1 - Lack of Control / Being to passive 2 - Emotional vomiting (unload inappropriate amount of emotions ...) 3 - Clingy and Needy behavior 4 - No purpose / Life revolves around her You're the welcome ...
As a woman, the #1 biggest turn off for me is bitterness and hostility. And I'm pretty sure that goes the other way around...bitterness and hostility in women are also big turn-offs to men. The attitude of "All you women/men are the same, you just want (fill in the blank)" is gonna make any sane person NOPE right out.
Yes, you're right. This "you must be confident cause I'm not" that some girls do as well is to tiresome. Its ok to be afraid sometimes and you should be allowed to talk about your feelings, as a man or woman.
As a man who's last relationship (few months ago) ended because I did some of the things you mentioned, I have some advice for the gentlemen. Don't listen to a young lady when she says she wants you to be open (emotionally) with her. Stay emotionally distant until you've been with her for at least a year.
Yes I agree with u. A woman I was interested in wanted me to open up to her and when I did she was ghosting me after that. Never again will I open up to a woman until I know 100% that she is the right one for me.
Yup. Women don't care and don't want to know. It's not emotional vomit to look for support. But, the women in your life aren't there for you in that way. Get a beer with your friends
I think when her very first question is “What do you do for a living?” Is a huge attraction killer. She just wants to know how much resources she can take advantage of if she sticks around you.
That's kinda unfair...unless you read clear gold digger vibes from her, she may just be trying to make conversation. Because most people can connect on that. Knowing someone's job can also give clues into their personality.
If you are here looking for relationship/dating advice, here is a tip. Don't agree to go out with someone unless you are open to being a partner to them. No one is perfect. You have issues, they have issues, the magic happens when you both work on each other together while tackling life's difficulties as a team.
Everyone has different needs in a relationship and those needs may change over time. What you are implying someone should never do may be exactly what that someone's special someone needs. Be open to what comes ;)
@@danielhartley9003 Someone's Special Someone? Their Soulmate? Their One? Who talks this way? Blue Pill, White Knight Capt. Save-a-Hoe, that's who. You go out with someone to DECIDE whether you want to be with them and as a guy you NEED to have STANDARDS, BOUNDARIES and be able to spot RED FLAGS. Yes, no one is perfect but that's not what many guys need to hear. They need to be more selective, not less.
The world isn't a red or blue place and not everyone is bitter or playing those kind of social games with titles. The thing about pills is, you don't have to take them ;) Relationships are complex enough without throwing in the lastest engineered terms to create artificial heuristics. People are individuals, not products from a production line that can be generalized.
@@danielhartley9003 Dating is nothing like relationships. But it is the price of the ticket. Dating is a social game, it is compulsory to find heterosexual companionship, and it is also fucked up bullshit. How do most people get thru it? _By being products that can be generalized._ You need to put your dreams and your needs aside, participate fully in this bullshit game, and take it _seriously_ - enough that you become experienced and good at it. For a heterosexual, especially a man, there is NO alternative.
9 things to quit for all Strong people: 1. Caring about what others think 2. Not believing in yourself 3. Not experimenting different ideas / solutions for problems (life&business) 4. Not prioritizing your health 5. Wasting your precious time 6. Wanting something (instead write a plan and work towards it) 7. Chasing meaningless relationships 8. Wasting time by scrolling social media 9. Quitting addictions for good (if you have any - consider stopping it as it makes you mentally weak + affects your confidence and all other areas of your life!) 🚀 Take it easy and I hope you found one thing helpful in this list 💯☝
Being burned out on life in general. It happens and why a lot of people don't move on. They feel it's just trading for another set of problems they have zero control over.
Bruh its crazy how majority of the things we were told thay a woman wanted. And told how to treat a woman and act towards them was all backwards. I wonder how many of us went thru unecessary pain bc we were lied to.
@@remilane9206 Blue Pill Conditioning, Bruh. Every man has to wake up and take the Red Pill. I did after getting crushed in an early relationship when I acted the way I thought girls wanted. I was wrong. Now, understand this. The Red Pill is not Black Pill/MGTOW. It's actually how to have a healthy relationship with women. It's knowledge AND application. You can be married 30 years and be RP. Indeed in modern society to get to be married 30 years REQUIRES the Red Pill!
For number 1, while being too passive and losing control of you life can certainly be a bad thing, we all have times in our lives when we aren't at our best or find ourselves in situations that overwhelm us and you deserve a partner who will support you through those times, not make you worried that you're turning them off. Everyone should try to improve, but you shouldn't beat yourself if you stumble and you definitely should not be with a partner who adds on to your stress in those moments of hardship. For number 2, this kinda hits on the first point, but as a man you are just as entitled to occasional ranting or moments of doubting yourself as a woman is. If your partner does not allow for that then they are toxic, especially if they ask the same of you. Now, obviously there comes a point where you need to stop complaining and take steps to solve the problem, but talking to your partner about it can even help you figure out ways to solve the problem. Pretty much agree with everything in points 3 and 4 though.
Yeah dude. You nailed. Concur with the other posters. There is little between emotional vomiting and being vulnerable so we are stoic. She has her head on her shoulders generally but she is really young and this one is messed. Women can always find a way to be unhappy. They want you to open up but lose faith if you do. She needs a big rethink on this one. She should do another video on your comment alone.
Dude, she's just listing things that she finds inconvenient in men. She also talks down to men like men need to be told what's what because their idiots. She's not doing it in away that validates the man, but rather corrects him and improves him because he needs it. Feminist slant.
If you need to emotionally vomit, seek professional help! Therapy exists for that reason. You're not entitled to toss all of your emotional baggage on to someone and they are not obligated to hear you even if you are in a relationship. You need to understand we all have our OWN boundaries what we can handle and process and those boundaries need to be respected too. Your emotional vomiting might give a huge load of stress to someone else. Supporting and being supported is a two way street where boundaries of all participants need to be understood.
@@Haha_Haha_Ha don't be a simp! she's outlined all the SIMP traits so deal with it. If you need help, listen to Andrew Tate coz he's TOP G! And she is actually right on all her points.
@@eveliinahannele Emotional vomiting makes it sound way worse than it is. I'm not going to go to therapy because I had 1 frustrating day at work. My partners "emotionally vomit" to me too and it's not a big deal. If it's something more serious then absolutely go to a therapist but theres no need to go to therapy for life's minor inconveniences.
