This is probably true. But it does show that both men and women presume the other side looks at the world in the same way. They do it because the way they look at the world makes sense - for them!
As a pastor who has done a bit of counseling, I can confirm that your advice is pure gold. Women can tear the heart out of a man too easily. Men can seem tough on the outside, but a wife can destroy him surprisingly easily. Great video.
The reason for that is quite simple: men can suffer, but they need meaning to that suffering. If all of their hard work isn't appreciated, then they start to question why they are even continuing to go through the motions. They certainly aren't doing it for their own sake; so why slave away to provide for your wife when she doesn't value your efforts? It's nonsensical to suffer for no reason. I think this causes men to give up. But marriage, debt and family responsibilities trap them, so they have no means of escaping - at least not without the guilt of abandonment. So they are effectively zombies: physically working, but dead on the inside. It's very sad indeed
We men are stuck inside ourselves. Emotionally we are 11 year-old boys in the midst of a sea of all-knowing women who see how shallow we are. Without seeing the man part, there can only be disrespect for the boy that we are. Without a helper, without our compliment, we are stuck and that makes our spouse stuck too.
@@transformational-education , please speak for yourself. You might be an emotional 11-year-old, but I can assure you that most the real men that I know are not
@@transformational-education What the hell are you talking about? I would argue most men are far more emotionally mature than women, it’s just that they can’t express themselves because of societal standards and women losing attraction, which therefore gives the illusion that they are emotionally immature
My mom did all of those things. Their marriage lasted over 50 years until she passed. My dad stayed in the ICU hospital room almost the entire week she was in there and when she passed away I could see a light go out in his eyes.
As a man, I can tell you she's 100% right on every single point. Hit the nail on the head! Women used to pass this down, mother to daughter. And daughters learned by watching her mother interact with her father. They also learned what a man should be, by watching their father. And vice versa for mother's and their son. A son learns what a women should be like by watching his mother. This is why we need nuclear families.
@@christinarichie6171once we lost our tribal ways, and moved away from our families, and needed 2 working parents to survive economically, the 2000 year old historical model was destroyed. Kinda interesting that the nuclear bomb coincided with the nuclear family, eh?
1. Men are easy to please and quick to forgive 2. Men live to see the woman they love happy 3. Men don’t like to fight with women 4. A man’s identity is inextricably linked to his need to protect and provide 5. Men don’t come out and tell you when they are unhappy, so you need to be able to read the signs 6. Men respond to sweet talk and bottom lines
With today’s pseudo-men too often they do like fighting with their woman. The “man” (a 350# hulk) my daughter was with came home from work every day to accuse her of “being mad” at him repeatedly until he had provoked a fight. Then he was satisfied he had proved his accusations and “won” the fight. He was seriously emotionally challenged and narcissistic.
@@joeskeptical4762 they knew or didn't care. Women today and last generation compare submission to a man they wedded, having kids and being loyal as "slavery". They made their choice
A small note on affection. One of the things I most appreciate in my wife is the way she receives affection. Most often she lights up and smiles, and even when it occasionally is not a good timing for her she will acknowledge my efforts and just say her focus is on something else. It is not all about giving affection, but also about how you react when it is given to you. The worst thing you can do is make your man afraid to show spontaneous affection because he is afraid you will snap at him.
The absolute worst response - is interpreting or ascribing his affection as unwanted male sexuality. (Esp. if it is just silently asssumed without conversation.) (PS First hand experience; but .... a happy ending.)
When this popped up I originally watched to see what nonsense it would be. I soon realized that you were spot on exactly how I feel and you were able to explain it better than I was ever able to. I asked my wife to watch this video and ever since our relationship has improved 10 fold. So thank you for explaining how I feel to my wife better then I could. I am in your debt.
So true! I thought she was just going to rail on men for wanting sex or being abusive. Quite the opposite. A lot of woman have poor parental roll models and its just an adversarial manipulation game for them. Also, men on TV or movies, are depicted as jerks and one dimensional. My ex GF would have periodic tantrums like a four year old, she was in sixties! Never, really happy or joyful. I’m ready to give up. Impossible to please, and never interested in pleasing me. It’s also a validation game with them, where they withhold it, or actually are invalidating, cutting you down, being disrespectful, it makes them feel good.
this is all under the assumption that she even cares about her marriage. Most women will just move on to the next man instead of working on the one she has now.
@@brazidas58 five years, damn. That sucks. It's like being in limbo. You did the right thing trying to get counselling help, I tried the same. If they refuse, I'd say it's for self preservation of their ego, they can't accept responsibility. I'd say two years for me. Still waiting for the lawyers to split the equity so I can move on, everything of mine is in the house.
@@FlyingcupNsourcer This happened long time ago and my children are all adults'. My ex past away in do to cancer. I have had lots of time to reflect what happened and I have come to the conclusion that if people where more transparent and honest it would go a long way to make better relationships. The current family law system those not work for men at all. I have never re-married. Its way to dangerous for men. Thanks for you comments.
no this is not true, this means the woman you married wasn't even into you that much in first place. It doesn't matter how hard you work on that if she isn't into that person she will eventually leave despite your best efforts. The women who actually love their men stay in the good and bad times. A lot of people marry for the wrong reasons, that's the problem.
