AITA for Starting My Wedding ON TIME?! 

3:34 my mom is late for EVERYTHING - work, events, all of it. She showed up to my wedding venue early. Was she still late to pictures and stuff? Yes. But I took it as a miracle that she was even there and ready, the 3 minutes it took to track her down and drag her to pictures was not a problem. That being said, I would have started without her if she had been late

I’m thinking that the reason they got it time stamped is because they knew it would be an issue and they probably have been gaslit by their parents before. The only time I ever would document something like that is if I had been gaslit a whole bunch of times in the past and was sick of it.

This makeup looks so good on you!!! And wow imagine your parents having the audacity to give you a hard time at YOUR wedding after they let YOU down. That must have hurt no matter how prepared they were.

ADHD does affect your perception of time. I put a lot of effort in to managing, and I do manage accommodations when able. I don't expect people to change their even for me, however. I recognize this is my disorder to deal with. And my own children's wedding? I will be there 5 hours early, to make sure there is no issues.

Regarding lateness as a neurological issue - it's called time blindness; it's an ADHD symptom. Many people with ADHD can't sense the passage of time and have to use alarms and pop up reminders for basically everything in order to run even close to on time. In my experience people who have this issue are aware that it is a problem and pretty understanding that people will not delay anything important for them. They definitely don't get defensive and lie about how late they were.

My parents both have adhd and don’t consider lateness rude. I grew up not really understanding why people were irritated with us when we’d get places. I missed out on things like eating at events because of it. But my parents never said people should have waited for us. I am not a late person despite adhd because I consider it rude and I work really hard on time management. It’s a choice. And those parents made the choice not to try. My parents knew we were starting on time and they would never want to miss my wedding. They got to the venue over an hour early to make sure they didn’t miss it

Sometimes maintaining the peace is not the goal. Sometimes it's about getting closure and knowing that the one time they were supposed to be there for you, they chose to be selfish and the goal is to confront them before they try weaseling out of it. I think the wedding mood is already dampened from the parents' actions - the bride's actions were simply a way to actually feel better. Revenge (not even, more like petty revenge if anything but more like advocating for yourself) might be more worthwhile after all that time than trying to bend over backwards to carry all the weight of the parent-child relationship.

I would argue op did have the conversation ahead of time. He said when they were late to his graduation that he would not wait for them again and has held to this. Yes others accommodate the lateness but the parents have had years of experience at this point of op not waiting to accommodate them. They already knew and chose to do it anyway. They chose to miss their kids wedding.

Punctuality is very important to me I like to be at places early and if I’m not I get anxious and if other people are late I get frustrated but then again it could just be the theatre kid in me.

with all due respect, "have a really clear conversation about your expectations" only works if the other person is receptive to such a conversation. if they're not, attempting that will be an infuriating exercise in futility. there are neurological disabilities that make timekeeping exponentially harder (the only way I get somewhere on time is a half hour chaos margin & panic-fueled obsessive planning. it works but it's exhausting) but I'm fairly certain that's not the case here. if it was they'd be early to important-to-them events at least occasionally (because sometimes you don't need the chaos margin). with or without a relevant disability, they didn't prioritise OP's wedding, and that hurts.

I have been a guest who was on time waiting 30 minutes to an hour for things to get started. It's really frustrating sitting around.

Funny story. My husband was late for our wedding... 😂. I was stressing but I also didn't communicate well enough to let him know the groomsmen could do finishing touches on wardrobe at the church. So they were late. The whole groom's party. Lol. Today it makes me smile. 9 years ago, I was stressed. Haha. I'm not late for things for personal context. 😁

Good topic Jamie! I have a culture where people do not arrive on time, but (barring traffic or an emergency) I can see waiting, but I will not be waiting for more than 15-20mins when I get married. It's disrespectful, and cuts into the celebrations after the wedding. Seeing that OP has started events on-time throughout all of their adult life, I can't see why their parents thought this event would be any different. Not the jerk here. Talking to people who are close to the couple and have a tendency to be late beforehand is really the way to go. You give them their notice that they need to be on-time if they wish to be there. (It's the mature thing to do, and you can tell them, that hey, I told you this would be the sequence of events for the day before we got here.). Making bets on this topic is rather immature.

