@@bacugan11 Yellow, Red, and Black flags (card) are sports analogies on how serious the infraction is to a relationship. Yellow - damages relationship... it can work, but both have to work harder for it. too many can still cost the game/relationship Red - Serious infraction. While a few can be explained, the ones Courtney mentions cannot be so easily dismissed. While you can still "win" the game, ie marriage, odds are it'll end in Divorce or untimely death. 2 get you ejected. Black - Walk. Now. Do not look back. Game forfited. You will end up dead, or lose your sanity/dignity. Nothing good will come from this relationshit outside of a few minutes/hours of fun... then run, run as fast as you can. Compulsive Liar, Klepto, murderer, are all Black Flags for me. (Not all inclusive) Despite what Courtney says, Crazy is a black flag for me, and those that blatantly brag about it, I don't even need to date to find out. If you're just looking for a good time, fine, but then run, run your ass off.
@@daryllights huh? By the way you phrased it i think the person thought that you meant a woman who puts you on a pedestal and idolizes you but has low self esteem
1. Princess/Petulant behaviour 2. Negative about relationships (talks bad about ppl that surrounds her) 3. Mind reader talk (expects you to do something without asking for it) 4. She calls herself "crazy" (when she is proud of doing certain obsessive or possessive behaviours) 5. Talking over you or interrupting you 6. "All men are trash" "I hate men" kind fo statements I do recommend you guys watch the video for more understanding of each point!
My last ex was sweet and nice for a few months. Then she did 1-5 routinely for the next 8 months and then i dumped her and she said “we should go to counseling”😮
My father lived to almost 96 y/o and never once did I ever hear him say he was wrong or apologize. I didn't realize it at the time, but he was an absolute narcissist. Failure to self evaluate and admit wrong is something I always look for and if it is a pattern, I avoid it like the plague.
If whoever you’re with can’t enjoy spending time with you and your friends or always gets upset when you spend some “me” time on something you enjoy. Dump her. Those are the worst
I went on a date a few weeks ago. This woman made horrible assumptions about me and then followed it up with 'I have a really great sixth sense of these things'. I told her she was gaslighting herself so she could believe anything she wanted to. I eventually had to block her. This was after one date. Talk about dodging a bullet.
I hear ya - Justen! This is a good example why you have to be very careful who you get involved with these days - because they could possibly ruin your life, and perhaps the career that you’ve worked so hard for. You have to pay really close attention early on in the relationship, to see if you can spot any red flags before it’s too late. Anyway, that’s my two cents. -Carlos Verde - Dating Tips
This is why I've always said, regarding fathers with young daughters; DO NOT TREAT THEM LIKE A LITTLE "PRINCESS"! That s**t will NEVER get out of their head and you'll just be setting them up for a very long dysfunctional, unfulfilling, unhappy, lonely, angry, cat-filled, adult life.
I've met the same kinds of princesses who didn't even have dads growing up... so that's hardly the only cause of the issue. She spoke about how making generalizations is bad and this is one of them.
I feel you. My last relationship was 5 years ago. It lasted 4 years and it was draining. I am out of the relationship business and just do casual hookup for fun. Works better for me.
The "all men are trash" saying is an instant turn off for me. This is coming from a guy who's comfortable joking about 99% of topics without taking much personal. My last relationship involved that quote once a week and our convos would ALWAYS end in awkward silence.
If you want to challenge that narrative, you can just ask if that makes a woman a dumpster since trash goes in and out all the time hahaha we need more ladies in this side of the world
Why wouldn't you just say farewell to her after the first time and never see her again? Do you not consider yourself a man? Or if you really think she was joking, wouldn't you make it clear to her, how much you do not appreciate such a "joke". If she continues, back to point 1.
That is for sure a problem, but all the ones in the video were about holding inappropriate and sexist views toward you/men in general, or being narcissist. Shopping too much doesnt seem like it really belongs in the same category to me personally.
Very true. And it's shocking how common this is too. If I ask questions (because I'm intrigued to get to know someone) it should be normal for them to reciprocate and be interested in knowing me back surely??
My half sister is "proud" of being a "b!tch". She "owns it". She's nearly 60, over 350lbs, smokes 3 packs of 100s a day, has no husband, no kids. She does have 5 cats however. She's destroyed every relationship she has to her actual family. She surrounds herself with human trash and people who exploit her. The one constant she's done throughout her entire life is create nothing but issues for those around her. My favorite quote from her is, "I can't be taught, because I refuse to learn." She's the embodiment of red flag.
When first date is a job interview, constant questions about finances. When she hides her mobile, and her whereabouts, along with not responding or ignoring you most times. When she acts differently towards you when she is in crowds. When her parents are constantly fighting or insulting eachother or others. When she is almost always pinned to the phone. When she orders you around and tries to control your life. When she refuses to split bills or does any kind of work at the house. God im old, everything is a red flag now, and life is depressing.
Everyone, Courtney is right. STAY AWAY from crazy girls. Speaking from experience, you'll be sacrificing so much of your dignity and happiness for someone who wants the sympathy of being the victim but doesn't want to fix anything so they can continue playing the victim and getting sympathy. No one is worth that kind of psychological abuse.
Actually, exercise intelligence and discretion and avoid most women who, these days, seem notably lax in character when it concerns men and relationships. I'm 84 so rest assured I know whereof I speak. I have absolutely no idea how you know "the one." But I do know that only a few couples are heaven sent. Be careful where you put your cock.
