I am only 19 and of course I have TONS and TONS of growing to do but God has steered me COMPLETELY in the direction of adoption and I cannot ignore his calling. I personally want a female child because I want to be a very strong advocate for a child who needs just a strong maternal role. I personally am open to ANY gender I raised mainly all 6 of my siblings so I'm familiar with raising both. The Lord has all power in his hands for what is best fit for me. I know I want to start the process when I'm around 21-22 or even 23 or 24 whenever I know FOR A FACT I will be very stable. I also wanted to know that if I do adopt from foster care is it hard to build a bond with a child and is it hard to form a strong maternal love for that child. Mainly based off experiences or people you know?. I'm sort of curious, I know I'm going to take some sort of parenting classes.
What the Lord has for you is for you! And He may surprise you like He did me and bless you with a boy! Lol. And I’m glad he did, the best match for me (which I didn’t know at the time) It’s so awesome that you know you want to expand your family one day via adoption. It has been an amazing experience and the best decision I have ever made. I also knew at a younger age that I would adopt, but life delayed me...which landed me in the perfect season when it finally happened. Continue to trust in God and follow your calling, life will work out exactly how it should be. And when you start your process and if you have questions, you’re more than welcome to hit me up! To answer your question: With any relationship, it takes time to get to know and grow in love with someone, whether they be a child or an adult. So it is absolutely possible to bond and love a child adopted from the foster care system, I did! With that said there are children who have trust, abandonment and attachment issues and may have a more difficult time bonding and loving...but usually those extra needs are already identified by the social worker and the child’s foster parent before adoption, so that the family knows going in that adoption with that particular child, s/he may need extra time and support in their bonding.
Also, I’ve only encountered one child so far who has had difficulty bonding with anyone. He was a pre-teen who had suffered a lot of mental abuse and had multiple mental health diagnoses. So in the case of my own personal caseload, the majority of the children I have encountered have no trouble (over time) bonding with their foster/adoptive parent(s), as well as the parent(s) bonding with them.
You're going to be such an amazing mother. You seem to already love your children, however you dont even have them in your presence yet. I want to adopt 3 children in my early to mid 30's, I've always wanted to adopt but I had some reservations as A teen. I was diagnosed with PCOS and one of the symptoms is infertility, I took it as a sign that maybe adoption was the best for me. I will pray for you and your children.
I honestly felt this like it’s been on my mind for about a year and half and I’m also 19 and I set out a timeline with my partner and told her I wanna get married before we start the process and then 22-23 I wanna be half way through the process honestly I’m already living in my own apartment with my partner I wanna move and get a 2 bedroom I’ll be 20 by then everything basically has it’s time and place and I can’t wait and with the working part I think it’s best to work from home full time and if you want Info on that I’ll tell you but yeah I want to adopt from 6 months to 1 year old it’s all worth it and even how she said trust fund emergency fund I will have to get into that when my income isnt only just paying rent and FPL but it’s a process to start now then later your now focus is just getting your income and your place and build from there
I want to adopt but the fear i have is the stigma of being a single guy adopting a kid, ive alway wanted to have a girl you know daddies little princess
There are plenty of single dad fostering/adopting that I come across. They are held in high regards. I just helped one of my reoccurring foster-adopt parents get placed and adopt his 3rd child. Don’t miss out on the joys of parenthood worrying about what other people may or may not say. You only get to live once. If it’s in your heart, and you know it’s something you should do...do it.
Tephaney! That’s exactly my fear of adopting...the guilt. The loss of not being in a two parent home and adopting a child into that. Always a risk I could not get married. So I’m fostering until i overcome the fear or get married....although, i admire you and Kim
Another way to look at it is: you could get married, expand your family and heaven forbid separate or have your spouse pass away...morbid, I’m sorry. But there’s no guarantee that we won’t somehow end up being single parents. But prayers up that won’t happen to any of us. Even though I’m unmarried, becoming a parent was the absolute best decision I’ve ever made. And although Isaias doesn’t have a father (yet), he also didn’t have a mother until we were matched and I was able to bring him home. And 1 parent is better than none. Ugh! I’m not gonna cry as I write this...I think I’m extra emotional because today is his birthday and I’m just grateful that I’m able to call him my son. For me, the joy of being a mom far outweighs the guilt of not having a father figure for my little stink butt. Just something to think about. Hope you had a great weekend!
