As an American, I understand and agree with you about the stinginess of American food industry in paying servers less than minimum wage. A law was passed back in the late 1970's- early '80's that allowed the food industry to call tips income that can be taxed by the Internal Revenue Service and allow food industry to pay less than minimum wage to them. It's criminal.
I admit the first few times in Europe I thought it was a little rude how people spoke. Now I find it refreshing that they cut out the BS and you know exactly what they think.
But they don't, or they'd say something is amazing when they like something. What's the point words like "bien" or "ausgezeichnet" if you don't use them? It's all so very undetstated and muted with them, with slight negative base. With Americans it's the extremes constantly, but preferring the positive just to avoid the consequences of misplaced negativity.
@@Warriorcats64 " or they'd say something is amazing when they like something." if they "just like" something, they might say "pas mal" etc. If they were ecstatic / bowled over by something, their direct, less BS characteristic might come into play, with more positives, but not wanting to be seen uncontrolled/OTT +ve about something like the Yanks. It's a matter of degree, & would depend on the situation, & whether the French person knew you at all. If the latter, they might be less reserved. Above all, French don't want to seem fake I suspect, whereas with Americans, it's as if they have no shame about that & think it's expected almost, as a social requirement
@@daffyduk77 Yeah that's kind of right. I'm French and I can assure you that if someone is saying that something is incredible, amazing, etc. it just sounds fake. Exaggerated. I hear it like a lie, and it's rude to lie. It has to be proportionate. A meal can be delicious, exquisite, but not "amazing" ; and a good meal is nice, not bad. Amazing, incredible, awesome (etc.) are for exceptional things, jaw dropping, unbelievable. It's not rudeness, it's juste cultural. I was weirded out by American shows when I was younger, they were so over-the-top all the time, extatic for everything and it felt exhausting. Now, as an adult, I just understand the cultural difference and it's just how they do it and I just see it like it is. It would still be weird in France or by French people, but it's not when it's by or for American people. The "negative" side, it's really about honesty. Don't lie to me, the meal I prepped is not bad, perhaps quite good, nice even. It's not amazing, I'm an ordinary home cook. If you say what I made is amazing, it feels like an lie, almost like a mockery, a joke.
I live in Bordeaux… for two years from Denver. First, I love France and the French people have shown my family so much kindness and help. Getting to know families and traditions has made me feel more at home and the grocery store, pharmacy and tabac clerks have become so helpful and special. They know my kids and ask how I’m am and help me with my French. They open up about themselves and try their English as we get to know each other better. These are people I see weekly. I also wave and say Bonjour to my neighbors in the mornings and afternoons to and from school with my kids. People in France are friendly and are generally wanting to be friends. It just takes some time.
Yup it takes time. We tend to be a bit suspicious at first with strangers (even fench strangers). Why ? Because our contry is probably one of the most invaded in history and also the one with most iner fights (even few iner revolutions). All our neighbours tried to invade us at some point and we tried to invide them too, to be fair. We lived 2 world war, with half the country destroyed. So yes rich history built in blood most of the time. Wich also explains the politic passionate fights at the table. We somehow love our freedom, and love to think on our own. We're kinda rebels. And rebels are not friendly at first with others unless you prove them you're worth their attention and respect. But once you've got both, you got them for life (unless you do something realy bad). We have realy no problem to help the people we know. It's not always true about total strangers, unless it's a life question problem.
I can’t find anything that you are saying that I can agree with . Our family always tip 10% and all freinds and family too. I worked with American Tourists they never had any difficulties with my French coworkers . And always expressed pleasure, and really couldn’t say enough to thank all of us when it was time to learn. In 1919 we bought a house in Spain and we didn’t speak Spanish fluently, but our neighbours are so kind always bringing us fresh Bio fruit veg and eggs. I really wonder why there is such a difference in our experiences. Or where did you live before ? What are you doing for a job here?
I am Dutch and feel the same way as the French and I think their behaviour is normal. Americans find a lot of things rude. But it is annoying that everything is great, awesome or amazing. Saying I love you all the time. If you do this all the time, it means nothing and you lose nuance in conversations.
I'm French, I live in Brazil, Brazilians are the same, they always over-emphasise words. If they just like something they say it's "incredible" or "marvelous". Words end up losing their meaning. If you say that something is "great" they're gonna think you didn't like it (you have to say "absolutely amazing"). Nobody says "no". "Maybe" means no and "yes" means maybe.
The whole being clear with what you mean is an European thing in general, but it takes certain regional traits. Western Europe is all about the constructive criticism and honesty, it's better to get problems out of the way rather than let them fester. Northern Europe is about one's personal space and this does include France, or at least parts of it. The Netherlands is right in there in the middle of things, and has a lot in common with France, but the French are probably a bit messier in most things, and significantly more argumentative. Some cultural diferences between the two: French people enjoy making sure things work structurally but they don't care about the finishing touches as much. I guess, in short, they care more about the idea of things than the thing in practice: they're highly theoretical people, they enjoy ideas. The french have a tendency to, any time anything goes wrong, to think the whole thing is flawed and try to do it all from scratch. They want systems to be perfect so they don't have to worry about them anymore. They're more likely to fixate on the current problem and let other things turn into problems from not paying attention to them, so, kind of... manic, from a Dutch perspective. I don't know the Netherlanders as intimately as the french, but they seem to share that they love consistency in the details with the germans, they also enjoy things, as in objects, more than the french. Not in an "acquire objects" kind of way, rather, taking care of physical objects, or plants or other such. Dutch people seem more relaxed than the French, and seem to think the right way to approach life is to be careful, consistent, and aware, and if you do those you won't have to worry a day in your life. I'm from Chile. Here people are reserved, but love gossip. It's a strange place where people are like japanese people, like french people, and like other latin americans, depending on the contex. But on the whole exaggerating or not, I think people here will use a very wide scale, where things can be "well", which is no comment, "good" which means it's amazing, "amazing" which means you in particular love it to bitz independently of whether it's good or not, "more or less" which means it's pretty bad, and "Like crap" which means you will complain about it endlessly.
omg... I'm an american. and I hate this! This being everything is great, awesome, amazing. When I am being honest... i get told I am being negative, a pessimist, I need. to think more positively. I just get exhausted living with people like this. A tree fell and crushed my friend's car. she has insurance. I said it would probably be totalled out because it damaged the frame. she freaked out and told me to stop being so negative... what is negative about that?! that's just the reality... guess. who then had to get a new car - covered by insurance - because the frame was damaged!? America is a country full of toxic positivity. I'm so sick of it.
That's what I heard!!! Same for Germany. But it's not funny. This kind of clichés is funny for Anglo-saxons when they speak about French people... 🤡 Same for smoking or weekly worked hours!!!
I have noticed that, regarding German/American online relations, Germans are "direct" to the point of being confrontational. Is it only with Americans? I don't know. I don't think "why are you all so fat?" (as if it's any of your business) or "your educational system is so much worse than ours, no wonder all Americans are so stupid!" or "everything about the food and culture in America is so horrible and unhealthy! We do everything so much better!" are proper forms or subjects of debate or even good conversation starters. It's not only Germans piling on Americans for all the ills of the world (some-not all-of which is deserved), it comes from all over. It just seems to be more directly and instantaneously confrontational from them. In Canada, it's the national sport, beating out even hockey!😉 There is always someone who feels the need to tell you how awful your (insert subject here) is; often out of the blue and usually when it has no bearing on the subject being discussed. Discussing the virtues of pound cake? You believe Labrador retrievers are cuter than French poodles? What do you think of Downton Abbey? Stupid Americans! No, I never voted for Trump. No, I don't own a gun and never have, nor have I ever shot a gun at anyone. Yes I recycle and eat fresh food that's not prepackaged. And I can and do cook. I receive excellent healthcare and it hasn't bankrupted me yet. No, neither I nor my ancestors (they may have in Europe before coming here, but probably not, since they were poor) ever enslaved anyone and I don't think I'm racist (at least I hope I'm not), nor do I believe every American is. Plenty are, of course, but that can be said of any nationality. If US education is so horrible, why so many international students? I am, however, overweight. Rudely confronting me about it won't change anything except my perception of your lack of tact. And why should I have to defend my very existence because of where I was born? Yes, there are plenty of Ugly American blow-hards out there too, with the "gun-happy, 'Murica-first, we're the biggest, strongest, bestest, freedomist of all" flowing from their fingers, often in all caps. I think the biggest difference is that they'll usually get called out for their BS by other Americans. I've noticed little, if any, blowback directed toward those who stridently attack Americans from their own countrymen. It's usually just more piling on.