I had three relationships like this. Needless to say that 1. I am a fucking idiot and 2. these relationships messed me up big time. You completely lose yourself, doubt yourself constantly ("is she actually right, am I doing something wrong?" etc.), you're being emotionally drained to the point of severe depression - just to be made to feel bad about being depressed cause you "don't care enough" for your SO. 0/10 don't recommend.
@@simons.2281 I feel you man. I had 3 toxic relationship. And i always do the same mistake. I had doubts at the beginning, leave, they come back and then i make compromise, sacrifice and jump back blindy into this relationship. I recognize my mistake only when its past the end. I feel dumb and weak, need to be more firm with my boundaries.
If she's constantly posting on social media that she doesn't care what people think about her. Not only does this indicate that she's frequently being told by others that her behavior is bad, it also indicates that she doesn't understand irony. If you're communicating anything about yourself via social media, then yes, you care about what others think about you.
women of all ages spend more time on instagram talking talking on and on and sharing endless lingerie and bikini cleavage pics of themselves. The posts go on and on all day everyday. These women live in their own selfish fantasy world, perpetuated by the simps that follow and like their selfish narcissistic posts.
Now I know better why my marriage broke and couldn't have lasted. You are almost 100% describing my ex-wive. The only differences: She considered herself normal and me crazy, and she wouldn't talk over me, but she would reject my arguments in any discussion, get angry and shut down. Which goes in line with "I won't tell you what I want, you should know". Both of us had their issues. I saw mine, promised to work on them and often failed with this. But she didn't see hers. Too bad I can't leave her behind, we have kids...
Still, there will come a day and you should slowly prepare for it. Daydream about it. Plan it carefully and find joy in it. Squirrel away money and valuables. Figure out what you are willing to leave behind and take with you. Most important, buy spy cameras and buy a watch that audio records conversations. These things saved my butt. You need to start stacking the divorce evidence in your favor now. Also, take notes of what happens in a journal. One other thing, through false claims by your soon to be ex, the court will likely send you to anger management counseling. Go to anger management counseling long before the divorce so she can't play that card on you. Talk to divorced men and find out what happened to them so you can be ready. Do all this because she is getting ready to do the same to you. And watch out for the traps and set-ups she is laying down for you to fail. They all do it. Trust me.
I dated a girl who treated me and our relationship like a joke even after I gave her a second chance and I couldn't take it anymore so I walked out on her and even though it hurt I knew it was the right thing to do. 3 months later I find out she was lying to me the whole time and found out she was on onlyfans. Best decision I ever made that day I walked away.
Honestly it's refreshing to hear a woman speak for true femininity and try to bridge the gap that currently exists. It's usually just men talking about it but we need both sexes involved to find a solution this current day problem. Thank you for all that you're doing
@IAlwayswin I feel you mate. I wouldn't blame women for it though because they're internally different from men. I just believe that we should respect both sexes equally and find a middle ground. If we don't, we're headed towards (technically already are in) a major crisis
@@DrBoX89 Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate it. My research work forces me to see things from both sides always so I have it to thank for the trait :)
Please don't fall for it. MEN are making plenty of great content on this topic. This is just a woman trying to monetize MGTOW/MRM. There's no reason to seek out a female for this type of content.
I definitely needed this. Something I found to be a red flag is when she says she is "too nice." None of the nice women i've met call themselves too nice, but every woman i've met who has, used "being nice" as an excuse to be flirtatious and act inappropriately with men while she was in a relationship.
I had an ex say, "It shouldn't be too much to expect to be treated like a queen!" Worse still, inside I thought, "OMG is she right? Am I doing it wrong?" 30 years and we're still happily married - just kidding, I think we broke up that week. 😁
Red Flags Her: "I like being spoiled." "I'm used to a certain lifestyle." "I will not delete my bikini instagram pics." "I need more followers on my IG." "I like being pampered." "God will send me a good man." "I deserve this!" " #bossbitch "
@@CourtneyRyan I really appreciate your content Courtney I've been watching your videos for over a year now since my junior year now I graduated from college last month
To be honest my mom has always talked badly about men in her life and would always say, "all men are trash." I've heard this quote since I was a young kid. Needless to say i have the same mentality she does when it comes to it but I'm learning to be more self conscious and having a negative outlook is resulting in my misery. I took a long time to realize this about myself. Your channel is mind opening and I appreciate it so much.
Keep up the good work, self development and growth should be a life long process, and fulfilling journey. My personal journey was deprogramming my dads fundamentalist christian indoctrination. Now I'm a Universalist and feel like I can do almost anything I put my mind to. Good luck.
The women in my family have always talked trash about men. It makes us feel like a piece of shit just for being born. You also feel like everything wrong is your fault because it's always the man's fault. Even when you do your best to do something right but didn't work out. She'll think it's your fault and you probably did it on purpose.
