Airline Workers Confess Their SINS 

We've done the workers, now the passengers. Tell us your worst and weirdest experiences on planes/ at airports. Keep 'em short and sweet and we'll make another video! REPLY HERE.

>Barge into restricted airspace >Nearly crash into 3 airplanes >Refuse to elaborate >Leaves

Reservation Airline worker here. Had a lady who was hysterical about where she was sitting on the plane. She swore that she needed to sit in the front of the plane in case the plane crashed. I responded without thinking, "Ma'am, if the plane crashes, it doesn't matter where you sit, those in the front just die first." She then realized how silly she sounded.

We need to get window washers confess their sins one day. The amount of things those people see while scaling buildings and looking into everyone's lives must be unreal.

This video has taught me that screaming obscenities at the baggage handlers in the claim area is NOT in vain, and does have the desired effect. Thank you.

As someone who has both been a guitarist, and also worked in airlines: if you care about your guitar, you carry it on the plane. Do not place it in baggage, not even with hard case.

I once caught a flight from Broome to Perth, and went to the pub for lunch about 6 hours before the flight, there was a bloke there who was absolutely sh*tfaced, who got cut off before I left. On boarding the plane, who do I see sitting in the middle seat next to my window seat- Drunky McGee. I think the flight was about 3 hours, and he spent the entire flight trying to get me to drink from his brown paper bag, which contained a full 1L bottle of Johnny Walker (red of course). I declined, and pretended to sleep with my hoodie up over my head. He spent 2 hours adjusting my hoodie and stroking my head, as if you would do when trying to comfort a sleeping child. Every 10-15 minutes he would gently shake me and ask if I wanted any whisky, which was well on the way to being fully drank. He refused to hand it over when asked to do so by the flight crew, so me and a few other passengers around him started accepting his offers, in the hopes of stopping him finishing the whole bottle. In all we probably drank half the bottle between 4 of us, so I was well and truly wrecked by the time we landed. He then refused to get off the plane... meaning that for about 20 minutes I was stuck on the plane with this bloke who was getting more and more argumentative with the all female staff. I could have climbed over the seat in front and left but I wanted to stay in case he got violent ( I kinda wanted an excuse to throttle him by this point). I left once the AFP arrived to arrest him. As a result of this, I missed my flight back to Brisbane, and had to stay overnight in Perth, on a Friday. Qantas also tried to tell me I wouldn't be entitled to accommodation or meals and I had to pay for my flight the next day as 'it was my fault I missed the flight, there was plenty of time for the connection'. I ended up speaking to the AFP, who verified my story and told off the customer service rep for not compensating me after I'd gone out of my way to ensure the safety of their own staff. The Manager ended up putting me up in an awesome hotel and said to charge whatever I wanted to the room. I'd have still rathered get home on time.

REX isn't only "budget airline" between capitals... it's also the actual backbone (and often only option) for regional Australia.

Got on a flight at Brisbane airport and everything was going fine apart from a heavy diesel smell. After half the plane was half-loaded, the captain comes on the speakers to say, "Unfortunately, we have an issue folks. Someone on the ground had a 'dyslexic oopsie' and loaded an extra 5 tonnes of fuel which will cause us to explode when we try to land... Doubt we all wanna die so we're all gonna have to get off the plane promptly." In the time it took to get another plane sorted over the next hour, 3 people sh*t their pants and 2 kids got kicked for being annoying. Gotta love Brisbane airport.

I was traveling from Sydney to Brunei and a guy a few rows behind me was just drinking bottle after bottle of Bundaberg Rum for about 3 hours. As we're preparing to land, the information video tells us that alcohol is prohibited there and old mate screams "Fuck!" and runs and locks himself in the toilet. The cabin crew spent the rest of the flight trying to coax him out. If he stayed in his seat, he would have heard that it was ok to bring in alcohol as long as it was for personal use. On the return flight, I saw a very drunk Aussie woman arguing with Brunei customs officers. She claimed that she wasn't drunk and then tried taking a swing at an officer. She got escorted away and I doubt she made her flight.

Well here is a story my grandpa told me about an aircraft carrier and deer So my grandpa told me a story of how he used to work on building the breaking systems on aircraft carrier, how they tested the breaking system was have sled in rails that was 30,000 pounds (13,607 Kg) and they would use two B52 engines to accelerate this sled to 500 mph (804 km/h). Now they started the test, all was fine and well until a deer came on the track. This just stood there as the sled came closer and closer. There were generals and their housewives who came to the test. All the housewives champaign in hand said "Run Deer RUN!". The deer was hit and all the housewives asked "Did the deer make IT!" As a red mist formed by the rails. The deer was hit with ~15M pounds of force, that is 27 starship engines of force. Once done with test they had to CHIESEL deer skin off of the sled In short that deer dead

flying from manila to sydney. got to the airport and found out my flight was delayed for three hours so i proceeded to go the airport lounge and get veerrrryyyy drunk. when we finally boarded we sat in taxi for at least 40 minutes and during this time no one was allowed to get up from their seats. i, after drinking probably half a bottle of red label (yuck), had to pee really badly. i was bawling my eyes out, snot smeared all over my face, incomprehensibly drunk, begging the air hostess to let me use the bathroom. she wouldnt let me, but was so polite and profusely apologised. at some point during the take off i ended up wetting myself a bit. as soon as the seatbelt sign came off, i bolted to the bathroom. not long after she came and gave me a pair of the business class pyjamas to change into so i wouldnt be sitting in my own urine for the rest of the flight. still have the pyjamas, theyre really comfy

