You just explained it in a way I never thought about before. "I feel responsible for other people's feelings", I can't be happy if someone else around me is sad". It's so on point.
Is this along the same lines of the sense of panic that sets in whenever someone says something was stolen and even though I know I had nothing to do with it, my anxiety goes through the roof that they might somehow think I had something to do with it. On the outside I don't show anything, but on the inside, I'm totally freaking out and arguing with myself about it. Well, technically this is my OCD going into overdrive, but still...
I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid. I was in and off meds, mostly because I fought them pretty hard. I did go back on meds in uni, and clearly needed them. I was then told by my psychiatrist/therapist that I do not have ADHD, I have extensive trauma related issues. I was taken off of my meds, and spent hours upon hours in therapy with my doc trying to the answers she wanted to hear..... anyways.... I was rediagnosed with ADHD this year, after she unexpectedly died last march. depression, anxiety; PTSD and compulsions .... some of which I’m just learning about now. I didn’t think I had anxiety until I literally walked into my managers office, trembling and crying after a night of dreaming of calling in sick and of hurting my patients by accident, begging her to replace me, because I just could not be responsible for anyone’s children anymore (I’m a 33yo NICU nurse.... and naturally, covid-19 added a million stressors) So... this brings me to last night. Last night I got caught in a rabbit hole of Instagram reels, which led me to a bunch of ADHD videos, and then some autism ones. One of my special interests is mental healthcare and I was excited to check out these pages. The more I watched, the more I realized I was seeing myself in the mirror. The answers are all here, In this diagnosis. Anyways I’m not even certain why I’m sharing all this, other than, im stewing over things... but thanks for posting these videos. I need them right now 💖
I don’t really struggle with executive functioning as a self-diagnosed autistic. I do struggle with anxiety quite a lot. My anxiety is usually due to my perfectionism and catastrophic thinking at times. I tend to be a black-and-white thinker, because making a decision makes my anxiety go down. I also really like intense exercise as a way of dealing with my anxiety.
Hey me too! I was diagnosed with ADHD 8 years ago. Didn't really deal with it. I am now though...I'm 53 and having ASD assessed in the near future. 🙏❤️. Diagnosed Anxiety and Depression 30 years ago. Due to chronic pain and repressed traumas, I am learning not to focus on my pains. Lots of CBT and DBT....I know I always felt strange and out of place most of my life. Take care....and thank you for this. 🙏❤️
The empathy part is SO me. Feel like I should be able to help everyone feel OK and literally take on the emotional state of the other people and get overwhelmed and weighed down if I can't fix it for people! Live my life by lists.. To do lists and other lists for every aspect of my life too!!! (I get through lots of notebooks)!! Very helpful examples of challenging negative critical thinking, thank you x
Watching videos more lately where people talk about how empathy plays a part for those with ASD was eye opening. The stereotypes make it sounds like they have no feelings and lack of empathy, but clearly it's the opposite. It's that stereotype and others that had made me (and I'm sure others) disregard possibly having it. Learning more of these things is convincing me more and more that I could possibly have it. I completely feel this exact way to the point others feelings and situations have caused me much grief, sadness, and guilt. But at the same time I have a hard time showing and expressing I feel that way, so I'm sure it appears differently. I'm glad to know I'm not alone with this.