I just got out of a 3+ year relationship with a woman who portrayed all of these except #5. She always wanted her way. If I ever questioned what SHE wanted to do at any time, she’d erupt into full out crying screaming, telling me I’m a piece of sh*t a**hole, and much worse. I let that happen though, I had seen past her red flags for years. I wanted to fix her/grow with her long term but she only got worse. Every fight was my fault. even when she did something to upset me, I’d call her out for it, and then SHE’D get mad at ME because she didn’t know how to take accountability for her actions. Literally EVER. I’d have to pry an apology out of her (if one ever came out). It got to a point where I never told her how I felt in our relationship, every fight I kept quiet and apologized to her because I didn’t want to deal with more fighting/bullsh*t. It got to a point where I felt I was walking on eggshells just to talk to her. But again, I WAS part of the problem. I had a hard time providing for her, which is what she clearly wanted/needed in a man. My response was to work my ass off and make more money, to get us out of this situation. In return, I showed her close to no attention for months, If not years. I showed the attention I could, but again, I worked 15 hour days, 2 jobs, with a 3rd side hustle on the weekends/in between jobs just to crack maybe 2k a month. I struggled with finding decent paying job for a long time, and the two I had still payed minimal. We got worse because of these problems on both ends of the relationship. I relate to this video because these red flags came out within the first 6 months of dating, and I completely disregarded them, and she portrayed ALL of those listed above (almost). She was extremely immature, and never took accountability for any of her actions. To anyone reading this, let me save u years of time, and If you discover these red flags, whatever you do, DON’T avoid them. Don’t let your boundaries down for a woman. Long term, it will absolutely damage you as a man, humiliate you, and turn you into the worst version of yourself. I promise you. I loved this girl to death, even though she completely broke me inside. She did change me in many ways for the better, but the red flags far outweigh the green. Bottom line, men out there. If a woman portrays these red flags, confront them about it, and if they can’t own up to it/offer to work on it, you HAVE to walk away. Do not be afraid to walk away. Do not stay and let her eventually walk all over you, which will happen if you don’t deal with these red flags early. Just decided to rant here, haven’t spoke to almost anyone about my breakup, nor have ever been able to tell my ex about how I really feel without her erupting then me apologizing for how I feel. Thanks to anyone who read this, and I hope you can understand what the long term consequences of avoiding these red flags really can do to you as a man. Stay safe out here ❤
I’m glad to hear that you finally got out of it.Hope you’re staying away and glad you’re getting it off your chest and not keeping it bottled up inside.Sorry you had to end up apologising for saying how you felt.Don’t fall into that one again will you,and hope you’re doing better now. God bless.👍
I once had a girl brag to me about how great she was about cutting people out of her life without caring at all, guess what happened to me, lol. Other notable red flags I've experienced include "I'm not friends with girls they're drama" -if they cannot make friends with their own gender, run. THEY are the drama. Being hot and cold, always take indecision/confusion as a no for your own sake. "I never apologize" is another big one. Everyone makes mistakes, but if you encounter a girl who is not willing to own up and recognize her mistakes, and properly apologize for them, run. Gaslighting and emotional abuse are also huge red flags that are unfortunately pretty common in women. Women who shame men for having emotions or try to challenge your manliness always show huge red flags. Gaslighting such as calling you crazy when calling out poor behavior or trying to humiliate you in public are huge red flags. Women tend to abuse more socially and emotionally than physically so it is important to recognize these signs early as red flags, or they'll come back to bite you. I've found that people usually will show you exactly who they are, we tend to just not want to see it when they are the opposite gender.
Very true about girls who can't make friends with other girls. My exp is that they hang out with guys a lot since guys are easy to make friends with any girl that looks good enough, so to say, ignoring her flaws, etc. These girls sometimes have rather loose commitment abilities. Like, they have a boyfriend but are already on the lookout for a new one, etc. constantly trying to upgrade, stuff like that.
This happened to me too, I didn't think it was a big deal and ya in the end she broke up with me. She tried to be friends with me because I think she was still attached to me, idk. I let her string me along for awhile and eventually I realised I wasn't healing and finally cut her off. I expected her to leave me alone but she started hanging out with my friends(which she didn't do even when we were together) all in an effort to get back in my life. She broke up and cut off all her exes so I wonder what made me different. She also has a hard time making friends with other girls.
I'm 61 and, in my experience, most women have at least one of these, especially the mind reader one. Maybe I've met bad women all my life. I just don't trust my judgement when it comes to choosing women. It's why I quit dating 8 years ago and why I will never get married again.
As far as the mind reader thing is concerned, it's not so bad if she just accepts having made a mistake in predicting you. If she really invests a lot of energy in being angry about it, that's where the problem is.
I'm 64 and gave up dating about 8 years ago. I realized that I just don't have what the women I'm attracted to want, and I don't want the women I'm not attracted to. Good thing I've got pets and a hobby.
The biggest and most important points are not mentioned: - If she criticizes you for insignificant issues frequently, which she never did before - If she talks negative to her friends about you, or even worse: to strangers - If she never appears to be happy or positive about things you do - If she often does not seem to listen to what you say, in particular when there are important issues ... run, run run. All these points have the same cause.
@@LarryKippingsIt's crazy because all women do this. I haven't met a woman that doesn't display atleast half of the Red-flags mentioned in this comments section.
Not just drinking but lying or excusing or justifying it by saying it's only social drinking or I drink because you're here and I feel safe... ummm... yeah... I know you drink without me too because you drunk text me all the time.
