Love bombing is the biggest thing I was scared of about getting into another relationship. But learning from you that wanting to be special to feel safe has really helped with that fear. Love bombing is very painful because initially it feels amazing, but the abuser/narcissist withdraws the love and you know how it could be, and you try harder so it is back to how it used to be when you were love bombed. And with low self esteem you figure it must be you that isnt good enough. Ive done alot of healing since those days of being in a relationship with a narc.
Thank you for this Paulien. Im an FA here and was love bombed not long ago. Was the worst thing ever and so hard to overcome. He made me his rebound girl while he was on a break with his girlfriend and then they got back together. I kept thinking that maybe if we met at another time would have worked out. But this video made me realise that this could never had been healthy. Plus his other relationship was toxic and now I realise that he was a jealous person. Im actually glad that it only lasted a month and I didn’t get more involved in it. But its very interesting what you said because he was the only person that I did actually feel safe with, he was so present and interested at the time that I didn’t feel any of my rejection and abandonment wounds. So ironic. Would love to understand more about why someone uses love bombing and the reasons behind it.
Real life is not an 80's rom-com! If you are in the early dating phase, and it seems to good to be true, IT IS! LBing is the first trick in the narcissist's playbook to get you hooked. Then the soulless bastards withdraw it, and use it as emotional blackmail until you wise up and get out. Some never learn the lesson.
my ex bf was a fearful avoidant and actually he was the lovee bomber, soo intense and anxious and then when we moved in together he gor overwhelmed and withdrawn
In my case my exbf (FA) was the "love-bomber", and anxious. I never ever had a clue he would leave out of the blue. I Know now the difference and knowing his generous heart and all his emotional struggles, I kind of understand him, and I'm trying to be empathetic but it's so hard. Could you make a video about this "love-bombing-lookalike" from a FA? And withdrawing after it, and how to achieve to be emotionally responsible towards your partner?
Its exactly the same. I had an FA ex, female. Avoidants, whether dismissive or fearful, often lovebomb. When they deactivate they completely 'forget' and will not take accountability for the things that they've said and done. Instead they will externalise it to avoid taking responsibility, like saying 'i just wasn't myself'. Forget about a closure or apology from them. Accountability eludes avoidants. Hope you are doing well now 1 year after.
First Time I experienced this I felt really seen and got hooked on the person, who I wasn’t interested in until then. That was when I first woke up and discovered narcissistic behaviour. I’d be interested to know more about FA attachment style and making friends. I struggle to do so easily and I think I have a no entry sign ? If I like someone I get extra nervous and think I’m not good enough .
I can't speak for all FA's ofcourse, but generally I don't think so. FA's tend to be intense, and they can really fully mean it in the moment, but then have a hard time living up to the expectation they set. They set high expectations because usually they really do want to give you the world, they just have never learned how to deal with the 'realness' of relationships, of being human, of emotions and feelings.
In my case i was loved bombed by this FA. She fully ghosted me for no reason a few days ago and removed me from everything, for no good or clear reason. Very disheartening. It feels like some FAs do everything in their power to prevent you from abandoning them until they abandon you. Can you make a video on why some FAs lovebomb?
When unhealed they spend the entire relationship telling you about their fear of sudden abandonment. Then you're not prepared when that's exactly what they do. Maybe we are our fears. I had to listen to my FA pour about his fear of being cheated on when I knew full well I never will and if anyone does that it will be them. I have no idea how someone can focus so much on what doesn't exist and disregards what's happening right here right now. I kept saying I'm living for now. That's all I care about right now but ofc that made them feel like I wasn't trustworthy then. If you don't want to control life, you are not serious in their eyes.
@@theonlydjtopcat Hey Don, you are correct. I had to take to a therapist for the first time in my life thanks to the damage she did to me, and he had said 99% chance had BPD. I wasnt fully sure cause she never lashed out or argued with me, but then i discovered "quiet bpd" which is a sub category of bpd and she 100% had it. Quiet bpd is extremely similar to fearful avoidant
Im an FA and just broke it off with a love bomber after 4-5 months. It was and is not easy to do. There were some issues with his insecurity, jealosy, manipulation and controlling too.
Hahaha this is funny and yeah probably true. I am fearful avoidant and my love bomber was fearful avoidant too. So we kinda love bombed each other BUT I meant everything and I never would have abandoned him because I'm a very self aware fearful avoidant.
haven't watched the video yet so quick question: do FAs always fall for it? cause I myself am one, I'm absolutely sure of it, but love bombing freaks me out and makes me even more suspicious. but maybe those were extreme cases that I'm thinking about...
Not always! If you know the signs, your FA attachment style can actually help you pick up on those signs really quick (because FA's tend to be very good at picking up subtle signals)
To add to my previous statement whats weird is he tested out as secure but the manipulation, jealous, obsessive, control etc did not show that. Maybe my FA tendencies caused him to do that?
