an honest chat on publishing pressure, disappointment & feeling like I’m falling behind💙 

Hey guys! Just wanted to say that I know this was a more negative video, but please know that I’m totally fine! I filmed this awhile ago and am feeling much better about these issues since (no I have not sold my book lol, but a chat with my agent about our submission plans and some factors in publishing that have been slowing the process gave me some good perspective!) but still wanted to post this video since I know a lot of people currently in the querying or submission trenches can probably relate.

It is important to get off that kind of mindset, because it never ends. Once you get published, then it is 'I only got published once, am I a real author?' "My last book was years ago, am I still a real author?" It never ends. An author is someone who writes books, publishing is just how you get paid. As long as you write, you are a real author.

"I feel like I'm in a race. I don’t know who I'm racing against. It just feels like I'm losing." Lifelong writer, stuck in the query trenches, struggling to stay positive... this is so me! You nailed it. We've got this, bud ❤

Unsolicited advice from a book coach who exclusively coaches and edits and who isn’t interested in publishing herself: Your feelings are valid and understandable, but if you can stop caring how other people perceive you, you life will be infinitely easier. You are an amazing human being who is putting herself out there and helping other people who are struggling. That is huge. Regardless of your publishing history, you are awesome and people will still listen to you and love you. Because you help them. Listen to people like me who encourage you and want to know your journey, and dismiss the critics and the self-pressure. Self pressure is a creativity killer. 💖

Your getting a novel published has, to me, ALWAYS been a forgone conclusion. It’s always felt inevitable. You’ve published short stories that have gotten you some decent fucking accolades iirc. Your advice and insights have been an actual lifesaver in terms of the spark I still hold, as a 38 YEAR OLD UNPUBLISHED WRITER WORKING SINCE 19 YEARS OF AGE. Maybe you haven’t published a novel yet. But you’re not even 30. You have more than enough time. And “you have real talent” is an objective statement. Like your name has been in print, both as an author, and also as an author who has achieved a position of undeniable merit. What’s less objective is that myself having read your writing… you are an extraordinary wordsmith. Your ability to weave together emotions and transport me to an almost magical realist state of mind, it’s incredible. You’re an incredible writer. The next step is ONLY a matter of time. You’re going to get there. I will wait for as long as it takes, and then I shall celebrate the inevitable day, apart from but also with you.

Perspective: You're hella young. You have a good stable job. You have an audience on youtube. You have multiple books. You're going to be MORE than just fine. You're going to be a huge success, but the downside is that it might not happen as fast as you want it. And if anyone is judging you they are either naïve about the process and not a judgement on you, or just really trying to get you down when you need to be in good spirits to be creative. So don't fall for those pressure-traps. No one who supports you will make you feel pressured at all. And as for your own mind, tell it to chill.

You’re such a great writer (your short stories and snippets of your books are so intriguing), and a nice person. You’re really amazing. I was telling a friend few days ago that with my latest novel I have no doubts about my writing abilities, I have accepted that not everyone will like my writing but I’m received a lot of praise to be certain that I’m a good writer. You’ve helped me in understanding this. Your videos were a pillar to me when I was at my worst. YOU ARE A DANG GOOD WRITER, Shaelin! Published or not. You’re a pretty good writer. 🤞🏼❤️ Lots of love and light. 🙌🏼❤️🕯️

Much love, Shaelin. Publishing is so rough, and is often exhausting and disappointing. Thank you for posting this and being vulnerable with us, it helps us as writers to participate in conversations like this. That being said, this isn't about us as an audience, this video, I hope, will be healing for you. We believe in you and know how skilled you are, we're here for the journey! Manifesting some good news for you soon that can bring some satisfaction. Thank you for showing us your journey, Shaelin. We love you!!

I'm 49. I'm desperately trying to get better to get published. Or self publish. Or anything. I just started really writing 9 years ago. As Zyzz used to say about work out bros: We're all going b to make it! I believe in you. I believe in everyone reading this. Keep at it. We're all going to make it writing family! ❤

Shaelin, I've written 6 novels. I sent my first query in January 2014 and I have yet to even sign with an agent. I'm a few years older than you and until recently, when I would think about my writing journey, I would feel so ashamed, like I was literally the worst writer possible. The thing that helps me most is actually talking about my writing because it helps me realize the shame and embarrassment is coming solely from me, not from anyone around me. Respect comes from trying, not from succeeding. I have enormous respect for you ❤

I've never witnessed such heartfelt, extensive, and positive comments on any other RU-vid channel. That speaks volumes.

I think a lot of your problems come from the intersection of capitalism and artistry. The people who question you, the questions from yourself, they stem from a perception of success that is based on money. But art is inherently separate from money. Art's value is not derived from purchase although it's easy and common to think so. I know as storytellers we desire to be heard and recognized. There's no denying it. However, we can recognize that our desire isn't constructive. We can let that go and focus on mastering our craft and telling our stories. These little doubts nagging in our head enforced by the critics both foreign and domestic are DISTRACTIONS. Ignore them. You said, "I feel like I'm in a race. I don’t know who I'm racing against. It just feels like I'm losing." That is a valid feeling, but it is a LIE. You only lose the race when you stop running. You haven't stop running. Don't you see? You're winning.

It’s nice to know that others are going through what I’m going through. You’re a wonderful, talented teacher. You’re value is enormous and whether or not they picked up your book it’s not a reflection on how good you are. I’m almost 50 and I’ve written seven novels, and pitched to agents, queried, spent so much money on editors but I’ve come to peace. I have written books I can be proud of even if they don’t go into print the way I dreamed. I have wanted to be published for 35 years. Someday it will happen I really love you. Your video’s are great and things will come together.

