A Lesbian walks into a bathroom: A lesson on code switching | Lauren Hough | TEDxTysons 

5:07 "For men, their body itself is a defense. For women, our body's what we're trying to defend." She put it so well. Bullseye!

I know how she feels. I’m a straight white woman, built like Serena Williams, but slightly taller. I tend to tie my hair back. I dress in jeans and pullover shirts, because it’s convenient, and because I divorced my vanity, years ago. I can’t count how many times I’ve been called “Sir”. This, in spite of being very busty. My code switching never works, though. These experiences have, however, taught me not to attempt to “gender” someone.

09:05 "It probably doesn't occur to him that she will quit running. She will just decide that it is just not worth the risk. And she will miss it." So simple and so powerful at the same time. I wish men would understand what a profound impact their actions have on womens daily life.

Lmao who’s here from goodreads 😭🤚

I liked how real and relatable the speaker was. I learned a lot, thank you!

I have to say I'm intrigued as to why some people are so threatened by this talk? She's not telling anyone how to act or what to believe etc. All she is doing is sharing her experience and saying that a little bit of consideration goes a long way. I would feel awful if I scared someone or made them uncomfortable and as long as it was reasonable I would do what I could not to scare them. The content of her talk is easier to relate to when you think about how you would feel if it were someone you loved was scared by a stranger? Would you tell that person to get over it and toughen up or would you wish that they hadn't been scared and that perhaps the stranger had been more aware in how they came across? We live in a society. The minute we start thinking only about ourselves we lose the best of us. A tiny gesture can mean the world to someone else even if you don't understand it.

I thought it was kinda funny how a lot of folks in the audience felt too awkward to fully laugh where as anyone else in her similar boat wouldn’t have a problem too; I found her jokes super funny and loved how she powered through and gave such great examples 💖 Edit: That ending was such a shock though! I can’t believe she had to go through that 😖

I have autism, and for about the first 20 years of my life, acting like a normal person did not come intuitively for me. We fake normal behaviour until it is normal. But even though it's normal, social interactions, like saying hi to someone we cross on the start, they are incredibly taxing. The psychological aspect is really huge. We see someone coming, anticipate, prepare, watch for them to notice us, analyze their face for interest or lack there of, and if there's lack of interest we must refrain from starting and if there is interest we must master the correct thinking of a friendly nod, and then the timing of a timid friendly greeting, and the vocalization of the greeting can't be too faint or too loud. Spending time with people we don't intimately know is also exhausting, wether we like this person or not. We are so self aware of ourselves analyzing of our behavior is "normal", we need to refrain from staring or avoiding eye contact and we can't blabber on about a subject if the other person isn't engaged with it. I feel though that it must be said that people with autism(which in itself is a wide spectrum of similar conditions) come in many flavors and for a lot of them a lot of what I said would be contradictory, but I think that a lot of people will also relate to a great extent. Also, a man using a women's toilet could have a perfectly ok reason to do so. Maybe ascertaining as to his reason and seeing if he's not harassing anybody is acceptable, but beating someone up for merely entering its just absurd. I'll come out and say it: I really hate macho type men.

I recently started to realize that just as I'm afraid when someone is walking behind me, other people are afraid when I walk behind them. When I am walking and notice someone is in front of me, I either get on the grass to let them know I plan to pass them, or cross the street. It didn't occur to me that I should do that until I realized I look over my shoulder, and feel nervous when someone is behind me.

Its a matter of developing the hability to read body language... i always know when someone is afraid of me after i learned that. I even change lanes so girls feels safe when i'm walking pass a girl alone at night so she knows i mean no harm...

Great speech. This spoke to me. I was harrassed so much as a child for being different I ended up spending most of my teens and twenties desperately trying to avoid being noticed, because being noticed was where the trouble always started... I'd never speak up, or complain. I got so good at vanishing that people would sometimes walk right into me in public (still happens). I even developed an aversion to taking opportunties or any behavior that would call attention to myself... even when I needed something, like a raise, or some basic consideration, it was always easier to not stand up for myself. Now past age 50, I'm still fighting these fears.