Dont forget the "Sex", it is men's emotional need not a physical release as most women view it. Because if it was we would masturbate and not need a woman. When most women would relate what sex to men is equal to their emotional needs then there would be a hope for peace between the sexes.
Agree with both - but some of what she said - sounds pretty feminine. I am married to a very attractive woman - who is very masculine - she wants to be in control over everything. And we have had a very long miserable marriage.
My husband said recently that I am much easier to be married to now. I think that’s an overall good goal for women: make it easy for your husband to be married to you.
All you really need to understand is Genesis. Females were created for ONE purpose ONLY and that is to be the help meet to your husband. Nothing more and nothing less. Those not married are to be the help meet to Christ - nothing more and nothing less. All you need to know is God created you to be the help meet to your husband.
@@everythingisupsidedown9593 I’ve arrived at the Same conclusion, and when you see it this way it is biblical, But it’s alarming to see how far women have strayed from their design, and how they will fight you to remain broken. The leaders of our nation have purposely led us to this place by designing laws to divide us and pull us down.
SPOT ON observations! Every woman (who actually cares about having a good relationship with her man) should take these words of wisdom to heart. I would add one thing (for both men and women). Don't forget to take care of yourself physically! Don't let your appearance go. It matters...to both sexes. All the BS in the media and our culture about how this shouldn't matter is just that...BS. It does. It's built into our DNA.
A woman is how she looks and a man is what he does, a woman won't look after her appearance if a man has a crap $ job, oh but a man always wants to be accepted the way he is! lol
I remember reading that in the book, "For Women Only," by Shaunti Feldhan. It was really interesting to see that point made. Men aren't "allowed" to say it out loud in our culture, so I'm glad the men they surveyed for the book were able to express that.
But I will have to tell you…..I am 58 years old, and I’ve gots of things that sag…..both genders get old, and we have to learn to love and appreciate each other even when things start to change due to age.
@Magic Man If she is holding out, then you must do the same, with affection, and sex. If she's holding out on you, it is likely she's being satisfied by another guy.
No it doesn't, most people that look this are men.... xD Modern women do not care in most cases... i see most of them have shit lives just making money and wasting it on traveling around, drinking, buying make up and cat food.
@@Ace.0.0.0. Agree overall , doesn't necessarily mean she is having " side action " .Women typically have much lower sex drives than men , a fact they leverage to benefit themselves.
This is true. That is why the documentary "The Red Pill" became so popular. The female director fell 'victim' to the quote of Ayn Rand. Ayn has said - You can choose to ignore reality. But you cannot ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. Cassie Jaye was/is an honest woman. She could no longer ignore the consequences of drinking the kool-aid. This movie could only be directed by an honest woman to get credibility. If an honest man did this, it would have been dismissed as an example of the patriarchy. Cassie has said many times, directing this movie has cost her some relationships with people that used to be close to her. If you have not seen this movie, you must see it. Check your library, RU-vid, every other platform that shows movies. Over the years I have seen it multiple times. It's easy when people must stay indoors, thanks to COVID-19.
I've been married 15 years to a wonderful husband. Thanks for the sound advice. It's very difficult to find women with your level of wisdom in this area to listen to. I'm cautious of whom I will hear out especially when it comes to the ladies out there. I don't have a mom or grandmother so I rely heavily on the Bible to teach me how to be a better woman, mom and wife. Thanks for being there.
The host has confirmed many times that she is not a Christian and certainly not Born Again. She has no time for Christ. She also left her first husband because he did do what she wanted him to do. Speaks with glee about leaving him. Always turn to God and Christ in all things - come to channels for entertainment but never turn to man and certainly not a female for guidance and wisdom. All you really need to understand is Genesis. You were created for ONE purpose ONLY and that is to be the help meet to your husband. Nothing more and nothing less. Those not married are to be the help meet to Christ - nothing more and nothing less. All you need to know is God created you to be the help meet to your husband.
Sandra Maria Don't let the world steer you off of the path you've taken. You're doing the right thing following the Bible and listening to Suzanne who is sage in her advice. There are tough times ahead in this country so a solid marriage built on the Rock of Ages is crucial. Keep it up.
@@everythingisupsidedown9593 I bet there are multiple purposes for a woman, not just "help for her husband". For one, Woman is a unique part of the original man, she's not some external helping body, she's a part of, and as the bible says: "Woman is the glory of Man..." For two - God made the woman because it wasn't good for the man to be alone.
When a fella is staring blankly off into space and you interrupt him asking “what are you thinking about?” and he says “nothing”, he BLOODY MEANS IT! We’re in our “nothing box” rebooting and need to be left the hell alone!
