Carrier, not a mailman or postman. What I didn't like though was when I'm delivering mail in really bad weather and someone would say the Postal Service motto is that "rain, sleet, snow and the dark of night" thing. That is not the Postal Service motto. Never has been. The Postal Service motto is "We deliver". Truth be told, I didn't like that one much either, but that's the correct motto.
When I first started traveling for work, I was nervous as hell and about my third flight home I sat next to a pilot who was traveling home. He was dressed like he should be flying the plane but was actually "off duty" so to speak and was only catching the flight back home, I guess. We got to talking about my being nervous and he just laughed and asked if I drove. I said of course, expecting the age old "it's safer to fly than drive" garbage but he surprised me by explaining how simple a jet engine is, relative to a piston engine and that there are generally 3 or 4 things that can go wrong that could cause one to fail. He compared that to the hundreds of small things that can go wrong with my truck to cause it's engine to fail and compared how many experts didn't look at, physically examine and test my engine on a weekly basis and the fact that most commercial airlines not only have multiple engines but can fly relatively safe even if one engine completely fails. Whether all of this was true or not, it worked. I flew at least once a month for 10 years after that and never felt nervous or anxious like I did before we spoke. I was concerned once when, after two separate landings on the same plane, the wheel I was sitting directly over was rough as hell and made a horrible sound, only to hear the pilot explaining the same concern to one of the ground crew, as I was deboarding.
Yeah but if your truck engine fails, or even if the wheel falls off. You're already on the ground. Plane engine failure doesnt concern me, structural damage does. Planes can glide to safety unless they lose the capability of flight. In that instance, you would be very aware of your altitude and forget that the planes "less complex" engines even exist. Planes scare people not because of the engines, but because they overcome gravity. Boats scare some people because they are at the mercy of the unforgiving sea. Automobiles are scary because they offer little protection at high relative velocities within close proximity.....and because most drivers are fucking idiots, but I'm glad you got over your fear of flying. Cheers!
Hi Mover. I like your debunking of airline speak. I am a former military pilot and am also an owner/operator of my own plane. I typically fly 80K to 100K miles per year on American Airlines to conduct business in the defense aviation sector. I observe funny stuff with flight crews and passengers all the time. For example, we were told that we would be diviating from our ticketed destination at Washington Reagan to another airport. The captain came on the PA and said that we were "bingo fuel" and due to weather we would be diverting. The guy behind me said "F'ing great, do $hit my pants now? What the hell is bingo fuel? Are we outa gas? I assured him that we were not but had to chuckle to myself at the hilarity of the situation. Not too many people get two fly two 4th gen fighters (F-16 and F18) in their careers. You must be doing something right! By the way, I loved the video on settling with power on your approach. Easy to get into if you are not focused on flying the helicopter. Good SA info. Cheers, Gary
@@drakeisacake He was making a joke about the bacteria in your digestive tract flourishing by feeding on the bacteria and microbes found in raw freshwater.
I remember a statement or meme that said they give you, the pilot, a fancy hotel to bunk in when you're barely going to get any rest, and give you a crappy hotel when you'll be staying for days.
I’ve been around the aviation biz as civilian and as a military member. My resume includes working as a baggage handling, maintenance (flight line and back-shop) and airplane pilot. Yet, I’m amazed how many people who have never even been to an airport tell me I know nothing about aviation because they learned something on the internet.
Thank you for your video. Here's one for you, I read that on long flights they have a secret chamber to put a dead body in case someone dies during a flight.
Retired from the Air Force, in my "real world job", pre covid have some amazing travel stories. Being addressed by my name at the check in counter before saying or giving any information, seeing the same flight attendants twice in one day (happened twice LOL), and so on. I am still amazed at how ill informed most people are about how safe air travel is or these silly myths out there.
"To lessen the fear" they don't wan't you to know when the they set AP? Hell they should play the AP disengage tone over the cabin PA together with the inevitable "wtf is it doing now?" in heavy turbulence. *That's* fear
I think people completely have the wrong idea of what the autopilot actually does. For the most part, it just maneuvers you to the altitude and heading of the vectors you've set, and then maintains it for as long as it's confident that it can do so reliably. If it detects any issues, turbulence, or traffic, it'll shut off and alert the pilots to resume full control. People seem to think that it's some majestic AI that takes over the entire plane and makes all the decisions for the entire flight while the pilots just sit back and "read a book" or "take a nap". Hell, compared to a Tesla, the autopilot on an aircraft barely lives up to its name. Maybe the term "autonavigator" would be more accurate; it certainly doesn't replace the pilot/driver, unlike Tesla's Autopilot.
