Bully banter is exactly what I struggle with at work. Being the youngest of the old trades, everyone targets you. And when you call them out they say "it's only banter" but when you're the only target in the group, it doesn't feel like "banter"..
Calling out banter as bullying is the absolute worse thing you could do. If your lucky they will learn that you can't take it and will not talk to you anymore and treat you like a baby if your not lucky they will rib you even harder until you can take it or quit. You need to banter back with them. You said they are old. Just use that. That's what I did. Constantly lol. If you can work as hard as these guys and laugh at yourself (including your mistakes, you will make them and they know it) and laugh at them as well (everyone makes mistakes) I promise you trades guys are the most loyal friends you will find on the worksite. *** some guys are just jerks best way to tell that is if they dish out the banter but can't take it from you. Good luck buddy.
We have a guy like that at my work. I can 100% say it's his fault. He's not even the youngest or least experienced. He refuses to change any of the negatives we banter about. Going on 2 years of banter and we're pretty sure he finally married his fiancé of 10 years just to make us stop teasing about dragging her along. Everything else is his own deficiency that he refuses to change. And it'd be easy to change too. Like actually trying to solve a problem before asking everyone in the office. Or being on time. Or more organized.
To play devils advocate for talking over people, some people lack the ability to stop talking or they talk in circles, repeating themselves. Talking over people is rude, but sometimes people need to be cut off.
It’s totally fine to talk over people, you just need to be careful when you jump in because you don’t accidentally want to cut off something that’s interesting or important. Some people just really like to talk. They are self aware of it and don’t mind people talking them to get a word or 2 in.
@@108wee It's not fine in my culture, we let people speak before taking our own turn to speak. Of course if someone is talking and talking then it's different and with friends it's not that strict but as a general rule we don't talk over people.
I've experimentally tried just letting certain people talk and going out of my way to not interrupt, they NEVER stop. Often the way they speak seems specifically structured so there is never a clear endpoint or conclusion for you to reply to - just an endless stream of vague run-on sentences.
That JRE clip is actually insane. Guest opens up about one of the most sensitive and personal things one can share and Joe gives his focus to the MMA clip in the background
I can't explain to you how much it hurts when ur trying to open up to someone and they keep getting distracted by something that just doesn't matter. And idk what's worse, if they do it on purpose or not.
I recently experienced this. I was trying to reconnect with some folks by sharing a very cute, anecdotal story with the group when I was rudely cut off so one could show the other an app on their phone. I know when you’re cut off like that, the correct thing to do is not allow them to talk over you and come back and finish the story, but I was so pit off by the rudeness that I ended up excusing myself and leaving the situation.
Inauthenticity is the source of most problems socializing. People think people won’t like the real them, but unless you’re genuinely rude, people will appreciate what makes you unique.
We are the people so we should know this by default. There is something else at play here. Everyone knows but something(s) push them. We don't need others to test this, we can observe ourselves also...But honestly, who cares. We'll forget about it tomorrow, right?
Disagree to an extent. People with ADHD have more social difficulties and part of is it is being their authentic self will cause them to be distracted and or interupt people. Just be yourself doesn't work.
Roughly, but there are caveats. Be yourself, but _be willing to improve yourself_ . Be humble and straightforward about what you struggle with and get yourself to genuinely care about the other person's experience. If you have a disability that makes it more difficult to interact with others, be upfront about it, but also promise to do your best. Using your disability as an excuse to interrupt or say inappropriate things won't fly, or if they think that's what's happening.
My husband’s uncle (who I’m not close to) decided to get a laugh at my expense in a public setting. He called me fat and ugly at a lunch with MY neighbors. Side note: I bodybuild so not fat but rude anyways… Also pretended to not know my name and dismissively waved his hand calling me Rachel, Rosanna etc… This backfired spectacularly. I walked away from the interaction and his wife cried out in horror. My husband told him “you really effed up” and everyone else was generally disgusted and stunned. Not sure why some people think getting a laugh at someone else’s expense is a good thing. It just makes you look like a jerk.
Normally, I’d say it comes from insecurity. In this case, it sounds to me like he flat out doesn’t like you and lashes out when he can. I’ll poke fun at myself at myself for a laugh, leaving others out of it. My boss had a go at me in from of an attractive woman a few days ago. I just let the fat old guy go, knowing that he wasn’t gaining any prestige in anyone’s eyes, let alone hers.