OMG I just told my husband this the other day and friend last year. I cannot feel okay unless I know everyone else is okay too which is why people are exhausting and I need so much alone time
I'm diagnosed with ADHD and now pretty convinced I'm also autistic. I've had anxiety for as long as I remember (I'm 54) and thanks to you and other creators I'm starting to understand why. It's so complex trying to unravel it all but I'm getting there and I'm able to explain certain behaviours to my partner now. I feel like him knowing how my brain works is bringing us closer and improving our relationship. I don't know where I'd be without creators like you. Thank you for everything xxx
I think the biggest thing for me I was diagnosed with autism,adhd and learning disability along with a few other conditions And my entire life my family have forced their this kid has no value persona on me Just because your child by unlucky chance won’t really be able to have an academic career doesn’t mean nothing For absolute years and years i tried my heart out and still currently am to get GCSES even at my age now 21 but whoever is reading this don’t let other people choose your future if you weren’t born to be an academic achiever that’s absolutely perfect No body is more valuable than anyone else Ps i was diagnosed in 2002 with autism 2004 with adhd Only 2 diagnosis datwsni remember but i have ged and depression aswell
I'm so grateful your channel exists, I think I would not have realized I had autism if it weren't for channels like yours explaining what it is like to have both adhd and autism and how that can affect how autism shows itself. Your videos have a very soothing effect on me and Im so very grateful for every person that is disabled and neurodivergent sharing their experiences online. Makes me feel so much less alone, and gives me a lot of ideas on how I might shape my life to be more happy :D
About time somebody put into words what it’s like living with either or both conditions in this insanely complex world. Thank you and keep up the incredible content
Maybe you could do a video on the ways adhd and autism can "cancel out" some of eachothers symptoms? For example the whole needing routine for your autism but not being able to maintain one from the adhd. Adhd making your attention span quite shorter and more out of control, yet not being able to transition between activities quickly. I don't say "my" because I'm not diagnosed with either. But I've struggled for so long... I don't think anyone's considered either because of those clashes of symptoms. I'm not even that unusual it was a damn miracle if I could go to school 5 days in a week, most of those mornings consisting of a meltdown. And I dropped out after failing year 8...
I would like a support group,I was diagnosed with ASD at 37, this week I was diagnosed with ADHD at 39. Very isolated and family have no idea how to sort out understand me. Don't have friends.
Same except I have not been able to be officially diagnosed (being an American woman it seems harder) I'm 38 and have suspected for a long time that I had ADHD and only this past year possible ASD. One thing I was actually diagnosed with was anxiety as a kid but no one seemed to go beyond that. Maybe just a different day and age. There is only one person in my life I feel I can tell and that's because I know they won't tell anyone else. But even then, they can't relate and don't seem to fully understand. So I wish I had that kind of support around me as well.
I was diagnosed with autism at 2, but it took till 18 to get diagnosed with ADHD. In fact, up until age 16, I thought I couldn't have both, that autism covers all the weird things. But by age 17 I felt more and more certain that I had ADHD, and my mom tried to get me a diagnosis through my children's doctor. But that had a long waiting list that I only got off of just after my 18th birthday. So that sucked.
Have had traumatic issues in my entire life (incest from age 2 to 9 in a very loud, violent home, with resultant people-pleasing behavior that attracted three marriages to extremely narcissistic men, had narcissistic bosses and narcissistic "friends," many other poor decisions). I finally dropped the mask and people-pleasing, and now find I'm far too blunt, too easily to anger when people are false or lying to me. I see through people, always could, and now trust my gut. I am really no longer socially acceptable without the mask. I just try to be quiet when I have to be around others. I was finally diagnosed at 68 with ADHD, autism/Aspergers, and extreme anxiety, CPTSD, migraines, insomnia, bruxism, small fiber neuropathy. I feel most of this is related to stored trauma I can't seem to release, though Lord knows I've tried. I loathe victim mentality and am determined to heal myself. I have a high level of intelligence which I believe is the only thing that has saved me from insanity. I had a very successful school history and medical career for 40 years. Have been single/no men or close friends since 2002 and am not lonely. I don't trust or enjoy the company of other people. I'm the most comfortable with just myself alone in my cozy sensory-appropriate home with my books and baking. Not agoraphobic, just don't enjoy going places very often. I would so appreciate any ideas I have not considered, books I haven't read, any helpful thoughts from anyone. Thank you in advance. 🙏
Gardening helps my anxiety. Because I'm hypermoble and disab!ed by arthritis, gardening for me means puttering around with containers and pots, but it really does take me out of my anxiety loop.
When I was still doing historical fencing, my friends, bless their harts, used to sit me in between them in the car, so I could not change my mind on the borders of the town and trying to leave without the car even stopping. I was really looking forward to go, but than I really did not want to go and wanted to leave the car, when I still could walk back home, but than I´ve had a great time, when they made me go. Still torn apart about what things could I do if I´d stay at home and also being at the fair made me so mentally exhausted and fulfilled at the same time. I´ve learned to crochet and bind book here on the platform and it keeps me bussy enough.
