First of all: Thank you for this very important message. Second of all: This screams for a part two. The actual steps you took to muster up the energy courage stamina resilience and whatever you encountered when fighting yourself a way back to real life. I am almost 50 and only gotten worse with maladaptive daydreaming and my discontentment with real life has gotten as problematic as you stated: social skills, isolating, hypercritical, and I try to push through but it leaves me feeling depleted for the amount of effort it takes me for what looks like/feels like very little payoff (if any). So ... Staying on this road paints a picture of a bitter old lonely cat woman I am determined NOT to become, on the other hand, HOW?? I find the reality of daily life so incredibly not fulfilling, it feels like doing time. Looking forward to all your future video's on this topic! ✌️
A part two would be really good. Until then, might I suggest exercise as a starting point? Any exercise that you might like, whether alone or in a group: long walks, running, swimming, whatever. The important thing is not which exercise, but that you like it enough to do it. My exercise is also self-defense: Jujutsu. I was 48 when I started and am now 62 and am still at it - so don't tell yourself you're too old. And if you don't feel like it on some particular day, tell yourself "just 5 minutes". If after 5 minutes you don't want to continue, then don't. But often it is like snacking: a little bit and suddenly you want more.
@@wh44 Great way to put it, exercise is wonderful. Starting small & giving 1% is always better than nothing, even if you gave more yesterday. It’s all about not falling back to 0% for a consistent period. You have a good mindset friend, keep it up
@@wh44 Thank you for your comment, funny thing is I always advise exercising to people who feel low, and like life is passing them by with them being more like an onlooker than a participant. The thing is, I already exercise most days of the week, HIIT and training for a half marathon and taking cold showers (Wim Hof method) and the list goes on of all the things I do to "heal". THAT is what I meant with little pay off for so much effort. All my resources are going towards "healing"/ "getting a life", but as I said, feels like doing time and does not make me feel anymore connected / feel a sense of community (you can work out together for years but you don't get quality one on one bond building, this goes for any group activity really, it helps with a certain type of loneliness, but not the existential type) ✌️
@@evadebruijn If your exercise feels like a burden, try something else. The best exercise in the world won't help if it drains your motivation so that you stop. If you want to socialize in your sport and you're not getting that, then try a sport where you can socialize. Half my social circle is now "Jiukas" (Jujutsu practitioners). If you do want to try a martial art or similar, ask if you can observe or even try out before joining - if you cannot, that's a red flag. If it's all young men, that's also a red flag: such groups tend to be more competitive, less social, and less helpful. Be sure the trainer treats everyone with respect.
I am 56, I have been using this for most of my life. I have never thought of it in the way you have explained it, nor have I ever heard a mental health professional talk about it. This will be a hard habit to change for me 😢
I'm 54. I've spent most of my life being, what I call, "in my head" I never thought of it as a fantasy world. This is probably why I have nothing in real life.
Yes I made the realization this year that I needed to stop living on the internet. I feel the difference, but it’s not fun working on social skills. I dread events
Thank you for this video! I had a terrible childhood, where I felt so unloved, helpless, hopeless, neglected and abused. The pains were too great for my child brain, that it did find a brilliant and least self-destructive way to survive: fantasy escapism(books, movies and video games). Thanks to my coping mechanism, I never took drugs nor ever got involved with the criminal youths in my neighborhood. But that same mechanism is now so maladaptive, because I'm an adult with much more responsibilities. I can't afford to neglect my real life. You are right about every points. Yes I do feel more depressed whenever I've been too long in my fantasy, and having to get back to real life. Love your contents, sir!
Anyone else feel like social media perpetuates these fantasy worlds? Social Media really makes us lose grip on reality, and want to escape the life right in front of us. All the comparisons, expectations, and overloads of information we absorb bring us father and farther away. Gotta get back to reality.
Especially when every available legal option to keep us engaged is put to use and we get to live in parallel realities where the us and them do not talk to each other anymore but only talk about eachother which can't ever lead to a constructive outcome when there's issues. Maybe the next war should not be on drugs but on everything that messes with our brains and nervous systems especially the dopamin reward system. Take the power back! Great moment to log off RU-vid and go do something else 👍😄🙏
If not for my fantasy (or fantasies), I'd have nothing. Nothing. I'm getting old, and I found myself going to fantasies more and more the older I got. Reality has always hurt too much.
