A lot of long form podcasts have both the uncut full version and cuts of the podcast. A creator could always post the uncut version, the edited version, and clips from the uncut version if they have the editors and resources. This opens up to more viewers who like different formats and posts 8 videos for every edited video he would normally post. Bigger demographic, more potential money earning, more view time, more hours of videos. Win, Win,, Win. I'd imagine at this point Ken could get another editor to work on this type of expansion. With his already fairly solid platform he'd only take a small cut in revenue for a short time then likely would see at least a small increase.
I feel really bad for this guy. I may be way off, but I feel like he could’ve been manipulated into leaving college and going back home to take care of his family. I hope he can get out of the situation and have the ability to live his own life soon.
Agree… it seems like food addiction is something that runs in his family and addiction is already so difficult to overcome when your immediate support systems are a part of the problem. The family “roles” may have never been explicitly said but a lifetime of conditioning that you’re the family caretaker makes sense to me why he FEELS like he HAS to go home. I’m sure he was given the “it’s only temporary” line
thats actually really possible, my mom for example, my grandma (her mom) died when she was like 12 yo, so she had to leave school to stay at home to clean, take care of the house and cook for her dad and brothers cause you know, different times and she was a woman, so it was her "job and obligation" at the time... her relationship with my granpa is great and she loves him a lot and he loves her, but her brothers dont apreciate the sacrifice she had to do for them... so i kind of understand this guy point of view, cause he had to drop school to help is family, he has a big heart for doing that with no regrets and i hope he gets to where he hopes to go and i wish him the best
As a parent, if my child had a full university scholarship, there is no way in HELL i would even LET them come home like that and lose their scholarship and dreams. Call me every night if you want, come visit when you can, but we will both keep pushing forward.
@@ChristionGirl45 totally! Just how they talk about parent/child relationships in their videos is very heart warming. I think they are both great dads.
The point Ken brought up about Isaac "having to take care of the family" is usually a sign of a dysfunctional family. We don't see the full story of what his dad does but whatever it is he's not stepping up when the mom was repeatedly ill. It's not the reason for Isaac's weight gain but it definitely builds that environment of stress to be the caretaker as a kid/teen (and he looks like he stress eats).
I was thinking the same thing, but I bet the dad works a couple of jobs just to feed everyone. It didn't look like some of the family could work at many jobs.
@@ness7342 100% agree and the fact that she irresponsibly had MORE kids when she couldn't look after him, makes me so mad. Kids that don't have the chance to be a child and learn life experiences, have a much lower chance of becoming well adjusted, normal adults. It's so sad. I don't give a damn what your traditions or heritage is, it's selfish and not right, plain and simple. This and forced, arranged marriages makes me feel sick. If you are in poor health, you are responsible for sorting out paid, ADULT carers, not manipulating and guilt tripping your innocent child into becoming your carer. So sad 😔
@@ness7342 she looks young too so she probably had them at a very young age. and in Mexican culture, usually when that happens, the grandparents end up raising them.
As a person that has Mexican family, it's for sure a heritage thing. My grandmother's side has the ideology that the children are supposed to drop everything and care for them because they cared for you and you owe them the life you grew up with. But my mother's side is Irish, American Indian, and English and her side believes children are supposed to go out on their own and start living the life they made better than their parents gave them. My father is being clung to by my grandmother because he's supposed to take care of her instead of his 2 children one born unable to walk and his wife who has many autoimmune disorder and is constantly sick. That's why our Mexican side basically ignores our family and shuns us because finally after more than 30 years my grandmother is retiring and moving to Florida with her sister so me and my parents and little sister can actually live a life without her and be independent. But the way she puts it is that we are kicking her out of "her house" (we pay all the bills, I'm the oldest child and am even helping pay the bills) and her Mexican family sees it that we are "abandoning" her and she's supposed to be family. (Not when she's embarrassed about my sister in public with her in a wheelchair and embarrassed about my tics from my Stress induced tourettes syndrome.) I'd rather her go live with her sister instead of constantly calling me and my sister fat and eating unhealthy. (I only eat one to two times a day because of her and I can't stop this habit because she's still here, I've tried.) And she's called me crazy because I have bipolar outbursts as well as telling my sister that "if only you would lose weight you would be pretty" (like are you fu*cking kidding me? Telling that to a child in a wheelchair that already has self image issues) TBH this guy on this show needs to get out while he still can because from first hand experience, this sh!t sucks.
Yes, it is like that in asian culture as well! I am so sorry you have to deal with that family dynamic. I was lucky enough to not have to have physical/mental impairments, but I have gotten the "you would be so pretty if you just lost weight" (I'm a normal weight, just shorter than average with unfortunate fat distribution) so much before. Always remember that you and your sister are loved and beautiful 💜
Maybe your family bro lol Texas hispanic must be a a different breed. Lol you got disowned if you didn't go to school or the military. And that's coming from experience LOL I was an ROTC kid, in a mostly Hispanic High School. The majority of my friends/family either left for school or to the military including myself. Others prison..
I'm from a Nigerian family who immigrated to America and it's definitely like this for me too. I realized in college that I binge eat due to stress from my family, which is why I gained so much weight in middle school and then my family makes it worse by always criticizing my weight and calling me ugly. and they get mad at me for wanting to move out right away so I can work on myself, even tho I'm still going above and beyond for my siblings still stuck at home. but they're mad cuz they expected me to stay at home and take care of them and the house until I get married
It's a cultural thing, as a Hispanic women. Especially as the first born, it's like a duty that's engrained in you to take care of the family or help your parents more than children are expected to do.
True. My grandma, as the oldest daughter, was expected and made to take care of her siblings, her sick grandma, the cooking, the cleaning of the family home, etc, and then her parents once they were older and sick. Thankfully she broke the cycle with her younger siblings, her children and grandchildren (with me being the oldest grandchild); she taught me to be independent and to learn how to make my own choices, so much so that she encouraged to leave Mexico and have my own life away from some of the toxicity that still remained within the family.
@@salilbhatnagar My family is Asian. In my family, in a house of eleven, my oldest cousins and aunt seem to do the most work. They refuse any help from me and my brothers. I don’t speak Russian, so we don’t communicate the best.