I have ASD and I consider anxiety my basic personal character trait. I am not trying to remove it or control it. I am laughing at myself all the time (that helps me a lot when I do or think weird things ) but I always try to take my anxiety into consideration and adjust myself. And it works for me... I think my anxiety led to the place where I am now and I super happy about my life in general because I am in peace with myself (I am always ALWAYS anxious but super happy).
Thanks for sharing. I also have been diagnosed with ASD and ADHD (last year @ age 38) and struggle to find people that discuss their experiences with both. I find myself very conflicted with my thoughts as if they are fighting against each other constantly! I'm learning not to dive down the many rabbit holes of rumination that pop up but the constant conflict in my head is exhausting and I end up paralysed by it and am still trying to learn ways of recognising how I feel and to know what will help me recover! I have struggled with addiction most of my life and still haven't got to a place where I feel I can survive without them. Often I feel I am struggling to survive even with my addictions as I still am seeking to escape and nothing is strong enough to stop the conflict in my head! Xx
Hey Ella, great to see you. I feel the EXACT SAME WAY. My problem is that I have no support here in Southern California. Please give me a direction to start looking for help.☮️
Omg i think i might have anxiety. You're so relatable to me. That thing of not understanding that i suffer with it happened with depression for me too. I felt for people and was like wow it must b so hard and then i finally came to understand that im very depressed, have been since childhood. I knew that anxiety was probably something i still didn't really understand and i was right. I just had this specific idea of someone being a worrier like my mom and im not like that, in a way i hardly worry but no that's not quite right, i just worry about different things, i do worry quite a bit
I feel like my anxiety comes from all of the times things went horribly wrong during my childhood and my mum told me “Well, you should have though of that before you ___” leading to me becoming Napoleonically obsessed with figuring out all of the ways things can go wrong before committing to any decision… you know… thinking about it before. 🙄
You're putting things into words that I've never heard before now. Thank you! I'm at the part of not feeling ok until everybody around you is ok. The excessive empathy thing. Oh ... very first time I ever heard that and thank you.
As someone with ADHD who recently got diagnosed with autism, this channel has been (and continues to be) immensely valuable. Thank you for producing this helpful content!
Stimming! I’m yet to be diagnosed but fairly sure I am autistic and have ADHD. I also have a diagnosis of HSD, which is pretty similar to EDS, am queer, and have a diagnosis of Irlen Syndrome, so all signs pointing to autism. Only during the past 9 months or so have I begun to unmask and stop suppressing stims. I’m finding that when my anxiety begins to rise I need to remind myself to stim and that usually calms me down. Sometimes I get tics, a bit like someone with Tourette’s, which feels a bit like a stim that’s desperate to get out and I feel less anxious after. For me it’s usually physical, like a big twitch in my shoulders or legs, but sometimes vocal, though sounds rather than words. It’s like my body knows it needs to stim so I’m trying to do better at listening to it.
I’ve never processed that my inner thoughts are internalized ableism I am immediately going to your other video thanks for helping me come to conclusions about that part of myself it’s a lot more help than u may realize
Very true! I was constantly feeling extremely anxious in social situations when I was young (say 25), but I was not aware of that because I felt bad all the time and didn't know the differencfe. It's a little bit like not being able to see what the signs say on the other side of the road, but no one has told you that you need glasses. Once I managed to deal with social situations much better my anxiety dissapeared or was highly reduced. All of a sudden I coudl feel the difference from before I realized hpw terrible I had felt. Shame is one of the biggest components for me. Also guilt (a feeling that was mentioned in the video) and feeling threatened and having to defend myself all the time and feeling hurt and getting overwhelmed by feelings.
