Go to our sponsor betterhelp.com/lana for 10% off your first month of therapy with BetterHelp and get matched with a therapist who will listen and help.
betterhelp has shady practices- i understand that they are financially helping you, but i hope you'll look into why betterhelp is shady, because i get the feeling that you'd like to run your channel with integrity. and betterhelp is a service that has proved to its consumers over and over that they cannot run their service with integrity. there are licensed therapists on youtube that discuss this, though these videos discussing betterhelp's shady business practices may be hard to find due to betterhelp taking legal action against the youtubers and such.
If only everyone had more questions like this maybe we would have more answers and less problems which would mean more problems would get solved 🤯🗝️🤟🙏🤲
This is super important 🙏🏻 Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years and he is the BEST communicator I’ve met. Since our first date he’s been upfront that he wants a relationship, then that he really liked me, wanted to be with me. When he is low energy he communicates that he’s in a low mood and wants to be on his own & that it has nothing to do with me. Just from my sigh he can tell that something is up and will immediately say ‘what’s wrong? I can hear it.’ Communication is #1 indeed. Talk talk talk!!!!
When my ex was in a bad mood (and that happened often) she would never tell me why so I always assumed it has something to do with me. Then much later she would say that it was something not related to me but then my mood would be ruined already.
I think you are a good communicator back as well, it's not just your boyfriend. I was like your boyfriend in my past relationship, but all my attempts at communicating were met with indifference or passive aggressiveness. The "what's wrong, I can feel it" has been "nothing, all good" for months while I knew something was not OK. I was even told that I was imagining things and frankly, at some point thought I was becoming crazy. Communication is a two way street :( P. S. I think it's perfectly fine to not be able to always be ready at any moment to communicate our feelings, especially if we are hurt, and it's ok needing time to process them first and maybe even saying "nothing al good" at first, but what matters is the effort and the will to come back to them when ready
Great idea, Lana! I definitely agree: effective communication saves you & your loved ones so much time, energy, and unnecessary emotional burnout. That being said, it can be hard, but I feel it's like ripping off a bandaid: when you do it, it's usually not that bad. If anything, the person respects you more for being honest. This changed my life.
Chances are the need to communicate will not happen during an ideal set of circumstances. The more focused and the less information that needs to be addressed, the better your chances are to be understood. Eliminate allowing your ego to interfere, and show respect and kindness, even if the other person doesn't reciprocate... Watch Lana's videos hundreds of times, smile, and repeat.
I loved the content of the video because you talk about small actions that make very significant changes in communication. You also say that this method may not work at first but eventually it will, but it would be worth mentioning what happens if our needs are not met, what consequences could there be and what decisions could one make. In addition, this tool can be used with other people and in different areas so it is a very good social skills tool.
These advices work also for any interaction. Practice with the people you spend time with, sometimes you realized that maybe you should spend less or no time with some people. Letting people know your thoughts also may lead people to let know their thoughts to the people they love. Comunication can be learnt by example. 🙂👍
That's some good advice Lana ma'am on effective communication and the last paragraph is indeed true it just depends upon the person how they dedicate there time and efforts to work out on the things 🖤✨
The way you construct the information provided by the book is splendid! But one thing about attachment theory that I don't you if you're aware of or not, is that it has been disputed by many studies since it was first published. While the information itself is quite helpful because having good communication skills is the most important thing a partner should have (IMO), the theory in its base isn't the most accurate. I have no knowledge on this subject since I haven't made any proper research on it ever, but I believe that is something people should generally be aware of. Critical thinking and proper research of knowledge is the best way to evolve as a human being and becoming better learned as an individual. Regardless of anything I wrote, your passion towards these subjects and the way you express yourself is admirable. So many people today just like to say things because they wanna be heard, but they don't actually say anything at all. You're actually addressing issues and give advice on how to deal with them, rather than throw knowledge out there without explaining how to apply it, which is a huge difference between you and many other content creators out there, so keep up what you do! As a side note, and if you don't feel like answering this question its quite understandable, but I'm quite curious how you got into this sort of passion for researching about these sort of subjects. Was it something that you always found intriguing or was it a passion you developed after going through certain situations in your life?
