5 Things You Should Never Say to an Autistic Child (or ANY child). 

Ho0ly Parents seem to be experts at using reverse psychology without realizing it, don't they?

That and Shut Up. This also provoked my ire.

+Matt Hatter Shut up is just plain rude. Provokes me period.

+Holly Handgrenade Oh, and don't get me started on, "why are you angry?" I wasn't angry, but now I most definitely am!

I've heard my parents say "Shut up" or "Be quiet" which angers me and it's a trigger. If you can't tell already, I have a lot of hatrid for my parents because ever since autism ruined my life, it felt worse about myself and can't seem to know how to handle me.

Lorraine I agree with you 100%

u also sound like an empath, love🇦🇺💜🇦🇺💜🇦🇺💜🇦🇺💜🇦🇺💜

It's so heartaching when someone points out to me that I was being rude. I tell them "I only know what I know" and what I know in that moment usually that is hidden feelings like trying to be precise or clear but I don't quite know how to express it, my wording is different than others. And I just don't comprehend what happens.

I think the worrying about everything is insecurity because you were Always misunderstood and accused. If you deal with that, you will worry less because you feel safer in life.

Lorraine I bend over backwards to accommodate NT behavior and still end up offending them

Im sorry but your dad seems to be ignorant and should have time to understand you were.

A parent should never say that to any child especially when they have autism and other things that make it even more tough for them in life crying isn't a bad thing especially when you're actually feeling sad of frustrated and you should be able to show your emotions instead of just having to keep them all bottled up and then eventually explode from all the stress and pain you had to hide inside of you and you or someone should tell your father how to treat you and what he should and shouldn't say it's not okay for a parent to behave in such a horrible manner he needs to be more educated about autism and learn how to treat you like a living person who has just as much right to be happy and respected as everyone else would you like to be treated and he needs to remember that as a parent he should make you feel safe and make sure you know how much you are loved by your family and friends if he continues this you should tell someone that will actually help with your problems like maybe your mother or if she doesn't help try to find another adult who cares about you and your well being I hope your ignorant father learns to see that his actions are not good for your mental health and that he is emotionally hurting you and your self esteem and I hope your not mad at me calling your father ignorant if so I apologise for that and will let you tell me if I should have used a nicer word or if you think I should have called him something different or more mean than calling him ignorant tell me please. And I want you to know that there are people who actually care about you and will try to understand you and help you through tough times and I wish I could be of more help but all I can do is try to give you emotional support and let you know that we are here for you and know how you feel and understand the struggles of the life you live in and that some of us try to educate people about things like this and try to prevent people who suffer from autism from being mistreated and abused and be able to get help and be happy for the amazing people that they are and not worry about what other evil and cruel people think of you. And remember your the way you are for a reason god made you different from others so you can be more unique then the rest of the people in the world and teach others that god dose this so we can admire your strength and will to be good person and be successful despite what others may say and one day they will regret what they did to you and ask you for forgiveness and feel a extreme weight of guilt and you must always remember that success is the best revenge to prove them how wrong about you they were. God bless you and may you have a easier time with your struggles in life.

Same. Also "why are you crying?" (while I´m trying to not start crying) like if I were overreacting

My dad said your too sensitive and he defends himself I just want him listen to my point. He just tells me that I am wrong example "I am not yelling I am talking over ur crying"

My dad's favorite too, well, until I dug my nine inch nails into his back and tore the f8cking shirt right off of him! (I also pushed his ruddy a$$ off the garage stairs and he schreamed like a wittle girl!) Hey crying is better than tomorrow somebody dying.

For me it was MORE relatable at 16. Those were the worst years for me. Good in the sense that I was "defiant", like she said as a way to push back after being pushed for years. Bad because I really believed that I was all the bad things that my parents (especially my dad at this point) told me I was. I wish you the best, you are lucky to live in a day and age where there is understanding out there for people like us, and remember not to believe the things people communicate in a negative way about your behavior!

+HaysterTheOtaku Check out Tania Marshall and her research into Girls and Aspergers... you will find this very helpful. Also Tony Attwood. taniaannmarshall.wordpress.com/2013/06/22/first-signs-of-asperger-syndrome-in-young-girls-pre-school/

Lori Petro thank you!

my parents understand me better than I do myself I don't totally understand aspergers myself and I have it.

Exactly I no how you feel it happens to me

It makes me laugh because I have been told all of this before

Hopefully, we are bringing more understanding, Ursula. My dad is a 71 year old Aspie who did not get a lot of support and was often misunderstood. Thank you for sharing your story! You are not alone.

