Adult with Autism | Birthdays...and Dentists | 10 

Totally agree on birthdays. Every year people ask "what are you going to do for your birthday?" And they get confused when i say "I'm going to stay home, lock the doors, and turn the phone off"

Had a job where everyone else had their birthdays celebrated but never mine. I admit that there were times it was the very worst day of my life, but I want to do something different. I don't want to regret this particular day or be made to anymore.

Thanks for sharing Paul. I feel the same about birthdays. The weekend ones are special because I won't be bothered by people from work... I thought the birthday boy buying the cake was a South African thing but turns out to be a global phenomenon

I like cards, I like looking at the pictures, they are disappointing if they don’t have a nice picture and also don’t mean much if they don’t have words in them that people put effort into writing. I keep cards that I have received. In school receiving cards made me feel like people cared/knew I existed. I like making my own cards to give out to friends and close family for birthdays and Christmas, and writing in cards because it is an opportunity to say things to people in writing that I have trouble saying in person to let people know I care about them. However over the last few years I’ve felt too tired/burnt out to be able to do cards - hard to get around to making them and hard to think of words. Making cards also means I don’t have to leave the house to go to the shop, and can put in more effort in my own way that I get more out of.

Totally agree about birthdays. Asking the same questions, hiding date... Thanks for the video!

#Feels The Dentist Rejection feeling is my life. I can't even. Mine isn't the needles, it's the sensory overload that gets me.

I don't like birthdays... i don't fell like anybody realy cares... just empty blabla like smalltalk...totally relateable!

Ask your dentist if they offer anesthesia using the dental wand. The dental wand is totally pain free, it's not a typical syringe and the needle is so tiny it's a life changer.

Haha, this is SO relatable! Especially what you said about cards. I told my colleagues once that I throw away Christmas cards (immediately after I get them) because I don't want them. They were absolutely horrified haha. Anyway, just wanted to say I really appreciate your videos. They are truly helpful and relatable. And funny too :)

Well done! My youngest felt incredible pain from pin prick sensations along with rain. He would cry or get violent if his father’s 5 o’clock whiskers brushed his skin, nail clippers, tag edges, the ends of new fleece fabric. The dentist was pure hell yet he would ask to go for the prize he would get at the end. Birthdays, special days, cards... that whole thing could just drop off and I would be incredibly thankful. I could imagine your response is similar to my oldest son on such occasion. He likes getting a gift and his favorite cake, but expressing the “appropriate” responses etc. for others would just not be in his toolbox. Such a shame the people in his life couldn’t understand. Good luck to you at the dentist. I had to find a “special” dentist for my son and I and yes we get some accommodations and yes it’s more expensive for sure. But that cleaning tool is a nightmare experience. My son’s toenails are always getting to a point of needing to visit the podiatrist due to aversion to the feel of the clipper edge. About ready to remove all the teeth and the toenails permanently and we’ll carry on somehow! And that doesn’t mean he can’t take the hard punches and bike and ball crunches, those don’t phase him at all, truly tough guy but for those pin sensations. Do what you got to do for you! Happy Birthday🤗

This helped me so much today. I had to prep for an emergency dentist visit. Thank you for making this video, there isn’t enough content out there about autistic adults.

How do you feel about other people’s birthdays? Do you get that obligation feeling? If my questions aren’t clear let me know and I’ll try harder.

Hey Paul, well done on the dentist. I have told you that I am the same, thank god that I found one that completely understands the fear I have without any judgement from them. Funny I am the same about needles, actually anything medical for that matter. I had my first shot two days ago. When I arrived at the place the first person I countered was through the car window. I told the nice young lady that I am autistic and I have a lot of anxiety and would it be OK if my partner comes in with me. She was amazing and said absolutely! I also said “embarrassing isn’t it” She told me don’t ever be embarrassed about that! The whole experience was amazing. I think they all have had some sort of autism training. I am lucky to have my partner with me. For some reason just that gets my anxiety to a non-meltdown level😀. I don’t mind birthdays with friends, but I don’t care to have co workers know or do anything. I have never heard of binging my own cake somewhere! That must be an English thing😀. And no it is not logical! I gave myself a 40th birthday party and invited some close friends, who also invited friends, and I had to open presents in front of them. I nearly died! Never again on that front. I have written too much😱. I take notes as we think a like and its fun to respond! Another great video. Good luck with the dentist and Happy Birthday! 😂

