A Warrior's Awakening 

When I was 17-18, I started self inquiring without knowing I was doing it. “What is this? “ was the question that spontaneously appeared in my mind. Nothing around me felt authentic, I felt like me and everybody else were actors in a play. Every time I thought about it, I felt a shiver in the back of my head, and I didn’t know what it was. That was 1991,92. I had nobody to talk to. Until one day when I had something happening in my visual field, some detachment, I had no idea what happened at that time. Now I see it was probably some glimpse of awakening. My life went downhill from that. That was when I had to go to college, but nothing seemed important to me. I had less and less interest in anything. The inquiry and the glimpse almost vanished from my memory, so I knew something was missing in my life, but I didn’t know where to look. I spend the next 30 years with depression, trying to fit in society, with a deep desire to find a way out. Of course I had suicidal thoughts. Until the moment when, in the middle of 2021, I watched a video of Angelo talking about awakening. A flame immediately ignited inside of my chest. Nothing had made me feel like that before, it was like something finally made sense. I had always been an atheist, so I never thought anything like that could possibly be true. I started reading Angelo’s book and also “The Power of Now”, but before I finished it, six months after knowing about awakening, I had the first (or second) shift. Everything has changed, and has been changing since then. Sorry for the long post, I don’t even know if anyone will read it, but I felt compelled to share.

“I did my best…” My biggest trigger has been my mum’s statement about her parenting (I wanted her unequivocal responsibility for the shit I carry today). Now, thanks to this interview, I see, I feel, her innocence, and mine too. She actually did her best. Me too.

I heard something new in this one. The sword of clear seeing. Thank you so much!

I am 27. I have been stuck for two years doing whats "organic". There's lot of social pressure to do something (asian family) and make a name. But it feels more like compulsion rather than conviction. I feel caving in to society will be adding another story line. When all they have done is reinforce the ego. It's lonely man. But its frustrating. I am not sure what is right and what is wrong. Synchronicity provides relief at times. But it's hard man.

Wow, this is good. Thank you.

Great conversation. Thanks guys.

This was so touching and helpful. My narrative is very similar to Tony’s…Southern Baptist upbringing, lots of violence and trauma, a life of debilitating depression and desire to just not be here, a power unexpected glimpse and now 4 years of desperate seeking. This has given me so much hope and renewed my trust. Thank you Tony and Angelo for this beautiful talk! 🙏

Wow. Tony’s way of describing his struggle and liberation is so personal, relatable and powerful. He’s going to help so many people

Wow, this helped me so much: confirming my experiences. Can see how it all served my realization. It’s so innocent in the end. Had a dream in my 40s (I’m 69) amidst the worst memories of my life coming to light. A woman levitating on a lotus flower, all white and glowing and still. A peace I’d never known. She said”I’m sorry to wake you.” Variations of her appeared , helping me for a few years till I tried to run the ‘show’ again. So much deep shadow work. Now a shift that seems minor but I can see is big. From being pulled by things or people or thoughts, I’m now being pulled by presence; like it’s always just here. Thank you all! What a ride!

28:16. “The narrative that you think you are can never ever victimise itself enough for what you really are to give a shit.” The worrier is the warrior.

Grateful for the insight you two have been graced with and share with us 😊

Just ordered your book Angelo 🙏❤️ loved this video with Tony

I want to know more about this clear seeing. It seems like its exactly what i need. Ive been changing jobs and careers constantly for the last 20 years. Never satisfied. Always stressing, believing i need to be somebody to be respected, to not be destitute. I only get temporary relief from this struggle. It helps to hear when you say that everything is fundamentally ok. But id like to see it for myself.