Did FIFO for 5 years. Usually flew Qantas but had to fly Jetstar for one leg occasionally. They did the whole weigh your bag thing and my carry on was 200 grams overweight. I looked at the woman and expected her to be like it’s fine but she directed me in a stern voice as though I’d just confessed to drug smuggling to step out of line. So I stepped aside and she demanded I pay an extra $60 to which I replied “how about no?” And removed my thongs from the bag and put them in my jacket pocket. She said that wasn’t allowed. I replied “are seriously telling me I can’t have thongs in my pocket?” Sounding like I was on an episode of Seinfeld. Once on board I put my thongs back in my bag much to the delight of the other passengers.

First thing is I wanted to say it was great to be in a friendly jordies video! I absolutely loved your reaction To clarify a couple points: We were at an uncontrolled airport, they are very common smaller airports that are usually used for general aviation and some private jets depending on the airport. (A good chunk of pilots (including myself) start there training at these airports) and at these airports pilots are required to communicate to maintain separation, in short no tower. We all talk to each other to make sure the airspace is safe and we dont end up on the news. This story happened very early in my private pilot training when I had barely any feel for the aircraft. (Because I know some pilots will be curious we were on a left downwind for runway 13 about 800 feet past the threshold when this guy comes at us at a heading of ~ 340 which isnt even the right way to enter the pattern but who knows what he was thinking) After the incident me, my instructor, and the other pilots all filed an ASRS report along with some other paperwork. I never got an update. Now I dont like to be a bitter person but I will say the person in question who did this needed to be seriously examined by the FAA or a AME (Aviation Medical Examiner) the sheer level of incompetence was ridiculous and should be punished. Not saying he should get his license taken away or anything like that… but come on Anyway great stuff, keep up the awesome videos!

I met a UK NATO soldier that served in Bosnia on the plane and he told me war stories the whole flight. I hope that guy is doing well.

Got a few, but this is one of the worst. A few years ago I worked for for a baggage/ground handling company at the major airport in WA. On an unusually hot summer day, I was working in the baggage bay under the terminal, loading bags onto the baggage trolleys, when a sewage pipe that ran along the ceiling burst overhead, soaking about 50 passengers bags, and flooding the immediate area with fresh sewage. As the shift manager didn't want to delay the flight, we were told to take the trolley full of sh*t soaked bags & surf boards to the far end of the terminal out of passenger view and hose them off with the water from the toilet service truck, then send it out to be loaded. Being as it was 40 degrees that day, most of the sewage had started to dry before we could feebly attempt to rinse it off. The stench was unbearable, yet the bags still got loaded on the flight.

Thoughts and prayers to those airline workers, You didn't choose your job, your job chose you

I was on a domestic flight in the US when a man across the isle who distinctly resembled ned flanders began grunting, as I looked over i saw he was asleep with his head cracked all the way back, after about 30 seconds of moans and grunts in his sleep he projectile spewed at least 1 metres directly above him and the two people either side of him, chunks of vomit latched onto his ned flanders moustache, all whilst he remained completely unconscious

As a 15 year old lad I was a pretty big boy, and my English was near native level (I'm Dutch). On my way from Germany to Vermont through Amsterdam for a college Exchange program everything was fine. Then I touched down in the US. Not only did they take me out of the line to talk to me (I was a minor, without a guardian, this was illegal as all fuck), they then also put me back AFTER the last bus from the runway (it was a ways away from the terminal) had driven off. Me, unknowing idiot that I was, waited for a bus that wasn't coming. On my own. After like an hour, I decided I was gonna do it myself, and walked across the runway (as sneakily as I could manage, cause fuck knows what they'd do if they caught me sneaking across the runway). When there I spent the next hour figuring out where my bag was (the airport was DESERTED), without finding it. Eventually, after another half hour, my guardian, who had been looking for me at a deserted airport ran into me with my bags. Went to get Wendys, didn't talk about what had happened, I went to bed, and started my college exchange program without further issue. -1/10, wouldn't go to the US again.

