Adeptus Custodes: The Golden Boys | Warhammer 40k Lore 

fun fact: in early editions of wh40k, the custodes had abandoned their armor and weapons in their mourning of the emperor. this is where the stripper custodes imagery comes from!

“The become KGB spies” *sees 12ft tall demigod working in a hive city* “Oh that’s Rick, he’s new here, pay him no mind”

custodes in the lore: ultra-stoic demi god warriors Custodes to the fandom: ultra-𝓯𝓪𝓫𝓾𝓵𝓸𝓾𝓼 demi god strippers

Twist, one of these guard custodes finds a Krieg to protect for the annoyance of the kriegsman who would constantly try to die in battle but would be unable to.

My Dark Heresy character is a Krieg guardsman defended by the Aquilan shields. He is very sad.

Guilliman is my favorite facet about the Ultramarines. In the “Armor of Fate” short story he was in a meeting room, going over reports and shit, and he drops a thin plastic folder. However, the suit Cawl made for him was pretty encumbering, and his hands being covered in so much armor plating and other mechanics he couldn’t make a fist or even bend over to pick it up and he yells loudly about it, essentially saying ”I’ve been alive for thousands of years, handcrafted by the master of mankind, but I can’t pick up a plastic flimsy. My greatest enemy.” I was laughing my ass off, but also Cato Sicarius, the captain of the second company, was there and he was pissing himself in fear over his primarch yelling and asks him in the most timidly way possible if he was joking. Guilliman sighed and said yes he was joking, and it all ties into the story about the Imperium of Man size amount of pressure on his shoulders. Just having that bit of humility and telling the most minor of a joke can make your followers so fucking scared, is amazing.

Imo, the Custodes get done the dirtiest when it comes to power scaling, in one book they are done right, basically the best, and in another they can be bodied.

I like the Aquillan Shield because it's a blanket justification for any random Imperial army to have a squad of Custodians in it. Why does your random Imperial Guard detachment have five giant dudes in gold armor, that normally only guard the Emperor? Because they're guarding the commander, for nebulous reasons. It's perfect.

7:31 “MY MOM WAS A TUBE!” “What?” “A TUBE IN MOUNT EVEREST!” “What?” “F-CK” “What?” “MOM EVEREST!”

My favorite bit of Custodes lore is this paragraph from Valerian "We were never soldiers. Whenever we are seen outside the walls of this place, as rare as that is, it is in our martial aspect. We are clad in gold, just as it was in the earliest days when He was our living captain, and mortals fall on their faces as if before gods. To them, it must seem as if we are wrath incarnate. To them, it must seem as if we were created for destruction and nothing else. But we were His companions, once. We were the ones in whom He confided. We were His counsellors, we were His artisans. We were the first glimpse of what the species could become, if shepherded aright and unshackled from its vicious weaknesses. Of course, we were taught to fight. He knew that war would come. It was a necessary part of the ascension, though it was never destined to last for eternity. We were the guardians of a new age, and had to be strong enough to keep it secure. We failed in that, and now wear the mark of that failure in the black robes that cover our auramite. It is a permanent reminder, replacing the cloaks of blood-red that once adorned our battle-plate. It weighs heavy with every one of us, for we know more of the nature of the fall than most. We still recite the old stories, and we study in the lost archives where we alone are suffered to tread, and so do not have the comforting illusions of ignorance to salve the wound. In a galaxy defined by ignorance, we remember. We cultivate the shards of the thing that was broken, and remain aware of what would have been. I think sometimes that this knowledge is the most severe of our many burdens. Any brutal soul may fight if he has the goal ahead of him. We fight knowing that our truest purpose lies behind us, and all that remains is faithfulness to an extinguished vision. But still we preserve. We tend the things of value that have survived. We seek to embody His will in all things. We cleave to His light as the darkness gathers. We interpret, we study, we delve into the philosophy of the ages. We have many duties. But that is just as it should be, for we are not simple creations. The aeons have changed us in so many ways, but not in that. We were a thousand things to a thousand souls, but we were never soldiers." It's sad that them being perfect warriors was only meant to be temporary, they're suppose to be the stalwarth representations of humanity, more than all the Primarchs would be, but in the end they're just gonna live in a world that is WAYY far from the one they're meant to inhabit.

custode: what is this? guardsmen: thats a bed custode: whats a bed? guardsmen: its where u sleep custode: what is sleep? guardsmen:are u really human?

The reason why the Custodes in TTS are Pillar Men is slightly more nuanced. Back in the wilder older editions of 40K around the 80s/90s, the Custodes apparently went around the Imperial Palace wearing pretty much only a thong, for reasons. There are images of this floating about online.