I think my biggest issue is self-doubt, which I’ve gotten a lot better at dealing with. It still pops up sometimes but I’m feeling more confident than ever
Why can't a woman just like a man for who they are? Meaning you're attracted to them and like their personality. That's mostly all a man wants out of a woman. Stop leeching ladies. Here's an idea. You too can walk your own path! Yeah I know it's crazy but go out there...and have your own goals and hobbies. My parents when they decided what to do for dinner...Mom.."where are we going to eat" Dad..."that's up to you. Always is." Mom "why can't you ever make a decision and just want to eat somewhere from your own mind?" Dad "ok...welp how about we go to Fridays" Mom "No, they cook everything in butter I can't eat anything there. You know I'm on a diet. Remember we went there 20 years ago and they put the dressing in the salad instead of on the side" Dad "Fine, how about Fudruckers" Mom "did you not hear anything I said?? They cook their buns in butter. There's always a 30 minute wait there. I don't like to have to ask to special order something. They don't have anything else that I like." Dad "Well what places can you eat at?" Mom "I don't know maybe the diner that we were at for the last 25 weekends" Dad "Well I guess we're going to the diner then" Mom "was that so hard to pick a place? gessh what is wrong with you" Yeah... you women really like a guy who makes decisions. What you ladies really want is to be the CEO of a board meeting.. Where all of your little suborniantes come up with the ideas for you. And you get to sit there and cherry pick their ideas and inspirations and make the final decision while patting yourself on the back for it. oh yeah and ...YOU drive me there. YOU make the reservations.... YOU pay the bill. All I want as a woman is to sit there for the fun and best parts. That's what I look for in a guy. To be my tool. That's why I like my men in suits. Because it means they're important and have money and can do all that shi t for me. Do you guys ever listen to yourselves? It blows my mind. Yeah men are tired of it. This is why you hear all the time "dating is dead in 2022" "Dating apps" is the only way to find someone. Why is it so hard to date. Litterally all the cards are in your hands and all the balls in your court. Us men are easy, simple and pretty damned forgiving with very little expectations.
Yeah I think that women will only ever actually like you if you were a friend they knew for a long time...Mostly they only like men for what they have and not for who they are..but I believe this goes both ways I mean men also like women mostly only for their looks..people are very shallow
Dude, you're advocating weak-butt behavior. All you said is the reason you're not getting laid. It's weak! The sooner you come to terms with that & work on yourself, the sooner you'll get laid!
you know, she is right, you shouldn't be any of these four things. But, I completely agree with you. There is a lot of hypocrisy when women have so many issues, past trauma, etc etc and you are supposed to be as forgiving and compassionate as possible but god forbid you go on a rant because you had a bad day and now you're unattractive. I find it often that my friends will be unhappy and suck up a lot of stuff from their woman, but as soon as a man shows any sign of weakness, the women is packed up and out the door. Sucks man
The problem is women have options while they are young, so this is why women can't just like a man for who they are, there will always be another option that is better. This is why as a man you need to be assertive and be the best version of yourself, funny, good looking, rich, happy, horny, and then make yourself available to her, if not, then another guy will and it's not like she ISNT liking you for being you, she's just picking someone else who is themselves but better.
What on earth is wrong with women? Life is full of uncertainties and just because I am a man I don’t have it easy. That’s right ladies - MEN DONT HAVE IT EASY. There are days when I feel down and would want to vent out about he crappy job that I am working. If I am telling my partner all about it, its because she is the only person in the entire world I feel I can do that with. We do not expect you to fix anything for us, but the least, THE ABSOLUTE FREAKING LEAST you can do for him is to just be PATIENT and LISTEN, instead off passing of stupid judgments like “oh this guy doesn’t have his crap together, I better start making contingency plans”.
Amen, bro. Couldn't have said it better. Why stop at the crappy job? Imagine losing a parent or loved one or even a good friend and you cry over their loss and she aggressively says "stop crying and get over it!" instead of being supportive and being there for consolation, that's one of the biggest red flags to have zero sympathy and compassion for guys who they expect to feel nothing even after losing someone they cared for
You forget that relating to one another as human beings is a luxury few intimate heterosexual relationships can afford, and a burden many cannot withstand. Most that find a human level are no longer centered on sex or gender, due to aging or the growth of family. A couple can only begin and grow close as a microcosm of the social world, with all its roles and poses - gender above all. We must first be men and women to one another, or we will be profoundly alone as humans. We earn our refuge from society only by acting our role in society. Humans are souls, but men and woman are beings of the heart. The heart is not the soul. The heart "wants what it wants." It doesn't care for the needs of the soul. It can't understand needs, only desires. It binds the soul, but cannot protect it. We must treat the heart and soul differently, and learn when to relate in the roles of men and women and when to relate as humans. Otherwise, the heart _and_ the soul are liable to suffer lasting damage.
Things that make women lose attraction 1) Be Genuine 2)Show her that you care 3) Provide No Drama 4)Be Consistent Do these 4 things and yo A$$ will immediately get FRIENDZONED:)
So right about that. I know that through experience. When you’re ambiguous with your feelings and show you don’t really care that’s when they work harder for your attention. If you show neediness and appeasement that’s when you’re ass get friendzoned.
The more i watch these videos the more id rather be the guy women “hate”, literally nail and bail.. women don’t see the irony in these vids, they are creating emotionless robots who pick sex only and then complain about theres no good guys: you reap what you sew
You're right, women in the 50's in America wouldnt friend zone the man you describe, they would marry them quickly. This is the devolution of the modern "westernized woman" in the dating scene.
Here's the summary of your video. Be the strong and silent type or don't say to much because the women will take some things as weaknesses and think it is a turn off. Be dominant (i.e bad boy) and not passive. Got it.
There's nothing wrong with telling your gal about your day so that she understands what you go through but, yes, the negativity, the complaining and the fact that you aren't doing anything to change your circumstances, or at least influence them, yes, that is your own darn fault and if she doesn't like it that is her prerogative
Agreed. Unproductive whining and complaining is a turn off in both sexes. And it leads to the other person getting frustrated and trying to solve the problem for the complainer, which is ALSO a relationship mistake. Basically opens a nasty Pandora's Box of toxicity (I speak from experience, unfortunately)
As true as your comment may be. I find it more than a little ironic that women will constantly complain about their problems to you, but will also be upset with you, when you try and help them solve their problems.
