For me it's not a problem at all, criticism, insults and all of that, the problem is I'm bad at taking criticism from someone, who i do really care about
1. Don’t focus on your appearance, but rather on making the people around you feel good about themselves 2. Live according to your values 3. If you feel nervous or awkward and you’re scared that other people are noticing, act like they aren’t noticing or don’t care. (Act like it’s normal to be a little awkward, shy, or nervous). 4. Put in the work and aim for the top. Don’t let people who don’t even know you or what you’re capable of, tell you that you don’t have a chance at achieving something you want. 5. Stop caring what other people think about you. Remember if you try to please everyone, you will never be anyone.
Time ... nothing brings confidence than the nuanced understanding of the experience of life. It enables you to access what life drops on your doorstep.
Haha I find number 3 so important and true. Whenever I practice that my nervousness dissipate. I tell myself there is a reason I show shyness or nervousness and it's actually ok, the moment I accept that part and decide to be comfortable with it, it decreases greatly.
1. The most attractive trait a person can have is confidence. 2. When you put an excessive amount of work into your appearance, you come off as insecure. Why would you need to wear a ball gown to school if you’re going to a ball later that week? 3. Make people feel special. Ask yourself: “What is unique/interesting about this person?” 4. Say just a little bit more than you need to be. 5. Emanate warmth. Smile with your eyes, not with your mouth. 6. Make use of (appropriate) touch to make people feel closer. 7. Speak in a gentle, calm, soft voice. 8. Make people laugh. 9. Make a list of your values, evaluate how you’ve been living by them, and fix the things you haven’t been living up to.
this is just so good for me :( this video is actually helping me. i havent had a real meal in 5 days, extremely depressed, i only work, go home and rot until midnight, wake up at 5:30, go to work and the same day goes on and on. looking for values and act made me feel like i wasnt procrastinating today. thank you so much ana, this actually helped me. feeling grateful rn. hope i can get better
Just discovered your channel, you are so incredibly articulate and structured and such a good speaker! Seriously. It is so refreshing to find a RU-vidr that is so good at talking in an engaging way.
The things that I will implement are 1. Share a bit more information than usual and 2. Live more according to my values (I have to work more on having fun jaja and not be so workaholic) You do such a good work Ana! Thanks :)
This channel has grown on me. Much, not all, of this advice could apply to anyone. Specific to women watching this channel, I'd like to add what I still think is more important (in descending order of importance). I've dealt with the public in customer service as a barista for 10+ years while I finished my own BA, and I'm willing to bet with more than a thousand unique women who've each informed this perspective. 1) *Stand up straight* Roll your shoulders back and correct your posture. Instantly, you will seem healthier, more engaging, and more confident. This works regardless of your body type. Wealthy families from cultures all around the world make sure their children learn good posture for a reason. 2) *Don't wear pajamas and hoodies all the time* I know it's comfortable, but it doesn't appear confident. In fact, hoodies and pajama bottoms are the first indicator I see that someone lacks self-esteem, confidence, and maturity. It may seem empowering to wear what you feel most comfortable in without the expectations of others as a factor, but remember that many of us had sisters growing up. That's all I'll say. 3) *Avoid glottalization and speaking lazily/ carelessly* Successful people typically speak with articulation and a particular inflection that people enjoy listening to. If you don't know what I mean, search for a video called "Why do girls have creaky voices?" by iHeart Media about glottalization. I actually prefer a video called "The Vocal Fry Epidemic" by Abby Normal because it's funnier. If you want to appear more confident, don't be lazy with how you speak. Again, prestigious private schools around the world incorporate speech and vocal etiquette as part of the curriculum because well-spoken, pleasant sounding people are more successful. Speaking without lapsing into a smoker's rasp is tricky for women who hit adolescence after 2010, probably more so than refraining from using "like," "just," "because of the fact," and "kinda" all the time, but it WILL make you appear more confident. Standing up straight, dressing like an adult, and speaking with poise and articulation will instantly elevate your appearance of confidence. Instantly.
Loved this video. The part where you talked about "aim to the top" resonated with me a lot. I tend to give up on opportunities before even trying, but I'm working on it. Thanks for your work Ana!