Everyone's falling behind. We are grown up to believe we need to achieve early, grow early, make money early, or we are nothing. But THIS ISN'T TRUE! We are allowed to take up space, to grow, to go at our own pace. For instance: I always tell people I'm a writer. I love writing, I want to write a novel, but really my only writings are partly-finished novels and vent poetry that i don't even show to those around me because I'm embarrassed of them. I've been so stuck in writer's block and an inability to write how I'd like to that it makes it so difficult to see people around me making money off their dreams so quickly. But that's okay. It's hard to realize, but it's okay!! Also, screw everyone else anyway. Your worth is based in YOU - not what you do, how well you do, etc. I'm a writer and I will write a novel someday, gosh dang it, and no one is going to stop me, not even myself

You have done the work, you've written the book, written some of the best short stories I've read, and are a phenomenal RU-vidr by age 26. If you were to self publish tomorrow you'd have thousands of people buying your book. You've chosen to go through the publishing route, so it's out of your hands now, waiting for other people to pick up your work (buyers time and time again get it wrong and don't pick the best book). It doesn't takeaway from what you've achieved!

Thank you for sharing your honest thoughts and feelings, Shaelin. I'd just like say that I'm confident that the vast majority of your subscribers respect and support you, like myself. We are here because we respect and appreciate your takes and advice, so major props for keeping it real! It's great that you seem to be kind to yourself - you are a talented writer in a tough business. I wish you the best going forward, and good luck on your journey! After all, it has just barely begun

As an aspiring author who hasn't gotten to the querying and submissions part of the process, I can't relate, but videos like this do help prepare me. It helps aspiring authors break out of their unrealistic expectations or naivete earlier in the process which is probably easier overall. So thank you for sharing the harder parts of your journey. Much love from your community 💛

I always try and remember that most of my favourite authors 1) didn't publish their first book until they were in their late 30's AT LEAST, and 2) many of them take YEARS in between each book. But every time I pick up their new book, even if the last one I read was 7-10 years ago, I feel like I'm reading an absolute masterpiece!

I imagine once you’ve started the tradpub journey, things feel fast paced. Although I can’t empathise with this yet, you will learn to find your own creative pace to make your art. I know it feels like this now, but it really is a bubble. Not to invalidate your feelings, not at all, rather it’s to make you feel a greater sense of freedom. Inner freedom. Shaelin, I could say you’re miles ahead of most people producing content, writing so prolifically, and just being such a source of help and light for so many budding writers online - but this would negate my point. These things are undeniably true, but this hole you find yourself in requires affirmation from within which, I think, will only come with time and more experience. As always, Shaelin, thank you for your honesty, integrity and most of all, your light.

For what is worth, the moment I read one of your short stories I knew you're a talented writer. As "part of your audience", that's all I care about, your talent. Best of lucks with your book.

Your feelings are totally valid. Everyone’s journey and timeline is different. It took Lindsay Ellis 10 years to get published and she has a huge following. Brandon Sanderson wrote 13 books before one of them got published. Even super successful authors often have long journeys getting to publication. Also, think of how many bad books there are that do get published. Quality of writing does not equate to publish-ability. I’m positive your writing is much stronger than the majority of stuff that’s out there. Definitely keep writing new books, not only a great way to keep busy and practice your craft, but when you do eventually get published, and I am confident that you will, publishers will inevitably ask, “do you have anything else?” And you can be like, yes, here are all these other books I have ready to go. Totally normal to feel discouraged, but keep at it, you will get there.

Everyone who asks you when your book will be published is not a real fan. All your fans know exactly where you are. Please please ignore the haters.

Shaelin, I'm really sorry you're going through this. It might be stupid advice, but you should try to ignore the assholes who leave disrespectful comments in anticipation of your failure. They are not the people who know you; they are not the ones who matter. Their spite comes from a place of jealousy--most offenders are arrogant bitter dudebros who have never and will never sell a book themselves--and misogyny. There's something about being a woman that just invites this kind of disgusting behavior, and especially a woman with an online presence, where abusers take bilious courage in anonymity. It's unfortunately, unfairly, par for the course. I am also impatient for you to be published, but it's a soft impatience, and not at all directed at you. I'm just a tiny bit frustrated that these trad publishers don't immediately appreciate what I (and all your viewers) know to be true: that you're an amazing writer with so many good stories to tell, and the sooner you're given an avenue to print the better. I am impatient to have an actual physical keepsake from a writer I've admired for so long, and I take solace, as you should, that it will inevitably happen. It will be an honor to have you on my shelf, as pretentious conceited proof that I have good taste in literature.

I am only a year younger than you, but I feel that impatience with getting out there. Just this week my first poem got accepted by a literary magazine, and while that is so exciting, the intense feeling of being left behind gnaws at me. I totally get where you are coming from! Hang in there!

I think all of your feelings are natural and of course valid. No matter what happens you are a writer. You have published short fiction: you are a writer. You have written multiple novels: you are a writer. You have an agent who believes in your work: you are a writer. I have no doubt that you will have a novel published because you are a writer. You don’t have to prove your bona fides to anyone.

The fear of stagnation / decline that comes from unresponsive publishers is extremely real. The only way I’ve dealt with it has been by focusing on metrics within my own control (x submissions per week, a short story every two weeks, x words on the big WIP per week, whatever). It’s a numbers game when you get down to it, so it helps to make more numbers go up.

My favorite books, by my favorite authors (Nathan Hill, Khaled Hosseini), have taken YEARS to write. The best books take time, in my experience. And, like you said, 26 is REALLY young. You have a long and bright career ahead of you.