Sorry, that's BS Women use "non sexual intamacy" to NEVER have sex. "Let's just cuddle and watch a romantic movie." Guys: "Then can we have sex?" "Oh let's not spoil it." If I want to watch a movie and cuddle with someone who loves me with no anticipation of sex, I'll get a dog. And I'll get to choose the movie.
@@timbuktu8069 "Oh let's not spoil it." 😂 You go and get Your unspoiled action someplace else then, and be sure to communicate that. That's why You do not "fully commit" with a ring and a pending costly divorce (aka marriage): she shall be in the situation to know all time that You go get it elsewhere once she starts slowing things down.
Spot on ! On the topic of fighting, I think there is something important to be added. A man has a limited number of fights he will endure in his emotional lifespan before he disconnects. Some have more, some have less. But when the number is reached, the relationship is over, and all he’s left with, is his moral obligation to provide for the woman he made this promise to. It is an honour thing, and no further emotional involvement is to be expected.
My ex wife was the queen when it came to arguing and now that I reflect on it, that is what happened to me. I have a very low tolerance level for any arguments, especially when she knew she was wrong but still tried to win the point. I checked out within a few months and stayed in a living hell till I got out. Very good insight!
Mom wasn't waiting for me with hugs when I got home from school.... but my dog was there..... tail wagging... happy to see his little human.... To this day, I would rather have a dog than a wife.
You almost made me cry. Perhaps I did but I'm ashamed to admit. Every single word you let out was correct and made perfect sense. Even the commas and the fullstops. At least as far as I am concerned. It was as if you were in my mind and said for me what I wasn't able to say to my ex. Thank you Ma'am. Thank you so much.
From a husband of 47 years. In her first point she says that men want respect. Guys, if you want respect you have to earn it. Don't expect her to respect you if you don't deserve it.
And your comment Mr. Smith, assumes you walked straight into that story. So two things: It's only a matter of time before you once again depart with half of all you think you own; and it would be good for you to understand why you would walk straight into the story you describe her as...
@@PvblivsAelivs What the crap are you talking about? Who said anything about being "assigned"? I said men walk straight into these female nightmares, almost always KNOWING who and what they are...so who should men blame? Gee since is troubling your mind, we need to blame ourselves - and in entering their web, need to be prepared for divorce and losing half of your earnings. Is it so hard to comprehend?
@@12B4Christ Well, since if is fairly clear that Stephan Smith has no plans on voluntarily marry, the only way he could "depart with half of all [he] think [he owns]" is if he was assigned a wife who could then divorce him. I ask you your own question. Is it so hard to comprehend? He's not going to get married.
My estranged wife of 1 year (married for 14 years) would wake up in the morning and scan for problems of any size whatsoever in our life to then wake me up to moan about what ever 'problem' there was real or imagined. While I miss my child very much I adore the peace and not having a dead weight around my neck me pulling me down for no reason. Peace.
Ladies first. If you want to see positive changes, you have to act first. God addresses men first but gives instructions from least to greatest. God ask Adam where he is and if he ate the forbidden fruit. God gives punishment from snake, to woman, to man. Ladies first. God address the family from least to greatest. Children obey your parents, wives RESPECT your husband, husband love your wives. What is the order that things should be done, exactly how God laid it out, child first, then wife, then father.
My marriage hit the rocks years ago. I had made many mistakes, then I discovered the book " men are from mars, women are from venus " A great book, it was too late for me , but I bought a copy each for my two kids !
Regarding #6, if my wife actually wants my help with something, it's best when she just asks the question first. She used to try and give me a back story or ask me what my plans were for the day or hour, etc. She was exploring so she could try and plot out how she could fit her need to my schedule. It bugged the crap out of me. So now it's, "Can you take the children to soccer practice today at 4:00?" It's much easier to answer "Yes" to that question, and move on. It beats having to answer, "What time is your last client appointment today?" "What time do you think you'll be home?" "Do you have to stop anywhere on the way home from work?" "Do you have your tennis shoes with you?" Also, if she just wants me to listen, then she'll tell me. Then, I'll listen without my problem solving mindset engaged.
So, I've been married to a woman who is constantly angry and constantly angry with me for the last 23 years. She is almost impossible to please in any way. She rarely shows any affection, and usually only does so as an afterthought. I've stopped being married to her in reality and live in my own head. Why? Our oldest child is disabled, that's why I've stuck with it for 23 years. That's the tenor of my stoicism.
You can be happy and still be a father to your child. Maybe even a better father without the interference of the miserable woman you are with. Lance that boil. It'll be difficult for a year or two but your life WILL drastically improve. You don't sound like a man who can't deal with a little difficulty considering you've done 23 years of it already.
You are entitled to happiness too. Remember that. You can have that and still be a strong and possibly better father for your child. You are unhappy and miserable now and you have to make some changes or that will be your life. You don't need to even have to have another relationship to go to, just plan to have your own home and still support your child.
Would really be nice to get a compliment at least once a year or so. And not for being society's or a woman's productive tool, but for simply being the decent guy he is.
