7 Reasons Why Readers Will DNF Your Book

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Are you afraid readers might give up on your book halfway through because they’re bored? What can you do to avoid this terrible fate? In this video, I’m sharing the 7 reasons why readers DNF books and how you can avoid these pitfalls, based on my personal experiences and research. Grab a notebook and let’s dive into these literary traps-and learn how to keep your readers glued until they've turned the very last page!
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27 сен 2024

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@mollyrafferty801 4 месяца назад

TIMESTAMPS: 2:14 1) Not enough internal conflict 4:19 2) Readers encounter content they didn't expect/you didn't prepare them for 6:06 3) The pacing slows way down and the story loses momentum 9:08 4) Not enough of what readers came for 10:34 5) Writing is overly dense/hard to read 12:36 6) Deviating too much from the main characters we care about 14:25 7) This just isn't the book for them (nothing you can do about that)

@dcutestluv9023 4 месяца назад

Thank you❤

@paulblase3955 4 месяца назад

#3: Robert Jordan’s “Wheel of time” series. The first few novels are good, then they start wandering all over the place.

@matthewwriter9539 4 месяца назад

Number five might be my biggest problem when it comes to writing.

@dakinayantv3245 4 месяца назад

I dnf grr Martin's a feast for crows because of 2,3,4 and 6. I actually lost interest in the rest of the series.

@HannahLoisJorquia 4 месяца назад

HELP ME All of this is why no one really care about my books I just published on Wattpad.I do really think it's mediocre but I spent many hours and days to write them 😭😭😭.How can I be a better writer

@ajoshstricklin 4 месяца назад

“We can also kill momentum when we-“ Ad plays “-deviate too much with these separate topics that take us away from the main objective.” Hilarious timing.

@dianabanana7394 4 месяца назад

My biggest reasons for DNFing are 1) characters who don't feel like real people, 2) poor writing, and 3) lack of internal logic within the story

@NeoPokebonz 4 месяца назад

What is poor writing in your opinion?

@billyb4790 4 месяца назад

What do you mean by internal logic ? Could you elaborate?

@jøy_what_riley_loves_the_most 4 месяца назад

'poor writing' is too general, the other points were clear tho

@dianabanana7394 4 месяца назад

@@billyb4790 maybe there's a more technical term for it, but I meant when the established world and/or characters contradict themselves. For example when the world building doesn't make sense, character actions go against their established personalities/life circumstances, etc.

@dianabanana7394 4 месяца назад

@@NeoPokebonz that's a great question because I couldn't come up with anything concrete right away lol but generally, when the writing on a sentence level is clunky enough to bring me out of a story. For example, awkward phrasing or word use, using "intelligent" vocabulary in slightly incorrect contexts, etc. And more personally to me, if the writing suffers from similar issues to my writing in middle school, I would consider it poor writing.

@durandaldevil 4 месяца назад

I retired at 56 to finally write full-time. And I find your videos so damn helpful. Keep up the great work!

@brandic89 4 месяца назад

That sounds wonderful! Good for you! Extra money will never replace a purpose.

@durandaldevil 4 месяца назад

@@brandic89 Well said. Thank you!

@kassandra0 4 месяца назад

12:47 This bothers me about tv series so much too! It’ll be season five and the main characters won’t even be in the show for three episodes straight and I’ll just be sitting there bored to death, hoping the main characters will come back in the next scene, not caring about what’s happening 😭

@scloftin8861 4 месяца назад

I think the only show I remained interested in when the MC was out for a bit was Hercules the legendary journeys, oh, well, his sidekick was also an MC and the writing was a lot of fun. (We learned that Sorbo had damaged his shoulder doing a couple of stunts and that's why we had Herc lite eps.)

@cooliostarstache5474 4 месяца назад

Scott Gimple Syndrome

@LittleWriterSquirrel 4 месяца назад

Hawkeye did this to me!🫠 I loved his character so much in the original movies, and I wanted a show about HIM, not the random deaf girl who’s working for the bad guys… seriously, was she only in there to set up for the spin off or something?!

@7Write4This9Heart7 3 месяца назад

Mood! This is one of my least fave things about shows! Now, if they're a genuinely GOOD side character? Hell, yeah, I'm all for it! But a lot of series, they're not, and it's REALLY awful! lol.

@bri_antics 4 месяца назад

I would say, writing style is a big contender in what makes me DNF a book. If I don't connect with the author's style, then I just drop it 😥

@jessieorozco6490 4 месяца назад

This comment should have a lot more likes. I completely agree about writing style. Everyone like something different.

@benboxer2776 4 месяца назад

I agree, this is the reason why so many people I came across don’t read. Because certain writers write dull content, have uninspiring storytelling that the reader feel as if they wasted their money on paper that bored them half to death. Luckily most people like my poetic lyrical flow, bad part it gets stolen a lot…

@Alexindiegamedev 4 месяца назад

My top 4 reasons for a DNF. 1. Exposition dump. 2. Blabbering on. (Read a book once where the author took 2 pages talking how much they loved bacon instead of getting to the story about accidental timetravel instant DNF. 3.Characters I can't connect with 4. No conflict or plot to catch my attention by the 1st 10 minutes

@marikothecheetah9342 3 месяца назад

"No conflict or plot to catch my attention by the 1st 10 minutes" - Wow, you must have great attention span... :/

@Alexindiegamedev 3 месяца назад

@marikothecheetah9342 There is actually a science behind that ite even taught in film, animation and storyboard writing schools cause no one would care about a character like say batman if he was just some spoiled rich kid with no issues to relate to

@marikothecheetah9342 3 месяца назад

@@Alexindiegamedev "that ite even taught in film, animation and storyboard writing schools" - you do realise books are a different medium? Or not? What works in one might not necessarily work in the other. Books are not limited by the time so strictly as movies or animations are, and 10 minutes for the book is still pretty little time to often really tell what the book is all about. But unfortunately books have been fast-fooded so people can boast off that they "read books" :/

@Alexindiegamedev 3 месяца назад

@@marikothecheetah9342 That is a very fair point

@S3mi7 2 месяца назад

yeah I don't like when they have too much inner dialogue or too much descriptions. I love when it's just the right amount to where you forget you're reading and you're just in that world of the book.

@jeyhey5320 4 месяца назад

The main reason why I put a book down is not that it is boring, it is always because it annoys me: The character makes a stupid choice; the author is too hard trying to be original; the story is cliché; the theme is repeating ideas that I heard a hundred times.

@davidlinkowski2577 Месяц назад

Not original but not cliche. Though crowd...