In Asian cultures, most children 'owe' their parents for raising and feeding them. Not saying he was forced this way... but it's still forced (psychologically)
yea this asian culture rlly sucks. Trying and struggling to support the fam while also saving something for myself for the future is really a hassle and mentally challenging. I'm just glad, i am still mentally stable, hopefully throughout the end 🥲
As a member of the Latino community, also being 1st generation American; it is expected that we (any children that come from the union) take care of the parents. It is a vicious cycle of dysfunction, but it is main function of a lack of understanding. Many people who come to American never wish to fully assimilate and learn of the country, so their minds remain back in their home country as the older generation regales about the beauty and freedom of the world they left behind. One of the most traumatic experiences is having a family member (in their 40s for example) come over (to a 9-11 year old child) with a letter in English demanding that it be read and explained to them in Spanish. Then being told of one's extreme level of uselessness when it cannot be understood.
As respectfully as humanly possible (I am a minority girl myself) I am genuinely curious: if they don't want to assimilate and learn about the country they are moving to, then why do they move countries? I completely understand there being more opportunities in the states and for some there is really no choice but to come to America, but if it is a choice, then why leave a country/culture that they consider to be beautiful and free? Again, I truly ask out of curiosity, I mean no offense and I apologize in advance if it comes across as such.
@@MistyEyedMuse Hi hi! First off let me say a few things. First, Latinos do not really care for political correctness. You are asking a question, in earnest, to understand us. Many times if you see a whole group of Latinos and you want to join in on our festivities we just enjoy the extra company. Our zest for life is unmatched (in our minds). Second, latinx is crap. As a Latino I will never accept the butchering of my language for sensibilities. Now onto the point. It is quite the odd situation truthfully. Yes, many come here for a better life, however, city living is an animal they are not too used too. Tall buildings, a lack of freedom are things that many of the older generation hold onto. Rose tinted glasses and nostalgia also play a part in this. Many people come here well into their adult hood where their lives have been formed by the simple living of the campos or rural areas. It is more of a situation where there is no place like home. This actually makes living in America a bit difficult because there are many things we do have disadvantages in. Which is why a lot of the disparities, when it comes to assimilating especially, are so prevalent. First generation Latinos in America are stuck with a difficult task of being Latino enough to help your family while being American enough to navigate the jungle of bureaucracy to succeed. Many times, we are only armed with our work ethic and that's it. More often than not 2nd generation Latinos are better off thanks to the previous generation understanding America. I know whenever I have children I am much more equipped to help them succeed. While the previous generation complains that their grandchildren are not Latino enough. Of course, this can change depending on the ethnic background of people. Mexicans are quite different than Puerto Ricans who are different from Dominicans who are different from Venezuelans. So while I do speak in general terms, not every family or group is the same. This was a bit longer than expected ^^;. But I hoped this helped a bit!
I get that there would be baggage from familial stress like this....but how fragile do you have to be that being unable to read a letter is one of the most traumatic experiences in that situation?
@@novaofthenorth There is a cultural expectation where the young take care of the old. And since many consider learning English to be too hard, they just dump the adult stress on a young child. Because what happens is that the parents expect a proper translation from English to Spanish when many children at that age barely understand either language. Then the bad mouthing comes when said child does not know.
When you started talking about the kids having to take of everything, even if their the oldest... that was literally my home life. I was the one who raised my siblings, got them up for school, got my mom up to take them (because I couldn't drive). I also had my mother who was emotionally dependent on me. MANY years of therapy followed and MANY more to come. You're 1000% correct.. the parents should be taking care of everything.. BECAUSE THEY'RE PARENTS. You never asked to be here, they made a conscious decision to have you. Point being, you take care of your kids. Your kids don't take care of you.
@Dee took forever to break the maternal instinct over my siblings. my mom knew how to hold them against me really well by not letting me see them unless she got what she wanted.
This may come off as harsh but this is why you must stay healthy for your children because his mother definitely held him back in life. she did not take care of herself and it breaks my heart. To receive a full scholarship to a college is a huge achievement.
I agree I wonder how much of that stroke was her poor eating habits which she definitely did to her kids. Mom never took care of herself or her children properly. My brother almost died as a child from also an allergy though they don’t actually know and my mom quit her job, and did everything in her power to keep us healthy including whole foods and nutrition. Junk food was banned from the house.
This is so heartbreaking to see. He seems like such a kind person. I hope he gets the help he needs. I was 370 until a year ago, due to thyroid disease and an unhealthy diet. Today I’m down 170lbs and my life has changed dramatically because I was fortunate enough to get the help I needed. I just really hope he’s going to be okay. ♥️
Sending hugs to everyone in the comments with crappy families. I’m sorry I can’t do more for y’all. Just know y’all deserve better and I hope things do get better for you🖤
Being the eldest child is a never ending cycle: at some point you realize you and the siblings won't be getting fed unless you do something about it, then your parents think that because the ~5 yr old learned how to microwave a poptart they don't have to worry abut dinner anymore (also for laundry, getting the kids dressed, changing them etc). So what do you do? Wait until the drunk guy on the couch grows a pair, or do it yourself so at least y'all eat SOMETHING? TL;DR I get this guys "do it for them" anxiety
I understand this! I had to grow up extremely quickly. I was doing the washing, making dinner, doing my sister's lunch box's, take her to school by the age of 12. I never had a childhood so I can understand were he's coming from
Breaking the hold of a manipulative, dysfunctional upbringing is extremely hard to do. My mom drilled into my head it was my responsibility to look after them because "that's what family is supposed to do." It took me until I was 22 years old and on my own to realize just how dysfunctional it was that I had to take care of everyone when I was so little and needed taken care of. It was dysfunctional for my brother to call me mom until he was 7/8 years old because I took care of him so often even when my mom was in the house. It was dysfunctional that at 17 years old I had three jobs, paying bills, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning etc. all while my mom lay on the couch unemployed. It's wrong to raise your kids with this mentality that it is their responsibility to take care of you just because you gave them the "gift" of life. I hope he is able to break through the manipulation and focus on himself, only then can he start to improve not only physically but emotionally. He has a lot on inner soul searching to do and a long overdue conversation with himself.