I am not going to lie, I am almost never interested in the video when I click. I just find your content very relaxing and always learn something when I do. Thanks for making videos.
Hi Ma'am Lana!😊 Whenever I hear about Sweden, the first person who comes in my mind is Lana Blakely. I have visited your country in my imaginations (by reading a travelogue 😃) and have very beautiful memories there. Someday, I hope to talk to you over a cup of coffee!🌼 Ok let me watch the new video! Stay Happy&Blessed! Hinza Tanveer 🇵🇰
Does this work for parent/child relationships? What if you try to start a meaningful conversation with your parent but they brush you off because you are young and just being "rebellious and disobedient". And whenever you try to get them to understand you they dismiss your concerns, or ignore you and pretend like nothing is wrong.
idk why but Lana im getting mentally weaker, im 19 years old, tall and somewhat good looking according to others, i have seen people envy me but i have become so mentally weaker and insecure about myself. I dont seek attention but have become dependent on my toxic classmates. Lana i cant keep going like this, thing is i enrolled into a local college for some time to enable myself for foreign studies but its been an year and im stuck due to indecisiveness and overthinking about every possiblilty and here i am with good for nothing people. Which, makes me confused and left in the dark, my parents are reluctant to send me abroad as i show too much emotions through aggression. My mental health is going down and im scared i might be a sociopath. pls i need your help, i am always neglected no matter where i type. I was a good kid and want to be one, i dont do drugs or indulge in anything wrong while everyone around me does, but im messed up mentally, pls i need help. A man cannot go out like that, pls
I cannot that you enough. I seem to find myself a need to often apologize. I don't find openness offensive; so well aware am I-unique to us I've been saying. Listening, just listening, not being spoken to, intending to be heard. Love I do for you, that being said; love all my life I deceive me! You cannot make that up. I just said that here on RU-vid. You can't make that up is popularly said in my opinion as something one may believe is unoriginal or disingenuous. I know I wish what love is in a way. Hope I don't offend you.
Tam biet nha.can than coi chung vai bua yeu tui nho tui hok chiu noi bay gio do nha.chui cho da di vai bua den nha keu anh lam tho y.uh. can than trai tim bn do nha.minh la ke cap trai tim .😚ne
You added the video super fast behind each sentence.. Maybe you could have a longer pose, so that you can let the words come in and progress what you are saying..... Its just a tip.. I like your content!
Something looks a little off about the cover picture on this one. Retouched? Lana imposter? Looks a little puffy and impossibly smooth. Thankfully Lana is distractingly beautiful as always in the video. Just don't be like Megan Fox, Lana. She was about the same age you are when she bizarrely decided her face wasn't quite perfect. So she must've gone to the same plastic surgeon that Kenny Rogers did, and now she not only looks worse, but will never look natural again.
How did you end up with such a wise head on such young shoulders? If you look deeply into Transactional Analysis, you soon realise that so much of our communication can make things worse (acting up etc) instead of calmly stating what you need/want, or dislike. Funy how we teach kids algebra that they may never use, and chemistry that they will forget 6 months after school, but never "how to have a great life with another human". Great video!
Part of what I like about being in a relationship is I'm never alone, even when my gf isn't with me I know she's there for me. Just like I'm always there for her.
Part of what I like about being alone, is I'm never alone, even when I sleep, I know my tought are there to torture me. Just like I'm there to fight against them.
Always makes my day when you post! Discovered your Patreon and wish I could’ve been a part of book club! I’m really into books again like when I was in my teen years. I’m a huge fan and you always have my support! You’re so cool & cute just an amazing combination as a person! I appreciate your work!
@@jeevz3892 waste? Idk but it just sound like you’re jealous. Even if your not, why would it matter to you? You don’t maybe she really did know need it.
