A For Average, B For Bad: Behind The Model Minority Myth | NBC Asian America 

I feel like this mindset is present in a lot of immigrant's children, not just Asian's, because immigrants most of the time had to struggle to get where they are, and they want to ensure you succeed

dad: Are you a doctor? kid: no im 12 dad: talk to me in 20 years

A for “as expected” B for “be gone from the house”

As an African immigrant, I have to say that this is an immigrant mindset. My parents are convinced that the only way for me and my siblings to be happy is if we are the best in school if we go to the best universities and get the highest paying jobs. They don't really care about what makes us happy or what we want to do with our lives. Choosing to do something you want in such a household is like you become a failure. You become a disappointment to your parents and when you think of all the things they did to get you where you are, guilt starts eating you up from the inside. It's horrible and as a person, you feel empty and everything feels meaningless and it's even worse when you can't open up to your own parents without feeling like you're doing something bad.

F is for find a new family

My parents are perhaps the most lenient Asian parents yet somehow I still feel pressured to get good grades. All of my friends have straight A’s and are well disciplined so I felt inferior. I’m basically trying to get good grades to prevent myself from feeling inferior and worthless.

It's stressful as a kid when it's ingrained in you to please your parents. And so many end up living their parents dreams and not their own.

A-sian! Not B-sian!

She still graduated on top of her class in Harvard though

It's sad that parents push their kids to succeed academically but completely fail to cater to their emotional and personal needs. Being good in school can in many cases lead you to a successful career, but that doesn't equate to happiness. More money and more prestige doesn't mean you achieve happiness.

More like I knew I was going to get discriminated for being Asian, so I had to become smart. Parents didn't even push me at all academically.

I can already smell the disaster awaiting in the comments section...

I got a C in economics at a college while STILL in high school. My only C in my whole life. I was so scared to tell my parents. But looking back at it now, it wasn’t my parents that pressured me although it was what i thought at the time. It was actually me who pressured me to make good grades.

A= Average B= Bad C= Couldn't be worse D= Don't come home F= Failed life

A+: Acceptable A: Average B: Below average C: can’t have dinner D: don’t come home F: find a new family

Fortunately my parents never saw B as bad. They saw it as decent. I think it’s tough when a straight A student gets their first non A. I’ve seen my friends breakdown over a B which reminds me of Shannen’s experience. Your life doesn’t revolve around a grade. Grades are arbitrary. There isn’t a standard for grading criteria. One professor may think a paper is a A, others may see it as a D. Even then like Shannen mentioned, what matters is personal happiness.

I'm Asian too (Bangladeshi actually) and this is so relatable. Good grades is like a way to represent yourself in your community.

I always admire Asians for their hard work and contributions to America. Plus they’re the least crime committing minority. My best friend is Filipino. Her parents immigrated to California from Philippines 20 years ago with only $500 in their pocket. Now they live in a $3 million mansion and they are the most humble people I have ever met. We Americans can learn alot from them.

A: Average B: Bad C: Can't eat tonight's dinner D: Don't come back home F: Find a new family

My father told me, "You could lose everything except your knowledge and education. Nobody can take that away from you so read and read as much as you can". And he was right. - Asian german here

For immigrant's mind, failure is not an option. No turning back.

I understand how she feels being pushed to be her best her whole life and not giving time be herself. On the other hand I was never pushed and now wish that my parents had pushed me so I could have gone to a better school and got more opportunities career wise.

It's not about model minority, it's about mindset.

This is why I go to Hogwarts

I know this is really hard for the traditional Chinese to hear, but in my experience, character counts for more than grades - in the long run.

Unfortunately being pushed to have the best grades and then wrapping your whole identity and self-worth around that suffers when that's all you are. Life is a lot more than that one academic dimension.

So relateable because I'm Asian to

I know someone who fits this "model minority" stereotype, only thing is that he's Nigerian. Lol, there is no model minority only model individuals, people who put up their best always or at least try.