@@crappyaccount I've said the same, it never really felt like a gift but a curse. I once told my mom if it was such a gift why was I so miserable? Why did it hurt so bad? I had been struggling with my depression and intrusive, life ending thoughts and her response was it wasn't as bad as her childhood, that I had it better. Something her parents said to her. I'm not sure about other people's mentality but I can tell you my experience with my family, they never broke the cycle. Their parents did it to them whose parents did it to them and so on and so on. Even if they could recognize what they were doing was wrong and hurtful they still did it because it was easier to follow what they were taught than to take a chance on raising us differently. They were just repeating what was said to them. They turned out fine, right? It's a hard thing to break, especially when it's generational. I'm the first in my family against having kids. Everyone else had kids around 16/18. I'm the first in my family to recognize the dysfunction that is shared between us and I'm putting an end to it. Im going to figure out what this gift of life can really offer and walking away from that part of my life.
@Dee to a degree yes, I was able to get away and im doing soo much better especially mental health wise. Unfortunately i was only able to get away because our dad overdosed in 2019 and our mom passed from pneumonia in June 2022 after being paralyzed and in poor health after her overdose in 2020. I will never be able to really get "closure" I guess. I'll never get an apology either, but that's okay i don't need one. With time things will get better, the bad memories will be replaced with good ones and most of all they can no longer hurt or manipulate us.
Being from a family that at age 8 pulled me out of school to take care of my baby brother and sister I understand where this guy is coming from. I went on the opposite side of the spectrum how ever. After my brother killed him self I stopped eating and still have issues with weight gain. I do 100% agree parents should be parents and take care of their children but I've found that a lot of individuals have had this similar experience and I've noticed they turn to some habit to drain out the pain. ❤❤❤ So my heart goes out to this man. I do hope that this man distances him self from his family to better him self. He's had to sacrifice a lot for his family and they seem like they aren't fully helping him. 😔
I feel like food addiction is one of the harder addictions to overcome. I’m not speaking from experience, and I’m not saying any addiction is easy to overcome, but you have to eat every day. You can’t escape food, being hungry, seeing people around you eating foods you want. Especially as a person like him who’s based his life around food really. Giving up the only “comfort” in your life is beyond challenging. I wish him and anyone else struggling with this nothing but the best❤️
I can tell you, from experience, that a heroin addiction is way worse. So is alcohol, you can actually die from withdrawals from alcohol. Heroin feels like you are dying.
@@missshady1760 it’s different for everyone though. Alcohol addiction runs in my family, I’ve never had one. However, sometimes I feel like I have eating disorders. I feel hungry all the time or I starve myself, it’s hard to just have a normal diet. even if I’m eating healthy, which I normally do, I feel hungry still and end up eating too much sometimes.
I think all addictions are crippling. Food,hoarding, shopping, gambling, meth, heroin, fentanyl, anorexia, and on and on. One may not be an issue for you you can bet 2 game and walk away someone else will lose their life saving. It's an addiction.
my mom has 3 different auto immunes. They have taken a huge toll on her over the years. I've seen her heart stop 2 times, she has clinically died in front of me twice. She is going blind in her right eye. She struggles to do some of the most simple tasks sometimes just because she can barely walk without being in a huge amount of pain. Despite all of this and how badly it affects her, she dedicates her life to helping people. she's been a nurse for 20+ years (now in hospice work as a team builder) has been officially recognized by the redcross twice, spends her weekends doing charity work, and tries to smile and laugh through all of this while supporting me and my brother as much as she possibly can. whether that be financially if we need help, emotionally, etc. She is always struggling to even breathe like a normal person. and she dedicates her life to her family and helping people despite all of that. This guys mom has no excuse. My mom has never used her sickness to manipulate me. The only thing she's ever used it for is to show me how to be strong when everything seems hopeless. My dad is the same way with his own sickness and issues. My parents have never made excuses. THEY are the prime example of how to be a parent. I hope this guy is able to break free one day. He doesn't deserve to be manipulated.
man, sucks that happens. my mom also has chronic issues, and im so grateful that i didnt experience anything like this guy has. sending well wishes to your mother and father
How is he being manipulated? He CHOSE to come home from school. I’d rather spend time with my sick parent and do school online than be away while my family obviously needs me. It’s SO WEIRD to me that anyone would even consider anything else.
My parents were constantly at work so being the eldest, I took care of my siblings from the early mornings, getting them to school, breakfast, dressed, etc, even if I was late for school myself, picked them up, made them food, took and picked them up from karate. That was my life as a teenager so I never got to really make friends. I agree with the whole "siblings shouldn't be the parents" thing. It ruined my own adolescence, and I lost a lot of time because of it. Time I couldve been using to study, play sports, meet up with friends, etc.
Same exact situation happened to me. I got a scholarship for performing arts. My infant nephew was abandoned at our house. Mom forced me to sacrifice my education and entire life to raise the child "or else you're out of the family". Mom died in 2020 from cancer and my 9 siblings barely speak to each other or me. Now, I'm 37 with a terrible neurological condition.
@Dee I didn’t get cancer, but I ended up getting ulcers. (My parents are abusive and it def stresses me out) I def believe you are right that extreme stress negatively impacts health.
10 kids? That's irresponsible on its own, let alone when you don't look after them. I'm so sorry you had to go through this because of your other family members choices. I hope you're doing much better and I'm sure you are now that you're free! 💜
I have a dear friend, more like a sister who has parents who treat her like a worker. they basically claim that they had her so she could look after them. it's crazy to see the way some people few children.
@@lady-octopus731 well I hope things are better for you now. I'm sure you are a fantastic person ❤️ My friend hasn't graduated yet so she stays quiet for the most part. She worries is she speaks up or if I try to help she'll never be aloud around me. Which her parents would absolutely do.
@@sydch11 I appreciate your kind words and I cut ties with him a decade ago. It has been an uphill battle ever since I made the cut, but I'm happy I longer have to be exposed to his toxicity. And for your friend, I'm sorry. It is extremely tough cutting ties and not knowing how the aftermath is going to be, but once it's done, it's a feeling of relief and a new side of them that they didn't know existed 😊 sadly, my brother is still caught in the webbing of our dad's toxicity.
@@lady-octopus731 well I wish you and your brother the best of luck. I'm root for your brother! And for what it's worth my friend will always have a family in me as well as my parents. We love her.
