Hey guys! Just wanted to let you know that my new book, Things That Matter, is finally here. I put my heart into it, and I can’t wait to share it with you. You can pick up a copy at www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/676394/things-that-matter-by-joshua-becker/
OMG I got your book and am about halfway through it. I searched "how to complain less" and found this video. I had no idea this was the same person until I saw this comment! I have your book sitting right here next to me! Thank you for the tips, cheers!
1. Decide to complain less 2. Embrace life's imperfections 3. Discern criticism from complaint 4. Be mindful of your audience 5. Avoid starting a conversation with a complaint 6. Avoid complaining for validation 7. Identify triggers 8. Experiment
Thank you, I am a chronic complainer who knows the damage it has on others and myself. I've made progress and these suggestions will help me to break this habit.
Wow! A chronic complainer who knows the damage it has on others and herself - you have succeeded at the heart of the matter which is owning your behaviour! You will get there! I have a sister who complains 24/7 and it is SO depressing to others. She either doesn’t know she does it, or does not care that it affects others. I notice that I and others complain more when in conversation with her as well. It has sapped the life out of her and our family.
Chomper The First my dad is the same. Everything that comes out his mouth is complaining and even though we've told him we don't want to hear it he completely dismisses it and continues complaining. In the end you just have to try to stay away from them as it's detrimental to your wellbeing. You become who you surround yourself with.
Thank you for recognising your contribution to the universe. You have made 50% improvement already. Sometimes it is just a matter of releasing through an orgasm. I wish you all the best
I have the same problem and try to work on it. I complain constantly. It never stops.. i don‘t want to be like this anymore and i don‘t want to be emotionally draining to my partner..
Remembering that our ancestors were so much happier with so much less materially, and many unthinkable hardships, helps me to complain less and practice gratitude more.
I’m from the U.S., and I’ve noticed this to also be true in my travels. I’ve been to a few very poor areas of the world, and the children there seemed to be so happy with so little- they even tried to share with me!!
LeMErin21 I completely agree. I've seen places of poverty too and despite their situation the children were so happy and so appreciative of everything. I think it's also because true happiness comes from our connections with others, not material things that are just a passing fancy to us. But western society tries to condition us to be materialistic, hence why we keep chasing the next big thing thinking it will bring us happiness. I'm very content just cuddling my animals quite frankly!
As odd as it sounds we found we complained less when we ditched the tv where so many shows were based on complaining about something. We also limit social media where trolls abound. Being more physically active outside, and learning to be more content with stillness and less chatter has changed my life to the point I talk less (smiling) and talking less means less complaining. After we lent our copy of Cal Newport's 2019 book Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World to a friend they noted that ALL their family members complained less once they reduced their time on social media where trolls flourish.
I agree with this statement with one caveat. I have an uncomfortable chronic illness that sometimes leads to whining and complaining. An online, closed group of folks with a similar illness provides a safe place to complain and get support from someone who knows what it is like to live with the issues that arise.
@@sisterpamop it's okay to express the difficult things your going through ❤️ "complaining" about your suffering and non-happy emotions is human. We need to feel understood and loved and sometimes that means sharing our struggles, which to people who don't understand or appreciate hard things may seem "negative"
@@sisterpamop I personally do not see someone like you who has a chronic health problem, who shares their struggle is actually whining or complaining, since most folks like you (in my view) are looking for feedback that may help. Whining and complaining to me is when someone has NO desire to see if anyone has suggestions on how to improve the situation.
Took down notes on all the negative outcomes of complaining ... whew! And already, when I opened my mouth several times to say something, remembering the outcomes, I shut it. My world's gonna be a quieter place for sure.