Shaelin 100% the pace you are proceeding is fine. I'm rooting for you, and I absolutely respect you as a writer and a teacher. You're literarily tremendous. (Not literally tremendous.) I know you'll succeed.

Hey, I know multiple mid-career published authors who were unable to publish their first books, but broke through with a subsequent book THEN were able to sell the original book. So even if this one doesn't work out, and it still might, you are on the right track. My advice is you absolutely need to keep writing books, this is the right thing to be doing! None of it is a waste.

I don’t watch your channel because of expectations about your career. You are one of the few creators posting actual, meaningful content I can’t find anywhere else. I want success for you, but that has nothing to do with why I continue to seek you out. Whether you post writing advice, vlogs, or sharing your journey like this one, you always have my full attention. It is our published stories we want to be remembered for, and I have no doubt you will be published. But I wonder if you have any idea what your teaching has meant to serious writers, both here and on Reedsy. You have a gift for writing, but also for teaching writing! Your own methods, like six-arc structure, to me are the real gold. Your own ongoing journey is also incredibly validating, whether you’re cresting a wave or deep in a trough ❤

'Time has been weird.' Isn't that the truth! I've enjoyed listening to you talk about writing and your process for years now. It's still a pleasure to see you have posted a new video. I have to say the idea of rejection feeling accumulative really resonated. Can I just take this opportunity to tell you that there are still days I think about 'I Will Never Tell You This.' Wishing you all the best.

You kidding? It is through your videos that I first got a sense of what it takes to be a writer, and all the bits about structure, plotlines, pacing, and a ton of other stuff. Sure I knew about the struggles of famous writers (how else is art created) but your journey is what grounded my naive ideations and dreams, and tempered my expectations... I'm like 4 years older than you, but I learn from you as though you were a sister, a well-read, learned, and wise sister. Whenever I'm despairing or losing faith, I watch your videos and learn, and that little spark or 'Aha' moment I often get is what keeps me going. I'm nowhere even close to where you are, I'm damn sure. And definitely far, far away behind the curve. But where I feel sympathetic, as I'm sure many do, is that sense of impatience with the slow turn of time and perceived progress when it comes to writing and publishing. I guess it's the deal we all make with the devil. Like most writers, I'm well aware that writing is not as fast-paced as other arts, like music or painting or what have you. But people who know me, who see me struggling everyday (people who're not writers, or even readers for that matter), including my family and friends, do not exactly get it. And they ask: "Oh hey, what's up with the book you were writing like 4 years ago... Oh, you gave that up and started another one? How's that going?... Yeah, I know, it's not easy. But don't you think it's been too long?" etc. etc. They don't know that my life belongs to the written word, and time matters diddly. For as long as I'm typing, and thinking about my characters, the conflicts, the stories, the themes, and reading, I am inwardly fine, just fine, so please don't bother me with questions about when, and leave me to tend to my dreams. I know I'll stick with it my whole life, even if I have to continue slogging through a 9 to 5 to earn a living, even if I have to make sacrifices daily, and be frustrated, and have days when I wonder why the F did I choose this. But it is fleeting. I have learnt not to overthink these phases. For I, like many of my brothers and sisters in suffering, will never be content with just living a life and moving on. We are writers. We aspire for the immortality of art. We bleed and bare our souls on the page. And if it means trading a few decades of our lives for it, it really is the easiest bargain to make. I hope with all my heart that good things come to you, which I know they will. And if it takes a year, or ten, or twenty, then be resigned to it. Do what you do best. Write stories that no one but you can write. Eventually, when you'll be the rockstar author that I know you to be, and all those years of hard work and self-doubt will be repaid to you, with interest. Take heart. Sincerely.

I think it’s important to remember that as much as people enjoy your videos, they are all strangers with their own complex lives and when they aren’t watching your videos, they aren’t thinking about you. They don’t care (in a good way)if you fail. They will cheer if you succeed and some may even be spiteful if you fail, but no one really cares

I can relate to this sooo much. Thank you for sharing your feelings. I’m 36 and started writing 3 years ago but feel so inadequate and impatient even though I’ve published 3 short stories. I also have a novel draft and am dreading going out on submission with it + however many more novels I might write in hopes of getting published. I’m sharing this to add to the voices that all feel the same. The writing/publishing world is sooo competitive but we seem to mainly see the winners and good news on social media, which doesn’t help. In reality, it’s a long slog. We just have to keep at it and have faith. You’re an incredible writer and admire you so much. Thanks for making me feel less alone today. ❤

Stop caring about what some negative people think; their opinions are of no relevance in your life. Negative people clearly don't have anything going for them in their lives, they are serial losers and you are accomplished in so many ways. Besides, you can always self-publish, so don't worry about it, you are only 26. Give yourself grace! I have no doubt that you will be published one day. You've put in the work and it will pay off in big ways, it always does. A major book deal, perhaps your stories get optioned by Hollywood and become a big hit. It only takes one good day for everything in your publishing life to change for the better. For encouragement, Lee Child didn't publish his first book until he was about 42 and today, he is infinitely more successful than 99% of authors.