Here are two of the worst two things that I was a part of when I worked at the airport. We needed to load a unalive person onto a flight, but the aircraft was an L1011 that had a cargo hold that required everything to be loaded into metal containers(cans). Unfortunately, the large cardboard box he was in was too long to fit in a can. The only option was to load it up high into the pet compartment near the tail. The ramp manager raised the belt loader up as far as it would go. After he rode the belt to the top, he told me to shift the box onto the belt. Because I was doing it by myself, the box wasn't lined up perfectly. As the box reached the top, he reached out to adjust the box. The corner of the box got caught on the doorway of the compartment, and the belt pushed the box sideways. He wasn't able to hold on, and the box fell about 15 feet to the tarmac. The box ripped open, and the gramps in a black body bag slumps out and onto the tarmac. The ramp manager ran down the moving belt to help me get father time back into his cardboard accommodations. That's when I looked up and realized that everyone who was waiting for the flight was watching. They all had looks of shock and horror. Yes, he was in a black bag, but it was very obvious what it was. The second story is in the comments because it might get shadow banned.

Rats have adorable as f*ck personalities and are delightfully smart but... like jesus, at least put a blanket on the seat so the rat isn't just directly shitting on it lmao, not everyone shares this love of rodents.

Not my proudest moment, I was originally taking a 6 hour flight from the east coast to Arizona. I usually have a drink or two so I can snooze on flights, and my plan was to get trashed so I didn't wake up for the full flight. At some point my flight was changed so that we switched planes somewhere about 2 hours (I think, its fuzzy) in, however my plan was going too well and I drunkenly forgot this detail. I woke up to staff dragging me across across the floor out of my seat, all them looked disgusted and shouting "Wake up sir!". Trying to walk straight to my next plane was a nightmare.

As someone who has recently flown out of Fiji, a dog on the runway is still entirely possible. Thats what i love about the place. What i didnt love was the dingus in the seat in front of me heading for the bathroom just as the pilot throttled up for take-off.

One time me and my family were on a long overnight plane trip and we were sitting in economy. Normally my dad gets a lot of points from his work trips so we can upgrade to business, especially for these overnight long flights, but not this time. This was enough for me to feel uncomfortable, I'm a light sleeper, it's basically impossible for me to sleep upright, but it all got so much worse when this family of three squeezed down the aisles. All three of them looked like they could be in an episode of 'My 600 Pound Life' and they had each booked 2 seats to accommodate their subsequent girth. Unluckily for me, while the two parents had taken up the 4 seats behind my family, their young adult child had the two seats in front of me, primarily sitting directly in the one in front of me. They could not fit between the rows of seats without their seat being reclined all the way back, which meant I had extremely little room the entire flight as I was sandwiched between parent and child, unable to recline my own seat. I don't know how the flight attendants allowed them to fly, I thought it was policy to not recline your chair during take-off and landing. The parents proceeded to demean my parents the entire flight for letting me and my sibling sit on the aisle (this was done to accommodate our tiny child bladders) while talking about how great the row of 4 that they had to the 2 of them was. I did not sleep on that flight.

Was flying to Las Vegas and was seated next to a older couple. Husband and wife in their late 60s early 70s. We chatted throughout the flight. Small talk really. As we were landing I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye. I looked over and the old women has her hand down her husbands pants and appears to be pleasuring him. They were too absorbed in what they were doing to notice me. So I just turned to look out the window and desperately tried to ignore what was happening.

for anybody wondering what a "tug" is, it's the little cars that you see ground-crew driving around pulling luggage carts with. they're also used for pulling planes to the gates, which is why they're called "tugs" - like tugboats, but for airplanes.

Oh man i've got a good one, I was just pissing about, flying my dinky lil cessna around dandenong when I hear over the radio "(callsign) this is melbourne centre, you've entered east sale restricted airspace, please turn around immediately" Now east sale is an air force base, and from memory it's where they do some of the fighter pilot training, I.e. wandering into their airspace is a big no-no. I also immediately recognised the callsign they said as belonging to one of the cessnas' the china eastern airline cadets train in. Now rather than said china eastern cadet responding "oops, shit sorry" and turning around, he responded on the radio to melbourne centre with: "No I'm not" There was a good 20 seconds of silence as the poor controller at melbourne centre tries to thinkof how the fuck you respond to that. Eventually he comes back "(callsign) you have entered east sales' airspace, turn around immediately" China eastern cadet once again: "no, no I am not in east sale, thank you" This back and forth went on for a little while, before unfortunately I ended up landing so I missed what happened eventually, so I don't know if he got intercepted, or if they just had some people waiting to give him a stern talking to at moorabbin. But that was the funniest thing i've ever experienced in the air, And also the reason I'll never fly on a china eastern plane

"... here's my support animal... a mosquito.... " 😂

The guitar incident is the exact reason airlines let you take guitars on as hand luggage now.

I work in vet med, and the horrifying eye-popped expression on the reenactment rat's face is actually a Happy Rat Thing.