I've come to view "being vulnerable" like the "what are your weaknesses" question on job interviews; people don't want to just listen to you describe negative things, they want to see that you're taking ownership of them and taking steps to improve things. I'm not surprised a lot of people stumble on the "being vulnerable" thing given how many people stumble on the "what are your weaknesses" question in job interviews
@@Robert_Westwood Bullshit helps in interviews, and bullshit is CRUCIAL in dating. It's how we get to the next level, where maybe, for awhile, we both can be genuine.
Job interviews don't mean nothing emotionally or doesn't require any kinda vulnerability, u could fake a weakness n tell them or sugar coat ur weaknesses to present them something as something else. But being vulnerable is different it's being raw with ur emotions n tell what are u experiencing really n what's on ur mind without a filter or fear. If a woman think u complaining about a shitty job is over-bearing n emotional vomitting then thats the women's problem. And then women wonder why men are not vulnerable with them.
I think the difference between vulnerability and emotional vomiting is pointless to a man. It's basically the difference between venting about a small issue and being downed by a serious problem. Men need to know when his life gets rough their woman will be there just like if a life threatening fight broke out his boys will be there. Vulnerability about small problems rarely gives you answers from your woman or makes you feel better so you might as well deal with it in your own and say nothing or ask some friends. If women can't deal with the only part men need that they are more appropriate for than friends then it is no surprise most men choose to act completely stoic because they'll be judged. At that point a man is getting sex/companionship and the same level of emotional support outside of a relationship so there's no point to having a partner.
Yeah if you look at it there is not much difference between emotional vomiting and vulnerability it's basically the same in practice and men can't balance this that's why we always have to be stoic no matter what women or this society says otherwise it's game over.
You nailed it on the head. I was going to comment something similar but you did it for me, lol. The issue with this way of thinking from women is that the line between emotional vulnerability and vomiting is almost nonexistent, and ultimately defined by each individual woman. The worst part of this is that a woman expects for a man to be able to handle all of his own emotional baggage solo, while she has a network of family and friends to unload on and get the satisfaction of release, as well as advice is she is looking for it. A man is supposed to just turn everything in on himself. And yet we wonder why as a society we have some of the problems that we do regarding men and violence. We are told from a very young age to not cry, suck it up, only sissies to this or that, etc. Well, you reap what you sow, ladies.
And in my case, when I'm asked why my marriage only lasted one year, if I DON'T give a good explanation that it was due to my ex wife's alcoholism that got significantly worse just before our wedding and led to her being very dishonest and even becoming physically violent because of anger management issues while drunk and arguing, I look like a commitment phobe. But if I DO give this good explanation, I'm accused of emotional vomiting
There is nothing wrong for man being serious about a sensitive subject. Emotional vomiting as wording is like an insult to man trying to set things right with a subject that should be addressed for a better relationship.
My ex was constantly emotionally vomiting over text and I can absolutely agree with Courtney here. It was probably the number one reason why I lost attraction for her and it really took its toll on our relationship. At first I didn't see it as a bad thing because I thought she was just being vulnerable, but now looking back it was a huge red flag that I wish I didn't overlook. Trust your gut, boys. Not your dick.
@@personalgoogleaccount9694 their would probably be less babies overall lol . But I do see you point though, you should only have kids with someone who you really love, and not someone who you don’t .
Women want a guy that is confident, runs his life with decisions and schedules - but are consistently are late and waste a guys time. Women want a guy that shares his emotions ... but not too much - and remember guys, anything you say can & will be used against you. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but 100% on the way out the door. Never be clingy - give her a consistence, persistence, attentive, supportive, connected, concerned, safe, secure atmosphere ..... and she will leave you for the Bad Boy that gives her none of those. Watch for it - it is nearly inevitable. Have a purpose in life - and never make it a girl. Treat them like transactional, utilitarian, temporary and disposable - treat them like furniture, cause they will dump your dumb a$$ the moment something better, different, dangerous, taller, richer or more clout comes along.
Remember, everything you are saying is 100% true if you want to date women on par with you. If you want to date down, you can break every single rule Courtney just talked about. Women will respond all throughout the day to your needy text messages if you want to talk to her that much and tap out of this f'd up hypergamy dating market.
This is absolutely why I choose to be single right now. I know I'm in a couple of these categories and I don't want a relationship while I work on it. To be absolutely honest, I'm not working on myself with the end goal of being with a woman, but rather for my own peace of mind. Still kind of fun to see whats going on in the relationship world every now and then tho, ie. channels like this.
You’re absolutely doing the right thing. I wish you luck becoming more focused and likeable by yourself. I think it’s important to not humiliate us (men) more trying to be with someone when we still have tons of developmant and maintanence still to do on ourselves - this for several reasons.
Same here dude ... I'm single for the first time in my life - and now is not only my time to heal from the past, but also to work on myself. Absolutely not interessting in dating - especially since i've discrovered Courtneys channel here :D
Like the other guy said. You dont need to be perfect to get into a relationship. Chances are the girl your going to be with is gonna have alot of baggage and your gonna have to work with that. Good luck 👍
Courtney, I think your 100 5 on this. I was all those things. Came out a loss of wife of 43 yrs. No experience in dating other than her. Met a beauty that was interested in same things as me but I was still shaking form loss and could not understand much. Thank you
I have seen guys who will totally drop everything when they get involved in a relationship and become obsessed with the girl. They shun their friends, family and hobbies just to wait on her hand and foot. It is as if an alien came and body snatched them and replaced them with somebody unrecognizable. In every case, it never works out. I just don't get the obsession. I'm too darn busy to make some girl the total center of my life.
Yep I’ve seen that. They get into a relationship and they just drop off the face of the earth. That’s bad. I play basketball on Wednesday. And will continue to do so and any woman will have to accept that. If not there’s the door
#4 clicked in my head with a metaphor: If you are aimed at someone you will crash into them, if you are aimed at the same place you will end up there together.
100%. Chris Hemsworth could cry like a lil school girl complaining about his day on a hot woman's shoulder and she would consider that being cute and vulnerable.
@@brent4073 It is the truth. And nobody will admit it. If you are average, you almost go completely unnoticed in this age of online world. Chris Hemsworth could literally do anything he wants and get let off just because of his face. Kind of insane. Also quite common to see these sketches where people approach random people on the street on TikTok and do weird stuff to 'mess with them'. I can guarantee if it wasn't HOT or CUTE guys doing the pranks it would be classed as harassment. And the women would be calling cops. Society is weird.