My ex-wife buried all these things until we were married for a couple of years and then it all started surfacing slowly after our first child. It didn’t truly surface until our second child and then she figured out that it wasn’t about her all the time. It was real work and she didn’t like it. That higher standards for others was definitely there and the birthday needing to be for 1-2 weeks surfaced. Then it was vacations with her girlfriends and not family several times a year and her slow roll into 3rd wave feminism. All her friends had shit marriages while ours was stable. Rather, I was stable. I come from a family that values the sanctity of marriage in good and bad, so I stuck with it even though she changed drastically. I realized that with hindsight that her flags were buried when she was around me until it became too hard for her to disguise. If she had even one of them when we were dating, it would have been done immediately and I’m sure she knew that. I know men and women can sustain a certain amount of hiding themselves until they just can’t endure it. I would measure a woman, now that I’m almost 50, by the company they keep and for how long. Also, I would look at their family. I ignored that her mother was on her third marriage. When you grow up with three dads, then you might never learn that a husband is something you should fight to keep. Her father was an alcoholic, so how could she trust another man if her father was untrustworthy. When I was in my 20s I didn’t really understand how detrimental that could be to a woman’s mental health and expectation of men. It makes perfect sense now that we are divorced. Dedication, respect, unwavering trust, and loyalty mean nothing to someone that has never seen that growing up. She was not the right person although she played the part until life got hard. Red flags were there. I just needed to know how to get them to show. Thank you for helping men find them and make the right choices.
You are 100% right. I have ignored the red flags several flags, hence the term love is blind. If you go through this 3-4 times, then everyone thinks it is your fault. People do change after hiding their true self. I do not do that. I communicate my feelings from day one and expect the same from anyone I am involved in. Bad communication is a recipe for relationship failure.
Oh man, that is such a prove to that theory that: " women marry men hoping they will change , while men decide to marry a woman hoping that she will not change".
My ex-wife was a closet dating psycho woman as well. She changed right after we married though. When I confronted her about it, her exact words were "I acted that way during dating otherwise you wouldn't have married me.". Talk about crazy.
@@wetcrow_com yeah, I was totally ok with those flags back then. I didn’t realize how it damages people. I was naive about such things. Men are so lucky that they can share stories and learn from others. I’m sitting my son down when he’s 15 and covering all of this. He already sees his mother differently now that he lives without me in the house. I’ve said nothing, to not denigrate her, but he brings stories of frustration from her anger and drinking binges. It’s sad. I can’t make any moves to get primary custody unless she makes a major mistake. I hope she changes for my son’s sake.
You just can't change a girl. Or anyone. And expecting someone to want to is also a red flag for my own lack of self esteem. They are who they are. I now follow my intuition and live through my values of self respect and wisdom. They're guiding me well.
You can change a person. It's just bloody hard. Often times people want to change, but they don't know how, in everyday life their everyday behaviour shines through as the expression of their very core. As long as you're not able to touch that core, nothing is gonna change. In order to reach this core, you have to navigate through a labyrinth full of traps and obstacles. It's a lot of hard work, which I don't think most are willing to put themselves through.
She talks about her astrological sign a lot. Nearly every time I've met a woman who is into astrological signs, it's to justify the lunacy in her own life.
I was catching up on the bud light controversy going on and this video played next and I really was so impressed, yet very refreshed to be hearing a woman talking about warning signs on bad women. This was AWESOME! And Courtney Ryan you are more than AWESOME to do this video. A wholehearted thank you sharing this
I had a girl break up with me a few years ago, because I "wasn't man enough for her, because I wouldn't buy her a new car" This was coming from someone who cried about being too stressed out with working 4 hours a day, 3 days a week. I still wonder if she's managed to capture her perfect man😂
Thanks for this, I’m a girl and didn’t realize I was guilty of some of these behaviours. Gladly not to an extreme but still I’ve made mistakes with these kind of things.
Nobody is perfect, and kudos for recognizing negative behaviors. The real question is, are you gonna grow and move forward? Or are you gonna remain stagnant?
As a 33 year old, it seems impossible to meet anybody who is even half as rational as this. Regardless of if they're 20, 30 or 40, I have yet to meet one who doesn't check off at least 3 or 4 of these boxes. I used to actually date them and ruin my self esteem more than it already was too... Now I've got at least more realistic and deserving standards for myself. However now I just don't date. I certainly attract not the most pleasant women for some reason and well, at this point I think I need to just wait to meet someone in a way that doesn't feel so forced as using dating apps. It's hard to be single in this economy, but damn it is not worth the mental damage being stuck with a narcissist.
Courtney, you must have met my ex girlfriend and took notes, she fit every red flag here. She made my life miserable, she was horrible. She broke up with me but I think she thought I would come running back to her, I ran so fast and I honestly felt better emotionally and physically. I was trapped and when she opened the door I couldn't get away fast enough.
honestly my dude, if you're ever with someone and realises ANY of these, just break up with them yourself, that was the last favor your ex did for you, get you rid of her
I’ve commented on this lady’s videos before, and she’s excellent. Mature, clear, concise and helped me avoid difficult women in the past, thank you Courtney.
I knew a gal some years ago who, when talking about her history, said of her ex-husband “he bought me a house!” NO, he did not buy YOU a house. He bought a house for the two of you; he bought ‘us’ a house.
I dated a woman whose mother coined the phrase "I hate all men". I never heard any details about her father (which is another red flag in my book). Thankfully I broke up with her before things got too serious.
You was lucky by breaking My ex was like this - she kept relations around only with ladies, there wasn't any good opinion about any known to us or her man included me and my familly with highest level of criticizm. After 22 years we divorced - if I knew more in begining... But she was suppresing it many years and only after many years when she felt stronger on her feet she "nicely" developed narcism too.
I was married to someone with all of these well defined red flags for 15 years. It's not a bad relationship, it's an exercise in not taking your own life on a daily basis because you feel like you couldn't bear to live without your kids, and that's the knife they quietly slide into you and twist, and no one else is aware that this is how the relationship operates, or can figure out why you're chronically depressed and anxious. I also know other men who are still in relationships with vvomen who tick all of these boxes. It's pure desperation.