Ursula Stouffer Wow its like your talking about my childhood but never got a diagnosis of anything. Also, contrary to popular belief there are alot of terrible mothers out there. One thing I learned early is no one tells the truth about interactions, you have to figure it out for yourself, they tell you the answer that gets you to leave while causing the least amount of stress to them. "Its not you, its me" type baloney.

Wow! 50? That makes me feel like I got diagnosed early at 17.

+TEACHthroughLove My Dad and sis are and life has been hell for them but being the youngest having 2 older non NT's as role models made my life complicated as well

Try to forgive your mother. Our parents treat us as per their own life experience and knowledge they have . Parents (most of them) try to give their best to their children. Sometimes they do it wrong because of lack of knowledge or their own problems. From the answer of your mother , it's clear that she wanted to help you . She thought you were too sensitive that's why she treated you though so you could change and survive in this world . She didn't know how she should treat you to help. But it doesn't mean she didn't want it or she didn't love you. Sorry for my English. It's not my native language

Same i don't see the point in it I won't do it I get I so much trouble though

It's nice to know that others struggle with pointlessness, or inane intraoffice politics.

valedro That makes sense.

we are no sheep :-)

valedro Same! Having to work is extremely difficult for me. Not only do I get burnt out very quickly, (so I try to save my energy for meaningful tasks) but I just cannot deal with authority figures whatsoever. I've gotten in multiple arguments with superiors because I've refused to do anything that I knew was pointless. I've even told some of my bosses to "fuck off" because that's just how upset and frustrated it makes me.

Wow, the whole world needs to know this.. Stop the presses!

@@allenhaywood9608 And now the whole knows you're an asshole. Stop the presses! 💩

Debra ? Well said. That said, I think you did a fantastic job with your son. Care to adopt me too ??? ( just kidding. :) have a great day ! )

ehm i mean, i learned that all on my own tho. the task thing is kinda iffy though... like one time in class when i was 14, we could let our books in class instead of taking them home, i always took everything home since i liked to know where my books were at all times. so normally the person on the far left has to give the whole row their books so not everyone runs to the place to get their own book. now since i always took my book home, and probably the only one aswell, when the person next to me was sick i refused to do it because i did not see the point of doing it, why did i have to get punished to stand up and go around when easily the person next to me that did need his own book could do it for the row instead? like.... im the one thats already carrying all the weight home and back because i dont want to be bothered by other people. so yea i refused and just didnt do it i even said why and still got detention. also the teacher hated me... might have seemed like a fuck you in her face but its not ment that way anyway, i mean i even explained why i didnt want to do it.... as for answering everyone with respect, ehm i think i've always done that anyway. as of hard working, that depends on what the task was, if it was with my hands you can bet all your money on it that i was terrible at it. from woodwork to drawing/painting, everything just terrible and slow. then you get me at a pc and suddenly im among the fastest and find new ways to do things better or quicker, time and time again. oh and now, i have to search a job right... I applied for one of the most autistic jobs ever with tons of repetitive tasks, well its basically 1 repetitive task, high precision needed and i got declined. reason being, on the test i had a perfect score, at the interview i apparently (i quote/translate): "our biggest reason was that during the interview. We had difficulties getting to a dialog and it felt more like a question-answer conversation. Next to that you didnt seem to convince us that this job was right for you. Other candidates were better at showing their motivation more directly. In our conversation we even had the impression that you looked down on the job." soo basically i am bad at communication, even tho i really liked the job and its like a perfect fit, somehow i could not get that across. and well if a task is so simple that it requires little to no thinking but just a lot of precision and pattern recognition, well i mean... if im super good at that ofcourse im going to be confident and say that its not a big deal. thats like asking a professional athlete if he can swim 1000m and they are like oh yea, i can do that no problem, when the other person next to them is like what the fuck. even the busstop was right infront of the building, and i dont want to drive a car since i get tons of anxiety from it because i have to look at so many things at once... so that was nice too actually this really really really turned me off from finding a job. im actually sooo sad -_-

We also lose patience as we are human too

Debra donkey, as my boy is entering now the "adult" legal age, 18 his twin brother has had no issue starting to be on his own and be responsible. He's matured in a way I didn't expect and as a mom, yeah I'm proud of him. My other son, has Aspergers. He too will enter college in a private school as he was offered a scholarship let's just say across the continent literally in the same country...LOL.. I don't mind to move. But he does want for me to go with him. He doesn't want to be placed with other people and likes being on his own. I have my fear that if something happens to me will he be able to cope on his own and so far away from his father, my ex husband and his twin brother? Will I be able to teach him enough? should I do what other's are telling me to do, to just ship him out on his own across the country and place him with others? when he clearly has stated that he doesn't and won't go If I don't go with him? am I pampering him too much? should I take that leap and just send him alone, I personally feel as well, he's not ready yet to be on his own like that. I don't mind moving with him across the country, I feel I can prepare and teach him better if I'm there with him in a different city and little by little teach him to be independent. would like to hear opinions on this as I'm emotionally so confused as to what is the right thing to do. For me, the right thing is to go with him and help him out.