Complacency better be on this list! ANYTHING&EVERYTHING in life can be ruined/lost/damaged due to complacency. Trust me folks. Men need to always keep pushing forward and learning more. Let women get into a routine because they naturally do not want complacency and will always seek to make things vibrant but men work so much they too wanna rest and have peace; well, that's her job to provide that peace so KEEP DOING THE WORK, men!
I agree with you but this should be for everyone not men only. Kids, students, workers, women etc… need to always strive for better and not be complacent.
I feel like these 4 things in the video are the pre-dating or maybe early dating red flags. I don't think being clingy is like a thing after a year+ of dating - you've both likely banged dozens of times, you're both in full comfort of one another. And this is where I believe the complacency issue starts... (separate from the list in this video).
Regarding #2, I think an incredibly important thing to note for guys gals and all others, is that it's okay to complain about your day when you have a bad day. It's okay to come home and say "Well we had this really bad customer and I got in a disagreement with a coworker which turned into a big fight and it was just so stressful." Once In A While; And in a clear concise way.. You shouldn't be whining about it all day long, or bringing it up 6 different times that day. Just say "I had a bad day", explain why, and then cuddle up(or do whatever you and they do for affection) to show them they make you feel better! It's when you do this to your significant other Every. Single. Day. That it becomes emotional vomitting. It's stressful to the person you're doing it to; You're constantly dumping negativity on them, and no one wants or should have to suffer that; It's also when you do it every single day that it becomes less "you being vulnerable" and more "You've completely lost control of your work life."
Reals, not feels. What's tearing you apart inside doesn't matter a damn to someone who expects you to fill a role. And "significant other" is a role. So is "man." And you don't get to unilaterally rewrite the script. That's a privilege earned by playing the role well and getting to stay around.
It’s important to self reflect and avoid doing some of these things, but at the same time don’t be to hard on urself. Ur partner does not have to be turned on all the time. It’s not ur job to make sure they are always turned on this is not a porno, we’re all human and humans can be repulsive sometimes
I didn't know the right word or term of explaining what my last relationship was like until this video. It started off as a vulnerability of the things we would share but after experiencing the emotional vomiting from her end, it created new boundaries for me. It made things too depressing and I couldn't hang onto that.
I've learned a good 2-2-2 rule so you balance your life with your relationship: - Bring them on a date once every 2 weeks - Invite them to do something thrilling or spontaneous once every 2 months - Bring them on a vacation/roadtrip once every two years
If you are both working as hard as you are supposed to, and can afford it, 1 vacation a year is better . The rest of it is good. If a little sparse on dates. But once every 2 weeks is definitely an achievable goal
@@odium3691 I'll admit my time frames were sparse, mainly because I've mostly been in long distance relationships. Not to mention I haven't been on a vacation in 10+ years so I'm a bit uneducated on a healthy balance of when to go. Definitely accelerate some of these if you can afford it, but this is the rule I stick to by default.
I like most of Courtney's stuff, but the ultimate problem with this/these videos is that they ignore the fact that women can simply pick up and start a dalliance/relationship as and when they please with no emotional/time investment. Abundance is the de facto situation for them. This isn't some kind of incel rant, it just rings hollow somewhat when women tell men not to be emotionally vomit/needy, as they (women) are given free range to be all of these things and suffer no consequences.
Life certainly isn't fair. Women want to be able to live through whatever emotions they are experiencing at the time. To do that safely, they need you to be their rock. If you are acting in a more feminine, emotional manner, then 1) you will appear to be gay, which most women aren't attracted to, 2) you will attract more masculine women, which is probably not what you want, or 3) you will make women feel insecure, and they will toss you out, so that they can find a guy who *CAN* be their rock.
Who tf cares tho. High value men arent picking those types of girls up for relationships. A woman needs to work on herself just as much as a man to get the relationship she wants and has less power over her looks which matter the most. Its way better being a man. You're only thinking of it through a lense of getting easy sex which isnt fulfilling for anyone. If you're not putting in the effort you dont deserve a girl. So go out there and become a man and stop complaining. Be someone you admire and others will too.
@@matthalo89 There's a flip side to the observation. First, most women won't actively go out and approach men, so their choices are limited to the men who approach them. Many won't even bother developing their dating skills, as they don't have to when abundance works in their favor. Later on, this makes things more difficult for them. Second, while abundance might seem enjoyable at first, it becomes an annoyance for many women. They have incredibly superficial standards, simply because they have to weed out some of the men. Even after they've chosen a guy, they still have guys approaching them, so who wouldn't be tempted to find a bigger, better deal? Third, women go from abundance to scarcity relatively quickly, from their 20's to when most hit the wall in their 40's. There's also no magic wand they can wave to find a good man-- the guy who looks great today, can be abusive, lose his job, turn out to be gay, etc. at the worst possible time for a woman, as she hits middle age. The really smart women recognize the illusion of beauty for what it is, and lock down a high-quality guy when they are both still relatively young. The women who fail to do so, find dating gets progressively harder.
Sometimes emotional vomiting happens because the person wasn't getting an opportunity to be vulnerable before. They were getting denied and then the one time she does listen, everything comes out. It sucks for sure but it happens.
This means you have no healthy outlet. Appearing out of control, lacking in coping methods, lacking in close friends to talk to, etc. These are all unattractive things. When my wife asks how my day was, “Not bad” and then deflect on her so she can do the talking. By the time I got home, I already addressed my day with someone else or went to the gym, or drove around listening to thrash metal.
@@vijayiyer8518 I can see that. That’s where you have friends (I suggest other men) that you confide in. For me, there are distinct differences between my spouse and my friends and one of those differences is I am a friend to my friends and a husband to my wife. I have a job my wife would never understand, so what’s the point of talking with her about it?
Dude there is a very thin line between emotional vomiting and being vulnerable men can't balance that we have to stay stoic and keep own sufferings, feelings, sorrows to ourselves if we ever have to impress a woman that's the only way.
