A Question to Ask Ourselves When We Are Low and Paranoid 

Every single passing day I realize that many around us are literally mentally ill and we are basically playing the floor is lava every day!

One of the most challenging emotions for me.

I‘ve been in terribly toxic longtime relationship and would swallow a lot of accusations to keep it going, for years. Recently said relationship ended and now I feel confronted with a wall of anger and other difficult emotions, like everything swallowed over the years comes back and wants to be dealt with, quite exhausting.

You know Yours and Alan Watts’ voices are one of my favourites!

thats why 12 step programmes focus on resentments and to see your part in them, resolves splitting and projecting and improves the capacity for mentalisation.

I struggle with this practically daily, I've come a long way going to therapy and self reflection, and being lucky enough to find some of the kindest of friends and an amazing LDR girlfriend by my side but for the past 2-3 years all these stuff combined helped me now to finally realize that I have this pattern at least a few times a week. I still have a hard time even recognizing the first two mentioned repercussions... I can see how this sudden urge to punch my leg or bite myself can be one of such repercussions, not always the first but one of them... the second repercussion, I just can't really think of any instance. And the extreme paranoia and irritability have been some of the things I often notice in myself, and other people often notice my extreme irritability. I often get into this mood either when I'm tired(sleep deprived) or I've gotten mad at multiple people throughout the day(or few days) yet wasn't self aware enough to even realise that I was mad at them untill it was too late... and the sleep deprivation just makes it easier for me to get into that state and even more so to not be self-aware of it. I'm proud of the self-awareness I've gained right now, but also feel incredibly guilty at times for the way I behave towards my little brother in such cases... He usually turns out to be that "last straw" or trigger for me to just be mean and irritable towards him even though the root cause is something fairly trivial from something totally unrelated. I swear I'm not on a self-pity rampage right now, I've been called that and rightfully so, I take full responsibility for my actions and I know they are not the reason that I'm behaving like this, at least not on purpose(in the case of my parents that is...) They loved me and still love me very much and they lived in a not so great place for modern psychology to be taught to them... honestly even right now most people struggle with many of these stuff even though internet literally provides them with everything they need. I certainly was like this a few years back, and therapy was one of the things that really reeled me back into my sense over a really long period of learning and healing and now even without going to therapy I can feel myself grow... although I would love to go back and continue

"How can I never go through the thing that made me angry again," maybe productive for letting go of anger and forgiving the present as well as the past. Or it might be the best alternative to part.

This couldn't have been more timely for me, thank you so much❤

these inquisitive inspiring videos are -much needed and definitely helpful.

Thank you

For as complex and often contorted as it is, these four minutes contain condensed essence of the "mechanism", brilliantly written and told; sadly, frequently it is not sufficient to be perfectly aware of the causes of your anger (while it is in fact essential), which can be really multiple and not resulting from a "person", or a single fact.. To win a battle with your own rage and frustration is a very big issue. But it is possible. And liberating. And healthy.. It appear to me that Anglo-saxon and alike cultural models, with all that mandatory emotional bias, make all of that even more twisted.. That is personal impression and nothing else .. I wish you, all of you, to win that battle, if you are dealing with one

I've been through all of this. As a kid, I grew up repressing a lot of my anger and I've shown at some point in my life all those behaviors. My therapist has told me about the anger since I began sessions with her, but it has taken me a while to acknowledge and let go of my anger. Little by little I will let it go and constructively use anger.

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."

I needed this, thank you

Thank you!

This. Thank you. Those "respond don't react" videos irk me - what does that even mean? A response _is_ a reaction, they're synonymous. Furthermore, keeping quiet in the face of repeated misdeeds and having them accumulate is what precipitates the outburst.

This was perfect. And offered answered to a multitude of unasked questions at the same time. Thank you!

Yup. My parents screwed me up this way. Thanks for that.

We're constantly gaslighted and treated like crap. We only hate ourselves because we're hated by others. There's a war going on, Narcissists vs Empaths.

I am glad that this video came my way. I watched it twice. Great video!!

My ex used to tell me that she didn't like that we never argued, that I was always positive and ready to face my mistakes head on instead of believing I was right when I was clearly wrong. So I started to look for things that actually annoyed me, but that were never enough to actually bother me. She did not like that. She wanted some banter, some fake anger, but she also wanted for it to be about real stuff. I had no idea what she meant, but something was clear, she didn't want to actually address my problems, so I bottled them up for way too much time. I never got angry at her, I rarely do even with people I despise, when I got too desperate to ignore all the issues that she never wanted to address (and I tried hundreds of times), that was the moment I left her.