He said it in the vid kind of but to play it safe don’t tease them about negative things at all, especially if you’re not close to them, like don’t point out their flaws
Here is one way that can be helpful to think about it: Make fun of them for something that clearly is not true. Don’t call someone loser if they’re not very popular or just normal. However, if someone is very popular and has a lot of friends, then joking that they’re a loser with a clear facial expression and tone that is completely a joke is fine. The joke is that you both know they’re not a loser. However, usually it’s best not to joke around about attributes like that. Instead, calling them a loner (a choice) rather than a loser (an issue), would go over much better. If someone is average looking or even slightly good looking, or even if they are attractive, but they seem to focus a lot on worrying about their appearance, don’t joke around about them not looking nice. However, when they’re clearly confident, the bell of the ball, walking around with people constantly complementing them, then calling them ugly might work. However, again, it would be better to say something like, “you’re showing up looking like a slob, as usual” (clearly a choice, and clearly not true) is better than a personal trait or characteristic (ugly, their fashion sense). Also, make fun of them for something that - even if it isn’t true - is not a bad thing. For example, joking about how they’re constantly having to decline dates from people, or how their social calendar is always full, or how their work is always the best, won’t really offend anyone. However, don’t say those kinds of things in comparison to yourself if it makes you look lesser. Saying their work is better than yours, when your work isn’t very good, and it sounds like your self-conscious about it, isn’t funny. It feels awkward, and it seems like you’re fishing for a compliments. However, if you both have straight As, talking about how their work is always better than yours is totally fine. So say things like, “this is the guy that kills it with the ladies!” Just think about Trevor Noah’s skit on how a lot of people in the black community put people at ease immediately by saying things like, “is that you? It’s you, isn’t it! Hey, everyone, it’s him!” It’s not actually communicating anything other than a positive attitude towards the other person. So just having a positive and light emotion when you’re saying, this stuff makes a huge difference. A little enthusiasm, a huge smile, no touch of anything aggressive or malicious, but only bright and positive.
Idk if this is helpful, but the most important thing is that they have to know that you like them despite or even because of the thing that you're teasing them about. That has as much to do with how close and healthy the relationship is as it does to do with body language.
When I hear someone talking bad about another person it instantly triggers something in me that makes me dislike you and feel something that I should be cautious around you” not trust you”.
If all someone ever seem to do in conversation is rag on other people or diminish their achievements, it gets old fast, especially when you make the effort with them to listen, because that's exactly how they come across, untrustworthy, or at best incredibly insecure.
7. ??? 8. Profit j/k. listening to music without headphones while in line at the bank, wearing white socks with black shoes, making dad jokes at funerals, am i missing any?
@@crackaby7075it makes the socks stand out. usually it looks good when you’re wearing like converse or doc martens, but i think it doesn’t look as good when they are just some all black air force 1’s. it’s all preference but in my opinion and probably the original commenters it looks better with black socks.
I really admire how careful you are to judge a specific behavior as helpful or less helpful, while asserting a given person is more than a clip or a conversation. That really keeps it classy, and it's very kind and gracious.
I do agree that you can interrupt people when they are talking. But some people don't let you talk ever, they want to talk alone. So if you want to talk you have to interrupt them!
What a great call out at 5:10 by Andrew Schulz regarding someone looking at their phone during a conversation: "What bothers you right now?" "Nothing. You looking at your phone while we're doing this interview. And everyone seeming disinterested." "What do you mean?" "'Me taking time out of my day to do this and then feeling like I'm forcing you guys to do the podcast."
@@joehlloyd He's just a shithead. Got rich and famous young, has things handed to him, no real passion or desire to learn. I've never seen a good clip of him.
My old housemate used to always do that. I'd be in the middle of a story, just the two of us in the room, and he'd whip out his phone and start texting. It'd make me feel completely worthless every time. Then he'd ask questions which showed he hadn't listened to me and I'd have to repeat parts. Whenever I called him out on it he'd freak at me and say it's not a big deal. Eventually I started doing this thing of just stopping talking as soon as he looked at his phone and refusing to finish my point rather than repeat it or wait for him. I think that was eventually the thing that got him to break the habit
cutting people off when they're talking is probably one of my worst habits. And it is so hard to get rid of because it is just spontaneous, I will usually cut someone and realize what I did a second after and get mad at myself.