Firstly, well done Courtney 👏 I find your thoughts and perspective refreshing. I usually don't have the desire to leave comments but with this video I definitely did. The points raised were spot on. On the topic of lack of control (especially a lack of control emotionally), I have personally found it is best to remain non-reactive in provoking/unsettling circumstances. The ability to remain calm and collected when most would not allows you to analyze a situation at face value without "clouded judgement" and essentially allows you to effectively mitigate the issue at hand (whatever it may be). Sometimes a reaction is just a distraction. Being self aware exudes a level of confidence that others either consciously or subconsciously pick up on. People are naturally more inclined to want to be around others who are emotionally in control of themselves as opposed to those who are emotionally unstable. This due to the fact that the latter is viewed as unpredictable and sometimes destructive, whereas the former is viewed as predictable and reliable.
I use to think women wanted a macho man but later I realized they didn't want a partner who seeks validation from them. Confidence is impossible to measure so I don't seek it.
3:33 I would say that to anyone at the appropriate time, not as an opener. I don't see how that is emotional vulnerability, it's just a potential career plan. A better example about emotional vulnerability is telling your partner about how you feel about her flirting with your friend, but that could turn into emotional vomiting, depending on how it is done.
Been watching your videos these past few weeks. I really appreciate the effort you put towards them. I’m understanding relationships & women better over time by putting what you teach into practice. Definitely educational and a professional environment you create, thank you for your efforts!
The emotional vomiting issue works both ways. Especially when one continually complains about one or more problems and refuses to do anything to remediate them. Had this happen with a woman I dated recently. No matter what I suggested she do to fix the problem/s, she always seemed to prefer to remain a victim and continue to complain scream and cry to me about them. Fortunately, she had her own place and I was able to convince her that it would be best if she went back to stay at her place. (Initially not permanently, and that I wanted to continue to date her, but that I thought this way would be best until she was able to work out her familial issues) She then complained claiming that she felt like she was being punished (like a 5 year old might act) and then eventually blamed me saying that it was because we were incompatible and then broke up with me. Which is what Iwas actually shooting for in the first place (lol).. It’s called the Sam Kinison method, only without all of the coke and liquor…
Just be yourself and don't get too attached and enjoy your life. Women come and go. Plenty of fish in the sea. I date a lot but I've accepted the fact if you don't tick all these boxes and you're real and not the perfect man, they'll love you for a bit then shift on you and leave. Just don't get too attached, an realize most women are fake and want you to be fake.
Great video as always! Still can't shake how unfortunately common this is.. I tried talking to and asking out this woman who I was interested in from college and she was quick to say she's really good friends with her ex and that I had to be okay with that if we went on another date. Why keep someone from the past but still actively want someone new / for your future? Not the first woman this happens with...
that's a huge red flag, do not proceed. first, she doesn't respect you, she's basically flaunting it in your face that she still does stuff with her ex, "good friend" more like FWB lol - and that you would need to accept that about her (cuck). second, she's stuck in her past, if she doesn't focus on you and only you then you're wasting your time my brother. all this terminology makes me feel like im some red pilled guru (i really couldn't care less about red pill) but im just trying to give you my sincere advice. best of luck!
So all the turn offs: 1. Lack of control 2. Emotional Vomit 3. Needy/Clingy behavior 4. No purpose - are all things many women do relentlessly. Be a man and not a woman. Got it!
This is what hypergamy and sexual liberation of women created. A game of who cares less and women end up going only after the most attractive 20% of guys. It was a lot f'ing easier when women literally just said 'if you like it so much, put a f'ing ring on it or go away'
2:26 Don't you just love it when a woman invalidates the things you say. HAHAHAHA LMFAO Sometimes "emotional vomiting" needs to happen before someone can actually be vulnerable. Why do women do this? We made up a term, determined our definition of it and judge you for not complying with our wishes.
3. is the most important. Look at guys like Kenny Chesney, Tom Cruise. Attractive short guys, even at 5'7", there are still tons of girls that are 5'0"-5'4" that can wear heels around you and you are taller than them.
One of the reasons I find Buddhism such a wonderful spiritual system is that it teaches your "salvation", if you will, rests ENTIRELY within you!! You will never obtain it from any "external" source--only YOU can validate and accept you!! I think whenever you enter a relationship looking for any kind of validation you are headed for trouble. All relationships should be a "synergy"--each person's energy, heart and soul flowing freely into the other person. It's the purest and most beautiful sharing that there is in life and that's what is meant by the phrase "two that become one."
" the person you are with is going to enhance your life and your happiness , not be your life and happiness " this one just made me think differently ...
We are lied to about love. It's two hearts in time, not two souls in harmony...unless it lasts a lifetime, and both gain the wisdom that is possible with age.
My ex wife actually wanted most of these things. Which is what lead to breaking up. She wanted passivity and got mad that I wasn’t jealous etc. Was not healthy or fun.
4 is a good point. After college I really didn’t have any social outlets, just work, the gym, then home. I joined a chess club and got involved with the community theater, which has helped me make new friends and get me out of my shell
Thanks for taking the time to explain the difference between vulnerability and emotional vomiting. Some times emotional vomiting can come off as manipulative trick or a pity party. I have issues with this too. Personally I take my time to understand if my partner is ready for me to unload some baggage.
Yes, but sometimes it's simply being candid when someone asks you a question that deserves a longer answer than "yes" or "no" or "one year." With me, when I'm asked why my marriage only lasted one year, if I don't explain that it was due to my ex wife's alcoholism that got substantially worse just before our wedding and all of the other wonderful things that went along with her alcoholism (major dishonesty and even some physical violence during arguments), I probably risk looking like a commitment phobe.
@@Lonstermash great point. During the time I'm getting to know someone, my primary focus is if they are mature enough to handle emotional baggage. I have had relationships that ended because a girl wanted to be more intimacy but was unprepared for what happens after. In those cases, I just say that she wasn't ready for what I was looking for and try not to allow it to get the best of me. It gets easier, the more I practice it. Emotional vomiting and vulnerability seems to differ from woman to woman and its up to you whether the woman in front of you is mature enough to understand that your emotional turmoil is part of being in an intimate relationship or not.
@@janpauledwarddedios5366 thanks. Now, try receiving such investigative questions from a woman trying to vet you on a first date or even a first phone conversation! Then what do you do to avoid being unfairly judged for your past, yet not be seen as emotionally vomiting even while maintaining a calm tone of voice
@@Lonstermash that's a lot to unpack.. long story short... I'll just move on.. you get judged either way.. I dated someone for 2 years and as much as I liked to say I kept my cool when it ended I did not. It did affect me with subsequent relationships but I'm not going to feel i lost something that wasn't that worth investing in the first place. I rather be judged by my truth than by lies. If the person across from you doesn't like that then time to find another girl.
