7 Stages of The BPD Relationship Cycle 

“Hey! Reacting to my text isn’t responding 🤨.” My ears are still ringing from the last six months. Glad I made it out alive.

It is so ridiculous how accurate this video is. I dated someone for 9 months and went through this cycle several times, eventually just repeating 5-7 over and over until it ended. I certainly learned to listen to people when they tell you who they are. The red flags were there, and for a while I just admired the color.

It’s amazing how I stopped having panic attacks after she divorced me.

The violent rage is the most frightening aspect to witness.

as someone who suffers from the condition, this was hard to watch. but it was true. people with bpd aren’t monsters to their core, but we’re hurt people who hurt people. thanks for making this video. it’s helping me grow and change as a person so i don’t hurt other people anymore.

I really enjoyed working with BPD as a therapist. Watching their inner child heal through validation and release of blame is amazing. There is hope if you do the work. ❤

Just got out of a bpd relationship. It’s scary how accurate this is. After being gaslit for months I needed this to know that I’m not crazy

1- Idealization 2- Obsessive Clinginess 3- Devaluation 4- Escalation (usually less than 2 months in) 5- Repair (they slid 6- Responsibility (eggshells) 7- Repeat and recycle

I have 100% been in a bpd relationship… unfortunately it has left me not wanting another relationship, I’m 3 years on now. Thanks for enabling me to process it better.

It's almost hurtful how accurate this is. I'm 25 I've been diagnosed with BPD for 10 years and I've been in two long term relationships and this is the EXACT thing that happens.... I'm really at a loss for words right now because I have been so unaware that I am infact the problem. I always have shared the balme with my partner but in reality this is exactly what happens. I can't really afford intensive care but I am in therapy and definitely plan on having my therapist listen to this because I'm almost sickened listening to this and how spot on almost everything was. Thank you for your knowledge

I refused to accept that while I was in a relationship with a BPD woman and it almost makes me laugh how accurate this representation is...

In the past year Ive watched and listened to probably around 500+ hours on relationships, narcissism, bi-polar, childhood trauma, emotional abuse, abandonment and much more.. All in search so something that would make sence for what im going through.. And this video was the one...

this video literally just cured my depression, confusion, anxiety, and sanity. i understand everything you just stated it explains my current relationship

It's as if you were there documenting what happened to me. This is disturbingly accurate: "slowly you start becoming a pathetic try hard, stripped of your manhood, feeling trapped, drowning and suffocated."

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

This video perfectly described 3 years of my life almost to the last detail. There was plenty of gaslighting and lying also, but the intensity of the sex and the emotional bond was addictive. I finally made a vow and told her that the next wild episode would be the last. I knew it was inevitable and after it happened, I cut off all contact with her. It took me a while to heal and to reconnect with family and friends. I had a difficult time trusting women in relationships after that. I guess I'm still healing.

If you're a constant thrill seeker that thrives on ups & downs, twists & turns then this relationship is for you ~

I’m in a relationship right now and my gf has BPD, have been with her for 3 years. She sent me this video and we both know she has BPD, but we’re both actually maybe even stronger because we went through a LOT to stay together, and it makes me feel like there’s nothing else like her. I’m grateful for her no matter her disorders.

I’m amazed. I’m a borderline and you just described the relationship w my bf that I’ve had for the past 3yrs. It’s crazy. I didn’t know that I was 100% the problem. But ima finally get help, I owe it to him. I owe it to myself. I need to be happy, I don’t want to die a miserable, lonely, old hag w nothing or no one. And as of right now, that’s where I’m headed. Thank you for making more self-aware.

It feels so abstract listening to a video describe my last relationship perfectly, step by step. Going thru this list was like watching my whole relationship play out like a movie in my head.