I inhaled my tea at the deadpan Michael Jackson part, cheers Paul! Hahaha Don't think anyone around here brings cake in to work when it's their own birthday, maybe that's just a southern thing? Sharing leftover cakes/noms with family/friends sure. Multiple bought cakes for WORK when its your own birthday? Nope. I don't drink in rounds anymore either but for opposite reason to you - I'm the whisky drinker and it be rude to order that. So I'm stuck ordering cheap pints, having to choke the first one down and giving away the rest. The only way to do rounds FAIRLY is by doing shots - you're all drinking the same thing and none of you like it. You're drunken suffering together is bonding. Happy bir...ahem, I mean good luck with the dentist :)

I’m one who doesn’t need special occasions to celebrate life. I don’t expect gifts and I don’t wait for special occasions to give them either. Dentist! I just had oral surgery! I was awake and didn’t even have gas! I’m highly sensitive so I send myself somewhere else and it helps! LOL I didn’t listen to music because some songs would be ok during the procedure but others would trigger other thoughts that would amp pain. Otherwise music helps anxiety. I hear about the mask! It helps to give us what emotion they might be experiencing and we can judge for our own protection! I understand for sure! I have an overlap of Aspergers and HSP. I’m in the process of finding things with my doctor. I’m going to be 48 and it’s been eye opening! I didn’t know those things existed and HSP isn’t a disorder. It’s a personality trait I once only saw as a curse until I was able to control the people I allow inside my circles. Now I see it as a strength to guide and protect me and discern many things! I say embrace it but it does matter who you’re dealing with and their personality. So glad you brought these topics up! You’ve made sense to me! My husband is beyond frustrated because he doesn’t focus on the whole person but only the mouth and what they say. You can’t rely only on words. I tried to show what anxious looked like by pretending to be to show him without words and he was supposed to guess what emotion I was trying to recreate. He couldn’t pick up on what I am able to feel and recognize in others body language very easy! But that’s how my dna works! We aren’t weak or paranoid either! Lots of sigma attached to anything different other than the majority! Keep up the good work! Have a wonderful Sunday and bless you for being you! 🙏🏻❤️😀

I don't understand throwing a birthday party for yourself. Inviting a group of people who are there just because of me?? I've added to this comment: I'm turning 50 soon and my family and other people ask what I'll be doing for my 50th. Maybe I'll have a meal out by myself. Or a movie but that's it. My parents and my brothers took me out for dinner on my birthday once. I nearly had a meltdown because they sang happy birthday in the restaurant and a waiter bought out a cake. I had never felt so horrified in my entire life. I actually shut down for a moment.

Tattoos are different. I’m also petrified of needles but I can literally sleep through a tattoo as crazy as that sounds I do. Completely agree with the whole dentist thing for the same reasons.

For me I go to the dentist and no matter what I am getting done or what I do my heart pounds in a way I can't control and I can't stop it. I am also Autistic and I will either have a panic attack, not be able to stop talking or not be able to talk at all because of the stress and the pain and the noises and lights and stimulents and the feeling of the needle which makes me joult everytime I have it done. I feel so scare to go, then I am scared when I go but know its needed then I try my best to cope during then I feel so glad its over but stressed if I have pain afterwards and really feel like I just can't manage to do hardly anything after what was done for at least 2 or 3 days after. I also heard for wisdom teeth surgury which is what I need mind you I have never had surgury on anything before ever that you aren't even aloud to get pain killers anymore after it due to people ruining that by selling and abusing them over the years. I am scared I won't be able to find anything to help the pain when done. Glad I only need 2 done and fingers crossed my other two don't ever come in or I will lose it. If you had your wisdom teeth removed how was it for you. I am in america so not sure if its diffrent over there but here getting put under where I need to go is 600 to 1000 dollars and we don't got that money but its the only way anything can ever be done on my teeth past a cleaning and xrays