My mother was adopted for that same reason, so she could care for the kids when the parents were away. It’s sick how people can ever think doing that to a kid is okay
Ken brings up a very interesting point, and I think other children of immigrants probably thought this too. Parents should be taking care of themselves but in a lot of non-Western families, children are had with the intention that they take care of their parents. I've had my mom tell me to my face that she didn't have me so I could go off and do my own thing, she had me so I could help her around the house. That conversation caused a big rift in our relationship because I feel that if she'd wanted someone simply to help her, she should have cloned herself or hired a maid. I am not her, I'm not domestic, and I'm never gonna be what she wants. I think some of the pressure to be at home and take care of his family in this video probably definitely came from the parents themselves and he just never figured out how to let go of that pressure whenever he got the chance to go to college. so as soon as it looked like there was trouble in the house, he felt obligated to sacrifice everything he wanted in order to make sure the family is fine. Another thing with non-Western families is that the family >>> the individual. which is hard. and growing up in a Western culture makes it even harder
I am so thankful that my grandparents (Mexican born and raised, and culturally proud) have always encouraged us to do our own thing. I feel so bad for this guy because many ethnic families expect you to drop everything and take care of your own. Not just Hispanics. Hopefully he losses the weight he needs and go on and live his own life! My grandparents had to bare that same burden. They were both sent to America when they were 12-15 years old to work and send their money to their families. They know that kind of life is miserable and they were able to break that generational curse later on in their lifetime.
12-15?! .....dude they literally sent them here for child labor whattttt. how did they even live and survive? thats not even legal age to work or rent a place to stay or anything. you're barely out of elementary at that age. plus not to mention all the disgusting people out there that would take advantage of kids left alone. im so baffled by this comment
@@crappyaccount it was legal at the time to drive from Mexico and stay six months with relatives and come back. It doesn’t make it right and you’re right it is baffling. Especially taking into account that my grandparents met, married, and started a family at 15.
Hearing ken and dane talk about the parents being parents just eased my mind. I just moved out a week ago at 18 and i have been battling feeling guilty for “abandoning” my family. I have always been the “third” parent in my family and so i worry. But in reality its not my job to be the parent and I deserve to live my own life. But I am almost thankful for the way I was raised because now at 18 I am responsible enough to move out and be on my own.
I actually started my weight loss journey almost a month ago. From working out everyday to fasting. Oh man, it changed my life. Now I see results and I'm amazed man. I hope that guy finds his way too.
@@spiwolf6998 I wish I could go to the gym but I never been so I am so anxious to try. So I do at home workouts that really helped me lose weight! And yes I do try to have a rest day, if not I do low impact workouts, as long as I sweat pretty good. Good luck to you! Let it be a fun journey!
There is some weird underlying psychological shenanigans going on, like the mum needs him to be larger than her so she doesn't feel as bad as she is not the fattest, or she can't bare to let him go. There is no excuse to be constantly be bringing fast food into the house. That dude isn't getting food on his own, every bit of food he consumes is been brought to him, so they just need to stop bringing him food, but they are not, and this is why I think his size is actually the goal.
His parents aren't even that old in my culture u take of ur parents wen they like 60+ or have a actual medical condition his parents taking advantage of his kindness
To both of you guys, to see you be so shocked at a child having to take over parental duties is a wonderful thing. I know so many people who raised their own siblings because the parents were absent. Simply being there for your kids is such an important but underrated thing these days, and this is one of the many qualities that make you both amazing dads. The world needs more people like you guys.
My mom went through a rough divorce and had a mental breakdown. She also had two strokes and could barely talk anymore. I became head of household at that point and took care of her, took care of all the bills, and took care of my little brother who was way too young to get a job. I was sixteen. Now, we are doing great and she is able to communicate as the doctor said she would! =)
Seeing people like this getting absolutely no help is so heart breaking. A "wake-up call" simply doesn't have the power to fix an eating disorder. Telling someone with bulimia that throwing up after every meal is dangerous won't get rid of their condition. They already know it's dangerous - they just *can't* stop. He needs professional help. I just hope he actually gets it, rather than being exploited by the producers of whatever show this is.
The show format is that they go see a doc in Texas who specializes in gastric bypass surgery on super morbidly obese people… he requires that they lose a bunch of weight before he will do the surgery, which gives them the hope and motivation to start their weight loss. So they do have some support but certainly the show could give them much more. Some succeed in losing a lot of weight, getting the surgery, losing even more weight, and keeping it off but, as you can imagine, many are not able to do it with the resources provided.
I was over weight at the age of 14... I was bullied by my family of course but I just couldn't stand how I looked and felt. So I went on a biet. Then from over weight I got a new body issue... I became under weight XD. Now I'm normal thank god and feel so much better 🙏 when I watch these videos I just reflect on myself.
After watching Ken’s videos, I ended up subscribing to discovery+ just to get more of the obesity shows… the “what are they up to now” spin off of 600 lb life is a lot less depressing, 600 lb life just shows what systemic poverty and inadequate understanding of - and lack of access to treatment for - trauma looks like. (Yay America). … BUT I lost 30 lb using the shows as motivation! Need to start rewatching them to try to get back into that mode.
@@goliathtigerfishes thanks!! I still have a ways to go and need to get back into that mode, it’s amazing how quickly I popped out of it and getting back in is hard! We have evolved to survive by storing extra calories, of course, especially women. Fingers crossed I can will my way back into loss mode.
The whole thing Ken went on about with having the kids, especially the eldest one having to take care of family matters is somewhat of a cultural thing. The mindset is very family focused in families from Central and South America. (Me being from El Salvador and having many Mexican friends that can confirm this) Everything that's done is done for the sake of the family, outside factors be damned. As the eldest child in my family I had to take the mantle of the family to show that "I care for my family". If a family emergency happens, it's all hands on deck. So I understand when the kid said they lost their scholarship when they had to leave to take care of their mom. I would have done the same, because either I stop everything and help my family or I'm out the family. When you don't help your family when they are in need, regardless of the case. It's seen as "betrayal" and "I don't care about them". You're then looked down upon by everyone and practically disowned. It's a toxic mindset that's really just manipulative when you see past the whole family aspect, but a mindset engrained in us regardless.
yeah, I think the Western mindset of valuing yourself just as much or if not more than your family is an outlier in cultural perceptions. I'm Nigerian and definitely had the same experience as you growing up. mine was different in that the boys in the family had less pressure on them, but I had to take on everything as the first born daughter. it's actually caused a rift in my relationship with my parents since I've realized how toxic and dysfunctional our family is
I studied statistics (among other things), and I wrote my thesis on the impact of race and generational wealth on the success of college students, and I will second what a lot of people are saying about Mexican culture. Some cultures, especially Asian, Black, and Latino put far more responsibility on their children to take care of their parents and family, which has been shown to have an impact on college success compared to their counterparts from different cultural backgrounds.