Right@@TheSanityMachine33. And the internet is full of women wondering why men don't want to get married. The question Susanne Venker has failed to ask is, "What can a man get with marriage that he can't get right now without it?" The answer is worse than nothing. There's too much drama, expense, and too little F'ing going on after a few years. In other words it's all burden for men. Suzanne's genuinely worried about this as she knows that strong, independent, and empowered women are not happy when they reach their 40's. But men? I've talked to too many confirmed bachelors who feel like they dodged a giant bullet. Empowerment indeed.
Yeah@@TheSanityMachine33, When men realize they don't get compliments it becomes glaringly obvious. I think it speaks to the incredible level of entitlement women live in today. The value a man brings is "expected", it's the default baseline so why compliment him? And then she hits her later 30's and wonders what the heck happened to all those men who used to fawn all over her for years. Funny thing though, Suzanne knows this and is trying to warn women. Except most aren't listening.
Thank you for this video/article. My problem before my divorce after 20 years of marriage was the many ways her emotional problems manifested. In particular, she sabotaged our mutual success. The hardest for me was her sabotage of our financial well being because my father wasn't a great provider and I witnessed how hard it was on my mom. I was determined to do well in this area. It became obvious over the years that regardless of how much I made she would spend all of it and more. There were various other ways she sabotaged our success. I am in my second marriage now for about 6 years. What a difference! I can't tell you how great it is to have a woman who naturally implements the principles of this video, especially how refreshing it is to be with a woman who is a financial team mate. This is just one area, but I didn't know it could be so effortless to be in a happy and fulfilling relationship with a woman. I feel like a very lucky man and I work hard to please my wife emotionally and in every other way that I can.
SO uplifting to know that there is actually a woman who understands how men feel, especially about respect. I’ve spent the last 20 years with a woman who either doesn’t know or doesn’t care who I am or how I feel, AND has absolutely NO respect for me! I live in an inescapable hell because I am disabled and unable to work for the past 16 years. She has made me pay the price dearly. Thank you, because I tell myself all the time that there has to be some decent women still out there.
Time to divorce her. If she is the bread winner in the family, she should be paying you alimony in the divorce. This is no way for a man to live. Believe me, you can find much better out there. Line up agencies and other resources to help you.
God Bless You, it must be hard enough not being able to provide let alone getting knocked down by her. Is there anything yer capable in yer abilities to become a financial contributor, Perhaps you do already ? Pray & seek the Lords directions. Rootin fer ya. 🙏
@@dcarr-kr7hk Yes, but I now understand so much more a year after that post. NPD & BPD have been confirmed. Once I realized that, the picture was clear, I knew why everything was happening and I knew I had no choice. The Borderlines end game is to destroy the relationship, & the Narcissist’s end game is to destroy you. Now I have escape plans. However I’ll still be stuck for a couple more years. God bless men with grit because a women sure can cause a man to needed it and have to use it.
Thanks Suzanne. If only this was mainstream attitude. There are a couple of things I might add. 1. We love the softness in women. We know strength is something women look for in men but we are not bullet proof . There may be a time when that softness is critical. 2. When you tell a man to get in touch with his emotions it usually means you don't understand his emotions and want them to align with yours. That may not be helpful.
@@jellyrcw12 Sure. There's nothing wrong with examining your emotional responses to assess if they are appropriate or counter productive. I have found that when people say get in touch with your emotions they usually are presuming that you are suppressing some sort of natural response and replacing it with a more harmful one. A classic is "Men should cry more" . The presumption is that men cry less than women because they suppress the urge to cry in order to give a tough masculine appearance. This is completely false. Generally we are simply wired that way and crying more would be the opposite of getting in touch with your emotions. It would be pretending to respond in way that is not in line with our emotions and quite frankly wouldn't work for us the way it works for women.
@@johnrew5713 Thank you for sharing so quickly. My boyfriend and I are on a little break right now. He literally said that he looks introspection and self understanding. Not sure what to make of that.
This advice is golden! I am 67 and have been married to the love of my life for 41 years now. I never leave the house without giving her a kiss goodbye, and the first thing I do upon returning home is a kiss hello. My wife had a stroke 2 1/2 years ago that changed her life completely. "Romantic affection" is no longer possible as a result, but it is so important to get hugs. Marriage is based on mutual respect, trust, love, and the desire to make the marriage work. The work load varies during a marriage. I'm now her caregiver, and proud to be able to be that for her. It's a major tenet of my faith that men and women are meant to be equal partners as "they are the two wings of a bird". Equal does not mean same! Equality means in terms of rights and privilege's; equal voices in family matters, budgets, major decisions, etc.
one thing id like to add. probably to the "repsect" section: Women, actually try to care (or care about) that we have hobbies instead of being dismissive. I learned from my mom that whatever my dad, or i liked was deemed "stupid" or unimportant. and i have seen this over and over. too many times i mention a hobby, and the woman's eyes glaze over and her hand goes to her phone.