I feel for you brother. I was also married for 15 years and it was soul crushing. My ex-wife had a very abusive childhood and suffered from so much trauma she never healed from. 10 years in, she was finally diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, and things marginally improved for a time. Only reason I stayed for so long was I couldn't bear to be without my kids, and even more so couldn't fathom leaving them with her and not being around to help shield them from her crazy making behavior. Been divorced for 12 years now, kids are grown and doing well and I see them regularly, They are really the only relationships I have at this stage in my life. I stopped dating a few years ago, as I refuse to put myself through that kind of anguish again, and it seems the dating pool is filled with self-absorbed women with loads of undealt with trauma.
To be honest I wish I saw this video when I was younger haha. I had such low self esteem I stayed with a girl only for the reason of having a girlfriend. Now I have self respect and these videos are helping me get more confidence in myself. Thank you Courtney!!!
1. Your 'do in the thumbnail is LEGIT. 2. I have met the women you describe here and you are spot on. The birthday month thing, the calling themselves crazy, talking over/controlling/COMPETITIVE - YIKES. I run away and I run FAST. I have also found that once the first red flag is shown, it is inevitable that all of the rest come in short order. What I dig about your content is that nearly every vid you posts reaffirms that I am already doing, practicing and living what you say - before even watching them. Good to know I am on the right path as a man.
I feel like point five of interrupting/finishing sentences is a bit misleading. There's no other way of gauging the pace of the prospective conversations and how else are you supposed to know how many of the same wavelengths you're catching with another person? Talking is a two-way street regardless of context.
@CourtneyRyan, @@Illlium I don't know if it's misleading or not, but the tone, context and phrasing go a long way with deciding if they are being rude or dismissive of what you're trying to say at the time, I feel like Courtney just wanted us to be aware of the negative aspects of it. I have a habit of finishing people's sentences sometimes. I try not verbally walk over people, but when I'm on the same wavelength with someone I tend to do it, more so if it's something we are both excited about.
Last woman I was seeing had drama everywhere. Lots of groups of people she didn’t want to be around at work because they thought she was a “B” She also didn’t know how to fight fair and would just shut down or hang up on me on the phone. We couldn’t resolve anything because she was too immature to discuss problems.
I just realized that since getting out of an extremely toxic relationship, I don't make it the only topic of conversation, but I have talked about my ex more than I should. Thank you for posting this video. It really opened up my eyes to some negative attributes that I have developed and need to change.
She's absolutely right! I used to talk to a girl who literally said "if a woman kills the husband or abuses him it's the man's fault because he triggered her in some way." Yeahhhh i told her she was toxic and dipped...😶🌫️
0:14 - Princess/ Petulant Behavior 1:32 - Negative About Relationships 3:50 - Mind Reader Talk 4:48 - She Calls Herself "Crazy" 6:32 - Not what she says 8:20 - I Hate Men
Who else is a female that’s on here to make sure you don’t say any of these things? Lol i like these videos because it keeps yourself in check because all of us can fall into bad habits. The only one I can say I do is the interrupting sometimes but I’ve gotten way better, it was an anxiety/excitement thing for me. And I honestly hate when women do all these things too especially when they say “men are trash” pa-lease 🙄😒
Lol, I love it! Honestly making these videos helps keep me in check too 😂 I used to be horrible at interrupting as well and it was for the same reason. None of us are perfect! Being willing to grow and make an effort is a green flag in my book 😇 thanks for commenting, Michelle!
Mine is talking bad about my narc hubs. ?? Well, there's not much good to say about him. Did I make mistakes? Yes. Have I learned from them? Yes. Have I made an effort to grow and improve myself? In men's eyes? Yes. Has it been effective? Appears so. That said, I did NOT deserve to be defrauded and abused emotionally (gaslighting, triangulation, bullying) and financially (he wasted my entire savings w/o my knowledge after bullying me into letting him "be the man and the finance guy"). Did I go batshit when he lied? Yes, I'll admit that. But did I when he made a mistake? HELL no. I was supportive and complimentary...even HE would say so. Yet he lied and snuck anyhow. He as a compulsive lying problem that came to light only after we were married (we dated for 18 months...6 months long-distance so 12 months local). SO...yes we should avoid this stuff, as women. But (a) I'm really not sure how to address my situation with men. And (b) I think that if we hit one of the six...but not the other five...maybe some benefit of the doubt is in order. Shit DOES happen...sometimes situations suck and while maybe with skills/ experience the woman could have been better, she was still invested and doing her best. And to be fair (and I would say this BOTH directions), sometimes the man is not accepting / or is judgmental (I'll say, I don't think this applies often...but it CAN). Anyhow. My $0.02. :-)
Meet your own expectations! I expect balance with physical appearance, financial responsibility, mental stability and spirituality. I hold myself to these standards, if you don’t have your act together I’m not interested.
I was once chatting up a girl who came out with, "so many men, so little time". I said, "good luck with that", made an excuse that I had to be somewhere else, and left.
I feel that when someone who is raised in a strict home finds freedom, they over compensate and either go crazy or try to control everything because they lacked power. Just my observation from living with a lot of these.
