I met Davy Jones of the Monkees years ago in Cincinnati. Instead of gushing how l loved him, his songs, the show-all that idiocy he'd heard before, l asked him about his horse farm in Pennsylvania. Did he ever look surprised! We had a nice chat about his horses, and l got a hug.
#6. One time I was rushing home because I had to poop really bad. Literally, I was about to poop my pants. I was speeding, and ran through a red light. 2-3 weeks later, a ticket arrived in the mail with a red light ticket and it wasn't cheap. If I remember correctly it was ~$150 or so. I called the number on the back of the ticket, hoping to explain my situation. The operator transferred me to the Officer or Supervisor and I got their voicemail. I left an impassioned and honest speech on their VM about how truly sorry I was but that I really had to go. An officer or police supervisor called me back a few days after the voicemail to tell me they'd be voiding the ticket and that my voicemail was played throughout their office and left everyone in absolute stiches, laughing at my expense. I couldn't help but start laughing and told him I was glad they got a kick out of it and expressed how thankful I was for them voiding the ticket for me. The price I'd pay to get my hands on a copy of that voicemail. Anyway, just goes to show being honest does work.....
I experienced something similar when stopped for speeding. When the police officer asked me why I was in a rush, I responded honestly by saying “ I’m so sorry but I was about to pee my pants and saw the 711 on that corner (I’m looking towards the gas station as I’m saying this to him) and couldn’t help but rush towards it.” He chuckled and let me off with a warning. Funny enough as I pulled away I noticed my urgency to pee disappeared. Probably from the anxiety of being pulled over.
Being honest is easy because it gives you a free pass to say anything. People will often times say very rude things like "you are way too fat" and then go "just being honest" as if that alleviates social responsibility and consequences for what they just said. If you look at the people that are most successful in life, politicians, ladies men, social leaders, business leaders, etc you will notice that they lie CONSTANTLY. Even in children the children that are most socially successful are the ones that lie the most. People dont want to hear the truth, they want to hear comfortable lies. God loves you. You look great in that outfit. All the bad people will be punished in the afterlife. Etc.
I find it somewhat narcisisstic of the society that the majority of people struggle with those traits and STILL require others to behave like this towards them. I mean, learning to behave more confidently has value on its own and makes you feel better no matter what, but a little understanding for those who struggle would go a long way. Thanks for the useful hints!
I’m not sure where you came up with that perspective but I’m afraid it simply does not jibe with reality. First of all I would not say that a “majority” of people struggle with these issues. And secondly, its not a matter or people “requiring” others to behave in a certain way towards them. There are just certain types of body language and behavior that tend to turn people off but this is not an analytical process and therefore has nothing to do with ones "expectations" - conscious or otherwise. As for your last sentence it is both right and wrong. The body language that confident people display comes directly and naturally from that underlying confidence and they are usually not even consciously aware of their own body language. In other words; these people don’t have to tell themselves to carry themselves in a certain way. The video on the other hand is simply giving tips to people who are not really confident on how to fake the outward appearance of being so. The problem with this is that when people respond positively or negatively to a particular body language they are responding to what this says about person underneath and not to the body language itself. And even if you fool them in the beginning the real you will eventually show through. I was actually a very shy and social awkward teenager myself but as I got older and more confident my body language also changed accordingly but it was not something I ever had to think about as it just came naturally. When you change on the inside what you convey through your body language also changes. But I guess there is something to be said for “faking it until you make it” so maybe these videos can be useful to some people. And its certainly good to study these things to improve your job interview skills or if you want to be a better public speaker.
Shyness is attractive to me. It's vulnerable and sweet. I'm not sure that "confidence" is the most important thing in the world. I feel like we should be more accepting of shy behaviors and let people come out of their shells on their own, rather than demanding they do things or be a certain way. I'm not saying a little confidence doesn't help; I'm saying that not everyone can do it, and that's perfectly fine.
This channel has single handedly made me go from extremely introverted to extroverted introvert, thank you Charlie and Ben, you guys are changing lives. Edit: Ima just get this out of my system, DAD I'M FAMOUS! Dad?
