At school, we once had to make an art project. The assignment was: "make something that describes you as a person". I made a word of metal wire. The word was: "Chaos".
Diagnosed this year at 40, school broke me and I haven't recovered. Also found out I'm dyslexic a few years ago, was told I was smart but lazy all my life.
Hi Tim, I'm 43 and finally got a diagnosis a few months ago. I am too dyslexic.. I studied psychology which helps however ended up with more questions.. Just hang on in there xxx
Such an uphill battle when you're older. So easy to shut yourself off from everything because interaction requires so much more energy and resolve. You aren't lazy Tim, you're just trying to protect yourself. But you can't let it beat you - because avoiding the world will only make matters worse. You've gotta get back in the game (and enjoy and appreciate even the smallest of triumphs). You owe it to yourself! Oh, and Helen was right - try to find an Aspie group with whom you can feel comfortable and supported. Good Luck!
I have just found this, I’m 52, it’s explaining so much, my inner child is in tears. I feel a deep need to speak to the Professor , I’m no longer sure where the mask and coping mechanisms end and I really am. I live in Adelaide
48 here, most likely below the threshold after a life of working my butt off to make sense of myself and the world. I feel a lot like you do. I honestly don't know what's me and what's the mask. In some ways, it feels like I have become the mask. It's alright - it's served me well enough over the years - but as I get older I find myself less and less able to keep up with all the things I have going on. My quest is now shifting to adapting my life to myself rather than to others, and expose what I'm discovering to my kids and sisters (because I see a lot of my struggles in them).
Yoga, listening to meditations and something called scripting in the morning has helped me tremendously. With scripting I write down in a meditative and grateful state what I want to manifest on many levels, including a personal level: how do I want to approach people today? ‘I am now showing interest in peoples lives’ or ‘I feel confident in my interaction with other people’ for example. I find that when I write these things down and feel them as if they already happened, they do happen and I find myself talking to people with less anxiety.
I am 32 and I’ve been diagnosed with asperger few weeks ago. It has been a relief to know that this thing I am experiencing is actually a real thing and that I am not an alien or an android or something like that.
I was diagnosed at 16 but was not told until I was 22. I know the feeling! It sucks! I wish I had known before I had Aspergers. And with so many people finding out they have Aspergers, I cam say it is definitely more common than what we think.
I'm a 45 year old bloke. Life with Asperger’s without any diagnosis until a year ago has given me a really thick skin, but a lot of what Tony says, especially the points regarding social issues and school/learning really landed with me, to a point I got quite emotional. We all need a Tony Attwood in our lives because he's a remarkable man. Growing up would have been so much more manageable. At ~40:00 during the exploration of depression in ASD... almost as though Tony has been in my head. Describing the special interests and sudden disinterest thereof, acutely accurate. I shall refrain from including my own experiences with self-harm here, but the reasoning given for undertaking such a taboo action is again, acutely accurate - blocking out emotional pain with physical pain, and it being a calming thing. Furthermore, alcohol, opiates and cannabis used to disguise my own conditions and did so for almost 2 decades, so when I had a switch click in my head and quit everything overnight, every issue that was disguised came to the surface with a vengeance. It's taken nearly another decade to reconcile that. Amazing discussion. Insightful, sympathetic, informative and therapeutic. Thank you.
Female Aspie here who was only diagnosed at 36 albeit Id contend that I don't meet the criteria now as my social understanding has greatly improved. I can completely relate re the opioid, drug issues & self harm & crippling depression for much of my adult life. I also struggle with alexithymia so it was a way essentially of managing my own emotions. I really hope you've found a way out of this hell; I still take my medication albeit as prescribed but I do slip up at times & the thought of using it to cope is always in the back of my mind. Please reach out if you ever need anyone to talk to, I know how you feel to some extent.
Just recently discovered Dr. Atwood, due to researching Asperger's for my 5 year old son. We are currently waiting for an appointment for an assessment. I am 80% sure he has this condition. Dr. Atwood is a treasure! I wish he were here in the states. Thank you for this interview!