Do you acknowledge to the person that you were talking to that you cut them off? Most people are very appreciative if we recognize our rude moment and then give them space to continue with what they were saying.
Especially slow talkers. You just assume they are done. They stop and ponder before another sentence comes out. For most of its free flowing seemless thoughts to words. Hard to catch and not step on their toes
Neil DeGrasse Tyson really was accurately represented in the short clip, he believes that he's smarter than he is and that it gives him the right to talk over and down to others.
That's why Brian Cox is so awesome. He really doesn't mind "dumbing down" for the person he's talking to, and explains everything with the utmost of respect, as he knows not everyone is an astrophysicist.
The negative Nancy tip is legit, and it applies as a general rule with social groups as well. You can absolutely vent to your social groups especially with good friends, but you shouldn’t dwell in that mindset for too long and especially let it become what you’re known for. I knew a guy in high school that always had this mindset, no matter what the situation was he was always unhappy about it, always complaining, and worst of all if he didn’t like something he would basically want everyone to feel the same way about it. Then he’d get upset and wonder why nobody invited him to things or wanted him around, and especially why he couldn’t get a girlfriend. People don’t want to be brought down, and even if they don’t dislike you as a person if they expect to feel that way around you they probably won’t be super anxious to have you along.
@@Rubindy I agree that sometimes there's a toxic positivity mindset, but that has nothing to do with "negative nancys". I find that a lot of these people are so absorbed in their negativity they come out as slightly narcissistic. Like, yeah, you may have some problems, but if that's all you ever talk about, you're basically only ever talking about yourself, if all you feel is bad about yourself, that comes across as self-absorbed. Also, never forget you can't ever expect others to help you with your problems. If they do, that's a bonus, not something you're owed.
@@ric6611 You helped round out this comment thread. Thank you for that. It's a problem I'm working on myself. Learning to ride the wave of negative emotion rather than tumbling in it is a huge thing for me.
@@leob4403very helpful, ‘you should not do that because it means you are immature’ will surely instantly fix it. Of course you shouldn’t be nervous when talking to someone, but what advice do you have for someone not te be other than putting them down for something they are already insecure about? Imagine watching this video, then leaving a comment that makes you utterly dislikable.
I feel the phone one so hard. I used to DM for my group. 12 years, 8 of it before everyone had phones. Once phones became ubiquitous, I would get so frustrated. I would spend hours planning an adventure and in the middle of the climatic moment, half the table is looking at their phones.
@@KanyeT1306or reward folks for not messing with their phones. Engagement gets extra points, or fun stuff that might help later in game. If a person is really big on certain loot, maybe give them an extra roll foe something they really want if they were consistently not being distracted.
I dont play DnD or anything but I play boardgames and miniature games and I find it hard to even think about my phone. It almost doesn't exist to me to the point where my ex-wife would get frustrated that Im not answering 😂
@@KanyeT1306 if you have to establish that rule, then it makes the setting feel disingenuous. You should surround yourself with people who have the choice to be on their phone, but would rather be invested in YOU and the people around you.
I appreciate that this was pointed out in 6:25. People tend to look at clips and shorts videos of something someone did wrong, and come to a conclusion where that's what they are. Not just celebrities deal with it, but people with a large following always deal with people like that.
Neil deGras Tyson explained it perfectly the last time he was on the JRE. He figured out early in his career that he needs to talk in sound bites. He practiced and practiced. I think Now it’s hard for him to have an actual conversation. He’s to concerned about trying to blow peoples minds with little facts that he doesn’t listen to what the other person is saying.
@@user-mm8vw1ow1x this exactly most scientist/doctors are really smart and can socialize in any scenario but what separates Tyson from the rest is he constantly talks over people and doesn't listen to anyone but himself
People think if they look bad it’ll make people like them less when in reality if you show your mistakes and imperfections it makes you relatable as a human and shows you’re secure, realize you don’t need to worry as much about what other people think and if your friends make you feel bad when you make mistakes they’re most likely bad friends, it shows they don’t have your well being in mind. You can always choose your friends
What's the point of those friends making you feel bad when you also show them your mistakes and imperfections which might be the reason why you feel bad? They say as the system is built find a way to optimize.
