Experienced one and luckily I dumped him asap..he was shocked that I dumped him at the first sign he was trying to play mind games...most men are grown boys you just have to make sure you have a goal just like you have a goal to graduate College or pay debt down ..cant go into relationship and see where it goes 9/10 it wont go anywhere...guys have 3 months to prove themselves life is too short to waste with people playing games
1. He makes excuses for everything 2. He loves to challenge you to get you to react 3. He's confused about his role 4. He doesn't have a vision or plan for his life 5. He doesn't have God leading him. 6. Makes you question who you are 7. Brings up your flaws instead of uplifting you 8. Secludes you from the world and doesn't support you living your own life but you depending entirely on him *Bonus* He compares other women to you. That's my list.
1. He live with his momma. 2 no skill set or trade. 3. Low wage earner. 4 bad credit. 5. Looking for a women to RESCUE him. 6. Multiple baby mommas. 7 he brings drama on drama on drama. Yes Im petty and had time today🌹
This is so true. My ex from a few years ago, told me during our relationship that his previous girlfriend cheated on him and married another man. I didn't know at the time to consider that a red flag. However, as time went on he began to make me pay for the pain he endured from that woman. He would not fully commit, just wanted to date, his friends were his priority and I know he cheated on me; he was too close to his female friend. When I look back, the signs were there he did have a temper and he did raise his voice at me once in a public setting. I finally got tired and left, of course he tried to reconcile and I blocked him. Ladies don't entertain these grown boys.
Wow, reading your comment really put things into perspective for me. I also should have taken that as a red flag when my ex told me his gf cheated. He exhibited a lot of the same behaviors you've described. In retrospect, it does make sense he was taking out some of his pain on me. I am glad I blocked him and got out of that toxic situation.
Ladies stop trying to mother a grown boy. You will lose yourself, self esteem, self worth, and self respect. Real men take care of a Queen. Grown boys manipulate thru hellraising, condescending,stingy, etc. When you realize that you have value and you being the table to the table then you don't worry if he stays or leaves. A grown women can let go and Let God. There is always room to grow and get back up if you fall prey to this grown boy. We all have experienced these types unfortunately.
So true! I was talking to a 44 y/o. He said “You remind me of the women who would’ve never dated me back in the day. The pretty women never wanted me.” Sir! What does that have to do with me in 2020?! I didn’t even know you! 🤦🏽♀️ I cut that off real quick.
Hi sis! So sad that I have a lot of experience w/ most of the behaviors described in this video and definitely the one you described. God be with us and protect us from these grown boys in 2021! In Jesus’ name!😂
Deflecting, gaslighting, blame, degradation are common techniques used by folks with narcissistic (grown boy) traits. The grown boy operates this way to 'hide' or protect his unresolved trauma, pain of their past. The tap-dance is to keep the partner from discovering his pain, fear, inadequacies. Narcissist seek partners who easily serve others as a way to gain approval.
Please don't take this the wrong way. But it'll take too long for these typ of men to catch up because women are continually growing and changing, in a good way. My advice. Marry an older wiser man. Not much unless you already have a good relationship with an older man to begin with. I'm in a May December Romance after my ex-husband cheated on me with a younger woman. His ex also cheated on him. We drowned our sorrows together and feeling started to develop. He's the most wonderful man I have ever met. We lift each other up in the eyes of the Lord, he is not dominant he leads with love and always forgiving as I am of him.
Notes: *he doesn't have to have all of these 1. Insecure past that he hasn't grown from (he got picked on in his past and now has a "glow up" --> is seeking revenge on women now 2. Past relationships in which the woman cheated on him or left him for someone else 3. Mind games to try to keep you on edge-- inconsistent: to get you to chase him 4.condescending: make you question your values etc . In order to make you feel dumb, he will make you question yourself, even when you come in confident. 5. Temper. He will try to intimidate you verbally for no real reason. 6. Infidelity. Will trick you and them to do "wife things" . 7. Jedi mind tricks 8. Utilize other women in his life against you- ex mom, sister, friends etc; he'll tell them your business to turn them against you. Whole Goal: to get you to drop your guard and ignore you're intuition. This that you are codependent on him and he is out living his best life. He wants you to feel basic and less than. He wants to break you down and makes you feel insecure.