It's incredible how exact this is. Got caught by a woman with BPD symptoms of which she wasn't aware about. My first impression was that "there's something about her" feeling but I let it slide because I didn't want to be a quick judgmental prick and gave her a chance. The honeymoon phase lasted only for few short weeks and it felt amazing. I was recovering from a surgery and she was incredibly caring. I was completely self-sufficient but she insisted and yeah, it felt good. She used this weakened state of mine to "bond" with me by sharing her previous relationship traumas (got cheated on, then the other guy was allegedly threatening her with suicide). I was like yeah, it happens, I've been through some crap too, let's do it together. Hell, she even had an app that counted the length of our relationship and wanted to celebrate almost every week we've been together. Soon after that all hell let loose. First I've got scolded on regular basis for not answering quick enough or for answering only with shorter messages than usual because I was busy. Then she jokingly blamed me for having secret mistresses. She laughed but it didn't feel as a joke, there was this threatening undertone to it. Then she displayed signs of jealousy about my woman coworkers and finally had a jealous breakdown when I told her some of my friends are women that I see few times per year over coffee. It was the fist hers emotional trainwreck I witnessed. There was screaming, crying, sobbing, hugging and begging... She was also getting more and more jealous at my hobbies because she probably felt they're taking my attention and always disregarded them whenever I tried to talk about things I like to do in my free time. During this stage she began push-pulling. Complete silent stonewalling and ignoring anything I say at one moment and warm and amiable person few minutes later. Add gaslighting attempts on top of it all. 180° mood swings two, three times per day to the point she completely killed my sexual interest in her. When I told her, she cried and apologized over and over again but nothing changed for better. It quickly slid back to the her normal and became even worse. The difference between push-pulls became so serious I wasn't sure about the next hour with her. Being with her or talking to her felt like walking on eggshells. She also began to employ belittling tactics by scolding me anywhere, anytime, even if it was for opening a yoghurt cup. She also began to question everything I did or said and sometimes employing it as lowkey attempt to get a reaction from me so she could have a reason for a trigger. Meanwhile she was in very lively contact with her expartner over the phone. And she was using the phone to force me in to competition for her attention, often ignoring me or only answering me shortly when I tried to talk with her. Soon after that jealous outburst she admitted with arrogant tone how she slept over at her ex's place. That was the finishing point for me. Later she told me she thinks I'm distancing myself from her, to which I only replied that she's correct. The truth is I cut her off because of what she had done and I was already exhausted being the only one trying to fix this relationship. I just wasn't capable of bearing it any longer. I was 90% sure to break up with her but wanted to give a final chance to some serious discussion. We were at her place so I brought it up. It was just another emotional outburst but not because there was something wrong between us. According to her I was oblivious idiot because she wanted to have a nice evening, watch movies, sip wine and have sex and I ruined it. She tried to fix the situation hastily, even cried like a hurt puppy again. Almost fell for that trap but I turned around, hopped on a tram, left and never returned. Guess I managed to jump this boat before the stage six. We were together for five months and were seeing each other only during weekends but it's been incredibly emotionally draining clusterfuck. By seeing this video every piece of that puzzle clicked in. Now I think I can say why she couldn't hold a job for more than few months. Why she's been jumping from relationship to relationship. Why she wanted to move in to my place only after three months...

This is scarily accurate. Exactly what I went through. Helps to hear this is not just me that went through this.

This isn’t just Romantic relationships, this was my 12 year friendship that I just recently ended. Wild how spot on…

I was actually diagnosed with BPD since my teenage. Also suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Not until my wife recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Never thought I would be saying this about mushrooms.

The same words, phrases, behaviours, sequence of events. It is chilling to watch this, and enlightening.

Ugh such a tragedy. The love of my life turned out to be BPD, and I fell for it not just once when I was a young adult, but a second time years later. Same thing both times. I love that girl to death and always will, and I'm still torn up about it over a year after the last time. But this video helps remind me that it wasn't my fault. I did everything I could and far more than most would ever do or put up with.

Insane how accurate this video is, definitely a relief to see that other people have gone through a relationship like this. I truly loved her and in way I'm trauma bonded. We've met up recently after two years from the breakup, I've never seen her so scattered brained and distracted. The look on her face when I responded yes to if I was in any relationships since we split, already gave me the sign that this was going straight to hellfire. The trauma bond for me is the hardest thing to break, the love and sex bombing mixed with the peaks and lows of the emotional intensity still has me in a chokehold from time to time. In my mind I thought that she just loved me that much and wanted me to improve for both of us. Now, I'm not even sure if she ever loved me at all. I wish her the best. You're not crazy homies!

