Fear of rejection is probably a bigger cause of failure than ACTUAL rejection is... but that doesn't make it any easier to overcome. However, this video DOES. For more incredible INNER GAME tips check out my free course toddwinnergame...
For any guy out there trying to do this, I want to share my story: I saw a girl with a bday sash… I said happy birthday My line was then “where is your boyfriend” so she can let me know if she has one or let me off early… She said she didn’t have one. Told her I wanted to dance with her. She was cool with that. Fast forward, we’re happily married. Go get some!!
I started pretending (in my mind) that Todd is with me when I do approaches. Sounds silly but I do the same thing when practicing Muay Thai outside my gym. If I pretend my coach is watching I go harder and I don’t cheat myself.
I like the business analogy more. You are a business that can produce products and services. If something is not working, change the strategy to make it work. Like the youtube was dating website at first, but changed its business model to video hosting and look at it now, second most popular website.
See it's the embrassment that I'm more worried about. It's the embarrassment that comes with it. Also it's the yes because after the yes most of us have no idea what to say.
You’re going to feel embarassment strongly if you approach and make an advance in a social circle environment like work, gym and school. Otherwise you won’t feel that embarrassed in a cold approach scenario unless you make an absolute fool of yourself you won’t care assuming you realize that a girl turning down your approach is not a reflection of your value and it’s just how she perceived you in that moment.
I'd like to get better at decoupling this from my self-worth. That's the emotionally charged part of this. Sure, one "rejection" isn't going to dictate that but carrying that seemingly long history of "rejection" or not being seen - that's what I can't seem to shake.
Along with the embarrassing that comes with it, and the pointing that comes with it. Tod's never talks about the "if she rejected you, then I must reject you" attitude that many women have.
You have to love yourself, thats really the answer. If you really do, then you can detach from whatever the world believes about you. There is no other way because you are the ultimate judge, you really have the last Word.
@@matw1xJust came back from bootcamp I agree man. It’s super hard in the beginning though to believe it might be skill based and not just shit you can’t change about yourself. Some of the looks you get when you first start are fucking brutal bro and I’m above average in physique and style. Saw average dudes that were more skilled than me do way better
I've followed Todd's development and methodologies for years and it's helped me so much in some of the most important ways possible. Phobias turn to strengths and strengths build a better life. I appreciate you Todd and all that you do for us 😁🙏
My thing is: what can they even do? the worst that can happen is getting kicked out of the club, but you really have to deserve it. It's a mostly free world, so the girl can choose who she sleeps with. It'd be so messed up if she couldn't reject you. Every girl would have 100k body count.
you're an amazing teacher, Todd! I know you've done this for decades now, but your ability to break down a concept and give a step by step guide on how to tackle a problem is just incredible!
I’ve gone past rejection anxiety and I’ve had a few successes but the extreme amount of rejections makes it hard to keep going back. It can be a lil bruise to the ego if it happens 20 times in a row. Getting numbers and instagrams is easy but they just don’t reply back. Nowadays I only approach when I’m doing my tasks and walking around but I don’t walk around just to approach
@@matw1x I just try to have a regular conversation. What they're up to, are they from around the area and I try to steer it towards taking them to a cool area nearby. It can be hard figuring out why you aren't getting the success you want. Alot of times it's instant rejections.
no one outside yourself should control your ego. look into stoicism or getting CBT to you make sure that your self worth comes from yourself. you have no idea what anyone else is thinking so use positive reframing even to the point of being slightly delusional about it. even if she screams get lost in your face, it's because she is afraid of your awesomeness and you will smile wish her a good day and tell her you hope her mood improves in the future, by the way in the hundreds of people I have talked to that has only ever happened once and I am pretty sure I was not being delusional in thinking that one woman had mental issues. hell, make a game of it and try to get rejected as many times as possible in one night. you should be out enjoying yourself and inviting them to share your joy.