Well in the end she dose go to Harvard, go to med school and probably gonna make money that are better than most of the people commenting on this video. She did get things in return for her work and she should at least appreciate that she was given the chance of living a good life by her parents. I’m not saying it’s the only way to live a life, but it sure seems a good life to me

A+: Awesome A-: Average B+: BEATING B-: BEATING WITH INTENSITY F-: FIND NEW A PARENT!

I love the Asian work ethic. Its something that a lot of Americans should take up. We should make being fat and having guns a big deal too.

Asian families mentality education=salvation from poverty. This is unfortunate as well as a blessing. The way i grow up is something like- parents: "if you want to live a better life and not be on the streets study. And study hard then get a high paying job" I eventually enjoy the life i have today because of it but back then it was an really a large amount of pressure to perform academically.

Same as Nigerians. 😂Most of the times you get used to it. Often times the pressure to do better is for two reasons: 1) Be Better than your parents 2) Not have to struggle like they did.

The problem with this mindset is that in many cases a good college is the end game result. When you are away from your parents, you don’t want to work as before you always worked because your parents forced you. I think it’s better for your parents to want you to learn something, as the desire to learn will follow you wherever you go, no matter how far from your parents you are.

Why are people in the comments here defending tiger parenting? This type of pressure contributes to the high rate of suicide in young people in East Asian countries. I am a product of this type of parenting too. I’m thirty and I have a stable high paying career in healthcare. But . . . it has not brought/bought me happiness. And now my parents want me to MARRY a doctor as well, or somebody equally “successful” in their eyes. The tiger parenting never stops. I refuse to breakup with my current boyfriend because he is one of the few sparks of happiness in my life, and they threaten to disown me. I would gladly trade in my career for a slightly more loving childhood. Hard work and education are important, but parents shouldn’t make their children feel like they’ve failed at life if they don’t become a doctor/lawyer/PhD-engineer.

IMO No matter how many times they complain, Asian Americans or Europeans are the luckiest Asians, though most of them are pressured to get an A, their pressures are nothing compared to real Asians, in Asia the pressures are so real that we have the highest suicide rates among all continents. Some poor people have to work dangerous jobs in order to pay their school, some kids got killed, robbed or kidnapped when they're on their way to school. My parents used to tell me to get an A too, but later I found that they actually don't want me to get an A, they want me to give it my all, to have big goals and big dreams and thrive through the challenges.

The fact is there's no such thing as "model minority", there are only "model people". Model people have strong work ethics, resilient and persistent in achieving their life goals.

“There’s just this feeling of never being...enough.” I get that

Wow! This really speaks to me. As a college student at Penn, I felt exactly like her. Now I kind of found my own way, but it took a lot of courage to keep carving my own path.

I feel like this whole piece is just about identity and confidence issues. You can easily do a bit on an under achiever that's content but wishes they had tried harder. She's at where she is because she's a perfectionist but being that is one she can never be too sure or fully happy. She has a degree and a stable life she just needs to learn how to enjoy life and not take it too seriously.

My parents are super relaxed with underlining pressure and expectations. They’re relaxed cause they assumed I’d do well

As Asian parent my planned for my daughter is to get AA+ all the time. A- is not in the radar and B+ is a no no. Yep lots of pressure cooker for them So far, the plan is great, they are topping the class. Beside the grades, I taught them to be friendly, humble and cooperative. Once they graduate in high school with flying colors, my ultimate plan is not to enroll them to Ivy league. That's where most Asian parents are making the mistake. I will stop them competing with the best of the best but rather prepare them for a long lasting career. Yes sir, reputable college where they can be happy with less pressure and still accomplish a better career. After all, I can guarantee they can make as much as the student went to Ivy league. This plan will keep my children out of poverty and share some their resources to the unfortunate.

Chinese student : hey dad, I got a b+ in astrophysics Parent : you have chosen to get a beating? Student: I repeat the course.