On the topic of responsibility, its actually very different depending on where you come from. Ken’s take on “parents taking care of everything and children living their own lives” is not universal. That sort of idea I hear a lot from westerners (U.S, Canada and western Europe). In other parts of the world it’s different though. In Southeast Asia, where I am from, the responsibility of the immediate family falls on the children, especially the first child or first son, when they get older. It’s the norm for children who just graduated high school/university to live with their parents for the first few years while starting their careers. It is also expected that you give some of your money to your parents/household. As the children get older, they may start moving out when they are more financially stable or get married and want to have their own households. It is however, also common for the child to continue living in their parent’s house and starting their own family there. Eventually they end up being the ones responsible for the house. For those with larger properties, you may see multiple family units in the same house/plot of land. The parents, when they get older, end up being taken care of by one of their children’s family. Be that having the children’s family unit move in as stated previously, or moving out into the child’s home. Again, commonly the first child or first male. So yeah, the idea of a son taking care of the family’s problem is not that strange. I am pretty sure this idea is also common in most parts of the world, including most of Asia, Africa and eastern Europe. I can only speak for Southeast Asia though.
💯on the culture thing. I'm Hispanic (Central American) raised in the Southern US. It's the same mindset, except I notice education is placed higher in Asian families. It's expected for the daughters of the family to take care of the family (oldest) and work, education is usually not seen as very important compared to work and family. They usually frown upon daughters living on their own and it's seen as selfish. That being said, I was resolute in getting my education AND helping my family as a labor of love. I got my Master's from a top university while working full-time, that job has helped us pay the mortgage, house updates, groceries, etc. Instead of paying rent to some stranger, I just rather invest my money w/bettering my family home. My mom got the kitchen she always wanted and I don't have to deal with rising rent and roommate issues.
Nigerian here, absolutely agree with both. I'm not 100% sure if more pressure is placed on the first born son, since my brother has always know he was going to be a priest and all the pressure was placed on me. a lot of the pressure in general is placed on the first-born daughters because they are seen as an extension of the mother of the house: they're supposed to take care of everything and take on the mom's responsibilities. I grew up with that expectation, but I also developed an eating disorder, anxiety, and depression from feeling isolated from friends I'd make ag school. my rebellious phase started whenever I got to college and saw that my normal wasn't everyone else's normal and started figuring out what I wanted for myself. my parents seem to think that I'm still in that phase, but I've really just reached the point where I don't care what they think of me and I'm trying to find what will make me happy in the long run
@@aquatiger8 So true, you have different cultures in your upbringing. I believe in taking the good from both and following the right mentality and norms for yourself. Americans may not understand it, neither Latin Americans, but I'm comfortable in my skin and when I sleep at night. It's hard when you are on a tightrope between different cultures, but it helps you find your true self faster.
It’s actually abusive. Designed to maintain control over the children. Children don’t make a choice to be born, parents CHOOSE to have children, the child does not owe the parent anything. Often there is no concern about how this affects the child and the psychological effect is always negative. I think part of why the west no longer has this system of looking after their parents is because they have a stronger infrastructure on a societal level to help older people. They have strong state pensions, better healthcare support that is easily accessible (often free) and the whole system of supported living and care homes which can often be funded by the state if the older individual cannot afford it. ALL older people are cared for, not just those that pumped out kids who they managed to keep around to become future carers and ATM’s. And before someone asks, no I am not American.
I'm Mexican and very happy my mom let us do our own thing. Dad inherited that kind of mentality like this family but mom broke the cycle letting us live life and be ourselves .
I relate to him. Experiencing my mom getting sick from a young age I feel like it’s my job to take care of her so I sacrifice my own happiness so I won’t feel guilty if anything happens to my mom. I guess it’s different when you are there hearing you mom vomiting and crying you try to do whatever you can to make their life’s easier even at the expense of your own happiness. 😥 The hardest part for me is financial part. Work hard to try to get somewhere but all of the money you get goes to them.
Parentified older sibling here. Primarily raised by my single mom, she was either constantly working or dating/going out, so I had to take care of my half siblings on her side most of time. Even when my mom was home, I was forced to take care of them. What friends I had tried to make stopped inviting me to stuff, what privacy I had was taken away if I wanted it (long story short, I went from having a bedroom door, to a door with no doorknob, to no door at all, cause I wanted privacy every once in a while), and what escapisms I had at the time were always threatened to be taken away over the forced obligation of spending my time taking care of them. Things got worse when we had to take in my grandma, whose health was declining, and I had to help take care of her, too for a while. When my mental health spiraled and I started to get anxiety attacks, my dad didn't speak up about it and mom never believed me or any therapists. So, I stress ate, gained weight (which I was bullied at school and home for), started heavily disassociating, and constantly tried to have music in my ears- stuff that I'm still dealing with today. It got to the point where some of the best moments of my life during then is when I was isolated or by myself in some way. When I got booted out of the house at 16 and lived with my dad, I was promised that things were gonna be different living with him and my other siblings...Nope! I love my siblings so much, but during that time a bit of resentment started to grow, and when I realized that, that's when I really realized that what was happening was NOT okay. After I went out into the world, my siblings on my dad's side got EXTREMELY lucky. Stepmom split with my dad, became a lot more attentive to them, they have a huge, supportive family on her side (and a stepdad who I've never met, but have been told is a HUGE upgrade), and they're both doing great. Unfortunately, my siblings on my mom's side couldn't say the same. But they were smart, and got out of there much earlier than I could. Now they're living their lives as best they can, going to therapy and taking care of themselves. I'm proud of them, but I wish they didn't have to go through that, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone else. There's a fine line between having some responsibilities as an older sibling and being forced to care for your siblings constantly because "That's what family does" "That's why you're here" and "You've got no say in the matter or (insert threat) will happen", and it's an absolute shame to see/hear so many stories of that line being crossed.