Lots of things to complain about! Rarely a healthy issue, and impacts others and our attitude! 1. Decide to make a change - Never thought how it affects us - Give rather than drain 2. Embrace the reality of an imperfect world - Life will NEVER go the way you wanted - Instead, focus on contribution rather than your pleasure 3. Consider difference between criticism and complaining 4. Be mindful of your audience - Use problem solving language if they can help, if not tread lightly - Preface as a vent if needed, keep it brief 5. Don't start with a conversation with a complaint 6. Refuse to complain for the sake of validation - Don't seek to impress others 7. Notice your triggers to complain - Avoid your triggers, if possible - Be aware 8. Try it as an experiment - One day trial, no complaining
Not sure why u still have only 178k subs, when i search minimalism all channels that come are the usual suspects for "minimalism" hype, u r the true brand for the real minimalism. Hope this channel and its message gains more traction and u reach 1M + subs. the world needs it!
Many years ago I worked in a shop. There were always customers who would complain about anything and they were the ones we felt less inclined to help. Other customers were always cheerful even when things went wrong and we would put ourselves out to help them! When I have a genuine complaint I try to be polite and not get angry and on the whole people are willing to put things right. I am amazed at the amount of time some people take to complain about something really trivial rather then just getting on with life!
I've recently been more aware of my complaining and sad about the effect it has on my family. I've been needing a way to tackle this and these tips are so useful! Many thanks! Love the channel by the way 🌟
This is very helpful. I've been complaining for years without realizing it, until my co-worker pointed out that I always complain. It has been a habit taken from my family and it has a negative impact on my life. Thanks a lot!
#7- identify triggers: I’ve identified Monday mornings as a trigger, but I haven’t quite figured out how to avoid those 😆 In all seriousness, this video is very timely. I try my hardest to practice gratitude, and reducing complaints goes hand-in-hand with that. Thank you, as always!!
Find a ritual that you really love that you only do on mondays in the morning and to cap off the day in the evening. Maybe using your special perfume Monday morning and having a small slice of cheesecake after dinner on Monday evening (as long as you aren’t eating sweets all week that is! 🤪) Or only buy a Starbucks Monday morning and watch your favorite recorded show only on Monday evening. Make it special. Also, instead of reminding yourself all the time “it’s Monday, grumble grumble”, wake up and remind yourself that “today is a new day, and the day doesn’t happen to me, I make it happen”.
@@AMcDub0708 all good ideas!! Since I originally posted that, I quit the job I had then and have a started a new one that I really enjoy, so I don’t dread Mondays like I used to. I really like the line about “the day doesn’t happen to me I make it happen.” I will remember that 👍
I like how you succinctly and clearly described the pitfalls of complaining and the benefits of not complaining. I feel both are needed to truly understand why it's so important to complain less. I took the "complaint free challenge" back in March and I recently accomplished 21 days without complaining (phew, no easy task!) and I am still surprised by how much my life and attitude have changed for the better.
Decluttering our homes is actually going to start with our experiences with each other the way we welcome each other and treat each other is how we will start to feel more welcomed into the home not by creating a fear of the others around us that they will start complaining as soon as they walk in or that we will complain to them. This is honestly such a huuuuge topic that you have really narrowed down and simplified the main reason for unhappiness within the home the stress is not just from the clutter around us even though it may be one of the causes but the relationships in our home are hugely impacted by the constant negativity and fearing each other's negativity. Rally useful video.
A positive attitude also fosters good health on all levels .. Look for the good in situations that may seem negative . they are usually a catalyst for change for something better . .
This is such a valuable video, thank you. I'm a Christian and very often feel guilty about my complaining. When the Israelites were experiencing the Exodus they did nothing but complain and God was not pleased! My lifes experiences are certainly nothing compared to theirs, how easily I moan!
Great video! I need to take this advice very seriously. I complain a lot and need to be more positive about my life and my work. Many thanks for another excellent video!
Once again - you're so right. This one hit me. Thanks for sharing the subject. Deep down I'm sure that most of us know how much we have to appreciate and be thankful for: You just reminded me about that. ❤
Another great video! Over the past year battling chronic pain, I have learned about complaint versus lament… very helpful. Complaint and grumbling hang there in a downer cloud. Lament acknowledges the complaint, but doesn’t land there… “How long, God?” To “Yet You are with me.” To “Praise You, Lord.” I love how you point out this isn’t a perfect world…we DO have trouble. When I was taught not to complain (period) I wondered what to do with my struggle. Lament is KEY! Talk to a friend. Talk to God. And don’t stay stuck in complaint mode. Thanks Joshua!!