As a black guy I personally feel east asians in general are good at science and maths due to tradition. Their language is the hardest language to learn and write (Mandarin). The great walls of China architecture is so fascinating to know it was biult without advanced machines. It takes a group of Smart brains to do that.✌👍

Unfortunately, for Asian Americans, the conversion rate of good grades / good degrees to good job or corporate success is not that high.

I’m an Asian living in Asia. Growing up, my parent always told me to work hard and get a good grade. They always compared me to other children back in the day. I didn’t choose everything for myself. Since I was a very small kid, I was very obedient. All I did is for them. I ended up studying what I don’t really like in college just because they it’s good. I know they want the best for me but it feel suffocated sometimes.

I can relate to this a lot. I'm from a Mexican family, and only one of my parents made it to college. I'm the youngest of 4 brothers none of whom went or even tried to go to college so I felt a lot of the pressure was on me to succeed. Being the youngest a lot of people think I get the most attention from my parents but in reality the only time they ever seemed to really notice me was when I received an award, got a good grade, or achieved academically. It really made my self worth tied to a judgment done by another person. I felt meaningless with out a good grade, a teachers approval, or an award. This really all culminated to a breakdown at graduation, I graduated with honors and was part of the top 5% in my state but I felt so stupid when I hadn't decided on a major. I had to take a step back and ask myself what parts of me weren't for someone else. I had realized that for a majority of my life I did everything to make my parents proud and honestly I didn't know who I was. I had become a trophy, I was something with little to no value, who's sole purpose was to look good and be shown off. I started to develop major panic attacks and ptsd. I would have nightmares about failing in school or being late to class. Honestly it sucked, and even today I still get pretty anxious about school, if I don't have a perfect grade I still feel part of me didn't achieve anything and I constantly have doubt about my major, I constantly feel like I'm not good enough and it really sucks. I wish the world wouldn't put so much pressure on young people to succeed because in the end it doesn't even bring you any true happiness. Down the line you will wake up and realize that you wasted your life chasing after meaningless success only to receive regret and a wasted, unhappy life

"A" grades are fine and dandy at an undergraduate level. Memorization of procedures, facts and methods is one thing, but how good are you at creating new knowledge? That is the question for the post graduate and the entrepreneur.

We need to also remember that the concept of “Model Minority” was created by a white man, a term used to suggest that there was no need for government action to adjust for socioeconomic disparities between minority groups in America. So, by continuing to ignore this important history of the term, and only applying it to describe the “Asian American” experience and what success means, we neglect the impact it has on other Asian groups that aren’t categorized under “Model Minority”, as well as a ton of other minority groups.

A-verage B-ad C-atastrophic D-isowned

I am not Asian, Hispanic in fact, but I relate to this so much. I remember being really little, elementary, and I came home from after-school care and showed my dad my "report card", he took one look at it, looked at me, and went "So? You could have done better." My entire report card was A's. I didn't know what to do, ever since then I've been repeating the same sentence in my head, "You will never be good enough, you won't impress them.". I'm 16 and every time I get anything lower than an A I break down. I have started to not care about what I end up doing but intead how much that makes. This video was really eye-opening, there are still a lot of things I need to work on. Thank you and good luck to everyone out there.

