He's so smart. He's one of the few who actually understands this aspect of the world we live in, and is correct. A lot of people believe all this crap that is not true and spread it around like butter.
I love Lundy Bancroft, because he wrote the book that changed everything about how I viewed my "mysterious," "sensitive," "deeply emotional" abuser. Every time I looked at him after reading "Why Does He Do That" all I could see was a child who lashed out and hit BECAUSE HE COULD and BECAUSE IT WORKED, if he wasn't given firm boundaries and consistent punishments. I decided to follow through on my threats, just like I would with a child, and I followed through, right on out of that relationship pretty quickly. Afterwards, I followed through to the point of calling the police when he tried to scare me into returning.
This video is just WOW. I’ll never forget when telling the court that I was concerned about my child’s safety bc the father would show up reeking of alcohol and the ACS social worker told me “What’s one or two beers”. And she said it in such a nonchalant manner.
I used that strategy about being the primary caregiver and argued that he’s never had 50% responsibility so why does he now get 50% of the kids time?!? I also asked to get a family psychological assessment done and when he realised that might expose him he basically said ok if I can get the extra days I want then you can have the final say on major decisions regarding health, education etc. I had argued that if we both had equal say he would have way too much power in my life. I never mentioned narcissism or disorders, just used the words difficult and antagonistic etc I’m in Australia, our family court system is just a sham. A royal commission was held and they recommended that the whole system be abolished 😮 it’s a joke
I feel for you, I'm in Australia as well and have escaped psychically but my ex has continued and just used the legal system beautifully.. he even claimed that he was the true primary parent and for his family to lie regarding this too. I nearly went from being the primary parent to having my child removed due to his child abuse allegations and his suggestions that I'm never parenting 😮
Absolutely so much of this expert analysis resonates. 17 years down the track my beautiful children are amazing and see their father for who really is. As a mother you have to bee so savy and work hard to recover from the crippling financial losses. Be careful to whom fathers your children.
My ex-husband told my children that he had nothing and was all alone without them. One daughter chose herself. The other chose to keep her father company most weekends instead of having a life. This would always continue until he got a girlfriend, then he'd disappear into that relationship for a while. Then, the new woman would have enough of it and move on and he'd be back into getting all of his validation from our children.
Yes my fathers son did this and was constantly emotionally abusing him and I. It’s disgusting how they do this. Had to exit myself with a restraining order but my son will have to make up his own mind as time goes by
Listening to this to validate what happened to me. 13 minutes in and it's 100% correct. I've been told ALL of these things from many professionals so far... and I'm now the one labeled as the controller when I call him out because he's picking more and more of the tiniest guidelines to disregard while agreeing to everything oh so nicely.
Heart felt radical factual information, a relief from the know courts system which does not protect children when men abuse women. The judiciary is complacent since the 1970s. Thank you for identifying the reality in this dynamic.
I'm in a HORRIBLE situation being ruined by the courts from whom I sought to protect me, and was DENIED laws to protect me from the whole gambit: prosecutor, victim advocates, and judges so that twice police saw fit to take him to jail, and yet the courts lied, promising protective orders (twice) and never did it, so police have no recourse. It's so disheartening that I could see if I didn't love life, I'd be suicidal.
My ex was totally emotionally abusive. He did everything that he wasn’t supposed to do in terms of talking bad about me in front of them. He would try to drag them into things of the past and have them choose sides. It was horrible. The family court system in the U.S is simply not set up to create a safe place to monitor this monstrous behavior. Any kind of complaint from the mother, is viewed as a way of alienating his children away from their father. There should be an entirety new system put into place. The current system is horrible if you are dealing with an abusive ex partner or husband. Thank goodness my children are grown now. I feel so sorry for women who are caught in this horrible place.
Family courts have no oversight. No matter how much training and laws are passed, the decision always comes down to the judges bias. Child's best interest rarely includes APA pediatric recommendations, CDC recommendations regarding dv and ipv,or ACE scores, instead its left up to the bias.