I recently dated this guy that Tony's describing. I thought that this man could move past his insecurities to see that I accepted him for who he was. But it didn't work so I cut my losses.
So true. I dated "down" in the looks department. I loved him for him but this fool had the nerve to cheat, gaslight me, compete with me, get angry if i did anything better, deny my intelligence, rain all over my parade even though i was going through cancer. He thought i was weak and wouldn't leave him before my bone marrow transplant. Joke was on him. Id rather fight for my life alone then be with someone that undermines me at every turn. Now he can't stop telling me he loves me, etc but wont cop to the fact that he was cheating. Block and delete.
I was the skinny dude lol but you right. We can get stuck in a phase of life and never mentally overcome our insecurities. And can develop negative emotions towards women or relationships.
See yourself as God created you! Christ is in you. Hows he see thru you? Come from There. Christ didnt question Gods direction. He didnt get you wrong Grown man. 💜
My ex husband was all 5 of the things mentioned...that's why we are divorced now, he suffers from depression and low self esteem and childhood abuse and abandonment issues, but he thought leaving me and our marriage to be with his married co worker, was the answer to his demons hes battling, I will wait patiently for the man God has for me...
I hope a lot of younger women get to listen to this video and save themselves the waisted years and birthing children for these type of boys The wisdom here is immense
This is crazy what's going on....men going away from women because they aren't vetting out the right women ...women having to endure degrading behavior from men...it's all spiritual
Nosetradamus😂! Tony Gaskins is hilarious without having to try. So the grown boy was mistreated when he was a little boy, weren't we all?🤔 Taking it out on innocent women isn't the answer. Lots of wounded adults walking around hurting others. Be careful, be aware, and be ready to go WIDE. ♥
I broke up with a grown boy in June 2020. He would not let go and still bothering me even after I started talking to another man, a real man. He is just too much!!
I broke up with a grown boy in April 2020. Blocked him and his family from everything! He came by house last week to drop off a folding table I hadn’t even missed. Glad I wasn’t home. He missed out, because I am a great catch. 👦🏾 👋🏾
I got rid of my grown 42 year old boy last week! It's crazy because I'm 27 and I felt like the ages were reversed. I've known him for 6 years and when I finally decided to give him a chance... I slowly saw the Grown Boy in him come out. Keep the Grown Boy University going Tony!!!
Y'all have to understand when you mess with older guys you must question why he's checking for you. Especially, if you're still in your twenties. Most of them, in my opinion, are looking for someone to control.
I dealt with a Grown Boy for 10 years. He lied, manipulated, and strung me along until he thought he got over on me. I guess if you consider him living with his momma & driving her Cadillac more than she does winning then yes he won lol Him leaving was my BIGGEST FLEX. A true blessing! “You meant it for evil but God meant it for good” Genesis 50:20 🙌🏾 I’m loving my life again ❤️
Had enough of giving my ex-fiancé chance after chance to fix his attitude. All these signs were exactly what he was doing. The disrespect, the cursing, the controlling and the yelling. Long story short, 3 days ago cut him off on my birthday because it’s something I cannot continue into the 25th year of my living on this earth. I’m ready to heal, be embraced and be successful in the power of Gods love 🙏🏽 if there is anything I learnt from Tony, it’s that grown boys are not dumb they know and intentionally do dumb things. That’s enough for me to move on and be the successful woman I know I can be in 2021. 🌸
I went through that for almost two years..The Grown Boy was condescending towards me, tried to make me feel as I was crazy, communicated with me when it was convenient for him, and would go AWOL, etc, etc..I experienced the same things that you mentioned in this video..I’m so glad that I let that soul tie go..Too toxic..I’ve been focusing on God, focusing on myself, and accomplishing personal and career goals..IM FREE AND IM NOT LOOKING BACK OR TURNING BACK!
Same; his description is so accurate and relatable. Very comforting though to hear someone call it out and reinforce what my intuition was telling me all along. Thank goodness we can move forward and do better now.
Gurl! My grown ex boy went AWOL. I told him it appears by your actions that you are done with this relationship and if you’re not, I am. He’s regretting it now. I dodged a bullet. Thank you Jesus!!