I've been doing cold approaches since 2015, and to be honest, I've always struggled a bit. However, over the years, I've still had more success than the average male! Moreover, I met my current girlfriend in 2020, someone I truly love and who fits my type perfectly, just after a 10-second conversation... And everything seemed to go wrong, according to my interactions standards! It turns out I may have had too high expectations for myself, or she simply liked my approach despite its flaws. So, guys, you know what you have to do💪🏼
Great video. I work in sales and am amazed at how many people avoid the approach in fear of a NO leaving so much on the table for others with confidence to swoop in.
I think for me (and maybe for others) is that I associate stress as a bad thing. I think due to my upbringing (dad specifically) some stress has always resulted in me shutting down rather than finding healthy to deal with it. For me now when it comes to approach anxiety (mind you it’s not perfect) I accept that I’m stressed and worried in the moment but still do it anyway. For eg. Whenever I have doubts (“no way she’ll like me” or “she has a boyfriend”) that’s a signal for me to carry on. The worry will NEVER go away so you have to treat it as if its like a permanent backpack but it’s weight will become less as you approach more through the day. Ofc we want to have the perfect approach but as Todd says (or implies rather) anything is better than nothing - so if you have crash and burn at beginning just remember it’s part of the process.
you might want to look into CBT or shadow work therapy for those deeper issues but as a stop gap for now remember stress is not a bad thing it serves a purpose. try taking a deep breath and acknowledging it by telling yourself you are feeling stressed and that is ok then since they are the same chemical you should reframe your anxiety as excitement instead.
Don't feel bad man! We all need help and tips because a lot of these things Todd and other dating coaches talk about is not obvious to most men because women's attraction and thought process for a partner is typically very different for them. And Todd said this in another one of his videos that when you approach a woman she doesn't know your history, that you needed to lookup dating videos or anything. All she will know is what you are conveying to her at that time. And if you're embarrassed about your age, some women actually like older guys and you have advantages a younger guy doesn't. Checkout Todd's how to date after 30 video if you haven't for more.
Hey Todd, love your videos and your content. Would be great if you could make also a video exploring rejections after you’ve actually had a good interaction with a girl, dates, kissing, etc. It’s easy to get over a rejection if the girl doesn’t know you and it was a short interaction, but I’d like to hear your philosophy on rejections once the girl actually does know you, you may have even kissed, had sex, etc. I think it could be very useful for everyone. Thanks man!
@@matw1x Yeah, or you can rejected from a job application 🤣 So what's your point? It's not a man made concept, it's a term used to describe a real event.
Ya this guy's pretty based. Good tips. I don't even like the word "rejection" as it carries a lot of negative connotation to it. I think a better way to reframe an interaction like that with a woman is just to say that there was no connection there or it just wasn't the right moment. The "rejection" could actually have nothing to do with you at all and the woman could be really into you but also really shy around strangers and feels awkward herself
I think it's very real the guy approaching could be at fault, but even then, it's not really anything personal because that individual can't be every girls type. Also, in many instances of "rejection", the guy has no way to know the real cause and instead injects all kinds of context into the interaction and thinks he can read her mind. I think these kinds of cognitive distortions are the problem
Ok, but where is that line where people seeing you getting rejected prevents you from further successes? If a woman dumps me in front of other women, I cant really approach them too. I would be better off to change into a different venue or setting. I mean I can approach, but I would immediately be coming as needy, wouldnt I? Would a woman be attracted if she knows Im coming to her only because the previous woman didnt find me attractive?
In my experiance rejection is a rejection, whether the girl says fk off or was nice talking to u, it hurt the same, its not the interaction that caused pain, its knowing that person doesnt want u
I've just been trying to work on approaches and find ways to work them into my life, since I have a weird schedule and lifestyle and can't like go full ham and go to bars every night, so this video came at a good point for me. Online dating has been dry, I think because the weather is getting better and girls don't want to sit inside on Hinge as much, so I've been taking that as a wake up call to focus on wiring approaches and getting over my fear of live game instead.