Oh my goodness. I just came out of this. My solution: avoiding her, like the plague, saved my sanity. This video was so useful and helpful.

As someone who was in a dysfunctional relationship with an undiagnosed BPD for 11 years. Going no contact was the only way to finally be myself again. It’s hard at the beginning, but it gets much better with time. Focus on getting your relationship with yourself right. Fulfil that obligation and your relationships to others, to time, money, sex, spirituality, food, mortality, career, politics etc… will all take care of themselves.

I had this experience with a man. At stage 5 the “repair” stage, he went the blaming me route. This is where I didn’t budge. He got more angry that I wasn’t taking “accountability” for his accusations. Then he split and I became an “evil narcissist” and we took turns blocking each other. That was the end.

This is so accurate that I almost started laughing. She convinced me so many times all the problems came from me and how her ex treated her. I wish I could send her this video and maybe make her realize that she need help for the actual problem/condition.. I feel bad about it though, they are not bad people, their victims themself.

Currently experiencing this but without the anger and rage, but the emotional manipulation and weaponized guilt is getting way out of hand! This video makes me feel like I’m not crazy 😢

This is me to a T. I have only recently been diagnosed with BPD and I can't believe this is who I am. I am making changes in my life, already working on mindfulness, seeking DBT in the area where I live, as well as joining a local support group and anything else I can do to stop this cycle. My biggest problem is the rage. I know I will never be in another romantic relationship as I don't want to hurt yet another person.

As a BPD, I just wanted to let people know, that we do not mean to treat our partners badly… I am doing DBT, and it is helping me and my partner. I love him very much 🙏🏻❤️

Took her 7 months to get to the escalation state where she physically assaulted me. I left the next day. She apologized and when I said No she switch to blaming me for everything saying I triggered a fight. It has been extremely hard to stay away from her as I find myself doubting and feeling guilty for doing the right thing by leaving.

I was diagnosed with BPD after being misdiagnosed for years. I appreciate this video. I’m single. I can relate to most of the stuff in this video. I’m working on me and my coping skills. Thanks for the info.

"If you're not spending every second of the day not texting her, it will trigger her insecurities" Just so people understand how crazy it can be, a few weeks into that nightmare, we were texting. At one moment she got mad and blocked me before I could send the text I was writing (less than 10 minutes). So "every second of your day" is not exaggerated. Well, this is all a trap, conscious or not. And I suffered a hundred deaths with her, with almost no support from my family : "you're weak"

Just for the record because this is couched as a female/male discussion - As a woman I have had a two decade marriage with another woman and went through EXACTLY. the same cycles and experiences as described here until i FINALLY realized it was a mental health issue and not my fault. Understanding mental health is not something I was ever taught or exposed to and so I have had a lifetime of crazy interactions and relationships not realizing I was continually engaging in the same dynamic learned in childhood. This was a really good video. Thank you

Ive literally been going through this for 24 years with zero knowledge of what any of it meant. Literally, I have nearly completely lost myself and my mind. Now can put a name to it and start a process. Thank you so much.

My male friend got into a relationship with a woman with BPD . First she told him which friends he couldn't see or have any communication with...Then she would loose or cool when he said he wanted to leave her home and go back to his own place for a while. She would burst into tears in the middle of town, when walking with him if he said anything slightly wrong. Once she screamed and screamed abuse at him while they were walking up the street. She love bombs him when she wants him back though. He walks on egg shells as it doesn't take much to set her off.

Was in a relationship with this type of personality and my advice is to leave quietly. If you're married let them have the furniture etc because it's just not worth it. You might want justice or some kind of acknowledgement of the pain caused to you; well you aren't going to get it and you don't need it from your ex if they abused you. Go see a therapist and just be glad you made it out alive.

This is spot on!! Being in that type of relationship causes so much anguish and stress, it robs you of so much in life.

Wow! You just described 7 years with my on & off again EX! She is a high functioning BPD so no one but her partner sees this. She also denies her diagnoses (it’s every one else with the problem). Spot on Lise!