I used to spend a lot of time fantasizing as a child and young adult, especially when I was suffering from a painful untreated illness. I had this elaborate daydream that involved all my friends and all my favorite fictional characters and music, and I'd spend hours pacing and imagining it. I think in my case it wasn't entirely maladaptive-- I'm autistic and it seemed to help me process my emotions about my friends. Bu I think it was also a shitty outlet for my desire to tell stories and explore narrative techniques. Eventually I got serious about my writing again and I haven't felt the need to go back to those fantasies since then. For a while, I thought I was completely done fantasizing, but eventually I figured out I was still using limerence and fantasies about the future to escape-- still not as often as I did when I had the fantasy daydream story, but enough to crush me when reality didn't turn out the way I wanted. With those kinds of daydreams (especially ones about the future) I could never stand to just sit around and think about it--I felt (and still feel) a strong need to try to make it reality. These days, I treat daydreams as signs that point me toward things I might be missing in life. If I'm daydreaming about being in a band, that probably means I miss spending time with music. If I'm daydreaming about moving to rural Europe and hiking for weeks at a time, I'm probably frustrated that not getting enough solitude in nature. If I'm starting to feel limerent toward someone who seems to idealize me, maybe I'm trying to make up for my internalized shame.
You can get by pretty well in my rural country of Bulgaria, especially if you have income streams from your place. Rural houses are so cheap they are almost for free, after some renovation you can grow your food. It's lush like Naboo.
As someone who's battled for years with nearly destroying my life through escapism and gaming (especially MMOs), I thank you for this. It's given me a lot to think about as I work to rebuild a real life again. It has become so common, sadly. I'd love to see a part two! A huge thank you goes out to you for putting out such relatable content!
Most creative people are prone to having fantasy. But I think the best/ most cathartic works of fiction have a maturity and immersiveness that comes from real experience. If anything, it is the interest in and love of other people that craft meaningful characters. I really urge fellow artists out there to just go out even if it might be painful sometimes, because growth is beautiful.
I found that all of those law of attraction/assumption/manifestation related beliefs and behaviors contribute in exacerbating this problem when at the end of the day as you mentioned it's about not reinforcing the cognitive deficit already in place.
I very much relate and also call for a part 2!!! Daydreaming heavily each day since feeling trapped during childhood emotional abuse, with much fantasy interaction. Realized my seemingly inescapable internet addiction/escapism this year is another extension of that and determined to start working to break free.
I wonder if there is a way to spend a healthy amount of time in a fantasy world of your own creation when you’re a writer who creates fantasy worlds? I can see how it makes my life harder sometimes but without that creative expression I wouldn’t be living my life to the fullest.
My mother literally taught me how to dissociate and escape into fantasy when I was 5yo. Not an exaggeration, not a euphemism. Sat my-5yo-self down and gave me detailed instructions.
I’ve gone down too many rabbit holes. Finding the truth that I don’t necessarily need must be my escape. I’m barely working. Found mold in the home removed. I’m in a constant anxiety now and have a fungal infection. Can’t even barely answer the phone. Then I stress about money. Not taking care of myself, feeling stuck and burnt out. People used to be drawn to me and now I don’t even want to be around me. I know I can heal but don’t stick to what I should be doing. I want my spark back but for once I want something easy. Thank you this resonated with me.
I guess even if you're just wishing that people were different than they are or the world was different than it is, would you fall into this fantasy world idea? I've never been addicted to video games, anime, or anything like that, but just being isolated and wishing things were different in relationships and the world tends to come up often. I'm trying some of your techniques for depression/anxiety. So far, they are helpful. I made myself go to the family gathering yesterday and actually had a decent time. Thanks, Dr. Scott.🙂
This is my experience as well. Magical thinking. Wishing the world would be different, more accepting of autism and disabilities. It involves a grieving process. I almost feel like I have a complete block or resistance to fantasy world, having very little imagination and inability to visualize (aphantasia).
This is huge: I made myself go to the family gathering and actually had a decent time These successes need to be celebrated for the lived experience is the only sustainable incentive to stay on track, so here's to you 💪🥳👍‼️
To the 50yr old Afraid of being a cat lady /not a bad thing to help homeless cats, IT can be so rewarding. It an be a challenge at times, u Always have a reason to get out of bed bed.