It's not just the Custodians. Many different Space Marine chapters are kinda inhuman. The more perfect a chapter is the more distant from Humanity they become. The opposite is also true. More outwardly monstrous or weird looking a chapter is the closer they are to their inner humanity. Salamanders, Black Dragons, Space Wolfs, Soul Drinkers, Legion of the Damned and so on. They are also the SM chapters most likely to be on the Inquisition's shit list and receive the short end of the stick, when they are not declared traitors outright and hunted like dogs. The irony that the Imperium often declares their most loyal, brave and valorous people traitors and ether kill them or drive them into exile....

man oh man what a pre retcon lore

Bricky on his channel: sh!ts on jojo Bricky on this channel: i'll f*cking do it again.

Fun thing is that costantin valdor had around 1928 names before the heresy,and they had to be written also outside his armour for how many they were

Bruh I literally wait for these every week and they can't possibly come out fast enough for me to get enough, i love you guys so much

This hits different now....

I know you hate us bringing up Blood Angels all the time, but they also practice artistry in their spare time, which is why their armor is more ornate than other space marines.

"Custodians dedicated to terrorism" yeah that's my favorite shield host for ya!

Adeptus Custodes are basically kit bashed humans, but the kitbashing was done by a powergamer.

I just can't wait for Bricky to have to awkwardly explain alpha legion eventually.

At least to my knowledge there has been one death of old age in 40k in the books, and that death Sparked an almost two decade long siege of an imperial world by the death korps

A character dying of old age is actually what started the seige of vraks, the dude was a couple of centuries old, but still.

"No one in warhammer dies of old age" Doesn't Ciaphas Cain die of old age, eventually. Survived 100 ridiculous battles and retired to teach where he died of old age and was buried and given a monument but is still on active duty because he came back from KIA so many times the administratum locked his wages as active duty to save the hassle.

I love the Golden Boys. And the hype is real now, since Syama Pedersen, the Creator of Astartes is now working on a CUSTODES Animation!

A single custode with only a misericordia, Guardian Spear and 1 remaining wound 1v1ed Nemesor Zahndrehk and killed him in a round. I had to take a shower after that game.

I once fought someone using costodies. i was using tyranids and all he brought was a couple models and i just planketed my side of the field with nids. i lost that match and i didn't even kill one of them. i was very salty.

“Know this last truth. The Emperor is not a god, he is a man, but not a forgiving man- nor am I” -Custodian shield captain (From the book Gate Of Bones)

And to quote Oculus, “each Custodian is a genetic treasure beyond worth” since the creation process is so convoluted and arcane. (edited for spelling)

I wanna see a story, or at least brief blurb about a Guardsmen that actually hates his Custodian savior because all of his comrades and other guardsmen around him died but he survived thanks to the Custodes. So he takes the chance to lash out angrily about how: "You have all that power but you saved me, what about them? What makes me special?" Then after he's done he just asks the Custodian if he overcame the loss of his brothers in arms if they've even lost any, and the Custodian tells him: "I never did."

THE GOLD STRIPPER PODCAST IS HERE

Can we all agree that the Custodians and the Sisters of Silence are the closest thing to Pillar Men and Women in 40K?

"Guilliman's like 5e D&D" That is the BEST desctiption of Rowboat Gillman I've ever heard.

"Nobody dies from old age or a heart attack" This is so true, I was shocked an imperial guard colonel/general in the book Helsreach died of a heart attack before an orc invasion. Was surreal.

"Is there someone who ever died of old age?" I think Ciaphas Cain is noted as having died of just that, despite still being listed as active duty (because the administratum got tired of undoing his death paperwork every time he survived something impossible)

THEY MENTIONED IT!!! I thought that they would mention the TTS.

"Constantine Valdor is one of the actual heroes" *Eisenhorn intensifies*

I cannot imagine the Custodes "appearing in a ball of golden light" without being accompanied by *Awaken My Quivering Abs.*

I always imagined the custodes as like... custodeans (or groundskeepers), i imagine them dressed up in the stereotypical blue janitor jumpsuit just barely fitting over their armor and they're just mopping the emperor's throne room with little headphones barely fitting on their heads

Random civvie on a tour of the Golden Palace "What's the story about that long hall we just passed threw lined with tall epic golden statues?" Tour Guide "Statues? OH!... they aren't statues" Civvie O.O! "oh... which way to the nearest washroom?"

Can't wait until they get a cameo in ETTS.

PLEASE DON'T STOP UPLOADING THIS IS THE BEST THING SINCE RECAFF.

