A Generation Of Seekers - Confessions From An Aging Preacher | Jerry Dean | BOTT 2015 

Excellent word!

DOB 01/10/1960 1999 loud booming voice “FEAR GOD” 2010 in a whisper “I shall supply all of your needs” 3rd in final rehab. End of a six month stay. In the cafeteria talking to myself “Pam ur worthless. Pam Uv always been worthless. Pam you will always be worthless. Why were you even born” “You are my daughter” Thursday October 14th of 2021 in a 2&1/2ish hour conversation with God I saw my first vision then. The first thing I heard “ur boys will be saved” “Mike and vickie will be saved. I will give them a baby” I meet Ricky back in 1977. We became the best of friends over a period of 3 yrs, but life happened and we went separate ways without even a kiss. My x brother in law and him have known ea other since 2nd grade, but I didn’t know that. Coz I married 2 years after him. We friended each other on Facebook. I didn’t do Facebook hardly at all until the closet July 2021 he said “Pam Ricky has always asked about you. He wants your cell number, but I need ur permission” I didn’t respond. I ignored it completely and he left it alone I’d been praying for no dissatisfaction for one thing, but I didn’t want to become a Solomon and fall away. Once I found truth I’m not jeopardizing it. I raised my boys in a church of Christ. But I decided I wanted him saved. So on September 3rd I gave him the go ahead In the closet I heard “I had Ricky find you. You and Ricky will be together. You and Ricky are chosen vessels before creation of time. You will do many great works for my kingdom” Ricky had told me he had asked Tommy to find me coz he doesn’t do Facebook. Ricky however is still in the world. He wanted more from me physically. I stopped talking to him in sept 2022 except on occasion. God told me in July at the Tioga church camp meetings while talking to sis Tenney “Ricky can’t handle his sins” I told her that and she looked at me and said “and you can’t either!” Her and I didn’t talk a lot, but I told her quite a bit Pastor Spell had been my long distance pastor since January. I didn’t proofread so I hope there’s not many mistakes. I will be honest and forthright with you. I am in obedience to the word in living in all aspects of holiness. I fot an addiction to meth 8ish out of 14ish years. I’ll be 64 in Jan Clean date 7/2015 In January of this year after carrying so much guilt for supplying my “need” for meth (it started with diet pills) I finally took it to God travailing (In a whisper 2010 “I shall supply all of ur needs” I heard “no my daughter you looked for strength elsewhere now you know I am ur strength” Depression was deep, high extremely highs and lows, bi polar one, severe anxiety to the point of almost passing out. In fact I did hyperventilate in downtown traffic okc at 5ish pm. Inside lane. As I was blacking out a straight path to the exit ramp opened and I passed out going down the long ramp and woke as I hit the curb in the bottom turn PTSD. Taken in a shed at 3&1/2. Dysfunctional household growing up. My step dad was physically and emotionally abusive. At 18 I had my first boyfriend and he ended up beating me. Found me when I got away. Raped and tried to kill me but I fought back and he went off the balcony. Then at 20 was drugged and woke up w a man on me, but he was nice and invited me to breakfast 😤 no thanks I told him. Married an emotionally abusive but hid it from my boys and they are not dysfunctional and great husbands. I could never read the book of Job. I just couldn’t. In March of this year while thinking about that and not understanding how well you understand what I’m saying. Permission and all but I heard “I never allowed more than you could handle”. I was only thinking about it. I had only a few times tho coz I wouldn’t allow myself to go there In my addiction. I ended up slamming big ones But I worked thru most of it Homeless tho a couple of times. I ended up w 14 regular notebooks of scripture and prayers. Get up. Slam. Work. Come home clean. Eat and sit or stand with Bible and notebook. Until it wore off. Repeat. I’ve shared with more now. Bro Robinette knows this truth. I do however know it’s not easy for some to believe. I experienced doubt and even unfortunately jealousy from my first church of truth, but God pulled me out of there literally because they have fallen away from holiness. I raised my boys in a church of Christ. After I began my first church of truth and got the Holy Ghost my witness should speak for itself. I went to all services, the youth functions, volunteered every Tuesday in the soup kitchen, went to the choir practices even tho not in the choir (wasn’t allowed bC of my past) but I wanted to learn all the songs, helped at all fellowships, and tho nobody else door knocked sis Catherine Walling (my spiritual mother) her n I went out door knocking. Clean date 7/15, 1st church of truth 9/16, Holy Ghost 7/17.