I have travelled to France enough in the last decade (and gotten brave enough to use my French more freely) to learn that the American stereotype of the rude French is quite wrong, and I get a little offended when I hear a friend imply that French rudeness is expected. So I've started telling stories from our travels that illustrate my view. And I have to thank you for some of my change of heart. Plus, you have saved me from embarrassment at the check-out counter because I properly weighed my produce first. Thanks!
I made a whirlwind trip of Europe in '94. Never met a rude person. Everyone was cordial in every country. If the French are rude, they started since then.
i'm french and please, don't tell everyone that we're not rude, it's a bit hypocritical from me to ask but if people expect us to be rude, they always have a good surprise when we are polite and helpfull and that's a good feeling i wish to keep
@@jonathanfinan722 This isn’t the late 20th century either. That use of gotten is common in the US and making a comeback in the UK. ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-b4VAEmZBqK0.html
Oh? The *French* are considered reserved??! :O As I'm from Finland, this is music to my ears. I thought we Nordics were the only ones considered rude in this way. But you got it absolutely right: it's actually a way of being polite.
I think they would seem social to the Finns, since you may be the record holders of reservedness. The French do have a number of etiquette things like greetings which are very involved, but much less so than other europeans or people from around the world. French people are not interested in sharing small talk or socializing for its sake, but there's a few things they're not reserved about, should the situarion call for it: -Complaining. Much like their German neighbors, French people really enjoy complaining about things and will complain with (as in alongside) a total stranger if the stranger opens thee door for that. No better bonding experience. -Constructive criticisn. If they think you're doing something wrong they'll go out of their way to let you know. In their mind, this is helpful and a kindness. -Interesting knowledge. France is a nation of nerds, the whole bunch enjoy learning anything that's interesting. -Arguments. They enjoy arguments like a sport. Once you open the door they will argue regardless of how little they know you. -Protests. Once you get them mad enough to protest, you're in trouble.
How refreshing that you can have a lively conversation at the dinner table without everyone getting their feelings hurt. I wish this was the norm in the USA.
As a french I find this less and less the case in France unfortunately, the polarization is growing and now you tend to avoid some topics, especially with younger generations fed with US controversy and activism via internet. On the opposite, I envy the protection USA gives to freedom of speech, and the consciousness about lobbies and corruption in medias and politics, even if not perfect, it's way better than in France.
@ebrg6299There is no value or honesty in asserting "free speech" to normalize holocaust denial in common discourse, a matter settled long ago after careful examination, the disagreement with which is entirely based on phenomenal exaggerations, half-truths, and lies certain to cause deep pain and produce deep social discord. That sort of "fress speech" is abominable and proected only by those who not only believe in "free speech" but have no real allegiance to facts and truth,, because they are thrilled to see the false supremacy of white, heterosexual, Christians promoted, defended, and mainstreamed in the public square. even if only among the most vile, destructive bigots in humanity.
It can be pretty heated :). But yes we can yell at each other (“s’engueuler”) and then go back to a normal state. It happens frequently about politics.
traditonally it used to be like that: but the new progressist agenda got here too: now you need to be very careful at what you say, because people get offended for the slightest slip of the tongue, and they are quick to call out on you. A good rule would be to avoid talking to leftist. those still supporting right usually have this more traditional free speech and open to debate without casualties mindset.
yes, this a cultural trait that is also very latin. As a french I enjoy having frank, heated but respectful debates. Then move on and enjoy a nice food or drinks and talk about something else. We tend to lose that because of the culture of not opposing people. I do hope we will keep that!
"not bad" is what is called a "litote". It is a french idiomatic expression. It is not moderate. On the contrary It is stronger than just : it is good. It means it is very good. .
I don't fully agree with it being strong. I think it mostly depends on the way (intonation) it is said. "pas mal" is generally less than "bien I would Say". If somebody says "pas moche" it really means not pretty actually
@@goldeer7129 the intonation is important of course but I think it is a matter of generations, the young don't speak the same French (maybe influence of american language and a loss of subtility in the language)
Ok. In France (as in most countries outside the US) waiters are paid real wages. In France it is considered and respected as a professional role and not the refuge of out of work actors and college students. In most countries outside North America tips are reserved for those who offer exceptional service, not extorted from customers as a right because restaurant owners are too cheap to pay their staff proper wages. And BTW, our (US) tipping culture is out of control!!
So apparently you would be happy to pay more for restaurant food so the owners could pay a decent wage. Why not consider your savings as the tip money and offer it graciously as opposed to feeling “extorted”?
@@mellocello187Regardless, it's horrible system. If a customer walks out on you, in most restaurants, their meal price comes out of your tips. And you can spend two hours working your ass off at a table of 16 that might take up your entire section and get a 10¢ tip (happened to me). If your only making 2.13 an hour and don't get a tip and have your entire section used up plus then the clean up and resetting the tables. That's a 1/4th of your shift were you pretty much don't get paid. If you're okay with tipping, why not just think of higher prices as built in tipping rather than force waiters to rely on costumers generosity?
A friend and I were discussing a subject and the it became a little heated. I learned after that our wives were trying to figure out ways to separate us if we came to blows, but after a while it calmed down and he looked at me and said, "finally, someone I can talk to!" It really is a different mindset.
Interesting. Some context please. What culture are you and friend from? What was the topic of the dispute? How strong is the previous relationship between you two?
My experience is that French people are no more impolite than anyone else. Certainly, Parisians aren’t any more rude than New Yorkers. Even the old stereotype of French people being impatient with Americans trying to speak their language wasn’t true. Most people in Paris seem to appreciate any honest effort to communicate. When I used my very poor French, people generally got the idea and responded accordingly….
Yes, it’s problematic to make generalizations about the US because it is so big. Different regions can have very different manners of interaction and customs. “Not bad” isn’t at all unusual in the upper Midwest, and vocal inflection is everything.
Right when I was young in my hometown there was American came in my school, and he only speak English and I speak only French at that time I just happily helped him get along with my classmates.
I'm french and studying in Paris with all of my courses in english (so non french speaking teachers). We have a good half of the administration that don't speak english at all and refuse to take care of anything that is in english. Quite a problem when there is a lot of foreign students and teachers. We consider that trying to speak another language than yours is a sign of respect. Not trying because you don't know french at all is ok. However not trying even if you do speak french is rude and personnaly I would take it quite badly if my interlocutor speak french and I know that.
Um, we actuallly call New Yorkers rude, so, even if the French aren't quite that bad, they probably are rude if you have to bring up New Yorkers, at least according to your argument. However, in my experience, 90% of them are not rude in the least. And I have to say that about New Yorkers. These are unnecssary un-useful stereotypes.
Being able to express your thought and debate with your friends isn't rude. It's a mark of honesty, respect and open mind. True debate is also listening to other people opinion that might not be yours.
That would be my thinking too but I can understand why people from other cultures could find it rude or insulting to demonstrate point by point that the way of thinking of someone is wrong, especially in front of all other guests.
My German neighbor saw someone's dog had pooped on her lawn. She picked it up and put it in a bag, went to that person's home, handed the bag to them and said, "Here, I saw your dog pooped on my lawn. Next time you put it in a bag and get rid of it." The person was so surprised they said nothing. I rather enjoyed her German ways.