Erm you do know that just being vulnerable for a few seconds is enough for women to regard it as "emotional vomitting"? Basically you show any vulnerability to women and they will disqualify you, yet when asked if men should be vulnerable they give the politically correct answer. Just know that if you are with a woman, you should be prepared to provide for her and be her emotional punching bag yet she's not gonna share any burden with you.
There is always a danger with relationships when a person overthinks. Emotional overthinking will ruin a persons life. A mutual commitment is better than consistently analyzing your partner. Be strong and courageous for your partner at all times while strengthening your own weaknesses. Life is complex and there is no need to create problems to fix problems. Take time to know a person instead of building a fantasy around them.
This is why my elders have always told me to “hear your woman but don’t listen to her”. As much as she says she wants you to open up and be express your feelings she really really doesn’t.
If you're really being yourself, then you're not "trying" to get dates. You're in the moment. Having fun. Not worried about whether you're attractive or not. But people don't have faith that theyre good enough just as they are. So they learn how to be "attractive" which is just a bunch of crap anyway that has nothing to do with being real and authentic. So be yourself. Just be prepared to never get dates, because people who date are usually learning how to love themselves by getting the approval of others. So Why not skip that step and just stick to yourself, forget dating, and know that just being yourself is already perfect.
I still try to do me because I believe it’s the right thing to do and I try to do what’s the best because I want the best situation for me but everything seem pretty complicated with relationship wise and im 20. This is embarrassing for me🤦🏻
@@julianfelix7652 but what, then, are you supposed to do if you see or even meet someone you find attractive and would like to get to know better? You kind of have to "date" them in order to do this, and, at least in my case, it has nothing to do with lack of self love/self esteem.
That's alot of Vital Details For Men to look Out for...Most be lacking In some areas and still Blame the opposite sex...Sometimes a woman is a Reflection of the Man In Her Life.🌷
@@sandeshrangari694 Seem We Both Have Different Beliefs,However I Respect Your Beliefs,But It Might Not Always Be True As We Have To Expect To Receive 👍
100%. Most modern day women are afraid of being a mother, wife and relying on a guy so they can forever put it off until 30 and they hit the wall. But hey, they got that degree and law firm job! The cats will get fed.
After reviewing these videos about what woman want, what they hate, what a man needs to be and why, what he should look like....it's quite frankly , terrifying! I don't see kindness in that list....I dont see caring, intellect and smarts, empathy and and gentle, loving ability to foster the growth of a child. I see everything that confirms the worst shallowness of today's dating scene and I want no fucking part of it! I will wait for a kind, loving caring woman who wants those same qualities from me and if I die before she comes along, so be it. Who knows.....maybe that woman no longer exists.
So basically, men can show emotions and vulnerability when they do it on women's terms and in a way women want, but don't do themselves? That honestly seems pretty toxic. Imagine a women crying and being upset and a guy just went, "no, u need to stop crying and show some control over what is happening."😂
Yes, much about our society is toxic. It's a question of whether it's worth it to adapt and tolerate it. Because the rules change only slowly and life is short.
@@fatnorth723 I don’t date feminist women. Never have. I’m not concerned with what they do or say because it doesn’t involve me. You missed the point of what Courtney said. She’s saying don’t become an emotional tampon where you insert all those emotions all the time onto your women. She isn’t saying you shouldn’t vent or talk about your bad day. Practice some self control. We all know women are less in control of their emotions than men majority of the time. It’s how it’s always been.
I'm thankful that you carefully defined emotional vulnerability with examples, but you may really want to come up with a different term. I don't know of any man who views the sharing of hopes and dreams (woodworking per example) as vulnerability. Sharing your hopes and dreams means you have goals, purpose, and ambition. These are all positives and strengths, not weaknesses or vulnerabilities. Being vulnerable for most men would be more akin to sharing fears, failures, and insecurities. Those are for sure vulnerabilities and I seriously doubt a lot of women would care too much for that. Maybe it would be a good idea to get Men to define what they think is vulnerability so we can make sure our communication is on the same page.
In clear language: 1. Appear to be immune against the inherent randomness of life 2. dont expect emotional support 3. dont make her a pillar in your life to depend on and trust on 4. never make her a priority. | My resentment aside, I know what you want to say. But in this video, you absolutely failed to do it in my opinion.
Thank you so much for these videos. Most of these things (other than a life passion) are very big issues with people that have autism spectrum disorder though not for the reasons that you mention are what typically causes them. As I have Asperger's Syndrome I find myself doing all of these things out of compulsion and difficulty with social interactions despite knowing not to do them. Thankfully there are people out there like you doing these videos as watching them does help reinforce the concept and helps, at least for me, to catch myself when I do them (sometimes in time and sometimes after the damage is done.) Out of all the content creators on the subject of social interaction that I watch or read you are one of the best and put it in a way that isn't demeaning to people that may have these issues whether on autism spectrum and a compulsion or just those that are socially unaware. Thank you so much you make self-improvment not only easier but less embarrassing!!!!
Women are allowed to vent and express negative emotion. Men are not, since it kills the attraction. Women say they want emotional vulnerability but when it's their turn to be the shoulder to cry on for once, they're repulsed by it.
This is why marriage counseling never works. They force the guy to open up emotionally and talk like a b***h. Kills the relationship and attraction the woman has for the guys. It is kind of like the ultimate shit test a married woman can do to a husband.
Women on the other hand are terrible judges about these 4 turn offs. They are often so presumptuous that they don't even see or understand and are not willing to give it the time it takes to find out. Women would mistake affection for neediness and prefer to be with someone, who doesn't need them and who will easily replace them. Courtney, you are showing me how silly women are.
Is it just me or is a good portion of this list just things that women do that we’re expected to tolerate? Like complaining about work without presenting or wanting solutions or “emotional vomiting”? Which imo is a term that shouldn’t exist within the context of a relationship because all that tells me is I have to package my vulnerability in a way that is palatable to my woman. Which is the opposite of being able to be vulnerable without judgment.