As someone who is in the process of losing weight, it is quite tough. I was never super heavy, at the height of 5' 8" I have reached a max at 220lb. But I was struggling with health issues, heart problems and shortness of breath. For the past 3 months I've lost like 40lb which isn't much, but I feel a lot freer in my mobility, I don't feel like eating too much either. The worst part was to adapt to eating a lot less. Because I got hungry at night and that's when I chowed down the most. And training myself into thinking I'm not hungry helped a lot. Now I feel full in half the amount I used to eat during the day. So it's all about adapting to a new lifestyle.
As someone with parents who basically gave up parenting a few years ago, after being unstable before, I totally understand how he feels. Cause as the oldest, I felt it was my job to take care of my siblings, over anything else. Including school. Or otherwise it was this feeling of guilt/being guilt-tripped came over as they didnt have anyone else to rely on. And that I was needed for them to live peacefully, keeping the normal. Like, his probably, his parents were there, but they weren't there in a way that was actually useful. As in getting groceries, making food, helping with homework, making sure they are mentally ok, etc. Like the parents still supply the money for food and living at home. But it is important to know, as I have learned through time and therapy, it is not my job to be the parent. And my siblings have to be let to their own devices, and I can be still their older sibling, just without the parenting aspect.
As someone who is half latina, it is definitely a cultural thing for parents to expect their kids and family to help them out when they need that help. This doesn't mean all latino families are extremely abusive, BUT abusive parents within latino culture will definitely take advantage of that cultural expectation. I had an abusive mom who definitely took advantage of this and only had kids so she could be taken care of
I feel bad for this dude on some level. I get what it's like to put your life on hold to take care of a sick family member. I had to do that when both my parents ended up with cancer and my dad had COPD on top of that. We didn't have the money to get either of them the full-time help they needed so I took care of both of them, It's why I didn't get my BFA till I was 25. I also understand going to comfort food when you're so depressed and dealing with a never-ending slog of doctors appointments, helping to dress, helping them to get clean, reflecting oxygen tanks, keeping a job, and on top of all of that trying to make everything work financially because in America the health care is nonexistent if you're just above the poverty line. There are things they could do to make changes but we have to face the fact that there are some systemic issues making all of this worse.
I deal with a lot of guilt too just for living my life. I went back to college instead of helping family. They said I should have stayed to help out when there’s literally 4 other family members right there that could do it. I finally asked hey like why am I the only one? I really don’t understand how my $10 an hour salary was helping anyways lol
To address the memory thing. Some people do have very early memories. I very clearly remember having scarlet fever and croup around 4. Probably because it was so traumatic, but I also remember falling down a set of brick stairs when I was about 5 or 6 and had to have my jaw wired shut for a time (I was a clumsy child that didn't listen well). It caused me to be a very picky eater as I grew up and I eventually became anorexic. Most food problems are emotionally and/or mentally charged. Just my 2 cents. 🤷♀️
I went through something similar when I was the same age. Except it was tonsillitis, which I HAD to get. Ironically enough I'm pretty sure that and my parents bad parenting resulted in me struggling to eat like a normal person. :-)
@@bakedbaker9882 I'm so sorry that your trauma was more focused on your parents. That breaks my heart. I hope you have been able to work passed that now. I wish you all the best
Those parents are feeders. They are blissfully unaware that their son is in the caretaker role and that they ‘need’ him. They don’t acknowledge it because they do not know how to. That would make them dependent and also terrible parents. Time to look in the mirror, mom/dad/siblings
Although he is responsible for his actions now, it makes me so upset that as a kid his mom allowed him to make such terrible eating choices and allowed him to become unhealthy as a child. At that point, it was completely in her control what and how much he ate and apparently she let him run free and that's sad
I have binge eating issues and a trick I try to remember to do is look at the time when I ate. Then if I feel hungry I can be like "no. I just at 30min ago. I know I don't need the food right now.". But that doesn't even come into mind if there are emotions running high.
You guys really are so relatiable,, ive always been picky so i have always eaten the same exact stuff, but when covid hit i smoked ALOT of weed and my job was shut down so i literally just smoked and ate the whole entire 2 years until my unemployement ran out. I developed a really bad drinking habit and just kept stufffng my face.. im 4'11 and i weight 180 right now, i got all the way up to 200 lbs when my fiance was alive, he died last year of cancer.. we both used food as our escape. since hes been gone i lost 20 lbs in the past 5 months which is actually really good. but food is defintley my emotional support since i no longer drink or smoke weed anymore.... its been a massive struggle i love watching my 600 lb life because i always feel like doctor now is talking to me. I love your guys videos ive been a fan for along long time. thank you guys.
Feeling obligated (or forced) to help when there's a family crisis is a real thing. 😬 As a younger person I definitely had to learn from a situation like that when my mom became a paraplegic. I definitely can understand that. Even though he didn't "have to" he probably felt like he had to come home for his mom.
Yes! That's what I went through too, and I'm half Alaskan-Native half white. Straight up had Mom tell me that Im supposed to care for her and dad when they get too old. And now they wonder why I'm unemployed and am too scared to do anything anymore. Edit: Both sides have A LOT of trauma issues, including addiction.
Hi! As someone who grew up with a sick parent and it affected school-there are tons of barriers to treatment. My gma needed me to drive her to and from appointments, help with scheduling phone calls, manage medication and food etc. so when someone says they “need” to be there, it might not be that they physically need to but there’s is a physical and emotional weight that comes with it. When I went to school I literally couldn’t focus bc I was so worried about her and then she guilted me for being at school. Wanted to give you another perspective .
I love bold chex mix so seeing him sitting there eating that now has made me self conscious lol and he's picking them up one by one. I be getting a handful 🤣
That comment from Ken really hit close, My family raise me with the tougth of "you have to take care of your sister" BS. I just wanna live my own live.