THIS has impacted me and all of us who have perhaps lived under that heavy rock and we felt “alone”, yet normal to live that “way”. I, with a ton more viewers, highly suggest to continue on this topic. The last two minutes while obscure to find “methods”, it is something I am dealing with as I go thru a divorce. This comes from a true sense of feeling: the day or moments you realize imagination didn’t work SUCKS to no end. But the days/weeks after those two days have been awesome, if that is even allowed to describe by. I am NOT even close to being “me”, but reading books, exercise, saying “no”, has helped. Whatever any of us does to stop this “addiction”, I wish you all success, from my sincere side. Doctor, please I beg you kindly to consider more in depth on this topic. You are a hero by bringing this out. I feel shame I have lived that way, but to hell with that addiction. Thanks, jcd
Great research right here. This is such an important topic that completely gets ignored. I'm just amazed you didn't specifically mention adult content. That's a huuge issue with modern relationships. It's so very sad.
This explains why the movie trope of a person getting hypnotized or knocked on the head and waking up as their favorite hero or fictional character are my favorites. Somewhere between age 3 and 7, I decided 'these are definitely NOT my parents', and perhaps I wasn't from the area where I lived, and that I was WAY different and sometimes invisible...and yes, it went into I'm possibly not from this time period, or planet - or maybe I was a lab experiment that got away, as I headed into my teens. That topped off with my parents raising me in a rather unpopular cult, as the cherry on top - so, not only am I different, now I get to be openly disliked for that. I'm 59, dumped the cult some years back, and still don't fit in anywhere somehow. Either, I'm not 'free willy' enough, or I need to be in someone else's religion. I recently listened to a podcast about possessing 'quirks' and embracing them, and seeing who shows up. Giving it a go...I live in a relatively small community so it's not surprising to me that I live in a 'nest' of people who are desperately uncomfortable not 'belonging' to a 'family line' [that 'founded' this area in the 1800s], a religion, a local group, 'friends' who all do the same thing [which around here involves drugs and/or alcohol at some point in time/if not all the time]. In 2021 at my dad's funeral, none of the cult attended - but his old buddies and family before the cult came, and here's the flea they put in my ear..."God, your dad and I had some times [aka drinking and sleeping around]! Then he went and joined that damn religion! " [which didn't stop dad any from 'having some times' with his friends on the sly]. Alrighty then! And thank you for 'barfing' your beef with him, on me. Same with his relatives...before it was all over somebody had decided that my mom had done him in. If anyone feels warm fuzzies for these people, they live at the tippy top of Northern California - you can't miss them - it's like they're all inbred. But I'm the weirdo. Just remember that. I don't mind flawed human beings - I mind toxic flawed human beings. I happen to be a really good listener, and people tend to tell me everything - and because I'm listening and holding space for them to 'get somewhere in their thoughts', they assume I'm agreeing with everything they're saying. And I don't. I'm not their therapist, I'm their dumping ground. When I share, they are either floored, can't hear it, or start fixing me. Long story long, I need a lot of recovery time, all the time.
One thing I've learned from all of my addictive/fantasy tendencies (gaming, masturbation, music, weed, sugar, Islam which I'll get to, shopping) is that they can also involve some engagement in reality; in friendships and social situations (i.e. peer pressure), also in volunteering. Another thing can be that a new addiction serves as a sequel to an old addiction, meaning that the main reason the person can't kick the habit is not because he fears withdrawal, but relapse into the old addiction (e.g. Methadone replacing heroin). Speaking of friendships; that's very often the greatest cost if you kick the habit, hence you keep going. I think many people know these days how dreadful loneliness can be. As much as games can be addictive, I have to believe that had it not been for games, many people would've instead turned to drugs/alcohol, suicide, crime (in real life as opposed to in many games, e.g. for excitement/adventure). Thus it ain't really the games' fault. One thing that's never brought up by therapist circles, but I think should be, is how car dependency has impacted North America: Lack of daily movement, obesity, less daily exposure to people (due to lack of public transport and walking/biking), car costs, pollution and climate change (hurricane Katrina, wildfires), bigger roads and parking lots, less room for nature and useful facilities etc. It's hard not to believe that's caused some additional depression in many lives. Being from Sweden; I've been very exempt from all that, except for climate change to a degree. After having compared all of my tendencies after listening to this, I have to say nothing comes anywhere close to Islam. Why? Well, this could apply to any religion, but Islam is what happened to me. It all started with peer pressure in 2015 and seemed harmless. I'd been thinking about Islam for many years prior without knowing much. Turned out I knew nothing before, cause now my whole life turned upside down never to be the same again. Like any religion, I couldn't question my new-found faith nor leave. It became all about heaven or hell; this life didn't matter, it's just a test. The only thing that matters is following the religion correctly regardless of consequences. At first I wasn't trying to escape anything, but now I had to simply not go to hell. And this was pushed steadily by scholars; I wasn't just living in my own head. I saw my life fall apart and I desperately wanted to go back again and pull it together, but Islam wouldn't allow me. Eventually my own body wouldn't allow me to continue with Islam fully. It came just in time in 2020. Now I had debilitating chronic fatigue for the years to come, once again hooked on games and masturbation like when I was a teenager. At first it was all "Qadr Allah" (God's plan), but realizing gradually that Islam had caused all this (masturbation is haram btw, but I've never used porn for it), I left in September 2022 and never looked back. I automatically lost interest in games in late 2021 already and I've cut down on MB just recently. The thing about Islam is that I firmly believed I was engaging in reality. During those years I hardly ever gamed much less MB'd. Only recently I've realized Islam was all a fantasy, an addiction in fact. Gaming and MB made me in fact get back to reality in the given circumstance, sharing those interests with many others online, eventually wanting to be more outdoors around strangers and crowds. It taught me stuff I'd otherwise never learned, and thus I can apply that to reality (let alone post this very comment) instead of just escaping it all. You should definitely do a part 2 on the subject of fantasizing.