You probably won’t see/read this but I sympathize with this SO MUCH. It literally felt like you were reading my mind. I wrote my first book when I was 14. I started my very first round of querying EVER when I was 15. I’m 26 now; got my Masters in English / Creative Writing, applied to an MFA program but had to drop out because of pregnancy/ Covid/ job loss/ etc. and now I’m working as a middle school teacher. I wrote my latest book in 2019, put it down for a few years and I’m 50% into my second round of revisions. I’m like you; I am a perfectionist and I take very long to finish a project. Its been accepted for a pitch session in November and I’m hoping I’ll get an agent, but It’s been taking forever. I also feel like I’ve been working on my writing for years. I’ve been published in magazines, got my degrees, etc. and it feels like I’m losing too. I also have struggled getting consistent feedback from readers. And I also feel the need to prove myself so that people don’t just see me as a teacher and forget that I’m a writer. But seeing this video and seeing how your words echoed my own thoughts reminds me that everything happens for a reason. I don’t know what that is yet, but I just wanted you to know you’re not alone. I’ve read some of you’re work, and it’s definitely helped a lot of my own writing. You’re actually good, seriously. You’re going to get there, don’t worry. It’s just a matter of time. We’re rooting for you!

I think everyone feels behind? Like, to me, I see you as SO ahead in your writing career. Already killing it. Your skills, thoughtfulness, maturity. In reality, I don’t think anyone’s behind - as long you cut out comparison and external expectation. I’m 30, and I know you’d never tell me “don’t bother trying, you’re already too old” 😂. Because no one is ever too old to pursue their dream.

I had a book go out on submission in 2018 that just never found a home. It's awful, but it happens. Then, last week, my agent got a response from one of the publishers he sent it to back then, saying it was a close call but they were rejecting the book. It took FIVE YEARS to get that response, and it was still a rejection! The publishing industry can be ridiculously slow sometimes. Fingers crossed that an acceptance is coming your way, even if it's coming slowly.

Don't feel frustrated, you are honestly so amazing and talented. And also this: you might be a great writer, I do not doubt that. But don't forget about what you do on youtube: you are an amazing teacher and orator. Authentic, personable, uber relaxed. I'm looking forward to your TED talk. re: the problem is feeling that other people are getting impatient with you? Yeah that's a tough one. I'd recommend checking out "The Courage to be Disliked" - Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi....specifically the Separation of Tasks. Super helpful. basically it boils down to "it's the other person's task to worry about what they think of me, and my task to worry about what I think of others", or at least check out a video review on the book:) Thank you for being so open and vulnerable Shaelin:)

Dude just ignore the people who are waiting for your downfall lol. 1) they will always exist no matter what, even if you're a nobody with no RU-vid channel, guaranteed some people in your life won't want the best for you, better to accept it and not give it any more focus/thought. 2) if you're focusing on the possible failures or people wishing bad things for you, you're taking your eye away from the prize, i.e., what you want and 3) doesn't matter how long something takes, are you progressing? Is there any way to ethically progress faster? If not, so long as there's forward movement, you're on track. You'll get there when you get there.

I think this is a common feeling for writers in their mid-twenties. Like you mentioned, there is a perception that you should be able to have an income, be published in major magazines, or publish a book, or else you're either not a talented writer or you don't take your craft seriously enough. But twenty-something is still so, so young. Your feelings are valid, and you should also be proud of all you've accomplished. You'll look back on this video when your book has been sold with so much joy and accomplishment. I started watching your channel 7 years ago when I was in high school, and I recently moved across the country for grad school to get my MFA in creative writing. You're still advancing in your career and impacting people by inspiring them to follow their dreams.

You're in the lull. Make a video without saying the words "write," "writer," or "writing." Not sure how exactly but you can do it. Somewhat akin to a baseball player anguishing over a "slump" taking a break from the cooker. No talk about hitting, no talk about pitching, no talk about strategy, no analysis, no talk about what he is doing right or wrong ... none of that allowed. It changes the energy.

We totally love and support your work. Let's hope this year your book will get published. And we will get our signed first editions soon ❤😊. #keepgoing.

I've never commented before, but I've been watching your videos for years. To me, you have nothing to prove because your advice and videos have had a huge impact on me and my writing. Even how I listen to books has changed. I spot so many things I wouldn't have noticed before. I can pinpoint the parts that leave me unsatisfied or parts that have been done really well. Take your time. I've been working on one story for almost four years, and I am completely tearing it down and reworking it from the ground up again. But each time it had gotten better for it. Your videos have played a big role in that. I'm so sorry that the channel that has helped me so much has been causing so much stress. I want to add my voice to say I'll be glad to wait as long as it takes. Regardless of how long your publishing journey takes, what you've already done has made a huge impact, and you will get there. I'm not worried. I can wait as long as it takes. Thank you for everything you've done.

You had me until you said you were 26. As an older author, read biographies of authors from way back when to get an idea of what it is you've embarked on. Most authors worked at jobs for decades while they wrote and were eventually published. It was a slog. It has never been a great way to make a living. It's a great way to live. Just write. It's art. It doesn't respond to timelines or report cards. Also absolutely nobody cares if we are published or not. We care. Our agent cares a little. But nobody else cares. Own your feelings. You care. I used to care until I separated the publishing process from the writing process. They are two different animals.

In lives with you I've heard some of your writing and have loved things you've come up with off the cuff. Keep writing, maybe this book isn't the right one now, but your next one will be. You will 100% do this I have no doubt. You're ahead of a lot of writers, especially at you're age, just having an agent 🥰

What a great post, difficult to watch, difficult to see your struggle. I learned a lot. Somewhere there’s a pithy quote about a writer’s world: the loneliness of writing, living in one's head, harrying perfection, the indignities of reaching one's limited skills and talent and mustering courage to plow ahead, all of it bound up in worry, overthinking, and wild swinging hope and plundering despair. It’s a grind. When I started writing a book (now in third draft), my chief concern was that it was too important to me; consuming, an obsession bordering on neurosis. Four years on, that sword of Damocles still hangs in my writing spot, real now as it was then. Shaelin, I can’t help think that once your book is published - and it WILL be published - there'll be a new set of doubts: promotion, pricing, blurbs, font, paper, cover. Sales! It’s maddening. And human. The writer’s lot. I value your channel. I’ve watched it for years and I hope it still informs you as it does me. Hands down, this is your best post yet. So brave!