That's what a good therapist, bartender, or drinking buddy are for. When you have been in a relationship for 50+ years with the same woman, and you're nearing the end of your life, then Yes, you can be totally honest, because, by that point, Who cares? Until then, when you're courting a woman, most men don't want to see her at her worst (without makeup, when she's sick, etc.). Same thing with women. They want to see you at your best, or, at the very least, that you can handle what life throws at you. Otherwise, it's unattractive. Do that too often, and it's Bye-Bye relationship. 🙁
@@marcmays48 Relating to one another intimately as human beings is a luxury we can't afford until - as you say - "who cares?" For a life lived fully and meaningfully, it's ironic that we also must embrace the empty and the meaningless. We have to live roles and become comfortable in masks.
The biggest turn off? Lack of $$$$. I had a few instances where I had an intimate night with girls and next day they say we shouldn't continue. And that is cos I've said that my company isn't doing as well as the previous year. It's just $$$$ especially for Asian women
Yup. They want that money. That's why drug Lords or countries dictators etc are never short of women and in fact have as many as they want. Meanwhile 'Joe Nice Guy' who is poor has zero women wanting him. Money.....it's about the money and the lifestyle women want.
@@crabbubbles1161 women will rationalize by saying they are attractive cos they are assertive, alpha, independent etc. I once had a woman got tgt w a rich kid, he's childish af and weird but she say he's mature and independent and everything good. All those positive traits women use to justify being attracted to a man are correlated to him having $$$$$
@@rejectwokeness1314 You could literally murder kittens daily and if you are rich enough.....women wouldn't care. Yup....sad.....insane.....but true. Money (and the power/lifestyle that brings) is what most all of them ultimately respond to despite the words they speak.
And damn'it now I am subscribed. I don't agree with everything that you say in your videos but they're very informative and gives a lot of insight. Thanks.
Here are the four things men do that TURN OFF women: 1-lack of control/being too passive (be a leader) 2-emotional vomiting (you complain her incessantly about negativity, on and on) 3-clingy and needy behavior 4-no purpose/life revolves around her (do your own thing, go to the gym, spend time with male friends, DON'T ASK for her permission, etc. she should not be the center of your life, she should complement your life). Thanks, Courtney. Congrats on 360K subscribers.
With all these "rules", or List of "Do's and Don't's" (from so many RU-vidrs) it's like women want/expect men, or a man to be absolutely "Perfect". That if a man has even one minor flaw, or doesn't check off every single box, he won't even get the time of day from a woman; regardless of how many "flaws" she may have. Whatever happened to taking the good with the bad and being realistic? Nobody's PERFECT; yet it seems women EXPECT a man to be in order to be "good enough" to have the honour/privilege of having her even talk to you. Yes there should be some standards, or basic requirements met; but there shouldn't be SO MANY RULES REQUIRED before you may even be considered.
Couldn't have said it better. You just mentioned the reasons why I take these videos with a grain of salt. Always remember that everyone is different, and yet there are people on RU-vid like Courtney here, acting as if representing all women everywhere when fact she doesn't. In addition to what you said, it's as if she's assimilating even foreign viewers to American ways which won't work for some if it means stepping out of one's own culture and values. Not only that, but comply to her image of ideal, as if the problems always lie in the guys, or that we have more problems to fix than girls who are perfect little angels waiting to the right guys to come round which is a stupid assumption. And so the first point about the guy being a leader. Okay so if the guy plans out where to take the girl, and it turns out to be a strip club, without getting her opinion or input, and yet he made the firm decision to go there, is that going to be attractive to the girl? Courtney can argue this isn't what she meant and that it was inconsiderate, but how anyone be considerate to anyone they don't know? And how can anyone comply to vague "rules" as you mentioned? The solution to this problematic scenario is simple: just talk about the place you'll go to and come to an agreement. No need to make it a surprise, especially an unpleasant one.
@@michaelrespicio5683 The thing that really made me shake/scratch my head was in Courtney's video a few days ago about Summer Styling tips where she mentions going sockless even in favour of no show socks because at times you can still see a little of a no show sock. Now if a girl/woman is so shallow, or nit picky to reject someone JUST BECAUSE 1/8th of an inch of his "no show" socks MIGHT be showing of what might otherwise be a great, summer outfit, then OMFG WHO is the one with the problem? If something as nit picky as that will turn someone off, or cause them to reject you; then what the heck is wrong with the world?
@@jasonhurst8599 Again...could not have said it better, man. I thought the same thing. This is why I keep reminding myself and others to just wear what you like and screw what anyone else thinks as long as one does not look suspicious or is naked. It feels borderline like brainwashing, like "you can wear what you want but I'll still tell you what to wear anyway". She sees fashion differently than most other people; to those who don't care that much about style they see a bunch of clothes without much thought. Courtney sees "art" that needs to be done perfectly because it's the chick magnet and there are rules to consider when it does nothing for the most part. How often do people approach someone just because of their outfit? Not much I bet. Also dunno about you but let's be honest, does anyone actually remember everything she talks about...cause I don't. My brain learns things it deems relevant. Also she says girls hate this or notice that, even though they do or wear themselves. For example, she says girls hate graphic shirts...I've seen lots of girls wear graphic shirts or flip flops in warmer climates, why can't guys? Sorry for the tirade but for God's sake, screw what anyone thinks amd stop conforming to someone's ideal image
Also let's not forget that somebody makes these clothes. They have families to feed too so why can't we just appreciate what we have instead of giving in to pressure on being judged. It's ironic that she tells people to be confident and yet if one truly was, they wouldn't be influenced by this kind of stuff
@@michaelrespicio5683 Thanks Michael, and again, We'll said. I agree that your clothes should fit, and look presentable; bit you should not have to be perfectly matched, and coordinated, or GQ styled every single time you leave the house. Especially if it's just to run to the store for a loaf of bread. Also talking about the fit of clothes, it works both ways, and I'm sorry but there are some people - both men, AND women who should NOT WEAR TIGHT clothing or material such as spandex. But the bottom line again is, you could dress 100% of the time like a GQ cover model, have the greatest sense of humor, and personality, be the most confident person alive, have your life in exquisite order, etc; but if you're not "hot", or "cute", most women will never give you the chance to prove it because far more often than not they judge a book by its cover...aka your LOOKS.
Anyone that constantly complains about their life or is otherwise pessimistic about their future needs to be avoided to preserve your own mental sanity. Not that people don't genuinely have their troubles, but it's a damper on the mood and outlook.
