Adult with Autism | Why I NEEDED My Autism Diagnosis | 02 

I can empathize with that so much... got my Diagnosis last year at age 47. Some years before that, I was often told to do things I could not do, too. But instead of refusing, I forced myself somehow to comply, destroying myself in the process. I had many nervous breakdowns and ended being in a deep exhaustion with severe depression. Now, years later, I've still not fully recovered. But since I now know a lot more about myself, I can stop making the same mistakes again. Thanks for making your Videos!

I am recently self-diagnosed at age 75. No psychologist ever suggested that I may be autistic. Instead, I was treated for anxiety and depression. I suffered tremendously my whole life, in school, my relationships, jobs, etc. I'm glad that I now know the reason for my struggles, but I'm sad for all the pain I endured.

Y'know, I'm a little off topic but you're a wonderful storyteller. You mentioned toward the end that you sometimes think about writing movies, but you seemed to think it was a stupid idea. I actually think you'd be a remarkable writer.

I NEED it to know why I’m different, as well. I’m almost 79 and have had a relatively successful life, yet there have been parts of my life that haven’t worked, from childhood onward. Thank you for your advice. My well-being has suffered throughout my life. There ARE problems and I’ve always been a “black sheep”. Soon I’ll know, one way or the other. LOVE your “tangents”!!!

omg yes!!! I used to have meltdowns when I was younger and my mom would force me to pick up the telephone when it rang at our house. Cold calling is THE worst.

"The way your face can change a room's mood" really hit me. I have tried to tell care providers for years how awful it is, and they completely deny that it happens. I'm glad to hear that others are being taken seriously.

I’m in the process right now and it’s indescribable how I feel. In 47! I went to search on my brother who was diagnosed as a baby so I can relate to him and reach him only to feel like I’ve been punched in the gut at first? I lost my breath literally! I was reading about my childhood and so much of what my life is like?! I used to go on the playground and pretend to be some other kid to fit in! I ended up usually by myself talking to the adult yard duty?! Adults were better friends. They watched and read the same things I liked and most of my the people my age couldn’t relate! No ones fault! Hahahah I was called an old soul! Always the responsible one to tend to children and my peers rather not anyway so I had fun and made money! LOL I watched children on the spectrum all the time! Never bothered me. So looking back so many dots are being connected and it’s not so scary! It’s empowering! I don’t like labels and we know how ignorant others are (including myself because I knew so little in the beginning) and the stigma is not fun to deal with. But slowly I’ve been telling others about my journey. It’s a slow process and hard work! But now I can find skills to help me not be so anxious. Everything can come at me and my sensitivity level is high! But I am a people watcher and can tell the motives of others! Body language is easy for me! So I assumed because I’m very empathetic and good at reading others that I couldn’t be on the spectrum. Oy! Wrong! You have many of the same attributes as I do! Hey! You sound pretty freaking cool to me! LOL thank you for sharing! You’ve explained things well! Writing I do well! But when I get in front of a camera it’s game over?! Hahaha I am socially awkward and have very few close friends. Lots of friends but not real close. Mostly family! So I don’t connect to many. But it’s funny how I can be drawn to some who end up being on the spectrum throughout my years! They are some of my best friends! I am alone often but never bored or lonely! Misunderstood ? All the time! I hear ya!! Keep this up if you’d like! You’re insightful and empathetic! And brave enough to get past the stigma! That’s a pretty rare combo! 👍🏻💪🏼🙏🏻😁

You notice the details often that NT’s overlook well I do to a fault anyway.. interaction drains me to utter exhaustion it’s so hard. Thank you for your channel & your experiences :)

I really relate to your frustration of only getting empathy when I say I'm autistic. Why do I have to have a diagnosis in order for you to see that I'm the way I am. Why can't I be seen as a person? Why can't they accept me without it? I get judged so much for the things I do and say. But I there are just some things like you said I'll never be able to do. And I only get empathy and understanding when I say I'm autistic and I hate it.

I'm in the middle of getting a diagnosis. Too late to help professionally -- I'm 75 now. I can do cold calls, but I absolutely hate it. I had a job once where I had to do them. I just had to role play -- pretend I was playing a part, not being myself. Then I could do it. But it still made me want to cry. Where I really bombed, though, was in job interviews. I never got the job I wanted and was educated and trained for. Maybe I should have role-played in the job interviews, too. That's not what I wanted to say -- what I wanted to say was that you are really good at these videos. I love to listen to you talk.

The magnet analogy was perfect.

Thank you for sharing your experiences with us Paul. You bring up so many good and interesting points, many of which i hadn't noticed or considered. I found it interesting that you brought up things like schizophrenia, sociopathy and psycopathy, because when i was researching for my own diagnosis those were the ones i was looking at. It wasnt until one of my teachers suggested autism that i thought it could be anything other than schizophrenia. Looking back on my own diagnosis journey, the main motivation i had to get it was because i was constantly overwhelmed and burned out with no identifiable reason.