Heal yourself, once you build/rebuild your self esteem and truly know your worth... You won't allow anybody's dusty son to treat you any type of way. You will drop the codependency' You will have boundaries, you will have standards, and you will put the trash out on the side of the road. So that the men of character can appear. Wishing every one much peace and blessings in the New Year. Thanks Brother Tony for the always relevant knowledge!!! You are appreciated!
Minutes 10-12, Tony's reference to the horse race changed my life for the better. He has a video called "Don't participate in his horse race". It helped me because, I had to learn to check out of young ladies' horse race. Which includes stop watching her social media once she's swapped me out of being of interest to the new knight in shining armor (which might not really be new) that others are so happy along with her that she got. As men, we have the same opportunity to go on about our life and grow until we meet a young lady who may truly mutually like us.
Girls sometimes you have to beat a dude with your words (without the cussing, be classy but lethal with it). I know to some it don’t sound right but it be necessary. But when you see a red flag, sometimes you got to read him up and down (speak the truth). Cause dudes will try to test you, you need to hurry up and beat them to the punch sometimes and read them out.
Everything was SO SPOT ON. Every single sign! 👌🏽 Whew. I needed this today. It’s been a few months since I’ve been in contact with him. It was more like a situationship/friendship because he couldn’t wait for marriage but I guess he thought I would change my mind. If a man ain’t saved, it ain’t gon work ladies! 🤷🏽♀️ Let’s perserve our time and remember how valuable we are. Woman of God causes grown boys to feel conviction, he couldn’t be near you for long because his spirit is in conflict with God.💯
Just went through this... the CONVICTION was SO HEAVY on a particular gentleman, but I was so gentle he couldn't lash out, and so sweetly refused to argue that he couldn't get the satisfaction of making it my fault when I bounced and BLOCKED ... I think he is trying to change and grow up, but he is still in the struggle and I had to leave him there...
@@hymnodyhands the gentleness and silence are the best responses to these type of men. They love to get a reaction out of women. It can be hard to let these type of men (grown boys) go because they typically have traumas, but it’s best just to let them grow and develop on there own.💯 the response you gave was a great one, it’s really his loss. Hopefully these men will eventually seek the Lord.
@@iLoveLemons808 The tragedy is that I do sense that he and the Lord may be wrestling... there is a lot of trying to do better... but then come the reversions... I figure, in that kind of wrestling match, I might get hurt, standing too close-- can't do it!
@@hymnodyhands yess!! Protecting yourself from hurt due to another persons traumas or addictions is important. It sounds like he is wrestling with God and having spiritual warfare with his vices. it can be hard to stay away because we have empathy for them. But Ive learned that it’s best to let go and trust God to handle. It was really hard for me, God kept showing me the signs, but it’s hard when you care for that person. People struggling with traumas and addictions need the desire and gudiance toward change. It’s best that we let them go, but stay in prayer. I knew deep down that the guy I was talking to had too many personal issues that intervened, God really showed me and woke me up that it wasn’t my battle. Sis we both tried everything we could, it’s in Gods hands. I’m sooo happy that we recognized that and kept our standards 💯
If you both don’t stop listening to my convo’s. This is exact same thing I just got out of. By 👦🏾 was saved, so that don’t even matter. A grown 👦🏾 is a grown 👦🏾. I got out and dodged a bullet. Hurting people hurt people.
The part about using other women against you is on point! This is what made me realize that there's something very wrong but I just couldn't articulate it like you did. Thank you for this video it was super helpful
Ladies, Tony is speaking the truth!! Last year I finally let of a grown boy!! Every sign Tony speaks of I experienced with this grown boy!! I knew him every since I was in middle school. From 2016 to 2019 he played with my heart, and mind I thought he had my best interest was I wrong!!!! Ladies it does not matter how much you think you know a man you really don't!! Tony's advice has given me my confidence back and I WILL NOT let another grown boy do it again!! Thank you Tony for your truths!! My family growing up my mother and two younger sisters, my father wasn't in the home. So I truly didn't understand men.