Good video, I really need to work on this and find values. So far having fun and not lying is my values so far. My parents always said. Aim low there must be something you can accomplish. But after listening to you I will aim higher.
your videos rock and it's so encouraging to see a young woman that is so articulate and academically successful, because i definitely find myself feeling a bit reserved or doubtful of my intelligence in academic settings ... not sure if this is a weird thing to say im just like YAY not an old guy telling me stuff for once
hey ana! you could make a video about various manipulation tactics and how to deal with them if someone is using it on you or you are the one using them, but not aware of it :)
Honestly I love the content, lately been feeling like I've been in my own head since stuff is going on, and I think its affecting my mental and social life. Thank you for the content
I never really comment but I love this channel so much! So insightful and you truly come across so well. Some of these points are in the book ‘How to make friends and influence people’ by Dale Carnegie which is a great read relating to this topic if anyone is interested!
Hey Ana! I love your videos, I watch your channel almost everyday. One thing I wish you would do more is add headnote sentences on the screen, so I can screenshot them for later to write them down and recall them when I need to. Just like you did in some clips of this video. Thank you have a wonderful day
When I can sense that someone dislikes me, i'm actually fascinated. I don't know why but I get this feeling that I really don't want to know what it is about ME that bothers them: I am curious to know what it is about THEM that makes them dislike the likes of me.
when I find someone dislikes me, I first decide wether I care about that person in anyway, if I do, I try to understand what i did to piss them off. if its someone who means not much to me, then whatever they think of me means fck all lol
Hi Ana! Thank you so much for your hard work and wonderful, educational videos! I wanted to ask if you could do some videos on how different attachment styles react to relationship and how to support the insecure attachment people in it please. There are lots of video about what attachment styles are and how they react to intimacy, but not much on how to improve your attachment styles and become more secure. Or what a partner of an insecure attachment style person can do to help and support them through that. Thank you! Love you and your work! 💓🤗
I would love to know more about the types of values you mention in the video. I feel it would be very helpful to know about some of them so I can integrate them into my life, and other people too❤️
Great video with lots of very useful information. Thank you very much for making these videos. Couldn’t help but notice, but is that a Dr Strange reference @10:27? Cuz you straight up described MCU Doc Strange whether you tried to or not😂
How about a video about fathers and discipline because fathers have to be tougher on sons but where is the line they shouldn’t cross that could be detrimental to the child.
I don’t believe confidence or self-esteem are real. I just think they’re social constructs that in this day and age deserve to be scrutinized with a critical lens. Even beyond toxic expressions of confidence, more humbler or grounded confidence isn’t real I don’t think.
I know it's completely out of context but i just have to ask. What's your view on identity politics is it dangerous why are the people who practice identity politics using opressive methods why are they so hatefull and intolerant is it unhealthy for them and the society ect.
1. Learn to identify when you have the urge to share something. 2. Decide how strict you want to be. What kinds of things do i want to share? and with whom? and what kinds of things do i want to keep off-limits? 3. Learn to journal! I prefer paper because i write slower, and going slow helps me to relax 4. Learn to notice in the moment, when you have the urge to share something, which you already decided you should keep it off-limits. 5. Intervention. Instead of sharing it, do something else. You could change the subject, end convo, make mental note to journal asap.. just a few ideas. It's up to u to learn what works for u. 6. Bite the bullet cuz changing is hard. Yr gonna have to repeat these steps over and over and over again. Until you have trained yourself. Do your best everybody
I think the MOST important skill here is to pick the right people. So many people focus on "bettering themselves", being nice to others, being attentive, etc. And while that's not wrong at all, it also won't work for everyone. You can be as nice and polite as you like to the wrong PPL and they'll take that opportunity to walk all over you. I think she herself said in another video that "if i don't tolerate that behaviour from myself, i won't tolerate it from anyone else" and that stuck more than anything else. Pick the right ppl
"The only way to completely avoid criticism is to dig yourself into a bunker, to not interact with anyone, to not come up with any original ideas, to not go for your dreams, to not say or do anything. What way to live is that?" Terrible and soul-destroying. I can confirm through personal experience. Biggest regret of my life. Criticism, even dealing with hordes of internet trolls on a daily basis, is better than the outcome of living your life like this. Don't do it to yourself.