I work in fire and security also Paul, I understand being made to do things that some suit thinks is acceptable. I’m NT but can totally empathise with your situation. Great insight mate

Thanks for sharing. I am in the same situation here at work in the USA. Every day I feel threatened by my boss, putting me in a situation that affects my health. I have people counting on me to work and support them. I need to be healthy. Being in the USA, at 50+ years old, I can't just get diagnoses. I feel my days are limited.

I like your low-key, matter-of-fact delivery style. Some other autism RU-vid presenters I have watched put on a cheesy 'hyper' act like they are daytime TV presenters, which I find awfully annoying and off-putting. I guess your inability to cold call arises from the especially strong sense of honesty, truthfulness, integrity and fairness that is a common trait in people with high-functioning autism. I very much agree with you that if anyone has a sense of being constantly at odds with the rest of the world, then the self-knowledge, self-insight provided by a diagnosis is life-changing. Just for yourself you don't necessarily need a formal, documented diagnosis, but as in your case, if you need to enlighten some significant person in your life, particularly an employer, a formal diagnosis really helps.

I ended up getting diagnosed at 40 because of struggles at work too. Things are much better now. I feel lucky that it worked out for me...for now.

I hate how autism is defined as partially inflexible thinking and yet neurotypical people aren't felxible either, in that they want you to do it, you have to do it...even when you try to explain that you can't...they can't be bothered to be accomodating, which I feels demands way less on them, than on me, you know what I mean?

What others have said. Also, i'm impressed that your video was done in a single take (unspliced).

I live in the US and every time you say "waffling about" I cant help but to start craving actual waffles. Im going to go make some.

Dude, right on man! I really appreciated your story and your advice. I definitely plan on getting a diagnosis so I can get reasonable accommodation. The cubical farm was a great example, but now some companies are going to the same desk setup but no more walls so that you don't get any privacy while you're working.

51 and I've always known something was wildly off with me and being one of the lads I masked and fitted with constant worrying and over thinking. Looking forward to working through your vids but thanks for coming across as normal / like me as far as I can tell. I think the more you seem like the last person to have it the harder and more exhausting it is over time.

I remember doing a small contract job working making floral bouquets (mass produced, that you buy cheap at a corner store or grocery store) and at the end of the 2 weeks the boss made a quip about my mood and work ethic and I had a good mind to holler back that I work extremely well, regardless of my mood, haha! i just hate the added pressures, socially, like let me do my job and go home. Also bosses adding things on the to do list that are clearly not a part of the job description. It is so aggravating and stressful and we're just supposed to comply, why?? I remember getting in trouble at another job, I was hired to work weekdays, since I was older and not in school and the ''kids'' were hired for evenings and weekends...held the job down for 2-3 months before quitting, worked every evening the shop was open and weekends. It's so maddening.

It’s called selective mutism and it’s awful. Sorry that happened to you with your boss but at least you now know and he actually accepted your reason in the end. Wish he could have respected you in the beginning.

Good for you Paul , you sound like a lovely guy , just trying to get through life , there's an awful lot off people out there with autism just trying to get through life , there's also a lot off people need educated on autism , my grandson has autism and he was lucky enough to be diagnosed when he was 15 , but thankfully he has a great mother who would fight to have his voice heard , I admire people like you , so please keep on the good work with the videos , and thank you ❤

Awesome video!

Paul again what an awesome video and again I totally relate to you I’ve struggled in employment also. Organisations and employers just do not understand at all thank you for raising this important points people need to know about

When I look back, at things that happened in old jobs, pre diagnosis, I get overwhelming feelings of sadness, takes me straight back there. I can relate. Thanks for the post

it is odd with all the talk of morality and religion how abrasive it is when some of us can't do things we don't believe in 😕 also...f"*# cold calling

Hi Paul! Always awesome to see a new video from you. I like your new camera angle and the lighting in this one. Resonating so much with your story, it also brings up much frustration with the medical system where I live (a resort town in Canada). I would LOVE to get a diagnosis, however finding (and paying for) a clinician who is experienced in working with adult females on the Spectrum has proven impossible at this stage. I’ve given up on that route and comfort myself with things like your videos, which help immensely to not feel so alone

Thank you

Paul!! Oh my goodness, Paul, I am LOVING this one!! Can you tell? Haha!! Going to bed, is when my mind wakes up...I don't think anyone has ever explained it better!! I've been assessed (partially), twice and dismissed (almost immediately first time and halfway through second time), twice...apparently I am too self-reflective and can name emotions, can maintain eye contact, am in a relationship, have had jobs, can remember my childhood, don't have a niche special interest, etc...seemed like they were trying to diagnosis autism through the lens of a very severe stereotypical form of it...makes you wonder how much the professionals actually know, but it's been shattering. Getting older is definitely the crumbs and makes being adaptive a lot harder. I've found I cope less and less with age.