My best friend had bpd. It was so hard. She reeled me in and I truly believed I was lesbian because of how obsessed I became with her. She was so sweet and beautiful and exciting and she told me all about her bpd in the beginning. Literally every symptom this video hit she did and said. I know I'm responsible for my actions too but damn it's not fair when the other side plays dirty. You learn to survive instead of respect

I am currently in year 6 of a relationship with a partner with BPD and I feel like I’m finally approaching my breaking point. This video really woke me up. I have had such an intense feeling of losing my sense of self and feeling lost and confused and suppressed and I understand why now. This video is so spot on accurate and I hate how weak I’ve been not able to walk away. I’ve gone back and forth on ending the relationship for years but even the slightest thing leads to her having an emotional break down. I’m fucking exhausted. We’re just so financially tied together right now.

Oh my God!!!! She just described the last 7 months of my life 😭😭

As someone with BPD and that is in a relationship, this video shows me what behaviors I should be aware of. I'm on treatment, so thankfully I kinda feel that I would have this signals but I'm consciously fighting against them with professional help and medidation over my diary book. And these signals are only showing up after several months, and I'm glad that I know they are wrong behaviours. This makes me relieved, because means that my treatment is working and that I'm on my way to recession. Thank you for sharing this self-awareness content!

Im sure everyone thats been with a bpd partner can fully relate - they are so textbook its scary. I remember being so stressed out around stage 6. It started to give me erectile dysfunction. Ive heard of others going bald and even others suffering heart attacks if they've been in this cycle for too long. It literally does make you a shell of your former self. They suck the soul from you till you've nothing left

Thanks to all the wonderful parents who neglected, abused, abandoned and destroyed their kids and in turn giving us these amazing diagnostic categories knwon as BPD, NPD, etc.

It is heartbreaking to read comments from people who have been hurt by their relationship with a BPD individual. Personally, I am aware of the cycle and symptoms after it plays out but in the moment I am overtaken by emotions that I feel are justified. Emotional regulation really is the core issue as emotions in BPD individuals are so strong that it guides their thoughts and actions.

This exactly describes my last relationship, all the way down to her suicide attempt when I tried to leave the first time. I haven't spoken to her in 8 years but putting a name to it gives me the closest thing I'll get to closure.

Thanks, so many points of recognition here. It's like consolation for me to listen after the confusion of being with someone with BPD. I was scared for a long time to leave my ex, especially with our kid involved. The fear came from past suicide attempts and self-harm, making it hard to know if I truly loved her or if it was just a trauma-bond. Finally, I ended the relationship after too many fights and meltdowns. A week later, my ex was dating someone new, acting like everything was fine and blaming me for her emotional rollercoaster. I worried about my daughter. Now, three months later, I'm starting to calm down. It's been a confusing and tough journey. I'm a musician, and writing songs about what I went through and going to therapy has helped. To anyone dealing with similar stuff, focus on loving yourself. ❤️🙏

I very much appreciate and respect how you take care to present the truth but without shaming or demonizing those of us with BPD. I think it is important to increase awareness and understanding of BPD in an honest but respectful manner. What you say is very true - I struggled heavily with interpersonal relationships and I see a lot of overlap in what you are saying about romantic relationships compared to friendships. Now that I have participated in intense therapy specifically for BPD, I can see and understand how toxic I was in relationships. I understand the impact I have had on others, and how they had to eventually leave the relationship to maintain their own wellness. Yes, having any type of relationship with someone with BPD can be very difficult. But it is very difficult for us as well. Our emotions and behaviours are not always manipulative even though they feel that way, Thank you for emphasizing that there are many different ways to experience someone with BPD, and acknowledging that there is hope if the person is willing to take responsibility and get the proper support to learn to manage the illness.

I’ve been stuck in this tumultuous relationship for almost 20 years now wanting to provide my kids with an example of a stable relationship in contrast to what their mother was putting them through. My daughter witnessed the pattern here first hand recently and her reaction showed me I wasn’t perceiving things incorrectly. This video reinforced what I’ve been living with. My GF acknowledges suffering from depression and anxiety, but disputes her BPD diagnosis, which makes progress next to impossible.

Thank you. This was my life for 18 years. The BPD diagnosis didn't happen until just before the end, so I never knew it was even an option. Hearing this now was beat-for-beat my experience.