After my divorce, I was lost. I had been living a life without identity. Everything I did was for the benefit of the family. Hobbies helped me to regain my Center and Start Living a Life of No Regrets - RedPill MGTOW
This was my soon to be ex-wife. She gave me crap for the things I enjoyed outside the home. Always saying I cared about them more than her or our kids. I gave everything up. And once I did that and she lost all respect for me.
my life experience with women is that they will belittle every boy and every man when he is doing some hobby of his, and they will go into rage when the man buys an expensive toy. I have come to the conclusion that women hate it when a man is happy.
@@JasonMcLemore damn if you do, damn if you don't. You were in a lose lose game: listen to her drama shit or try to please her and she loses her respect for you because you listened to her. I don't want any drama shit anymore, women can howl at the moon as far as I care.
It’s crazy that women do this to their men, not even pretend to care about their hobbies that is. Ya maybe the women isn’t super interested in cars, say, but it’s not about the cars really. It’s about your man and if it matters to him, and he matters to you, shouldn’t you at least try to care even a bit. It’s bizarre to me that people in apparently loving relationships can be so dismissive of the things that brings their partner joy. Do you really love the other person then if that’s how you treat the things they care about, which is an extension of them. I am sad for men who are treated this way.
She hit the nail on the head with all of these. Young women need to be taught these things before marriage, because they themselves will happier, not just their husband.
I am a 60 man very happily married to my second wife. My first wife repeatedly ripped my heart out by doing all the wrong things. The angel that I’m married to now consistently does all the right things. I can confirm that this video is 100% accurate! You are a breath of fresh air to be speaking this truth. You have the potential of helping many women make their marriages so much happier. Thank you for expressing this very important information.
I rarely comment on these type of videos but I'm completely blown away. As a married man it was like she was reading my mind, someone finally understands
"Hey son - quick, close the barn door!" "Too late, dad - the horse has already bolted!" Don't even bother, fellas. Why risk everything on odds that are far worse than a coin-toss? Stay single if you can, and be peaceful, happy and free.
Affection of either type, freely & enthusiastically exchanged, is not optional. Or, let me say it in a way females will understand… Affection is as optional to men as you feel your man paying your bills is optional to you. Imagine hearing this from your man, “Sorry babe, I have a headache. I just don’t feel like paying the mortgage this month.” How would that go? You can’t even imagine that being acceptable to you, can you? Affection is not an item with which to barter.
Almost a decade ago I made a conscious decision to stop dating altogether...No, I wasn't hurt, damaged or emasculted, but i have found women to be a) boring, b) demanding, c) moody d) self absorbed. i also tired of women expecting everything for free..having access to my money, my resources and my time but giving much less in return, simply thinking that they are the prize. It has been the best thing (for me) and the most productive, stress free, liberating and rewarding period of my life. I've never married, and never will marry and am quite happy to live the rest of my life without being in a long term relationship.
Boring, demanding, moody, self absorbed........They are like little children that need to be entertained, wined and dined, given nice presents, and not do a damn thing in return.
This does sound wholesome and right, but!😊 Relationships are complicated by dysfunctional upbringings and there aren't many people unaffected by dysfunction. One ingredient in any relationship is forgiveness, an absolutely needed ingredient. ❤
Agreed. What she's describing here doesn't account for dysfunctional/narcissistic upbringings, and the problems that come with that. And I'm noticing there's a LOT of people affected by their families narcissism. Also her points don't account for regular problems or even bad days...like I'm just supposed to be happy all the time, and never have a bad day because my husband won't like it..WTH is that. We've spent too much time coddling men, and it's time they take an interest in how to at least try to understand their women. I don't see men doing that. What I see is the same old crap. Either be cute, happy, submissive, or they don't want you. They're still caught up in their fantasy of having a woman that'll do anything for them, with little to no reciprocation when it comes to what their women want and need from them. Men want fans and servants. They don't like it when real life shows up. And they usually cheat. No thanks.
All of these are excellent, but after 27 years of marriage #2 is most important to me. My wife does lots of things for me and I’m glad she does. But I’d trade them all in for the joy of seeing her happy as watching her in turn makes me happy. It very depressing when you slowly go down the road of felling like you can’t make your wife happy. It is so discouraging that eventually you just give up.
@Fizzyx13 I think you've got it a little mixed up. A man cannot make a woman who does not have her head on straight happy. In fact, NO ONE can make that woman happy because she makes herself miserable. But a man can easily make a woman happy if she isn't sabotaging herself.
Why on earth do you think its your job to "make her happy". Be a good dude and that's enough. I've been married the same amount of time as you and it ain't my place to "make" anyone happy. You've seen too many chick flicks, dude.