This is great, but. These ideas originate from several psychoanalists, these authors deserve credit. I hope you listen.

Anger is frequently the target of injustice. People justify ignoring others over their affect if they're angry, regardless of how fair and objective the message. This causes resentment, isolation and mental illness. It's ultimately very unkind. We should learn to be more discerning in what we reject, because not all that should be rejected is said in an angry tone of voice... (far from it)

It’s true, I realized I’m angry at my parent for enabling my brother’s man child behavior, after several days of crying over how awful I am (it’s actually my brother)

It's hilarious that a journal and the shower are the universal safe places to release anger

The paranoia one really gets me. Damn.

Why is this in my feed? Odd. I finally let my mother in law have it today after months of suppressed anger over a really hurtful incident. Her daughter is next, my Sister in law. I had no idea how absolutely bloody furious I was. Subscribed.

i love this guy's voice and delivery

"Am I paranoid or are they really following me?" I asked myself, feeding into the paranoia... Good advice. Build a lean-to out of garbage and only breathe in minutes that end in an even number? That will keep you safe and secure.

This is something school should teach you. Love the video❤❤

Swallowed anger is socialized anger.

I read something here at the comment section.. somebody giving advice like "control your feelings" control your emotions" sheeesh tell that too me if money is not involve. I bet a lot of people would be angry if they lost their rent money

Love ur channel

Nicely done. 😊

Thank you for being here

as an autistic, I do not struggle to know with whom and when I am angry.

Great video. I would like to know where the ideas are taken from unless you have a warehouse of psychoanalysts working for your channel 24/7😂. Keep up the good work

Damn. I have been wrestling with trying to explain and express this for a while now but have not been able to. Thank you, as always, for being able to articulate what I cannot. But what now? I realize that as a child through the years until this very moment, I was not able or worse, allowed to feel anger. My parents and my half siblings were always fighting and shouting at one another so I did not want to add to it. So I did not learn how to healthily express anger without blowing up when it finally burst out, usually as you explained, at the wrong person. Getting scolded at work or fighting in a relationship resulted in the inability to be angry back or stand up for my self. So what now? And what if the person that I've always been angry at has been my self?

Don't bleed on people who didn't cut us

Thank you for this video. This has been definitely me for a really long time. 😅

Great video as usual, but he ads made me very angry.

How do you do this consistently without blaming and deflecting?

Imagen that hurtful actions can cause pain for weeks/months....

Great video as always, but seeing those pieces of paper missing the bin/trash was so frustrating !🤣

Expressing anger at inanimate objects is the only time I can do it and even that is rare. It's just automatically not okay to do it any other way, not sure how to fix it tho

Interesting. Very interesting.

Soooooo true

Is there a Spotify podcast for this page?

Extraordinary 😍🤩

I'm pretty good at expressing my anger. Sometimes too good

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Right at this very minute, I'm enraged at the massively idiotic and inept girl working the front desk at the hotel we just checked into. The refrigerator/freezer in our room does not appear to be cold, but it's plugged in and 'running'. I have ice packs that need to get refrozen overnight and medicine that needs to stay cold overnight. The control knob has been REMOVED so that guests cannot adjust the temp! She already gave me an attitude when I practically begged her over the phone to please come to the room so I can show her the problem -- her reply was "well, I don'tknow anything about refrigerators." Honey, I'm not asking you to turn into a refrigerator repairman, but you SHOULD at least have a basic knowledge of these simple hotel fridge/freezers! I'm sick and tired of these little 20-something lazy asses who expect to be paid for a job they have zero interest or CARE about. And of course it is after hours so no maintenance man on site. I used to be an innkeeper for B&Bs, I KNOW the right way to treat guests, especially when they alert me to a problem with their room. And I know that working at a hotel oftentimes means TROUBLESHOOTING, figuring out a solution. And I also think it's pretty odd to remove the control knobs for these fridges and leave the setting on a warm temp, KNOWING tge room is reserved for a check-in today! I feel a lot of anger and resentment towards this girl, on top of being very tired after a very long day of driving. Now I can't relax and wind down, all because this jerk chose the wrong way to handle this issue, and left me with no solution or closure to a problem caused BY THEM.