I've used to hear I have borderline. But I ignoted it. No diagnosis - no problem. But after that video - so terrifyingly relatable - I can't ignore it anymore. I don't want my love to go through this. We've been together for a year now and I can see it damaged him. I truly want him to be happy. Now I know - I have to work it out and heal myself. Thank you.

Took me five years to recover from a BPD relationship in high school. Had that abusive relationship "saved" multiple times by someone I no longer call a friend. Still can't believe I was taken advantage like that.

All those who suffer BPD - please let me know your thoughts on this below: - As someone who has BPD and can relate to this video (although I would say I am not quite as malicious as some of the actions stated in this video) - I really dislike how so many of these videos do not discuss WHY. It is disgusting. We need to be asking WHY people act the way that they do. Not once did this video state WHY a person suffering BPD might do that. I have met MANY women who suffer BPD and one man who suffers from BPD - ALL of these people were victims of Sexual Assault whether that be rape, childhood molestation, sexual abuse or all of the above. The very fact that we have a diagnosis for people who react similarly to similar trauma just begs the question "Why?" What people fail to miss is that BPD is a result of trauma, usually sexual or familial and because of this, they long to be loved and to feel love for themselves, yet when you have been sexually traumatised, there is often an unconscious traumatic response therefore to your partner themselves - and you often become so worked up and anxious (sometimes to the point of breakdown) that they will leave, that they do not care or love you at all, that you are worth nothing - because you have absolutely no self-worth at all. Somewhere along the lines someone stole something from you and you're trying desperately to find it. I know for a fact that all people who shave BPD are suffering IMMENSELY. They most like live in a state where they constantly battle with love and hatred for themselves every single day. I'm talking the most horrendous cases of self-hatred. Everything they are casting onto their partner, they do much worse to themselves regularly. They are so afraid that this person they love will see how horrible they really are (because they hate themselves so much, so their significant other will also surely come to this realisation too), which will lead to abandonment - this in itself is a HUGE fear of someone with BPD, whom have likely been abandoned and deeply criticised at someone point of their childhood. Not every person suffering BPD is EXACTLY like Lise has described. However, there are many similarities, for sure. I am in no trying to EXCUSE these behaviours, trust me, I am well aware that does not work. I just think that simply calling out all these behaviours does not always help either.

Hello, my girlfriend has almost all the descriptions mentioned in this video. I was very shocked to hear this, as if you were particularly describing my girlfriend. I have had to deal with these constant mood swings and bad behavior for a year without realizing that she has a real problem. I always thought she was just jealous and difficult. And unfortunately sometimes I reacted badly. But even without realizing the condition, many times I managed to calm things down without knowing it. However, recently the situation got worse, especially when she started threatening to break up. That's something that crossed my limits. She often admitted to having problems. She sometimes said that she was crazy. Sometimes she tells me that I didn't do anything wrong, that it was all her. Many times after these episodes, she apologized, saying: sorry for my "horror." 2 weeks ago she provoked me into breaking up once again. I got so tired of her threats that I broke up with her and blocked her everywhere. I know that's not right, but at that moment I had enough. After that she has not contacted me nor did I hear anything from her. After blocking her, I talked to some friends and some of them began to suspect that she does have bipolar. Others suspected BPD. Then I started researching both and realized it's definitely not bipolar. But once I listened to this video, you hit the nail on the head by describing her almost completely. However, other videos and articles make me think she doesn't have it. For example, she doesn't hurt herself. She is not physically aggressive, maybe she yells and throws things but she doesn't even swear. She doesn't actually attempt or threaten to commit suicide, rather she says that she doesn't want to live. Etc. I'm confused. After hours and hours of research, I conclude that she has a mild form of BPD or something very similar but she doesn't fit all the characteristics. If possible, tell me your opinion. Thank you so much.

my wife just left me in july. I wont go into it but i do want to say that this video and the 7 stages of detoxing from a covert narcissistic female were so spot on that it could have literally been describing my wife and marriage. and they have finally brought me some closure so that i can finally move on and begin to heal. Thank you so much for these.

Such a shame and ironic that the most loving and caring people on the planet are sick, remove the negative aspects and you have a person that everyone probably should strive to become, a conclusion I’ve come to after spending 5 years with what turned out to a BPD woman. Before it all came crashing down and she was diagnosed I had never heard of BPD.