My wife just shared this with me and I’m glad she did. Thank you Suzanne for creating this video. I agree 100% of everything you said here. Us guys really don’t ask for much. Being appreciated and respected goes a long way. It’s important that we all remember the qualities that we saw in the person in the beginning of our relationship and to remember the person who we were being. Unfortunately, so many of us the longer we are in relationships the more we break away from those initial watts of being. Finding ways to Falling in love again may be extremely helpful. 🥰
Lack of respect happens primarily because women's sense of morality and men's sometimes clash and on top of that the empathy gap, men can quickly descend into a pitiful place in a woman's mind and heart. For me, every time a man acts weak, lies, behaves lacking spine, my respect erodes rather fast. Given most men are not all that strong in character, its hard to respect them most of the time.
I agree. There are men who’ve had sexual relations with animals because they can’t control their urges. Child trafficking is a big business because a lot of men are predators. It’s hard to respect a predator.
100% I was with a girl for a bit and I even told her if she keeps asking for my opinion/input but ignoring it or seeking to invalidate it until someone else says the same thing, I'll eventually stop caring. And she didn't take it seriously so perhaps the ironic part was she claimed one of the things she 'loved' about me was how thoughtful and insight I am. And was shocked when I stopped listening, caring, and being present with her.
Wow, I've been around the block, married, divorced, several lady friends over 20 years, still single and hate it, and this advice is BANG ON. All women need to hear this. The feminist movement has destroyed the culture of really good women these days and we men hate it. I think the best example of the sweetest woman ever depicted was Jeannie in the I Dream of Jeanne TV series. Outside of gorgeous, she had that exact personality described and is the dream of men. All we want is to be welcomed, loved, happy and healthy. CAUTION. DO NOT CRITICISE CONDEMN COMPLAIN. It will tear us apart..
None of these are specific to men and are not even limited to intimate relationships. 1. Respect. True of any relationship. 2. Companionship. True of friendship or higher. 3. Affection. True of many relationships. 4. Appreciation. True of most relationships. 5. Support. True of many relationships.
What if you have a husband who is naturally vindictive and takes days to forgive? Edit: Suzanne, you are a Godsend in my life! I was in the doghouse with my husband for criticizing his parenting in front of our kids. I implemented these 6 things for a couple of days, and WOW! I found he voluntarily started conversations with me about his thoughts and feelings. It felt like he LIKED being around me instead of having a dark cloud over his head all the time. And most amazingly of all, when he had a short temper with the kids again days later, I actually did counter him rather than keeping my mouth shut (but did so more gently), and he actually RECEIVED the criticism and changed his approach! Whaaaat? One of your other videos talked about not micromanaging when he tries to help. I'm going to tackle that one next because I HAVE done that, and he has been vocal about that being the reason he doesn't help me.
It is well known for the abuser to blame the victim. The lady in question criticised her husbands parenting skills in front of the children and completely undermined him (as described in the video). In her comment she then says that her husband is the vindictive one because of his reaction to her attack on him in front of their own children. Somehow these comments have got it mixed up as to who was/is at fault.
Hit the nail on the head Suzanne. A lot of women I've dated failed at 1.2 and 3. Very solipsistic, no self awareness or overly manipulative. The manipulation in itself was ok as I'd play along if it was not toxic, it's a guy thing , we are nice like that but some would think it degrading as being treated like you are stupid. What's common though was all where shocked when I dumped them. Some of them even accused me of not knowing how to be in a relationship 😂 Thankfully there are some women left who would be self aware, don't act like children and know just like me there's two sides to a relationship. I've got one of them and she means the world to me. She had to earn that though just like I had to earn it with her. I would say to all men , if a girl you're considering a long term relationship with doesn't carry herself with those 6 minimal suggestions from the outset don't waste your time. You are better off alone bettering yourself.
@@stevec3526 unfortunately wisdom comes with mistakes and time. Most young men try to see past their partners faults when they shouldn't. Sure as shit she's not going to see past his. Like you said strong boundaries are a must. Walk away if they are being crossed staying will lead to misery and ultimately her walking away. It's a zero sum game. A lot of young men simply lack the language to call out bs in women. Start with " when you do ( this) it makes me feel ( this ) If she is not willing to negotiate. Kick her to the curb. She's not worth the effort.
@@1brenmaster I totally agree with you. Getting burned forces young men into quickly learning if they have any sense, I had to kick a number of exgfs to the curb for various reasons. Been married now for 30 years.
@@direwolf6234 I'm divorced with 4 kids. I can tell you first hand it was the best thing I ever did. Living my best life with a great partner and full access to my kids. Yes it's easy to say. Saying anything else means you are either paralysed by fear or simply lazy. You don't get two shots at this life, time is your most valuable commodity so use it wisely
Wow Suzanne, you nailed it. A woman where Iwork asked me what men want. I told her men are simple. Almost the same things you said. One other thing was not to read stuff in if he seems off. Women tend to think there is something wrong or you are up to no good if you are not 100% all the time. Sometimes we get tired. Sometimes "women's intuition" is wrong. Keep a man happy and he will make it his life's mission to keep you happy.
It's those small physical signs of affection that release the bonding hormone oxytocin that whether you are a man or woman, boy or girl every healthy person arguably should get "hooked on". Because it keeps people coming back for more to the point of origin/home.