I am in a lot of pain often and I wasn’t aware that I complained about it. I honestly don’t feel heard, and I was seeing things from a Lens of “what I would do” I have always poured too much into helping others and I provide quality care but since I’ve been sick things are not the best and I try being positive as possible. However something is hard to avoid. I am working on getting better but sometimes I just want to be comforted and have a little compassion without ASKING or forcing the other person to see my perspective.
Thank you Mr. Joshua🙏 I have been your subscriber since 2 years & your wisdom has been helpful in my life. As a toddler mom & a wife I do tend to complain & I myself am weary about it. All you said is true, their is a particular time of day when I do it that is evening. I tried 21 day positivity challenge ,will try no complaining 21 day challenge💪Thank you once again 😀🙏
Sadly I needed to hear this today. Normally positive I had a bad mood yesterday. As you were giving suggestions at the end, I was thinking maybe Sunday’s (or whatever day suits) should be intentionally complaint free. As you rightly pointed out we can sneak them in; I’m so busy/tired/overwhelmed at the moment. Thank you for another great video
Great advice! Thank you for this much needed message to be mindful of our words. Complaining takes us down a negative spiral pulling those around us into our vortex. Let’s strive to have a positive outlook and to think about the good of others. We need to lift each other up! God bless!!!
I always learn something from your videos, so please keep them coming! If we are an average of the 5 people we spend the most time with, I am happy to have some of your calm energy and thoughtfulness influence me.
So glad I found this video and this channel. I'm ready to stop complaining so much. Unhappiness has found a dwelling place in my life and it's just not okay. Now that I'm married, it's even more important for me to stop this bad habit. Thank you for this excellent advice 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
It's common ground. People relate to it & can contribute to the conversation. Not that that's good, but there you have it. We need to think more positively to speak positively!
And I would add exquisitely articulated. Every New Year resolution for decades has been to stop being a murmurrer (same thing as a complainer) and here is the blueprint how to deafen the inner voice of complaint that too often hits the ears of others!
*To all those who are going through tough times, I wish you well and I hope you find perspective in life that keeps you pushing forward and doing your best. Just remember, that’s all you can expect from yourself and if you’re doing that, you’re doing great! 👍🏻*
Hi This used to be me when I see my friends I always try to say something happy to them and at the local supermarket checkout I can usually find something nice to say about theperson serving me, smiles on their face when I say and mean it you have beautiful skin or what fantastic eyebrows I lovely hair make my day far too often people get criticism rather than a compliment.I read somewhere that we can’t change the world but we can change the 6 ft.² area that our body in habits by treating those who come near us with love, And kindness
So Inspiring to realize "LIFE IS IMPERFECT, TROUBLE, TRIAL & PAIN ARE PART OF LIFE! Resolution is the Solution!Thanks Josh Becker for great videos info!
Great video. I am guilty of complaining too much sometimes and I feel like I'm a negative person. I don't want to bring people down. I've always disliked people who complain about everything, and here I am doing the same 🙃 will try these tips, thanks!
Thank you Joshua! I'm going to combine non-complaint (neutral and grateful) mindset with atomic habits. Reducing the amount i complain. Eventually I'll be where i desire to be, and I'm doing this forever so its best to start small! All the best. ❤
When my loved ones complain, often I challenge them (mildly). E.g. "We are so fortunate because .... we have a roof over our heads, we have food, we have work, we have a garden, we have fun, .. or, "Maybe that really slow driver we were stuck behind is saving us from an accident". However, I do empathise when someone is hurt, annoyed. Sometimes complaining can be a way of expressing deeper emotions.
Thank you for this it was a timely message. I don't like to complain but I have been focused on one person in particular lately and I really need to get off it and change my focus. Thanks for the encouragement in that direction and I'm going to try to keep my mouth shut on that topic for 24 hours and maybe it'll keep it going! Thanks again