We put noon on our invitations knowing full well the ceremony started at 12:30. Why? CP time is REAL. We had a string quartet playing as our guests were seated that played covers of modern music and they loved it! Please have something planned to entertain your guests if you are intentionally starting after the communicated start time.

My mother missed my graduation dinner because she refused to make sure she would be ready on time. She still got to the ceremony itself on time but i have never forgiven her for being late on such an important day. This was such a chronic problem that when my family and i would set up dinners together, we told my mother an hour earlier than we were actually going to start specifically because we knew she would be almost exactly one hour late every time

For parents (especially) known for being excessively late (30 minutes or later), a few compromises. 1) Have someone pick them up 2) Have an earlier start time on wedding invitations. They are supposed to arrive at 8:30 for a 10:30 wedding 3) Yes, have at least one conversation of stating expectations around punctuality

Went to a wedding, knew both sides, my dad was the officiant and my family were the only guests besides the grooms parents and the groom that knew the times of everything that day. The groom and his parents planned most everything because the wedding was in his home town. The bride and her family are chronically late for everything. Like 2 hours late. Grooms mother shared an itinerary with the guests that was one hour early for everything than the time that my dad and all the vendors got. It was great. I have been to weddings that start so late that the photographer left before they cut the cake

For me it's just weird that parents are not there ahead of time before even the first guests arrive 😅 And it's true there are cultural differences too, here in Spain 15-30 min late is normally accepted although not really for weddings. But just to avoid problems, that's why at Spanish weddings we usually have welcome drinks 30 min before ceremony starts (unless it's a church) and most people will arrive during those 30 min and not alot earlier, so ceremony can start more or less on time and people didn't need to wait too long. And those few who arrived 'too early' will blame themselves for being too early but never expect the entire wedding to adapt to them 😊)

At my friends wedding, the best man told the groom the wedding started an hour early, he was only 10 mins early. The best man didn’t tell anyone other than the other groomsmen he was doing this and told the groom when they arrived at the church, he was laughing the rest of the day.

I have stress induced IBS so I’m often late to things. Basically get ready, get sorted, be about to get out the door, stomach cramps. But if I’m going to something important? Preemptive buscopan, anti inflammatory foods 3 days before and zapain to deal with the cramps.

I’m honestly 5-10 minutes late most places I go. When my daughter got married last month I specifically planned to get there an hour before the ceremony-that way when I was inevitably five minutes late-I was still plenty early! That’s too important an event as a mother to not be on time.

My mom was chronically late. We always told her a time 30 minutes before the actual time. It worked for a while but she figured it out😏

I am chronically late but I am always sooo embarrassed when people wait for me, I am very used to sneaking in the back and apologising because I just have no concept of time really, but I fuuuully know its my own time blindness and don’t want other people to put things on hold for me, when they do there is often a bit of resentment and annoyance. I’d rather they go ahead and I’ll do my best and slide in when its most appropriate. But- when something is important, I am so proactive, timers as I’m getting ready, put things in my calendar for 15-20 minutes earlier than they are, pack the night before etc so that I do not miss out or put others out.

Yessss I love these!!!!

Great video as always Jamie! Love the nails 💅🏽😍

Yes. Please keep doing these!!!!

Wait, the parents really should have been there waaaaay before the time stated on the invitation! Were there not photos taken before the ceremony? They were super late then. Some of my family members showed up right before I walked down the aisle. I saw them as they walked into the church 🤪

Thanks for doing these videos. Its helping me not feel so overwhelmed by planning my wedding.

German here, the answer is clear. You get there at least 20 minutes early for something as important as a wedding. Latest is 5 minutes early and that’s already rude bc it makes the planners/vendors/couple worry that some people won’t make it on time. If everyone is there 10 minutes early we can all have a deep breath and know that when we start on time, nobody misses a thing.

