Just had a huge RJ episode after half a year of blissful silence. I don't know why, i've been around myself more than her. We have to keep fighting guys 💪. Let's all make it to the peak of this gigantic mountain and get to the other side
I just did this for the first time. My first time putting in the effort on what u have been saying changed this night for me! It would have been completely different if I have never watched this video!!! I'm going to keep watching your videos and keep putting in the work!! He has cheated in the past so that was stopping me from thinking it was all my fault but what I know now is I can't control what he does. If he cheats he cheats. No snooping or badgering I do will stop it.
Hey idk if you will reply but I cry and vomit almost twice every month over my gf past while we where in the talking stage she went into great detail about her past and it made me sick to my stomach but I loved her also I am a virgin, I rarely bring it up but I feel sick almost every night I don’t know what to do
In fact, this is your business now, since being with someone means to embrace all the good and bad choices that person has made throughout their life. That's exactly what a woman does when she selects a man capable of providing value, the kind of thing that isn't built in a week, but often with a lifetime of good choices, discipline, patience, competence, when everything around leads to fun, distractions, frivolity, etc. When a young man is capable to overcome these things and have a purpose, success is a matter of time. Women, on the other hand, are precious from the start, and their struggle is to preserve this original value avoiding promiscuity. Girls never take a broke dude at his 30s and fool themselves by saying "it's none of my business what he did" because they don't have time to waste on that nonsense. We man should be selective as well. And the inescapable fact is: all of a girl's ex-boyfriends had her in better sexual conditions than her current one. Every time a woman leaves a relationship and starts another, she is offering her next partner LESS than the previous one had.
My problem with this is .. what if those people are still around and might want to be involved. I don’t like being blind by history . Which is why I’m here watching this video 😵💫
@@catherinesolano5505I think that’s why it’s important to trust your partner and sit down and talk to them about how you’re feeling and if there’s anything that’s making you question their loyalty or has you feeling a certain way then I’d say just be honest talk to that person about it and I’m sure you’ll get that reassurance
Thanks for the pointers! When you have RJ thoughts, it's important to remember that your partner probably didn't set out wanting to sleep with a certain number of people. He or she ended up dating whoever they dated because the previous ones didn't satisfy their needs. Or only satisfied them to a certain extent and insufficiently. So they moved on. And since they're dating you, you're certainly better than those they've dated before! You need only be concerned if there are lingering psychological or sexual hangups that prevents both of you from having a loving relationship And even these can be overcome with understanding, affection and trust!
It's really hard when it's their ex wife. A lot of their past experiences include them, so the ex wife is always coming up inadvertently in conversations.
I had RJ with my previous partner. We worked on it for years but ultimately I couldn't get over it and it ended the relationship. It was such a relief to be free of that then my next partner told me something I didn't want to hear and it happened all over again. Does this mean years of more suffering with the same thing?
Probably yes. The only medicine I know against RJ is no mental juggling, no comfortable lie, but it is unfortunately ending the relationship. Then find a girl with no sexual history
Hey Matt, I just wanted to say thank you for your videos they really really helped me. The start of my RJ journey was 5 days ago, and luckely after one day of suffering with this enxhiedy and thoughts I came across your videos. I had so much pain in my heart that I thought I would have to break up with her or I would die. But today I woke up without any thought about her past or future and when I remembered the picture in my had that triggered me so much, I didnt felt any bad thing, it was as If I would pick up a cup and feel nothing special about it. I really thought I would never be able to feel like this, but here I am proving it is possible. Sry for the english im from switzerland😄🇨🇭
Hey thanks for asking☺️ I must say the thoughts still come up sometimes but I truly learned how to handle them and disregard. But Im in a much better place right now
@@HigorMatos yes I feel exactly the same brother. Like im a different person. But I can tell you, you can realy break out of this hijacked mode and become the person you want to be. I know in this situations it feels sometimes impossible to come out of if but if you follow this steps of matt then you can feel the pain a bit and after a time it goes away. Only if you not let go of the thought and try to still roomenate with it then it stayes, but it is possible to break out of it, you have always the choice even though it doesnt feel like it. You can do it I believe in you
@@michaelh.7580 I think I got It. I'm not fluent in english. Sorry about that. So, It is possible to get free from this condition " once and for ALL" like i was before? Thank you for answer me, brother.