When we were dating, my wife exemplified all these 6 things. After marriage, she grew cold. She doesn't have a negative thing to say about me & brags to other women about how good of a husband I am..... but she never shows me any affection. All her affection goes to her sister & our cat. Shit is sad.
Woman here.Have you tried talking to her and tell her how you feel? When you say 'affection' what do you mean ? Book a night out at a restaurant,get dressed up and show her some affection and attention,be romantic and listen to her.Tell her how you feel and she will give you her perspective.Women usually withdraw affection for a valid reason but it takes communication on both sides. Hope that was helpful.
@@clairejohnson6522 We go on weekly dates, and also do trips every quarter, and lots of outdoor activity together. I've tried talking to her more than once, and she got defensive, and denied that she does that. I don't like arguing so I just leave it like that.
Great video. Another point I would add is that many women seem to lose respect (and thus attraction) to a man simply for opening up about his feelings. This really needs to change, because it causes so many men to feel depressed and isolated
We've ben married 55 years (got married at 19). This lady is exactly correct. Men are simple creatures. Respect is number one and then allow us to take care of and protect the wife/girlfriend. Never put down the man in front of others. That is THE relationship killer.
It's some level shocking that boys and girls growing up without learning so many fundamental thing from parents. You are making an excellent effort to be honest! It's silly that some people have to learn how affection should be in a married life but it is what it is!
Accurate, streamlined, and to the point. Perfect! Thanks for doing this! Also, ladies, this is spot-on. Please don't overcomplicate it. She said exactly what needs to be said in the way it needed to be said so please don't overcomplicate it!
Respecting your man? How about NOT seeking the attention of other men and being blatant about it, like my soon to be ex. Social media destroyed my marriage, the more time she spent on social media the less respect she had for the simple things I did for her on a daily basis. I felt like I didn't matter, and no matter what I did to make her happy, it was NEVER enough. I waisted 22 years of my life trying to make happy someone who was NEVER satisfied with what I did to make her happy. Really love your channel, because you seem to get it. All your points are correct.
Some days when I parked the truck I've sat there an hour extra just to breathe. I know what's coming when I get home, the dog wags its tail, the being bark's like a mad dog. Now I'm 50, I have not been involved with a woman the last 10 years. I'm tired now, I bought a sailboat and I'm going on a fishing trip for the rest of my life. I like fishing, it's medicine for the soul, and it's going to feed me. I will wait for Jesus or death to come and get me, I'm tired, I have nothing left to give, I'm going to rest now. We got you as punishment for our sins, I'm done now, no more... I had 3 children, they all got murdered, so now I'm alone, I'm used to it, there is no help for men, no one comes running to your aid, you are by yourself. They are never truly yours, it's just your turn, never forget that. Blessings from Sweden.
You are going through a lot. Please seek help if you can. There are people who can help you if you let them. You don't have to try to figure all this out by yourself. I've been on the edge myself. Almost went over but family and friends brought me back. You can do it. Don't give up on a happy life.
You're 100% correct....MALE stands for Men Are Legitimately Expendable. I've taught my son that. I know how you feel to some degree but my God three sons murdered. That's more than any man can take...but here you are, forward thinking and forward seeking. You're strong in your faith. Don't give up! There's peace of heart and mind out there in the beauty of what God created. You're part of that. You have to be good to yourself now. Along the way, you will find brothers-in-kind who will help you heal and that load on your heart and pull on your soul will be lessened. I'm sure of that. God Speed and safe passage.
I would love to be married and work hard to be the best husband and father, sadly that is not viable in 2021. Too many women are ruined by feminist/Marxist ideas.
Same here man. That's legit been my dream since I was a kid, I always wanted to get married and have children. Feels a long way off still, considering I've never even dated, lol. The few women I've even considered potential long-term relationships with are either taken, or "too busy" with their career/education for a relationship. Whatever, I'm not the one on a clock here, I guess...
@@evanhuizenga8626 I have worked for that goal for over 20 years. I've sacrificed everything I cared about, by getting a good career, working long hours, buying a nice house, getting really fit, avoiding casual dating, etc. Where are the women meeting me half way? The women I've met are poor, lazy and entitled. In hindsight I wish I'd just carried on playing drums and having a great time.
@@Drenov I guess the best thing to remember is that your work wasn't all wasted, even if you don't find somebody. it is still a great feeling to have a high paying career, a fit body, and a good moral system. you don't need a girlfriend or wife to enjoy those things. that said, I understand your pain because I don't think I would be satisfied with just those things either...
@@evanhuizenga8626 Well that was all before the lockdowns started! Given what I know now, I'd have stayed having fun and playing my music. I don't think I have a realistic chance of a family so I'm selling up and buying a catamaran on the youtube channel 'Liberator Project'.
Also, women in the west have forgotten how to sweet talk a man, I recently spoke to a Thai woman and she drew me in. Not sexually but rather with her soft-spoken voice and her feminine energy, that kind of woman makes a man fall in love. Not a loud harpy!