The best relationship I had was when I was 20-22. She was beautiful but didn’t seem to care at all. She was always so kind and appreciated anything I did for her She never expected anything and was just as happy going to a nice restaurant as she was just hanging out and talking. She was so genuine and giving to everyone around her. As happy as I was I didn’t fully appreciate how rare and special she was. It’s been 30 years and I literally think about her almost every day.
Amazing content! Your insight is helping me navigate the dating world. I think another red flag is if she says to you: “if you want to see me again, we will go here instead.” Or, “if you want to see me again, you have to do this.” The ultimatums are a huge red flag, expressing narcissistic qualities. I’ve had this happen to me before. I took out a girl to dinner (third date) and she didn’t like the food at all. She made a big deal about the restaurant and told me that the food tasted like sand. Right there, I knew it was time to cut ties. Once the date was over, she said to me: “if you want to see me again, I’ll be picking the restaurant next time.” I internalized it for a bit, until I told her that I was done. No one should be disrespected when you’re putting your best foot forward, especially when it is getting to know someone.
A customer at my work came in and announced to everyone in earshot that it was her birthday, and everyone, present company excluded, became really nice and complimentary toward her, and she just kept glaring at me with contempt and scorn, because how dare I not give her attention on her birthday....smh....people desperately need to embrace their humility and get over themselves! Thanks for the info, Courtney! You're totally an 11! 👍
Courtney, this video really hits home, especially when you touched on the 'princess behavior'! It reminds me of the entitlement bias, where some people, men and women alike, believe they deserve special treatment simply because of who they are or how they see themselves. I know someone who struggled with this in their relationship-constantly feeling unappreciated because their partner demanded endless attention and gifts, yet never reciprocated. It’s so true that this mindset is a huge red flag for long-term compatibility
Omg this hits close to home. I'm a divorced 47 year old guy. Since 2017 I've had 5 girlfriends, that I all met on dating sites, 4 out of 5 was Tinder and the 5th Bumble. All of them were so SOOO toxic yet seemed great in the beginning. I relate to EVERY point you made. Thank you for making this content because there's millions it seems, of videos warning women about toxic guys in the dating scene and being a man I can admit there's a lot of douchebags, but there's a lot of us quality men too. My question is: if a woman isn't directly talking in general terms negatively about men per se, but, she very overemphasizes how great and awesome women are, is that basically the same thing as misandrist speech and attitudes? A woman I was dating earlier in the spring who I'm not with anymore (because of all the red flags) on our first date when we were hanging out at her house and talking about music and watching RU-vid on her big screen TV kept going to these ' "I am woman, hear me roar" songs and clips, one in particular was by a Mongolian instrumental band called the Hu with guest singer Lizzie Hale from Halestorm called "A Woman's Song" I am not misogynist in the slightest but I actually found the song kinda offensive because the lyrics were stating that only women have admirable traits. But moreso my ex girlfriend's reaction to it, she was singing along and her commentary was like "yeah in Mongolia women are in charge and never disrespected" I nicely made the reply and questioned "well shouldn't it also be not cool to disrespect a man?" She just shrugged that off and I remember ar the time getting the clear feeling she had contempt for men
I have ignored or justified a few of these warning signs in the past. My (now) ex-wife turned out to have undiagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) which made the relationship extremely unstable, I would not recommend it. What I would recommend is if at anytime the relationship feels bad or wrong than it's time to 'nope' on out of there. Life is too short to waste it on someone who is only looking for the next sugar-daddy or whipping boy.
My ex said to me "All women are crazy we(women) just put on a veneer of sanity" ... As a man I took this as gospel as there are no truer words ever said by a woman.
Lots of people, both men and women, still throw temper tantrums and act like infants. My mother and her mother were like this, so was my mother's brother as well as my own brother. It is a trait from my mother's side of the family. Luckily I do not have it myself. All of this applies to both genders, of course. Your choice of friends often says a lot about you.
Except when she calls you and profusely apologizes and you go over to her house and you find her butt-necked and spread-eagle on her bed and she wants you to spank her.
My experience as a woman is that this works in reverse as well. :-) Know many guys still tied to mummy's umbilical cord. Know many that are NOT, as well. But "family is important" is a thing they bang you over the head with, either direction. LIke family that come into town for a week or more and expect you to drop all your normal activities while they're there.... Yeah just no. Or family that criticize your SO unnecessarily...and you don't stick up for your SO (or the reverse). Family can be a reason...but it can often be an excuse.
I've been on dates/dated women that do all these things. At first I used to judge them but now I just wish them well and move on. Great video thanks for posting!
Thanks Courtney. Sometimes it's good to get reminders of the red flags from previous relationships - time heals old wounds, but then you start feeling nostalgic for that person and... well, yeah, this was a good reminder of some of the reasons why I ended it! The "talking over" thing was by far the worst, and this ex gaslighted me HARD. I didn't even know what that term was until I came across it months after we broke up. Appreciate the vid (and the reminders!)
You are spot on with your list and if even one guy hears this and heeds your advice, he will save himself a lifetime of hurt. I should know, I have been married to a woman like this for almost 30 years and wasn't secure enough in myself to walk away when just about every one of your red flags manifested itself. I hope a lot of guys watch this and take it to heart.