I need help. I don't know if this is retroactive jealousy but it probably is. My girlfriend didn't have any sexual experience before me. She had one boyfriend in highschool who is a really good guy and they didn't have anything sexually related beside kissing. The thing that started bothering me obsessively is when she said she kissed with her highschool friend one time, just kissed and thats it, they've been on a dates before that and went on a date after the kiss when she told him she doesn't want to be with him because she didn't believed that he will stop smoking weed aldo he really stopped after that. Also she mentioned that she once danced with some guy in s club, just danced, nothing provocative on anything like that and those two things are killing me inside. I don't know why, completely irrational... I mean she is 21 years old and I have much more experience than her, objectively speaking she doesn't have any experience at all but those two things are constantly in my had. Thoughts of ha ha I kissed your girlfriend before you or I danced with your girlfriend before you. I don't know why is this happening to me. I never attacked my girlfriend for it cause i realised its totally irrational myself but I still can't get these thoughts out of my head. I love this girl, she is the best girl I've ever met and the beside my thoughts everything is going great in a relationship. I don't know what to do, I don't want to feel this way
You got it good bro thats nothing a lot of people are going through a lot worse dealing with people who slept with 50 60 people your girlfriend didn’t really do much it’s going to be okay bro your feelings still matter but honestly it’s not that big of a deal it could’ve been a lot worse
It will get better, i have very similar story with my girlfriend. The intensity of these thoughts doesn't vary depending on the extent of sexual encounter. It is what it is. But we will get better for sure, you are not alone in this journey!
@@SidhantKumar-h8l The things are better now mate, I focused more on myself and the relationship is going well. Just when I thought I cured from it the RJ attacked again when her friend told me one time she danced with her brother at one party but nothing happened afterwards. Instead of being proud of my girlfriend for controlling herself and everything I'm once again feeling disgusted. Hopefully I will get out of this like got away from previous things.
Great description of your feelings.Same as during my 20s. It seems that the unconscious mind is very strict regarding who should be the pro-creator of your descendance. The conscious mind says, nothing to worry she is ok n clean. It’s a losing battle, I left. Now, scientifically speaking, the girl's body stores her different partners' semens/ fluids,into her dna. Lots of research re: the effects on her organs and psyche. Previous partners’ dna were already detected in women's placenta. Research goes on.. Mind you, even today, 20 y later, it feels toxic vibes around sluts, avoiding their proximity, in order not to feel disgust, or vomit.
How do you deal with it after they already cheated and u are a jealous person and try to get over it and try to trust after they already broke your trust? Don't know if you get what I'm saying but I'm so trying to get over it because he says he will never do it again and I need to get over my jealousy to let go.
Male retroactive jealousy is correct. Obviously when this becomes a mental illness like OCD, and you start to have intrusive thoughts and all the torment that this entails, we are talking about something bad; but this is actually your psyche's last resort telling you that you are in a dysfunctional relationship and should think about leaving. I repeat: retroactive jealousy is correct. Trust your instincts on this thing. Resisting or fighting against it is attacking your psychological organism as if you were offering your body a substance to which you are allergic. Find a girl with no or little sexual experience and be happy, have peace. Otherwise you will only be lying to yourself.
I must disagree on this one. Struggling with RJ doesn't mean having dysfunctional relationship, that's something YOU are struggling with, that's dysfunctional relationship you have with yourself and the thing is, that you can actually overcome it with helpful and caring partner.
Nah i dissagree with you. My girlfriend was a virgin when we met and I m the first guy she had sex with. It still attacked me and RJ sneaked into my head. The past matters for me but I learned to be rational about it. I wouldnt mind if she had sex with 3-4 guys considering our age but it would matter a lot if the number is a lot higher than that. The thing is i had issues of her dancing or kissing with a few guys before me, I remember being soo messed up at that time. I m glad that I feel a lot better now
Yes thats true. We men often struggle with Our own Ego and If we have many sexual experiences ITS OK but dare you If a Woman hast many sexual experiences. I think ITS deeply rooted in society@@adelasedlackova3989