31, spent years of my life living a daydream, hyperfixating on fictional characters and that, even feeling emotions through them. As I've healed Ive relied on it less and less and I tend to just daydream when I want to pass time. It gets easier
Thank you, I've just tried connecting with friends when I tend to get lost in, say distractions. They are busy (friends) but it's a step forward I feel. Always feel enlightened whilst viewing
YES! AND - On The Flip Side - SOMETIMES The CREATIVITY Of Escaping Pain Thru "Fantasy" ALSO Draws Creates Great Art & Great Artists! Can't Wait To Read Your Book, Dr. Scott!
Hello Scott. Wow!! This video really hit hard. But I am glad it did. I am not a gamer, at all. But I spend too much time on Facebook, RU-vid etc. What you said about ADHD was also scary for me because my daughter and granddaughter are ADHD. They both spend way too much time on games. Thank you for shining a bright light on this subject.
I do this though thankfully nowadays it's a lot less prevalent. The thing about these fantasies is that they're not difficult to take to a different direction. let me explain. I was never allowed to express emotions or opinions as a kid so I the only way I could deal with my emotions was through fantasy. The most common type was that I played a sort of monster or otherwise outcast person (usually the descendant of some evil race) and I would be rejected hurt or mortally wounded one way or another. Another was me trying to befriend a person I admired at the time (once again, from an underdog position). In either of these, the goal for me as a character was to be saved by another character or to successfully befriend the person I wanted to befriend, but for the longest time I never let myself get to that point. What I told myself was that anything I would think of would be unrealistic, but in reality people liking me was just so out of my frame of reference that my brain bluescreened trying to imaginine a happy ending for me. Make of that what you will. The twist is that no matter how unrealistic it seemed, I started giving myself a happy ending anyways. Compared to the initial fantasies, these took minutes instead of hours and calmed me down a lot faster so I can almost immediately resume my business in the real world. As it turns out this is how I was able to connect to my wounded inner child. By giving them someone that would save/befriend/comfort/heal them, who is, of course, also played by me.
i am so glad for videos like this- and yes relatable - the moment in 2022 i clearly remember was - no matter how much perfect my imagination would be - it will never give me that memory and experience of life itself that a real moment does - slowly the way my entire brain was working , it understood and went 180 degrees- It was a collective insight from personal experience, lot of guidance and stories through videos and doctors and reminiscing old good memories and seeing how imperfect they were yet good #7stepsToMentalHealth
Living with a person who has done this for more than a decade now. It mimics addiction, and it has also been paired off and on with substance abuse. The cognitive effects and negative social consequences are the same. Like addictions, this is a relationship destroyer, although this seems more insidious when it starts as something that appears innocuous until it takes over multiple hours of the day and the person living the fantasy is emotionally bankrupt.
Great video Dr Scott. Once a fortnight or so I like to escape in a game for an hour or two. I think it restores my sanity and gives me a break from my anxiety as it's relaxing. My Avatar is blonde, slim and young - very idealistic. All the Avatars are young-ish whereas when you communicate with the people behind the Avatars, many are old etc. I like the option of dressing up my character as I've always had an interest in clothes design and it's nice to get compliments on my outfits or looks. I don't get them in real life anymore now I'm 65, old and fat!! 😂 it's.nice to re-live my youth occasionally through the Avatar. I don't take it seriously though, just the occasional fantasy.