Hopefully I would have the conversation well before my wedding day. 🎉 Love the REDITs.😂

I'm German and I have strong feelings about that 😆

It is a grace note to start on time.

Already planning around my brother😅

It was quite a challenge for me as the MOB and wedding planner when my husband delayed me by over an hour getting to the reception venue. I had the timetable completely drawn up but a husband who just does what he wants. Very frustrating. Happened at both my children’s weddings. One left to go and I will be driving my own car.

I feel the parents were not ambushed. They were given notice at the adult child's graduation and had been given real life instances where the adult scheduled and began events on time. These parents are acting in a way that makes them the main characters of all events they are invited to attend. Even though they arrived late they couldn't be happy to be there, enjoy the event and support their child. It's like the backup singers out singing the front man. Not okay!

4 people were late to mine!! We started right on time hahaha

It sucks being the first/only family member willing to put your foot down and set boundaries. I feel for OP. I also don't like the idea of blaming their behavior on (possible) neurodivergence- plenty of people find workarounds to avoid being late and if they slip up, they take accountability.

I would have waited till after the honeymoon to discuss it. If they cornered me, I would have reminded them , they made a choice to be late. Personal opinion, life if full of consequences, both good and bad. We teach our children if you don't do your chores, no screen time. Cause and effect. As adults its the same, I don't go to work, I am not paid. These parents made a choice and I feel sorry that they took time away from their son's wedding for petty b.s

To call your kid an ahole on their wedding day WTH. There must be a long history here. Wasn’t the dad walking her down the aisle?!?

Unrelated comment, but I was curious: have you ever helped coordinate any heavily themed or generally non-traditional weddings? My wedding is going to be heavily themed, including the outfit for my groom, my mom's outfit (who will be walking me down the isle), and many other details. So far my biggest issue is finding a good venue to host both ceremony and reception.

I think what I'm gonna do for my wedding is put a 'please be here by ___ to get seated before the ceremony starts at ___'

So I plan on putting the start time 30 mins prior. However, we are getting married at the top of a ski hill and the chairlift takes people up 15 mins prior to the start. There is also a bar/restaurant at the bottom they can hang out at. Would you agree that is an okay exception?

JAMIE!! HELP!! I am having a wedding (50 guests) and my reception will have two long banquet tables. How do I proceed with this? Do I need escort cards, are place cards with names at each seat enough or is that too confusing?? 😭

She had already had that conversation with them about being late, perhaps she could have had another to address the wedding specifically, however I have a feeling this would not have changed their actions

Definitely NTA, my MIL completely missed our wedding ceremony. Everyone was on time and I left the decision to begin on time to my husband. She is chronically late and he was tired of her wanting everything to be around her schedule. So he said we will start without her. Mind you she also called earlier in the day saying she wasn’t going to be available to get her makeup professionally done because she had more important things to take care of that day. 😏

The bride clearly has anger issues with her parents and she chose a very hurtful way to make a point. It doesn't matter if she had a right to do, this will damage the relationship further. It was a very inappropriate way to try to fix a problem. She knows her parents have problems, and she chose to make a big scene, hurt her parents and embarrass them. I'm not saying it was right for the parents to be late to such an important event, but there were so many ways it could have been handled gracefully and with love and respect. For example she could have talked to them ahead of time to let them know her wedding would not be late like her siblings. She could have had her siblings help her parents make it on time. She could have given them duties at the venue a few hours ahead of time to make sure they were in the building. She even could have lied to them about the start time although that could be blown up quickly. If the bride cared if her parents were there, she could have gotten creative to find ways to work with them instead preparing an attack for what she knew her parents where known to do. What's sad is that she spent time and effort into planning to prove they messed up again. Imagine, she took the time to tell her friend to take a picture and she made sure to bring an extra wedding invitation, and she didn't take the time to talk directly to her parents.