@@falinawells6592 @Falina Wells oh my wealthy friend. My suggestion was just to indicate, still there are people who don't even have food to eat properly. share your money who is really in need of it. not for someone who makes hundreds of dollars in a noon just from add. still it's your money choice is yours. ❤️
I highly recommend the book Nonviolent Communication, a lot of what you said reminded me of this book, but I think nonviolent communication could be even more effective because it teaches you to understand and own your emotion and needs and gives you a sense of agency, I’ve found that my relationship with myself has also improved after reading this book
Consultation is the number one skill I look for in a potential partner (notice I said 'skill', not 'attribute'). I've never understood why modern dating more closely resembles an animal mating ritual than a journey of mutual discovery. If you want to get to know someone, go solve a problem together, *serve* together, *do* a thing that requires you to be who you are together and their true nature will appear-your true dynamic will appear. Trouble is, society is set up to do the complete opposite of that, to "keep them guessing". I *guess* I'll pass, thank you.
As someone who gets massive anxiety just thinking about communicating what bothers me to my boyfriend out of fear of driving him away or saying something « the wrong way », your video really opened my eyes on how « simple » and fundamental communication is in a relationship. Thank you so much, this was really helpful and I’m going to try to have an honest, open hearted convo with my boyfriend next time I see him!✨
This is so true. My husband and I have been married for 15 years. Got together at 22. When we see how poorly our friends communicate to their partner it makes us cringe. Yes we both don’t always agree but we always allow each other to express our feelings as long as we don’t swear, call names and we have to acknowledge what the other person says. We can’t ignore their feeling. We also never to go sleep mad and if the fight goes on too long we stop and just hug for a minute
Awesome video as usual, Lana! Love that you take responsibility for your own life and relationships instead of placing blame. Very healthy because it puts you in the driver seat and not relying on someone else to run your life. Keep being your awesome self!
It's really strange, this is generally really good advice, but I've had 2 people I really liked tell me they didn't want a relationship with me because "It was always too obvious what I was thinking" or "I didn't have enough mystery". Which is really strange. Ultimately rejection exists for a good reason, as it keeps people who aren't meant to be together apart, and perhaps this is just a sign that those women are too immature for me in my current stage of life and I should just move on. But I found it interesting how two girls said that to me. Perhaps all this "Wear you needs on your sleeve" is great advice, but in the beginning stages women prefer a level of mystery?
That sounds like they were toxic or very inmature people. I can't comprehend how someone would think lackluster communication ("mYsTeRy") is better than communicating properly. I would not feed into anyone's toxic idealization of "mysterious" communication and instead would cut them off harshly, because I'm tired of people like that. It's like they don't see you as a human but rather as a book or movie/anime character or something and they want to discover your "lore", but don't want you to "spoil" it all in the first conversations
As a woman who used to be the same way, I can tell you it's because they're not at a place where they can be in a healthy relationship. They've internalized what they've seen in the media and the dynamics of people around them (which probably aren't good). Nowadays, I prefer people who can communicate well. Sometimes I feel like those people are too good for me but I'm working on my self esteem so I hope that wouldn't be the case anymore in the future :)
The problem in sharing exactly how you feel and asking people questions instead of assuming things is: 1) people hate confrontation and almost 90% will not appreciate you being very transparent and open when you tell them did you mean to do that or I was hurt when you said this.. 2) people will often lie if you are direct with them 3) you will appear as needy and crazy because people are not used to other people being open and direct. I've actually started to do this and I'm losing friendships over it.. so I feel it's not worth it to be honest in all relationships, not all people are worth being direct with, and instead of assuming try just to not overthink someone's intentions and that's it..
Attachment styles truly helped me tremendously with communicating with people and understanding where issues have risen in past friendships. Assumptions and acting on an emotional level without putting yourself in the other person’s perspective is the devil.
It seems like the key takeaway is to communicate and to do it honestly. You can't fix a problem if you don't try to fix it. And, not communicating at all is the same as not trying to fix the problem. I would argue this translates into every kind of relationship whether romantic or platonic. It takes an intelligent person to see the problem, and wise person to understand the problem, and a person that takes action to fix the problem. Lana is clearly all three of these people and I'm glad to see she is doing her part by bringing these untalked about issues to the light in a mature and professional manner.
wow the segment on protest behavior opened up my eyes. thanks as always lana, oh and by the way, did you know that lana in spanish which is my mother tongue means wool, i think you are as tender and elegant as wool. it really suits you warm tone and cozy delivery.
I love you Lana! That’s all I wanted to say. Always makes my day when you post! & can’t wait until you get into running book club again!! Now.. time to actually watch your new vid!