Just the best! As someone who has been turning toward depression again and again for 6 years, it was so reassuring and inspiring to hear Tony speak to the emptiness and lack of intrinsic power depression has in this moment, and how depression can be such a wonderful, accelerated path to clear seeing! We are doing this alone together, waking up together 🙏

What a Gem this talk. Thank you very much to both of you

So encouraging to hear your experience. I’m really feeling more clear as I learn. I have suffered in this life too. I’ve done healing work since 17 years old and I’m finally awakening at 68 years old. It feels so right even though it was tough and still hard days. Thanks you!

he's a great teacher

So much transmission from direct raw experience without the flavors of secs of religion. So RAW. So helpful to those on the brink of full liberation. Especially those who have had big shifts working through the last "stages" of waking up. I want to thank both of you for your time and compassion towards these matters. Merry Christmas my brothers of ONE. I love you both from the only place that love IS.

OMG😂😂😂 " You see someone, something, you don't like, you don't have to like em... be kind, and get the F away!!!" You have NO CLUE HOW HARD I'VE TRIED TO LOVE EVERYONE 😅😅😅 Bust that! Love the kingdom Within ❤ I am so grateful to have stumbled, found this exact conversation. Thank you BOTH❤❤❤

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 thank you Tony and thank you Angelo. Wow! What a conversation. Tony, thank you for being so open with your story and for sharing your moments of suffering and pain. Which I can only imagine and can try to relate to my own suffering and pain. Oddly related, my sister and I came across a dead body when we were 7 and 8 years old (I think, it was in the late 70’s or early 80’s) My mother suffered from severe depression so we had a very dysfunctional childhood. Our discovery of the body was similar to yours. No big reaction, just seeing the body floating in a reservoir and deciding we needed to tell the police. We were on our way downtown already to buy some candy and soda with our allowance and cut through the cemetery and found some workers there on a break and told them what we discovered. They didn’t believe us at first so we had to show them and then they called the police. After the police arrived they asked us a few questions and we were sent on our way. We walked downtown and got our treats and went home and told my mum, who was on the phone at the time. And there wasn’t really any impact from that. I’ve been committed to seeking over the last two years. Prior to that it was two years of curiosity. Looking back over my life I recall wondering why we were here and how we got here from about age ten but could not get any answers from any religious (Christian based) people that I knew and respected. Watching and listening to this conversation has made me realise that I do have shadow work to do and I’ve been doing anything I can to avoid it. It’s time to get it done now because what’s the point in avoiding it? Logically I can see there is only awareness and that my identification with “Karen” is a mental construct of beliefs/conceptions. ❤ anyways thank you both so much. It’s finally time to release the repressed pain/sadness/anguish/guilt/shame et al. Thank you Angelo for your wisdom on acknowledging and welcoming emotions as they come up. I’ve been putting that into practice and it’s funny how when I become aware of feeling or emotion or state of being and I address it and welcome it and give it “permission” to be present that it seems to dissipate very quickly. ❤❤

Seth btw the book that he mentioned is the best book I have ever! read.

Thanks!

“Nothing concrete ever happened” that right there:)

53:54 purpose of distraction is to “remind me who I am” - hits the nail on the head !!! ❤ it!! Your wording is SO helpful!

30 mins in, this conversation is awesome. I really like Paul. Can totally relate to the disassociation. That transition into feeling was very difficult for me. I had to actually go so far as completely reorient my life and change jobs away from thinking based work into a job which was manual labor. That helped A LOT. And working with a mentor, similar to what Paul said, who basically helped reorient my entire psyche in a fundamental way. Eternally grateful for that. Wild ride this whole thing.

What a profound and beautiful exploration! Both of you are able to describe very common areas of confusion in such a nuanced way. Particularly how extreme early trauma, Hypervigilance and derealization can block or derail deepening of an initial awakening. This story is similar to a friend David Thomas who used to be a spiritual teacher. Not sure where he went but it would be a similar fascinating interview…. Thank you both! What a gift❤️‍🩹💝

I know you don’t earn any of these insights, but Tony totally earned his! But also look what he got. Some people seem to wake up much more easily, but I don’t think they have the compassion and real understanding that Tony has here. He really does see clearly how his mind worked and can see the same in others. Great stuff xx

Thank you, Tony and Angelo! Much appreciated!