I work in aviation and I once had the privilage/misfortune of working at Sydney Airport for a month. I met this old timer in the bag room of the international terminal who began telling about the good old days as all old timers do. He bragged about how much they got paid (which was over double what we get now), how bad the security was before 9/11, and how they used to dump soapy water on the bag room floor and do drifting competitions using the 4.5 ton tugs etc. Pretty tame stories by ramp old timer standards if I may admit. However, one story stuck out. He told me about the domestic drug trade that went on in those days in the very bag room we were in. From how they would meet the dealers to where they would drop off the drugs. He told me the whole chain of steps. He said everyone knew about the drug trade within the work place because it was just one of those things. I never asked if he was directly involved. He then told me Schapelle Corby's bag went through that same bag room after a conecting flight from Brisbane before Bali. No one said a word but it was the elephant in the room that someone had simply 'missed their bag'. He was adamant that she was innocent and 'we all knew it'. I looked up her flights later and he was right. Her bag would have gone through that bag room.

Can we get a cruise ship confessional?

There was this one time on a connecting flight from Costa Rica to Canada, I was seated across the aisle from a girl with her boyfriend. The girlfriend was green in the face about halfway through the flight, until she started passing out. Flight attendants and other passengers were helping her And moving her to the back of the airplane, they announced over the radio that they needed a doctor if there was one on the airplane. The woman had hit her head in a car accident before getting on the plane, and needed serious medical treatment. The entire time, her boyfriend slept For the entire duration of the flight until everyone got off and he was woken by the flight attendant

Almost none of these are airline workers' sins. These are airline workers confessing others' sins. I wanted to hear about the flight attendants pissing in the coffee or something...

When I was 11 we went to Queensland for a week and me being young I decided the night before the flight home I watched multiple episodes of air crash investigation. When we get on the plane the next morning we sat directly at the back of the plane where the exhaust is. You could smell the fuel being burnt and me thinking about the show I watched the night before I yelled out WERE ALL GONNA DIE. You could see others physically grab their arm rest and panic. Best thing I’ve ever done

I’m obviously the cunt here but when my family and I were flying to and from our holiday to the Gold Coast every time my 3 year old nephew or 1 year old niece started crying I’d say a little too loud “can someone shut that baby up”

Aircraft engineer here, i work on private jets. We had a private jet rock up for a big maintenance check. Based out of indonesia, but registered in a small island nation. (Cheaper, apparently) Anyway the jet was in and i was stripping the interior out so we could access the fuselage structure behind the walls. As i took the couch out, there was a p*nis pump under the seat, and the arm rest was stuck in place by some unnamed sticky substance that had since solidified. The funny part is that once we were reassembling the aircraft, we had to put the pump back under the couch.... albeit, in a biohazard bag.

my dad always tells this story about a flight leaving London on phillipine airlines in the 90s where the seal around the door of the plane was busted and their solution was to put tea towels around the edge of the door. on the same flight a man died after continually telling flight staff he was sick. after he died the staff laid him out over two seats and covered him with a blanket.

Was on an overnight flight from America back to Melbourne, we were about halfway through the flight and almost everyone was asleep. The man next to me then stood up and began sleepwalking. He casually turned away from me, unzipped his pants and unloaded a full load of piss on a sleeping passenger. He then sat back down and continued sleeping until being woken by a very angry piss covered man. He had taken Stilnox to get to sleep and had no memory of what he did.

I was on a return flight from Amsterdam to Manchester UK, and the group of rowdy english lads who had flown in with me were back, except one of their group wasn't on the plane. Turns out they had let him go after some kind of argument in the city, and were expecting to meet him back in the terminal, but he didn't show up. He probably wandered off extremely drunk and/or high (literally the only reason they went there). After his friends tried and failed to contact him, they phoned the guy's mum to explain the situation. But the plane couldn't wait and we all took off without him. Still wonder what happened to that guy.

My dad told me this story about his friend back in military flight school. I don’t know exactly how it works, but there are these codes people need to memorize when they enter a different state airspace in the USA. My dads friend was supposed to memorize the codes, and he did, but somewhere along the way he got lost because he forgot to broadcast one of the codes. So the instructor asks him “Do you know where we are?” Over the radio to communicate with people inside the plane. And my dads friend said “Sir, I have no fucking clue where I am.” Except he accidentally said that on the open radio so everyone, including air traffic control, could hear him. It’s apparently against the rule to curse on that channel so air traffic control instantly broadcasts “Sir, identify yourself!” Because they don’t actually know who said it. So the instructor tells air traffic control “He said he was fucking lost, not fucking stupid.” After the instructor took them back to base.

A mid-week Jordies upload. Best Christmas present ever ❤

best experience ive ever had flying was during fifo. miners get on and off planes like a fucking dream and they're usually dead silent because everyones too fucking tired and miserable to do anything. plus my flights home had like, a dozen people on em so I got the entire row to lie down and nap, shit was mint

"What profession doesn't involve shit?" I was about to say mine, but then I remembered one. I was in the US Airforce as vehicle mechanic deployed to Afghanistan to work with Explosive Ordnance Disposal (EOD). I was their maintenance contract liason, and they had a MRAP that was blown up the rotation before ours. After spending months trying to get towed back to our base, it finally arrived. It was stripped of everything, and the entire back end was filled with WAG bags. Some of them had broken open when people threw their garbage into it, spilling shit and gelled piss everywhere.