@@jameshumphries5059 the comedy videos 1000%, aspecially the videos with Ryan Reynolds!! I have always tried talking with women like I was trying to find out everything about them by just a barrage of questions, but now I can actually make them laugh and be silly. The confidence of short kings video also helped me (I'm short...) and other confidence videos did too, the body language tips help a lot!!! I use to literally just sit in class and freak out whenever someone new talked to me, now I talk to new people, I still struggle a bit with confidence sometimes but it's definitely getting much better!!
An introvert is someone who naturally feels drained when talking to people and doesn't like much social interaction. I know first hand because I'm like that. There really can't be an "extroverted introvert" because they directly contradict each other by being literally polar opposites. I can talk to people for example, but I honestly hate it and like to spend time mostly alone or talking with just one or two good friends or a significant other at most, but nothing else because anything more than that is overwhelming and physically and mentally draining for me. You are probably actually just extroverted, but you had some kind of past /childhood trauma that made you shy/have social anxiety that made you think you were introverted because you avoided talking to a lot of people out of fear, even though you clearly craved to do so. That's a mistake a lot of people make and I just wanted to point that possibility out.
When i was younger I put extra stress on myself in social situations. I wanted to be a talkative extrovert. I learned to embrace my quiet nature over the years. Do what feels comfortable for you. If you are always agreeable and it isnt a issue for you then dont stop just because of what others think. Short version = do you and own it ❤
1) avoidant body language 2) talking tentatively 3) asking first instinct questions 4) retreating after a miss 5) bragging unnecessarily 6) prioritise being agreeable over being true to yourself
Yes, he looks like that because he is acting to look like that. Why do people think actors stop acting when they're being interviewed or in some kind of a show? Even most regular people would act in those situations. And by doing tricks like shown in this video they just train their acting skills, instead of changing how they truly feel or are. It's all fake, and it makes me sad to realize so many people are trying to come across as someone they are not.
@@tomtacular You lost out on having the answer spoon-fed to you when you insulted me the first time. Who responds positively to this in your life and reinforces that this is a good way to interact with people?
@@tomtacular I’d think it’s socially a piss poor interaction, I don’t care either way because I got a few laughs out of your frustration and delivered some truth along the way. 11/10 day, I daresay. Hope yours has been as productive!
Even if you're an extrovert, there are a lot of great tips in this video, like not using filler words and not going along with the crowd when you fill strongly about something. Great advice!
If you constantly worry about what others think, you will not come across as confident. Even if you succeed in looking initially confident, plenty of people have no trouble spotting habits built to mask insecurities. That isn't to say we should ignore each other's opinions. I'm saying one appears much more confident when that confidence comes from a place of genuine self respect. If you feel like you need to talk to people better before you can respect yourself, then that may be part of the issue. There are plenty of amazing things a person can do and plenty of amazing ways to do them. Just try things out, live a little, and don't let the fear control your decisions. Life is terrifying! It's always scary! Bullies know that and try to use the fear to manipulate you. Instead, use your self-respect and principles to manipulate yourself into a strong position. You'll be surprised how much more accepted you'll feel when you project confident individuality.
I notice when I am more stoic and reserved I actually get more positive attention and am pursued more. Both my parents where con artists and had artificial charm. I never wanted to be like them and became very honest and reserved in my interactions while still maintaining strong body language and eye contact. I am very weary of over charismatic individuals due to my upbringing. Any thoughts? Is there a balance> ?
I have had better results in my life by staying with my quiet nature rather than putting on an act of false charisma. The difficulty however is finding a way not to give off a rude or disinterested impression.