I have no problem with Asians being a "model minority", but I was just wondering... Where was the "Model Minority" label when Black people, despite their mistreatment and sufferings throughout American History, remained faithful and true to this nation? Where was the "Model Minority" label when the Tuskegee Airmen and millions of Black American men gave their lives for America in the American Revolution, the Civil War, World War I, World War II, Korean War, Vietnam, Persian Gulf War, Iraq Afghanistan and the War on Terror? Where was the Model Minority label: - When 107 Historically Black Colleges (HBCU's) with over 288,000 students, have been graduating doctors, lawyers, engineers, computer scientists, nurses, among many others? Historically Black Universities have been in existence and graduating Black American students since 1837. - When Black American political leaders broke down barriers to become the first minority Mayor's of America's largest cities, members of the Senate, Congress...and President. - When Black Americans writers and authors such as Langston Hughes, James Baldwin, Zora Neale Hurston, Loraine Hansberry, Mya Angelou, Richard Wright, and Ralph Ellison, among others, were writing great American literature, and breaking racial barriers. - When Guion Bluford became the first Black American and minority to enter into space on board the Space Shuttle And US Army General Roscoe Robinson became the first Black America 4-Star General. - When Young Black athletes enter the Olympic games, shine bright, and win Gold Medal after Gold Medal in track and field, basketball, gymnastics, boxing and wrestling, or when Jesse Owens embarrassed and made Adolf Hitler cringe by winning the Gold medal in the 1932 Olympics.. -.When Black Americans introduced Jazz, the Blues, Rhythm and Blues, hip-hop, and rap...not only to America but the entire world! -. When Black American actors and actresses were the first minorities to tear down racial barriers by staring in and winning Academy awards. -. When Black Americans stood on the front lines for justice in the fight for Civil Rights, social and political changes which Asians and all other minority groups benefit from today! - Where was the Model Minority Label when Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat on a bus to a white man? Was Rosa Parks a "Model Minority". I think the term "Model Minority" was created to insult and marginalize the accomplishments of Black Americans

If you are able to get an A easily, why you get a B?

Not all Asian parents are like her parents. Maybe a lot are like her parents, but not all.

I'm so happy my parents pushed me to be a wholostic person. They wanted me to get straight As and get into a good college of course, but they also pushed me to explore my interests, chase a career I'm interested in, pick up some hobbies, have a social life, and have balance in my life.

A average B bad D don’t come home C cant come home F find a new family

Wow thanks for candidly sharing your story

She is me even though I'm not Asian. I feel as if I'm not good enough if I get a lower score on a test than my friends

My parents thankfully aren’t too strict with grades and say most Asians are only good at studying and that the ones in China (where she comes from) ended up in factories

Asian parents express love through expressing expectations that as a family, the kids will do better than the last generation. It is NOT one sided. My mom put me through a private high school by cleaning houses and the expectation was that they would sell the house to get me to college. I couldn’t comprehend some of my high school friends who were solidly middle class who’s parents wouldn’t do the same when they got into Harvard. Different values. Also this girl is super privileged, she is choosing between medicine or something else that makes her happy. If she ended up as an underachiever, i doubt she would have such choice, nor is she guaranteed to be more happy if she didn’t go to Harvard.

What she was talking about in the beginning...its basically most of parents (or should I say all parents?) will ask their kids to do in China. No matter you come from rich/middle class/poor family, your parents want you to do what you should do as a student, which is learning knowledge. And I personally see nothing wrong with it. I really don't understand how come you don't know what you want to do...if you are good at lots of things.....I was an average Chinese student and I wish my academic was just as good as yours so I can have more options regarding choosing my major and which University I can go to. Of course, friendship is important ...but just ask yourself or around how many of you still got in touch when you reach 30..35...40? No matter you were a nerd or cool kid in the school. Life gets in the way, eventually. Taking good care of your family will be the most important thing in your life (please allow me assume you are a responsible individual). Sorry to be a traditional Chinese, I am not only talking about taking care of your wife/husband/kids. But also taking care of your parents if you choose to be single for the rest of your life. I am 100% agree with you if you say money cannot solve all the problems. But...Unfortunately we are living in a capitalism world...most things are valued at $$$. Money, indeed, cannot solve all the problems, but can make you life easier or let you worry about less things at least. Just ask yourself...how many problems you were/are facing can be simply solved by money? Ps: Let's say, if all Asian America (actually borned and raised in US) stop doing what their immigration parents was doing to them...then there is no such issue in the future, isn't? Or they final realised, at certain age in their life, what their parents were asking them to achieve helped their life a lot. So they just repeat it...let's see.

I think this is the only video I've ever seen that I relate to as a whole person. I truly understand, in my own way, what she says. Because I am like her and I thank you for telling us what your experiences are and I know.

