AITA for bailing on anniversary plans with my boyfriend last minute for a friend’s emergency? 

She said she cancelled on him maybe a handful of times....within a year? That's too much! He definately had that planned. Naivety thy name is OP! 😆

What people are totally not taking into account is that this girl is 20 years old. I am going to make a sweeping generalization. I have a 20 year old and several nephews and nieces of a similar age, and THIS IS HOW THEY ARE!! This is their drama. It's infuriating how they can be. Sigh. . . .

If he is an alcoholic, he should be calling his sponsor, HIS SPONSOR. That is what AA is for. And you are lying to yourself. If you think the alcoholic friend does not have an ulterior motive, you are so lying to yourself. You are not responsible for the friend. But, if you ever want a relationship with a boyfriend, you need to prioritise him. Take your brother, to talk to friend. Your brother will not put up with his bs.

Anyone else get the feeling the best friend purposely ruined the plans…bet he has ruined many of her relationships to keep her close over some toxic attachment to op.

Here's the thing. Your friend knew it was your anniversary. If you're so close to this man that you know his business, he probably knows your business. He got the attention away from your person that you're supposed to love and support and be number one in your life. And got hit the attention put on him. Now I have to listen to the updates to see if I can edit and add more LOL I always do that Edit: People have to consider that friends when you're young is an important part of your life. And she's what 20 years old? She's very naive and Young and this guy is toxicity and he got in your boyfriend's face and you want your boyfriend just to stick around because it would escalate further to violence. Drunk people are violent. Both verbally and physically. I don't blame the boyfriend. This young girl needs to learn to that people that don't respect boundaries. And relationships have an instant boundary thing, then you need to not be there friends. And if your friend group doesn't realize that this intoxicated bozo is bad for the group then you need to find a new group of friends.

I've been in a similar situation, except I would choose the BF over the friend and the friend would call me a b**** because I wanted to spend time with the BF. Thankfully after way too long I blocked him.

I'm a feminine nonbinary person, and one of my best friends is a married man. If I EVER pull him away from his wife on an important date/during an important time, his wife needs to kick my ass (to be clear, I would not do that, at least not on purpose, just saying that that's what I'd deserve.). And if I ever find out that he ditched me for something like that without telling me that that's what happened, I will kick HIS ass. His wife deserves more respect than that, and she would even if they weren't married. So, as someone who could possibly be compared to OP's "friend," YTA, big time. RESPECT YOUR PARTNER, and I really hate that we have to say that.

Definitely the AH! As someone who's been through the whole "he's just a friend" thing, i guarantee there was more instances that led up to this. I give it a month or two before she's in a relationship with the "friend". The more she kept defending the friend the worse it got. The now ex BF is better off being the ex

I think it might be helpful to her to find an Al-Anon meeting. That should give her more perspective on her friend and why she needs distance. You know he's going to try manipulating her into being there for him again, and having the group support would help her immensely.

The friend succeeded in breaking up the relationship. She's going to have a hell of a time finding love that this dude is still in her friend group.

It’s not just alcoholics that are emotionally abusive. All substance addicts are. I lost an entire friendship of 10 years over this, because I was nothing more than a crutch and an outlet for him for… things. It got to the point that the thought of being around him gave me anxiety. I walked away from him six years ago and haven’t looked back. OP was right to walk away from this guy.

If op really wanted the ex back, she would apologise and do anything she could to save their relationship.

Maybe she should have ignored the friend's calls and decided not to talk to him ever again BEFORE she wrecked her relationship with her boyfriend.

I just read the update Dusty missed, her BF is the AH. First off he doesn’t like this friend and wants nothing to do with him and wants his gf to create boundaries, so I’m baffled as to why the bf would go to the friends house with OP when she’s going there to talk to him about getting resources to help with his addiction. you dislike him why are you going there to pretend as if you care or are his friend. Secondly the bf was in the friends home throwing digs at him and got in his face which OP had to then separate them and drag her bf out. Then gets mad when the friend texts Op apologizing for arguing with her bf prompting the bf to give an ultimatum. The Bf escalated this further to push opens hand in order to end her friendship.

Dusty, you skipped some relevant paragraphs in the 2nd update and had me so confused!! The part where they both went to the friend's apartment and the friend kept making digs at the bf is not in the video

Girl he should leave you. Yes YTA big time

Or the friend is toxic, and does not like it when others are happy when he is not happy, so he decided to ruin things for her. OP is just twenty, and at that age your friends are often the most important things in your life. Although, if they are so important to her I am surprised that she was not talking to them about this situation as it was happening, or arranged for one of these important in common friends of theirs to help the guy friend instead when she had plans. OP has not realized yet that these are not real friends. It would not be surprising if the now ex was also on Reddit, and either he read OP's story, or he had his own side posted.

That is what a sponsor is for! Friend is using her as a crutch! Your immediate relationship is supposed to be your primary person & especially if this is someone you want to turn into a husband, THAT person becomes 1st and foremost. How would you feel if he didn't put you 1st? It wasn't the dinner/ show but the place you put him in your life.