I feel like even if you do all of those things someone will criticise you for not being more outgoing or something. Never being criticised is such an unrealistic thing
Hell no! being liked is so much better... That's how people genuinely treat you to the best of their efforts. Also, it is impossible to enjoy someone you don't respect, so if someone like you they can't not feel respect for you. (how they treat you might be poor, but that comes to their manners and education).
better in life to be more liked than respected, more job opportunities, more connections etc.. Respect is earned and u can do so by being a good citizen, being well-liked is another skill level that's harder to master
i agree so much when ana said to own our awkwardness. in hs, a lot of ppl told me that they rly admired my confidence and i think the one tip id give is to push urself out of ur bubble. whenever i did presentations in middle school, i got rly shy and awkward but in hs, i managed to overcome that. i love presentations and i feel comfortable talking in front of large crowds. i also think showing some awkward moments here and there is perfectly normal! it makes us appear more human when we can fully be ourselves and not try to put on a facade of perfection all the time.
18:06 this reminds of my teacher. I was bullied in school and she was very mean to me and said that she knows exactly what kind of person I am and that I am spoiled. I was actually far away from spoiled. She didn't know how I was treated at home. I was badly bullied from the other kids and that's why I changed school, but the system brought me back and when I was in directors office, the teacher said to me, I should not cry, no one is going to believe me as if I were fake crying. I was genuinely upset because I was bullied there and I didn't want to go back. People assume things about you, even though they don't know you. Looking back the only explanation for the bad treatment I got must be racism. I'm a POC.
I love your videos. A lot of hard truths. I consider watching your content part of my self care habits. Self care is about confronting yourself when needed! Thank you for helping me mature into the individual I want to be
this is actually extremely helpful. i recently was diagnosed on the spectrum and have a hard time holding conversations and being confident. that’s barely scratching the surface of it, of course but i’ve noticed i struggle with being myself because i’m so wrapped up in how other people think of me. in turn i think this might be off putting to others and makes them uncomfortable because i’m not comfortable with myself. i don’t know though, that’s what my intuition tells me and that’s what i solely rely on since i can’t pick up on social cues very well.
I’m very mildly autistic and so is my boyfriend, and what you said is 100% correct. We both worked on paying attention to what the other person was saying and asking them questions, making them feel seen and understood, rather than always talking about ourselves and trying to be accepted out of insecurity. You have to genuinely change your mindset to care about others more, but it starts with the action of every time you have a conversation, consciously force yourself to ask more questions and listen when they talk so you can ask follow ups and then tell stories that are specifically related to what they said about themself. That’s how you really connect with someone, and people love sharing about themselves :)
Your point about letting your connection with others come from a place of authenticity instead of just charming people/manipulating them to feel good about themselves really resonates! I'm from Washington and live here as well, Seattle is amazing!
This was an amazing video. You are very beautiful and I love the way you explain all of these concepts. I can feel my mental health getting a lot better. I loved how you talked about not letting others who don't know me well decide what I am capable of. I also liked how you mentioned that I should not be taking criticism from people that I wouldn't be taking advice from. Thank you so much Ana! :D
great tips! I tend to take myself and situations so seriously because of perfectionism and dont allow myself to have a social faux-pas from time to time. Its true that if you’re awkward others will sense that awkwardness and vice versa, theres no hiding it. Now I’m trying to loosen up and just be more goofy
I've found that admitting I'm nervous makes people instantly sympathetic and supportive. We've all been nervous, and unless you give them a reason to actually dislike you, they're going to support you.
Yeah, but wouldn't aiming for a competitive school just lead to having to spend years in a really toxic classroom environment, where everybody wants you to fail, because it increases their chances of staying there a second year?
Hey Dr Ana! Truly love your videos and look up to you. During the “live in accordance with your values”, you mention identifying a handful of core values that resognate with who you are and what you are prioritizing in this stage of life. I’d love to see a more in-depth video about how to do this, and some examples of core values, as well as their implications or uses when cultivating relationships.
I love the approach of making others feel special. The worst thing I hate seeing in a person (for any gender/sex) is the type who loves to draw attention to themselves, instead of giving other voices a space. I feel this is very unattractive, and I prefer hanging with a person who is the opposite, and I find that attractive, even with other men as a heterosexual.
It's unfortunate that some of us, women, feel that our body image is closely linked to our quality of life, especially with media and/or we've been through a toxic partner. Just wanted to let you reading this know that your body has nothing to do with your light 🤍🤍
In terms of that fake smile topic. In my case, my genuine smile only moves my mouth but then since I learnt about that info way before watching this video, I've been faking my genuine smile and includes my eyes. Is that ok?
Mindest number 3 is certaintly helpful as I am too awkward in real life. And well, sometimes I get flashbacks about my past awkward moments and feel like dying all over again. It is much better to think I am not that special and that everybody is a little bit awkward