Hey, I just wanna say that it's not just you. I think that "A for average, B for bad" mindset is for many Asian students too. I'm one of those. I'm not saying it's good or bad but just so you know, you're not alone. That part, that you said it felt isolating and freezing, I once felt it too. It was just about 1 or 2 years ago. This mindset hurt my self-esteem and me as a person. I still felt stupid even when I got A. And when I got B or B+, I felt worse. I had to take some time off being alone to recover that. I don't know if this is because our Asian parents and the society keep telling us that good grades equals future success. I'm just trying to find a way to feel happier about other things in my life other than my good grades. If anyone feels the same, let me know please.

This also doesn’t apply to only Asians. Me, being the oldest of my siblings and a child of two Hispanic immigrants, I am pressured to do well in school. I’m actually glad that I have stress on my side to do well in school, since my goal is to disprove the current Hispanic stereotypes.

There's more to intelligence than grades...

Roses are red violets are blue there's always an asian who's better than you

This is why cultural assimilation of immigrants in America is so important because not only do first generation Americans and immigrant children suffer from this and several other barbaric impositions, but it also harms the free sprit and culture of this nation which is founded on the principle of individual choice and freedom for all. It is individual choice that leads life to its best and the success of the United States across history is a proof of that.

Her effort and hard work is what drives this country forward.

Her parents did great... went to Harvard and now get to do the things she likes. Nothing to complaint about! should thank her parents every day!

This woman got into Harvard and is now towing this line that brings question to the methods that got her to the top of the undergraduate food chain in the world?

As a first generation Asian immigrant from Hong Kong, I will always agree with the ultra strict parenting style. It keeps our race sharp and always pushing for more in this society where not climbing equates to falling behind. We can't afford to be soft as a people, especially not now. We need to keep fighting for our spot in America.

It’s more of an immigrant mindset because as minorities we don’t have opportunities in, ironically, the land of opportunity. We have to work hard to get to where we are. We can’t slack off because we know we will instantly be judged for it even if we are smarter than most people. Our immigrant parents have suffered and sacrificed so much for us. We have to work hard and get an excellent education for our life to be worthwhile. I guess we are kind of used to it now.

My parent are from Asian Hong Kong they say I am lazy when I was in a Canadian school. They thought I didn't study or do my best. I did my best in school to please them but I still did not do so well. My parent always comparing me to my cousins or my brother or someone else daughter or son. Lucky I am in Canada they say. My relative and grandparent weren't very happy either about my achievement because starting a new life in Canada is hard. My parent got better job and pay roll and benefit in hk. and a lot of relative live there. They say I would not have move to Canada if it not for children education. They say they are happy in HK. If we live in hk and the school kick me out l will just get a job at MacDonald. That will be the end of it. No Q ask. They say only successful people can get in to university not mention getting a good job .

Would someone tell Michael Phelps that he was training too hard and spending too much time in the pool training, at the expense of his friendships and that it was not that worth it. Probably not...

Asian parents: after you study you can play…piano for 5 hours 🎉

I always tell my kids that once you have a successful career, it will provide you the financial freedom to do whatever you like and enjoy doing. Many people say that money can't buy happiness. That is a VERY dangerous thing to say to a young person. It is true to a certain extend. However, it sure makes it a lot easier. Without it, you definitely won't find happiness. Try finding happiness when you struggle to make rent every month and your fridge is always empty.

I never understood how ppl get straight As. In middle school I was in gifted classes then HS I couldn't even get Bs. I'm actually kind of smart. I've also been self taught. I have bad test skills. Now it doesn't matter because I'm doing what I love and keep growing.

I still don’t see the problem ??

You have this woman say stop saying Asians are all smart as she is going to Harvard

Sigh, I'm Asian. The thing with Asian parents (rich or poor) is that the majority raise their kids the exact same way. All Asian kids can relate. When I was younger I felt like my parents just wanted us to do well at school so that they can brag about us to other Asian parents. It's like a showdown thing. But in the end I know my parents just want the best for me so I still love them no matter what..