C'est pratiquement impossible d'avoir un débat avec un américain parce qu'ils pensent tout de suite qu'on veut se battre... C'est dommage parce que souvent ca reste des conversations politiquement correctes ou on apprend rien et c'est difficile de vraiment connaitre leur point de vue.
C’est une chose à laquelle j’ai vraiment eu du mal à me faire quand j’habitais aux États-Unis. Le small talk, les discussions très lisses, le côté très premier degré/je prends tout personnellement, le politiquement correct partout et tout le temps. Le pire étant les discussions politiques ou religieuses. Ça peut monter dans les tours assez vite pour finalement quelque chose qui peut nous sembler trivial quand on est habitué à l’ironie ou aux petites piques.
I makes sense that it would be hard to connect with someone of a different culture if both people aren’t able to bridge the gap between cultural differences.
@@quinquiryle but n'est pas nécessairement de convaincre son interlocuteur, l'art de débattre réside surtout dans la manière d'exposer ses idées, la rhétorique qu'on utilise et aussi et surtout, dans la manière de ridiculiser le plus poliment possible les arguments de celui ou celle avec qui on débat. C'est tout un art et c'est manifestement un art très Français qui semble remonter à la nuit des temps.
I once saw an older French woman call out a young couple who didn't pick up after their dog. She even pulled a poo bag out of her purse and gave it to them when they said they didn't have anything with which to pick it up.
debating with someone in France about social issues or politics is of course a national sport, BUT it become less and less in a friendly way if there are a disagreement. The general climate is becoming more and more agressive and you can loose friends or have a family dispute with these kind of exchange now in France
It's true, especially nowadays because the political climate is extremely tense. We are more and more directly affected by our government decisions and thus more sensitive about it and about our folks' ideologies. It's still completely ok to debate during family and friendly dinners, we're more cautious with friends than family but everything outside of politics is pretty safe still.
@@lioneldemun6033C'est vrai que dernièrement, on est vite étiqueté radical, quel que soit nos opinions politiques, il n'y a plus aucune nuance. Et ton opinion politique représente tout ce que tu es maintenant, c'est triste, plus aucun recul.
No, nothing changed in my opinion, it's just some political topics like COVID/vaccine or climate, for the reste debate is fine. The thing is : to debate is an art, you need to learn it. Somes don't know how to control themselves. You need to learn a lot about how to express yourself freely without embarrassing peoples. It's a part of social education. You need to read others behaviours and reactions to know if you are out of the line. Some are rude in debate even in a French context, others are very smart and fine. The way you debate clearly shows your education level and your wisdom and knowledge. The real difference is : in America debate is about opinion, in France you need solid arguments if you go to debate.
If you find the French too "direct", brace for a shock when coming to Germany. 😂 In British English "not (too) bad" is used much in the same way as "pas mal" in French (at least almost; French "pas mal" is a tad more positive). The use of exuberant adjectives is mainly an American thing and many Europeans, not only French, find it at times over the top.
I love the use of "pas mal." My wife and I joke around when asked how something was, we reply "it wasn't horrible." Being 72, I can truly appreciate their frankness (pun intended). Life is too short to dance around a topic. Be direct, but don't be cruel.
you can say "vraiment pas mal du tout" (really not bad at all!) which mean it's really quite good! . in fact it depends on the way you say it, the intonation sound. a neutral "pas mal" mean it's just ok. "mwouais, on va dire que c'est pas mal" meaning its not so really good but you don't want to be rude. 😄
Silly, It has absolutely no bearing on life's shortness. It takes no more time to say good than not bad, and simply maintains good will, to assure the host that they have met your approval after putting in the effort. Life is too applies to ending long-term relationships that routinely cause pain. Not small-talk pleasantries. How boorish.
@@wintermatherne2524 It kind of is depending on who you do it to :) To the people I love I will give two big kisses on their cheeks and hug and they will do the same. To most people it's just a light press touch. Personally I will purposely not do it to someone I don't like, instead I will shake hands or give a little head sign. As we don't sugarcoat everything, I want people to know what I am thinking. I want you to know if I like you, or not, if I'm happy or irritated by something. In certain situations, by politeness I will not say anything but if I find your manners rude (from a french point of view) I will let you know somehow 😅
What I have observed of several European people I've known, is that being "cool", even cynical or pessimistic is their general stance. We Americans come across as very shallow, over-enthusiastic, and immature. They are very willing to vehemently debate politics and religion, as ideas and policies are important to their lives. Americans are so hung up on trying to appear "up" and that we all get along, we won't even go there. In the 1950s Americans were sort of caught up in "The Power of Positive Thinking", being assertive to make business deals, etc. Europe was coming out of two World Wars in their own countries. They saw a lot of crap, and lost their innocence about people and the things they do.
"not bad"... I came from part of the US where this is very common. "alright" "not bad" "I've had worse" and other negative speech is prevalent. A few years ago, I started to remove all negative words from my speech and writing, especially at work. The transformation of communication has been very positive. It has been very positive in both my mood, getting people to agree with me, and I think it helped get me a promotion.
Diana, as a professional cross cultural content developer and facilitator, I d like to congratulate you particularly on your way of delivering what could be a touchy subject (no matter the culture !) as a Brit. I lived and worked in France for many years, and the points you touched on are spot on. In my job, I was in charge of a vast programme to help French customer service people understand and adapt to US customers and these were some of the things we dealt with..you are right in saying the French show respect by distance and the US by showing an interest, largely speaking of course. I ve also worked a lot with the Dutch on a daily basis and my French colleagues also found them extremely direct and often “rude”. Looking forward to more of your videos!
I like the Dutch and their directness. I'm in IT where directness is common. When I've been to the Netherlands it was like being surrounded by fellow IT people. I feel much less socially awkward there than I do amongst non-STEM Americans.
Les américains sont des faux CULS qui sont exubérants dans leurs positions, manières ou tout est amazing!!! 👺👺 La vraie définition des faux culs 👽 Si vous étiez un peu moins à vous penser supérieurs, supérieurs en quoi 👶 Vous n'avez aucune histoire, seulement votre seul "exploit" à été de parquer les indiens qui eux sont les vrais, exactement comme les Australiens avec les Aborigènes qu'ils ont empêchés de s'éduquer et ont fait le maximum pour les rabésser. Alors les gens des nouveaux monde 💤💤 Veloma
The "negative slant" of language has a lot to do with intonation, which can be difficult for non-natives. A French person will exclaim "Pas mal!" with the same intonation as one uses for "Great shot!". The interpretation for natives is crystal clear. Repetition also works "Pas mal, pas mal..." means "I'm impressed". Or there is the "Pas mal du tout", meaning "fantastic". In the US, we are actually quite unique in how over the top we are in our praises. I encounter that in the academic world, when sometimes I have to obtain letters of support or recommendation from colleagues abroad. I try to ask colleagues who know a bit about US culture so that their letters will not sing praises in tones that are too muted. In the US, this will come accross as a negative letter.
As a french man, I'd like to add something about the expression "pas mal". The way you say it can either mean that it's good but not great, or that it's really great. For example, if you say "Ce film est pas mal" in a slightly dull voice, you're in the first case: the film is good, but you've seen better. If you say the same thing with the emphasis on "pas mal", it means that the film is really good.
I would just like to say, as a Brit who has visited France several times, I find their attitudes quite refreshing. I generally find that I know where I stand when they say something. They say what they think, they stand up for what they believe in, and I'm not left wondering if they meant what they said. That's it,said, over. In the UK I have to be careful who I talk politics/exchange a point of view with in case I offend someone. I often meet American tourists in the UK, so thank you for doing these videos to help us understand what is just normal to someone else.