I felt guilty as a single parent and rushed into marriage so my young son and daughter could have a Daddy. It ruined their lives. He was a porn addict and feeling bad about himself, he took it out on my children. Be careful.
God created us as his masterpieces. If you are feeling a lack of ambition and motivation, just remember you are ALIVE for a reason, you really are! God loves you! You have a purpose here on this earth, you simply smiling to someone walking down the street can change that other persons entire day, and this is an extremely small example. This example doesn’t even compare to the greater things you can potentially have and or do. God has a lot for you’re life. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11. JESUS loves you and wants to help you. He can help you through all your difficulties and shortcomings. You can lean on Jesus to help you overcome life challenges. He will give you new and great desires. You can always talk to him ❤️ he stands at the door of your life and awaits for you to accept him in. You can simply start talking with the Lord at anytime. Here is something you can start off with “ Jesus please help me to have faith and help me with ...”
Thanks for this advice. I am 30 now and I have always desired to adopt two kids. I am a single mother of one beautiful girl and hope to be a mum of girls. I am hoping in a few years I'll be financially stable and get to adopt quick. I am not planning to marry so single mother by choice. So i know God will help me raise the bundle of joys.
I love you so much! You really helped me out. I’m a single parent and getting ready to adopt a beautiful baby girl. I don’t have biological kids but God blessed me with this one. Thank you so much again
Congrats on the baby girl!!!!! Truly, as adoptive parents, once we bond with our kids I don’t think we could love our babies more, even if they came out of our bodies. I’m actually a tad concern that if I have biological children one day, will I be able to love them as much as I love him.
I am at the stage of adopting a baby girl as well. Am glad am not the only one. I am fraught with fear of whether I am doing the right thing, and not for selfish needs. All I know is I have enough love in my heart to share and parent with a child. God help us in this journey
Great video, thanks! I am 24 years old and single and think about adoption/foster care. I'm not ready now, but trying to inform myself (and I can't count on a man being in my life LOL). Could you also do a video about the field of social work, specifically child welfare? I work in vocational rehabilitation now, primarily serving people with developmental and intellectual disabilities (usually other co-occurring disabilities/barriers as well), and I am thinking about going back to school for a social work degree. Thanks!
🤔 hmmm...let me see what I can conjure up. Maybe I can figure out a way to give a behind the scene look at my office, maybe have some of my coworkers give their input too? I’ll see what I can do. Thanks for the suggestion.
I loved all your advice. I was in foster care for sometime and I started my paperwork to become a foster parent myself. I’m trying to wait until I get my Masters. Being in the system I can’t see myself bringing any lover around my children. Thank you for this advice!
I love ❤️ this. Thank you 🙏🏾 for sharing your story and advice. I think it’s adorable that your son already knows he wants 2 brothers 1 sister and a daddy. I think eventually you will be able to give him all these things. You’re still young and I also hope you know your family is complete as is.
A social caller will call me within two weeks about my plans to adopt. I live alone in one bedroom flat, but I’ve been sleeping in my longue and having a clear out so my bedroom is slowly becoming available. I’ve wanted to do this for ages, but now I’ve started as I feel I’m at my healthiest.
Oh honey welcome to the club of raising a boy 🤦🏽♂️my mom and I are currently raising an 8 year old. An I have stepped in as the "other parent" sort of role and hunny I will tell you the STRESS is REAL! I have gotten whispers and glares and ugly looks because they think I'm his "mom". Even though I am the sister in his eyes I'm his other mommy. Ive kind of gotten use to it but in the beginning it's so annoying because he's such a gentle, and sweet child I'm afraid of ANY further negative exposure. He's experienced a lot in his little lifetime and he's extremely strong mentally but still 🙄 ppl are Aggy!