@@beatsme7420 I’m not entirely sure what you’re saying, I mean when friends pick you apart for everything and make it unenjoyable to be around them, there’s a balance and a line for every individual that they have to find. I personally am fine with lots of sarcasm and teasing but I try not to actually hurt anyone’s feelings or have friends that find fun in hurting people, thats my line. If your friends make fun of your insecurities they may be bad friends or they may not know that whatever it is is an actual insecurity
Very much on point. I notice a lot of these habits when I talk to people, and I find myself guilty of some of them on occasion. Insecurity is the source of many of these instances; not wanting to reveal who You truly are and how You truly feel.
I struggle with talking over people that one is my biggest down fall. I think i am talking then someone talks after then I remember something else related and i need to say it before i forget so i talk over someone.
I hate people who can't make jokes without offending others. You don't necessarily have to make jokes all the time and if you do make sure to keep other people's feelings in consideration.
I’m an easy going person, but I want to be taken seriously when needed. There are other people that always seem quick to judge or are in a bad mood most of the time. I think it’s funny how people have to adjust the words we use to ask a question or make a statement just to be able to work with people that are hard headed. These people need to adjust how they actively listen to others. Eff them!
It's incredible that even really charismatic people can make such bad blunders in conversation, that can even go as far as alienating their conversation partner.
I've had my perspective adjusted on a couple of matters. The first is the 'Negative Nancy' label. I tend to think creatively and offer unique viewpoints on various topics, and I'm starting to understand how this might be perceived when I'm simply presenting an alternative angle. The second correction is bully banter. I'm a friendly introvert who loves dark humor, and sometimes I dive into playful banter a bit too eagerly when I'm vibing with a new buddy.
I was never a big fan of NGT, but after seeing him on JRE, I couldn't stand the guy. His ego is the size of Jupiter. 😅 Great episode. I've become really conscious about the phone cue and I've trying to distance myself from it more. A side note, if someone likes something that I don't and innocently brings it up, I'll sometimes jab at it with some levity, being receptive to how the other person seems to feel. I'll also often make it clear that it's fine to have varying opinions and I wouldn't be judging them for liking it. Finally, it's good to come up with something that you do admire or appreciate about that thing, too. That way you're not just leaving a subject with a disconnect from the other person, but you're actually connecting with them and possibly learning more about that thing as well as the person you're talking to.
Does being socially awkard and quiet come across as hostile? I have a lot of trouble starting and maintaining convos at work. I think my colleagues believe I'm unapproachable. I hate that i give off this energy when it's not intentional
as someone who has been through this, sometimes. if you dont believe you are charismatic and confident, you will always feel this way. i try to observe and learn from the mannerisms of the people around me. (it will take time for the confidence to come naturally, so keep persevering!!) try hyping yourself up before conversations/pretending you are a really charismatic person. start with asking a colleague a question (e.g., 'hows your day been?' during lunch) or starting a conversation about something that intrigued you recently ('do you think...?') you will have your low days, but dont give up!!!
It depends on a lot of details, including stuff in this video. Being quiet and using your phone as an escape can be disrespectful. But there are things that can work in your favor, such as if you can demonstrate being a good listener.
What are some challenges one should do and learn to drastically improve? A weak man is one mistake away from humiliation and disrespect. Minimize your weaknesses, Don't try to remember everything. Our brain is known to forget ideas. write things down, Keep track of your time-consuming habits and do more of what's working and less of what's wasting time, Whenever possible, respond to any challenge, whether you have the strength or not, with civility and gratitude, When it comes to emotional and mental well-being, never “settle”, The internet is a tool for learning and making your life better, not for arguing with strangers you'll never meet, You are most attractive when you don't show neediness, desperation, or a constant need for security. Be safe with yourself, Everything is 100 times easier when you have a clear vision of where to go, Learning a scalable skill that will increase your income over time is where the focus should be, Invest in a hobby outside of work that makes you happy, increases your mental clarity, and leads to a fulfilling life.