My NYC, Italian/Irish/German/English/French/Dutch family debated every night. We all read newspapers and were expected to have a subject to discuss at dinner. Nothing was off the table. No feelings were hurt but things could be heated. Now that I am fairly fluent speaking French and understanding about 90% of the spoken nuances and slang I love slinging around ideas with my French friends. I have had conversations at bistros and at dinners that would shatter my American friends. For me, it's like being back in 'the city' with my family.
Italian/Irish/German/English/French/Dutch... Madame, this is a shopping list. "I have a relative who came to 'Merica from Bordeaux 279 years ago, so je suis très la France !"
@@Eggpunked Or they could be from a very mixed family in the last generation. I agree that the average "i'm 1/64th german, so I could basicaly be a national because great great great grandpapy's neighbour's dog was from Berlin" is infuriating. But then you have families that do have a mix. My mom's half-Belgian helf-Macedonian, my dad's Irish, my aunt is half-Belgian-half-Tunisian, her husband is Morrocan. My grandma's latest (and late) husband was a Sephardic jew. My partner of ten years is French and Spanish. Each of the cultures of these countries had an influence on who we are as people, and as a family. And in turn it is also imprinted by the fact we live in a specific setting, country.
Argot is not slang. It is a old language , used by robbers to avoid police in the 19th century. Then, argot is mostly parisian. But slang also exists. My father told me with awful "argotic" expressions like " tu as les dents du fond qui baignent" and this is pure argot. Horrible but pure. And we burst out laughing. It was really present in the 60's with Michel Audiard's movies like "les tontons flingueurs".
@@MsPascale31 Not sure where you've taken this from. Argot is slang, also there never was one "argot" but several, not used only by robbers but by people that were united in branches... and got gigs as criminals (if only it would only have been robbers lol), and that already in the 15th century (and I reckon it should date from even further in time). Now, in the 19th you have several criminal slangs around the country, and several criminal slangs around Paris, and not all have the same origin, but some certainly mix at some points. But what you touch upon is what a language is. And there is no neutral answer about it, because the answer is a social construct. An organized independent way of communication not borrowing words? There is no such thing. A way of communicating that is used only in a given place? None either. If you're interested in the subject and can read french, the Editions du Commun have published a kind a vulgarization book "Classer nos manière de parler, classer les gens", and they publish regularily "Traduire du français aux français". Most of that work is reusing concepts from the 60's, 70's, 80's and 90's linguistics so you kind also directly look at scientific literature.
The one about bluntness is actually funny because the French are actually not blunt people at all when compared to other Europeans except for Englishmen. For example, I have a bunch of Romanian friends. When my family and I first met them, we almost found them straight up rude because of how blunt they were. It took a great deal of explaining on their part and understanding on ours to wrap our minds around the fact that they just didn't give as much importance to greetings/diplomacy/asking things beforehand as we did. And I can say that overall, all the people I've met from Denmark, Switzerland, Germany, Russia, Italy and so on tend to be more blunt than what i'm used to. After what you said I'd like to put an American and a Romanian in the same room to see what happens 😂
As someone who has traveled a lot in Eastern Europe, I have the same experience as you. I had to coach my russian best friend so that she wouldn't come off as rude in France ! One exemple. When eating with other people, she would basically say : "Donne-moi le sel", a litteral translation of how you say it in Russian. I had to teach her to use a more polite way to ask, something like : "Est-ce que tu pourrais me passer le sel, s'il te plait ?" and remind her to say "Thank you" afterwards. So I'm very surprised to learn that we're considered blunt and direct, I thought the way we speak was quite diplomatic compared to others. 😅
@@perthfanny3017We make coffee as the italians do. Caffèlatte will be lots of milk and a shot of expresso. If you want the opposite, then you ask for a big macchiato. Hope it helps next time you come to southern Europe.
That's the point there: french people don't see a debate as unkind. We can disagree with someone - even on something important - without it denting our respect for that person.
Well ! I'm french but I also find rude when people don't pick up dog's poop. I won't express what I feel when I walk on one, especially by night when I can't see where I put my feet... 😖
I’m french and I must correct you on 1 point ☺️, never ever say « pas mal » about a dish ! It is an insult to the cook. It translates in « not bad ». Only low class often young people act this way in France. You must always praise the cook when you are invited at someones home.
Thank-you for your reply, I was puzzled when I heard the video as I thought we English were the only people to say "not bad" or "not bad at all" to mean very good. Also I think that points 2 and 3 contradict each other.....
@@arthurhayden684 I've lived in Quebec for many years, they were very susceptible on jokes, couldn't understand irony or "trolling" well, and I'm French, talking about French Canadians (Quebecers)... But I was not the only European, there were some British guy too (from Leeds), and we were happy together to make jokes, brutal jokes, politically incorrect jokes, and we were more close between British and French, vs the French Canadians and English Canadians, being offended... That's funny because for AGES, UK and France were rivals, and in Canada, French vs English is an actual identity battle. But at the end, French AND English speakers from both "side" of the Atlantic were more close together than the one sharing the same languages. Suddenly, for jokes and debate, there were no more language barrier, but the actual ocean as a barrier :). And we went together, from Montreal, to Glasgow for a 3 month mission, and we had plenty of laughing together in the Scottish pubs all nights. We were "at home" (even if I'm from Bordeaux in France).
@@garryiglesias4074this is hardly surprising since we're geographically closer from one another and, at the end of the day, more used to deal with each others than with our cousins from the other side of the pond!
I have to disagree, it is quite common in the middle class as well (I don't know about bourgeoisie). But there is a way of doing it, like using the right tone and other subtle hints to indicate that you mean that it is in fact very good. For a foreigner it may be difficult to perceive such things. (I'm French btw)
My French brother-in-law worked for a company that had a site in the Netherlands. Both the French and Dutch teams had to go to "cultural sensitivity" training. To the French, the Dutch were super direct, wanted to make fast decisions and move forward without thinking things through. To the Dutch, the French wanted to talk around the subject, look at all angles, and delay making decisions until the next meeting. Once they realized how each group worked, they were able to better work together and they each had something to learn from the other. It used to (and still does!) drive me nuts when I'd attend French meetings where there was no meeting agenda, everybody would interrupt each other and talk about other things than the subject at hand, no decisions were made, no actions were confirmed, and essentially everything was postponed until the next meeting. I'd walk out and wonder what the use of the meeting was! They'd walk out and feel great about it all!
Really insightful comment, thank you. This is basically the key: " Once they realized how each group worked, they were able to better work together and they each had something to learn from the other."
Yes, because they had been able to clarify a lot of notions/options iin the round. And then indeed, the next meeting=decision, or what I have also witnessed:following such a meeting, somebody has an idea for a decision or option and mails asking EVERYBODY involved if they would be ok (and if it's like one of my bosses: making an effort to present the rationale "Such a body said this, and it made me think"). Then a meeting is planned for the purpose of deciding on this. The French can be focussed!
Funny, my french grandfather who worked in banks during the post-war France-Germany reconciliation would have said that the Germans are the ones who want to talk and examinate everything in every possible angle before doing anything and then blaze through everything while on our side of the Rhine we were the hasty ones. Things change I guess.
@@matthewraden5210 I've had the exact opposite experience moving out of France to North American to work with Canadian and American bosses. I've been through plenty of meetings of 40min of the boss giving his life story to hundreds of people with mandatory webcam turned on for everyone, while I can't even imagine that happening in France without a complaint to HR and syndics showing up.
With regards to the "negative slant to speech", this is really common in Australian English, and I think to a lesser extent British English. Saying something is not bad is really common - however it's all in the tone, it's said with an optimistic and cheerful tone. It's also common when you want to be negative to do the reverse - ie not great, not ideal etc. I think I've heard that in the US too.
...and the use of "ordinary" to describe something which is well below par. On the other hand, "filthy" became "very good" in the surfing world, "wicked" likewise and the use of "deadly" is spilling over from the indigenous communities.