@sanfransiscon 4 месяца назад

The biggest things that make me DNF a book are: 1. Forced conflict through cliches like minor miscommunication or a sudden rival love interest 2. Heavy-handed moralizing, or holier-than-thou enlightened protagonists

@brandic89 4 месяца назад

But what if the protagonists are born into a strict family and appreciating their care, but struggling to breathe under some of it? Would you DNF a book with a character who was born into a strict family, or who suddenly met an ex-girlfriend (which shocks us even though it frequently happens in real life)?

@sanfransiscon 4 месяца назад

@@brandic89 I'm not sure which of the points the strict family situation is referring to, but for both of these, they feel like elements that would be important enough to be show up in the synopsis and thus not feel like a sudden shift. They'd be part of why someone would or would not read that story in the first place. But if an ex character suddenly appears and disrupts what I was reading for (seeing the main couple the story was supposed to be about)? I'm done. Though that tends to happen more often with series than standalone books.

@freedomthroughspirit 4 месяца назад

Yes! Good examples, 100%.

@brandic89 4 месяца назад

@sanfransiscon Thank you. Well, the strict family birth was referring to your point of how you would be done if you read a "self-righteous" character. This character would not be exactly "self-righteous," but would retain some of the qualities of self-discipline and morality and love for his parents he was brought up with. But what if a character was beginning to fall for a love interest, still in denial, and then suddenly met his ex who is no longer in the picture, but who shocked the protagonist into considering her love interest romantically? (Of course, her love interest would not get back together with his ex, but still, shocking to discover and meet her, separately.) And what if this is what raised the stakes and opened the protagonist's eyes? We do love to watch a character suffer, and this suffering is quite realistic. Believe me.

@ShayanMallick29 4 месяца назад

That was one of the reasons i almost DNF'd ASOUE. Glad i didnt though, it was a great story, even though the Baudelaires and basically the entire fire fighting side of VFD were all a goody two shoes. The netflix series is also great, but the books are definitely darker.

@amyschmelzer6445 4 месяца назад

The last book I dnfed was due to bad marketing. It was a 550 page historical fiction. I didn’t read the blurbs on the book until I was at page 100. Not a single thing in the blurb had even happened yet! I kept on for another 50 pages and the blurb was still spoiling events that hadn’t happened yet.

@marikothecheetah9342 3 месяца назад

Well, that is justified. 100 pages is practically one fifth of the book, something should have happened by then.

@GleamDrawz 4 месяца назад

Somehow this video filled the plothole of “why does this REALLY matter though?” I had internal conflict, but no misbelief. The conflict felt flat and the story had holes because of that. Now I can see my story as clear as day, something that's been hard for me recently. Thank you

@freedomthroughspirit 4 месяца назад

The book Story Genius by Lisa Cron gets into the misbelief importance very well in case you are interested.

@GleamDrawz 4 месяца назад

@@freedomthroughspiritill check it out! Ty!!

@mar00ned1ts 4 месяца назад

one of my biggest dnf reasons, especially in romance, is excessive smut, especially considering how much its ingrained into the romance community now. like in Icebreaker, there was smut nearly every chapter. it was excessive and suffocating and lacked any real plot or reasoning,

@matthewwriter9539 4 месяца назад

I didn't know what DNF stood for when I started watching this video, yet I was able to guess it correctly just before you said it.

@scarecrowsurprise 3 месяца назад

As a case study I urge anyone to study the movie Gladiator (2000), for any medium of story telling; - Every scene serves a clear and distinct purpose. - Every character has clear motivations, and characters remain consistent throughout, and character arcs are clear. - The world is fleshed out without smaller details over shadowing elements of the plot, and there are no distractions from the main thread. - The main character is shown to be strong in the first scene, but then the movie introduces a different kind of villain, someone who is the antithesis of the hero, cold and calculating and matches strength with intelligence and cunning. - There is no soggy middle, in fact the middle is the best part.

@zenmariac7956 4 месяца назад

My top 3 DNF reasons: 1. Unlikable main characters - bratty, idiotic, entitled female characters or unbelievably stupid and unreliable male characters. 2. Inconsistent character behavior - doing things that they would never do just to drive problems and create plot. 3. Staying the story with an easily avoidable lie or mistake or omission of information that snowballs into a disaster. Oh - okay 4. Clearly incompatible “lovers” That’s start out hating each other for no reason just to fight like spoiled elementary aged siblings in order to create friction. So tired, exhausted, of that trope.

@marikothecheetah9342 3 месяца назад

"Clearly incompatible “lovers” That’s start out hating each other for no reason just to fight like spoiled elementary aged siblings in order to create friction." - yes, yes, yes and yes. And freaking yes.

@Tjtellsthetruth 4 месяца назад

I knew my instinct as a writer was spot on. Thank you I feel so much more confident in my writing and I will just freewrite and go with my gut thank you!

@DraQinn 4 месяца назад

ESPECIALLY subplots that never actually are never resolved much less even addressed a second time, stuff that didn't even matter to the story only simply to extend the length of the book.

@7Write4This9Heart7 3 месяца назад

OOF! YES! Those drive me up the WALL! X'D

@epiphoney 4 месяца назад

Authors, pay attention! I judge all books by Ken Follett's preference: "I like the story to turn every 4-6 pages" and feeling the emotion of the character.

@splitp1 4 месяца назад

I am o glad you included #7. It's so important for writers to know that not all writing is not for everyone. Great list overall. hanks for the video.

@klv3160 4 месяца назад

Here's a topic suggestion. I hear writing advice that says you need internal conflict, character contradictions, and the lies the character believes. I feel like these are jargon terms that can be misleading or difficult to connect with my specific writing. For example, when I hear "internal conflict", What does that mean and how does it manifest itself in writing? My first reaction is, "Oh, I guess I need paragraphs of the protagonist thinking about what just happened to them." So then I start to worry. In my story, the protagonist experiences bullying. Every encounter, I don't stop the narrative with a paragraph of how he feels. But as the story progresses, it is clear that mentally it's harming the protagonist through what he's doing and how he's reacting. I don't know if that's the same thing as internal conflict as you refer to it. So I guess besides just using jargon, perhaps a episode where you give specific examples would be helpful.

@weewoosilly 4 месяца назад

yes, i'm very confused on what "internal conflict" means as well😭 i would love a video on the specifics of these terms

@Lovelightshine-cn8wz 4 месяца назад

Self doubt, fears, irrational thinking...things one struggles with emotionally. Your external conflict might be having to take a flight to NYC when you are terrified of flying. The internal conflict might be overcoming struggling to overcome the fear. Why can't I just get on the plane like all these other people Or wanting to be loved but sabotaging every potential relationship because of what might happen if you let them close enough. A mental emotionally driven conflict..lie or mis belief that gets in the way of achieving your goal.