"I will wait" - You are soooooo unbelieveably successful, right NOW.

Why do people automatically think there's something wrong with you and not with the publishers or the book market? Is capitalism suddenly an art coinaisseur?

There is no way we don't see you as anything other than a writer. You practice your craft. You brilliantly teach your craft to others. We all know that the traditional publishing route is fraught with challenges. I would go as far as to say it is broken. The fact that you have not yet published your book is not a reflection on you or your abilities. I have given up several times trying to traditionally publish fiction. Turned to self-publishing. Then I write another book and try again, fail, and walk away. Like you, I have several books sitting in a file on my computer instead of on a bookshelf. Very frustrating.

As one of the people who can't wait to read Honey Vinegar, I'll put it out there that your subscribers who are waiting for your book to be published just so they can hate on it can KICK. ALL. THE. ROCKS. If you ever have to take a break or step back from the channel to protect and care for yourself, do what you have to do. But you have and you're continuing to provide an invaluable service on RU-vid and we respect you for it. I respect you for it.

Can't speak for anyone else but I just started watching your channel a little while ago and I think your advice is good on its own merits. It never occurred to me to even question your status in terms of being published. I think you earn respect with your obvious expertise. I hope for your own sake you get published but from where I am I appreciate and enjoy your teaching whatever the case.

A lot of us editors are not just overworked, a LOT of us are leaving. The pay for editors is rapidly dropping and many of us, myself included, have left because it is not feasible to live in NYC on 40k or less a year as editorial assistants, which aren't paid that much less than lead editors. So publishers are now able to take on less books than before because they can't keep positions filled as they are unwilling to meet demands of editors who are now starting to unionize.

Umm hi friend, thanks for posting this. First off, there's nothing wrong with you. We were warned about the writing ~~biz~~ and this is why. I don't respect you less because you haven't published, I respect you more because of videos like this. I've read your stories, you're a great writer. That you're able and willing to be this honest about your career is respect-worthy on its own. Nobody worth your time is disappointed in you. I've also been writing since I was little, always thought I'd be a published author by now and yet here i am in my thirties and I haven't even finished a book. The disappointment and embarrassment I feel on the ~daily~ is immense. Is anybody where they thought they'd be at *insert age here*? It's life. If we've achieved like... 40% of what we wanted to, that's a solid score. Keep at it.

You've got a buyer here as soon as your book is published! Truly, you're not behind. You're much further along on the path to your dreams than most people ever get. And you're bound to get to all the destinations as long as you keep steady on the trail. You know your process, so don't let others define "how it's going" for you.

The whole process of traditional publishing gives me imposter syndrome. I have to remember I'm worthy, and all will be well. It will happen at the right moment.

I... completely feel you. I don't really have anything super productive to add, just: I'm sorry you're going through it, and us the audience cannot be helping in making you feel secure in your own journey. Regardless, I believe many of us will be rooting for you for the entire time you getting something out there that you're truly proud of ends up taking. 💜

It doesn't matter the speed of which you do something, only that you do it. I doesn't matter what others think of your work, only that you like what you've created.

I think if you made a Kickstarter it would be super successful. All your true fans would show up big time!

I think you might be suffering from the spotlight effect. I also thinking that reading has become "trendy" in a show-offish way and think that readers don't care about the quality of writing as much as an enjoyable plot. Unfortunately, I think a lot of traditional publishers are also now just looking for books they think will sell well as opposed to good, talented writing. I hope I'm wrong about all of this though. Don't get disheartened, it may take you a while to get published but then you might get several published very quickly!

Thank you for being so open and vulnerable. I'm sure the vast majority of people asking are just excited and want to read your book, but I can definitely see how that adds pressure when your ideal timeline isn't working out. Wishing you the best - fellow unpublished writer at 26

Here is my take on one aspect of this story that sticks out to me, the way I see it. (This definitely isn’t the whole story, or the whole answer to the phenomenon you observe.) By my standards, and the standards of anyone I know, you are an over achiever. Your ability to see writing projects through outranks 99.something percent of people who dream of writing fiction, and probably still a very a high percentage of people who actually do write. And maybe even a not to be neglected percentage of people who actually publish, if we we take quality and “how many revisions is the author willing to make in order to squeeze out that last percentage of quality” into account. At the same time, you have a disposition to worry about negative thoughts by other to a degree where it can become almost debilitating. Just as you said, you have a healthy relationship to your writing, as long as you don’t get unasked for negative comment forced upon you. (As an aside: This may sound like I’m looking at this as something worthy of therapy; this may or may not be something worth thinking about, I simply don’t know. What I can say is that in my experience, dispositions are best not just simply looked at in isolation. For all I know, this may very well be a side effect of some absolutely crucial part of what makes you a good writer.) It’s a law of human nature that almost every single time someone attacks another person, they are really attacking an aspect within themselves that they are unhappy with. One way to procrastinate, rather than finish your project, is watching videos providing writing advice. Which makes me think that the number of people commenting might be skewed towards people who are unhappy with what they do. In summary: We have a bunch of people who are unhappy with their own performance, being confronted with an over achiever who has a “this way to the sensitive spot that will destroy the death star” road sign on her. I’m not saying people do this consciously. I’m not even judging people who are prone to doing such things, it’s human nature. We are all messes, ”you who aren’t may cast the first stone”. I don’t think you’re entitled. It seems to me that your reasons for running this channel - as a way to combine 1) your joy in sharing insights on writing with others, helping other writers solve there problem, with 2) creating a potential audience for your book - are very good reasons. Whether they outweigh the negative impact certain comments can have on you, is something only you can answer. The harshest thing I can think of saying to you is “NO ONE is judging you, this is all just in your mind, everyone is only ever judging themselves”. Except like with practically all “tough love advice” things I can think of saying to you (leaving aside how pretentuous a thing this is to do in the first place, escpecially when unsolicited), there is almost certainly no need to say this to you, because, as your own most avid critic, and someone who excels at owning things, taking responsibility, rather than seeing herself as a victim, you have almost certainly thought of this yourself. (Acknowledging how scarily easily criticism of a certain type (the "you suck", "you're a pretender, not a real writer" type) can knock you out isn’t seeing yourself as a victim, it’s simply perceiving and accepting reality, which, according to some, constitues a helpful first step for tackling any problem.)