That "friend" is trying to come in or mess up their relationship. She was totally wrong. You probably deep sixed your relationship

She’s young. Hopefully she’ll learn from this. But if she’s cancelled on the boyfriend “a handful of times” over the course of a year for the friend’s “emergencies,” it definitely shows that she prioritizes the friend over the (now ex) boyfriend. If someone had died or someone needed to go to the hospital, yes, that’s an emergency. But it seems likely that the friend is not only taking advantage of OP as emotional support, but actively manipulating his relationship with OP to get in between her and her now ex. And she’s young enough that she might still unconsciously think she can rescue him. It’s telling that the brother thinks this friend is bad news. Long story short, if a friend has a genuine emergency, I think it’s reasonable to cancel plans with your significant other. But it’s clear that there was a lot more going on here, and I don’t blame the boyfriend for bailing. Hope OP finally sees what her friend is doing, because I don’t think she fully does yet.

He should have called his sponsor. He is manipulating you. You are possibly codependent and should look into Al Anon.😊

YTA! Your "friend" is using you and deliberately came in between you and your now ex-bf. It's good that your "friend" is in AA, but YOU need to get into Al Anon.

Off of the title alone, I was going to say YTA! Ditching your significant other on your first anniversary is one thing, but the fact that you ditched your boyfriend for a male friend... I agree, that doesn't look good at all! Even if this person was struggling, it most definitely could have waited until tomorrow.

I think that people who have friends of the opposite sex need to find partners with similar values about having those partners. While marriage isn't everyone's goal, people really need to remember that a dating relationship in the first couple of years is really about figuring out whether you have enough shared values and interests to be happy/content/whatever you are looking for in a LTR. This guy isn't the right guy for her BECAUSE this upsets him. The right guy would be fine with it and confident enough to roll with it. On the face, when she made the choice to go to the friend, she needed to consider and accept the risk to the end of her relationship before she went to her friend. Genuinely, the OP\ needs to spend time self-reflecting if they want friendships to come in between their romantic relationships as a matter of principle. What this really means is--don't make fast choices in the minute, spend time thinking about your values BEFORE you get into a relationship, so if choosing something means your relationship has run its course, you are confident about the choice you make being the right one for you, regardless of outcome. Whatever the friends' intent is? That's irrelevant, if you are acting in accordance with your values, then you're doing the right thing for your own character & integrity.

I feel bad for OP. She didn’t know how bad the problem is, and she should have asked, but I feel like Reddit went a bit too hard on her, especially after the ultimatum and break up. I get why the boyfriend gave the ultimatum because of the Friend, but OP was doing the right thing at that point. I agree with you that it feels like OP may have avoidant issues because they don’t want to get hurt. Ultimatums suck and aren’t helpful. I get why she wants to be able to be there for their friend and I just feel like she’s been taken advantage of. This girl is 20 and she’s just trying to navigate a difficult situation where two loved ones are in conflict with each other. I wish them well

OP is totally the AH here.

Is she his sponsor? She’s deff the AH. I bet her friend likes her too🙄

There was always a couple female friends like this in the group where they constantly called up on two male friends no matter what ruined their relationships and tried to ruin certain female friends too those friends aren’t real friends just fyi

WOW OP. Yes you are the asconaut. Damn I never ever thought that a friend takes president over boyfriend and 1st Anniversary. WOW 😮😳😮😳

I feel like I'm missing an update in the middle or something...

Could the friend of been trying to come between the couple.

If this is a reverse story...for sure the gf will be over the hill...yeah bec a bf is the one left our on there special day...she thinks the bf is overreacting. Jezzzzz!!!

Ok so OP has not told friend group this friend is that far gone? Then how good of a friend is OP? I would at 20 yet alone at my now 50 have t9ld all as 1 he needs help. 2 I can't be the only one to help said friend. I also think things with BF and friend has gone on beh8nd Ops back. Calls or texts or even on the street before friend was territorial maybe OP know but has left it out in telling us 🙄.

Also.... She doesn't seem that broken up about the breakup. Her ex is better off without her.

Is there context missing? What’s this getting in his face stuff? I’m confused lol

Can anybody give me the area, that explained how her friend got in his face?

OP is the AH here. She put a friend before her boyfriend on their anniversary. You can't just reschedule something like that. Don't think OP was trying to be a jerk, but she was. She chose to enable a drunk over the feelings of her boyfriend on their anniversary. She has more feelings for the friend than she wants to admit to herself. Her trying to say ex threw the relationship away is BS SHE is the one who threw it away

💜

Heard this story a while ago on Mark Narrations. Like Dusty but Mark did it better.

Whoa. Seriously A. The "friend " is being treated as a boyfriend over the boyfriend. ETA: Call the friend's sponsor.

Yes she is!!! I would have dumped her that night. It isn't as if he were in the hospital or something. Very poor judgement. The boyfriend may say it's ok now but their relationship is tainted now. It will never be the same.