I had a woman say to me on a date that “I use to hate all men.” Then later on another date she said “I have a hard time trusting men and is the reason why I haven’t been more open.” This was and wasn’t a red flag to me. I was happy she was being honest, but she was carrying negativity from what I can only assume her past relationships that she wasn’t healed from yet. Maybe some sort of trauma from a past relationship.
for some women it's not trauma, it's what they heard from other women's trauma, and crimes some men did to some women. It's a bad habit to assume everything to be from past trauma
Ex wife constantly interrupted and finished my sentences in ways that never crossed my mind. Always spinning into a negative. I simply couldn’t say anything nice without being interrupted mid-sentence with a negative spin. And forget about correcting her statement and telling her she’s being rude. That just makes it worse!
I was dating a woman who was trying to talk over me while we were having a disagreement about a year ago. When she tried doing that, I simply hung up on her and that was the end of it. I spoke to my friend who is a licensed psychologist and said everything that occurred between us to get his professional opinion of her months after I stopped seeing her. His professional diagnosis was that she has a borderline personality disorder. Whew, I dodged a bullet!
I noticed a red flag on my 2nd date with a girl I was really vibing with. I don't remember the exact words but it was something along the lines of, "I'm never wrong, just misinformed." It was a daddy issue thing and she basically needed to be the best and on top, getting A's in her classes. And funny enough, I saw it in action at the end of the date. I was giving her directions to the take the right train but she was so sure she was heading in the right direction, she didn't listen to me until she noticed she was wrong. I noticed when she realized and told her, "I'm not trying to prove you wrong, just trying to help you." She said, "I was just misinformed!" I was dumbfounded.
Wow, where you been all my life Courtney? If I'd heard this 13 years ago I could have avoided so much trouble and loss. Lol. About fell out of my chair listening to it. Recently divorced, and she has a hard legit four of the six red flags and one of the remaining two is debatable. I subscribed immediately and starting my journey listening to more of your content. Thank you so much.
Anytime a girl talks about how she’s “crazy” I’m evaporating from the scene. If it’s clearly a joke that’s one thing, but a lot girls use it unironically and they’re usually telling the truth
@@RayleighCriterion they like own it now like it’s cute or something. I’m clinically depressed and went through some really tough, “crazy” times. I’m doing better now, but the idea that I would own that and think it’s actually a good thing is unbelievable. I try to avoid it like the plague
The Last date and relationship I had was back in 1987 and I became a full Red Pill/MGTOW practitioner 3 years later and never looked back. I never had ANY problems with opposite sex anymore since going my own way and I became completely indifferent towards them and it was the best thing that happened to me.
@@stephanea5364 deep down i suspect only the men that go fully off grid minimalist and keep human interaction to a minimum are 100% dead serious about the position of going their own way. Many who subscribe to MGTOW deep down lament the absence of the companionship we naturally want, but they either lose the desire to keep trying to obtain it or they just conclude logically that the costs are too high while emotionally, they are empty. Though an incel would argue that the marketplace was never selling the product the man was looking for in the first place. Kept under lock and key for the desirables only. Hence the term MSTOW that goes around in those circles. You can't walk away from something that was never on the table to begin with they would say. In sum, whether or not a man is legit about his position in MGTOW is irrelevant insofar as what others like us have to say about it. That type of choice is personal. It's between the man and himself. And only he really knows deep down if he means what he says and says what he means or if he's just deluding himself on why he's REALLY in the boat he's in. That's his hill to climb. His battle to fight.
There are good women out there and being fair there is a lot of bad men. Hating all women because of what some women have done to you is wrong. Nothing wrong with not dating but hating peoples is wrong
A toxic person, is a toxic person, regardless of gender and these red flags can be applied to anyone. I think they mostly point to insecurities people have within themselves and are manifested outwardly in different ways. It's a good list, so take note people and work on insecurity issues within yourself for the betterment of all, I am.
I once had a friend who said to me one time, that she looked up to her sister “for leading men on and breaking their hearts” it didn’t occur to me that is exactly what she did to me. I still hate that chick for that
Just got out of a short relationship with a girl that had so many red flags but we had such a connection i literally just ignored them. My gut was screaming at me that it wasnt a good idea to be with her. On the first date she talked poorly about all her exes and most of her work collegues (but she was in the middle of switching jobs so i thought that the stress might just be overbearing) she overshared intimate details of her past friends and exs and when i asked her why she does it and that i didnt want to hear it she turned it around on me. She had a hairline trigger and could be set off at any moment 6 weeks in and she was already doing a lot of the narcassistic punishment/deflecting/deniability and i already felt like i was on eggshells with her. The last straw was when i called her out for doing something shady she played dumb, acting like she had no idea wut i was talking about, i held my ground, she minimized, so i called it right then and there. I know I am a contributing factor as i still struggle to communicate clearly and patiently when I need to talk about something. Tbh i felt like i needed to keep working on myself because of the whole experience. It was a shame too because there was so much potential there. When i told her i needed to work on me more and couldnt continue with her she immediately cussed me out and blocked me on all forms of contact and that was it. But i am grateful for the experience because I can see how i failed to hold my ground and apologised for things i didnt do, also i can get pretty worked up too, not anything out of the ordinary, but i gotta learn how to be in control of my emotions more. I need someone who knows how to communicate and knows how to agree to disagree
Dont let their behavior shift your own belief about yourself. Narcissistic gals cant be foxed so it's not your "bad" to make good on. You did the best you could with a toxic peraon. High 5 bro
hi courtney! i’m not a guy, but i wanted to watch this video to see if i unintentionally showed these red flags as a woman. the only two i had was that i used to be a “mind reader” when not all guys knew what i wanted in our relationship and talking about my ex and comparing them to my ex when they’re two different people. talking negatively about the past and other people and calling it “venting” definitely wears out and ruins relationships so i learned not to expect guys to be so perfect when i haven’t communicated my wants with them nor worked on myself first. thank you so much for sharing!! i think this video would help out other women too to prevent damage in relationships :)
OH MY GOD! Thanks a lot for this. I am a sensitive guy and spent my intire life attracting girls like that, trouble makers with serious mental disorders. I didn't want to feel like i am a sexsist person for observing that, but, after this video, i am sure i am not. The "i am crazy" category was "the best" for me. Thanks.