From my experience, I used to be more shy. I would only speak if I was sure that I had something good to say. Most of the time I was ignored and overlooked. Sometimes, I was treated as a wise, mysterious guy. Ultimately, I struggled to make new connections, and I rarely felt like part of the group. I think the improvement I made was to act more recklessly among friends. Sometimes I'll say a half-baked idea that was obviously faulty in retrospect. Curating my thoughts a bit less helped to make me more approachable and helped to keep my self image (and my friends' images of me) in line with reality. I think the ability to charm and convince people is powerful, but morally dubious. It reduces a person's agency. Justifiable and useful in many situations, of course, but maybe not ideal when forming close relationships. For example: "Hey, I'm gonna go drink a soda on Dan's roof. You in? It isn't safe but we wear good shoes and I love that view and breeze." This is not very charismatic, in my opinion, and easily rejected. But it's nice to know that the people who I hang out with like me for me. Also, lacking charm helps motivate me to improve myself as a person. If I want to be interesting, I now have to... find things around me interesting, have fun stories, etc. Anyways, there's some thoughts.
Writing in all caps does not make it correct. Of course we do care about what others think, including family members. A better advice would be don't care too much about what people think.
Impractical advice, because almost everyone cares at some level, it’s actually a healthy way to be. And for the few who don’t, they often wind up being selfish and alienating because they are only concerned with themselves. You need to find a balance between being aware of how other’s perceive you and being paralayzed/obsessed with it. It’s not good to be too far to either side.
I’ve started recording myself & watching the videos back & I’ve reduced my filler words exponentially! Asking interesting questions really makes people remember you, too. ❤❤❤
I am a person who pauses. Unfortunately, I have met way too many people that takes pauses as signs of lying, lack of intelligence, drunnkeness, being on the nod, being ill, having a brain injury or brain volume loss, being handicapped, etc. So, I pause to gather the right words and I get interrupted by people interjecting things like WHAT? ... WHY DID YOU STOP? ... ARE YOU OKAY? ... OH NO! JUST SAY WHAT YOU INTENDED TO SAY! Oh yes, I forgot they often also take it as a sign that you are avoiding telling /calling them something awful in an attempt to appear to be a better person than you are. Which leaves me doing a lot of avoidant behavior, indeed- b ecause, I am literally avoiding any interruptions of idiotic proportions as I attempt to think while saying "Uhm .. err .. " and such as that.
While the first person is completely right, another possibility for this is that while pausing you might be prone to breaking the eye contact which is a big no-no! Instead you should hold proper eye contact and look like you're thinking. Let them know you're thinking!
Maintaining eye contact while thinking; that caveat does not work for many neurodivergent people. They need a break from eye contact to gather their thoughts & formulate sentences. They do not do that while the other person is speaking because they are too busy listening and “taking in” the information.
The thing I like the most is how, instead of being another video about doing things that are not YOU, this actually tells you how to be you but project that image in a better way. If that makes sense. We look away when we think something over / try to remember, which is fine (watch the clips and you see this even when they do it right), I think the key point is to not move your head down or to the side and just move your eyes instead.
@@mikokennoob5032 , I meant being attractive in a personable sense, as well. I incorporated a lot of these behaviors over the years and dealing with people I don't really vibe with got exhausting. I get what you're saying, though.
I’ve found that in avoiding “white lies” at least with dating is that when you are honest and then honestly complimentary it goes over much better. For a simple example. Do you like this dress? It’s not my favorite, but last time you wore that black dress I couldn’t stop thinking about you all night. But don’t give compliments if it’s not true. In my experience females are a lot more adept at picking up subtle signs of emotions. If you are feeling what you are saying, they notice.
Public speaking makes everybody nervous; some also find everyday social interactions tricky...drama classes helped me to engage better both individually ( one on one ) and with an audience.
I have already started doing most of these for another reason. I wanted to stop sabotaging myself. Some of the ways I kept sabotaging myself were: - agreeing with others just to not get into conflict - stopping to talk when I felt someone didn't like what I said - stopping to talk when too many people were listening, afraid of someone disagreeing - getting fidgety when I was talking to someone I liked or admired - using a lot of filler words ON PURPOSE because I thought it makes me more likeable, which ended up manifesting itself into my speech patterns - bragging (all the time, even lies) - telling "white lies" about 1000 times a day (which nobody likes, and oftentimes it's really clear that you were lying) - pretending to not know something because I wasn't confident it was 100% correct - making myself small because I was afraid of being seen I worked on all of these (and still do) and my life has already drastically improved. People listen to me more, I receive so many more compliments, my opinion is respected. Even in a group setting, people actually listen to me instead of talking over me. I used to think the problem was them not listening and being rude, but I suppose the problem was me not making myself heard.