@tsukkiyuna 4 месяца назад

I think internal conflict is just characters being torn between two decisions: one is what they truly want to do, the other is what their fear is telling them to. Let's say in your example, your character might struggle between fighting back or not. You don't necessarily have to detail how he feels every time. Hinting at what he wants to do, then a brief run through of his reasoning for why he ends up not doing it or chooses an ineffective alternative, should be enough. You can then proceed to explain, whether through backstories or interactions with other relevant characters, why he makes the choices that he does, because internal conflict is always rooted in something that wounded a character emotionally. It could be an abusive parent that punished him severely for trying to stand up for himself, for example. Or it could also be that he has pretty decent parents, except that they're the type to invalidate his anger so he ends up not knowing what to do with it.

@lasagnafrenchtoasthoneybutter Месяц назад

Yes. for others replying to this, I have an example with a mc/oc I'm hoping I can create. My character is intended for animation, so that may change the vibe, because I just can't think in writing terms, but anyway. Internal conflict for this character, They hate their life and feel numb, when they find this new world, they try to avoid going back as much as possible, but they can't escape conflict. So this is their internal conflict, and the conflict that they can't escape, would be their secondary, external conflicts. For the lie that the character believes. They believe that they can't open up to people, and they need to isolate themselves from other people when things get tough, because they don't want to make their problems, problems for others. This is a lie that they truly believe and must face in order for the conflict to be resolved. The way this comes together is that, the character avoids going home for so long that their exit is disappearing. They realize they might never get the life they wanted. They just wanted to escape for a little while and wait out the hard parts. They're mental health starts to decline even more as they start looping their negative thoughts and go through a thought spiral. They push away these people that are very important to them, and can only figure out a solution when they decide to accept help and attempt to improve their own negative mindset. If you made it through that long paragraph, good job! You made it through one of my infodumping sessions!

@LivTheElf 4 месяца назад

Abbie! you should make a video about how to write third wheels! (if there’s even enough stuff to talk about, lol)

@AbbieEmmons 4 месяца назад

Great suggestion!

@LivTheElf 4 месяца назад

@@AbbieEmmons no way, you replied!!! thank you!💗💗

@Revecca21 4 месяца назад

Also a big one is unrealistic shenanigans. I can suspend disbelief only so far. Like in fantasy of course there can be magic systems and creatures but I’m talking about far fetched scenarios that either go against what you’ve established with your characters, or just breaks the rules of the world. I feel like I’ve seen authors do this to manufacture conflict (or resolution) and it’s incredibly frustrating and takes me out of the story.

@Getoutofthewoods 4 месяца назад

In one memorable DNF billed as a romance novel, someone started stalking the MC. This was a disaster for me. I had begun to relate to her and wanted her to fall in love. Instead, I was scared out of my wits. I lived alone just like her. We were the same age. When I started having nightmares, I had to put it down.

@billyb4790 4 месяца назад

lol I did just the opposite. I thought I was getting a mafia genre when it turned out to be a romance novel. So instead of a gritty underworld story I got some girl wondering page after page if some man loved her the way she loved him and if only she could change him.

@amyschmelzer6445 4 месяца назад

Sounds like bad marketing not bad writing. I’ve stopped reading blurbs because I’ve been burned too many times. I would rather have no expectations than unmet expectations.

@LittleWriterSquirrel 4 месяца назад

I picked up what I thought was spy thriller only to find out in the last five chapters that it was psychological and the character I thought I related to because she was CLEARLY being gaslight by the villains was actually mental😅 that was the first and last time I ever picked up that genre!!

@knghtmajic 4 месяца назад

Thank you. These are great points for me to consider going forward.

@billyb4790 4 месяца назад

The biggest one for me would have to be character motivation, which is basically like your reason #1. If I feel a character is just meandering around and there's no clear internal motivation- or if the motivation is unrealistic then I lose interest real fast. To me, a story is all about the characters and the characters are all about their internal struggles and motivations.

@paulphillips-xn8dw 4 месяца назад

1. Listing the roads the characters drive down to get somewhere. I've read too many books to count in which a chapter will spend two or more pages describing the route someone takes to get somewhere. "He drove to the hospital" will do. I don't need to know all the road names and what the houses looked like. 2. Life histories of characters who have no bearing on the plot. Often found in police/detective books. For example, when we get the whole life story of a character who finds the dead body that sets the plot off, then we never hear about them again. 3. Describing the detail of a room/house down to the type of curtains and wallpaper. 4. Describing everything that a character sees when, for example, they go for a walk, and it has no relevance to, or bearing on, anything at all happening in the story. As you can tell, too much description is a killer for me! Set the scene, yes, but keep the focus on character and story.

@FightingFirefly 4 месяца назад

Hi Abbie, great video as always :) to point 7 I would complement the time aspect. Sometimes it's just the wrong book at the wrong time or period in life. It can be worth a second try some weeks, months or even years later.

@videnlu966 3 месяца назад

Totally agree,this has happened several times to me throughout the years. I remember my teenage self crying over a bitter sweet ending and not really understanding the theme. And years later I was like that makes sense hahhaha 😂

@thatonepossum5766 4 месяца назад

I DNFed a book once because it wasn’t as-advertised. An official Minecraft novel that was centered more around dealing with the trauma of a car crash than an exciting fantasy video game adventure. It was also painfully inconsistent with how the world worked, both internally and in connection with the game it was based on (which I’ve put hundreds of hours into). There was also one I DNFed because the whole thing was written in 2nd person (library book, so I didn’t do much looking into the book before starting it). It was very uncomfortable to read, and felt like there was no main character, despite there being multiple main characters (all written in 2nd person). I didn’t get past the first chapter, but did skim ahead to see if it changed.