How do you know my brain soooo well?!?! I’ve never heard another person understand my inner world so well without even knowing me. I’m not religious but growing up my mom would take us to church. I remember that she found a priest that would give his Sunday sermon (I that’s what they are called) and she said that she felt that it always had a message about how to deal with something she was going through that week. That’s how I feel about your videos. I’ll be ruminating about something and then I’ll check RU-vid and there you are with a video that addresses exactly what I’m going through. I’ll always comment this, please keep going and making videos. I literally don’t comment on any videos ever. But I feel like this is the least I can do. You are saving lives.
I have not been there done that, but: "Accept - then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy. This will miraculously transform your whole life." Eckhart Tolle
I feel this topic needs further discussion. In my personal case, my fantasy world was a way for me to cope with my skin condition and the horrible suffering it has caused me since my childhood until this day. I'm much better now, but not completely. When my condition would worsen, especially in stressful situations, my skin would itch and then get injured. And sometimes my skin would get so dry that even physically moving my body would hurt me. Now, imagine a child or a teenager going through school, being made fun of, physically hurting, and having no energy to explore further relationships. The only thing you want is to find an isolated corner so you can manage your suffering in peace. That was me. So, yeah. My fantasy world was my way to escape. And while I understand the points you made in this video-I see myself in some of them-I feel that the fantasy world is not necessarily just an escape tool. For me, it was a sort of filter, a buffer, so I could understand the real world better at my own pace while, at the same time, managing my own feelings towards it in a safe environment. Each time I would see or read about a fun, deep, or interesting concept that I didn't fully grasp, I would try to adapt it and integrate it into my fantasy world so I could "study it" in a safe and familiar environment. While sometimes I imagined myself as more powerful than my real self, sometimes I imagined the exact opposite. Sometimes, depending on my mood, I would choose to incarnate certain characters-weaker characters, morally questionable characters-throughout certain scenarios that I had built inside my head, so I could develop my own empathy, try to understand their side of the story, and work out moral dilemmas. Each time I got emotional towards someone or something, I would have the perfect scenario of my fantasy world ready so I could vent without harming anyone, including myself. I would do this while listening to loud music. Note that I would often hurt myself, scratching my skin violently and getting injured. But my fantasy world stopped me from physically harming people. I would remember the moral dilemmas of my fantasy world and its consequences, and that was often the sole motivation I had in order to stop myself before I would put someone in the hospital. All this in order to work out and manage real-life people and situations. My fantasy world offered me a place so I could reflect on all of it. In a safe, free-of-judgment environment. I've recently come out of my fantasy world. It's overall appeal started slowly vanishing in 2022. And I've made my peace with it, and I'm grateful for it. I don't feel like I've wasted my life. Quite the contrary. It bore fruit. People in my life often comment on my maturity, praise my perspective on things, always tell me that I'm a good listener, and often seek my advice. I feel that I own a great part of that in my fantasy world. It was my instrument of choice for self-development. You brought up the lack of social skills and relationships and their impact on real-world experience. Well, for many years, I often felt behind in life as I watched my peers and people younger than me already settling and accomplishing things in their lives, like marriages and kids. And I recently realized that I don't value any of that. To be clear, I think some married couples and kids can be some of the most beautiful and wonderful things in life. But I realized that the more I think about doing either of them, the more I feel that it's not for me. I have several reasons for not wanting to raise a family, but that's a whole other story. My point is this: What can one do when real life fails to provide you with people or an environment that can either nurture you or pique your interest at a particular point in your life? To be clear, I'm not talking about situations where you spend so much time on escapism that you forget to develop yourself. You entropize. I get that, and I fully agree with that. What I'm talking about here is when the same people and environment that surround you don't mean anything to you. When you don't perceive anything of value coming from them, you feel that they aren't worth your effort anymore. After you tried over and over to connect and socialize, you realized that the best of some people is just mediocrity, and you're not interested in it. And yet, when those same people and societal norms demand your conformity and you feel you're getting entropized and crushed by this social game that you don't want to play, but if you refuse to play, you get punished by your peers, and, all the while, you feel that your unique potential is getting squandered because you fail to find someone or something that can nurture you, even if that potential is something as simple as a different perspective or something that is not understood or doesn't fit society standards. Where, I ask, does that leave you? It's no wonder many of us escape to our fantasy worlds. It's our sanctuary to escape the forces of entropy. It’s a tool that you can use to either nurture or entropize yourself further. Again, this is not to downplay or underestimate the points made here. I just feel that, to repeat myself, this topic needs further discussion. I would love to see a part 2 of this.