My daughter has been diagnosed with ASD/Aspergers, ADHD, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I am grateful for your content, thank you for sharing your experiences! 💕💕
Thank you so much for making this video, and thank you in advance for the future content you will make on these two topics together. Just went yesterday to an appointment with a psychologist to try to get some feedback about what sorts of diagnostic directions to explore for my neurodivergent self struggling with many different challenges impacting many different areas of my life, and the psychologist told me that I needed to pick one direction to explore and stick with it until its conclusion. Being someone who experiences symptoms of both autism and ADHD (among other things), I found this response very frustrating and disheartening, feeling like it would mean I would always have to leave out or disregard a part of who I am while exploring one avenue that might help me better understand how to care for myself and be happy and regulated in my daily life. This type of hybrid content is really needed, and I'm very grateful to you for making it. Looking forward to more! :-)
I am self diagnosed autistic and formally diagnosed with ADHD and generalized anxiety. This video was incredibly helpful. Thank you for creating such helpful content!
There's some really good advice and strategies mentioned here that I never thought of, or was never told about before. I'm going to re-watch this video and make a list of things I could try to lower my anxiety, which is pretty rampant at this point.
Brilliant content. Thank you. My main method for managing anxiety is cold water swimming/immersion. I’m lucky enough to live by the sea, but if you don’t you can always use cold showers. The swimming is great because it kills many birds with one stone: cold water therapy, exercise, mindfulness, and breath regulation. I’m diagnosed generalised anxiety and bipolar, and just a few weeks ago, ADHD. Now I’m looking into how much of the GAD is linked to ADHD. My self esteem is also generally shite, and has been most of my life, along with the anxiety. I think exploring anxiety within the context of ADHD makes a lot of sense.
Thank you, this was so clear! Anxiety is a major symptom for me and my kids. It was also how we clued in to identifying autism in my oldest child, by looking at what made him anxious and what his methods of coping with anxiety were. It can be hard to identify anxiety at times though like you said because it can present in so many ways. I get irritable and snappy with people close to me and then melt down. It always takes me time to figure it out but when I start yelling at the kids that's a hint that my overwhelm has built up causing anxiety. Also I LOVE your purple overalls, they look so comfy. I might need to find a pair or a pattern to make some!
i was diagnosed with adhd a couple days ago, and the psychiatrist noticed asd traits so referred me for an asd assessment! your videos have been really helpful navigating both of these things, so thankyou❤️
This has really helped me as I’ve been struggling still with just having adhd and currently waiting on a autism referral. Thank you so much, I don’t feel so on my own as people don’t understand, it’s exactly how you described 💪🏻 I’m proud of who I am like you tho 💜
Talking about anxiety always gives me anxiety. Working out is the only helpful thing. Omg i love your tank! I got into aquascaping and I’m completely addicted. I’m making a DIY cave right now out of slate for one of my bettas. So chaotic and relaxing at the same time. I’m constantly finding new crafts to learn. Projects take me so long because I’m all over the place & a perfectionist.
Your work is very important and valuable! I am in the very beginning stages of self diagnose (or self identification, I'm not sure about the correct terminology) but you help me understand myself better and also understand others who might struggle with different things. My favorite thing about you is that you always seem thoughtful and cheerful. Thanks for everything!
When I was a kid I was diagnosed with anxiety, specifically social phobia, even sometimes called "school phobia" by the psychiatrist my parents had me going to. I've suspected there was much more to it than that. I've thought in the last few years I probably had ADHD that went undiagnosed and, since this past year, suspect possible ASD. Looking into anxiety with ASD and ADHD, including videos like this, makes things make more sense, making me think I could have it all but also leaving me wondering why none of that was looked into further for me considering traits I had. One could blame it on it being the 80s/90s and being a girl so it was overlooked more, but there should have been second opinions at the very least done. Now I still am undiagnosed but with being an American, and being female, it makes it much harder. But knowing this stuff CAN be all connected is very interesting and eye opening for me.
"for autistic people empathy can lead to anxiety. this is my very unscientific explanation based on previous experiences. i feel a lot of empathy to the point where i can tell if something is wrong for someone as soon as i enter a room. all of this empathy means that i feel responsible for other people's feelings and i feel guilty and like i need to fix it if i can sense that something's wrong. essentially i can't feel okay or settled if i can sense that somebody else isn't okay this leads to a lot of anxiety because i'm anxious whenever i sense that somebody else isn't okay."