I kind of understand what she´s going through, when I was in elementary and middle school I was in the top 5 smartest students at my school and the smartest of all my siblings and I got so wrapped up in my academic achievements that that was how I labelled myself, as the one who got good grades. Then when I went to highschool,they didnt put me in any honors classes and I couldnt make the honor roll ( in my defense the honor roll was 3.7 and up, and a 92 percent is a B so it was really hard school) and there were lts of people who got really good grades, were good at sports also and had lots of friends... and im like, how are you great at sports, have lots of friends, and get a 4.0. I was no longer one of the smartest in my class, It seemed like everybody had better grades then me, and it helped me realize that my focus shouldnt only be on grades and I should put my time in things that I like to do, there needs to be balance of what you need to do and what you want to do, either extreme can mess up your life or make you miserable.

you have to find that place where you can find peace of mind your going to do just fine nobody said life would be easy but as a good chinese dr, said mark you have to find your balance center your focus

She is from Harvard College not Harvard University

The school that they filmed is Troy HS, which is a really big and competitive public school with an Asian majority that requires its prospective students to pass a test to get in. So, SHE WASN'T JUST TOP OF HER CLASS IN SOME ORDINARY HS EITHER. MY GOODNESS WHAT A SMART BEAN

It's hella lot easier finding who you are when you're a doctor with a degree from Harvard. I know a lot of people who thought they knew what they wanted to do with their life and they couldn't be any more wrong. I thought that, although strict your parents do know the secret to a successful life.

your amazing you even stuck it out you can do it, find your happy place and relax

B's required minimal effort, and C's for hardly trying at all. A's required some work, and A+'s means regular nose bleeds and pulling an all-nighter after a hangover. I reeked of alcohol whenever coming in to take a quiz or exam. No one can say anything because I'm always in the top 1-3 of the class. I pretty much broke all the stereotypes of a model Asian minority YOLO.

Okay i know a lot of people think that because some asians are solely focused on grades but i knew alot of well adjusted kids that got A's and was very well rounded. But even so i rather have my kid have a great education over lack of self confidence. Confidence can be had in later life education and your future can be had in later life but while your young it should be something that is sole focus to lead you to financial peace. Because with the high paying job you can just get a expensive psychiatrist. In the end you still come out ahead.

Academic robots are good at following orders, but where is the innovation?

B IS BAD. whoever doesn't think so is disrespecting him/herself.

My parents are white, and while they aren't as strict as some Asian parents, my asian/Indian friends who hear about my life have often commented how even their parents aren't that strict

C for crap D for death F for... don't get me started on F...

Well u STILL better than people who was born in the hood. No education and ended flipping burger for life

The The Chinese imperial examinations was introduced by Eastern Asia countries, this is the reason that every parent ask kids struggle for good grades. As said in Wikipedia: The Chinese imperial examinations were a civil service examination system in Imperial China to select candidates for the state bureaucracy. Although there were imperial exams as early as the Han dynasty, the system became widely utilized as the major path to office only in the mid-Tang dynasty, and remained so until its abolition in 1905.

This is our family’s standard: A = Average B = Below Average C = Crap D = Dumb F = Find a new family!

I have sympathy for the feeling of constant inferiority but I have no sympathy for someone who has the privilege to graduate from Harvard. She has the world open to her, most people have her same feelings and don’t have her opportunity. It’s hard to feel too bad for someone who’s on top. Sorry there are clouds up there, I guess. I don’t think it’s worse than the storm below.

All immigrant children go through this I'm Latino and I got the same thing get good grade or I whop I was just not scar of the belt and had bad influence too my parent really care about what other though of them hated that gang members smoke weed in front of our home but also want to have fun but my life turn out what ever. If it means anything my parents are Christian.. and I was influence by the gang culture.

I really think it’s a form of abuse. One never can really accept oneself as they are bc their parents never accepted you as you were. You are never free.

Imagine this but at Berkeley where there is grade deflation as opposed to Harvard with grade inflation...

I grew up in Downey ca which in 1970 it was Mexican, Japanese and Chinese.. it was great they were my brothers and we all went through stuff, I am lucky.