Here’s my take on my birthday. I was neglected as a child by my mother. I wish I was never born or at least that’s the message I got from my mother growing up so birthdays are very painful for me no matter if I try to make it just another day and go to work or try to celebrate it with a friend. It’s just a no win day for me. I tried to work one year on my birthday and discovered how stressed out I am on my birthday and never worked on my birthday after that. This year I’m taking the day before and after off too. My birthday is in August and it’s coming up soon. I usually spend the month picking up freebies from different places like Dennys restaurant and ulta beauty. That’s how I celebrate me 🎉

You've said it in a couple videos so far that you really hoping you're reaching someone to give someone some help and I want to let you know that I've struggled with my diagnosis and your videos are helping me immensely... I also don't understand why birthdays are such a big deal but I also don't understand why Valentine's Day is such a big deal if you're in love with someone you love them everyday not just one day a year it's insane... PS: My mother worked in my stepdad's dentist office and I had to get into a chair two or three times a week to let the hygienist practice on me...

That was great, I laughed a lot with recognition that I feel the same way. I look forward to the next video, I hope the Dentist appt. goes as well as possible for you

I am totally the same with dentists absolutely hate them.

Certainly for medically significant stuff there is no harm in accepting assistance, a fractured tooth can cause a lot of harm down the road. I neglected to get one resolved myself because I also hate the dentist (I kind of go catatonic in the chair, 1000 yard stare and barely responding). I needed to get my wisdom teeth out and opted to have all 3 of them out simultaneously for much the same reason, get it all over and heal up once, even if its worse, than multiple times.

I basically disassociate when I'm at the dentist or during any 'medical' kind of procedures. La la la, this isn't happening..

Reginald’s socks… you shouldn’t have.

It's uncanny how much of what you said I 100 percent identify with. Needles - no thanks, dentist in my face - nope, my birthday - it's just another day.

In my country it is basically normal to take in your own cake to work, and I don’t do that so they don’t sing (which is my phobia) Don’t mind cards unless they’re sitting in my bedroom

Paul, what a coincidence... my birthday is between the 1st and the end of May too! I sent you some socks, let me know when they arrive. (I'm joking). Needles and the dentist bothers me too. Although I can tolerate needles as long as I don't watch it go in. I think that explains why I was Ok getting tattoos. Wanted to share my opinion on a couple of things. (1) I think people expect you to bring your own cake for your birthday because they don't want to have to pay for it themselves. That would mean they'd have to buy one for every employee at the company. Logical? No. But some companies don't want to put out any more money than they have to. (2) I believe people continue to tell you how old someone would be after they've passed, to keep them around in memory since it's difficult for some to let go. I struggle with death, even if I didn't know the person. But I don't keep track of how old they would've been. I have enough trouble remembering my own age sometimes.

Cards do my head in! Straight in the recycling! Especially, at Christmas. People think it's selfish and that I just can't be bothered to send them. Sorry, no! I'd rather donate to charity.

Ok I'm legit weird 😆 I like socks, underwear and clothes as a gift - less of my own money I gotta spend on the stuff I go through all the time! I don't get excited about em, but heck yeah, get me stuff i hate using my money on instead of saving it for a trip. I'm the same about my bday though. No, I'm not bringing anything for anyone else, just gimmie gifts and food and leave me alone to work lol For those that wantto get me something, I've made a list on Amazon that I throw stuff into that I'd like but can't justify spending money on or haven't bought yet.

15:27 😂 I don't celebrate birthdays because I don't get it either. And I hate attention. But also as a Jehovah's witness it's literally something we don't do. So it's so easy not to have to. But my friends who aren't JW's can't help themselves. I'm just like please please don't. 😅 And I didn't have to wait for gifts they were always a surprise, if we could afford it. 26:37 I love sims lol I love the comparisons. I agree with death thing. But idk for people who believe in heaven what are you sad about isn't that were people think are all going? Idk sorry I'm just agreeing. 😅