AITA for filing for divorce after discovering my husband's very conservative beliefs?

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Story: AITA for filing for divorce after discovering my husband's very conservative beliefs?
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28 сен 2024

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Комментарии : 91

@favouritestories22 3 месяца назад

rest of this post:and asked him if he thought I would be better at home. He told me that yes he thought I should be a housewife. This revelation has hit me hard. It's not just about the difference in beliefs itself, but the fact that he kept this fundamental aspect of himself hidden from me. I feel like I don't truly know him anymore, and I'm struggling to reconcile the person I thought I married with this new reality. Especially because his views in this case are unrealistic, especially due to him not even having a job. I've always believed in open communication and honesty in a relationship, and now I feel betrayed. It's not just about politics; it's about trust and respect. I am the one supporting us financially, and while that doesn't bother me inherently, the fact that he misled me about something so significant does. I filed for divorce and gave him the papers today. He pitched a fit and got really angry at me when I told him that I was leaving him. He flew off the handle when I mentioned I was glad the prenup kept our finances separate. He told me I can't leave him like this and that I was an a*s and a bitch for dum*ing him like this. That I promised to be with him for richer or poorer and in good times and bad. I feel a bit guilty about leaving him in this way, though I can't be with a person who thinks the way he does about women. AITA?

@aishasamodien5987 3 месяца назад

He has these insidw views but clearly doesn't act on them or forced them upon you, and hasn't built resentment towards you, so what's the issue, a whole divorce just because of thoughts, but he is quite a deadbeat anyways

@katsimpsforleviathan 3 месяца назад

He vowed to love and respect. Where was that when he lied about his views and beliefs? It's an awful manipulation tactic to basically say "I did something bad and that's what I want the marriage vows to mean in this moment, so you should respect my current interpretation of our vows"

@LeanChuleta 3 месяца назад

@@aishasamodien5987those are his beliefs, he believes women should be in the kitchen. She needs a divorce.

@lydianicolenorwick125 3 месяца назад

The lying and hiding is the issue. Your vows were to a person who doesn't exist! He's strongly opposed to core aspects of your personality and belief system and therefore you, but he mislead you.

@andrijaobradovic433 3 месяца назад

Why is dumping censored and why is bitch not censored if ass is

@elisonholace4033 3 месяца назад

Lol gotta love how these men saying they want a housewife don't got housewife money. 🤣

@AMinibot 3 месяца назад

The 'him' she promised to stay with for richer or poorer was a deliberately-constructed lie. He can't be mad she's acting in accordance with the fact that the person she made her marriage vows to, doesn't properly exist and never has.

@anniedeedrix6732 3 месяца назад

He does not earn enough to exercise his conservative views lol

@nancyriggs8170 3 месяца назад

Yeah, because he earns $00.00

@SeraEMS 3 месяца назад

Nta i thought this was gonna be a leftist conservative thing and it isnt its straight up core beliefs. imo in this economy both people need to work at least a little so not only is it wrong logic its currently unrealistic logic unless the man makes enough to ACTUALLY support the household

@nancyriggs8170 3 месяца назад

He lied about his entire way of thinking and personality.. He basically put on a persona he thought you'd like, all the while talking that out dated crap online: which is extra ironic since he isn't even working, and you're supporting him. I honestly think filing for divorce was the only call you could make, because you didn't even know this guy; who know who he really is and what he really thinks..

@Mscocoapuffz 3 месяца назад

Lol to the ppl who think OP should try and work things out because ‘he wasn’t pushing his political views on her.’ 😂😂 Their relationship had ups and downs, so the lie about his political views is the straw that broke the camel’s back possibly for good reason. He knew he couldn’t tell her his conservative views while dating her because she might give him a chance, also he is in and out of jobs meaning he cannot fulfill the provider role to substantiate his conservative views. No one should go into a relationship thinking they can change a person or date for potential when they lie to you about themselves. He wants her to stay home while he doesn’t have a job. Does he want her to suffer with him about his unemployment? Idk but I hope OP’s divorce goes smoothly and she possibly dodged a bullet.❤

@aprilfisher8030 3 месяца назад

NTA. You've just had your 'Invasion of the Body Snatchers' experience; Thank God you found out sooner than later. The hardest part will be to learn how to trust again: others and your own judgment.