This is rhe most definitive and accurate breakdown of what I've experienced over the past 3 years. I can identify with EVERYTHING you say. I did a deep dive last year and put in hundreds of hours of research to get clarity and i successfully managed to navigate my way out of the toxic relationship with my BPD ex. But this, for me, is the pre-eminent video on borderline personality disorder. Succinct and accurate. Thank you for sharing. 🙏

you gave me chills watching this video thank you so much ive been in this cycle for years now and haven’t been able to understand why… this hit everything right on point

Mine had a lot of good qualities and I miss her a lot, but the message in the video is just that you have to decide what's right for you. The right move for me was to get out, because I don't really have the tools to deal with it, and it was having a very negative effect on my own quality of life. Also because she wasn't diagnosed, and any intimation by me that something was off threw her into an epic episode, thereby ensuring nothing would ever change. Like somebody else said, when it's good, it's actually probably better than most other relationships will ever be. But you never know when the bomb is coming, and man, do you pay for it. For me, there just wasn't enough of an upside to continue with it. Great video--thanks for posting this. It was like you were reading a transcript of my relationship with her.

And I put up with this for 7 years. Update: I had (tried) her watch this and she couldn't get past the second stage. She went right into blaming (no personal accountability) belittling, devaluing...etc. Glad I'm making the right decision to break it off instead of induring this a day longer

Wow, Thank you so much ! I’m feeling grateful that I’ve found you and have learned all about bpd but also feeling so many other emotions. I’m sad , mad , confused , scared , furious, disappointed , and a ton of other feelings all wrapped up into this one super feeling that I can’t even begin to describe. At least I’m beginning to get clarity on what has been happening for the last four years. Man, I want revenge and at the same time I want her back. I love her but I’m disgusted in her as well. You are my hope that I can get through this. Thank you for your videos, I know I have a long road to recovering from this abuse but I feel like a piano has been lifted off my back. BPD Is so complex and part of me actually feels sorry for her but I know I can’t change her. I’m done blaming myself and today is the first day on my road to recovery. Thank you , keep up the good work

It's so scary how accurate this video description is. I was discarded from out of nowhere 3 months ago. This video has helped me get my sanity back and to not beat myself up anymore. A huge sense of relief really. The sad part is she doesn't know what she has and would tell me a couple of times towards the end, "I shouldn't be in a relationship because I don't know what's wrong with me."

This is scary how accurately it depicts what I just went through with my recent partner. And yes, I became addicted to this in someway. It was a very stressful situation. Intoxicating and hard to get out.

I wish there were more videos about partners who officially diagnosed and in DBT. Mine (who is an absolute light in my life) has gone through a cycle (and Im thinking another one at this moment) and we have really good communication them needing space, time away, etc. It's disheartening to read about so many people who are saying someone with a BPD diagnoses is bad. They're not all bad, I promise.

This is exactly what I went through, down to every detail. So freaky that dark human psychology is so universal.

My gf broke up with me 2 weeks ago, I knew she had some kind of bipolarity or BPD, but this video has made me sure its BPD. You just described step by step everything that happened in the last 7 months. Its sad because what I feel for her is 100% real but she could not control her insecurities and self-sabotaged the relationship. She still reaches out to me even after I asked for no contact, I still love her but I think I will just give up. Update on 12/06/23: I fell into the push-pull cycle the next 2 months after breaking up. Finally had enough 2 weeks ago and told her to leave me alone, blocked her on everything. I am making this the final discard, I really have no more energy left. Started therapy with someone specialized on the narcissistic abuse caused by people with cluster B disorders and have started to feel somewhat better. The whole relationship cycle of Cluster B disorders IS considered narcissistic abuse. Took me a while for it to click because I didn't feel abused whatsoever, and thats the trap with these people.

The first step is awareness with BPD partners, my ex gf is BPD and the emotional abuse, power dynamic games and childish pettiness is something to behold. I consider myself a decent person with faults but my ex was always overreacting to small arguments, guilt-tripping and needing constant 24/7 attention. I tried to be patient with her but unfortunately I cut her off because no one should suffer this much abuse when the other partner is doing all the work to amend the relationship and the BPD partner is in a constant state of self-sabotaging.