True

I got psychosis this way

Lol the pet...yeeeet

I'm still very angry at my husband we have been separated for a.long time. He hasn't grown or learned anything in all that time..he has done so wrong.to me and our children I just can't stand him!!

Who has never felt anger towards a printer never had a printer.

ohh

So fucking true

00:00 🧠 Understanding a difficult mood consisting of low spirits, guilt, paranoia, and irritability. 00:16 🤔 Feeling guilty and paranoid without concrete reasons. 00:25 😠 Experiencing non-specific irritability over small issues. 00:35 🔍 Asking ourselves if we are angry with someone. 00:52 🧩 Recognizing the difficulty in consciously feeling anger at the right time. 01:23 💭 Importance of childhood permission to express anger. 02:05 👶 Many parents struggle to allow their children to express anger. 02:14 🌱 Children learn to swallow anger, shaping adult personality. 02:29 🔄 Swallowed anger turns into self-hatred. 02:46 ⚖ Swallowed anger creates non-specific guilt. 02:56 🛡 Swallowed anger manifests as paranoia. 03:09 🧹 Swallowed anger discharges onto safe targets. 03:18 🛑 Recognizing anger in oneself to avoid unself-aware reactions. 03:33 📓 Safely exploring and discharging anger in healthy ways.

😢

there is a cure to this.... Its called forgiveness... god knows I'm working on it.

Oh geez. This great content is a lot too late unfortunately. Maybe in the next life 🤦 absolutely appreciate it now though 😊

I am ashamed I'm surrounded by unbelievers of Science and CONCRETE EVIDENCE 😔 😪 😢

i am humbly and thankfully attacked by this video

But what happens if the person which im angry is myself and all the stupid things I’ve done that I regret and with no chance to make them right ?

Fully surrender the pretender and remember your True character. Follow thy True North and never truly be lost~ Align with the Divine and never truly step out of line, in due time and there is no time. 🤍🕊️

I like how you mentioned that one can be justifiably angry with one's therapist. Therapists are at times portrayed as the ultimate paragons of truth and inner harmony, but we forget they too are human and just as susceptible to the occasional social misdemeanor.

“Censored outward expression” is a concise description of the entirety of my personality for as long as I can remember myself. Even with the self-awareness that I have today, sometimes I feel I am unable to break free from the invisible restraints of my upbringing. Thank you for helping us better understand the darker corners of our unconscious mind.

It's incredible that I got the notification of this video exactly when I was typing a text to someone who I realized made me really angry

This couldn't have come at a better time really. My dad died a couple of months ago, and I spent so many years of my life fantasising about telling him how angry I am with him, and list out all the harm he caused me and the rest of my family. Now in my 40's I thought I was 'mature' enough to bury all that anger and try to forget it, but now that he's dead that fantasy of raging at him has died too, and I am going to have to find a way of processing it. I'm going to his flat to clear stuff out this weekend as it happens, and 'low and paranoid' is exactly how I have felt this week running up to it. Lots of very complex feelings.

01:50 I wish I'd known this before I became a parent. I was taught as a child to respect and do as I was told, and shut it. I simply passed this on. Only now I realise my best intentions was probably the worst parenting. I am very angry with someone, permanently - myself!

I was taught that if I'm angry over something its always my fault. As if anyone is always allowed to do anything to me and I should just stfu about it. But if I do something wrong to anyone else everybody suddenly goes completely mental. Pretty weird to me tbh😅

Usually the someone I'm angry with is myself

Finally! Someone understands what i'm going through 🙌

Anger is always that one emotion that everybody shuns yet it is very powerful & is something that should not be contained for too long. I’m aware the goal of it is to find a healthy outlet. I also know, anger is the part of you that fights for your injustice.

What if I'm mostly angry at myself?🤔

And do you know what is behind anger? Fear. Fear to say the truth because then the boss will fire us, spouse leave us, dog bite us, and machine fall on us. It's much easier to say or be angry than admit we are afraid of the consequences to express our frustration or to find ourselves a solo flight in the world. Life is really a balancing act in the end.