I would lose attraction to a man if he doesn't know what he wants in our relationship, comes and goes as he pleases. When I'm in a relationship, I would to commit to the relationship but that takes work.
Hate to break it to you, but not every man can spend time with you 24/7. For example, I live a very busy life and I can’t be around a person 24/7. However, I will make time for that person when I have time to spare.
@@B1GK1NG Good point but I never said I wanted to be with him 24/7. I was pointing out that he should know what he wants in a relationship and he and I have the same wants. What kind of woman does he want. Example: A good wife, good mother. Does he want children. Does he want a woman who's successful with her job and financially successful. You can do want you want in your relationship as long as you and her want similar things in a relationship and make it work.
@@Courtney-Alice-Gargani that true. Not sure if you saw my post above but indecisiveness is one the the turnoffs I mention. A man should know what he wants and covey his needs with confidence. If I like a woman and am very attracted to her physically and mentally, I’ll let her know right on the spot. Trying to be the “nice guy” is disingenuous. Many women can spot the bullshit from a mile away and will toss that person into the friendzone.
So if you are a guy, you need to show no emotion on what bothers you in life otherwise you are a weak man? No... I wouldn't want to be with a woman that doesn't care about what happens to me at all and just wants me to act confident and happy 24/7 because that is what she wants. I met many women like this... Things sometimes happen at work, home, or somewhere that you have no control over and you just want to tell someone about it... If a woman can't be a friend, then she isn't a girlfriend or wife material. I heard many women say, "I am not looking for a friend, I am looking for something serious." That is like wanting to have a license to drive a car without having a permit and knowledge of the law first. If you don't know how to be a friend, you can't be more than that to a man who is serious about a relationship... Lack of empathy is one of the biggest turn offs... I'm forever loyal to people that have always been there through the good and bad times... Those are people I can trust more...
LOL men have been working jobs, providing, protecting a family for a millenia. They still do that in 2022. It is women who entered the workforce who royally f'd this all up. Two people having careers and no one to look after the kids DOES NOT WORK!
Video ideas: - contervsial styles - differences between a bad boy and a tough guy (unless it's more of a movie and tv show fiction) - fictional character styles ( too get an in sight of we're we get our styles and inspirations from)
Well, you may be right but most men want to want to find real wife. What I mean is someone who you can open up to and she to motivate you and calm you and help you towards getting to greatness. Being emotional distant isn't a real relationship imo.
I haven't had a place in my life for a woman in 29 years which was the last time I was in a relationship. I don't see the point. I would rather be alone. I became a very strong man to learn how to be happy without women. No, I'm not gay if that's what your wondering.
I wasn't wondering. And frankly you are to be congratulated. Far too many men spend far too much time pursuing women. In fact the most successful men I know are unmarried, have no girlfriend, and don't date. They spend all of their time focusing on their professional careers, hobbies, the gym, and charity work.
I think “vulnerable” is the wrong word to describe being open and transparent. Being vulnerable actually means that you’re capable to physical or emotional harm. When a guy hears this from a woman, he might think showing signs of weakness is attractive to women
I mean they do say for best results, listen to both sides and come to your own conclusion, so at least we have one of thee best if not theeee best female perspective on these matters (here on RU-vid that is)
I don't know about #2. What exactly is an "inappropriate amount of emotion?" I personally cannot connect with or trust a man who can't show his emotions and weaknesses to me, because I do not feel like he considers me to be on his level. There's no good, true relationship (with any human being), without the safety of knowing that you can "emotionally vomit" and you'll be ok. I have no need for someone who doesn't trust me, and I have no need for someone who thinks they need to protect me or be stronger than me emotionally. I'm not looking for a father, I already have one. I'm looking for an equal.
My girlfriend was full of emotional vomit, was always very needy and clingy, and despite me being in a weak position I was still in a slightly stronger position than she was, that is why she always came to me. and for a while I was very supportive and I still consider her a friend but after a while the spark disappeared. she disappeared too, not that I hold it against her maybe she had something important to do she had a lot of problems and I hope she is ok. But if she doesn't reach out to me than I simply can't help her. But when women don't feel like they need you they wouldn't give you a time of day. I'm not saying all women are like that but many of them are. if they are weak they go to you, but when they are in stronger or equal position as you are, then many of them will see you as inferior and if you show any kind of weakness (maybe because you had more than your fair share of bad luck) then they at best see you as unworthy. At most will cause problems for you of all kinds. And as far as I'm concerned what you said just proves this point. I thought women grow up when they get above 25. In fact I thought women in their 30s are more mature than we are at that age. But it seems I was wrong. and they call us immature. maybe the reason why I act like a teenager sometimes is because I had no chance to really be a teenager when I was one. What is their excuse.
4:40 I’m conflicted on this one. Firstly, I can’t think of a single woman I’ve dated who hasn’t complained about their workday to me. It’s literally the first thing that comes up whenever we talk or see each other again. I’m typically not the type to complain in general, and most of the time I just sit there and listen, but even that in itself can take a toll on ME especially if I’ve had a horrible day myself.
@@lexicon4u Yes it is, but guess what, men and women are different. Stop looking for equality in relationships. Just let the girl talk, interjecting phrases like "that sounds very upsetting" or "really? That must be hard". Don't try to fix her problems because when you do you'll only make her resent you or be co-dependent on you and the cycle will continue.
Here are the real things that make women lose attraction: 1. He loses his money 2. He loses his hair 3. He loses mobility (can't have sex) 4. Other women say he is unattractive/a loser 5. He loses his good looks
Another great video! The takeaway from this is emotional intelligence. I'm not a fan of where I'm at currently with managing emotions, but I'm still working on it
Emotional intelligence is part heart and part skill. But it's not very useful without _social_ intelligence, which is almost all skill - and often has to lead and force EI to follow. You could say SI is the real "manager." It's concerned with more than being decent or caring (which is the heart of EI). SI augments EI because it tempers your decency and caring into a form that others can see and value. It makes sure you're hitting the "metrics" (often abstractions) that get results and bring people into your life.
@@antonboludo8886 Absolutely. But it doesn't follow from learning EI. It has to be earned out in the world, from failure, mistakes, loss, hurt, and always - _always_ - coming back for more.
Even with the economic times making it challenging for people to live a somewhat sustainable life, there's really no excuse for a man to have control over his life to some degree. The last thing you would want is for your life to be so chaotic that you can't even keep up with anything or solve any of your problems.