Coming to terms with my neurodiversity, just listened to the first two episodes. I'm still at the stage of having 'lightbulb' moments as I explore and I think this podcast is really gonna help. Cheers Paul

6:39 yep, my spectrum gets me to do a job if I feel I can do it, I will. And I’m similar in regards to the phones. Sometimes I’m ok, but sometimes I don’t like it, especially answer machines

You have a really nice voice 😊

Thank you I’m just sure you understand

Thank you so much for this video. I just found out myself at age 47, and trying to figure things to work for me at work and lisiting to you really helps me getting the questions on paper i would like to ask my coach.

''I just can't.'' YUP !!! No better eplaination and I often realize how strange it must sound to others, but yes, I totally felt that in my soul! I just can't and it isn't about confidence or intelligence or any other number of weird things other people think, it just is not doable. Period.

I’ve just been diagnosed with ADHD at 42 and now I’m thinking maybe I’m autistic as well, like you say always felt that there was something wrong with me and asking why I’m different. Lost my job during covid and ended up in a call centre taking incoming calls to upgrade mobiles but this was never enough we had to try and upsell everything and I was no good at it. It was just before Christmas so I kinda got away with it for a bit then struggled in January/February before they moved us all onto another team where people were ringing in to top up their phone and being put through to us to try and sell them a monthly contract instead, couldn’t cope at all think I managed a day or two before going off sick with stress. Fast forward a few years and I have a job that’s great for me as it’s flexi hours and working from home 4 days a week. But now I’ve got my ADHD diagnosis and have to talk to my boss about it. I’ve far more confidence in this boss than in previous jobs though so not that worried about it. Anyway gone off a tangent too, maybe I should seek an autism diagnosis? Asides from accommodations at work what benefit is there to seeking an adult diagnosis? With my ADHD at least I can take medication which hopefully will alleviate some of my more problematic symptoms but with autism there’s no such medicine.

I laughed when you described it as parasitic..perfect.

Binging alot of your stuff

I've just been diagnosed too.

I once took a job where I was supposed to do cold calling and I couldn’t. Like you say, I COULD NOT. I quit after two days without looking for another job first, because I simply had to leave, I couldn’t be there one more minute. The boss basically told me that I was a loser (it was a sales company, I’m laughing at how I even thought of taking a job like that) and, contrary to how I usually felt if someone misunderstood me, I couldn’t care less what he said because I saw right through him and I was just so relieved walking out of that office. Those two days I was there was anxiety from hell staring at the phone and feeling so out of place and different from my coworkers (which I always do at every job to be fair) who seemingly had no problem making those calls…which in itself is astonishing to me! Thanks for telling about your experiences and your life.

I used to work security as well and did the exact same thing. In a room of 500+ people I would spot the handful of people that would cause trouble or create a scene. I was correct more than 3/4 of the time.

I was completely struggling,work wise and Socially and at family functions etc..so my GP referred me to a specialist in Basingstoke UK and I underwent a four hour interview with a Psychiatrist and two weeks later was sent a letter confirming that I have ASD level 1 and this explained why I was struggling I was 38 when diagnosed and then hit 40 two years ago and had a stroke like attack and was then diagnosed with MS ! Lucky me eh !!! 🥳👍

I love the illustration of the magnets! I'm going to use it. I hope you dont mind 17:44 whats waffling? 😅 Sorry

Lock down made me realise I could be autistic I was worn out as I worked through it and took my kids to school barely slept. Then I got to much responsibilities at work because " I could do it better" I snapped as I couldn't do it anymore I just ended up being the dogs body. 😔 I'm having my assesment on Thursday

Is it possible you would be able to say were you had your private diagnosis?

I started trying to get my adjustments 4 months ago and it's still not all sorted I'm being told to just cope as they are trying there best

Personally, I’d like a diagnosis because I’ve been dismissed so much in my life, I’d feel validated. lol, and I go off on tangents like yourself, it must annoy the hell out of those that know me

Having a problem cold calling is like having a problem acting in an amateur dramatic play...it calls for being someone we are not. It feels fake and dirty. It also feels like peeling away the protective mask but not to reveal our authentic persona but what's worse, made up behaviours. Your former boss sounds like a psychopathic bully who fully understood your problem, was fully aware of all the extras you gave to the company, but was only interest interested in getting kicks from bullying. It's a regular thing in the workplace for autistic adults, I think.

anybody cant sleep? figure out what dimension your sleeping in!