ONE OF THE BEST VIDEOS I’VE EVER SEEN ON YT. To hear someone that doesn’t look like me, speak to the exhaustion of code switching gave me some hope. It made me feel seen. Thank you

Cis white male here, this made me cry

The 400+ who didn't like this talk are very likely the men she's talking about.

as a trans woman who has experienced both sides of this, i have a lot of thoughts on this. living as a man i was aware of the threat i posed to women walking or jogging by themselves. i would often change my route to ease their fears. it was frustrating and hurtful, constantly feeling scary and worrying about how I'm perceived. it honestly sucked, and i dont miss it, but it beats fearing for your life.

M’y baby did the Arabic subtitles 😍😍😍

*That's not how the joke goes*

Personally speaking I think it would be best if we didn't have to "code" switch at all.

Thank you. Yes there are many times that men do things that can look like they're being threatening. They stand in your space or block the doorway and wonder why the atmosphere has dropped from friendly to frosty.

Allow me to add another group to those who learn to code switch. Autistic individuals, regarless of gender, race, ect... we have to learn to code switch to survive society.

These commends in itself is already pretty telling.

OMG I just finished 'Leaving isnt the hardest thing' & I NEED MORE LAUREN. Didn't want the book to end. Best read I've had in a looong time.

Im from Panhandle Texas, 30 miles from Amarillo and we are also only known for two things. We had a student who went on a killing spree in the 1980s and we had a huge train crash happen right outside of our town in 2016

Very good perspective talk, thank you for this as a white imposing male.

This is SUCH a powerful TED talk. Thank you for the education. I can only imagine how utterly exhausting this must be.

Why am I opinion people that are blind and visually impaired have to colour swatch it’s what we do every day when were angry sad we change our motions we put on the smile you make people know that yes we have stuff going on but we’re not a tractor them that we can’t hurt them because one day I fear that there will be a blind person he will do the wrong attitude all the wrong behaviour and because of this he will get shot or she will get shot

even just being in the closet still makes u code switch bc u act differently w the people who know vs the people who dont

well now I feel horrible about myself

Wow this woman has some great points!♡♡♡

I don't usually watch videos that are recommended to me by the RU-vid algorithm but I'm really glad I watched this one. You are a wonderful speaker and I'm going to share this with friends. I'm also going to look for other videos where you have spoken. You have that combination of raw intelligence and compassion coupled with a great sense of humor.

She was profound! 👏💓 I love the message. 🐧

Intersectionality on full display

i thought the title was a twist on the *a guy walks into a bar* joke

This is too true. My family was on a trip to Cuba with my brother-inlaws' family a few years ago; one relative of theirs, in his 50s, on the trip went over and was speaking to some girls in their 20s, who were fairly attractive. They looked uncomfortable, and I told my Dad to call the guy over, as he was creeping them out. My Dad seemed to think that the girls would tell him to leave, or leave themselves; making me realize just how oblivious he was to what women deal with.

Thank you for this interesting and thought provoking talk Lauren. The aspects I relate to most is the experience within toilets (UK), the code switching I would be asking for is not from those who look like me but from those who don't. I am off to watch this again; food for thought. Thank you

Problem is “people who look like you” tend to believe that this is their world. I’m glad you’ve gained so much empathy. Be safe🌹

Wow this is sincerely one of the best ted talks i have ever seen!

Very dry sense of humour!