@MlecznyHuxel9999 4 месяца назад

I remember reading said minecraft book years ago, it was the reason why I stopped reading these official novels haha

@thatonepossum5766 4 месяца назад

@@MlecznyHuxel9999 I’m weirdly glad to know I’m not the only one who was bothered by that book. 😅

@MlecznyHuxel9999 4 месяца назад

@@thatonepossum5766 Same here 🐝

@sakareeh 4 месяца назад

Whoa what? Whats the book called

@magicmoon65 4 месяца назад

#6 is big in books with POV switches. In books with POV switches, or when you're deciding whether or not to do POV switches, think about if the reader will just want to get trhough one POV before going back to the other. Having to slog through a ton of story before getting back to the one you care about is really annoying. I want to expand on 2 though. People are SO afraid of spoiling! No! Stop it! I want to know what to expect. I don't want the end spoiled but the premise and major aspects of it should not be a suprise because I want to know what I'm getting into. I dind't dnf this example because it suprised me with something I liked MORE, but I have a gripe with this one book because the first few paragraphs of his POV tell us he was kidnapped and is being forced to help a theif. This is not mentioned AT ALL in the plot summary. It's not a spoiler, it's literally the premise, it should have been in the blurb.

@XBluDiamondX 3 месяца назад

Yeah, there is only one book series I read where POV switches was a huge detriment. Usually, if the book's plot description says there's a few main characters the story will be told through, I'm usually fine with that. But there was one book series that didn't do that. First book was one primary character. Then as I read other books, the authors started add POV's of other characters. Some were minor, others were put the middle of the story as major players. The initial main character I took an interest in was slowly taking a back seat behind another character and couldn't care nearly as much. I might have been okay with it if the descriptions weren't so mind numbing to read. It was a character with superior hacking skills. I just couldn't stand the incredibly dry mini-novel of the author describing this character hacking into something for the 100th time. I had to DNF the book and the rest of the series.

@magicmoon65 3 месяца назад

@@XBluDiamondX Oof that sucks. POV switches should be introduced early, because you have to have it hook you into the character and their arc, and if the initial one that hooked you in takes a backseat, it's kinda... dishonest? I have enjoyed books that do this, so there's ways to make it work, but it's a tread-carefully thing-- know the issues with it.

@rowan404 4 месяца назад

I’m still in the beta phase and, thankfully, nobody has DNFed my book so far. Some people dropped out after the prologue or chapter one, but that was because they realized that they weren’t cut out for beta-reading. As for the “how excited are you to keep reading” question, I believe I’ve gotten a 7/10 at the _lowest._ However, the betas are still in the first act and it’s the sagging middle that I’m worried about.

@CizzS2 3 месяца назад

I am from Brazil. I don't understand English very well. But I LOVE these videos and this girl. It's like we're friends and I need advice on my writing. Thank U!

@Valkanna.Nublet 4 месяца назад

It's kinda covered by interesting characters and pacing problems, for me the main reason I DNF is because there's nothing that hooks me and makes me want to keep reading. Funny thing is that this is the reason why I've not finished a single Stephen King book. He's a world famous author with a massive following yet I tried several of his books and I'd get a quarter or a third of the way in and I'm still waiting for something to actually happen. I ended up just giving up and not trying any of his others. It's not because it's horror genre because I really enjoy other authors, like James Herbert and Clive Barker, there's just something about how King writes that just fails to grab me.

@rhysgriffiths9675 4 месяца назад

I also DNF a lot of Steven King books, despite his exceptional prose. You're right, often it feels like nothing is happening and I feel no anticipation about what will happen next.

@DebOlliff 4 месяца назад

I DNF books that are "not for me", books where it is clear that the author did no research on the subject, or are too wordy - especially descriptions of intimate encounters that don't sound like real people. Definite turn-off for me. Another reason is when it is clear that no one proofed the writing or did any editing. Thanks so much, Abbie. You are so good at this! I only write for my own amusement (and for my two current fans), but I get a lot out of your advice. Rock on! P.S. Just thought of another one: overly describing the appearance of the character. It is not often that important to know the details of the outfit someone is wearing. Oh! And in a romance novel where they jump in the sack on page two. Anticipation is important.

@alexarose9698 4 месяца назад

Thanks again, Abby! Yet another useful video! Thank you so much for these, btw! I think the main thing which makes me DNF a book is is I can't get into it within the first chapter. It has to grip me.from the beginning, not necessarily from extreme action, but I have to be taken somewhere where something important/unusual is happening. If it carries on like this, or worse, slow paced & not very gripping, then I have to leave it. I kinda of hate it when people tell.ke 'oh, just push through it a little, it gets better'. I just can't DO that, because I'm just reading something that I don't care about. I also hate it when there are too many people involved with each other, either directly, or indirectly, and I have to remember who's who & what's what. It's confusing!! Clichés annoy me too. A few times I've picked up a book that looks interesting, only for it to have the exact same story plot as several different ones before it (e.g. 'a war is coming', or someone who is conflicted between 2 love interests in the midst of a war/conflict happening.) A lot of books atm seem to be about magical schools, which are ok for a start, but so many of them are doing it. I know that books follow a theme that the market is currently looking for due to the subject popularity (everything 'trends', even books), but I kinda of just grumble over it like 'again?!' 😫 I like to look at books that take a new angle on things, subjects that haven't really been brought up before. Unique characters in unique situations. That's what tends to grip me. Just my thoughts, though!

@JustinKownacki Месяц назад

Really useful tips. I think the 2 biggest reasons I'll DNF a book, movie, or TV show are: I don't care what happens, or I'm not enjoying the reading / viewing experience. If I either care what happens to the characters or I'm curious about the solution to the problem /puzzle / mystery, I may finish it even if the storytelling experience is choppy or not my usual cup of tea. And if the storytelling style is enjoyable and the characters are a fun hang, I may finish it even if I don't particularly care what happens. But if it fails on both counts for me, I'm out because there are too many other stories out there that I may enjoy more.

@DrawlingsStoriesAndMore 4 месяца назад

You know it's funny how most books don't get to the point in the first chapter. Like chapter 2 is when the interesting stuff happens. You know that's when the real meat of the story usually happens. Has anyone else noticed that?

@jasonlavallee8195 4 месяца назад

Do you think these stories would benefit from having the first chapter cut or edited down to get to the fun stuff sooner? Or from your experience do you think the set up makes the fun parts work? I'm curious about different opinions on this.

@mojojojo3411 4 месяца назад

I didn't notice that bc I will never make to chapter 2 😅 They'd better make chapter one good.

@jasonlavallee8195 4 месяца назад

@@mojojojo3411 fair enough

@cicjose6016 4 месяца назад

ive only just got my characters to their main location and im up to chapter 10 LMAO

@lizziewalker9374 4 месяца назад

As a writer you are supposed to capture your reader from the first page and if you can rope them in within the first 10 sentences, then they will read on. Every book, TV show or movie still follows a three act structure. Setting up that first act is vital. Michael Hauge says picture the opening of your book on the big screen. This is a visual prompt for the author to see if those opening minutes would capture the imagination or put you to sleep. 😂

@crazycoolcj9897 4 месяца назад

This was so helpful! I'm a young writer and your videos really help, Abbie! Thank you!