@@HopsinThaGoat Almost a little comforting to hear it's happening to other people ... I'm sure it'll turn around sooner or later. I managed like 7 dates before and although I was still putting a lot of time in, quite a bit more than now, sending like 30-100 hearts a day (this led to some issues like mindless hearts where I'd match with girls I didn't really want to, plus it just sucked to spend over an hour straight trying to hit a number, but it definitely worked to some extent), seems like the overall match rate is much lower for what it should be if I'm still spending quite a lot of time on the app, the few matches have been unforgiving, either unpleasant or just trail off after a few messages. Now my focus is improving the profile and first messages so I can improve the heart-to-match ratio especially during times like this, it really is dismal for what it was a little over 3 weeks ago. I do seriously think the weather getting good is a part of it. I guess shitty weather is better for online game, good weather is better for live game especially daygame, which makes perfect sense. I could hardly imagine doing cold approaches when it was like 20° out and everyone was shuffling around in 5 layers trying to get to the next indoor place as fast as possible. People in my city seem to get a lot friendlier in the summer too. I actually did an approach recently where I had expected it to be warmer but it got cold all of a sudden so I was shivering in my shorts and sandals talking to this girl lol, didn't help my state and probably didn't help me make an impression 🤣
I work with 3 females, 2 are in their 40's and the other one is around my age and attractive. I can talk to the one's in their 40's and tease them etc with no dramas but I get extreme brain fog if I ever try to make anything with the other female.
@@matw1xOn the one hand I agree and I'm not religious in that way, but I'm a rank beginner and I've already had a couple of rejections where I was glad it didn't go any further, lol. Had this really annoying passive aggressive one recently through online dating where the girl lectured me about not smiling enough, if we had gone out I feel like I might have ended up walking out on the date 🤣 I would have preferred it if she had just ghosted me. It's on me to be more selective. This and one other experience where there actually was a date have made me wonder about dating for intelligence. I think that generally really smart people have this weird split where they're either great or unbearable to be around.
That is not ghosting . Ghosting actually means the two of you were dealing with each other on a frequent basis. (without any label 🏷️)and all of a sudden one stopped contacting ,responding, went silent and never came back . A random girl /guy whom you approached once or exchanged messages online and now they don’t respond -that is not ghosting
Well, I don't think guys fear of being rejected as in that rejection is a permanent stain on them, but more of fear of that cringe moment that remains in your brain and decades later no matter how good you are in life, you look back at that moment, and it never get any beter, and I believe guys are more like "OMG now that moment will be my prepresentation in her mind for ever. "
I hope I had the looks of Todd. Then I would be more confident of approaching women I am unattractive So i get rejected more often than not. My confidence is very low
I have a freind who learned to turn rejection around and flip it on it's head. I've used it myself and it's pretty dope. When he approached a girl she automatically said, "Nope" before he even got one word out. He chuckled and said, "Well since you tossed me to the wind call the "friend zone" so quickly (he used air quotes), we should do one shot together as new friends before I set sail out into that sea of weirdos (pointing to the crowd and she laughed)...Freinds can share a shot ya know! (Smile)...Tequila (Pointing at her)...Right?" She said, "Actually, I prefer Vodka!" He said, "Right on!" and held his hand up for a high-5! She gave him the high-5. Holding up two fingers at the bartender, he said, "Two Shots of Tequila please!" She started laughing. They shared the shot and as he put his shot glass down, he looked at her and winked and said, "Well, my friend, That's MY favorite shot!" He turned away from her and started to walk off. She yelled at him, "Hey! Get back here!" as she grabbed his arm to turn hiim around and pull him back. When he was back by her side again, He said, "Well, It appears we made better freinds than you thought 2 minutes and 32.7 seconds ago!" By watching him, I've learned that it is possible to turn a rejection around.
Could you do an analysis of Kaka’s ex wife explaining why she left him. I really would like, and think it would be very beneficial for men to understand the mechanisms at play in women’s minds when it comes to good men and bad boys using this case study.
She's just lying. Kaka is very popular. Publicly humiliating him would reflect very poorly on her socially. There is something she isn't telling the public. It's not because he was "too good" for her.
The dead heart feels pleasure. The dead heart feels excitement. The dead heart builds rapport. A living heart has a relationship. That's what I dream off, if God repairs this dead heart of mine.