Nora what did you end up doing?

I used to do that without realizing it and people would get mad and try to start fights with me.

I hate what the education system and it's bully teachers have done to my precious Grandson, times when i have wanted to thrash those who abuse their position and treat children the way they do. My grandson suffered greatly at their hands. He has ptsd, anxiety and OCD. I'll never forgive them, never. God bless you and thank you for sharing. It means a lot.

same

If you're a woman not sure about guys I read that our intellectual empathy is off or not in tune so much but our emotional empathy is high that's something i came across i just started reading about it though because it's just been suggested to me by a psychiatrist that i might have a.s.d.. i was visiting him to see if i had a.d.d

Thank you for watching, Ankit!

@@teachthroughlove all the stuff you said in the video applies to adult Aspies too--it really would be good to not say harmful things to anyone, ND or NT.

Zoe Murtagh me too my dad doesnt understand either

if your parents are Narcissists like mine, they will never understand, cause they don t want to

Does anybody understand?

David Lafleche. Good point.

I figured out that I'm not a good conversationalist, unless the topic is educational in some way. But I found another method of getting a point across: writing. I wrote a novel. My sister read it, and said, "I felt as if you were talking to me."

Look at the top of their nose instead if you can't make eye contact. It looks like eye contact, and you can see their facial expressions, but it's not as direct. Which makes it less awkward. :p

+leila jade so many of the label markers overlap. Many AS people also have ADHD - for me - avoiding foods that mess with my brain and lots of mindful habits and daily coping strategies are what help my executive function and processing - in general.

That makes sense Aspergers and ADHD share a lot of the same symptoms

+leila jade One of the main theories out there is that they are both different shades on the same "spectrum" -- thus, the "autism spectrum." I personally don't think they are different phenomena so much as different degrees of the same phenomenon.

They're often co morbid, so there's that. I suppose they're very similar.

People with aspergers have high levels of cortisol in ther bodies, due to chronic stress. High levels of cortisol kills neurons in the brain, and may cause lots of the ADD symptoms, that asperger people have.

You cast a spell on me, spell on me! You hit me like the sky fell on me, fell on me! And I decided you look well on me, well on me! Now let's go somewhere no one else can see you and me! Turn the lights out now, I'll take you by the hand, hand you another drink, drink it if you can! Can you spend a little time? Time is slipping away, away from us, so stay! Stay with me, I can make, make you glad you came!

The problem with that is, for a kid with autism, you DO need to tell them, and you need to spell it out in specific detail. People would say”don’t you get the hint?” It always felt like everyone was speaking in secret code and I was the only one who didn’t know the codes.

They told me all of those things

My Dad is the king of all these!! The reason he will be rotting a nursing home when he's retired. Why take anymore "shit" from him?

Everything you said is true, and I mean everything. Nobody understands me.

all I ever heard was your "evil" jus like your father...or you cook like your mother or your this or that....always a label except never the right diagnonsis or label for understanding....I wonder how I got through life not using drugs or alcohol or food as an excuse to hide.....I just knew that I was smart enough not to be as much as a bitch as parental figures were to me and tried to understand when no one understood me...I even had to self diagnos myself because even doctor s weren't smart enough to diagnos Asperger s and still aren't...its just insane sometimes how you feel like waldo in a crowd belonging but never belonging wearing stripes instead of plain clothes!

Penny Giller... You are awesome Penny.. I went thru the same kind crap.. I was told I was lazy.. I was told I didnt apply myself to this day I hate the word apply.. Told I wouldnt amount to anythng.. I was compared to other kids.. Look what this little boy did he is smart why aren't you smart.. I tried to tell my mom I was autistic and never got that far she would rather yip and fuss than listen.. I got diagnosed as a adult as hi functioning autistic pass aspergers on the spectrum.. I have a job I love and am satisfied with it.. I wear my autism as a badge of honor it is a battle that I had to fight alone.. Autism made me who I am.. You are a lot stronger than the ppl who criticize you.. You are not mentally tied to the crap they are and they hate it.. Ppl do envi autistic ppl we see thngs they dont and not tied to the same crap they are.. Dont let em get ya down.. I will subscribe to your channel.. I love autistic ppl cuz I are one..😀👍..