You just described my wife of 19 years who also has some NPD traits as well. The disassociation during one of her meltdown explains why she appears to morph in appearance into someone else. She’s in therapy but I know too much to fall for that game. Our 2 kids are only a few years from graduating from high school so I’ll play the game till then. My focu is to take care of me as a focus so I can make sure my kids are ok. They’ll be college bound soon. Update: 11/22/22 A few weeks ago we were having a conversation and she tells me she can no longer continue therapy because it’s too expensive as now her visits are no longer covered by her insurance. Now this woman gets in-home biweekly massages, as well as, her hair, nails, eyebrows, makeup and clothing done consistently for the entire time we’ve been together but therapy is too expensive. Okay?! When I pointed this out, as well as, the fact that she’s not doing anything else to work on her issues it’s unrealistic to expect our marriage to work. I love her to death but the clock is ticking

Omg this was my relationship almost word for word and I was in Stage 7 for years. Thank god I’m separated now and slowly recovering my sanity, thank you for helping me finally putting a name to my suffering

This is astonishingly accurate! It helps me understand what I've been dealing with so much! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

It’s scary how real and accurate these things are. I’ve been in a relationship with someone with BPD for nearly 7 years, with two children, and I’ve deployed 4 times in that period. I’ve spent the entirety of my life sacrificing what little I’ve had to give her everything, constantly take the blame and walk on egg shells every second of every day. A slight deviation, or small error on my end, will lead to days upon days upon days of being verbally, emotionally and physically harassed. Which is the absolute scariest part. The fact that one second we could be having a genuinely great day, and the next she can get mad, begin to yell at me and blame me for things I can’t even comprehend, and suddenly either start destroying the entire house or physically assaulting me, sometimes for an hour or longer. It’s so reoccurring that I can confidently say the entire cycle will happen every other week if not every week as a whole. She’ll never, ever, apologize, for any of it. Constantly gaslighting me into thinking or at least outwardly expressing that it’s all my fault. The only time she’s ever apologized was when, after receiving an ass beating 9 days in a row, I finally decided to divorce her. She had a complete mental breakdown, and for 4 or so days apologized for absolutely everything, made promises to get therapy and help, described how she felt as anger incarnate etc., but once she reeled me back in, it was less than 2 weeks before the cycle went back to normal. Without a doubt though the scariest thing is by far the physical violence. So often I’ll sit there desperately begging her to stop, completely distraught and in tears, and it’s almost as if that brings her some level of joy, and she’ll get worse. When looking her in the eyes, it’s like looking at a wild animal. Eyes that are normally warm, inviting and loving, become cold, callous and unpredictable. I can’t describe it. But those who have dealt with it, will understand.

No doubt your channel is a significant help for those of us dealing with such a relationship. It’s amazing how descriptive you are. It helps a lot thank you

Wow. I really needed this.. I knew my mind body and soul was picking up on all of the signs and literally everything described in this video is spot on. I’m currently 5 months into this relationship and everything mentioned has been EXACTLY what’s been going on. Thank you for this, while it’s still early I think this video gave me peace of mind in realizing what I’m really dealing with.

This presentation is so true. I had 7 days peace before my ex fiancee started crossing back and forth the border between neurotic and psychotic; BPD co-morbid with narcissism.

Thank you so much Lise. Just got out of this exact cycle. I really appreciate you breaking down the different phases they perfectly match up with what I experienced

Thanks for this. Opened my eyes a bit. It's hard to just give up on a person, but sometimes sacrifices need to be made to keep your own mental health in check. Even if it hurts a whole lot.

I am just coming out of one of these relationships after 2 years. Everything you said is spot on and I have to tell you it is so brilliant that I can listen to something to give me solace, as often I have felt that everything was my fault. Although I could logically work out what was happening, when the emotions and love I felt are triggered it became such a powerful situation to deal with. The hard part is how to get the BPD person to recognise their role in the situation as, in my case anyway, I believe she is totally convinced that it really is all my fault. Once again, I thank you for your great work

I’m so glad there are people like you out there that make these videos. We’re no longer together but I really care about her and don’t know what to do. Great video, though.