It’s the same in the upper Midwest in the US. It’s a big country and there’s always exceptions. Southerners often find Northerners rude because they aren’t as stranger friendly, and Northerners think Southerners are passive-aggressive because “Bless your heart,” for example.
Its ironic that Americans would find French "directness" as rude, since much of the rest of the world (especially the British) say Americans are too direct. This might explain why England and France never seem to get along.
None of this stuff is rude in New York City, except maybe the dog part. There is no single code of politeness that covers every place and person in "America" or every phrase in American English. Also, people who don't talk about politics or controversial stuff at dinner are really boring.
Hi Diane! I am American but my family is from India, so I grew up with two cultures. I love learning about all different cultures, which brought me to your channel. Thank you for helping me understand more about France! As far as this video, I appreciate the American way of describing things as great and being enthusiastic rather than having a negative slant. Keep telling your in laws their food is fantastic! I'm sure it is :)
My mom used to rave over my French MIL's simple vinaigrette salad and it honestly is excellent. My MIL was tickled by it, but my mom was 100% sincere.... and it's a great salad ;-)
6:54 I disagree here. "Pas mal" said in an upbeat way can mean very good (or beautiful etc.). And the French use it all the time that way. Depending on the speaker's tone it can either mean to be slightly negative or very positive.
I totaly agree with you, the tone is everything. "Franchement, c'était pas mal du tout !" can mean high praise, while "Ouais, bof, c'était pas mal, mais en fait je ne suis pas convaincu(e)" is negative.
I'm an American Francophile. HOW I wish we Americans (so many of us, anyway), would cut the overly-friendly crap. "Have an AWESOME day!" "I APPRECIATE YOU!" (Usually pronounced as "PREE-she-ate cha.") "Can I hug you??" (Mais non, quelle horreure!) Talking and laughing SO LOUDLY! HUGE ear-to-ear grins at strangers. Yet not starting interactions without first saying hello. I live in Santa Fe, NM. SO many rude people, especially the men. They walk up to the counter at fast food places and say to the server "yeah, gimme a No. 3." WTF?? 😮 Thanks for your content - greatly appreciated. 🙏🏻
20-25 years ago, the dog poop situation in Paris was way worse. The city started a massive fining campaign, reducing the number of shits by a lot but think about it, it used to snow more in the past : Paris in the winter was a war zone, filled with landmines.
As an American, my first experience with a French person was at the Paris CDG airport. I stopped at a restaurant in my terminal after my overseas flight, very hungry and very tired. All of the signs and allergy warnings were in French, so I just defaulted to a croissant because it was safest. I pointed to it in the case and said "This. Please." The French woman behind the counter looked at me and said (In English): "Can you say that in French?" And I looked at her like 👀😳 "Wha-?" This is an International airport, I thought to myself. And even she didn't speak English, I pointed very obviously at what I wanted. How much clearer could I be? She then got annoyed with me after my nonresponse, deer-in-headlights look and instead served the man behind me, ignoring me completely. I did not get to eat until much later when I asked my boyfriend to order in French for me (I only know Spanish, Latin, Danish, and Jap), and he had no problems. Was a strange and honestly quite rude first experience 😅
I don t understand why we have to speak English in France ? Why you didn’t do the effort to ask in French ? France is a 1000 years history, the most visited country in the world. Do not ask us to adapt to you. When I travelled to your country, I spoked English. If you want a tip next time, start your request by a simple bonjour, you will see, your life will become easier and you will find French not so rude
@@2adamast I assumed that's what the list of ingredients on each of the items in the case were..? I think most places have allergy warnings nowadays - especially at international airports
About doggo poo, good to know that since Sept 2023, the minimal fine for not picking up after your dog was raised to 135€. Some cities go higher, and some also fine for not carrying bags when walking your dog.
When I moved to Provence, I found outrageous how cashiers did small talk, making me wait in line. People will talk to you more casually in the South of France. I think it is a wrong statement to say that French are direct, I would say they are diplomatic. I live in the Netherlands now, people here are really blunt, they call it honesty. French are really sweet compared to people from Germany, Nordic countries and Est European countries.
They do small-talk with strangers in the south of France. I experienced it first-hand, as I speak French. Some older woman started telling about all of her health problems(very sane of mind). Other strangers started small-talk with me, too. In the north and central parts of France, expect less of this. Peace.
It's a matter of town size mainly and maybe also migrant background (where it's more relaxed). But yeah, what goes in Besançon can't always be done in Colmar. I'd bet it's also not the same between Dax and Nice or even between Aix and Avignon.
5:30 I am french, and it is unlikely to see me doing the "mm mmm" in conversation. Results? Most french people think that I am not listening at all, freak out on phone conversation or get angered.
Stereotypes aren’t universal. I’m French. I once had my flight from Paris to LA canceled and all passengers were sent to the same hotel. I had dinner at the same table as Americans I didn’t know. It was back in 2003 and two ladies started telling me how bad it was that France didn’t back up Bush in Iraq and asked quite aggressively what I thought of it. I didn’t say a word and still I don’t think I was the one who was rude. Awful dinner. Then I met people in LA who were not awful. 😉
Excellent video! Educational and even humorous. We feel fortunate to have French friends who took us under their wings and helped explained so many differences (which we LOVE). And could laugh together when we did/do something stupid unintentionally. In turn, I feel blessed as we get constant hugs when we're together. I can remember asking if I could give a hug when we first met and she grabbed me first. Happy New Year Diane and God bless.
This was very good! I spend a fair amount of time in France with friends each year and, interestingly, feel like I belong more in France than in the United States. An example is the debate culture, which I love. It’s frustrating to me that I can’t debate politics or religion at the dinner table in America without offending someone. Like you said, in France it’s a sort of sport and people don’t take it that seriously. Maybe things are especially bad in the U.S. right now because of the political divide; but in places like the upper Midwest, friendly debates have always been frowned upon. It’s interesting how each person has his or her own personal logic, and feels more affinity toward other cultures. I am definitely French-leaning.
we take it seriously alright; and some grudges are held. It's just if the topic come up a lot of people will often say what they think. In high society/high bourgeoisie it is absolutely taboo still, it's considered vulgar.
@@valdir7426 what? No. It's considered vulgar to have a grudge or to get too worked up (like yelling and stuff). Seriously when you're articulate and calm you get compliments, and interesting discussions. What kind of high bourgeoisie are you referring to?
"If you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all..." is the upper Midwestern mom's mantra. As opposed to, "If you can't say anything nice, then come over here and sit right here beside me." 🤭
@@catnextdoor5605 it's considered vulgar to speak about politics in high society. People who disagree can hold grudges; because a political discussion is not a nice debate disconnected from reality and where you have zero skin in the game. You can politely disagree but that's not always the case.
Several French friends have said that Americans must be very superficial because they are so friendly. They really can't understand that we have nuances of friendship too. They think this because we are so open and chatty with people we don't know. They think that if we do that, we must not go any deeper. It seems a fiercely ingrained belief that we are shallow. (Of course, much of this impression comes from tv and movies, as well as, well, superficial interactions with friendly Americans they have met briefly!) There is this thing though that the French do which is to have a need to approach things judgmentally in dualistic terms like good/bad, superior/inferior. They want answers in those terms, ie France is more this(a good thing) and the US is more that (a bad thing). They frame their inquiry that way while pretending to be interested. It feels like I am always having to defend the US which I don't always want to do, but I'm sick of being put in this position. I think it's very rude to be critical of another person's home country. Although I have some criticisms of France, I don't ever say "Let me tell you how shitty I think your country is." Why would I ever do that? I am struggling with this one particularly. But I am going to remember to not take it personally. I hope that I can find some creative ways to have this discussion too without feeling defensive and make it more interesting for everyone.
You seem oblivious to the demeaning manner in which many people from the USA regard cultural differences in the countries which they are visiting. This not just a US versus Europe matter, it is quite usual wherever they visit. I spent a lot of time in Sardegna where there was a US contingent of military service people operating the US controlled NATO base there. Despite them being well briefed in the particulars of that island's culture and traditions, the lack of respect for the local people was palpable, despite the reality that many of these 'peasants' were better educated and more widely travelled.