Shaelin we know you are a great writer and a gem on this platform because your advice has helped hundreds of thousands of people! I know you and your RU-vid channel have helped me! 😂 We are rooting for you ❤

Shaelin, I’ve been watching your channel since 2017 or 2018 and I’ve always been impressed with the educational value of your videos and the depth and passion you have for the craft of writing. I am 10 years older than you and as a screenwriter and novelist/short fiction writer, I definitely had not found my voice as a writer yet when I was 26. I didn’t even start getting my short fiction published until 2020 because even though I was used to rejection from screenwriting, I did not know much about publishing short stories. But I have learned so much from watching your channel and seeing your journey! Maybe it’s because I’m more familiar with publishing and am a writer myself (I have a lot of author friends and am also a paid beta/sensitivity reader and also have a short story in a traditionally published anthology coming out next month)-but I never once thought, “what’s taking Shaelin so long?” As someone who teaches writing workshops, I also see you have a gift for teaching/educating/mentoring. I hope HONEY VINEGAR finds the right editor when the time is right as I’m sure it will. I will be querying soon and I also feel like I’m falling behind. This video helps me feel like I’m not so alone, even though I’m not on sub yet. Thanks for sharing your vulnerability with us! I hope we get to read your beautiful queer novels someday! 💜

The other thing I feel in my bones: you're an artist's artist and your books aren't generic or typical, so editors feel like they're harder to sell. In a time with the publishing industry is under deep stress and you're getting positive feedback but not selling your book, it's probably because your art is riskier and the industry is more cautious than ever about taking risks. Someone will take the plunge, and it'll be great for them and great for you. ❤❤

Regarding the idea that you took "too long" to edit Honey Vinegar to make it perfect, think of it as time saved from the querying process. Maybe you found your agent so fast because you took the extra time to edit. Had you not, it might have added months of revision requests and back and forths with agents.

It feels wild that you posted this video today - I just went on submission this morning with book 3. Thank you for posting this and being so vulnerable, your frustrations resonated with me so deeply...I signed with my agent in late 2020 and it's been an insane journey of high highs and low lows: book 1 received positive feedback but no takers, book 2 (which I wrote in a bit of a COVID-era fugue state and don't much care for at all) was obtained by a small UK press with a really disappointing first quarter performance (but perhaps that's for the best, lol). I'm holding on to hope that this will be the one and my life, my career, everything can finally start! And I can finally point to it and say "see?? I'm a real writer". Your feelings of impatience from others is something I feel intensely, and like you I'm not sure if I'm projecting my own anxieties, but that doesn't make the impact any less real. Wishing you the best of luck on sub and please keep writing, keep going!!

Submission is so difficult and I found harder than querying because you’re so so close to the dream coming true/the goal achieved. You’re just one yes away. So it feels so so much more agonizing. Especially because, like you seem to have experienced, acquiring is not just about liking the book and that’s hard. I only popped onto YT when I knew I’d sold something so I don’t really know how it is to have that pressure of people watching the prepub journey, but it’s kind of one of those things that doesn’t stop. Like, you publish one book and then people wonder when the next one is coming and so on and so forth. So whatever strategies or things you can manage to get in place now, I find, is really helpful. Though I know much easier said than done 😅 it’s hard not to think about the opinions of other people. Especially if you have a large platform where people feel very comfortable demanding “results” from you

I wish I had the right words… but here’s what I have: 1) what you’re saying makes complete sense and I 100% understand why you feel the way you do; 2) you’re not wrong that there are horrible, weird people out there; 3) I’ve never questioned your ability to write, because you’ve more than demonstrated your ability through the advice on your videos; and 4) a lot of us (me included) love you as you are and we really aren’t thinking “why isn’t there a published book yet?!” My thoughts towards you are usually something along the lines of “yay! Another video!” And “wow, that was really helpful!”

I love you Shaelin. Very much. Thank you for all you do.

sending you all the love and good vibes, Shaelin!! thanks for posting this honest discussion - I know most of the writers in my immediate circle are feeling this exact same way right now. there's definitely something to be said about the pressure of "writing publicly", worrying about how other people are perceiving our writer journeys, publicly "failing" etc. but publishing is so wacky and slow, now more than ever, and I'm sure you know it's not a reflection on you at all. your published work speaks for itself! I'm not even on sub yet and my agent also warned me that editors are taking a long time to get through their backlog (trying to level my expectations before I even start the process lol... 😭) I've no doubt we'll all get to hold your books one day! 💛

I dont wanna negate your feelings, or say that there isnt a portion of ur followers who want you to fail or not to selll, but i can genuinely say i have never been like goshhhh why hasnt she published a book yet???? When it happens, and i hope it will, ill be thrre and buy it and read it… but until then, dont worry whatsoever abt us!! Also even if it doesnt happen soon, tbh some of my best writing teachers both in iowa and NYU did not even have the best writing careers. Not that i wish that on u i just mean NEVER relate ur publishing with how good a teacher u are! Uve helped thousands and dont u forget it. Has nothing to do w what u write

This is such a relatable sentiment. I graduated from college this year after dealing with all the pandemic stuff throughout my engineering degree which brought my writing to a screeching halt. Now I'm trying to find my stride again and it's so hard to feel like I'm behind of where I wanted to be, and to not be daunted by all the other steps. Thank you for the reminder to be gentle with myself, and I hope you're able to find peace with this all too.

i've been on sub forrr *checks calendar* two years now, have wracked up 20 rejections, and it does suck! and it sucks cuz my day job of science makes it hard for me to work on my current wip and get that out so i can at least not have my hopes on one book. just sharing.