@InvestigatingDavidCrowley 4 месяца назад

Great advice, thank you. I try really hard not to DNF. Even if I hate the book (hate is such a strong word, but often is the only word that fits), I will force myself to finish it trying to see what is redeemable for my tastes. Not saying it always works, but whoa! A lot of books that are popular today are complete train wrecks for me. There's a particular author that I really like, but lately all she writes is smut...not romance, smut. Ugh! I wonder what happened to her?

@Valthalin 4 месяца назад

Personally I read books to experience the story myself, to live the events of the book. You can blame those early choose your own adventure books when I was young. The background and setting are incredibly important for me. Typically I stick to sci-fi and fantasy as I enjoy my escapism reading time. The last thing I want is to read the endless internal conflict of someone with a serious need for therapy sessions. Every character needs an actual personality to be interesting, but I don't need to hear their innermost motivations being gone though in their mental landscape in order to find a story or that character interesting. Show me through their actions what their motivations are, utilize dialog between characters to express one characters thoughts. Keep any internal monologue within reason and for key moments when the character actually does not know what to do and has to figure it out.

@reneewittman3294 4 месяца назад

My two biggest DNFs are pacing first and characters I can't connect with second. Poor writing will make me DNF if it's stiff and awkward. Rarely I will DNF if the protagonist is too dumb to live. I generally give about 25% if it looks like the story might improve before I give up, but occasionally it's blatant from the first page that this book is not a good fit for me.

@reluctantstereotypes 4 месяца назад

#5 is the one that does it for me. If the writing style makes it hard work, I find it a real distraction. I lose sight of the plot, because I'm so annoyed by how it has been written. Having said that, I can usually spot it within the first page or two. So it's more a case of DNS, than DNF.

@abc-ni5mi 4 месяца назад

I REALLY don't enjoy fiction written in present tense. It seems as though it's getting more common to write this way, and I have tried but it's a total DNF for me.

@abhinandangurjar9826 4 месяца назад

that's a very odd reason.

@examenesinternacionalesaf3576 4 месяца назад

Mee too, I don't like it. I only read it sometimes because I learn languages and it helps to learn that grammar but I don't see it as a book,I see as a tool for learning.

@abc-ni5mi 4 месяца назад

It feels like I'm reading a screen play, not a story

@dcutestluv9023 4 месяца назад

My biggest DNF reasons are 1) writing is hard to read. 2) characters are too unrealistic.

@robertredden2066 18 дней назад

Thanks for these pointers! I’m knee-deep into writing my second fan-novel, and I’m hoping to correct the mistakes I make in my first book.

@AF-tv6uf 4 месяца назад

'Slow pacing' and 'not enough of what I came for' combine in what what I like to call the 'character development farm.' I've DNF'd several books because what was *supposed* to be an action-packed sci fi novel stranded the characters on a single bucolic planet to 'develop character.' Also: The "What the hell, hero?" trope makes me DNF. When 'heroic' characters do or believe something awful...no. Bye, book.

@Sunny-kk6ov 4 месяца назад

Hi Abbie! Could you please do a video about how to pick a book title? Thanks.

@dianalee4jc 4 месяца назад

As a writer myself with nine published novels (both traditionally and independently), what makes my not finish a book is usually poor craft. Shallow characterization, slow pacing, awkward sentence phrasing, lack of research. These things diminish my trust that the author will carry me through the novel. Sometimes when I push through rather than DNF, I end up being pleasantly surprised. And sometimes, even more disappointed.

@BruceWayne15325 4 месяца назад

Another reason for me to DNF a book is difficulty remembering names due to cultural differences. I know that The Sword of Kaigen is a huge best seller, and that's the only reason I'm forcing myself to struggle through it, hoping that it gets good. I just can't remember anyone's names because they are all Japanese, and I'm just not used to hearing those names, so I have a harder time remembering them. The culture is also very different from my own, and that also makes the reading much more difficult.

@deedee4955 4 месяца назад

I understand you! Although I'm bad with remembering names in general, not only difficult ones😂

@SAP712.SIMS4 4 месяца назад

Omg 12:36 is totally me with the Mandalorian in Season Three - like, that one episode that focused on the doctor and it didn't end up mattering to the plot and it was one of the longest episodes of the season. Like, why? Maybe I'm missing something - I'm not that diehard of a Star Wars fan and I've only seen the Mandalorian once. Even if we did learn something or it did matter somehow, I still didn't want an episode that started with the Mandalorian, then after about five minutes switched to the doctor for the rest of the episode. I didn't even remember who he was at first.

@grondhero 4 месяца назад

The _Star Wars_ saga has really turned into that. For example, "The Book of Boba Fett" has _two episodes_ that were void of the main character and focused on the Mandalorian instead. Boba Fett became a 'crime lord' who just wanted to protect his people and be a practical pacifist. Then there was "Kenobi" which wasn't even about Ben Kenobi, it was about some forgettable antagonist. It also had side quests of two characters who didn't even matter. I've stopped watching all _Star Wars_ shows now.

@LittleWriterSquirrel 4 месяца назад

I just finished Mando (I know, late to the party) and yeah! What was with that?! Season one was my definite fav, and I liked it much better than most of modern Disney, but some of those side quests just make you wonder😅

@jimsbooksreadingandstuff 4 месяца назад

Great video. As a reader DNFing is a healthy practice, so many good books out there, why waste time on one that doesn't meet your expectations? Some readers feel if they start a book they have to finish it, and if they pick up the wrong book for them, they might never finish it and give up on reading all together. I don't DNF often, I have a good idea of what I will like and what I won't like, but maybe one out of 20 isn't a good fit for me and I'll quit.

@Richardsonprincess00 4 месяца назад

For me... writer's block by going back to redo again or look over on sites for this inspiration to redo it again by making sense of this story.

@Hoots522 4 месяца назад

I couldn't finish “Something of Value”, the true story of the Mau Mau rebellion in Kenya. The violence was horrific.

@HereForTheCatContent 4 месяца назад

I hear you, not that it's the same but I threw away my copy of Little Bee halfway through. Sometimes it's just too much.

@karenlp5867 Месяц назад

One thing I really can’t stand that happens mostly in romance novels but sometimes in other genres too, is when two characters have a major falling out that has a big impact on the plot, and it’s just because of a stupid misunderstanding that could have been easily resolved if they had just talked to each other. It also makes me want to DNF a book when the plot is driven by supposedly intelligent characters making really stupid decisions.