Omg! Fish tank! Its beautiful! And planted! I have 18 fish tanks. I use my fish tanks to help my anxity its the best world to get lost in. Love you Mrs purple Ella 💜
I find music can stop anxiety. This was years before the autism diagnosis. But the ADHD was given to me as a child. But about 10 years ago anxiety turned to depression to a point of near suicide. It waa random chance that the right song came to me to teach me to never give up on myself or my dreams, no matter what. Now I turn to music when anxiety and stress is overwhelming. I call it my inspiring remixes. Now I have ot about 60 songs and growing.
The Neurodiverse struggle to express emotions in the conventional way but we are highly create and can express our emotions through art, music, poetry, dance, theatre etc
My daughter just turned 7. She was recently diagnosed with anxiety, Severe ADHD, and functioning autism. Finding the right medicine is next to impossible. I feel like therapy is a waste of time and not helping at all. She is constantly getting in trouble in school, sent to deans office, suspended, missing class, etc... Its so hard having everyone look at me as her mom like i failed or am not doing enough. All i want is to help her and for her to be happy. She is such a loving and sweet girl who always aims to please. I am stressed all the time and I do not know the "right" thing to do or know what else I can do to help her. Advice anyone???
Thank you - I noticed you became a Purple person - thank you! If you'd like to join the members discord group there are others who have been through that process to talk to - drop me an email ella@purpleella.com and I'll send you a link.
I just subscribed because I can relate so much! So I think I'm on the spectrum, I am diagnosed ADD (ADHD), I definitely have anxiety. Do you have RSD? I've learned it's related to ADHD. I'm also researching EDS because I believe I fit that criteria as well. I want you to know you are helping people. I'm sitting here crying because I relate. 🤗 My anxiety tips are: as you mentioned, walking, no caffeine, (very noticable difference), CBD, medicating for ADHD has actually improved my anxiety at times (not always), breathing techniques, gardening, and my pets. And depending on the legality of where you live, I have found THC/CBD(1:1) tinctures to be an amazing help for all of these issues. Oh and magnesium helps some of these issues too. 💞
I feel like the way you describe empathy sounds a lot like codependency. Empathy means I can feel what the other person is feeling, or going through. Feeling responsible for fixing someone else's feelings, is a different issue I feel like. Truth is you can't help anyone but yourself, and unsolicited advice can not provide help, in stead being supportive and understanding, giving help if you can when asked, is a more helpful relational experience
I have everything you just explained.. more ADHD & High Functioning Anxiety & Sociopathy.. I am a firm believer that sociopathy is not genetic but your environment during childhood. My mom was strict/abusive and my dad spoiled me & only abusive because my mom compelled him to give me the belt.. I acted out at school because I never got attention at home and even though I aced math & science tests.. I never got praise.. they only focused on the negativity when I acted like a class clown looking for attention or bullying the bullies.. I was acting out in a righteous way.. I was born with ADHD but Anxiety and parent neglect made me lack empathy for others.. and after you describing Autism.. I think the source to my issues is that ADHD mixed with High Anxiety made me Autistic.. and I lack empathy because my parents were never shown empathy so how does one raise their own kids if they've never experienced empathy themselves? Empathy is taught so when they say men lack empathy.. there's a reason why and it can't just be taught overnight.. you become your environment.
I have Aspergers dyspraxia suspected HEDS/fibromyalgia anxiety disorders and I am also an empath with causes so many over loads as well as constant fatigue. I never feel good enough even though I know deep down I am. My support workers family snd friends tell me all the time.
im feeling the anxiety, im barely on the spectrum but because the anxiety and OCD, i have 24/7 thoughts about my condition, my anxiety, how i feel, etc
I recommend you get a lavalier mic, because you sound very far from your mic right now. Seems like you are using your phone mic, which isn’t the greatest unless your phone is very close. There are some very affordable lavaliers that are very easy to use.
Hi, you said you have a lot empathy, this is exactly like me, but I'm autistic, and i don't know why people and doctors that autistic people lack empathy, so this confusion!!?