Yesterday I went on a second date with this girl who I had interest with at the end of the first date. It seriously blows my mind how fast a vibe can change from date to date. Maybe it was the location or the circumstances - me traveling from across town the AC high and needing to use the restroom so bad. But anyways, the vibe was different from the first we meet and part of it was that I didn’t do anything to establish a deeper connection with her. Maybe dating is emotionally exhausting for me at the moment. I still want to put myself out there and adjust to this dating life. “The grass is greener where you water it”
Bro! Can I please know what according to you could you have done different for the second date to go as well? I have a second date planned for this week and want to make sure we carry the awesome momentum from the first one :)
@@pratikkarmiani9387 Awesome you got a second date this week, that means her attraction level is more than a 5. This time you want to raise your attraction level a top notch. Now looking back to my second date, this is what I failed to do: - “take two steps forward, one step back, two steps forward, one step back…” what I mean by this…is that you want to establish a deeper connection on this date and at the same time give her some space, but still come back to her. You don’t want to come as clingy. Ask her questions about something she’s looking at the store, be charismatic - read the temperature of the room, is it hot day, let’s go to a store where there’s an AC. Take charge of the date and be assertive. All these moves translate to assertiveness, confidence, trustworthiness, and reassuring she’s safe with you. The sense of humor will come to you naturally if everything is going right on this date. Always keep the good vibe going. Also, don’t be afraid to communicate your intentions with her sometime during that date. Tell her you enjoy her company and ask her how she feels. Just be mentally prepared if she tries to friend zone there in person. And don’t talk bad about past dates or don’t even bring it up unless she tries, but it’s a test to see how respectful you are if she does something out of the ordinary. Good luck my friend!
@@pratikkarmiani9387 Hey, I can share my thoughts if you wish :) At least, what I remember that my boyfriend did on our first dates. He really just had a list of topics/questions to discuss on his phone😅 And also was sincere, which is more important. It’s also helpful to relax and have some fun, as well as being gentle with her. Hope this helps! Good luck! I hope you both have great time🙌 Just the fact that you care for the date makes me think it should go fine from your side.
@@DianaBelovaYT hey thank you so much! Very kind of you to stop by and help! Appreciate it. You know what’s funny? My date’s on Saturday and I have already started creating a list in my phone’s note app of things I want to talk about, just like your boyfriend did 😂 I also have another list with notes from our first date, just so that I can ask her follow-up questions :) Thanks again! Will try to stay relaxed, have fun and be gentle.
"Whether he or she is concerned about your well being, has your best interest at heart, and is willing to work on things". Even if you don't have a lot in common, the application of this quote by both people is basically what determines whether one's relationship will continue to flourish or not.
I was in the brink of suicide, until I found Lana Blakely's amazing videos. I put down the sword and picked my phone up lit-up with your insightful face. My entrails thank you Lana. When I finally die one day in old age, I want people to cut out my entrails and spell L-A-N-A.
Okay please make a video on how not to misunderstand someone? Like how to analyze the intention yk its a very critical topic ik because it depends on a lot of things but HOW TO NOT LET INSECURITY COME IN ITS WAY??
A better way to live is this: 1. Don't be co-dependent 2. Don't be a yes person 3. Live alone and improve yourself If you don't do this first then you're just a salesman trying to convince people you speak the truth.
Hey! Lana your videos are truly truly helpful to me in my life and I love your videos a lot you inspired me a lot and I wish you reach 1 Million Subscribers very very very soon!😭💕✨
this has helped a lot so far theank you spo much for your psotive and supportive help which i apprieciate i can talk to so many people now with the communications skills you have thaught to me this day! :D
Idk about this one. All of these seem like things a person that is reliable on their Partner would say and need. Rather than telling the other person how to behave so that we can love them how about letting them behave how they want because effectively you can and want to only control your own actions. Sure it's okay to say I would prefer if WE make Plans in advance but not "YOU have to call me once a day/make Plans in advance so I feel whole". If you can't feel complete and wanted without a Partner you won't feel like it with one. Doesn't matter how much you bent them in shape the work is still internal. Until you feel like you are at your best most unbothered without a Partner when you are enjoying life alone you can enjoy it with someone else too not the other way around.