There are two pilots up there. The odds of them both kicking the bucket in the same flight are extremely low. Unless the aircraft impacts the ground, in which case the odds go up a little bit.
Thanks. The best understatement I ever heard as a passenger was aboard Tower Air into Logan in a heavy snowstorm. We were down to minimums. I'm watching out the window. The moment I can see the tarmac, the engines spool up, the airplane pitches up, and we get the heck out of there for a go 'round. "Sorry folks. Slight conflict in traffic." Say no more! My guess it was a snowplow. o^o(((((
Great video. There was one thing I did in my airline cockpit that I did not want passengers to know about. In February of 2011 I finished training and began to carry a firearm. Once the cockpit door was locked I unlocked it and put it on. Obviously I did not want anyone but my crew knowing I was armed. My airline gave us the same size bottle of water before each leg, just like the one you showed. Great job of debunking the stupidity of the "so-called aviation experts" that really don't know crap about flying.
I once was traveling Gatwick to Philadelphia, when we pushed off the gate we stopped and the pilot said over the P.A. "we're waiting for the engineer, there is something hanging of the fuselage"...made me nervous! lol
10:32 I was in a plane that, I believe, ran out of fuel once. I would love your input on the details of this story. I was flying from LA to Miami. When we got to Miami there were really bad afternoon thunderstorms. I have been through this before no big deal. We circled above the clouds in above the airport for over an hour and then at a certain point in time the plane went silent all the lights went off immediately the air became warm and humid in the cabin. The plane tilted down about five degrees. All the flight attendants were obviously shitting themselves but strapped in to little seats I hadn't even noticed before. We hit the run way hard and stop short. We had to wait for one of those little trucks to come get us. Also the plane was tilted forward as we sat on the runway waiting.
15:35 yeah I mean we circled the airport, I mean that was common but the afternoon thunderstorms will usually move long enough to land. In Miami. Point is, flying above the weather.
I work for an airline catering co. We get our ice from Ready Ice, the same company that supplies ice to most of the grocery stores and gas stations. Crew meals are always whatever is being served in First Class, and the airline wants Capt. and F/O to have different meals. Airlines aren't going to pay us one more cent than they have to, so they certainly aren't paying for special crew meals!
Great video as always Mover. This reminded me of a funny saying our F-15 fighter pilots had in the Mass Air Guard. Most of them were airline pilots out of KBOS. They jokingly said they flew the school bus during the week and flew the Corvette on drill weekends. (Bill Fihl from Slidell).
Hey C.W I just wanted to say thanks for all the great videos, I wanna become an Air Force Pilot and I have been starting to work very hard to achieve that goal and your videos are very helpful!
If you dozed off at altitude the other pilot would probably politely wake you and suggest that you get better sleep. If you fall asleep regularly, you're going to get woke up by the other pilot hitting the test button of various warning systems.
Once landed in Denver after a long haul from Sydney Australia-LAX-DEN. Strong crosswind! The pilot/s had left the cabin-passenger intercom on for some reason so everyone could hear the cockpit conversation. It was interesting and a rough landing. Once we were lined out on the way to taxi the pilot said to the Copilot: "I almost tipped the God damned thing over". I never saw flight attendants move so fast! Bless them all.
@David McLean: "Air hostess"?? Obviously, you haven't flown on an airline since the Equal Opportunity Employment Act was passed, in 1977, when the designation was officially made, "Flight attendant". Prior to that, the term, "Stewardess" was common, but "Air hostess", is your own invention. Incidentally, the EOEA, is also the reason why they're no longer under 32 and single and, by virtue of seniority, the older flight attendants, male and female, are seen on the longer trans continental and overseas flights. Fewer flight segments, more rest, higher pay.
@@vincesbardella3838 Do you need to be so worked up about this? How about you laugh at the joke and let the rest of us wallow in our crippling ignorance.
@@bogdan_n My points is whatever the fuck the aircraft lose, whoever pilot it, i prefer trust a pilot than a computer. For a example, airbus attempt a landing on computer only. End up in crash.
@@TsukuyomiMikoto But what if they got there pilot licence thru "affirmative action" and instead of being the most qualified there your pilot because there a minority? You could find your self on "Trauma Airlines".
@@walkaway6353 We already have politics or other with that. that just your lucks or your choice of airlines when possible. Still better than a fully automated airplanes.