I work in airline freight. We deal with dogs and cats regularly. One day we have three cats from one owner flying together in three cages. We send them out to the ground crew to load them on the plane. For precisely no reason whatsoever they decide they only want to load two of them. They don't call us, and an hour after the plane left they drop one cat at our gate. Being a rural airport there wasnt another flight out for another 8 hours.

i used to work cleaning planes overnight for a major US airline for about a year and the amount of stuff people leave behind on planes is wild. our policy was "if it's under $50 value, finder's keepers", which means that basically only lost ipads and phones went into the lost & found pile. rip to the guy who left his library book behind, it's mine now. lost phones and ipads would happen about once a month. by far the most common items left behind were pens. i have a little bucket that is entirely full of pens and phone styluses that i pulled out of seat-back pockets on airplanes. i haven't had to buy a pen in 10 years because of that job. people sticking trash in the seat-back pocket is also extremely common - empty in-flight drink cups, napkins, pistachio or sunflower seed shells, GUM. hey, guys? don't stick chewed-up gum in the airplane's back-seat pocket. i can't believe this even needs to be said. cleaning gum out of the seat-back pocket is a fucking pain in the ass. i'd almost rather you stick it on the wall because at least that's easy to clean off. my weirdest/most notable finds were: 1) a complete set of press-on nails that somebody had peeled off and left on the seat. found on three separate occasions, so this is surprisingly common. 2) a little lego bee man. not that weird, but it was cute. 3) a pair of khaki shorts and sunglasses. the shorts were not folded, they looked like someone had stood up on the seat, dropped their shorts, and stepped out of them. the sunglasses were neatly folded on top of them. 4) a full barf bag left in the seat-back pocket. 🤢for the love of god please call the flight attendant over to trash this for you, don't do this, don't leave this for the cleaning crew to deal with. surprisingly only happened once and i'm extremely thankful for that. that job was a real eye-opener about the fact that nobody realizes people have to climb onto the plane and clean up after you once you're gone. it also taught me to never stick anything into a seat-back pocket - you _will_ forget about it while you're getting ready to walk off the plane.

who else is not surprised bruz has connections with the Alameddine crime family

I feel so bad for airline staff and other service jobs, having to deal with the kind of crap like in the last story. Humans are pretty gross

I was on a flight from Perth the port Hedland, the person in front of me kept standing up walking and coughing. He sat down and I was watching some movie on my phone with noise cancelling earphone and this slob (singlets, old tucker looking thing) farted so loud I not only heard it but copped it to the face. It happened again, I saw him raise his leg and crack one. Thank god I was wearing a face mask. I felt violated.

Back in the late 80's heading up to North of WA, I happened to be upfront in the jump-seat (back in the days when you could for different reasons) watching the pilots and some lights were activated, which seemed to get the pilot in a tiz and both started rapidly going through checklists and reviewing other controls rapidly, etc... in the end he looked at the co-pilot and banged a few times on the control/lighting panel and the light went out. It was just the light indicating "engine failure, emergency warning... return to ground" 😅. They did file a 'maintenance' report. Later on, same plane when on the ground at a stop-over and about to taxi off (I was in jumpseat again)... and ground crew called up "shut down engines, shut down!". It's ok, it was the "other" engine (not the one with the dodgy light) just throwing some flames out the back and upon restart all was fine. Another 'maintenance' report was lodged. 👍

I was on a graduation trip with my mom in Greece. It was a night flight going from Heraklion, Crete to Athens. The next day we were flying home to the US from Athens. Once we got passed security, we were in a hangar stuffed with people. Like mosh pit at a concert stuffed. My mom had insisted we did not have dinner until we were at the airport, and the only food was one Greek cafe. For the entire hangar. Our flight got delayed an hour. When we were finally bused to our plane, there was a sign in multiple languages that said that certain numbers entered from the front and others from the back. Of course, when I was headed to my seat, I was traffic jammed by someone who was seated behind me. After the plane landed in Athens, the flight attendants made no action to direct the exit of a bunch of upset anxious tired people. We were smushed against each other in an aisle. A woman tried to knock over my mother while saying in Greek that she had another flight. While I doubt that, even if she did have a connection, we were getting off the plane to wait to get on a bus. The order we got off did not matter. The bus was also stuffed full of people wanting to go home, again with no interference from anyone working there. We decided later that Aegean airlines was the worst airline we had ever been on. Always at least 30 minutes late. Food options way to limited for size of hangar. Staff untrained in crowd control. The day after this happened we had to sprint to our flight in the airport in Germany because our Athens flight was of course delayed. They also lost our luggage in the process.

As a resident of Darwin for almost a decade now I can safely say that probably was our chief minister/front bench.

The only bad part of these timeless vids is how short they are

Do drug dealers horror stories.

Now I’m reminded of a story my dad likes to tell. He trained to be a naval aviator back in the the 70s or 80s. During one of his first solo flights, he was radioed the tower for permission to land, which was granted. While he was starting to descend, he started listening to the other chatter on that frequency. That’s what he heard what sounded like the tower giving landing clearance to another plane, so he radioed again for confirmation. There was a short pause, and then the air controller screamed “PULL UP PULL UP PULL UP!” Turns out my dad and a much larger plane were right on top of each other, and arranged in such a way that neither one could see the other, and the ATC hadn’t realized they had waved down both at the same time. Fortunately, they narrowly managed to avoid a complete disaster.