Listen. You owe NO ONE an apology. You're 26. That's INCREDIBLY young, shockingly young. I've been trying to be a writer since I was 12. I'm 36. And it's only recently that I've actually felt like a real writer. I'm still a baby, really. It's no big deal. We'll get there. Just keep going. But if you let other people get under your skin, it won't happen for you. You must create for yourself ONLY. You've got this. But don't rush it.

Omg you’re only 26 and you already have an agent haha that’s so hard to get to that spot. Whoever is making you feel like you’ve should’ve already sold doesn’t know anything about the industry, just block em out and don’t talk about your work with them.

I’m just starting out and finding your videos very helpful. I am 41 years old just for perspective. I obviously can’t relate to the specific challenges you’re going through. Maybe I’ll be there by the time I’m 60. ;). What I can say though is stop worrying about what other people think and how other people feel. If it’s just a waiting game now, pour that energy into your next project and have fun. It’s a job but it’s also a calling right? Thanks again for your great videos.

Shaelin, you won't believe that I've been struggling with the exact same thing and though I'm a little younger than you, almost 18, I thought I'd publish a book before I'm 25 and seeing how hard it is and feeling like my book isn't good enough, I won't ever get there. I feel so bad for you, but I really pray YOUR dreams will come true! 😊❤

From brandon sanderson The journey from starting to write to actually getting published was long, frustrating, and difficult. I wrote 13 novels before I sold Elantris, which was my sixth. The big change for me happened when I managed to figure out how to revise. I always had good ideas and got better and better at storytelling. But it was the power of revision that finally got me published. It took about eight years of dedicated writing and being rejected.

I relate HARD to feeling stuck/disappointed in where you're at/like you're falling behind, and it's actually really reassuring to hear someone else being vulnerable enough to publicly admit to feeling that, so thank you for sharing this. I'm only like a year older than you and have been been writing & dreaming of having published novels since I was a child, but first uni and then fulltime work has really sapped my energy for writing so I don't even have a first draft and the disappointment in myself for that is REAL. From my perspective, I know publishing can be slow and everyone's journey with it is going to be unique. But also perception of time is Weird and much like I constantly forget it's not 2019 anymore, I hadn't realised you'd been on submission as long as you had! So I for one was like "well, publishing is slow, of course it's not published yet". Anyway I'm rooting for you and I look forward to reading Honey Vinegar whether it's published in one year or five (or twenty but hopefully you won't have to wait that long lol) :)

honestly in reality, in a lot of artistic industries, I think it can take a while for things to come out or be published, but most of us are exposed to stories of relatively quick success so that's what we come to think is normal and expect of ourselves and especially of others. Now obviously like you said you've been writing for almost 2 decades so that is hardly 'quick', but in terms of how long your book has been out in the world trying to get published, that isn't very long at all (at least to me? I know famous authors who've had award winning books on subimission for literal years. 10 months doesn't immediately sound like a long time to me). That's not to invalidate your feelings - feeling impatient, disappointed and weighed down by pressure are all natural parts of the process, because you're experiencing all of this in real time, and it's hard. But I think seeing things from bird's eye view can be helpful and give perspective, at least for me. That's why I've always liked the phrase 'it took 20 years to become an overnight success', the eventual success often overshadows the years and years of work and of frustration and impatience and disappointment that was experienced along the way, because we only see the end result. It also overshadows the relevance of taking your time to develop a skill set or a creative venture to the point where we can be proud of it when it goes into the world. That is NEVER something we should apologize for. I think it's honestly unreasonable for any of your viewers or anyone else to put pressure on you about when you're getting published, as if that is something you have complete control over. You''ll get published when you get published. All you can do is put time and effort into whatever will help that process along, and fundamentally WHEN it happens doesn't add or detract from the quality of the finished book.

Quit RU-vid and just write. Go live in a cabin in the hills for 6 months. That's from a 58-y-o man whose learned more about writing from you than anyone.

Shaelin, are you comfortable letting viewers know if your manuscript is going to both US and Canadian publishers or just Canadian? (CanLit is its own peculiar animal, that is for sure! I've given up trying to figure out why some Canadian works get published and others don't.)

Shaelin, Thank You for sharing. I'm pretty sure I just watched a video of yours about getting accepted on your first query!? 🏅 Perhaps I'm mis remembering. In any case, keep up positive affirmations, and when the timing and match is right, you'll have it. You do not need to prove anything to anybody, including yourself. ❤

I just want to say that I've been following for you a while. I've never thought this process was "taking too long" for you. The fact you got an agent at all by 26 is such an accomplishment. I have to ask: are any of your followers really thinking it's taking you too long, or are they just projecting excitement for reading your novel? I don't know, I know you know you're being too hard on yourself, but please take care of yourself.