I think it’s fitting yet bittersweet that I watched this in the first week after the loss of my (toxic) mother. I've been a mental escapist for the majority of my almost 52 years. It’s going to be tough to build a healthy mental state and happy single life, but I both want to... and need to. This was one more very big truth bomb added to the arguments why it's so important that I do. Thank you for not shying away from difficult and painful truth. You are like few other counselors out there because you understand from personal experience what it’s like to be at unhealthy, absolute rock bottom.
Dr Eillers, I have a question. What about people who are using meditation and spiritually for what they think is balance? Aren't they to somewhat escaping their reality, focusing into another reality? Just a question, not a judgement of anyone. Asking because my spiritually is to a large extent my strength and balance, but I also have to be very careful because I could stay in meditation all day if I didn't restrict myself. So my question is, can that be something that can cause you to have unrealistic expectations, because your spiritual world is so much better?
Great topic that is seldom discussed. I used to have bipolar and one of the symptoms is having grandiose fantasies and having out of proportion confidence and optimism from those fantasies. Now I look at life as a single player game. Everything from work to relationships is a game. Those fantasies in my mind have turned into sort of fantasy games. I choose my games and I play to win.
Nobody "used to have" bipolar. There's no cure. If you have bipolar, it doesn't go away. You might be less symptomatic now but you still have bipolar. IF you were correctly diagnosed by a psychiatrist or a very good therapist.
I do admire your courage to share your personal life with the whole world. Your metaphors are so helpful in getting your points across to your viewers. I have found your wisdom and advice to be very helpful. Thank you for “putting yourself out there” to benefit others.😊
This probably falls under misallocation of resources, but declining physical health issues is a possible consequence of spending too much time in fantasy. I'm type 1 diabetic, and I've been allocating literally all of my resources to fantasy and not taking care of my diabetes or any other aspect of my life. I'm only 30 years old, and I've already got erectile dysfunction, hair loss, stage 2 peripheral neuropathy, stage 2 retinopathy, and also periodontitis.
Gosh- I LOVE your channel. What about “manifesting”, which seem to involve a healthy imagination to envision the type of live and accomplishments in your goals? This seems to be a form of fantasy as well.
Stumbled across your channel and I have to thank you for creating these contents. They are tremendously insightful and it nails the issues on the dot. I've been struggling with these symptoms for many years and I'm actively searching for solutions. Thank you Dr Scott. Hailing from Malaysia.
I've started daydreaming when I was really young (kindergarten age) and it became maladaptive a bit later cause I've been bullied a lot at school and wasn't really close to any of my family members... Had a lot of issues and have been labeled as lazy or useless, I just really needed to feel accepted and safe. I'm stuck now, I'm 26 and I'm afraid I'm way beyond repair. Anytime I've tried not to daydream for a few days I had terrible issues like hearing my voice coming from another place, not recognising myself anymore, seeing fog in my room and feeling like a zombie... Do I have any chance? I don't know what to do with my life anymore...
Living vicariously has been my escape hatch. Self-fulfilling prophecy. Opt out of living, you will be excluded, watch the "party" thru a keyhole. There are ALOT of novels waiting to be written by dreamers. Thankyou, Scott, for lighting the fire under our collective butts about this matter. The part about atrophied social skills is an owie. Kinda kicks me off of my cloud
Some thought provoking content in the video ❤ Thanks so much! My personal 2 cents is I think 1 key consideration is understanding one’s motivation behind watching movies, reading novels, etc. For example, I think there’s a huge difference between hypothetical Person A who watches movies endlessly for the sole purpose of escapism, as opposed to Person B who watches movies endlessly as an art form, say, to study the filming angles, lighting, etc. - both are engaging with the same media for the same period of time, but for different purposes. I understand it’s different for each person (e.g., varying motivation and threshold between healthy and less healthy consumption of various forms of media, where you have talked about the latter but less so the former), but I think some people (e.g., some creatives/artists) may have a somewhat different relationship (at least in some ways) to consuming media, in terms of both motivation and their “threshold” or “line.” I suppose what I’m saying, perhaps inarticulately, is perhaps understanding one’s intent/motivation behind a behaviour is another key consideration in deciding what is personally healthy or less healthy, which is of course a highly individual decision ❤
Wow. I came back after a while because thanks to your earlier videos I have had some changes in my thinking and my life has been better. But the topics you cover are surprisingly relevant and useful, I thought about this but 1)I couldn't process it thoroughly, and 2)maybe because I don't play games, or use any substances, I was lying to myself a little bit that I didn't get affected by my escapism. Now here I am learning more about myself!. I'm listening for the 3rd time and taking notes to reflect on this further. I'm waiting for part 2 if you will make it. But realizing these things is already so helpful. Thank you for the truth bombs, Dr. Scott. 😂