Once watched the air crash investigation tv show episode about Qantas flight 32 before a flight from London back to Sydney. You wouldnt believe my luck when I turned up at the airport, realised the aircraft I was taking was VH-OQA, the aircraft that had it's engine explode all over the place in the episode, but once I was inside, also heard the voice of the bloody pilot who captained it on QF32. Mentioned he had "quite a history with this aircraft". Met him, very good guy. Knob aircraft though

When I was around 11 years old I got on a flight from doha to sri lanka. Shortly after we had taken off a young woman comes up to me and asks me if she can move her grandfather over to my isle, as I was sitting at the edge of the middle row and there were free seats next to me that would be more comfortable. I let her move her grandfather and within several minutes, it is easily apparent that something was mentally wrong with the man. He decided to stretch out across the seats and lay his head on my lap. I called a flight attendant to help. One would think that was the end of the story, but it gets worse. After several hours of peace, I notice this man removing all his clothing from the lower part of his body, with him just sitting bare ass in the seat. Turns put he had pissed and shit his pants and felt uncomfortable wearing them so he decided to remove them. The flight attendant was horrified and moved me and my things to a different seat. The attendant tried to find his granddaughter but they couldn't find her. She probably was hiding out of shame.

That fishing shirt story is the most Australian, Australian to ever Australian.

I can relate to the guitar guy. I had a similar experience when I worked for an airline as a ramp agent a while back. We were putting bags on the conveyor to go up to baggage claim and everything was normal until this black plastic gun case came open (travelling with a gun was fine so long as it was in checked baggage) the gun, IIRC it was a lever action rifle clatters to the ground amid a torrent of ammo. We grabbed the gun and as much ammo as we could find and jammed it back into the case and shut it was well as possible and sent it on its way.

Was boarding a Qantas flight from Sydney to Tokyo and had booked the emergency exit seat as usual because I need the leg-room. I found that there was a massive protruding part of the wall between the exit and the front of my seat that squished my legs to the side at a 60 degree angle. I had crippling anxiety, so I made my peace with having lower back pain and decided to just get up and stretch frequently. In the two seats next to me were the loudest posh eastern suburbs middle-aged women I had ever experienced and they yammered on with zero volume control for the entire ten-hour flight. It was 2018 and I was the only person in that area wearing a mask (due to health issues) and people openly coughed and sneezed. Afterwards, I was not only sore, but came down with a horrible virus while staying at my friend’s house, almost passed out at Disneyland, found myself in the mini hospital in there, and ultimately had to be sent to their Auntie’s house (a nurse on leave) to be cared for. For the next few days I only woke up once or twice every 24 hours to eat and then immediately fall asleep again. Fun times.

I have a story from my Aunt's husband. He's a loading officer or something for military aircraft. I once asked him what do you do on long missions if you have to shit? And he had a veeery funny story. Basically: Someone had to take a shit, and for decency and privacy reasons he didnt turn the lights on. He crouched over a hole in the back of the plane after putting a bag in the hole to store the excrement, as was common, pulled his suit down to his knees, and did his bussiness. After that, He pulled up his suit and went to the front of the plane. The other soldiers in the plane then all got disgusted by a terrible smell. They asked him why he smelled like shit. Turns out, his suit flopped over the hole he was crouching on, and he shat not his pants, BUT HIS *BACK* He had shit all over his back, and was horrified. The reason I found out about this was I asked because I read about something vaugely like it in a book.

I was on a flight last week, sitting in the back row, (shoutout China Airlines Flight 140) with both toilets free and seatbelt sign turned off, when a parent changed their infant's HEAVILY soiled nappy in the row in front of me... I was polite enough to make it to the toilet before emptying my stomach contents from the smell. Cheers mate...

I once got a late nigh flight, and in the airport while we were waiting to board I saw this young woman, early 20 or something, reading a book and breathing heavily whilst in a reclined position. At first I thought that she might have breathing difficulty, but soon realized that the heavy breathing was caused because she was turned on. The book she was reading was 50 Shades of Grey as I later found out as the deceptive cover fell off revealing the real title of the book.

I was waiting in an airport and my flight was delayed for about 4 hours and we all waited in the terminal to afraid to leave in case it arrived and then some kid in a fortnite t shirt started recording for what i can only assume was a personal vlog or youtube, security asked him to stop and then he shouted ''NAH DIS IS TERRIBLE IM RECORDING THIS SO I CAN WATCH IT LATER'' Security eventually manages to convince the kid to stop and the plane arrives 30 minutes later and everything is normal but then the kid was at the hotel and annoyed the absolute fck out of everyone 2/10 holiday wouldnt do that again.