We actually provide social skills, communication skills and emotional skills and family support and training as a specialty! So yes, they’re professionals out there providing these services 😃 We are professionals on the spectrum, providing services for our community on the spectrum. Tony Attwood is our favourite!!
Do you provide these skills online or have a chat group? I live in Canada . My son has been through a hellish experience and is just being diagnosed with ASD now at 17 . He now has Cannibis Use Disorder. In the past he has been diagnosed with ADHD , Tourette’s and OCD
I'm in my 60s . I fought and conquered Alcoholism, and STILL didn't feel like I fitted in. I discovered 12 yrs into my sobriety that I'm an aspie. I'm almost too exhausted to deal with it. My 16 yrs in AA have been as nothing compared to realising that my masking is falling away. I'm isolating because now that I'm retired I've nobody to try to be NT for.
Trish Traynor, I’m wondering if you’re saying that it’s a good thing - or not - that your masking is falling away. I hear that you’re exhausted; maybe you can enjoy being your true self since now you’re retired. Maybe you can enjoy connecting with others online - or even in person during this time ...
It is like, as they say "peeling away the layers of an onion." My greatest "awakening" was at 49 many years after the many years on the "recovery" path, which included learning how my wiring was different as well. Was told as a child my IQ was 150, yet WHY did I feel like they were hiding something from me; that REALLY, I was the 'R' word.- (sorry but those were my exact thoughts in relation to myself.) I also needed treatment AA, OA (and then some) yet the changes in my own growth also progressively limited who I could candidly connect with. Hope you are enjoying your retirement!
I fully agree with you Dr. Tony. High functioning is a condition not a disability. The aspie brain is just wired differently. It can be challenging sometimes. However, many can acquire the social skills. It is indeed exhausting and hard earned. Many are very intelligent. NT is not the only way the world should be right 😄
One analogy I use is... Everyone else (NT's) have been born with the ability to fly a 747. And they have manuals in their language if things go wrong. I/we were born without a pilots licence, we have no manuals, and the cockpit instruments are in another language. Yet we are still expected to fly.
I was watching a vid on hypersensitivity, which could be undiagnosed autism really, and she said in the brain studies done etc. It was like those who are hypersensitive were outside the box thinkers, and that in the animal kingdom there were similar minority birds etc. They were the ones to try the new thing, find a better place to eat etc. And the other birds would follow. It was interesting.
I welled up at the comment "Become a 1st rate Aspy, not a 2nd rate neuro-typical"... I think that might be me. It triggered a sense of freedom. Thank you for making this vid and Prof Attwood's time and consideration (and yours...!) [for context, I'm 46, married, with 3 daughters and I'm just starting to realise I may have had some form or level of Aspergers throughout my life]
Thank you Doctor Attwood. You have taught me so much in this difficult period when I'm doing my best to metabolize the fact that my wonderful grandson has been diagnosed with Asperger's. You have certainly been a great help.
Dr Tony thank you for all you do we are so lucky to have you in this world . As a late diagnosed adult you sound as if you are my father knowing so much about my condition , I learn so much from you. I wish the best for you and family and let not loose hope in you going back to your town with your wife one day
Meditation in my case doesn't work. Attempting it makes me very uncomfortable (even to the point of meltdown), instead death metal helps me calm down, relax and manage my emotions. Pets (mainly dogs) are absolutely awesome for learning to understand nonverbal communication (since it's the ONLY form of communication possible with them).
Great video. I am finding Dr. Tony to be really relatable since I just got diagnosed in the high spectrum. Just a side note. The interviewer has beautiful eyes.
Thank you so much finally somebody who really understands me and my son, your books are great and I am going to watch al your video’s I recognize so much and cry of happiness I would love to meet you but I am Dutch but live in Milan Italy since 25 years and here it’s ver difficult to find the right help for my son and there’s no economic help but somehow I want to bring him to Spazio Nautilus who knows if you know them they are the only one that come near to right help for my son with Aspergers ….and you are right since he was diagnosed I found out to be Aspergers too THANK YOU 🙏
We need to learn how to communicate with NTs in an ASD way and still be understood. We definitely don't need to learn to imitate NT lingo, that's masking and it hurts us. We need to learn to understand and be understood without masking. Keep the masking for covid.