I used to know a girl that would say "guys are so dumb". I think this falls in the same category as "all men are trash". It's generalizing a whole gender and shows that they don't respect men. I've also met women who would say that "all girls are crazy" and think that their toxic behaviors were normal. My encounters with women who think this way were not pleasant.
I was saying to my sons today...that I think men and women miss each other in certain aspects. So many women expect men to act like girlfriends and feel neglected when they act like men instead. I'm sure it goes the opposite direction as well. Had I listened to the well-meaning advice of the majority of my girlfriends, who only wanted the best for me, I'd have thrown away one of the most awesome relationships with a wonderful man. But I had to learn to accept him for who he was...accept that he may never be as responsive as I want him to be...but he asked questions, was trying, and showed his care in so many subtle ways. My gf's didn't like him because he wasn't showy enough...he wasn't obvious. But I'll take him over a histrionic any day. He is my peace; he as taught me about grace, patience, forgiveness, perseverance, hope, and faith. And I want to be all this for him. We miss each other. I've heard it said that women see men as badly-behaving women, and men see women as badly-behaving men. When really, we're truly 2 different creatures. We MISS each other. Girls are NOT dumb; men are NOT trash. We miss each other. :-)
This is fantastic information Courtney, especially coming from a woman. One thing that I would love to see addressed more from therapists and other experts like you who talk about relationship issues, red flags and personality disorders on RU-vid is the distinction on inappropriate behavior at the beginning of a relationship vs in a committed relationship (common-law or married). I have an Ex who within 7 days of our first date she told me she was in love with me. 9 days after we met she introduced me to her Special Needs kids, who were almost 18 and had seen many guys come and go. Within a month she was pushing me to move in. I cut her a LOT of slack because of the situations she was dealing with. The romance, passion and chemistry between us was off the charts. Many of her behaviors were aggressively manipulative and controlling because I was playing the savior and chose to go down the rabbit hole with her. That's on me. But my point is some of her behaviors and expectations would be normal if they were at an appropriate stage in the relationship, not within a few weeks or a month! As I said I would love you to do videos on how to DEVELOP a healthy, conscious, balanced relationship, understanding that everyone is different and the pace isn't written in stone. I think for education, some sort of guidelines could be very useful though!!
Frankly, I find these behaviours to be red flags in any relationship, not just potential romantic relationships! You don’t need these things in any part of your life.
I learned this the hard. I had a girl in my life who was super important to me and I gave her everything for a year. I thought nothing of her comments about her family, house mates, past friends. I thought she was kidding when she said how horrible men were. I thought her princess behaviour was endearing. She ended up ghosting me and I still don't know why. I'm still trying to get over it.
I've found that, regardless of how much you think someone likes you, if they gossip negitively about everyone else to you, it's literally impossible that they are not doing the same about you to others.
My marriage of 11 years with 2 young kids ended this year because of certain things I would do that I had no idea was bothering her. "I shouldn't have had to tell you" was pretty much her response to when she finally told me what was wrong. She let it build up to the point where she was over it without ever giving me a chance to correct my behavior. Crazy thing is, there wasn't one thing that I couldn't have stopped doing pretty easily had she told me she didn't like it. But I was expected to know without knowing. And not putting it all on her. I can see how negative my actions were now. I was wrong for doing them.
Great insights, Roger. I can relate completely. If I had had a clear idea of my mistakes, I would have corrected them. I came out of my marriage realizing the importance of ultimatums. Let me know when I'm acting irresponsibly/immaturely/selfishly/etc. "or else," and I'll make sure that behavior stops pronto.
It seems the more videos I watch from you the more you make me realized how “toxic” my previous relationship was. Also how much all those bad habits or red flags are being normalized, thanks to social media.
For the longest time I always thought these were red flags, but felt like I "wasn't allowed" to call them red flags out of social pressure and pressure from the women in my life that actually are like this, so I'm glad to see a woman point these things out, I dont feel like an asshole for calling it how I see it anymore, very affirming, thank you
I actually had one recently say in an initial date, that "she was a princess and deserves the best". Not to mention alot of other things she wanted to do in her life.....basically the lifestyles of the rich and famous.
I literally had a girl refer to herself as a princess to my face after she got upset with me for not offering to take her on vacation because some guy at her gym wanted to take her somewhere. This is the level of entitlement that is out there. Yep she used to do the read my mind, and get me flowers thing too.
I knew a very attractive woman whose boyfriend gave her a Mercedes to drive, although he kept it in his name. She's post-wall now and nobody will hand her their Mercedes. Must be rough for her.
I dated a girl once who was fond of telling me, "if you REALLY like me, you would do this for me." I dropped her like a hot potato and never looked back! Keep up the good work Courtney - you're the best!
Respond with: "If you REALLY loved me... you wouldn't resort to emotional blackmail, and silly mind games." Sadly, I don't think that these women are self-aware enough to see the humor there... 😂