What's supposed to be the message here? Men shouldnt go outside anymore, because they are a constant threat to women? This is ridiculous. Not far from my house there is a small, dark, 1.5m wide alley ( I have to go through to get to the town's center, supermarket etc.) Am i not allowed to take that alleyway anymore? It happened multiple times that people (women and men) decided to run ahead if i was walking behind them or decided to wait for me to go all the way through before entering themselves. I'm a big guy (1.9m, 90kg) and i usually wear dark clothes. Am i obligated now to smile all the time, wear rainbow outfits and take a 20 minute detour only so that my paranoid fellow citizens can feel safe and secure 100% of the time? If you dont feel secure in public practise martial arts, buy a (self defense) weapon or stay at home, but don't try to tell other people what to do when they haven't done anything worng.

I thought it was the fist line of a joke I was waiting for a punchline.

What a thumbnail XD

this was so informative and helps my awareness. *thank you*. And, honestly, yes - I am petite, and anyone larger causes me to become much more aware - particularly if they appear to be male as I know I cannot overpower them... I will try to be more observant, and again - really appreciate your insights.

Get it together, control it , conceal don't feel. Great presentation.

Every time I walk into a room now I say “ I am not a threat” then I code switch to a werewolf works every time

She is so hot

Wow. That's the truth, even if you are not aware of it!!

Code switching is an art form, just ask any sucessful business person or politician

She looks like Darren Till

The solution to this any many other problems or mainly knowing the higher reality that this whole world is an your tribe which you love unconditionally without any demands, expectation and with full empathy. See any situation without your ego and full empathy and love, you will never lose.

everyone code switches, conservative, bible thumping white males do too - its not as apparent if they are the majority in your current social setting. . I am sorry for anyone's experience with hate, discrimination, or being afraid. Love your neighbor as your self - consider others feelings and POVs more often.

I hear what she is saying, people read you and others and get impressions. But its on them.. Don't blame others because you 'feel' something.. If you code switch to get along, great for you, but it is your choice. But its not required, to make others 'feel'. They own their feelings, you own yours.

Very well said! 💯

Great talk about code switching.

Thank you, Lauren. I’m so tired of always looking over my shoulder. I’m tired of knowing in my soul that I am prey.

*💪BREAK THE CHAlN💪* Stay home..stay Safe Like from kerala,INDIA ..കമന്റ് തൊഴിലാളി കീ...... 7210

Wow! Such an emotional speech. Thank you for this Lauren. Such an eloquent speaker ♥️♥️

Excellent, very informative commentary

I don't think straight white guys with a gun are so much a threat (at least in Ohio), but it's like being well trained in self defense, you carry yourself with confidence. That being said, I conceal, I don't carry it on my hip. More than likely you see more open carry in the west, as in Texas. As a white male, I feel like I have to defend myself (not with the gun,) to often because of the male bashing these days, and probably in similar ways she does. All that being said, I enjoyed her presentation. She makes very good and though provoking points. I want to be clear, I am not bashing anyone, just expressing some of my frustrations as a white man in today's society. The world is becoming more and more complicated to live in. Personally, I believe it's because we as people are trying to be "to diversified." In my 77 years I have found most people tend to want to be with like minded people. What do you think? -keith

thank you

😂 What. Code switch.. its adapting to the situation pretty simple cognitive strategy in all forms of life not just humans.

She needs Jesus and stop playing GI Joes.

This applies to all people

amazing talk, thank you

I just typed out a good half a page explaining what its all like from a white mans point of view with a few explanations to some of the things mentioned here about white men but I dont see the comment anywhere after I refreshed to check. If anyone has questions about white men feel free to ask with a reply ill answer as soon as I see it.

BS. She's displaying a lot of stereotypical attitude toward people. This is why she's "code switching".

Sucks you’re afraid of people but that’s not other people’s problem. It’s not straight white males problem it’s your problem

Dont people get sick listening to these professional victims And they keep coming back with new ways of expressing their victimhood

Powerful

I don't like some parts where it seems like overall message is "it's all straight white man's fault!", but apart from that, I think that it's really great speech. I'd like to notice, that a lot of people of colour are guilty of such behaviour, too and most of man (white, too) aren't dangerous. I always found it funny, how this lefties circles are all about not generalizing, but they're just doing the same, but towards people, from which they expect being generalized. If you want people to change and realize that their doing wrong, maybe first not make them feel attacted. Still, grate message. Peace ✌🏻

I do feel the sentiment and agree with what's been said. We all should try to ensure that our presence doesn't make the people around us feel unsafe but saying that all white men are doing it and putting the whole problem on our shoulders is wrong this is a universal thing, everyone should be aware of this not just "the white men"

Thank you!