If he was going into cardiac arrest, no, he wouldn't have been able to talk to his siblings. I went into cardiac arrest (a heart attack) at 38 yrs old. I died 3 times in the ER and 3 times in the cath lab. They had to keep resuscitating me with CPR and the paddle things. I knew what was happening and tried getting the drs and nurses to allow at least 1 of my adult kids or sisters back to talk to them and they wouldn't allow it until I was stable and in the ICU.
i think it depends or maybe my co worker was a rare case because he had a heart attack but didn't realize it (He was acting normal, only complaining about his chest feeling weird) until his wife took him to the clinic
goddamn lady 6 deaths? where's guinness book of world records when you need them cause DAMN glad you're okay now at least....i think the paddle things are called defibrillators
“You have parents, they should be taking care of everything” you are 10000000% correct but unfortunately a lot of parents think their children need to “work” to have necessities like food water clothes and a place to live. Or like me they use them as babysitters for the younger children whenever they need. There were so many times I couldn’t go hangout with friends or enjoy my weekend or even just sleep cause I was forced to watch my siblings. All I know is I will never do this to my children.
Kan advices really hit home for me. I come from a African family and back home the oldest is expecting to take care of the family. Since my dad passed away I’m the one supporting my mom and little sister financially. It sucks because I’m only 23 and already struggling myself, but have to worry about them. Everyone back home thinks America equals enjoyment and money. Haven’t no idea that most people here have it just as bad
I have a friend whose mum is like that. She's sick and can barely move, and that's terrible, but she and his dad are always putting pressure on my friend to take care of them, and it's toxic. He managed to move out once but after a terrible flood had to move back in, and he's still there. He's 24.
I feel for him. Because I was in a similar situation. My dad got diagnosed with non alcoholic cirrhosis of the liver, because of his medications he was on for his arthritis, which was weight induced my dad's heaviest was close to 700 lbs, he didn't give a shit didn't try to loose weight, well he went on those diet pills they advertise on TV, but he didn't like exercise and still ate two large big Mac meals with two large diet cokes..when he got diagnosed, he had to have a shunt put in his liver to keep it functioning, there's a lot of stuff that I won't go into that was happening to him, but, after the surgery the doctors told him to get up and walk. He didn't, said it hurt too much, and he wouldn't take his meds because he didn't like side effects. All of this while I was in college for my dream, cosmetology, I wanted to go into special effects make up for movies. I would get calls in the middle of class to come home to bring him food, to cook him, to get him water even. And because of some stuff that happened when I first moved in with him, he threatened me with jail, he said if I didn't come home he'd tell the cops my car was stolen, my car was in his name, so like I had to drop out to wait on him hand and foot. Not long after that he was in and out of rehabs and hospitals, and comas, so I had no choice to go back because I then had to take care of my grandparents, who were like in their 80s. My dad eventually passed in December 2014, after being in a coma for a couple months, he did loose weight, he woke up from it, and like a week and half later died because of basically a heart attack in his intestines, which blew and caused him to bleed out. After that I still couldn't go back to school because of my grandparents, and by the time they both passed, my grandpa in 2016, my grandma in 2018, I was over 300lbs in my 20s because I stress ate, and didn't eat healthy because it was just easier to go get McDonald's or pizza when my grandparents wanted something. I lost 100lbs in a year after my grandma died because I damn near went broke with money, so that was like a saving grace I guess. I'm still a chunky girl but like I'm no where near that. So I totally get this guy. He has to take care of his family, and just by no one going with him to a life changing Dr appointment, sounds like they forced him, maybe his siblings are pieces of shit. Who knows. I hope he got his surgery, I might look up his episode, and I hope he's doing okay.
I am the middle child, when my parents started to lack, I took over as caregiver for my younger and older brother. I woke them both up for school and made sure they ate something. I became a parental figure for my younger brother, my older brother got away from our family dynamic. Now that my younger brother is capable to purchasing and caring for himself, I feel as though I'm failing him when in reality, he's growing up. That feeling sucks, man. It's consuming and difficult to push past.
my sister got diagnosed with stage 2 lymphedema last month and it was one of the most shocking things i’ve ever heard. we had to wait in the emergency room for almost six hours before they took her in and well… the news wasn’t the best. all i can do now is hope she pulls through and is here long enough to make memories that i won’t ever forget :)
It’s sad that the oldest usually does take the responsibility of their other siblings and parents. As an expecting mother I could never imagine robbing my child of their childhood/life to take care of me, the house or their siblings. That’s my responsibility to take care of them and the house, no one else’s.
As the oldest sibling, I am so happy to hear and know that Ken (& Dane) wouldn't expose his children to being the third parent to everyone. That was essentially my job and my mom somehow doesn't realize it like 10 yrs later. I do not want children of my own, ever. I was a mom already for over a decade of my life and I am exhausted.
I agree about the kids taking care of parents thing, Ken. It shouldn't be a thing unless the parents are severely sick, or something in that kind of similar situation. I had a friend where she had to take care of her obese mom, her siblings where one had autism and the other had downs syndrome, and her dad worked his ass off to provide for the family. As soon as the mom lost the weight, my friend still had to "take care" of her mom and the siblings. But after my friend found a boyfriend and moved out, the mom changed where she began to get more active and help the family out more. Every time my friend would visit them, the mom would force her to do their chores.
I started taking care of my 3 siblings and the household when I was about 10 years old. Started working when I was 12- part time obviously. My parents were toxic for each other and to themselves, drank a lot and we didn’t have much money for things. Food pantries, getting evicted multiple times, having to change schools and districts, and living in a hotel. It really hit me hard when you said “it doesn’t matter if you’re the oldest, your parents should be doing that”. I know how much you love your kids and I’m sure you would never put your child in that position but it happens so terribly often.
I totally understand this poor guy giving up his own future to take care of family. Sometimes you feel like you have to, I started being a caregiver at the age of 14. Like I gave up on everything I wanted, to take care of my grandparents... I've basically done nothing in my 20s, no job, no relationships, I can't go on vacation or even spend an afternoon with my friends without planning a month ahead for someone else in the family to help me so I can and even then I feel guilty about taking that time for myself. I gained a lot of weight too, thankfully I caught myself and lost the weight (still want to lose 20 more) but like I understand how this could affect someone like this.
I grew up with my Dad being sick most of my life. He lost his mobility and ability to take care of himself as the cancer progressed, but my parents never wanted me to feel like I needed to take care of them. They let me live my own life, and did not expect for me to drop everything. My dad had brain cancer for 16 years, when his technical life expectancy after diagnosis was only 6 months. I helped out where I could but I am grateful that I was able live my own life. No matter how much a parent can guilt trip you, remember that you gotta look out for you first. Even people who's parents were like mine in situations like this tend to guilt trip themselves into thinking that it selfish to go after their own lives. It is definately a hard situation to be in and I feel for this family. Hopefully they will be able to recover from this and learn how to move forward towards bettering themselves.