After 9 years she kicked me out of our apartment, and wouldn't let me back in. I could only come back in to pick up my belongings with an arranged time and date. I have done everything for her over the years shes having a really bad espiside. Said she has no love for me left etc. I told her years ago I would never abandon her. She abandoned me! I lost my home, 2 cats, and a step daughter over an argument. I left to my mothers house for the night to cool off the day she kicked me out, and never let back in. I miss them all tremendously it has been almost 5 weeks. This is incredibly sad and the hardest thing I have ever done. I miss my best friend even though I am heart broken & angry too. This is a legit nightmare.

This is 100% my last relationship. Incredible. I got away from that and now my life changed completely for the better. Please take care of yourself

Been married to my BPD wife for 25 y now. Fortunately being a Soldier and police officer gave me an abundance of patience. Many of the problems you addressed I was able to straight up ignore. I did not care one whit about her wild accusations.

Spot on! Thanks for this video. That's a description of her 100%.

6 years of this hit everyone out of the park you are amazing thank you for enlightening people to the truth!

It's unfortunate that I didn't see this video sooner. I lived in exactly this dynamic for a decade; had kids, tried to support her in seeking mental health services, neglected my own needs, etc...I've been divorced just one year now, I have cptsd and am geographically separated from her, but am struggling to get back on my feet. Thank you for the video.

Wow this was the best description, which depicted all the characteristics of my ex. I’m glad I protected myself and went my own way. For a long time I didn’t really understand what was going on.

So happy I found this video. And thank you for posting it. This entire video described my life for the past year. Step by step . Again thank you .

Just got to say what an amazing description of having a relationship with someone who is untreated BPD. I've spent 33 years with such a women, I think i'm beyond help i've lost all my family ties except for hers and her 2 handicapped kids. This cycle is what i have been dealing with for a long time I think i let it go on to long can't even retire with such a women. The Doctor told me to leave her, this toxic relationship is poisoned me. What you descripted made my cry that's how powerful your video is!! Thanks for making sense of my life!!

3 minutes into the video and all makes sense now, long distance kind of a relationship.. and I went into psychotic episodes... This video came right in time. Thank you very much ❤

Hello Lise, Thank you for taking the time to make these videos. I appreciate you 😉🤙🏼

This was so detailed and true to my experience. I really needed to hear this to know I'm not going mental. Doubting yourself after such a relationship can feel like hell. Also, dear people with BPD, please don't feel offended for other people's experiences with somebody that has BPD. You are not all carbon copies of each other and you are not monsters.

Thank you for this video. It has given me a lot to think about. I'm 8n a relationship with a woman who seems to have this. I thought I was crazy. I know I am not perfect. But after listening to this, I realize I am also not completely to blame for these outbursts. I appreciate you taking the time to share this.

The story of my last three years, stage by stage. Uncanny, really uncanny how accurate Lisa’s narrative is.

I had a ‘relationship’ like this. after a few weeks when I realised she was married & it was in fact an affair. She promised she would leave her husband & that it was a mistake, that she had married him & he was so awful to her. When I got the brush off, I was furious, not just with her, but with myself, for becoming so intoxicated at that time. I didn’t set out for revenge, because I genuinely didn’t want to hurt anyone & was empowered for having gone through the experience (a year later, I realised that) but what I did do, was call her husband & tell him of the affair. There is only one way forward - to live your life truthfully, I didn’t see why I should be burdened with the secret on my own. This was over 11 years ago now & has given me much insight to the game that a lot of women play. I didn’t really need that lesson in life, but am glad I had it, taught me a lot about myself & what love looks like. I don’t really know what happened to her marriage, but I suspect it continued with her manipulation of her husbands until her works it out. Although devastating for him at the time, I hope he will be empowered with insight, as to what kind of relationship/marriage he is in. These days; calm is all I’m looking for, not drama based highs - I know & authentically be, who I am, hopefully, that will come across & scare any BPD & NPD person with a vagina, away.

OMG!! You’re a godsend.. exactly what happened in my relationship with my BPD partner, over and over, stage by stage, and chapter by chapter. Every word rings truth. Can’t thank you enough for helping me understand, process and repair my mind and senses. Thank You!!

Wow..its intense to hear someone else explain my life. Thank you.