This is why I am uncomfortable with the “early intervention” strategies that are being proposed for my 4-yo granddaughter. It seems like there is a fine line between teaching her “social skills” and encouraging her to FAKE IT (mask, or camoflauge), thus not accepting her authentic self. This creates a lot of stress, emotional exhaustion and maybe shame and frustration because her REAL instincts are considered bad.
Dr. Tony you are doing such a meaningful work and it's impacting my life in such very positive way! For the first time I feel there is nothing wrong with me, I am just different and your supportive and kind words go straight to my heart ❤ I have been struggling as a child, as a teenager and now in my 30' with depression, anxiety and +10 years of addiction. Throughout my life I had a difficult time making and maintaining social relations and on top of that using verbal communication to express what I am thinking. It's so sad because I look like the others, I am actually pretty and a high achiever but when I am asked to make conversation due to the many thoughts passing through my mind I cannot chose an idea, and all that comes out is mumbling which ofc ends up with bulling, or being ridiculous in front of others. People think that I am stupid, or use sarcasm on me even my own mother when she wanted to prove a point she was using difficult questions that I could not answer, to show me she is right. Please continue providing us insight as this is so helpful to understand oneself, you are a wonderful human being 💛
Just to mention, I've been dealing with rejection all my life and when in social situations I am described as intense, or I start playing with my hair, fingers, being clumsy and even tip toeing.
Wow, this is a great interview! The questions are so clear, nice, important, well-thought and smart. I really like the answers, and how they are so detailed, and I got a lot of info! ! Great job! .;
31 old male with ocd and asd from north east India. almost my whole life I thought I m defective. my sister killed herself as I failed to understand her(I was her sole guardian). now after seeing the videos i feel like i am given another chance to Iive ! failed miserably at academics but good at music.
Ha! I was misdiagnosed, BPD, before I found I was Aspie. Mindfulness meditation and emotional processing groups to be the only parts of the program that helped me. Nothing helped me more than finding out it was Asperger's rather than BPD. I was able to stop masking altogether immediately. I used to mask for my mom. However, late at night, July 3rd, 2021, I watched your "Is it Asperger's" and went from 3 misdiagnoses... to 1 diagnosis that fit EVERYTHING I experienced.... and I already regarded Autism as evolution. So I went from being ashamed of my condition to being proud of it overnight... literally. July 4th, 2021 I (an American Aspie) had my own personal "Independence Day"... I was masking for 36 years, for the benefit of my narcissistic single mother. When I told her what it was and stopped masking, she tried picking a fight with me (I realized she did this to get me upset, because that's the only time she could outsmart me) .. since then, I have endless patience with her...... and now she's the one freaking out.
@No-nl8jn except that Narcissists don't voluntarily put themselves through 15 years of therapy, wondering "what's so wrong me?", and keep at it in earnest, trying all sorts of things. I think your comment says more about you than it does about me.
Hi Exellent observations. Superb in fact. Please can I have my oscar !! With all I have read I believe I am an aspie , but not formally diagnosed by a doctor. I have always known I was wierd, but in the slums around the docks in East London in the 1960`s where I grew up, Aspergers was unknown. Austistic kids were simply kept well away from main stream population back then. I saw a little autistic boy in a push chair , when I was about 6. He must have been 4. My mother thrashed the living hell out of me, for staring at him. I wasnt staring at all , I just knew that his noises were a language of some kind that I just didnt understand and that he was actually triing to talk to me. My mother did not understand me at all and she believed the best form of communication between me and her at was a bare ass*d smack over her knee untill my a*rse was red raw. School reports would always prompt this type of communication as, she would simply agree with the teachers assesment of me. ( wierd, useless, lazy, odd etc ) Having a " wierd " kid that looked absolutely normal under any scrutiny you want, until it opened its mouth, was a humiliation my mother could bear. I was always told to keep my mouth shut. My father was indifferent and only interested in my ability to fight, as he was an ex soilder. I learnt very early on indeed, to become a chameleon ( I still want my oscar ) But failing most of the time. It is truly exhausting trying to pretend you are something you are not 100% of the time. I feel so sad that in the 1960s that there was no one like Professor Attwood there for me and those like me, as I have suffered all my life,with simply failing to fit in to " society ". I had a heart attack a couple of weeks back and have no idea what the futre has for me ( I am 58 now ) especially when it comes to earning a living. I believe Professor Attwood is a rare person gifted with his powers of observation Such a shame there are not more like him in the world. It would be a much better place. I salute you ! I
I desperately want the social therapist idea in the school's. I have don't the OT, had our girls in play them more cbt therapy, and underental health doctor observation, but as a parent there are some things that need to come from others.