I hate this idea that he HAD to do this for his mom but he has other family members that could of stepped in. How messed up that no one stepped up knowing he had an great opportunity. It’s so toxic when kids have to be the parents because the parent is sick or not present. I know he feels it’s his job tho at this point.
Ok I have to say this (I haven't finished the video yet but they're killing me). It's not an excuse he's making so he can just stay home and eat. I've been in that same spot (not the weight part) where you basically have to become the parent of the family. Where your parent is putting that responsibility on your shoulders and basically calling you selfish if you don't help. He felt like he had to, who else was going to take care of his family? Also his mom/other family members also probably made him feel like he had to. I dont understand why people act like this is something someone in this situation can just say no to. Its not something you can just push aside and say "no, I'm not gonna stop what I'm doing and go take care of my family" because you feel this sense of responsibility, even if its not your responsibility. Just from what I've seen in this video he looks so depressed, and him not being able to live his own life, having to stay at home and care for the family, isn't helping. No it's not the only or direct source of his weight gain, but it's not helping his depression or his eating habits and it just makes it that much harder to crawl out of the hole he's in. I feel so bad for him, his other family members NEED to step up and help out with the mom so he can go back to college and so he can finaly take control of his life.
My agreement with my parents is since they've done so much for me in my lifetime. Raised me to be a responsible functioning adult that has many skills thanks to my dad always putting effort in learning essential skills that men should know and also how to handle situations in a calm controlled manager since he was a Sgt major in the army. Then my mom taught me how to be respectful towards women, compassion and empathy towards others and how to cook clean and take care of myself. So I told them whenever they get to the point they can't handle everything themselves anymore I will be there to do whatever I can to help them and take care of them. Personally I feel like its a debt owed to my parents. They sacrificed so much for me that when the time comes I'll sacrifice my time to help them.
This hit so close to home. I was my mom’s caregiver by age 19. I wasn’t able to go to college like I had wanted and am not able to move out or follow my dreams because she can’t do anything without me. It’s honestly so heavy and I wish I could change it. I’m the youngest out of all my siblings and my dad is still alive but the burden was pushed on me.
Definitely the parents fault that he was that overweight as a child. Now that he is an adult he needs to do what is best for himself. A lifetime of bad habits is very hard to overcome. He needs counseling - this is an addiction just as bad as drug use.
This is definitely a result of dysfunctional family dynamic and yes as Ken said ''kids shouldn't be seen as little workers'' and yet in many cultures, parents have kids for that very reason, to take care of them and even being seen as an 'investment' and having to ''repay their parents'' when they get older. I can feel for the guy from personal experience and I too had a very bad relationship with food and did binge eating for years as a source of comfort. My heart goes out to him and anyone else who had to experience being parentified by the people who were supposed to be taking care of you. Turns out i'm not ''mature for my age'', I was traumatized and dissociated. Please seek help and allow yourself to play more and live out the childhood you were deprived of. I hope you heal from this ❤
I was a child like that. No sweets, no pork, limited meat, 70% of meals was veg and salad, no chrisps, no cake etc etc etc. I'm still slim and am used to the feeling of being hungry so most of the time I don't eat. And if I do, I gravitate to junk. I'm so trying to gain weight and eat bigger and healthy meals more often but it's so hard to eat in the first place. So for me it's the other way around
@@strivingtoonedaybeuseful6049 you were lucky. I work with kids and I 99% of the student I had that had food restrictions as babies/toddlers get overweight by 10-12 yo.
When I watch things like this I realize what a healthy family dynamic I have and grew up with. No matter how quirky, silly or nerdy my family can be we are extremely good at supporting eachother and being there for eachother also while keeping healthy boundaries. I'm sorry that some of you had to grow up into families that didn't encourage you to discover who you are and to grow. Remember you are a person with valid thoughts and feelings and if you need to distance yourself from an unhealthy relationship it IS hard but do it for your own well-being because you do matter.
I feel bad for him. I'm a big girl ( not that big)...and there are a lot of underlying trauma issues ppl don't understand about weight. Fast food is the worst. I dropped that then saw a therapist. It helps. I pray for him.
I felt so bad for this dude watching this, his family does not care for his health one bit, they bring him the worst posible food and take him to mc donalds to eat more after he already ate a shit ton of pizza, I do 100% belive he dropped college because he was presured into it most likely by his dad. I hope Isaac gets some real help real soon, he's way too young to have theese many health issues.
I feel bad for him when it comes to feeling like you have to help take care of your family, especially younger siblings. I had a brother who’s 5 years younger than me but then when I was a teenager my mom had 3 more kids. So I was a lot older than the youngest 3. Now I’m 30 with a 17 year old brother, 15 year old sister, and 12 year old sister. In middle school and high school I had to babysit and help take care of them all of the time. Unfortunately, my teenage years consisted of helping with them before getting to do fun teenage things. It does mess with you as a kid. And I think it’s messed with my relationships with them in a way because I wasn’t just a sister all these years. I’m glad they at least get to just be kids. It’s very important.
Unfortunately many parents rely on their children to look after them, giving them adult responsibilities and pressure. I have no doubt that him eating himself into a coma was a form of trying to escape that. He was never given a chance to emotionally develop and be healthy. His parents failed him and it's very sad
i am really thankful that my husband and i do our best to acknowledge what are toxic traits from both our cultures (he is Filipino immigrant im white American) and try to not bring those aspects of our cultures into how we raise our kids. everyone with family dynamics that just cause pain??? mom hug for you all. i really hope we're all able to continue to find the strength to heal and stop passing on generational pain cause of "tradition"
Definitely a piece of Hispanic families; inexperience it myself as the oldest all the time. The instilled guilt and sense of responsibility for your siblings is extremely strong.
I feel this. Something that helps me during diets is saving at least one day, ONE cheat day, for whatever I want to eat. It usually takes the edge off and if it doesn't work I eat a healthier or smaller dessert at the end of the day.
@@luny_18 lost 100lbs in 10 months last year and then took some time off to recover and focus on healthier habits but now im back on that grind down to about 19%bf at 196 6 weeks in and it's not horrible just missing being able to eat more food