When I caught my ex cheating he denied it to death and even tried to make me feel like I was crazy... If I wouldn’t of had the prof that I did I probably would have believed him smh 🤦🏻♀️
I look back at my marriage and now I see what I was in. I was young, naïve, had low self-esteem and I was desperate for love with a capital "D". I did not know then he was a "grown boy". He told me in so many words the reason why I was there was to take care of him. I've been divorced since the 90's and came out of that marriage depressed, looking way older before my time and broken down. That is how it leaves a woman when you are carrying a man who never matured (and was not willing to change). And Mr. Gaskin is right, they are looking for a "mama" and I fitted the role because of where I was in me. I am telling someone from experience, it will eat at your very life that you will become a shell. And God did not create no one to be anyone's demi-god. Listening to these videos let me see a whole lot about myself and my errors. But it also educating me, strengthening me and stopping me from finger pointing at the man. I am willing to call a spade a spade right off the cuff. "Girl, you need to mature up and heal up" or "that is a grown boy and he needs a mama. Keep moving."
Usually, I don't comment on his vids because I absorb the message read the comments and then move on..Yet, everything he mentioned I went through with my ex for 18 months..it was worst experience I've ever been through with a man! When I told him I was no longer in love with him because of this..he left! And with that, he was left in 2020!! I thank God every day for this rejection🙏🏾🙏🏾
God bless you, my sister. In all honesty, that was God protecting you from future pain that grown boy would’ve put you through... and tbh, he probably felt rejected after you checked him on his bs; they don’t take that well because it’s you stepping into your power and speaking the truth of their mishaps. So rather than taking accountability and changing for the better, he tried to flip it and “reject” you, but trust, sis, he’s the only one taking the loss. Bless you and may God protect and guide you moving forward as you heal🙏🏾
Yes he did most of this but I had been working on myself so I knew something wasn’t right about him I knew something was off and the more he did those things the less attractive he become to me and at the time I didn’t even know what he was doing and why because I was 28 years old I am 32 now. He was also very handsome and he had a good talk game. Every woman needs a Big Brother like Tony. Satan was trying to confuse me but Tony made it Plain and Clear because I didn’t know men would do things like that! Thank God for Tony! 🙌
Most of us have been there. I’ve always been no nonsense but my ex suckered me in. However, the lesson has been learned and will not be repeated. We as women are becoming more wise daily. It gets better!! 🙏🏾
Maaaan ain't the Jedi trick the truth??!! I brought my investigation to light. That joka tried to flip it and say "Well, yes. She's a platonic friend and we've taken 3 trips together. I'm hoping that you and I can take a trip together soon. How do you feel about that?" Ninja, if you don't get away from me! 🙄
@@msjreneful girl, he even had the nerve to tell me that the woman is GOING to have colon cancer next month. She's going to? Whuuuu??? I mean either you have cancer or you don't. Idk about being about to.
I just stopped "talking" to a man who was like quite a few of these descriptions! I walked away because he was soooooooo inconsistent!!! But had the nerve to say that he was always the same all the time and made me feel like I was never good enough. So glad to be free.
My ex is a grown-boy!! Mommas boy that could never do wrong and everything was someone else’s fault. Took me through it mentally and emotionally gave my all with hardly anything in return. Never had a serious relationship but was cheated on in high school. Every argument he either got upset and left or just threw it on me. Never was there emotionally when I needed him to be (didn’t ask often) and played games almost as if he wanted me to chase and make the relationship work. Just left me exhausted for almost a year. Have been watching Tony’s videos and am finally getting back to where I was being a strong God fearing woman I deserve better and I’m going to make sure I get it . 🙏🏼
Thank you. Proves I was right to say to those dudes in my past faces, that they were grown boys. I’m so upset at myself for even putting up with their crap. Happy I am moving forward and leaving that hot mess behind.🙏🏼 I will stay single until God sends me the man he created for me.
I just recently said these men want dumb women! They don't like women who can think at all! You just explained everything I was thinking about. Always had trouble in the relationship department and I see now these men are GROWN BOYS.
You certainly touched home base on this topic I married a grown boy he divorced me and now he’s angry at me for moving on thank you for helping me understand him wow
Im screaming! Grown Boy Captains! Lord help us. I hope our men work on themselves. We all got some past wounds, but we gotta release that, heal and move on!
If I knew then what I know now, when I was younger I would've been a force to deal with. I would've stayed off my back, put on my track shoes, and gave the grown boy my butt to kiss.
You in a relationship with a single man .. Sometimes you have to hear things in certain verbiage for it to resonate with you. This was mine. Thank you Tony. Stay blessed.