@@DrakeN-ow1im The military is not the smartest group of individuals. This is the uppity bigheadedness of Europeans I hate. You all judge a nation of 336 million by our youngest and least educated people. Our one nation is bigger than any of your single nations. You don't even know what you're talking about: the military isn't better educated and isn't necessarily more widely traveled and if they are, they aren't always leaving base. You all think you know SO MUCH about America and Americans and you don't know anything. Africans know more about Americans than Europeans do. Someone from New York City does not behave like someone from New York State. A Texan doesn't act like a Californian. With some places like Florida, it literally depends on where you are.
If you are polite and well spoken about it, you can communicate any points you wish about France's shortcomings to french people. They will debate you to death about it (even if they agree with you, taking the counterpoint just for a debate's sake), but that's the point: an argument only becomes valid if you lead it to an impregnable logical status. It's part of the desire for clear answers you mention. As for the "shallowness" of americans, it has more to do with how french people view the nature of friendship and notions of social respect rather than a slight against americans. We reserve being open and "close" to people who we know and trust, because we know it won't bother them. We consider the need for a sympathetic facade to be a hindrance that shouldn't be demanded of anybody, our interlocuters included, stern politeness being considered, well, more polite. Seeing you be "too friendly" makes us unable to determine if we are a bother or not, and confuses our understanding of friendship (from hard exterior to soft interior) It muddles our ability to communicate respectfuly, because the boundaries aren't clear, and as such, feel uncomfortable. In essence, the french are coconuts, the americans are peaches. It takes some work to pierce the coconut, but once you're in, you're in. The peach on the other hand, is seemingly all inviting, soft and sweet, but then you're taken aback by the pit and don't really know what to do with it, even if there is potentialy still some sweetness to be met deeper inside. Another aspect as mentioned by Drake under your comment is the contempt with which americans can treat other cultures. I'dd add to that that french people enjoy a bit of history, and they have long-lasting memories. The billet drapeau matter is not easily forgotten. Neither are the widespread cases of assaults against women by Allies in Normandy, Brittany and Champagne. To quote two people from the time living in a coastal city where GIs were awaiting their return to home: "we expected friends come to help us in humanity and good will. We were left with the arrogance of conquerors". Another added "with the germans we had to hide our men. With the americans, our women". It led older generations (nowadays) to be quite bitter, and resentment can be generational, even if the original reason was forgotten. The only way to fight that is individual humility and respect, which americans can often (on the surface, due to cultural differences in how to display it) fail to communicate.
Yes this. It comes off very disingenuous and insincere. I'm from north America and on my first french trip I learned this and it really made me self reflect on this behavior I myself did. I really have reeled it in ever since because when you're honest with yourself: it is disingenuous and insincere. We don't care about how the barista we don't know is doing or how their kids birthday went nor do they care about your dogs gotcha day celebration. And we forget about it 4 minutes after the interaction. But it's ingrained in us that it's "polite", in reality after reflection...it's quite invasive and weird, and a level of fake nice I don't aspire to
As a European who is also a French teacher, living in America I can definitely see both sides. It can be so difficult to explain this whole thing to my husband who is American who doesn’t understand this type of doing things. French culture is wonderful once understood!
That video was hilarious to me because I grew up around tourists of all kinds so I sort of know how rude some of our habits may come across, but I also know that I take daily pleasure in confusing American tourists whenever I get to interact with them 😂 I always do my best to help, but it sometimes gets funny. Even Japanese people are not as easily confused as Americans, because they're already assuming that all white people are pretty much barbarians, so you can't really disappoint them. Whereas Americans consider everywhere they travel as their 51th state or something. My American friends just love to bring and gift me some of their medical marijuana whenever they travel to France, which is absolutely illegal and severely enforced. And we're talking about well-educated, wealthy Californian tech/artist boomers with kids, so I can only imagine what your teenage backpacking stoners are up to. We told them repeatedly that French airports had police canines and that drug laws were severely enforced, but they just COULD NOT understand how those rules could even apply to them. It just doesn't make sense in their head. Said rules certainly applied to me because I later got arrested with their drugs, spent 1500€ on a lawyer and €1500 on fines after a trip to the courthouse 4 months later.
@@alexstokowsky6360 You're actually trying to portray me as the asshole of this story, which is insane 😂😂😂Midwest or no, I'm telling you American nationals are absolutely the only ones who think that local laws don't apply to them because their government can just bully other countries into giving them a pass. Everybody knows that, and unfortunately it is mostly correct. I mean, last year some giant black lesbian got caught with weed while travelling in Russia (how stupid do you have to be), and was eventually exchanged against that Russian international arms trafficker from Lord of War, which came across as both insane and hilarious to the whole world.
I'm afraid I'd feel very lonely in France, I'm older and live alone, and I cherish the friendly cashier and the smiles of those around me. I would truly miss friendly waves from neighbors, France is a lovely country, but I'm afraid I'd be considered the rude one, I couldn't help myself
Aww, no I think you'd pick up on the norms very quickly. People can be perfectly chatty and friendly once you get to know them in the right context. I always end up talking to my senior citizen neighbors. We wave to each other too. ;-)
I know exactly what you are saying. I love France and most Western European countries (I don't judge the East, I simply haven't been there, and I would't move there due to belligerent megalomania of Putin), and would love to retire there. However, it is toougher for older people to find and develop companionship in the first place. And having to avoid some pleasant, small human interaction, just as a means of regular social interaction, such as when you are just standing on line at a grocery store, I mean, wtf? I mean, I'm just talking about one exchange back and forth, maybe five seconds, or maybe even a minute if there's expressed mutual interest, what's the harm in that? Why limit ALL talk only to people you already know? And a simple wave? So, the question is, in such a social milieu, with these basic attitudes and norms--which seem absolutely, unnesseraily, non-productively anti-social, since they create absolute divides--are there groups such as book clubs or pickleball or hiking or something where locals AND expats actually get together specifcally for social interaction, or must you find a city with an expat community for companionship? I hear of Americans developing relationships with French people, but they all seem be younger people working there, having interactions as a matter of getting work objectives met, and from that something may develop. But if you don't have a job...? The second thing that is important to me is the political divide. I would like to escape it from here in the U.S.--where it is completely out of control with no possibility of reconciliation, much less just arresting it here or tempering the vitriol, the actual death threats and shootings--and have a peaceful retirement. But it SEEMS to be that every country in Western Europe has a growing divide, too, with very strong, unreconcilable differences. Less and less common ground where compromises can be achieved and productive action can be taken. I have explored Malta, Spain, Portugal, the UK, The Netherlands, Belgium, and Italy; I simply cannot go to a country where there is prolonged, extreme darkness and light, and I would really like to avoid harsh cold. I have looked briefly at Ireland and Switzerland, but they both have immigration requirements that would be difficult for us. It seems the countries we have looked more deeply at are all heating up, pretty much all over the same issues. I mean, there is no point in leaving the U.S. if I can't find some peace somewhere else... In countries where the media is in a foreign language like France, it's even harder to determine the extent and intensity of the division, what it's going to be like over the next ten or twenty years. And it can be difficult to find locals talking about it online, to determine what the attitudes are and where things stand.
@@izzytoonsYou really take everything to its extreme. For social interactions, it's only when you meet a person for the first time. If you meet him several times, there is no problem even if it remains only an acquaintance. But saying "Hey! How are you" to someone you're meeting for the first time is just awkward.