Inherited aspergers from my dad, I was weird, but also inherited Highly Sensitive Person (Sensory Processing Sensitivity) from my mom. SPS makes one helplessly receive other's feelings and attitude. Ì thought everybody did. They certainly did not. What SPS did for me was make me able to talk with NTs without social cues, but knowing what they wanted to say by their feelings and attitude. This led to many, many burn-outs.
@@AgnesC1111 yes, it is genetic no doubt btw: asbergers is the North American pronunciation, aspergers the correct and European phoenetic pronunciation
Only an aspie, I think, would mention this trait of being highly HSP for ridicule. Many call being HSP autism, but it's not. You have to BE highly HSP to know it's not.
Dr Attwood. *ANANDAMIDE* Its the key to understanding the why of autism and the endocannabinoid network, that autistic people suffer from low levels of Anandamide production procurement and processing the neurotransmitter that is our *JOY* transmitter! Why cannabis alleviates so many of the symptoms of autism so well. Dr you are teaching the what of Autism but not the why of autism and we need to know the how and what is causing the problems with the endocannabinoid system sir! PLEASE because this is a epidemic that needs fixing asap because too many are lost to suicide addiction and the prison system. Please if you can get after the disease instead of the symptoms that would be great! Thank you for the video its helpful but triggering at the same time. I appreciate all the work you are doing very much! God bless you, yours and the autism community.
It truly is evolution.... once I stopped trying to mask..... and realized that my synesthesia was real, and not in my head.... not only that, but since I'm not masking anymore, it freed up energy, and I scored a 137 on the Stanford-Binet. We are the future.
I have learned to socialize by applying my analytical brain, the only difference is is that reading social cues wasn't intuitive as it was for everyone else
I completed the puzzle and I think some psychiatrists would remove my diagnosis, but my executive functioning is still bad. I almost burned my kitchen, I forget to pay bills, my home is a mess and I studied the wrong subject.
Feline713, same here tho I’ve not received a diagnosis for ASD - only adhd. I’m just now learning how differently it manifests in females and it explains so so much!! I can handle social interactions with ease, but the executive functioning .... ughhhhh
Feline, I’m exactly as you wrote, ASD diagnosis at 19 and ADHD (inattentive) at 26, though I’m not sure if the ADHD is accurate or if it’s sleep/depression
This is a great video that I have come back to many times. I self diagnosed with ASD (and comfortably so) in my mid 50s and so began a journey so far 6 years in the making. Like so many others of my era, I endured much confusion, taunting, physical abuse, psychological trauma and neglect throughout childhood and developed compensation strategies that helped me survive but maladapted and nearly broken. Clearly I do not fall into the category of Asperger's Pure, I have Asperger's Plus and then some. I know trauma is almost a given in the best of circumstances with Autism but it seems CPTSD can be a very common coincidence. Over the years I have come to wonder whether I also have developed traits consistent with Borderline Personality Disorder. Is this a possible outcome for someone undiagnosed with Autism also suffering from long term CPTSD? Professional care is cost prohibitive for me here in the US.
I know that it’s been over a year, but if you are still in contact with Mr. Attwood I’d like to suggest that he try B1 and the B vitamin complex to help his son with his addictions, anxiety, and depression.
@@robertsonkira69 I wish I was as confident, but carbs deplete these vitamins. Even when I’m low carb I still require 6-9 tablespoons of nutritional yeast daily. How many folks would do that? I do it because it means my survival.