Most first books are published by authors in their 30s and 40s. You would be doing extremely well to publish at 26. In the meantime, there’s so much life to live and experience, and you are no less a writer for not having someone else’s stamp of approval.

girlie I feel you so much it’s not even funny. I’ve self-published through Amazon KDP, but my main goal is to get an agent and go traditional. I’m writing my next book, but I feel so behind it’s not even funny🤧I’ve queried quite a bit and haven’t even managed to land an agent. You’re in quite a good spot to have representation, and you’ll be just fine with your amazing writing skills and incredible drive💛

Also I just want to say how much I love your writing channel ❤. Your content is educational, motivating, inspiring. I love to follow you in your personal journey, and I learn so much from you in every video. To me, you’re unlike any creator on RU-vid. If you ever quit your channel, I’d still be so thankful for your incredible backlog.

Shaelin, I get it. I grew up wanting to be an author and everyone in my life knew it, so the pressure of expectations from other ppl paralyzed me for a while in my 20s. I've had to adjust my own ideas of success etc. I have absolute confidence that you will publish and that you are a fantastic writer. I'm sorry that your RU-vid experience has made things tough for your writing journey. But you can trust that a lot of us believe in you and support you sincerely and wish all the best for you. No matter when or if you publish!

Sorry that your having these negative thoughts. I know how this can spiral. You and your channel have meant a lot to me and others. I've learned so much. I haven't published either. Can't wait to read Honey Vinager🙂🙂🙂

Hey Shaelin, I don’t usually write comments, but I had to say something. I’m a freshman in college who just decided to pursue creative writing after watching this channel for years. I doubt you’ll even see this (the internet is strange like that in that I feel I know your work so well but we will likely never meet lol) but if you do I just want you to know that you are legitimately the reason I had the courage to pursue my passion and you are my biggest writing inspiration. I have watched so many of your videos for writing advice because you just understand the craft in such an intimate way and know how to relate it so eloquently. I know I’m only one person, but your work is gorgeous and lyrical in a way that nothing I’ve read before is, and trust me, I read a lot! I can’t wait for you to get published not because I’m hoping for your failure but because I want so badly to read a novel of yours!! Anyways, I hope this comment reaches you because I wanted to let you know that you are making a difference with this channel, even if you’re not in the published world yet.

Dude this was real as fuck. The part about “I know there’s some portion of that 100k that wants me to fail and are waiting to write a negative review” is cool to hear. Usually videos from anyone are super detached, so it feels solitary for me listening in my car and I think we all know it’s (obviously) more personal for you making the videos and much higher stakes emotionally, but just hearing you actually say that it affects you was real. Like, no matter how much some people reassure you, you still also give weight to the negative people because it’s only natural.

I’m willing to wait until the end of time to read your book, Shaelin. A good story is worth it. :)

Thank you for your candor Shaelin 💟 Keep your head held high! You're a polished and disciplined writer, so publication will come one day

I don’t know how much one comment can really do to reassure you, but I am so far from watching these waiting for you to fail. Of all the writing people I follow on RU-vid, you really stand out as someone who is committed to their craft, to learning and growing. You consistently offer advice that feels less weighed down by opinion and personal taste than others. I will cheer any success that comes your way and my only real expectation is that you will write the books you want to write. Publishing involves so much luck and so much less depends on quality or originality than we are lead to believe. You are still young. Life is long and you will make a lot of books. Just keep moving forward, regardless of speed.

Shaelin, you are an inspiration to me and so many others. Please try to ignore the rude, obnoxious people who wish you ill. Please write them off completely. Too many of them take pleasure in seeing others suffer. They are not worth your time, energy, or consideration. You will never be liked by absolutely everyone. Even if all the most beautiful things happen with Honey Vinegar, some will automatically trash it. Regardless of your book deal. Regardless of awards and positive reviews. Regardless of copies sold, etc. You are such a thoughtful, considerate, passionate human being. You have exposed yourself and your journey for all to see and learn from. This has been an immense achievement. Others automatically feel the need to tear down success. I respect you and appreciate your frustration with getting published. It will happen. Please don’t allow the unreasonable, unsupportive trolls to have so much impact on your psyche. Cut them out. You will never please those asses wishing to see you fall. Follow your journey. Give yourself more than the grace you feel you deserve.

From Jami Attenberg’s recent newsletter: I am just trying to be honest with all of you. Peaceful and nervous, nervous and peaceful. This is my tenth book and I still feel this way! There is no guarantee of anything. We remain unsteady forever in this career, but we do it because we love it and when it’s right, and everything is working, it’s the only thing that feels quite like it.

Thank you so much for you honest feelings. I love your writing advice so much. Don't worry George G. Martin took 10 years to publish. Brandon Sanderson published his 6th book. And Jk Rowling published when she was 36. I believe you are good and there will always people who critise absolutely everything. It took me 3 years to finish my 2nd draft.

I'm glad you chose to talk about this because it shows that the road to publishing isn't perfect no matter how good you are and how hard you work at it. There's always going to be moments of doubt regardless of what stage of the journey you're in. Lots of us consider you a great writer even if you haven't published yet. Honestly a lot of the time it seems that publishing has so much to do with luck, having the right book at the right time, and other things that can be out of one's control (e.g. who you know, trends, etc.). There's no surefire way to do it.

I have noticed these comments under your videos, but I thought they were probably written by people, who... 1. are young 2. are not experieced in writing and can't see the value of your videos 3. have only watched one video of yours, to which they couldn't relate 4. are simply not the brightest and have strong opinions about everything I'm sure you agree to a certain degree. Crazy Commenters don't think about you in depth. There is no reason for you to think about them. However I can relate to you being unable to really let go thinking about those comments. Social media is crazy.