Thank you. I'm glad you were honest it really helped hearing from you. I'm a single man and that is why I started thinking about adopting, but I'm still young and not ready. I know that I want to be a father, having a family I can take care of is one of my dreams. I read the process is long and hard, so I hope I can end up happy like you.
Yes, to part 2 of advice because I need all the help I can get. I haven't been asked yet what I can and can't handle, but maybe that'll come up in the home study. Like you it's a hard no from me to fire starters, animal abuse, and major medical conditions, but I'm not sure what my other hard nos will be. Have a great Turkey Day no matter how you celebrate and thanks for another great video.
More like have a great “ham” day lol...idk how to cook a turkey and keep it moist, so HAM by default! You a turkey or a ham cooker...if applicable...? And I also said no to children who were diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder or had attachment issues.
Just finding your channel. I adopted my daughter in Los Angeles back in 2014. If you are in the Los Angeles area there is a single adoptive moms group that you can find on Meetup. I was one of the founding members. I moved to GA in 2016. But the group is a great opportunity to meet other single moms who have adopted. Just an FYI.
Thanks for the info, hopefully someone from the LA area will see it and check it out. I’m in Northern California...literally was just told about a similar group this past weekend!
Hi :) I love your video. I'm 24 and in the UK. I'm doing research with the hope to start the adoption process when I turn 27 as a single Mum. I wondered how old you are? My mum was a single mum to me not by choice, and she is I wouldn't say against it as she is the most supportive wonderful woman, however having being a single mum she doesn't want me to go through that regardless of age even late 30s. Do you feel 27 is too young? Ive got a degree, a good career, my own home and the only reason I'm waiting another few years is to live a few more young selfish years for me. It's such a big decision and every single adoptive mum I've come across has been mid to late 30s making me worry I'm getting ahead of myself. But I've worked as a full time nanny for 7 years so I know what I'm getting myself into, just worried the world is going to turn my age against me (now working as a full time engineer). This is such a long message, sorry haha. Thank you for the great video x
I originally considered adopting in my early twenties, however I wasn’t financially stable enough and if I’m honest with myself, I was still emotionally unhealthy from my childhood so if I had become a mother back then I would not have been nearly as good of a mother as I am now. I’m 34, I adopted my son when I was 31. It was the perfect time for me. I was emotionally healthy, financially stable, minimal debts, secure housing, a support system (3 really great local friends who were also parents and were willing to baby sit and give advice as needed) While I can understand people encouraging single adults not to adopt, truly no one knows if you’re able and capable but you. I was discouraged because of the stigma of being another black single mother, or because it would be “too hard”, or for other irrelevant reasons people create based on their own prejudices, insecurities or fears. Adoption isn’t meant for everyone. But for the right people it’s an amazing experience. And as a single mom, or just being a parent at all because I know 2 parent households that have the same struggles as single parent households...there will be bad days. You might have an unexpected expense, or you kid might work your last nerve, or may be sick and you have no idea what to do...and you’re pretty much alone at home by yourself during these times, and you can’t ask “the other parent” for money, or to come and give you a break or to comfort you and your child when sick. But it’s not impossible, and the good days far outweigh the bad days. And I would not change being a single adoptive parent for anything! It’s THE BEST decision I have ever made in my entire life. Perhaps your mom’s advice is based off of her parenting experience? If she had a predominately tough time making ends meet as a single parent, maybe she doesn’t want the same for you? And that is why she tells you not to adopt as a single adult? But as long as you’re stable and prepared beforehand, you can eliminate a lot of the financial stressors of parenthood. I’d say sit down, make a list. What age child will you adopt? Will you require child care, how much will that cost? How much to add your child to your health insurance each month? Diapers? Formula? Etc. sit down and write down what you think your expenses could be. Can you afford it? If yes, are you ready to make that child the center of your world? To make decisions that’s best for them even if it means you go without? Ready to lose a little freedom to come and go as you please? Because that was my biggest adjustment. I can’t just take a random vacation, because my kid has school. Or I can’t do a midnight drive to the store for a snack because it’s poor parenting to wake your baby up and have them outside in the night just because you want ice cream. It doesn’t matter your age. It doesn’t matter if you’re single or have a mate. It matters your maturity, dependability, security, selflessness and stability. If you know you have those things, you can navigate and handle being a single mother. And you will probably enjoy the experience.