I felt sorry for myself because I had no shoes. Until, I saw the man who had no feet. Life is an adventure with highs, lows and all in between. You cannot change your experience. You can change your perception. If, I learned at 23 what you did? The differences in my life would have been amazing. I didn't learn I'm an Aspie until I was 68. Also am face blind, sensory & hearing issues and ADHD. You can do whatever you chose. Allow yourself the benefit of failure, it is far more peaceful than always beating the crap out of yourself. You are what you are, they are what they are, SO WHAT? Live is an adventure, not unlike a video game only you didn't get to chose your character. But, you can collect rewards and tools and live a life of happiness. I did it mostly, so can you.

Omg so have I!

YES, SAME.

I focus on mouths too I can read lips great* *50/50 percent chance that I can

+Rohan Zener unless you can't tell it is a by product of aspergers/autism. I know because I have struggled with it my whole life

+Rohan Zener no it's not I "suffer" from autism it's a very real disorder look up mind with autism vs mind without autism.

I agree I took too long to be diagnosed I'm almost 14 and I was diagnosed about 7 months ago and I try and find other reasons on purpose I don't want to be those kids who use their disabilities and issues going on as an excuse to get out of things they are capable of doing sometimes though I feel like I'm being too hard on myself and teachers need to know to back off when they say certain triggers and do certain things it easily ruins my day and I can't stop thinking about it for ages

Anyone who says they have Asperger's as a manipulation tool, probably doesn't actually have it. I'd call the kid out for being a liar and tell his parents about his lies.

It's sounds like she being pretty straight up when It came to telling you that she wanted to meet up with other friends. You are kinda "the baby" of the group and shunning does happen sometimes. I think she might have been concerned that these other friends might not treat you with respect too(these insider friends might not have good intentions and nts tend to become human piñatas in insider cliques). I understand your hurt but she might have been also trying to shield you from harm. Your intentions are good but be careful; you might just want to ask her if something had come up and ask if she feels comfortable sharing. Stating that your hurt and bluntly asking why you could'nt even give me 2 mins of your time will definatley ruffle some feathers(also shows signs of weakness and that she can easily "play" with your emotions) and reaction could be one of three things: 1. Make up a huge lie or make a snide remark just to piss you off more(ex: my younger sister would make this loud squeal when she would get mad and I found it absoultly hilarious so I would just keep picking on her "Since ya can't use yer words like a big girl!" 2. Make some empty threats; Ending the friendship, Threatning to take you to court for any money or gifts she might have given you(now claiming that they were loans), Badmouthing you to other individuals while your not present so when your introduce your treated like crap automatically. 3.Social Media(IMPORTANT): Social media trolling is an art form. Smear campaigns can ruin a reputation for anyone but if your an insider it's really bad(well if your NT) cause word travels really fast and your a$$ about to be the laughing stock of the internet. Yes your friend could go on a smear campaign without you even knowing until it's too late. When it comes Aspergirls, WE ARE QUEENS! That means we live to the fullest and our reputations are gold to us cause that is what alot of us have been taught with early ABA. We don't get better, we just get smarter. Good luck.

Hi Heather! Thanks so much for being here. While I can’t offer personal advice because there are so many dynamics in your situation that I don’t know and I’m not qualified to offer a medical opinion - I do want to say that no matter what, our responses to children can inform their future behaviors. Behavior is always communicating something about what’s happening for our kids. It’s always valid. I didn’t see how old your child is so this could be very typical for any young child. Children don’t manipulate to get what they want in the same way that adults might think. So much to say and can’t do it in the comments so please check out the free courses on my website for more info.

Charles Preston She is not describing you as a child. This video was created for adults who have or work with children who also have Asperger's to help those adults better interact with those children. It doesn't mean every Aspie is a child or child-like, she is also an Aspie. The video is just about interacting with those Aspies who are still children.

Victor Reis Sobreira I was trying to help Charles understand something because he seemed confused about it. There is really no need for you to insult me.

+militarybrat1121 Are you an aspie, because I've heard they can't take a joke that well?

"I wasn't expecting a joke to be thrown in here" This being not just "the internet," but RU-vid in particular, there are many threads -- including (especially!) many on the most sensitive and solemn of issues -- where the sarcasm:serious ratio exceeds 3:1.

Sarcasm is hard to read sometimes when you just have text to rely on, with no /s after the text in question. I also mistake people being serious for sarcasm sometimes in text because I'm thinking that no one could be THAT stupid (sadly, they can).

I do not laugh often either. Very rare occasions and as I have gotten older it is even less. I am married and when I do laugh, my husband looks at me in aww. It is a very rare thing for him to see. Also as I have gotten older it is getting harder and harder to smile, my mouth is in a constant frown. I try very hard to smile, makes it difficult to take good pictures. I wish I was like some others and could smile and laugh all day.

same for me, when I was a kid I remember being so nice and I loved everyone but when I started getting bullied all the time I started to hate people more and more.

@lilylaura6955 my son can talk he’s struggle most on the crowd.