Airline passenger here. When I was a kid (probably about 12), my family and I were flying back from a holiday in the US. My dad and I were sat together, while my mum and sister were sat a few rows back. The flight attendant working our half of the plane was overtly gay, and took a liking to my dad during the flight. He spent a fair amount of time flirting with my dad and ignoring the rest of the plane, much to both of our discomfort at the time. Eventually he started bringing my dad gifts, including food, alcohol, and the pajamas from the first class section. Still have those pajamas to this day, over a decade later. It's always a good laugh when dad sees them. 10/10, best service i've received on a flight to date.

Is Allan Joyce going to confess how whilst i was flying from Rockhampton to Melbourne, just before i landed in Sydney, to jump on the Melbourne flight, Allan Joyce shut the Qantas airline down... What a great guy. I spent all night in a Sydney Hotel/motel, throwing up from withdrawing from my medication. The next morning caught a taxi to the airport, continued spewing in the Qantas lounge until my flight. As soon as flight took off, i spent the entire flight in the toilet vomiting. Went back to my seat for landing. Spewed on way to my lift, spewed all the way home. Needless to say, if i ever see Mr Joyce, I will certainly be forcing myself to spew on his shoes. What a great guy he was. (100% true, no embellishments, worst 36 hours of my life)

You should do "Security Guards Confess their Sins". That is a field that likely has so many stories.

"What kind of person needs a rodent to help them get through the day?" ... well I love my rattos

When I was a kid we'd just boarded a plane to head to Texas when we learned there would be a delay. Across the way I could see a big jet with an american flag on it, apparently belonging to the president. Proceeded to wait an hour for that plane to leave first. Thanks Obama.

300 feet is just under 100 meters, pretty close, really.

Airlines always take great pains to make sure I am sitting next to the fattest person on the flight, and sometimes the second fattest on the other side of me..

Animals that kill more Australians than rats. 1. Horses. 2. Mozzies*. I can't afford to feed a horse as my support animal, but think I can afford the blood for a mozzie. How many seats would I need to buy on C*ntas flight for my horse? * Maybe not Aussies, but world-wide, definitely.

"What has killed more humans than a rat?" An emotional support mosquito

Was on a plane from Newcastle Airport to Brisbane and I swear to this day one of the engines stoped working as it made a huuuge grinding noise and then fell silent. Nobody else apart from my sister and my mum was concerned. I have flown frequently and have never heard an engine make that noise…

I was living in the UK at the time and booked a Ryanair flight from Liverpool to Amsterdam for the weekend. Now, it’s pretty common in British airports (particularly in the North) to try and get as shitfaced as possible before your flight, even if it’s six in the morning. It’s only around an hour to get to Amsterdam from Liverpool but as soon as the seatbelt sign went off, there was a massive queue for the toilets. By the time we had landed (with the seatbelt signs back on as we taxied to the terminal) there were guys sculling their drinks to finish them off and girls screaming that they were going to piss themselves if they didn’t get off the plane soon. Just as the seatbelt sign went off, a guy in the window seat across from me asked his mate if he wanted to finish off his half cup of wine. In one motion he grabbed his mates plastic cup, necked his drink and after a moment’s hesitation, spat it all over the back of the seat in front of him. Turns out window seat guy couldn’t be bothered lining up for the toilet, so quietly pissed into his empty wine cup before offering it to his mate at the end of the flight. I got to enjoy all of this before 8am.

Rats are intelligent like dogs and can learn tricks and be very effective ESA’s. I have 5 pet rats and I plan to be a rat foster next year.

Mosquitoes have probably killed more than rats tbf. Though the concept of an emotional support mosquito is horrifying.

I work at an airport and one of the biggest problems with Rex is that they don’t want to pay for using regional airports that are fully screened airports. They prefer to only use regional ports that allow them not to be screened meaning anyone can have anything on the plane. We briefly had them unscreened and the decline in weapons and prohibited items ceased was huge. Quite scary tbh

Mosquitoes, that's what, lmao. Malaria is no joke

The rat is rediculous since rats are known to be pottytrainable

I personally haven't done anything too crazy while flying, but two of my buddies were in aircrew school (basically learning how to take pictures of things from the air) when they were flying on a training mission. A Lear Jet (basically a private jet that rich people have) flew directly towards them and got so close they were able to identify that the pilot was a woman. I was convinced that a Lear Jet pilot would run me over for months(I worked as a flightline marshaller)

Went on a flight from Melbourne to Busselton last year, flight got delayed for 2 hours after everyone had already boarded. Once we got the all clear to take off all the passengers started clapping and cheering... little did we know we would have to sit on the run way for another hour before being told the flight was cancelled. Had to stand in line for 4 hours to book another flight. Ended up getting a flight from Melbourne to Perth with a connecting bus, not a single staff member at Perth air port knew about the bus that was meant to be picking us up. 10/10 Would fly Jetstar again. PS, They gave us a $10 voucher that only bought the most pathetically sized packet of Pringles I've ever seen.