Hi Tephaney! I really enjoy your videos because they are incredibly enlightening! I am currently pursuing my associates in social work and then I will go for my bachelors. I was just interested, what is the business that you are planning on creating?
I am currently certified thru a FFA here in Sacramento, I have yet to have a placement, but one thing I've come to find is the lack of support in terms of daycare do you have any advice or information on how we're able to get funding for daycare for foster children? And do you get any help once you do adopt?
Unfortunately, there is no daycare assistance after your adoption finalizes. However, depending on your income, you could qualify for you local county’s daycare subsidy program. But that has no influence or connection to foster-care/adoption, so I don’t know anything more about it. But something to look into if you may need it. But while you are fostering or adopting there is help. You will need to ask the child’s county/CPS social worker if they will submit a referral for daycare on your behalf. There can be waitlists. But foster children go to the top of them. Hope that makes sense.
Yes! Absolutely. Any one, no matter their marital status, dating preference, religion, race, etc. can adopt. You just have to be capable of mentally/emotionally and financially caring for the child you adopt.
If you’re asking if adoption is expensive...the cost depends on the route you take. I adopted from the US foster care system. Foster care adoption is free. There are associated costs to getting certified as a foster/adoptive parent though (background check fees, if your home needs a fire extinguisher, clothes/toys/ a bed for the child etc.) If you hire in a private domestic or international adoption, I’m told those are very expensive, in addition to the associated costs.
God created us as his masterpieces. If you are feeling a lack of ambition and motivation, just remember you are ALIVE for a reason, you really are! God loves you! You have a purpose here on this earth, you simply smiling to someone walking down the street can change that other persons entire day, and this is an extremely small example. This example doesn’t even compare to the greater things you can potentially have and or do. God has a lot for you’re life. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11. JESUS loves you and wants to help you. He can help you through all your difficulties and shortcomings. You can lean on Jesus to help you overcome life challenges. He will give you new and great desires. You can always talk to him ❤️ he stands at the door of your life and awaits for you to accept him in. You can simply start talking with the Lord at anytime. Here is something you can start off with “ Jesus please help me to have faith and help me with ...”
Thanks for your videos. I’m going to foster to adopt but don’t know how soon I can do it because I’m concerned about finances before starting the process. How must finances look to get approved?
You will need to show that you’re able to financially support yourself without the foster care stipend. You don’t need bountiful money in your bank accounts or to make a lot of money (or even have a job-there are foster/adopt parents who don’t work and/or whose only income is disability and they are approved)...you just need to be able to support yourself.
One more question. How long after the initial application is submitted did it take for them to let you know you’ve been approved to do the training? I decided to go ahead and do it and submitted an application. Now I’m waiting to hear back from DSS. I don’t even know if the home study is done before, during or after the training.
nicky21704 I completed orientation, submitted my packet a few days later. My FFA has dates for training already prescheduled so I chose the second earliest dates...that was about a month timeframe in total. After the classes I received additional paperwork. Submitted it the following week. A few days later I was contacted. Interview process started. I also started doing my background check and updating my house to meet code etc. at the same time my interviews were going on. Because of my childhood/history I had several interviews (uneventful lives usually have about 2-3). On my last interview I received an unofficial okay and was told my homestudy would be written and would take x amount of time to complete.
nicky21704 homestudy is completed after your interview and home assessment. I have seen cases where the interviews are completed before the training, due to training availability. But usually the preference is to complete training first and then interviews. Either way...training have to be done prior to the writing of the home study.