Wow. As an older guy in his third marriage, I am actualy shocked at how spot on this presentation is. This is the first time I've commented on a RU-vid video, after watching many hundreds at least. Thank you for this brilliant and astute description of how we "serious about life and love" men are. I am really impressed at how well you really understand us. Now I need an idea on how to get my wife to watch and absorb this. Ideas?
Start by watching one on understanding women, then approach her and say i learned some things here. Ask her to watch that and comment. It will hopefully open an honest dialog about differences between men and women, their different needs. THEN have her watch this video.
In all my years of counseling, self development, of studying the differenced between men and women, I have never heard a more accurate (and to the point) description of a man. Well done, and thank you, I have sent this to my wife (who does all of these things most of the time) and she have this link to alot of ladies with fantastic results.
Brilliant Suzanne. If only this message was passed onto contemporary women a lot of "modern" women wouldn't be hitting the wall. I am a simple, not unintelligent, man with simple needs. Too many women over complicate things, over think things. I want my wife to be happy, safe and have as good a life as we can.
Every time I've been in a relationship and the fml began interrupting and over talking, I began to check out of the relationship and plan again to live single. I would tell them once and they would typically gaslight or say "that's just how I am", as if it was a negotiation. When men articulate boundaries, given we let so much slide, it's non negotiable. If it's important enough to bring up, it's important enough to that man to acquiesce.
I nearly didn't click on this I was skeptical. one minute into watching I am riveted. This lady knows and understands men, I have never heard an assessment of men's nature as accurate ever. I nearly wept (nearly) Suzanne Venker has restored my faith in women and experts.
@@ladybug3380 What the hell does that have to do with the nature of men? Women do these same things as well yet the number of both is actually very small when you compare those numbers in either sex. You are asking about an abnormality in a conversation about a generality and even the answer you are looking for is obvious so why ask? I'll say it for you anyway. There are some sick people in this world, there have always been some sick people in this world and there always will be. We had a way to keep these sick fucks out of society but someone decided to shutter almost all of the nut houses instead of getting rid of the handful of evil experimenters from the handful of sanitariums it was actually happening in and setting in place systems that would prevent that from happening again. Now instead of being a life long member of the padded room club they are out there molesting children. It used to be seen as something that once done would continue to be done so they had to be removed from society, now they get out of prison in a couple years and do it again. It is rare that men and women like this do not re-offend after being released. Just like murderers they should never be put back out into society because they ARE an imminent threat to the health and well being of our society. They do not deserve another chance and they do not deserve any form of pity.
1. Men are easy to please & quick to forgive 2. Men live to see that the woman they love is happy. 3. Men don’t like to fight with women. 4. Men’s identity is inextricably connected to their need to provide for & protect their women. 5. Men don’t come out & tell you when they’re unhappy, so women have to read the signs. 6. Men respond to sweet talk & bottom lines.
Suzanne, you nailed it! I was so fortunate to have a wife that exemplified those qualities every day. Really miss her. Men don't like trouble and will avoid it if at all possible. They get enough trouble at work but grind it out because it is their role to bring home the bacon. They do not like to come home every day to find a load more trouble. They need this time to recharge for the next day at work. The number one thing men want is for the wife to assume responsibility for the home and the kids and not sit back and wait for the man to come home and try to fix everything. He will be there to support her and not undermine her authority but a lot of little things, when not handled at the time will blossom into much bigger problems when the wife doesn't contribute to the solutions.
Or to work. Just saying. Not every woman wants to be a homemaker and not every man wants that in a partner. Communication and honesty is key to make sure both are happy.
My first wife (deceased) use to go on ranting and scream about the same minor thing 4 -7 times before she rand down. After a while I got smart. When she would start on the third round about the same thing, I would hold up my stop hand and ask, "Wait a minute, you are repeating yourself, is there anything new you are going to tell me." She would say "No" and continue on with her diatribe. I would interrupt her by saying calmly, "You've already covered that, I heard you the two time, do you have anything new to add?" and I would keep coming back to this over and over again, until she realized I was not her verbal punching bag, nor was it necessary to scream at me. Then we could talk about it.
My wife and I have been married for 50 years so being seniors we sometimes forget what we said to each other a few hours ago. We have no hesitation in pointing out that fact to each other. Stops all that rambling by both of us.
I guess this pivots on whether your man is a normal human being. I’ve seen men who self-sabotage and turn around and blame their loved ones, men who get sick satisfaction out of creating emotional turmoil, men who are so off in their own world they have no idea what anyone around them is trying to do to connect with them… Lots of men need counseling or something to get to the point where they can react to their partner like a normal man. And, btw, my husband of 43 years is not one of the nut jobs I’ve listed here!
mtr bought me here . but GOOD JOB maam. God only knows why this is why most of the girls i've dated have LITERALLY done the opposite of every single thing on this list . I wish i could like it twice.