How convenient I’m in a Jetstar flight waiting to take off while watching this, beauty

Im a fifo worker with a side hustle. Im employed to pretty much attempt to smuggle shit into the airport. I usually do 2 or 3 shifts a week between 4 terminals Ill be given carry on bags, have things on my person etc. And attempt to go through security. One month the security team had a higher failure rate then passing rate. I think the fail percentage was about 64% for this month. And im not talking having 'drugs', sometimes the carry on will have components to be used to make ieds (improvised explosive device) or other items like weapons. When I found that out, if terrorists ever decide to blow up a plane through an airport, they could easily do it. Absolutely scary stuff and i take 20-30 planes a year.

Rats are good when there is a cost of living crisis, they’re like tiny humans!

Flying KL to Delhi in the early 2000's. Plane fills with Indians going home. Old man brings a massive tied up box on board (Malaysian Airlines). Cabin staff try to stop him to no avail as there was too much other chaos going on. He proceeds to sit on it in the aisle the whole flight. As we are just about to land, an adolescent boy sitting between his parents unbuckles his seat belt jumps up and double fist pumps as the wheels hit. Dad was beaming with pride. The look on the cabin staffs faces as we left the plane.... One of the best flights of my life.

caught a domestic flight from Sydney to Tasmania once and the woman sitting next to me sprayed her perfume in my face. long story short, I am highly allergic to lavender... it was lavender perfume. I started to go into anaphylactic shock but because the cabin crew had already closed the doors and we had just started to taxi, I was not allowed off the plane. the airline didn't have an EpiPen on board in their first aid kit, so I had to borrow one from a child 5 rows in front of me. The lady with the perfume didn't even apologise to me and the only thing the airline offered me was a free packet of chips.

Scary thing about Near collision events is that they are increasingly common, especially on approach to land,

Flying from Dubai to Brisbane, 14hr+ flight and takes off at 8am. Had three coffees and half a pack of ciggies for breakfast, consequently I gambled on a fart and the devil won. Was cleaning up in the bathroom and the plane started to taxi, made it back to my seat about 30 seconds before takeoff. Then my seat in economy's table was broken so they moved me to business class so it wasn't all bad.

1:18 mosquitos and fleas

also yes. i swear to god at least 1/3rd of darwin's population is constantly just wandering around in the most shittily designed fishing shirts you've ever seen in your life.

On my way back from Bali to Darwin we were briefly detained by Indonesian customs for having a minigun in our bags. It was a Nerf minigun. After they took it out of the bag, one of the customs officers pretended to fire it in the airport and got a real laugh out of it.

Having had pet rats (domesticated and wild are *vastly* different, fyi - domesticated are nicer than mice tbh), ouch :'( Though I agree they shouldn't be airplane support animals. Also, 300ft is just over 90m, which doesn't sound so bad outside the fact it's a plane, which moves *very* fast. God damn that's close.

As someone who is about to start working in my local airport, this makes me much more secure about my new job

5:50 Michael Phelps did it!

When I was 12 ish, one time, on a flight from Sydney to Tokyo on one of those double-story planes with a massive forehead, me and my brother got bored of fighting each other, and he went to sleep, and I was hungry. I went to the food place at the back of the plane and asked for Pringles and they said I had to pay. So then I walked into first class and asked and they gave them to me. Suddenly two flight attendants rundown the plane through the curtains. Then one flight attendant came back so in the cayos I asked for Pringles, they ignored me so I tapped one woman's shoulder and asked. At that point the person at the back of the plane who tried to get me to pay, then tried to kick me out got the first class Aria but was quickly pushed along by other flight attendance. The Lady turned around and said take as much as you want. turned out someone passed away on the plane and the flight attendants were planning to move them into fist class. RIP whoever dead but on the up side I got all the Pringles tubes i could stuff in my jumper for free. Later on, I tried to get more and the same guy tried to get me to pay, so I hid in the toilet. Came out five minutes later, they were dragging the guy to first class and one of the lady flight attendant said “ why tf is the kid still here!” so I grabbed to move thing of Pringles and sprinted back to my seat.

300 feet is about 100 metres. Which is a long way to yeet a javelin, but when you're in an aircraft doing like 140 -150mph, it's too fucking close.

I’ve never been on an aeroplane before but they look like so much fun! I want to fly so badly, I don’t even care about the increased levels of radiation that I’d be exposed to. No one even uses the jumpseat/s most of the time so I could just sit there quietly and it wouldn’t disturb anyone. Sometimes I listen to Perth ATC for fun. Can you bring a Geiger counter on a plane btw? I just wanna see what it gets to and I’ll remember to turn the sound off so it won’t be a repeat of my last X-ray

5:25 guitar strumming sounds* "United breaks guitars"

Lax security at newzealand in the 90's. . . meh, I worked at an airport in Tasmania, was a trainee and running a one man show doing check in, ground control, and baggage handling. They had got rid of security because it cost too much. My confession: after a regular flying politician was rude one too many times because I wasn't on par with the goldenwing competitor; I tagged his bag to Melbourne then sent him on his merry way to Mildura