So helpful, thanks Tony and Angelo

Wow! So great to see Tony on here. This man was pivotal in recognizing a shift on my fb posts and was a great resource and guide for me when needed, directing me to resources during my initial shift in 2021. It is so helpful to be able to have someone make themselves available, especially when initially trying to make sense of whats happening. So thankful to this soul more than I can express. 🙏 With love and gratitude, Rosina Marie

From the depth of my heart I am filled with gratitude for your willingness to share your experience so openly and authentically. Thank you Angelo for this wonderful interview. These "examples" of awakening are so helpful.

I feel so very privileged to hear this. So very beautiful. Thank you. ❤

Gratitude ! This is so powerful.

Thank you Angelo and Tony for this conversation. Super interesting and insightful!

Whoa! This is incredibly helpful, and very clear. I can definitely relate to the pocket consciousness, and it’s freaking exhausting. I appreciate you sharing, Tony!

Mic Drop! Thank you Angelo and Tony!

So so good 👌so much in this talk ! blew my mind !! Thank you❤️

Wow…..what an awesome conversation…..so many pointers as to where I can dig deeper…..Angelo and Tony thank you so much 🙏🏻✨❤🌟🤩

His descriptions in the intro really grabbed me. Really reminds me of my spontaneous glimpses in my early twenties. Loved this interaction

a fist opening up...that's how it feels, thanks a lot for this

So insightful, cheers

This conversation was awesome.

[07:58] Yes, the elevator situation was exactly a barrier kind of koan! Regular function of every-day mind disrupted (hit, striked) by unusual event so its basic identification was destabilized for a short moment, and this great doubt was enough to reboot the whole thing. Nice!

Wow, this was so powerfully inspiring. Thank you both❤ 🗡️See you at the online retreat in a couple of days.

Would be interesting to see some content discussing some of the aspects of parenting during or after awakening. Further, how awakening may inform parenting strategies (or remove the need for rigid strategies).

Thanks for sharing!

Holy moly. Thank you both for this. Have been asking “what the hell is this?” from a young age and lately been a bit lost in emptiness somehow and getting the sense that I’ve been disassociating more - it’s confusing - which is a story too - but this helped me see how to approach the ways that I’ve been avoiding my avoidance. Thank you. ❤️

I know you say you got to want this more than anything. Truly I really do. My whole day is taken up with nothing other than self enquiry, watching your videos and reading everything available. The thing is I just don’t feel like I’m any closer than when I started. I feel dumb that I’m just not getting it. I only seem to get it intellectually. But I won’t give up. Please if I was starting from scratch and I was totally new to this where should I start with your videos. At the moment I’m bouncing around with new and old videos but want to start a fresh and build from the beginning. I’ve commented on another video of yours that I’ve ditched every other teacher and channel to concentrate on you and your channel. Sorry for babbling I just really want this.🙏

Hi Angelo, The context of this interview motivates me to share a little childhood experience. I must have been around 14-15 years old when I was in bed thinking and wondering about 'life questions'. At one point, I was pounding really hard on a certain question which arose: ~ If I am experiencing a personal ‘I’ feeling, and everyone else is experiencing essentially the same ‘I’ feeling as well, then why am I my specific ‘I’ and not the other person's ‘I’? ~ At one point my brain just ‘glitched’ for a sec and for a brief moment I could just ‘feel’ the answer to the question, or something. However, after that split second, I have never been able to reproduce the exact question or that feeling again, but the feeling tone of that moment remains with me until today. Upon reading your book (and especially the paragraph about childhood experiences like these) I wondered if that whole experience falls in the same field as what you are pointing to. Maybe I found myself some sort of ‘koan’ ;-) Well, thought it would be nice to share. And would love to dive again (and deeper) into this. Any feedback is more than welcome!