I feel more like I have a 'fear of it going well' and having to sustain the fire I brought in the first five minutes - interactions start off 'ignited' but tend to fizzle out over time, I suppose I'm the one allowing that to occur. I need to find amusement or excitement in the mid-game.
Hey Todd is it normal for most of my sets to not stay in the conversation & exit it by saying things like "am in hurry", "I gotta go" etc.? If not then what is my problem & how do I solve it? Also consider that I only do daygame that too only in metro stations because of my strict schedule.
I don't think it's rejection for me. I think it's more how common it is for the woman to try to frame the situation as if the guy is doing something wrong by showing interest. Anyone would tell you that guys are generally expected to initiate just about everything in the dating process yet women will still try to say that it's "creepy, weird, inappropriate, etc. etc." if a guy tries and she merely isn't interested. I've heard it from multiple women that I've known. When they talk about guys that tried to cold approach them, they always seem to have something negative to say but they never actually describe something "wrong" that the guy did other than try to talk to them. Or sometimes they'll say it's creepy if a guy even looks at them. Which is ridiculous. It's as if at some point in the recent past it became "creepy" for a man to be heterosexual and pursue his desires. Wtf. I'm not saying "all" women will respond that way but it just seems to be very common. That's the main thing that turns me away from cold approach. Plus I see attractive women pretty regularly when I'm out and about but I never see guys approaching them.
Idk if this makes sense to you but my personal take is that sometimes girls refer to a guy who cold approached them as "creepy" to disguise the fact she actually enjoyed the validation and ego boost of him doing it. I've seen girls do this but they are smiling while they say it which they wouldn't be doing if they were really that creeped out.
Hi I am in Latin partner dancing and am able to get dances with girls in social events. But I am just not able to take it beyond that stage to get a date. Pls advise me
In San Francisco its a brutal date scene. If you approach girls at clubs you better bring your A game or they'll just tell you to go away. Approaching them isn't hard, its what happens and what you say after that thats the the hard part.
You think SF is bad try living in Denver. In fact, Denver is nicknamed "MENver" because there's so many more dudes to women. Nightclubs, bar & grills, gyms, etc are like sausage fests. 😆 You see a lot of above-average looking, fit guys with unattractive, overweight women. It's a great city for your average looking woman because she'll have so many options. 🙄
Hey Todd, is it even worth approaching modern women nowadays because of the 3rd wave feminism and me too movement? Isn't it a bit risky? This is what many of us guys are afraid of I think. Could you please address this? Thank you, much respect from Sweden! /Bo
@@arcadehayabusu2295 Many modern women say that they are strong and independent now, and that they don't need a man. How do you even approach a masculine woman like that? Wasn't it easier 20 years ago? I think most women today just want our free attention.
@@matw1x I have 3 friends who got wrongfully accused of rape, one got sent to jail, she changed her story one time during the trial and they still believed her. If she wants to harm you, she can. I wouldn't put too much trust in NDA.
If a girl rejects me, I see it as a direct rejection of my being, the very core of who I am. I open myself to them, they see the depths of who I am, and say “no thanks”
Pardon this uncalled for rant: Rejection is denying someone's needs (for companionship). Being ignored is being denied your validity. Atheists for example reject the needs that God has for them. But they don't ignore Him, otherwise they would call themselves something like humanists or mudanists. Ironically, rejection validates someone's existence, while ignoring someone truly denies their existence. You can't ignore the truth for ever though, sooner or later reality will knock on your door and ask: What have you done with your life? What happend to your heart? Why did you forsake love?
Shit test: im not sleeping u tonight Me: Of course i was thinking about keeping u all night long. And (You shake her like youre trying to keep her all night long) AND have a smile on ur face while youre fping it.
You make it fun by replaying the same game by implementing higher difficulty and refining skillset on each point of an interaction. If you go into the game to find a gf or sex solely you'll end up burning up and disappointed.
Game is way more important than looks IRL, I get that you’re frustrated and having a hard time with it but don’t discount good advice, it’s a skill you can build, and it’s worth it.
Todd is the best ! I miss the videos from RSD FREE TOUR, I remember specifically one meet up - the 7 masters of the game, where there were all coaches from RSD - that was epic !