@deckardcanine 4 месяца назад

The last time I DNFed a book, it was relentlessly depressing. We were given no reason to expect a happy ending.

@marikothecheetah9342 3 месяца назад

I put one book down for the couple of days (Quo Vadis) because the gruesome descriptions just were too much for me. I finished the book but I never wanted to reread it, although it's really great.

@MrZkoki 4 месяца назад

Congratulations on improving your content. It seems that less videos are more packed with dense and useful insights. I think that these books that you find difficult to digest, were the very ones that elevated your speaking, making it more accurate as well as mature. Please do continue. As for books that are being put down easily, it's a matter of lack of stimulation. No use of language that is skillful or clever, no plot events that act as fireworks, so that as a reader you are feeling compelled to turn the page. Bland experiences are simply not worth anyone's time, especially nowadays where readers of hard copies of books are a rarity, slowly fading to obscurity. Sad but true... 😥

@LeonWarczak 4 месяца назад

As soon as I figure out how to format my first ebook with Atticus & sync it with the cover I'm making with bookbrush, I'm sure I'll be able to relate to the struggles of seeing DNF once releasing it on KDP. On the bright side, I already have the recordings done to publish the audio version of it on ACX after the ebook comes out, & I'm just in the 'proof of concept' phase of self-publishing. Wish me luck, good people of Abbie's comment section 🙏.

@Emilieyes 4 месяца назад

Thank you for these tips they saved my life

@cpmow831 Месяц назад

Abbie explains things so well. The mean she is a writer.

@Cortland729 4 месяца назад

Kudos are due to you! Love the page and the knowledge and the information! Thank you ❤

@scb-z9u 4 месяца назад

The Dune series has no real main characters, only secondary characters. The main character is the universe and the thousands of years of people living in it.

@SeanDog257 4 месяца назад

Anytime someone says, “I’ve been busy lately and just didn’t get around to reading it, but the first chapter is good,” is trying to say in a nice way that they DNF’d it lol If they can’t make it to second chapter, no bueno. Doesn’t mean the rest isn’t great, just means you need to keep working on it and to not let others read it till you at least complete the first or second draft.

@konvaliastreams 4 месяца назад

For me, the top reason for DNFing a book is when there's errors in the writing itself. Wrong words used for the wrong things, lots of typos, or even poor formatting (which may be th publishers fault) are instant no-goes for me. I can laugh along if the plot is ridiculous or if the character is a mary sue. Hell, I've read some atrocious books and loved them for the goofiness. But the moment it's HARD to get through a single sentence because EVERY. SINGLE. WORD. in that sentence is spelled incorrectly/has wrong punctuation/is obviously straight from a thesaurus and put in there just for a flex, I'm putting the book down

@konvaliastreams 4 месяца назад

And don't get me started on crutches that appear every second page in a book. I once read an author that literally could not go a single page without using the word "delicately". I don't even know why it was used half the time.

@LosAnggraito 4 месяца назад

I know you're a big proponent of character-driven stories Abbie, but I don't think internal conflict is as cut-and-dried as you make it seem. What if the MC is a teenager who gets thrust into a fantastical world they weren’t prepared for (e.g. chosen-one narratives)? Obviously their goals/motivations aren't going to be fleshed out right away and have to be tailored to the plot. I just think it's more nuanced than you saying "make sure your characters have clear desires + struggles otherwise your story is moot and pointless."

@VideoGameRoom32 4 месяца назад

Great video. Yes we don't want to hear DNF. Your videos are always so helpful.

@EyeBallWritesStorys 4 месяца назад

There is a reason why Care in in the word Character This video really helped me and guided me to know how to make my target audience love my books and films and nto DNF them. Thanks for anther great video as always and Rock On! 😀

@HelloD-n1n 4 месяца назад

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

@katlovestowrite 4 месяца назад

Thank you so much, Abbie! I knew this whole time I had internal conflict and human characters, but there was something...off. And you explained it all, that's what makes you such an amazing author, you tell other reasons I never thought of. I always knew there was something off and you told me those blurs! Thank you!! Now that I'm on my second book I'll be sure to follow your tips! Thank you!

@tatum055 3 месяца назад

Idk why but I LOVE your intro so much

@joebiz4824 4 месяца назад

Because I was compelled to write my book which turned into a 3 book series going on 4 a DNF will be a death sentence. I haven't even published any of this yet. I know I should have waited until I got a response from the first book, but again I was compelled to write this as confusing as that might sound..

@brandic89 Месяц назад

Me too. But if it helps even one girl decide to push through, find (or rediscover) a larger purpose, and not kill herself, that will be satisfying for me.

@Cyla1721 4 месяца назад

Reasons I DNF a book: 1) Definitely come across a trope I wasn’t expecting, but especially one I despise. 2) Pacing. I am, unfortunately, very guilty of two things that keep me from DNF-ing books I ultimately wish I had: 1) Giving undeserved grace - I will continue stories in desperate hope that whatever aspect is upsetting me will (a) resolve or (b) be part of some brilliant thing the author is trying. (I’ve never had the latter happen.) 2) Pausing - Stopping a book I fully intend to finish (if only for the previous reason) simply because I’m f*ing busy. It’s not a great habit, and I would really like to fix it. (But I’d have to figure out self-control with books first.😅)

@nicholeireland7917 4 месяца назад

I dnfed a book because of the gross details of gore that truly wasn’t needed. It was one scene and it was so callus and made no sense for the scene. It just turned me off from the book

@duckdialectics8810 2 месяца назад

"hardness" I think is a bit relative. A text being "easy" seems like an editorial feedback loop, authors try to be what they understand as "easy", publishers filter for that, the public gets used to that, and, therefore, perceive what deviates as "hard" (which will be more and more filtered out because of that).

@jellydonuts2343 4 месяца назад

I DNF a LOT. And I’m not happy about it. There are so many books I want to read, and when I find one I really love, reading is one of my favorite things to do. The main problem for me is when the author gives me nothing to look forward to. If I don’t care to get to a point in the future of the book, there’s no point in me reading to get there. I think part of my problem is that I become initially invested in the idea of books, and, as a writer myself, it’s easy for me to pick out places where I wish the story went differently. When a book doesn’t align with the expectations I had going in, it has two potential futures: either I don’t like it, and I DNF (which is unfortunately many books), or the author pivots to something different that I like just as much or even better than what I’d been expecting (which is great when it happens! Though it is rare). I find the stories that keep me engaged all the way through are usually the ones that have more than one thing going on. That DOES NOT mean that you should overwhelm your reader with too many plot points. I just mean that it’s good to always have something coming in the future that your reader will keep reading to get to. That way, when your reader arrives at one of the destinations they wanted to see, they will still have a reason to keep reading. The challenge at that point is just to really make sure that each point you want your reader to get excited about is actually exciting. Also, it’s very important to make sure you aren’t holding off on rewarding the reader for too long. If they’re putting in the time to read, they’ll want to get to something interesting before the 500 page mark. If you hold off for too long without anything else for a reader to focus on, they will likely get tired of reading and DNF.