Absolutely amazing.

I have adapted so many beliefs about how my life should be and how I should be along with a lot of other beliefs, ways of thinking, it's really hard to deprogram this

So good.

This was beautiful ❤🙏

Very many thanks guys! That was great.

what a beautiful interview the difference between seeking and clear seeing was super helpful I never realized that all my seeking is just a thought and that all that thoughts are just made of same the stuff, and that they bundle together. Angelo actually mentions that a lot in his videos, that thoughts are just made of the same stuff, that it's all just consciousness, but it never clicked for me until now what that actually meant. It's like a web. A web of thoughts where everything is tangled up with everything else. And it's really nasty, but to think you can just flush it all down in one fell swoop is wild.

Super relatable interview - big thanks to both of you! 👻💥

This stirred my shit big time. YIKES! And thank you both!!!!

Around 1:29:38 that's what I experienced too. Going more deeply into the present and feeling all the energy and some physical pain and not having any foothold, the thought came up: "This is potentially overwhelming". And this seemed like a good enough reason not to go all the way. Until it hit me: "well it's just a thought. And there is no evidence for it being true."

This was an amazing talk Tony and Angelo! The after effects of the time together at Art of Living Retreat continue to give and give. Loved hearing how Tony has settled into it all. So many similar insights have dropped in and the clear seeing IS the key. It becomes quite obvious! Love the revelation of seeing Tony only as a projected Princess Leila type imaginary figure. Yes that’s soooo it!! Slow it down and there it is! Brilliant transmission 🔥✨🔥

I’ve always been confused with the “nothing has ever happened” and figured I’d see that at some point to understand

Beautiful 😍

Brilliant!

[46:28] Crucial point in many stories. I remember being sick as a kid, exhausted after a high feaver, and there were moments when subjectively my mind was "slower" so I could catch events of incoming and outgoing thoughts. The processing must have been actually faster but the feeling of distrupted time for me was like the opposite. Concentration is probably a major factor here, especially calmness and monitoring skill which are the effects of it. I mean concentration as a kind of developed skill, a habit, something we do not train anymore volitionally it the very moment but a kind of muscle that activates when needed (is activated as a response to This).

He mentioned the Mind Illuminated by John Yates, Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha by Daniel Ingram, and Right Concentration: a Practical Guide to the Jhanas. Which one is more suited for non dual awakening? He seemed to really like the Jhanas one.

[52:58] I'm starting to notice that the "just bear with your mind" approach (a.k.a "let it be bored with thoughts and dreams, don't force them to be gone") can be quite valuable. Even for people with tensions (broadly seen) all over the body-mind what will happen is they become so clear and almost screaming to deal with them. And if someone has the determination to go for it (especially receiving some "dharma candy" in a form of turbo experience [I still cannot quite figure out "why" component of it, a beginners luck?]), it will "clean the pipe" so the life can go throuh it without major resistance. Then, at least for me, starting another "cycle", and using the very same basic methods as before, can be so much different.

Tony, do you do any coaching? I absolutely resonate with your story. Thank you for sharing!

[55:24] Yeah, the landscape of body-mind. Deeply feeling like that actually develops this "love towards [fluid] substance" which is a kind of bridge between sensual, material stuff and no-name stuff. Merging possible without too much drama or "too early" replacement. Actually, shikantaza has it / causes this too, especially taught by Chan masters who often remind to relax and take in, not oppose bodily sensations.

Great interview. I relate to his story a lot. Is he going to mentor anyone?

Very cool ❤

Tony mentioned working with someone named Josh, or Eshwar. Is there a way to get into contact with them? Thank you!

[01:21:20] Absolute bodhicitta! :)

1:23:00 🔥

This talk makes alot of sense! But im still not enlightened :(

Using the "like" word 10 times a minute is very annoying. This is 99% of people you interview. Have you ever noticed?

Amazing 🤩