Bless you. This came at the perfect time. Someone is on his knees trying to come back. Saying he doesnt want to live without me and would jump thru any hoops to prove he is worthy. Two days in and he is already saying He sees himself as being alone forever. He hasnt even started to jump thru a hoop lol. He is trying to manipulate and rush me to go back to him without work by telling me he thinks he should give up and realize he will be alone forever. This video reminds me.....he seems to still be a grown boy. Bless you Tony. Thank you God.
👂🏽 this video and the “he doesn’t like a woman of color video” is eye opening. I’ve had this information , but hearing a Confident Man of God that’s happily married say this is eye opening. God bless you Mr. Gaskins and the Gaskin’s family.🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Tony, Oh I wish I had this information last year! I ended the relationship however it would have save me time and money! Keep the info coming I was out here looking like a deer in highlights! Thanks Tony
@@lisaburris3539 the fact that you responded or commented on Shannon's original comment in which she mentioned " not liking women of color" so I thought it could be possible that maybe you've experienced the same thing.
I’m not perfect, but these videos have grown me.. I finally stood up for myself. It hurt cause I love the man I had.. but he was definitely a grown boyyy😔
That is my ex-husband. I was the only one in my marriage. He was a bachelor. He found out quick that he couldn't control me in that way. He couldn't break me down to size. But financially and emotionally he was abusive. This was all done covertly. Yes he did this with his sisters. Only told his sorry no good side. Just don't understand how doing all of these things works in their favor. In the end they lose. So glad to no longer have this weak toxic man in my life. So true that they don't forgive or forget. But whatever, he doesn't matter anymore.
I am praying I don't run into this too much in the 37 age group. Been out of the dating scene since my 20's. Lol this makes me feel scared as H. 😬😬😬. Lol I know the signs though, had enough in my 20's. Guess I'll be putting the knowledge to work.
Thanks for wrapping this up....basic insecure, grown boy to a T! 💯🎯 Narcissistic men have these same insecurities, but a "personality disorder" included, because they have none and mirror you, etc.
Yes!!!! You just confirmed what my ex fiancé did!! He left some months ago 4 months shy of a big wedding we planned. He walked AWAY!! I thought it was ME but he was just a GROWN BOY!! Thank you for validating this..omg you gave me the peace I needed to move on. Thank you for this! I tried to fix a broken man but I didn’t create him God did. So God has to fix him. This was HIM to the tee!!
That Alpha Male thing is overrated. Tony has done good work this past month or 2 about how they are using women but not out to choose a woman. Plenty of men who don't identify themselves in that way are successful and may be ballin out of control, want to be a husband and a father to their wife and their children.
My sympathy goes out to all women and men. Who suffer the harsh realities of making bad relationship mistakes in this world. Don't beat yourself up. Remain consistent to the truth. You will one day re-live your broken Dreams. That's if you seek it according to true wisdom of virtue.
I briefly dealt with a “grown boy” who was insecure and possessive. He thought he was slick and kept trying to pressure me into having sex with him. Mind you, we had just known each other for only a month! I wasn’t feeling him all that much, because I felt that something wasn’t right with him. He ghosted me, because I wouldn’t give him what he wanted. Oh well! He had some major issues, and I am glad that I dodged that bullet. 🙏🏾
Tony, you are so right, spot on. I am dealing with this right now. I am leaving very soon. I always pray for him to one day become the man he is destined to be before it is too late. On the other hand, not gonna lie, I wanted revenge so bad, but as time went on, I only feel sorry for him and I wish he starts to truly love himself. I moving on so fast, can't wait! I need a real loving, caring, compassionate, goal-driven man in my corner.
Tony, I'm a living testimony to lot of lessons, that you are teaching. You're truly a GOD sent to this generation. Keeping you and your family in prayer.
Word for word, this was my lofe and my experience of my ex. I wish I had heard this .. but maybe I wouldn't have listened. Please God this saves others of what I went through.. Had a great job and confidence, he broke me down and even said no one else would want me. Spooks me a bit how accurate this is is. Be blessed
I was watching one of your older ‘Recognize Crazy’ videos and this came just in time! Whew, this one was painful to watch cause it hit close to home, but thank God I am not in that situation, anymore. Thank you, Tony for putting this out there.
Mr. Tony! You are making sure we are on point at the jump of 2021! This is so wonderful and empowering. How refreshing to hear such positivity amongst the toxicity. God bless you and your family!