@oougahersharr Месяц назад

I once was writing a story which took part in ten chapters, one for each death (murder mystery based on Clue). I was going along very well with the first four chapters, setting up the stage (if you will), introing the characters, and had the first three deaths done. All the characters (including the hidden killer) were reacting so well, and the mystery was deepening. Then, I had the main protagonist talking with one of the others (the smartest character, I might add), and suddenly I realized that the crime had been solved. I was horrified. I put the story aside, because I couldn't figure out how to rewrite it where the smart character didn't figure it out that quickly. I realized, the only way I, personally, could do it was to make the smart one the third victim instead of a later victim. That threw off my personal flow, and I still haven't gotten back to that particular story. My roommate (another aspiring writer) still laughs to this day over how my character solved the crime against my will. Showed me I was not in charge of the stories I write. The stories were writing themselves. I had to work with what they gave me to take parts out, choose which go in what order, and try to organize what I'm given for the best story available. It's humbling to find out I'm not a writer, I'm a medium.

@DawnBerry66 2 месяца назад

I once DNFed a book series that followed a group of five characters, but all of them had no personality. They all just went along with the plot and were only working together because the story needed then to. The main character had no internal conflict and spent most of his time getting to know a girl that wasn't a part of the main group. The book had an interesting concept, but that's not good enough. We want to read books with interesting concepts that affect the characters and shape them into who they are.

@aletheiannablack 4 месяца назад

Love your videos Abbie! They always give me something to look forward to! I'd love to see another Story Science video, they are so fun, and you do such a great job!

@ender7278 3 месяца назад

The reason TV series deviate from the main characters is likely to accommodate a tight shooting schedule. Your actors are only available for so many days a year, and you have to write around that.

@Mystichaven-ki2su 4 месяца назад

Number 5 is definitely a big one. Ive actually been reading a lot lately and picked up a book called “The Library of Broken Worlds” I put it down immediately, after my sister warned me I wouldn’t like it ( before I picked it up) I put it down because I couldn’t stand to read through it the author was purposely making grammar mistakes to maintain character voice.

@Julia14_11 4 месяца назад

Loved your book “The Otherworld” ❤️

@samh5286 4 месяца назад

I’ve DNFed quite a few stories when it’s a love triangle where there’s an abusive person as one of the love interests and I’m reading the first half of the story thinking that the story is about the struggle the main character has about getting away from an abusive person even though they’re in love with them. And every single time I am severely disappointed because either the endgame is the abusive person who has not changed at all OR the other love interest is also abusive in the end. I also have DNFed so many BL stories where the main character is so incredibly submissive that they either come off like a child or like a very VERY obvious self insert of the female author. I do not mind more feminine, transgender or gender fluid main characters in a BL, it’s just when the character is so poorly written that they don’t even feel real or feel like a literal child that I have a problem with them. Tbh I feel like there needs to be more variety of characters in the BL genre because sometimes I just want to read a story about guys being guys, or about a transgender male lead/love interest. I’ve unfortunately also started DNFing BL/GL romance stories that I’ve started seeing follow the ‘I’m actually straight and I never thought about being gay, but you’re the only girl/boy I would ever consider being with. It’s just you nobody else.’ trope for both main characters and it just ending right there, no realizations of ‘huh maybe I’ve been actually Bi/Pan/Gay this whole time but because of my upbringing or cultural norms or just not considering it, I’ve suppressed it.’ It’s become so normalized in all LGBTQ+ characters, no matter what story they’re in, who aren’t already gay at the beginning of the story and it’s just not a realistic or believable LGBTQ+ experience. I have also basically completely DNFed most stories with the FWB trope even though it is my absolute favorite trope because the trope has basically become a place where abuse is OK or it is very poorly written.

@Noonien96-nx6yj 2 месяца назад

I DNFed the first chapter of Dorsai, because the male lead spent three pages walking around the metal corridors of the spaceship trying to figure out how to talk to the female lead without putting her off, which told me that the writer expected the reader to identify.

@grondhero 4 месяца назад

I really hate _not_ finishing a book. However, last year I finally got around to reading "Moby-Dick" and forced myself to finish it. I said, "Never again." lol The other classics I read after this that I wouldn't finish are "Robinson Crusoe," "Great Expectations," and "A Tale of Two Cities." I just couldn't get in to them. I have over five bookshelves (five shelves each) of books that I've read (I don't like to throw away books) and I can only think of six off-hand that I haven't finished, including the above three I mentioned.

@snailman7989 Месяц назад

the biggest example of point 2 is Gal☆Cleaning! holy moly what was that one scene

@ajwillustratorauthor 3 месяца назад

For me: Romances where the girl gets r*ped. Stories where the FMC is wanted by EVERY man who meets her. Stories where the MMC is perceived as perfect by everyone. A book where nothing happens. I hate it when I’m just waiting for the action.

@PrettyNPremirePro 2 месяца назад

I recently had DNF moment. And I realized it was because the author told the full backstory between the main characters in the first chapter. It left no mystery. And no “questions”. I am still reading the book, but I find myself losing interest because I already know everything about the characters.

@ameekask8318 Месяц назад

Internal conflict is anything that gives the Self of the character away.

@xylonpesquera8605 4 месяца назад

I love how one piece toes at the edges of almost all of these rules.

@barbarellamaclure8382 4 месяца назад

Thanks Abbie, I never knew what DNF meant. At our local library, they allow us a page (that they stick in) for readers to make comments or initial, just to say they've read the book. I have my own little codes which mean DNF or read again or loved this book. I'd never try and put others off (because it is off-putting to a potential reader). Once I scribbled out someone's negative comment because I believe the writer deserves better than that. Someone may love it. Others may say the reader deserves better than that. I love your videos. Watching all the way from Taupo New Zealand.

@Queennumen 4 месяца назад

This is so helpful to know when I’m editing my book so I can make these important changes.