Thank you! This was so well done. I can't wait for your book!

I mean what?

Dank u wel x Thank you xx

This is very interesting, as a Polish dude living in Canada, in a multicultural city, I never even thought about this idea of "code-switching" .. I don't care about what Canadians or other immigrants think of me... And I never "code-switched" ever because it is unnecessary. Imagine living in a society that so weak and timid that people are even afraid of offending each other. I can't imagine that people are so insecure that they practice changing their behaviour to feel safer, or to conform to someone else's insecurities. That would only make people even more weaker and more insecure. Just be yourself, no one should change their behaviour just to make up for other people's insecurities, that is ridiculous. You don't have to code-switch at all, don't avoid trouble, conquer it, grow a spine and toughen up, just be yourself and be proud of yourself. Don't live in a life of fear. Thank you for the Ted Talk though, it's a new perspective on how some people think in your diverse societies. I hear Canadian politics always pushes notion "diversity is a strength".. but after watching this it makes me wonder, 'diversity' could be a life of fear.

Great talk!

I think Lesbianism & Code switching is the last thing to worry about, in these trying times.. Wtf TED? 😑

Technology, Entertainment, Design. Why do TED talks keep forcing themselves into silly topics ?

I unsubscribed cuz this video

I agree, this is the most dangerous issue to America right now!

Cool content keep it up support please

Thank you Lauren!

There like ratio makes me really question the types of people watching these talks

so this is a woman now? ok then..

Useless talk.

I don't need someone telling me how to act. Just like you don't need me to tell you how to dress or to grow your hair long like a woman. Thanks.

The topic is all about how we treat each other no matter how different we are from each other and taking into account other people's comfort zones..As a Muslim myself I relate a lot of these guidelines already written by God for us, but we as humans try to see what works for us first before we realise the actual truth. But Believe me, if you end up in a social situation with a Good Muslim or Christian, you're probably gonna be treated comfortably the way you appear to them, which is one of the logical reasons why it's forbidden in Islam for a male to dress as a female and vice versa. Another reason why I'm saying this is that I don't think I've never heard of another Mammal species choosing similar gender as the attractive part, which is within our nature to be attracted to the opposite cause this is how we give birth and raise fine people that later would take part of a society that Hopefully would have good well mannered as the majority.

Excellent talk!

clowns

Can any one help me

All this stereo typing. Sad you have to identify life as running away from the world. Must be so tiring for you .Shame

That was amazing. Thank you.

Dude..... Seriously

Beautiful talk. Thank you.

well said!

Anders from workaholics. She was funny. Yes code switching is adapting to the dominant culture, wherever u r. as she says it is a matter of survival. If you lived on the island of Lesbos in a completely female dominated society, men would always code switch. If the women on the island were women of color, white men in particular would have adapt. But we live in America. We r all trying to figure it out.

Great talk

Maybe code switch to look like the beautiful girl you are so you're not afraid! Is the term code switch new? I feel like most of this information is called common sense! Don't we all as human beings code switch? I want to fit into this crowd, so I act like this or I want to fit into that group so I act like that. All this talk in our society about "be you". "Be who you are". Code switching is like the opposite of this. Common sense says... "Dude, knock and back away from the door!" Common sense says, "I look dangerous, I should probably stop following that girl while we're both running to the same place." In my kindest possible way I'm asking to define the difference... Is the term "Code Switching" just a definition for "Common Sense"?

Good talk

Technology, Entertainment, Design. What does this come under?