I could see using bully banter to write characters who are pretending to like each other but who actually have issues with one another. Personally though, I don't think I would use phone addiction to show disinterest in a scene as it is overdone. The use of a distraction is great though. Your character is sharing something personal at a waffle house and their companion is trying one drop of each different syrup in each crispy chamber of their waffle. The character finished with some clever point and the companion looks like they are mulling it over only to push one particular syrup away from them in disgust. Honestly, I love bad behavior cues and what not to do videos like this because they are so useful in making dynamic and believable encounters.
This all boils down to bad habits that insecure, un-self-aware people do. Work on yourself, be self-aware, learn the social cues of others, and treat people like you want to be treated, and you will never fall foul to these damning social antics... It's cliché, but true!
This video is very underrated in my opion compared to the other videos you post. I sometimes feel I will get more value from a video that has a title along the lines of "things that deter your progress/cause you to lose value" rather than videos titled "how to be better/7 ways to make people like you more". It takes courage and a different mindset to really accept that you might have habits that can be fixed.
The argument should be grammar and not if something is a word. Anything can be a word, any word gets added to the dictionary if a culture uses it enough. In a paper I can see an argument for grammar. Yet people don’t speak with proper grammar so what is the purpose of policing it in conversation? 😩
The number one thing that turns me off to people is when they ask for my help with something then either criticize my effort or expect me to complete their task without their assistance.
@@atrujillo9311 I didi'nt see it as " hard " at all I seen it as a way for that other dude to reflect and realize how bad his actions were. His ego was controlling his mind and actions and put up defenses that didn't work, am surprised at how mature and wise Andrew it though, he saw right through him.
I agree with a lot of the points made on here. That being said, I’d prefer people to take the piss out of me in person and sing my praises behind my back than people saying niceties to my face then saying the worst things about me when I’m not there
The best advice is to socialise with charismatic people, because you'll spin wheels pretty fast if it doesn't come naturally and you're the only one who's trying.
I know someone who constantly talks over everybody and I can only tolerate them in small doses. Diverting the conversation doesn't work with this person at all.
There's two guys at my work that take their break together. The sit right next to each other and stare at their phones the entire time. They don't talk or share videos. I can't help but wonder if they're in a long term relationship and have gotten to the point where they are happy just being together.
ya i have a coworker that loves to tell me all about her life and I give her my full attention but when i start to talk about my life she stares at her phone and doesnt even reply back! so rude!
I can't even remember her name...the singer chick who said, "I want to see what you just said written on paper"...I'M DYING HERE!!!! I've never liked her much, but that comment carved out at least a tiny amount of respect. LMAO!!!!
I mean, just don't tease anyone you don't know. Plain and simple, lol. The examples in the video where the teasing works is when both people already know each other.
Jokes have a grain of truth in them. Even if you don’t agree, you have to be aware that other people do. So when you talk to someone, you can’t just call them fat or ugly for laughs, because they’ll read into it.
I was a big fan of NDT since I am also a researcher and have been into science my whole life, but I made the mistake of watching too many videos of his interviews. Now I skip a video every time I see him.
At the same time, "bully banter" implies that no one is spared from the constant chirping and ruffling of feathers. It's when one person excessively finds themselves the target of such banter that it simply becomes outright bullying.
In regards to the last section; anything gained through un-authentic means will not be beneficial or enjoyable. A friendship or relationship gained through being anyone but yourself is likely broken from the start.
The Conan Garner thing worked out for both of them ok, but just because of Conan, he made every aspect of it seem playful. If he didn't go over the top about it then it wouldn't have worked. Maybe Garner was just aware that he could deal with it tho.
This is why therapy and the talking stick are important. Navigating social landmines is a tricky business, but it can be done with finesse if you know what you’re dealing with.
All these problems if they exist, roots only to one single problem, the "inability to"listen".. If the world starts listening for a while and in return with no solutions that would definitely be a great therapy.. I personally feel these days listening is probably the bestest communication ever.. I get to listen to too many friends around me abt their problems, relationships but ig only some of them even know which actor i like the most.. Jai shri krishn
When I meet people I always ask questions about them to start the convos. Most of the time it's fine. Once in a while I'll meet someone that when I start asking questions about them they don't take it well. It's like they think I'm the FBI or CIA lol. I ask questions to find common ground and go from there.