@lunachaaaan1072 3 месяца назад

I don't mind man preferring a housewife as long as they can fully provide for her and their kids but someone not working or not earning enough doesn't have a right to think like that

@ladyj.9350 3 месяца назад

Same. And the same applies to women wanting to be a housewife.

@geeayebeewhy 3 месяца назад

nta, divorce him. 1) he admitted to lying to you 2) you have both very different values and beliefs

@BellAtor-nw4ni 3 месяца назад

Sounds like he got freed

@whip-whiplash 3 месяца назад

Jobless bum is free from his cash cow?

@candeceb 3 месяца назад

Nta, but ta. Don't divorce because you have different opinions, divorce because he lied to you and does not have a job. You can talk about being a housewife, which should have been done beforehand, but he can't have that if he's not working supporting you like he should be.

@faithsmith197 3 месяца назад

No… divorce him so he can go find someone who is sane and non confrontational that he can have a happy and relaxed relationship with. If it isn’t this issue it will be another with a woman like you. FREE THAT MAN FROM YOUR MISERY AND EMOTIONAL BS!

@anamariabetlehem507 3 месяца назад

NTA

@yezzer13 3 месяца назад

The trouble started when you the woman had a more stable job than him

@whip-whiplash 3 месяца назад

And who allowed that? (the man)

@annamorabito6985 3 месяца назад

Nta RUN

@kimlittle9236 3 месяца назад

Nta

@hitomi94009 3 месяца назад

Both are the AH. He shouldn't have lied, and she should have, at the very least, requested couples therapy. Fact is, everything was fine in their relationship, and political veiws shouldn't matter if there is love. He never tried to force his values on her. Sure, he needs to try harder to get a job. There is no doubt about that, but to jump straight to divorce without an attempt to salvage the relationship makes me think she was already looking for a reason to leave. There is a way this marriage could work as many couples in the same situation have made theirs work. She decided to take the easy way out instead of working hard to preserve what they had and what it could grow to be.

@gothicvomit4894 3 месяца назад

He's unemployed and making post about how women belong in the home. This is spitting in the face of his wife who's been supporting and paying his way for years and is the reason why he was even able to pursue different interests. He purposely lied to get with her and tbh has been taking advantage of her kindness. She is not the ah, he is.

@Seirte 3 месяца назад

In some situations, I would agree that differences in views could be worked through, but that's a pretty significant difference in view. Men who view women as belonging in the home don't see women as equals -- they're seeing them as subservient. As a woman, I would want someone who views me as a partner, fully capable of doing anything they're able to do. Not a person who views it as their job to provide while I stay back and support. And even if he's not forcing the issue now, he feels strongly enough about the issue to post about it meaning that once he actually has a job, that issue is going to start being a point of contention. If I were her, I would have noped the hell out of there too. There are some viewpoints where you can have such a wide gulf in opinion that it's not going to be workable.

@mspaint93 3 месяца назад

Ok brokie

@karenb4635 3 месяца назад

He's admitted that he deliberately lied and deceived OP. He made up a persona that he thought would fit the man OP wanted and played it, like an actor playing a role. Put simply he is a conman, pretending to be someone for personal gain seems to come easy to him. He may not actually know what his own beliefs are, he may have been pretending to be what he thinks people want for so long he's lost himself, but one thing IS certain the "man" OP married doesn't actually exist. Divorce and don't look back.

@JordenM-kl8yo 3 месяца назад

Nta divorce i say divorce its the fact that he lied and that he doesn't even have a job or keep job yet he thinks op should be a housewife and what he said about women (whatever it was)

@gothicvomit4894 3 месяца назад

He's to broke to be making those post. He wants you in the home so bad? Okay then he better start making money instead of fucking around. Good, leave him.

@kalcibone 3 месяца назад

He would have commited marriage fraud if not for the prenup. He lied about who he was. Kick him out imediately and tell him you'll sue him for false representation if he doesnt sign quickly.

@frontstreettea 3 месяца назад

NTA. He lied about who he was in order to manipulate you into marriage. Who knows what he would have done down the line. Dumping him was actually your only real option.