I'm very frustrated. Over the past years, my general mild depression/somewhat severe anxiety has more frequently manifested in a rage I keep suppressing. The last two years have been really rough on me when I'm back home from school since I can be easily triggered by family members who emotionally harm me. This year I've been so proud of myself for feeling a lot better - but recently those negative family members visit more frequently, and I'm struggling again with my anger issues. I feel like I can't say anything, because they are emotionally immature (hell, I am too) and I feel like there's no way of going about it without a bigger fight or them straight up not listening. I need to start setting boundaries and communicating - but in the moments, I am so enraged I cannot speak, and I have chest pains and other physical symptoms that feel awful, so I feel the need to escape and hide away instead of expressing my needs. It's an awful feeling and I don't know how much longer in life I can tolerate it.

I don't agree entirely. We may be angry with someone, yes, but WHY? Because if this anger at someone else stems out of something petty, or entirely and arrogantly self-centered, then the problem is not the other person but rather ourselves. The world doesn't exist solely in our function (just as we don't exist solely in function of everything/everyone else). Not every motive is valid, and I find it really hard to agree otherwise. That's the only caveat I have here. I do agree that anger has to be "used" somehow instead of being kept inside and restrained. That energy could be employed in some way that isn't destructive or damaging.

Not the "unfortunate pet" getting thrown 🤣💀

I think there is a mildly strong correlation between my swallowed anger (grown up and living in a family that doesn’t allow anger, because triggers their traumas) and my autoimmune disease. Or this video makes me cry only because the animations are done very well and I am too sensitive, as I am so often told.

I don't think any of this is correct. Stifled anger doesn't necessarily turn back on oneself, it might just be healthy self control. Imaging sources for anger in other people when having spontaneous irrational freakouts seems really dangerous and misguided. Not all inexplicable feelings are rooted in trauma or need to be blamed on others.

This is one of so many reasons why it's important to observe and investigate emotions sometimes, rather than react to them. If that's something you're trying to work on I've found mindfulness and CBT are really good tools to use.

And then forgive

While in the throes of mending my own relationship with anger, how that's fueled my chronic depression, self-hatred and exhaustion from people pleasing, this video couldn't have come at a better time. I need to respect what my anger is telling me, love myself and express my anger constructively. Thank you for yet another brilliant video!!

Parents royally fooled this one up

Isn't journaling anger pretty similar to swallowing it? It is a feedback mechanism and needs to be delivered to the right place in a causal chain. At max, journaling will help you with reflection while potentially making you more vulnerable if there is a chance someone reads your journal.

I'd be interested to hear how to deal with anger in a healthy, mature way instead

Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. Suffering leads to comedy.

I felt this. When I get angry or upset at something, it suddenly becomes "I hate myself. I'm the worst. Or I'm not allowed to feel this." I can't exactly pinpoint why and how, but I guess some things had been internalized, tho it's not the read translation of the truth.

Its so mind blowing how I needed this video on this very day- beautiful I love the sharing culture we live in❤

I would send this to my father if he wasn’t such a narcissist. This video helped me though. I’m 33 and only now am I able to express anger in a healthy way instead of internalising it and hating myself. I was always afraid of physical and emotional abuse from my father to express any emotion whatsoever. Now that he’s out of my life I get to be my authentic self and it’s so freeing.

Not many want to deal with someone else's anger. That includes irritations, these are also forms of anger. It accumulates unhappiness and stress over time. If you're angry, try to transform it into something positive. Some go through life being angry most of the time, about this person, that group, society, etc. They fight fire with more fire. In the end it is a reflection of ourselves, if we're angry it comes back to bite us, as stress accumulates and leads to poor health. At some point we understand the only way to deal with it is by changing ourselves.

Yes, owning and expressing our emotions is extremely important to our emotional health. The book "For Your Own Good" by Alice Miller explores the cultural underpinnings and ramifications of child care practices which suppress the emotional facet of our being. The book "The Dance of Anger" by Harriet Lerner was personally transformative; once i translated it to {what is the emotion that is taboo for men on a cultural basis); i discovered that i was suppressing sadness and grief.

Hhmmm unknown anger. I feel it's true for most. One way to avoid it is to be more self aware and quick in our reactions. Perhaps slow breathing yoga could help most

What the fuck do we do when we know why and who we are angry but there's no point in expressing to the person because will not make any difference and you don't have where else to go so you still need to act civil has you don't wanna burn everything around you?

What if exactly what you described but instead of someone else you're angry at yourself, What can some one do to mitigate that.

But if I’m angry at work and I tell them I get fired I have no idea how to navigate life and I’m struggling

Did Alain de botton lived in Venezuela??