As always, very well said, and it's interesting how even the repetitive points through the videos help the viewer comprehend them deeply. However, not everything always applies to every (even western) culture the way it's said. For example, pointing out confidence and repeating this word over and over, in some cultures isn't what people have in mind as projecting the most, while everything that the meaning of it refers to is indeed what we wish for to see the most in the other person. For many, friendliness and humbleness or even shyness gain better impressions, but again, even in this case seeing people looking this awkward and uncomfortable, wouldn't be pleasing for them. It's very interesting.
i like this channel a lot more than I expected. I always thought I had a pretty good handle on these things naturally, but your videos really are unique and thoughtful and I will definitely use some of these tips
I work as a tour guide and I try to tells jokes and most of them hit most of the time. My experience is humor is the hardest thing to translate. So to avoid awkward bombs I strip a lot of the jokes out when my guests are predominately not native English speakers. They more often confuse people than entertain them.
This also kind of reminds me of an old school commercial, “When EF Hutton talks, people listen.” I always interpreted that to mean, be a quiet person and also think before you speak. Make sure what you say is going to make a difference. And speak with conviction. Thanks for the tips.
One of these habits I have to admit I use to do a lot and I’ve been working on it but after seeing this video I realize I need to work much harder on it! Thank you again for another great video!!!!
re: Retreating after a miss - I was at the Espy awards many years ago and James Van Der Beek was a presenter. He read the joke off the teleprompter and it absolutely bombed. MGM Arena was crickets. He looked off stage, then looked back in the camera and said "You assholes write this crap, and we are the ones up here getting our asses kicked for it." A murmur of approval went through the crowd and it is a vivid memory from that event over 20 years ago.
I rarely click on these types of videos because they are more often than not, complete BS. But this is a good one. What I liked most was, being honest, expanding and keeping your head up, and avoiding filler words. I worked many years as a presentation coach and manager. I'd give this advice on a regular basis. The easiest way to delete filler words from your public speaking is to film yourself speaking. You'll be just as annoyed by the filler words as anyone you might be talking to, perhaps more so.
2:30 I’ve felt a lot less critical about filler words (i.e. ‘like’) since learning women often adopt this strategy as a way to audibly continue your train of thought this keeping men from interrupting
I used to use no filler words and every millisecond of pause will get you completely interrupted in conference calls. Maybe it's just a toxic environment but depending on context I will use filler so that people can't interrupt. It's not really about in-context interruptions, but people will interrupt and then shift topic to something else.
I'm new to stock market /Crypto and would like to invest but I've go no idea on how to make good profits. Pls what's the best approach you'd recommend?
I used to stutter, not terribly, but noticably. One of my favourite techniques was that 'pregnant pause'. When I feel stuck for something to say, instead of using fillers, I would stop, pause, and collect my thoughts. And with it came the confidence I needed when talking to people.
The best way to gain confidence is get out there and talk to people, there is no substitute for interacting with people, don't waste your time on videos, go and interact with another human beings. If you don't your world will become smaller and smaller until you are the only one in it. Isolation from others is a curse, you were not created to be that way and you won't function well without interaction. Loneliness is your alternative.
Don’t cut off your sentence before finishing. It makes you seem weak and passive. Finish your sentence even if someone else is talking then address them non-aggressively if it was a first offense
You know the best way to seriously develop these skills is just work (or volunteer) part time somewhere it is your job interacting with people, overwhelming majority have difficulty talking to strangers and when you realize most people are just like you the you easily become comfortable being yourself in front of others.
I just always act like me. I'm a bit weird, I guess. But when people talk to me, they're getting the real me. It puts me in the right job and with the right friends 99% of the time. I don't have to be stressed about which me to be in each situation. People who aren't cool with that usually turn out to be bad for my life anyway.