@empressmarowynn 2 месяца назад

I've definitely come across books, usually by first time authors, where the writing is pretty clunky and all over the place but the plot was so freaking good that I wanted to know how it ends. Often their later books are great, they just needed to find their style and get a better editor and/or test readers to give them honest advice. Though if the plot is meh and the writing is too then I have no desire to keep going. But one of my biggest DNF reasons is when they use the contrived miscommunication trope. Way too many authors use it to add drama when they don't know how to create any tension in a relationship that might arise naturally. MC stumbles upon their partner in what looks like a compromising position with another person and instead of, you know, TALKING about it they storm off, immediately end the relationship, refuse all messages from partner, tell everyone how awful the partner is, blah blah blah. Then after pages of them being miserable they finally hear from a friend that their partner was actually being kissed against their will by someone they didn't even want to be around, oftentimes someone who is jealous of MC and wants to hurt their relationship. Then MC finally meets with partner, barely even apologizes, and everything is great again. No talk about "hey I'm really hurt that you didn't trust me and wouldn't listen when I tried to explain, we need to work on this before we get back together." I've encountered that exact plot entirely too many times in books, movies, shows and it makes me want to scream.

@mrhalfsaid1389 4 месяца назад

4:19 while yes obviously giving someone cheerios when they ask for cheese puffs is generally disliked if you know what you're doing this can make the story significantly more interesting (although there is usually subtle foreshadowing in these cases i will admit)

@eriolduterion8855 4 месяца назад

To the best of my recollection, there has been only 1 book that I threw into the trash can somewhere shortly after chapter 3. There have been quite a few that I finished and have told others to not waste their time. Some, I've classified as avoid like the plague! So for me, it's either Recommended ( Excellent, Good, OK, probably not YOUR cup of tea) or DNR- Do Not Read - when discussing them with others. For me to even start a book, something about it has to have caught my attention/sparked an interest, either as a review, comment by friend, knowledge of other works, etc.

@avernion 2 месяца назад

Unprepared for surprised was why I DNFd Acourt of most and fury. You know what you did there, and I am not convinced nor onboard.

@elizabethagnes5994 4 месяца назад

8:31. We know about too slow pacing, yes; but what about too fast pacing?

@Physics_is_everything 4 месяца назад

Agreed, some books are too fast paced and have comparatively less descriptions. Those authors are definitely in a rush 😅

@freedomthroughspirit 4 месяца назад

Too many typos or just plain poor writing will also cause DNFs fairly early on. Or poor research that makes it obvious to the reader that they didn't do their homework.

@brettsteinbook5370 4 месяца назад

biggest one you missed for me is editing. If you don't care enough to have a copy editor or you can't learn your craft well enough to use proper spelling and grammar, it just takes me out of the story and into the writing, then I will DNF. Not quite what you said in 5 but definitely belongs there. Failing to start with a character I care about is another big one, but that might fall under anything from 1-4 that you did mention. Cardboard villains I will totally DNF over.

@BartimaeusAurelius 4 месяца назад

Thank you so much for this!

@Gag1800 2 месяца назад

Live action tv shows drive me nuts with how often they deviate away from the main characters or stop focusing on the main reason for the show's existence. It's like they need to justify their run time by padding it out, which just makes it a chore to watch.

@DogWalkerBill 3 месяца назад

Losing Track of the Main Character: The movies Seven Samurai and The Magnificent Seven are interesting examples of where this happens. A quick watch of Seven Samurai (1954) suggests that the main protagonist is the leader of the Seven Samurai, Kambei Shimada, or perhaps Kikuchiyo who is a dominant character in the movie. But if you watch the movie carefully, the main protagonist is the farmer, Rikichi, who in Act I, Scene 2, stands up an says, "Let’s make bamboo spears! Let’s kill the bandits! Kill them all! They won’t come back again if we kill them all!" These four sentences outline the plot and purpose of the whole movie! Rikichi (and three friends) enlist the help of the samurai to kill all the bandits. The last scene of the movie ends with the three surviving samurai, Kambei, Shichiroji and Katsushiro, standing in front of the graveyard with their four dead samurai comrades, while watching Rikichi lead the farmers in singing and planting. Rikichi is clearly the leader of the village now! KAMBEI: Again we are defeated. SHICHIROJI: Huh? KAMBEI: The winners are those farmers. Not us. . . . This got lost during the movie The Magnificent (1960.) Partly for political reasons: the Mexican government objected to the Mexican farmers hiring American help. Hollywood said, "It's an American movie, with American actors and American financing. That's why!" Thus in the Magnificent Seven, the four farmers originally go north looking to buy guns. But Chris Adams, the eventual leader of the Seven, convinces them that it would be more efficient to hire seven gunmen. Chris Adams becomes the main protagonist of the movie and the four farmers get mostly forgotten.

@ankymrn 4 месяца назад

What is DNF?

@Zimoria 4 месяца назад

Do Not Finish

@DrawlingsStoriesAndMore 4 месяца назад

Oh ok I didn't know what that meant ether.

@akeelahbruce1821 4 месяца назад

Oh thanks @@Zimoria

@mojojojo3411 4 месяца назад

Do not fck is what I thought. Like, I dnf w this book. Or... DN, I der any circumstances, F this book.

@TrulyXeo 4 месяца назад

Did not finish

@Lisaboo_ Месяц назад

So, when you went on to talk about too much density in writing, I felt that. This is an excerpt from a story I'm working on, is it too much? Too complicated or flowery? I'm a very poetic person at heart and this is just my style, but I would like some honest feedback, whether I agree with it or not any criticism is welcome. 👇 _You've betrayed him._ Varro's pulse synchronized with the thundering hooves of his steed crashing against the underbrush, caught in a frantic waltz of torment and betrayal. His features twisted into a grimace as he envisioned those ashen eyes, tainted by the shards of a broken trust swimming in tears of bloodshed. _They will find you._ He clenched his teeth as his nails sliced into his palms. The pain of their sting was dulled by the phantom blade his chest would soon embrace, releasing his soul from the agony its mortal cage would endure, rendering the bitter kiss of death a sweet salvation. Although no measure of pain could compare to the weight of his tidings that crushed his heart in a vice-grip. No blade could cut deeper than the piercing glare of those calculating eyes, penetrating the darkest depths of his soul. _I can't lose you too. . ._ Oh, and here's another excerpt I really like, but would like some feedback on. Excerpt 2: 👇 Caspian exhaled a captive breath, his heart racing the seconds that siphoned the fading embers of his existence. A shudder rattled his bones as he became the target of that piercing gaze, like crystal balls peering into the unfathomed depths of his soul.