I was diagnosed at 36 albeit I'd be considered someone who has moved off the spectrum as my social understanding is in many ways superior to many neurotypicals; I was heavily socialised & have a neurotypical twin. I still however have what would be deemed intense interests albeit I wouldn't deem them special as they're in psychology, philosophy etc they very much colour the way I perceive the world & other people...the very fabric of reality. I hate how our special interests a are often perceived as being centred on rote memorisation of facts when I'm a highly abstract thinker which also pertains to social abstraction. I almost feel like I'm an Aspie & a neurotypical albeit that is a very binary way of thinking 😂😊. I've always felt quite alone as the vast majority of my friends (wide social circle) have always been neurotypical; I was generally always expected for the odd ball I was but I did feel the need to understand life from the neurotypical perspective - that's not to say that are neurotypicals are the same, they're as diverse as we are...you get bad people in all walks of life.
Undiagnosing asd seems weird to me. Almost as if becoming successful eradicates the condition. The psychologist who gave me my diagnosis formulated it very poignantly I believe: it's not that I don't know how to act or how to read people, it's the analysis involved in it. I very effectively analyse and adapt to social settings well after having done so my entire life (I'm 32 now). The diagnosis is, or at least should, revolve around how the brain functions rather than specifically how the person is dysfunctional - because being dysfunctional might well be due to an array of different mental health issues, depression etc... I don't know, that statement really frustrated me. The move should in asd research should be towards defining subcategories (much like differenting between aspergers and more cognitively challenged forms of asd) and moving the general perception of asd to not per definitoin be "weird or unsuccessful".
@ 12:20 ... my wife doesn't lack attention to details ... she is superhuman when it came to spotting errors ... my boss said she's not normal, you sure she's not a robot??? ... Quality Control?
Important not to consider high functioning as ‘cured’ in any way. This is probably a function of intelligence and disposition. The brain remains wired autistically. It is a permanent state of being. No?
Why be cured or fixed if it isn’t a defect? I find that now that I am in my 50’s totally exhausting. No undiagnosong for me thank you. I am my pure self. Sorry. This is not progress in understanding. I am successful being single and not so social.
Interesting that you state that people have no guilt if they see things as not human. This may be true for some but not all. Also thank you for also acknowledging that some animals can be better at communicating and reading people than most people commonly are. Also when you speak of special interest i think you are citing some thigns that MIGHT be better defined as stereotypy LIKE BAR BITING IN PIGS RATHER THAN A SPECIALISED INTEREST IN A SPECIAL SUBJECT WHICH IS GENUINELY OF INTEREST SUCH AS for example ASTROPHYSICS.
23:45: Sorry Tony. That really, really wouldn't work with me. Instead, that would make me instantly suspicious and wary that you were taking the 'Michael'! From then on, I would be, analytically, watched you like a hawk! My sensitivity is in the area of vocal intonation combined with linguistics.
I've felt for a long time that this Drum & Bass track perfectly represents my neurosies: music.ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-xI8KDwk6kb4.html&feature=share Always been calmed down by this type of fast music. It's like if he can keep ordrer in that tempo, I'm a happy guy 😅
KALYPSONAIIADES THE NEW MAGIC AND FANTASTIC WORLDS CREATED BY DALVA WILD (ASPERGER AUTIST) AT THE BWARNER P INTERNATIONAL EDITIONS PRODUCTIONS MOVIES CINEMA INT
This lady has a very nice voice. She pronounces "Asperger's" correctly. Hearing "assburgers" repeatedly causes me to want to turn away. Listening to the dr. is very difficult. He's lovely if only he would speak properly...
I am surprised a Doctor would ascribe his own daughter's foray into the same field as his to "intuition". That is entirely baseless and unfalsifiable. Poor science doc
This guy couldn’t even diagnosis his own son living in his own house😂 Which means he didn’t care or he was incredibly distracted which is the same thing. Too little too late for these bullshit people. Meanwhile I can go to my kids soccer game and easily diagnose people with diabetes narcissism and other ailments purely by sight because I pay attention.