@honeycrispsnail4032 3 месяца назад

NTA. there are some people’s political views that can be waved off, but there comes a point where it impacts people around them. this is that point. these are literal beliefs that he has about YOU specifically. he lied by omission and definitely should’ve told you about this a lot sooner. if he thinks women should be a housewives, great! he can find someone to take care of his dingy apartment after you leave.

@ritagreen846 3 месяца назад

That's rich women belong in the home but that man doesn't have a job so how could you stay home yes and your divorce is quite reasonable for that kind of behavior

@AddyKay 3 месяца назад

Lmao thats fing hilarious that he is unemployed and survives of of your salary but wants you to be a housewife tahts some bs what a hypocrite

@kyuutakitsune7163 3 месяца назад

If he lies about this, he'll lie about other stuff. Better off without hom

@sanaakram2733 3 месяца назад

Wait she’s supporting them financially but he wants a traditional housewife ? Be a traditional man then and go make the household its money 💰

@thabosimon4864 3 месяца назад

You promised this thing to the person who he pretended to be not the real him

@emiliagolden4441 3 месяца назад

Nta he couldnt even tell you the truth about anything. Plus hows he goi g to want a housewife when he cant even afford it? Girl be glad tou got out.

@prutprut6324 3 месяца назад

Both sound like losers lol

@patrickfj 3 месяца назад

Yes

@narliehs1648 3 месяца назад

NTA. He hid who he was so he could coast through life, knowing OP wouldn't support him if she knew his true, shitty character.

@rachelrasmussen1101 3 месяца назад

This is not a conservative man. This is a poser on all fronts. He is telling you what he wants to hear. He is telling his online cronies what they want to hear. A real conservative would not have lied to you, or wanted to marry you in the first place.

@rebeccaconlon9743 3 месяца назад

If they lie then they arent trustworthy enough to marry

@daniellemitchell3118 3 месяца назад

NTA. He essentially committed fraud by lying to you by ommission.

@billcomerford3021 3 месяца назад

Run do not walk to the nearest exit and take him for everything you can.

@salt7625 3 месяца назад

I remember a comment that applies well... *these men do not want you....they want to change you*

@benitomartinez2106 3 месяца назад

Why even lie about things like that? It benefits no one

@corinnefogarty7880 3 месяца назад

Nope nope nope ... NTA. The word "housewife" is to me, what "they, them, their" is to ~those people.~ It needs to be deleted from the English language. Unless it is redefined as coming with a fully paid for, 3+ bedroom house, 3-1/2 bathrooms, with a generous yard and modern appliances throughout. A budget to cover all taxes and maintenance. And all legally in her name, with no strings attached.

@aliway4136 3 месяца назад

This is ridiculous. My husband and i are more conservative leaning and we share home chores and working. You are stereotyping people and its absurd 🙄

@bobbel3474 3 месяца назад

NTA. Hes a hyppocrite and lied to you.

@butternaan. 3 месяца назад

nta, divorce. there’s nothing you can do- you married a different man than who this is.

@ednakravitz2738 3 месяца назад

Nta you did the right thing

@kenyettadoyle1200 3 месяца назад

But he’s the one at home with no job.

@jop23ify 3 месяца назад

She didn't know his beliefs till after 2 years.. I call BS.. Most likely, she knew, tried to change him and he wouldn't

@Short-mistress 3 месяца назад

Nope he just lied about himself to her. That's getting popular now a days to lie about yourself to appeal to the other person and marry them usually to use them. It's easy to hide your beliefs if you want to.

@whip-whiplash 3 месяца назад

Y'all always say this stupid stuff

@mamatlacuacha 3 месяца назад

First of all, probably fake. Second of all, he doesn't have conservative values. If he did, he would be working and providing for you. He's not a conservative, he's a closet misogynist. Conservatives want to conserve the dynamic between men and women that served us both for millennia. Both parties took on responsibilities in the marriage and had equally essential, but different roles. This dynamic follows biology and natural law. He is doing neither by remaining unemployed and not supporting the household financially. How are you supposed to have strong, healthy pregnancy and postpartum periods without him taking on the breadwinning responsibility? How are you supposed to continue the species if he won't take on his role as a man? He's not a conservative in any sense of the word.