Im going to practice some of the mentioned skills. Boss: Why are you so late, its almost 10am, you were supposed to be here for 9am. Me: I had severe diarrhoea and shat all over my floor at home, took forever to clean it up. Boss: Wtf man.
the eye contact one can be heavily dependant. People with forms of autism for instance will likely just not do it, or do it way less. Hell I will often look past someone or very often switch from eye contact to not because I can't stand having it for any more than a second a best
I have to agree. There is something about a person who can make a quick observation or just listen to conversation around them, and then they come up with a really cool question. I have never not got along with a person I met that way, and I try to be that question for others.
The last point makes me think a lot about it. "Stop telling little white lies even when it seems harmless" and "about why you're turning down the social invite." What if I'm just not comfortable with the person who invited me? Do I be truthful and say "Thanks for the invite but I think I'm not comfortable hanging out with you" or trying to find some other excuses which is equally difficult but not as damaging to the other party?
I use silence often and despise filler words. But I'm hearing impaired and don't have good eyesight so I tend to look at mouths or slightly to the side while trying to understand people. Once I get comfortable with someone's speech patterns, I tend to respond quickly and sharply without much thought of how it may affect their feelings, so taking the time to process first and responding slowly but ending statements with eye contact helps quite a bit.
This only applies when you're being interviewed. In a normal conversation, some people hurry to speak right away and even cut you off. For instance, I tend to use "um" or speak hurriedly because my arsehole boss always cuts me off i.e. "pausing" won't work for me and it won't make me "look confident" instead I won't be able to get my message across because the other person just wants to cut me off right away.
People listen to and remember their part of the conversation. It's like I never said a word, unless I am supposed to give them something. I don't talk very much, anymore, unless I have to and I always have to push to get a sense of understanding. I avoid phone calls. I'm Autistic and I am very literal and intellectual. There are thousands of us. We communicate differently. Everything that this video brought up, to "change, to improve", how others see you, is how our brains function. It is very hard for us to lie. Today, one out of 36 children born are Autistic. Due to Toxins, Synthetic Estrogens, and Endocrine Disruptors in our mothers, and the milk, water and meat and "food" and "medicines" we are fed. In 1970's one out of 2000 children had Autism. They say rates have increased because more are being diagnosed, now. The Medical Industry is monetizing us more than ever, especially young children, and putting us on toxic pharmaceuticals, to correct our social skills, so they can feel more comfortable around us, like we should have to fit in with them and their facades.
Hey it's good to know that you are aware of the true causes of your condition. So many people and "experts" are clueless about this spike in modern medical conditions. I used to have many autistic traits myself (helped by a plant based high carb/sugar diet growing up) but being forced into constant socialization just to survive (put simply) made me be less so. I had to fake it till I made it or else I'd be FUBAR. If you're not aware yet I recommend the book Estrogeneration. Look into low carb diets like keto as well to offset hormone imbalances. Good luck
Sorry to hear about your condition and the data you've shown. Someone appeared to have replied to this comment but it's hidden. I wonder what they have to say about this.
I knew exactly where it was going when you brought up liver king. I heard him talk about being rich in that video and I’m like “dude nobody wants to hear about how rich you are in an apology video” pretty sure the top comments dunk on him for that too
It is interesting to watch these videos as a socially competent extrovert because it makes you wonder how it came to be that you just naturally developed these habits
You likely has parents and caregivers that allowed you to be the person you are. Most “introverted” people are just people who did not and are traumatized by that. Here’s one of them answering.
When people talk tentatively, the way it is expressed in this video, I usually read it as someone who is thoughtful and really contemplating the words to choose. I think it adds weight to your words if you do it right. If you just seem unsure and nervous then, yeah I get why that is bad.
Liver king was addressing the idea that he had ripped people off with his dietary coaching. He was explaining that in essence he did not owe his wealth to the acquired fame, and the falsehoods he was spreading that extereme diet and extreme exercise were what he owed his physique to. His point was that he was wealthy before he started his journey as a muscle man celebrity and professional clown. What's odd is that he thought anybody took him at his word, or seriously in the first place, but then again kids do watch stuff like this and they're impressionable.