@@Kamonohashiii People in the U.S. will say such stuff just in passing on the street, without even breaking stride. "Hi." "How ya doin'?" "Good, how 'bout you?" "Good." Nothing awkward at all. Just two people exchanging a pleasantry as they pass on the street. Moreover, I never mentioned anything about someone asking someone else how they're doing if they're just standing next to each other at a bus stop or something. What was being discussed here is simple small talk that might occur. Like, say the bus is really late and someone says something about it to someone else. Or someone might drop something out of their basket on line at the grocery store and the person behind them might say that happens to them all the time or something. Or someone at a bar orders one thing and gets another, and the person next to them makes a remark. In each case the remark may go unanswered, it may be responded to, or it may lead to an exchange. Small talk. And sometimes that small talk might lead to an actual conversation. But it's rare that someone would get frosty over it. Or that everyone around might do so. What I am reacting to is the idea that many have expressed here and on many other video comment threads is that casual remarks/conversations are frowned upon in some countries. Like you have be formally introduced or see someone for four days in a row or something to simply open your mouth and expect an actual smile or something. Weird.
I've lived 9 years in the US and just got back to France :) this is so true! Will show this to my American friends visiting. Love how you put emphasis on cultural differences!
Enjoy your content, Diane! I have found that getting along with others is quite easy (simple) , be kind, show respect! No problem with French, Spanish, Italians or anyone else!!!
Interesting topic 😊 ! I'm french and I hate people here not picking up dog poop ! I agree that a lot of progress have been made in the last decades but there's still work to do 😂😅!
The only rudeness I've experienced with French people was with irritated Parisians. It was the only place I took the Canadian flags off my bags. I could understand enough French to know that the people at that bakery were commenting about how I'm Canadian and don't speak French. I had trouble recalling words to speak because I'm from English Canada and didn't do French immersion in school. Most other countries people are flattered you are even trying to speak their language. In Paris I got irritation. I get that most of France isn't Paris.
Perhaps but they won’t try to run you off because they want the next tip. They are paid a salary so you can sit and enjoy your cafe’ at your leisure without feeling guilty.
The idea of tipping is wrong in the first place: what was at the beginning like 100 years ago a gratuity has become so far buisiness subsidy . You are the one who literally pays salary to the waiters and not the buisiness owner. So they pass a payroll on you treating you as an idiot with "cultural things". Making you feel guilty and rude. This is how hideous it is...
Hi Diane, the origin of the French word « débat » (i.e debate) is basically what is done to avoid the fight. Maybe it explains the french way to discuss during dinners…
Nice video. Fun fact, tipping was a European tradition in the 1800s, Americans got jealous and thought it was swank to tip so we started tipping into the 1900s. The Europeans by then stopped the practice. I may have my years off by a couple of decades but I'm close.
I love videos like this - I watched so many etiquette videos before our trip to France, helped us so much! Not only does it help someone feel more comfortable in a different culture, but it also helps with expectations. Watching them with my boys got them more excited about our trip at the time and motivated them to try and learn some french before we went in 2019. Counter and wait staff thought it was really cute when my youngest at the time would try to speak french to them. Honestly though, I am so tired of every video or post having to put out a million 'caveats' so that trolls may be dissuaded not to say 'but what about this? or that? or them?" - gets old. One video or meme can't touch on every aspect of a topic - scroll along with the negativity.
Sorry it gets old but it's important for me to be clear on my point of view and the intention behind my videos. There's always nuance with topics like this.
You or others explaining don’t get old - it’s the nitpicky people that get old. I probably didn’t word that well because not only am I tired of negative people - I’m just tired 😜
As someone who has lived in the US all their life, I find many Americans extremely conflict-averse and the concept of debate gets into that. Regarding directness, there’s plenty of it in New York and Philadelphia. Not as much in the south or Midwest.
Watching videos on here I find that many Americans are nice but often there is a gushy sweetness about it that I find is over the top. Left wondering how much of it is genuine.
2nd point, it’s not a feeling, we are not interested in people we don’t know, unless that person seems to need help or support, but if the other don’t show a need for help or something we leave them alone, it’s a form of respect.
@@izzytoons you like taking the part that suits you well and ignore the second part. It’s like americans with their second amendment they take the part with « americans have the right to bear arms » and completely ignore the « well regulated militia » part.
@uFair enoguh. I'm usua;;y more careful. I did not digest your comment fully. You are right. For what's it worth, I hate what people do with the second amendment.
I m a french bartender in paris, and a quarter of my income is from tips. Please. Guys, let a tip. A lot of french do it though, even if it s not the custom here, but be nice to the barman, he'll be nice to you
Cultural norms are very deep! People cannot really become aware of their own culture unless they spend significant time in a foreign country. It is like the scales falling off your eyes. When you finally return to your native land and get hit with reverse culture shock, then you realize the true nature of cultural difference.
If the French are anything like the Dutch on the "not possible" part, they wouldn't expect you to push until you squeezed a "yes" out of them. The "it's not possible" response while it in theory should be, is a sign you shouldn't ask, as it's probably regarded as an unreasonable question in that situation. You can encounter this especially if it relates to adapting dishes on a menu. If you don't want to piss people off, you should just take the little inconvenience and work with what IS possible. (And yes I agree that it's frustrating a times!)
As a Frenchy French, I have learned very quickly to be careful about what I discuss where and with whom when I moved to North America. And not just because of how rude I might come off or how heated it can turn. Even when you find people who are able to go over the cultural difference in debating or even discussing anything, it's hard to - in addition to that - find people who are able to follow with it for more than two minutes. I met maybe two or three Americans I feel comfortable having real talks with. But other than that, the "all I'm saying is " comes without two or three exchanges with no return back. Which I understand to be a polite way to say "i just want to say things and not talk about it". It's a bit frustrating, especially when you actually had a very interesting discussion starting for the first time in months with someone and it all goes to nothing within two sentence. Like a weak soufflé.
She is absolutely right about debates in America. They get ugly and personal very fast. Most people are very unreasonable about topics like religion, politics, race, even sports teams, and every challenge is treated like someone is trying to burn your house down and piss on your ancestor's graves even if it is just over the question, " which is better, ketchup or mustard?" If anyone, a neighbor, a fellow church goer, an old frien, slides up next to you and quietly asks who you voted for in a local or national election, they're asking hoping you voted the same way or so they can rip into you for having a different opinion. It is ugly.
3. Être honnête mais avec tact, juste dire la vérité brute c'est rude j'avoue mais d'un autre côté ce que vous appelez "diplomatie" si c'est trop un mensonge ça devient de l'hypocrisie et c'est très mal vu en France (et encore plus chez moi à Tahiti, "hypocrite" est une de pire insulte qu'on puisse faire, c'est accuser l'autre de ne pas être vrai)
Love this content. I’m French and having to justify our norms and things that are perfectly acceptable for us is really tiring actually.. I have travelled extensively and often need to explain it’s not meant to be rude or ‘no, we don’t deserve the reputation you put on us’. I know very often the stereotype is to say’oh, you experienced this in France or with a French person’, well duh! It’s normal, they are all rude. It’s frankly frustrating. 😅
Yeahhhh, so many rude comments from non-French people about the French on the video before this one about things Americans do that the French find rude. Glad you enjoyed the video, Carole!
Alas, as a 50 something year old French person, I see that it is more and more difficult to discuss with people in France, especially with people from the young generation. Many of them are unable to be open minded, to agree to disagree, they take everything too seriously and personally... Thanks for the Mmmm, I didn't know that it could be seen as a rude thing by American people.
I agree ( 60s here ). They often misunderstand words and generally don't have the same cultural references as us older generations. Apart from family, I avoid them, we have no commonalities whatsoever particularly the youngest of the lot ( born after the turn of the century). What's striking is that they don't know metaphoric speech they take everything at face value 😮
Wow. Maybe my advisory teacher had a French background when I was student teaching years ago in the US. The only compliment I got the whole time was when she looked at a handout I made and she said, "This isn't bad." Yeah...that was a rough semester.
I know. I don’t look for validation as I’m not an insecure person, but I do rely on feedback to make sure I’m on the right track and not squandering my energy.