@Leyladjdjx 3 месяца назад

I had a friend who went batshit crazy after finding out that we had not only different but also totally opposite political views. Actually I never had to hide my views, I even told her once but that Dorie brain forgot it unlike me who knew about her stance. I just didn't care because we were friends who shared deepest secrets with each other and it's not like we had illegal views on that matter. Well, when I once told her my pov she took it really personally and said some ugly things. It still is a big disappointment for me as we knew each other for ten years but nothing to do. I sympathise with the husband.

@elisonholace4033 3 месяца назад

The difference is the husband not only actively hid his views but lied about them. I'm not saying married couples need to agree on everything when it comes to their views but something like him believing a woman's place is in the home & wanting that for OP being a deal breaker for her is valid. Just like how if the situation were flipped & OP hid how she wanted to be a housewife & thinks "the man needs to provide" the husband would be right in feeling cheated & lied to. Plus we don't know what hos other conservative views are so i completely get why OP wants a divorce.

@Leyladjdjx 3 месяца назад

@@elisonholace4033 Idk man. As I said, I never hid my views and my friend still didn't get it. Plus, nothing's ever always black and white and conservative thoughts like the example OP gave doesn't have to mean that he fully embraces it. Just like intrusive thoughts for example. It sounds like OP is not only working but also spending most of her time fulfilling her political views, it felt like she abandoned her husband a bit. Maybe he just expressed how he felt on the internet because he needed to vent. Almost no one acts in the real life like how they present themselves in the internet.

@memawknowsbest4978 3 месяца назад

@@Leyladjdjx He lied about his core beliefs to get OP to marry him. I would be willing to bet that the only reason that he hasn't started pushing OP to be a trad wife is because of his own employment problems. If his situation changed and he was bringing in money he would be trying to change OP into a housewife even though he knows that isn't what she wants. And of course he doesn't want her to leave him, he is financially dependent on OP.

@mamav8791 3 месяца назад

I guess she's not as open-minded as she thought.

@rebeccaanamu812 3 месяца назад

I think OP is slightly the AH. I mean maybe when they got together his views changed. People’s thoughts change especially as you get older. When I met my husband he was super liberal we held different views and beliefs even religious beliefs. I’m Christian he’s kind of back and fourth but doesn’t really believe in the church. He’s now more conservative and I’ve changed as well being in the middle. Not fully leaning one way or the other strongly in my views. Even now we don’t see eye to eye as with our son I want to put him in a more private Christian school and start taking him to church every week. But we both decided with out forcing to always respect our child’s wishes while not forcing ideas too much on him aka he decides later not to be religious or even is interested in things not necessarily boy. You can make it work her and him just lack communication and are childish.

@memawknowsbest4978 3 месяца назад

They've been married for 2 years. How much could he have possibly changed? He also admitted that he always thought that way and he has been deliberately hiding it from OP. I'm sure the only reason that he hadn't started pushing OP to be a trad wife is because he CAN'T because he is UNEMPLOYED. If he had a job, he would be trying to change OP into a housewife. This isn't just a difference of opinion. This is one person intentionally hiding their true feelings and beliefs from their romantic partner in order to get their partner to stay with them. Now OP knows what he really wants out of the marriage and it isn't what she wants. Not to mention that posting that stuff while sitting at home being fully financially supported by his wife is just spitting on OP and their marriage.

@rebeccaanamu812 3 месяца назад

@@memawknowsbest4978 I was dating my now husband 2-3 years in when our views switched it is not impossible. Plus OP said she her husband was trying to figure out his career. I can relate since I found my passion but my husband at the time wasn’t happy with his job. He was miserable I made and still make plenty of money to support us with just me working. I think he went through 5-6 jobs in the span of a year, trying to figure out what made him happy. He also went through a time he was a stay at home spouse. He still has that aspect where he wants to be the bread winner but I tell him to use it as motivation to make more than I do then and move up in rank for us. Right now I make $32 an hour while he makes $20 which is pretty much minimum wage where we live. He now works at a law firm helping out his lawyer boss. He loves his job. But it took time. He still leans more right than I do politically but that’s okay because we respect each other. People change as they get older along with their views. So yeah I still think especially since I can relate to OP a lot she’s an idiot. I’d never divorce my husband over it and yes my husband would prefer I stay home with our son but he also knows I would never do it I’d go crazy lol but you know he respects that. It makes our relationship better that we don’t always see eye to eye since it gives us both perspective.