47:06 "If you had to choose the good guys of 40k, I would go with the custodians." *Sweats in Battle of Mount Arrarat*

"la de da de daa, look at you stupid Xenos" is my favourite quote now

Now I really want fan art of Coustodes having a slam poetry session

*AYAYA intensifies*

Could you imagine if a Custodes came to protect a Death Korps of krieg. Custodes: I must protect you. Death korps of krieg: Why won't you let me die.

25:25 they voluntarily retire, and become the eyes of the Emperor, but the fighting strength never wanes from 10,000. Technically this means that there are more than 10,000 demi-gods roaming about the Imperium, which can be called back for service in an emergency.... because slightly diminished combat capability still translates to "WILL UTTERLY WRECK YOU, YOUR COMPANY AND YOUR HIVE WORLD".

Just imagine if you're a Rogue Trader, and some guy bigger than a Space Marine and wearing a black cloak shows up. And then you and your crew gets kidnapped by a Chaos Cult, and you tell him about it and he's just like "A Chaos Cult, huh?" and then he shows up and solo kills the entire cult.

The faction of choice of famed actor, Greek God, *EPIC* Gamer, and all around swell fellow... *_𝑯 𝑬 𝑵 𝑹 𝒀 𝑪 𝑨 𝑽 𝑰 𝑳_*

For Space Marines they use Teenagers and up, sometimes even full grown adults. For Custodians, they use kids, and modifications much more significant than gene seeds, custodians are build with the same bio matter used for Primarchs, hence why they are significantly more powerful and harder to produce.

“How can I be the best man if the Emperor is the best man?” “No…you’re my best man.” *Custodes thumbs up*

Adeptus Custudes are my favorite faction! I definitely recommend you guys read/ listen audible Watchers of the throne series. You dive into the perspective of a Shield Captain Custodes, a sister of Silence, and a high lord. It dives into the politics of the High Lord, how Terra reacted to the fall of Cadia and the Astronomican failing, how Custodes and Sisters of silence react to this new threat. Sister of Silence were always shunned by the Imperium so they were never given any help or supplies. They were forced to become independent and rely on finding new recruits and supplies. 4000 Custodes took part in the defense of the Lions gate against 60 cohorts of Bloodthirsters and greater demons. 2000 Custodes lost their lives. Some could have been saved, but they didn’t have enough Dreadnaught suits to entomb their fallen comrades They find recruits like the Space Marines , but they select only the purest Terran. Majority of their recruitment comes from the Holy Terra’s elite families. Lords and Ladies of Terra were willing to sacrifice their entire children and bloodline to receive the honor that their offspring shall become a Custodian. While Space Marine transformation is all “science” related, to become a Custodian involves Alchemy. The neophyte receives the blood of the Emperor and their Soul literally transforms like their physical body. This is the reason why creating one takes forever. Not many humans could endure their very souls transform into the shape the Emperor wants.

imagine a Warhammer game with the structure of star wars battlefront 2

Tell him about if the emperor had a text to speech device. The perfect amount of accurate lore and their own bullshit

Fun fact: Custodes aren’t explicitly warriors. That’s just another hobby of their’s. If an Astartes is a gun, every Custodes is a Mona Lisa. Not to mention in Watchers of the Throne (or the sequel, I forget the exact name) Custodes like dad jokes!

My favorite custodes is one called kitten. And a single custodes is basically one step away from being a primarch, and what they can survive is quite something. One of them got impaled in the head with a power spear and to their surprise the custodes was still alive and staring back with full hatred.

Bricky, please do make that Custodian, Guardsman buddy buddy fanfiction, that would be a hoot to read

I thought the blood games involved more of letting chaos prisoners loose in the imperial palace to hunt down in order to keep they're skills sharp

The golden pilar men of the Imperium, AWAKE!

Me: “Hey, that was a pretty good episode; and they’re doing Tyranids ne-“ Bricky: “Get fucked tyranid players” Me: *sad bioform noises*

'Captain General' AH YES, KITTEN!

I'm gonna actually you on the gunblade thing. Sam didn't have a gunblade his sheath just had a gun trigger to eject his sword

As a long time fan of 40k who’s brushing up on the latest lore after a few year long hiatus, i gotta say I immensely enjoy this podcast. Most of the info I already know, but it’s conveyed in such a funny, witty, natural and entertaining way that I have binged all of the episodes you made so far in just 3 days. Keep up the amazing work!!

“Sometimes they’ll choose to protect single random civilians for the safety of the imperium” *random citizen*: “hey mum, I’m hoome” *mother*: “oh Thomas! Did you get those tomatoes I asked for? *Random civilian*: “yeah, and erm... I brought friends... *Adeptus Custodes*: “[GREETINGS CIVILIAN WOMAN. I BROUGHT GRAPES.]”