That approach is not unknown in the UK, although mostly not as extreme. I think in the USA, you are used to exuberant praise for every little thing from a very young age, which can sound very over the top to most British ears. We are less reserved than we used to be but when we praise something we will utter a simple “well done” or “l enjoyed that. Thank you,” or “quite good.” We save the really goods, fantastics and excellents for when they are deserved, otherwise they lose their meaning. Awesome is generally not in our vocabulary, either. We tend not to be loud and bouncy in our praise, either.
Hm, I’m starting to feel like I haven’t lived in the U.S. my entire life, but it’s possible it is a regional and/or generational thing to give exuberant praise for less than exceptional work.
I like your style. Very much. I like that you go straight to the point you want to make and you put things in the context. I find your talks warm and honest and friendly. This attitude of yours matches perfectly with my positive stereotype of the Americans, I mean the good qualities I have in mind when I think of the American People. Thank you.
As french, I can say that the youngs are really friendly with people in the street even if they don’t know them. It is more the “old” people who are making different. For exemple the youngs don’t mind if you are not using the formal “you” (tu is informal / vous is formal) while it would be disrespectful to say tu to an older person because we know how do they think. So we are really open in France, sometime too open but anyway open. (We are honest 😂)
Since I'm acadienne, perfectly bilingual, and now living in the States but having worked in Belgium and France for years, it's interesting to see how some of this is absolutely seen in l'Acadie and in the Louisiana, somewhat more of them in Québec and New England. Wallonne culture is also unique, but shares even more. Picards and Normans can seem even colder, but I think they're much more aware of how insular they can seem and they work too overcome it with strangers. French-speaking France seems just as odd to those of us used to North American French culture and that of other cultures from the langues d'oïl.
Hi,, The comment about French, being reserved and Understated (as in its not bad, rather than its great/awesome) I think you could equally be talking about the English verses the US. Until this video, I had no idea, English and French are so alike.
well, given that England and France are geographically right next to each other and share a long common history, it shouldn't be surprising that the British (particularly the English) and French mentalities are close to each other! I think most of the points in the video are common to Europeans in general as compared to Americans, not just the French.
In France the way we use "not bad" instead of "good" is a bit more tricky than it seems, there is an implicit validation when you say something is good. For example if I eat something I like but it was made by someone I don't quite know I will say "it's not bad" and it will mean "it's good", if I say "it's good" it means "I really like it and I really enjoy it". But if it's my son or someone I'm close to I will say that "it's good" If I like it and in case I use a "not bad" it would mostly mean "I don't want to hurt your feelings but it's not that good". French is a lot context dependant it can be tricky
20% tips? That's a lot. It means that dining out is really expensive. And that American habit of strangers asking quite personal questions I find intrusive, and want to say "How dare they?" And I'm not even French.
I love lively debates, not fake chatting to strangers, direct, honest communication, not tipping at restaurants and mmh mmh mmh. Guess I'm in the wrong country.😂
Not tipping when you KNOW the price you are are paying is partially paid by the waiter being underpaid (so they are subsidizing you), and you KNOW they are paid relatively nothing, and you KNOW restaurants are leaving you in the position of deciding whether you wish to exploit that waiter or not, is...well, there's no point in saying, I guess. Because you KNOW...
I live in Australia, and I've had a gutful of the 'How are you?' non sense of its people. 'How are you' for? 1. Break fast. 2. Morning tea. 3. Walking down the corridor. 4. In the lift. 5. At the post office. 6. At any shop. 7. 'How are you' towards dying patients in a hospice. 8. At the scene of a serious accident. 9. 'How are you' to strangers. etc. 10. All day long, and 365 days per year. 11. The answer to the 'How are you?' is always 'Good and how are you?. NO ONE IS EVER UNWEL!!!! 12. I prefer to live in Europe. 13. Australia is a primary school. 14. IF I REPLY TO THE 'HOW ARE YOU?' WITH A 'I AM MISERABLE TODAY', I RECEIVE A WEIRD STARE.
I don't see why I should suffer financial consequences because of the restaurant owner's greediness. Tipping is reserved as a reward for exceptional service. Perhaps if Americans stopped tipping for even the slightest service, greedy employers would be forced to offer reasonable wages.
As a French autistic person, I was really surprised when you mentioned that French people are direct and honest. From my experience, it's quite the opposite. Even sociologists describe countries like France and Japan as high-context cultures, where communication is less direct and often filled with subtext. In contrast, countries like the US and Germany are considered low-context cultures, meaning they're generally more straightforward and honest. For autistic people like me, low-context cultures can be a lot easier to navigate. Personally, I've found it much easier to communicate with Americans and Germans, which aligns with what sociologists say.
It's delightful to watch your video, you really understand french culture so well. For point number 7, I don't know anybody that doesn't think it's super rude to leave dog poop on the street. And... people have accidents because of that all years. People leaving it get a fine if they get caught. I even remember a city planning on doing DNA tests on the dog poop to find the owners (sorry I can't recall which city was considering it). And still... I do see dog poop all the time. I think some people are so rude that they do it while knowing perfectly that it's not okay. I saw people being shamed for that not only because it's dirty but because it's genuinely dangerous. So on point for number 1! Honestly if I had to live in a country where lively debates where not part of the local culture, that's what I would miss the most. To me it's a fantastic way to chat about important subject while not taking ourselves too seriously (because I can myself being a bit dramatic, using my hands while I speak, it is a bit theatrical). And in my opinion, doing that with our loved ones show that we respect and value their opinion, we don't need them to share our opinion to love them. No matter how heated it could look in someone else eyes, we then share a good cup of coffee and plan on the next lunch together. For point number 2, which is again so well explained, do you know the expression "on a pas élevé les cochons ensemble"? I laugh each time I hear it and it's exactly what many could say in this kind of social interaction (not to the person acting too friendly, but later while telling it to someone else).
Thank you for this very interesting video. I am British, but found myself thinking “well we do this” about several of your points. We find overt expressions of praise uncomfortable - quite good or really rather nice are our go-to phrases. We also like our personal space. We don’t shy away from debates, either. I was amazed at the French being described as direct. I would have said the opposite was true. The Dutch are known to be the most direct people in Europe. I think the British, despite being renowned as polite people will let you know their feelings quite easily, as much by what they DON’T say as by what they do say, which is pretty direct in its own way. I will borrow a word from our French friends - froideur, which is the atmosphere that arises when a British person is offended. In many ways, this video reinforces what I have thought for a long time. - that culturally we have far more in common with our Continental neighbours than the USA. However, as you rightly pointed out, it is not that one country has everything right and another wrong. We can all learn from each other and accept that, while something may not be done in the way in which we are used, it does not mean that it is automatically wrong.
@@alexstokowsky6360 I would agree with you with the possible exception of the Dutch. I think Western Europeans, at least, are culturally more similar than many would admit, language differences notwithstanding. There is a definite north-south difference, with France being somewhere in between, which it is, of course, geographically as well as culturally. I have been privileged to met some lovely Americans but, even though they more or less speak the same language as we do, there are far more cultural differences and experiences between our two nations. Two nations divided by a common language indeed.
Another funny thing, when you come across people who speak their mind without mincing words, you call them based and honest. If they happen to be french, they're rude.
Not me. Depending what they are being frank about, and how biting their words, how offensive and/or insulting, I will think they're an asshole, in either country.
As a French ESL teacher in France, I always warn my students about point n° 6 : if an American tells you your work is "amazing" or "fantastic", just bear in mind that you did OK. "Pas mal", donc ... I often compare this to the British habit of understatement.
Friendly and casual style of conversation in the US actually means shallow. No conversation in North America can have any substance as everyone will always get offended by anything.
I bring homemade treats to my immunotherapy team. Today I got to have my favorite nurse. She likes to practice her English with me and I practice my French with her. When I said I brought treats she did a little dance! It totally cracked me up and didn’t seem French! 😂