My fantasy world is you tube so I guess this is goodbye, Dr Scott. My fantasy is my nonexistent you tube channel and also leaving comments on other people's RU-vid videos. 😂
This is so relating to the point that it hurts. 🎯 I have been daydreaming more often lately as I am currently moving on (not really so) from a 9-yr relationship. It has been so hurtful that daydreaming have been my savior and escape at the same time. I have been like this since I'm 10yrs old now 2 decades+ later I am still daydreaming. Even my dog gets confused coz he would often caught me talking when there is no one else in the room. Im not crazy (maybe I am lol) but most of the times I get carried away that I am verbalizing my talks/conversation in my dreamday. Also I realized that I have so many memories with my family, former relationship that I cannot remember (unless reminded) because I daydream sooo often. 😢 Thank you for reminding me this. Truth hurts, but these lies hurt even more. Knowing that none of those daydreams were true. Yes they were comforting and kinder to me compared to my reality but I missed out so much in my life. It wont be easy but I know in the long run it will be worth it. ❤
As an only child I have lived in my head in my fantasy world most of my life. It saved me as a child but it doesn’t serve me as an adult. Letting it go is difficult though
I developed a rich fantasy life that reinterpreted everything I did, while being bullied to the point of considering suicide. Over the years, I've stopped reinterpreting real-world life, but have several alter egos and spend a lot of time there, even though I have nothing to escape. The MMPI diagnosed me as schizotypal-- which means exactly what I just described. I could have achieved some of what I wanted if I'd taken a different track in life. But I made all the right decisions for good reasons. I've realized though, that if I had it all, there are many downsides that I ignore. When I heard "the mind is a comparison machine", I realized that I was indeed feeling inferior because I don't match up to my fantasies. I'm now turning my fantasies into a fantasy novel, so they're actually useful.
It's funny, I've found peace recently re-engaging in a fantasy world through the game Valheim. Thing is though, I was ripped away from my old fantasy world(s) when my mom died and all my electronics got stolen shortly after. So I agree there is definitely a balance to be struck because staying in the muck of IRL can become unbearable sometimes, but of course I wouldn't want to neglect it at all.
It would be great if you could address this for problems that will only get worse (eg extreme burn victim with increasing paralysis). Specifically on the side of meditation and dissociation in such people. This relates to “the dark side of meditation” yet for someone I know in constant crippling pain, it was explained as: Pick either controlled dissociative mediation or uncontrolled dissociation. There is no avoiding it when severe pain is not treated. (‘Not treated’ referencing that in his region medications are not used anymore for chronic conditions) Thanks!
At 65, I have just recognized my childhood as abusive, physically & emotionally. My ACE score is 7. I’m wondering your professional opinion of childhood/adolescent coping with chronic abuse through the mental creation of a safe & loving family & environment. Your presentation was compassionate & I thank you.
My parents were so demented that they kept us shut away from the world our entire childhood. We could not have friends or contact with people outside of our house. I felt so trapped I could not wait to get out. While I was stuck in that house I would read a lot, it would take me away to another world. As soon as I could I left and started living my life, I loved it.
Wait, wait a second. When I get home at night after a day of hard working, where people look me down in my way home just for my short height and pathetic aspect (which i never asked), with just a few dollars in my pocket I deeply sumerge with my thoughts and have to chose btw thinking about the awful reality ahead of me (that it can't be change) or the beautiful world i've create in my fantacies. Hum! Hard decision. No way! Life is for some of us a missfortune we have to go through and to do it we must seize any tool we have at hand. This video suggest a way out of this missfurtune, there is not. Not for all. Having said that, I do believe that there are people who are waisting their time in those fantasies (people who are blessed with beauty and talents but they ignore that) and everybody should give the reality a chance and in case they come across with a world where thy are just shit well, go back to your minds. Nice video!
Hello Dr Scott, escapism is understandable but the construct of fantasy worlds seems nebulous, especially within the context of the mind. If mind fantasies are associated with idealism, are u saying we shd just succumb to the crazy and messy world, forsaking moral values as a benchmark/comparison/guide for our lives, as an example? Realistically, comparisons of sorts across life circumstances are somewhat inevitable, this is part of our human construct, for better or for worse. Does it also mean the strong minded, independent thinking, unconventional or perfectionistic individuals inadvertently slip into a life of fantasy? Life isn't binary, it is a paradox; I believe there are also benefits not treading the path most travelled. Hope you can add more clarity and context to this topic. Cheers
Yes. Although an eurêka at 1st, this concept seem so broad that it can be applied to everyone. To an extent, all humans find some ways to escape reality sometimes. That's the goal of entertainment industry, alcohol, etc.