Speaking of the 1980s: Did you know that Elon Musk himself was one of these children big time for 11 years straight? He showed all the signs that Craig Childress describes and even went to live with the father out of pity. Now he broke all ties, calls him evil (criminal almost) and doesn’t let the grandkids meet him
I would explain it to my children as possibly a part of him who is intelligent, but grew up with possible injuries to his brain from concussions and playing with lead amd mercury as a child and his parents having been very young and hostile towards him when he was little as his mother admitted to me, one struggling (in our case) with having come out of the London bombings with nervous issues / disorders, one was abandoned by his father at three, and the other with two alcoholic parents and she addressed her anxiety and overwhelm with drinking, and I still emphasized why I liked them and their father, what I still like seeing of him in them, and how they are also related to so many extended family members from many generations and aunts and uncles and cousins who may or may not understand but who they may still feel close to or not and that they are out there too and we never know who or how we will connect later on. I know their dad may only act and he is very convincing but their great grandpa flew out to see his first wife when they were quite elderly and apologize to her for how he treated her during their young narriage when he was drinking, he physically abused her, so life is long even though we also cannot give them unfair expectations, especially with a sexual abuser, their dad is a sadist, he isn't going to change, they have to keep them and theirs safe first, and then choose, and life has many generations and experiences. Also, teaching them to feel their feelings and allow all of them, take time for them to process them all, until they feel confident in how they see things so they can still enjoy happy, innocent memories and also acknowledge and handle the whole truth, make sure they are aware of always choosing their safety first in their interactions and decisions and also to look at the bigger picture from outside of it and to also focus on their own path in life because as long as they are alive the more capable they are the better off they will be and the more likely they will get to a better place where they have more autonomy and opportunity to make the life they love with the people they choose in it, enjoying it as much as they can along the way, looking even at the bad as a learning experience because life is so rich. They also have more empathy and compassion for classmates because of what they have been through so they tend to be confided in. We also brainstorm solutions together for addresing issues and then they choose their version of solution to try. I don't ask too many questions about that. They will come and tell me if things have gone well or if they are still struggling and want to share. They are always meant to be respectful, and kind if possible. They also form and expect healthy relationships with classmates and deeper relationships with teachers. That gives them focus that isn't about coming from an abuser. I had great uncles who were scared to have relationships with their children because they were afraid of becoming like their father who sexually abused children, which affected their relationships, especially with their sons, as they were rigid with them, afraid also of who they would become, but by the time they had grandchildren they had overcome those fears and relaxed and enjoyed them, were so playful with them. It is sad they lost so much time and relationship with their own children, but it was right thinking if they had been that way inclined. I was supervised to the nth degree around their father. I told my children they are who they choose to be even if they have some feelings of being like their parents, good and bad. They should immediately acknowledge and address anything dark or negative in their mind because we all have inclinations and have to address them. I am not worried about my kids being the same as their dad because they do not have his personality disorder. I know a mum whose daughter has her father's and uncle's pd. It is not inherited. Her mind has been developed in an abusive family situation due to her milder dad. His brothers are criminal. He isn't, but his attitude and conduct affected her development in the particular stage of their marriage and the older child and younger one are fine. It was her age and stage when it was happening and her position or status in the family due to dad's issues. It's a type of neglect really, while everything else is addressed around them and they cannot get healthy, balanced, and positive attention. They may also become traumatized, sharply or more slowly.
Thank you again for this valuable insight. Is 10 hours per month „extensive unsupervised visits“ after four years of supervised since birth? I too experienced that the child wanting to see dad „carries a lot of weight“. Interestingly the judge literally said it would be a shame to burden this little child by not giving access to dad. Never ever did anyone say „no access“. But the judge‘s job is to evaluate reasons against unsupervised visits (yes or no). It is not their job to evaluate reasons FOR visits, because that’s a given anyway. In essence the judge waists time doing irrelevant stuff and ignoring what their real job is
This has been extremely valuable and supportive to me at this time. Thank you for hosting this. It helps validate my thinking while I'm going through my DV situation
If there is suspicion of abuse the child needs to be saved from it. Why aren't children being sent to a few different child psychiatrists or child psychologists??? However in the case of any type of abuse it should be allowed to be shown to the court system to get the child away from the abuser. We simply need to protect those that can't protect themselves!!!
Compassion to you. I hope you are experiencing some healing. It’s a long, long road. Remember the little ordinary, boring daily routines of life, I’m now realising that they are part of healthy living. The thing is, because the are boring etc, we feel uncomfortable because or body is set for high alert and danger.
I need an expert witness Idaho has none we need help my children are fully in the hands of the abuser because I brought up domestic violence in our divorce I've been totally separate from their lives I raised them alone their whole life it's ripped us all apart please help me
@@777Pattie Thank you so much for reading my seeing. And even taking a minute to hear it, God bless you. It's so hard. It's I still don't get to see them. And I have to figure out how I can get this back in front of they're so corrupt
@@AmyIngram-dv4ii so your husband abused you or the kid's or both? You told the courts about the abuse your husband has done & the court puts the kids in his custody & he's the abuser??? I would contact CPS & tell them what happened & the name of that judge. Tell them for your children's safety you want unexpected visits when your husband is home with them, if he's abused them in any way, for instance even neglecting them by not feeding them regularly. Praying for you & your children 🙏🏼💕.
@AmyIngram-dv4ii you're not alone--I too have had 2 abuser judges. I too have so much fear of trying to get it heard by the same courts, (criminal & civil), but have a glimmer of hope now that the Prosecutor and judge are being investigated by the FBI and a state-level internal affairs org. Search media for similar discontent being taken up with your court, even if not the same actors, so you may be heard by whomever is investigating. [WhatI intend to do] If there's none, contact a TV channel's news about your situation?