Cena has always come off as insecure to me. The “proper” or “game show” persona always wreaks of desperation to me. It’s not to be confused with being shy….if anything, they’re desperate to be in the public eye because they’re desperate for validation. I think it goes undetected by most, because the muscle and good looks are a distraction….and they know that, which is why they’re relentless at the gym even when it starts getting too big. Because they can’t handle peeling back any layers and being exposed. Same thing is happening with The Rock.
Have high standards for your own personal behaviour and keep those standards. Do not take on anyone else's standards , care for your own opinion of yourself first , dismiss any opinion that seeks to degarde your standards or to suffer an opinion from jealousy or envy .....compete only against yourself .
Help me convince my family to take your course together. Their main objection is that they want someone with “credentials” teaching the course. What should I say?
What Kristen was doing in that particular clip was what happened to Kevin Bacon in your later clip. She authentically and creatively was thinking of best example to answer a question she wasn't expecting, and she wanted to accurately, slowly choose the best example about the depth of the role she picked which also butted up against her deep purpose for taking the role. If you study her movement, she looks down and to (her) left. That is body language that is specifically connected to genuine care and thinking process. it doesn't make her look low class or low confidence. actually it is the opposite. she IS showing HUGE confidence by taking that space of not having a cookie cutter response in an interview. Though does also display lack of verbal clarity and assurance - out if context of interviewer line of questioning- ..but also EXACTLY same thing that happened in Kevin Bacon clip (he looks down and to the left at being unsure). She was taken off guard...but you are putting it in the low confidence zone because she is a woman and displaying things with a calm, low-key vocal tone. You clearly can't differentiate the difference due to your male privilege. (aka engrained sexism) the first date you showed is actually more what is what you mean...and a dude, which you don't want to acknowledge. In fact all of your examples of what confidence looks like are of men in their rooster stance, doing their ball spread on a seat that then purposely makes others have to work around the selfish act. As if a man needs that much space for their balls ever. I Wouldn't take your class in a million years because of your lack of psychological awareness and misogynistic mindset you have no idea you have.
People always say "It is a great question !" NOT because they do like your question. Instead, they are buying themselves few moments to think of what to answer. And the more they are at a loss of how to respond, the more enthusiastically they make it sound that your question is "Great". In this video, Mila Kunis has no idea of how to respond to the interviewer...note, how false she sounds, with her eyes opening way too wide.
Im going to give you guys some really good life advice..... Dont listen to that last piece of advice he gave you.... Once you go all in on being honest, you will fail at every turn and sabotage yourself.... Learn when its nessecary to Lie to progress your self but not at the expense of other and when its more productive to tell the truth for clarity...but once your honest all the time, you wont survive relationships, youll get fired from your jobs, and youll always come up with excuses why you failed in school and everywhere else.... litterally fake it till you make it lol and know WHEN to fake it... good luck
Wrt Jamie Fox, I think the reason why having a studio in is house isn’t a brag is not only is it relevant to the story but his works as a musician and singer were well documented during the early stage of his career when he doing stand up and later acting. Of course he has a studio in his house. What would be a weird brag is if Jerry Signfield casually dropped in an interview that he has a music studio in his home. He might, but it would be surprising.😂
The best person I have seen who can make a bad joke into a hilarious one is Conan O’brien. But the way he does it takes a lot of skill and practice and most people don’t have that. So ya, laughing it off would be best way for most people.
The women who say "confidence is the most important thing" are generally the ones who end up with narcissists who think they're much smarter than they actually are because they have a lot of "confidence".
I have to disagree on the being agreeable quality. This is totally context and content driven. I know people whose commanding quality is that they are agreeable. It's super impressive to watch how they can impress others, and win them over by simply agreeing with them. I have learned from them how to be more agreeable and been totally surprised by how well and easy it works and is never challenged. You'll have to readdress this one. It's not well elucidated.
Being agreeable is a trait of flying monkeys... those are the people who agree with narcissists.... then get manipulated into being their flying monkey... abusing others as a proxy for the narcissist.