Firstly, I am glad you are speaking about this topic and trying to help those that struggle and use this too much as a crutch. I see you trying to speak with understanding and empathy on why individuals would decide to engage with this action however you also didn't provide any potential positives that it has when it is not overused which made this video disappointing for me. My personal experience on this topic is using this to get by and not commit the unspeakable when i was a teenager. I hated school in every way, I had a different mind set that leaned more into understanding and being at the same pace as adults, I got along well with teacher and could socialise with them rather than my peers. My life was hell and the only reason i am here is because on the way to school, during school and at home i was able to use this to comfort myself, To feel like living and to know what i want and aspire to be. I used it a lot, and i agree on some points however i think a lot of people are aware that its just like a movie, you know that its not real, its just a escape and that's OK. I no longer day dream as much due to other distractions like videos and novels however i enjoy creating my own worlds, stories, dramas and passions to fall asleep, It doesn't keep me up at night. It is a good tool that helped me be more creative, let me expand my mind and let me visualize methods i wish to use and also improve my memory on situations, for example remembering the body posture of someone i liked and potentially using it myself. Don't get me wrong, i don't believe people should only live in their dream world, however if people are struggling having that sort of escape i think is important and better than a lot of other coping mechanisms like drugs, alcohol, smoking, overeating ect. Finding a good balance is important as you mentioned in the video. Just wish there was a small bit on why it can be a good thing if used responsibly.
i have been always aware of how much escapism has ben my drug. And I have been working at getting back into real life, but it is hard. I guess....trying to make my life more romantic has helped. Caring about the beauty of the space I live in, the way I dress and look, learning new skills. But my social life si still poor and awkward. I know it's not entirely my fault. I live in a pretty secluded place, in the country, and I'm really shy. I hope to work on that this next year. But fantasy worlds are and will always be a part of me. I just try to make them a part of my reality as well....finding a balance. It's not perfect, and things get really hard I know I will always reatreat a little bit into my safe space, but at least I like who I am a bit more than I did a few years ago.
Thank you for your insights on this topics if you are reading this comment please make a part two on how you quit the fantasy world I'm 18 yrs old and I daydream from the moment i woke up to the moment im asleep its hard for me to quit it like a part of brain is continuously dreaming i have lost touch with real life i need help but there is no one to ask for if this disorder didn't resolve my last option is to take my own life because i cant live the real life
This is a great video. I’ve few living in a semi - fantasty world for almost half a decade, following an illness that leaves me housebound for many months in a given year. There are periods where I start to feel better and then venture out into the real world, but when I start talking to people, I often end up feeling so odd, because it looks like that I’m only good at maintaining small talks (and I really don’t like having them) simply because I’m out of practice… does anytime have any tips related to this topic that they’d like to share that I could stick to on a long term basis? Cheers!
Quick additional comment for your consideration: my most terrifying book is The Velveteen Rabbit. I know you’ll understand that without any further commentary 😊😢
These are some good points for me to reflect on. I don’t have a fantasy world, but I spend a lot of time in the rose colored glasses version of my past…
That is also my stance on alcohol: I regret how destructiv it's already been in my life, and I am really eager to keep negative influences out of my day to day.
I feel like my whole life has been a daydream and i think it was a result of when i was brought into this world. My mom was under a lot of stress due to my dad developing schizophrenia and my moms father passing away. My mom said she could never breast feed me and i think as a baby i never felt comforted and safe. I think about that alot how a mothers well being affects how well they can connect with their children and help them realize the world around them. I struggle to do this with my daughter. Cauae i want to escape daily. I used to be an alcoholic all of my 20s and onpy knew i had the strength to get sober when i got pregnant. But my new addiction is social media and fantasy land and i always think about how this affects my daughter she must not feel safe that moms never present with her. I want to change. I want to be here with her while shes little so she can feel safe in the world because i know i didnt feel safe growing up and part of it was feeling neglected
It's not possible to escape fantasy when you're real life is bear trap you see no way out of. I've never wanted to be here since I became conscious. I've been looking at the stars since 3 years old, hoping they'll beam me up there
The point is, that if you spend all the time in fantasy and not real life you stay at the same place in your life and can't grow because your priority is only the fantasy world and not making your own life better