I like to imagine that a custodes is guarding the exterior of the golden palace, and an imperial citizen walks up the many flights of stairs and starts doing cringe ass dances, and this custodian, is having none of it. In the blink of an eye the custodian stabs the citizen through the chest and kicks them back down the several flights of stairs, through the guard posts, shattering all of the citizen's bones killing them by the time they reach the bottom. The other custodes brother nearby asks "what was the reasoning behind your actions, brother?" and then the custodes replies "they were being cringe, brother." "Fair enough" the custodes brother says. And then they both go back to being to unmoving and emotionless for the next few centuries

tts definitely helped, but this episode is what full-on cemented my journey into acquiring the golden banana boys as my first 40k army lol.

"Part 3 sucks" Fist of the North Star is great, wtfdym.

Thank you to Pat for shouting out this podcast as it has become one of favorite podcasts to listen to. Also thank you for letting me know of If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device as i have never seen it and so far it has been absolutely hilarious.

I think the only person to ever die of old age is good ol' Ciaphus Cain, HERO OF THE IMPERIUM.

So the Aquilian Shield have Oracles basically, they give them prophecies and the shield protects people in the prophecies. My favourite part is that not only do they show up unannounced, but they also leave unannounced. Once the prophecy is fulfilled they leave you, if you're safe or not. 🤣

Last edition I made a DIY unkillable bike captain, and it actually had really similar stats. It was an iron hands captain, put on a bike, with artificer armor, a storm shield, and the burning blade, and the specific iron hands thing that buffed their passive 6+ essentially feel no pain to a 5+. The only time that captain died was in an explosion from a super heavy guard tank

I am so here for Guardsmen and Custodian sitcom

Kittennnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, ...I mean Captain General, uh Sir, would you like some milk?

*Custodes Bodyguard* May I have some of your mcnuggies guardsmen.

As TTS emps says 'my massive army of golden people.'

Run a game where you have five custodes fully dedicated to protecting a single guardsmen

Thank you guys for posting your content on youtube. It has made my long work commutes far more tolerable, and has furthered both my knowledge and enjoyment of the 40k lore!

A space marine begins implementation prepuberty around 7. All the nobles of terra must provide their first born sons to the Emperor. The work on these possible custodes begins almost immediately after birth. The Emperor personally customizes the gene-craft to each baby more in depth then any astartes could hope for. All they know is the Emperor, all they care for is the Emperor, all they live and die for is the Emperor. Also apparently there is a higher rate of failure in their creation than the astartes so they've never numbered more than 10,000.

The irony of shy censoring is hilarious

If I recall, I think Constantine Valdor managed to beat 30 marines from the Thousand Sons in melee combat, presumably the elite guards of Magnus or something, and they were able to see in to the future while fighting, and he beat them without taking any injuries.

"Has anyone ever died of old age in Warhammer?" Commissar Yarrick: "Hold my beer."

the absolute thickness of the size comparison was impressive

15:47 I prefer to call him by his real name. Kitten.

Therapist: Wide Big E Money doesn't exist. He can't hurt you. Wide Big E Money:

This dude can understand the endless complexity that is 40k lore and rules, but can't comprehend the difference between Seasons and Parts.

Me a Jojo fan listen to Bricky absolutely shiting about Jojo: :,) *pain*

If you die from old age in wh40k, you are a Badass regardless of whatever you were in charge of.

I have a gut feeling that the ever expanding names of Custodes are a defense against the warp - It's been referenced in a few black library books that knowing the full true name of something grants you power over it By ever expanding the name it's like re-randomizing passwords so they can't be hacked

11 minutes in already feel the um actuallys in my brain trying to claw out lol

"They're the guards of the holy sea, they're the guards of christianity!" - The Last Stand, Sabaton

Me, back in 4th or 5th edition seeing a custodian in codex art: Man, I wish I could have some of these in my games... Also me, now that we can actually play custodians: Too late, it's all pillar men now...

Sadly bricky forgot that rhe Imperial fists were also fighting off the khorne daemons, even lost their chaoter master

I've always thought of custodes like how say a salamander is to Vulkan A custodes is to the Emperor

MY FELLOW CUSTODES STANDS: LIKE AND COMMENT, IF YOUR ABS TOO QUIVER AT THE SOUND OF OUR GLORIOUS OVERLORD!

since TTS has been mentioned you should do a TTS reaction video series here, it's a must do now imo :D

Come on Bricky, the Captain General's name is Kitten, not Trazen

"Bloodthirsters on Terra is too close" Cadians who had to grow up fighting Daemons on a daily basis:

Ok...you guys need to watch "If the Emperor had a text to speech device."