This one is quite popular despite it not being on the original CD release. You can buy it here: aphextwin.warp... track 19 [side 5, track 2, omitted from CD's]
@0:00 stone in focus @09:45 stone in focus @19:30 stone in focus @29:15 stone in focus @39:00 stone in focus @48:45 stone in focus @58:30 stone in focus @1:08:15 stone in focus
I came back here to proudly say I overcame depression and panic disorder, and at my darkest times this song made me feel understood and added a little sweetness to the sad
This song makes me think of my dad. We are both very quiet people. Growing up, I remember him playing songs by Stars of the Lid to help ease me to sleep as a weird, insomnia-ridden kid. A week or so after I discovered this song (and subsequently became obsessed with it,) I walked past his room in which he was programming to hear those familiar chords creeping from underneath the door, as he was listening to it out loud. I remember going inside and talking to him about the song, how I had just listened to it recently, and how wonderful it is. It's moments like those that I owe to Richard's music. I love my dad
I love how this song touches people so deeply. There's definitely something transcendent about it. I'm glad you love your dad and what a dad! Playing you Stars of the Lid.
I was one of those weird insomnia-ridden kids. My step-dad didn't play me music. Now my 8 year old has a lot of nights he cant sleep, and I share music like this with him. It warms me to know these kind of things aren't forgotten.
That's so lovely to read! Whilst my father and I have never bonded over Aphex Twin, I know that I owe my love of so much music to his eclectic tastes and all the incredible music he exposed me to growing up. So much I didn't like at the time, but it definitely shaped my musical tastes and I've grown to love now. I love my dad too!
I've always been fascinated by loneliness, by the feeling of my own insignificance in the scheme of the universe, but not in a bad way, I love feeling confronted by the sublime and being overcome by emotion to the point of tears. My fondest memories all revolve around this idea: looking out the window of a bus in the middle of the highway at night, looking up through the tree tops at the moon in the middle of a forest, the cold of an empty street just before sunrise. I love feeling melancholic and nostalgic, somehow I feel happier when I'm a little sad. And this music encapsulates that feeling to such a degree that its hard to believe it was not made for me. I used to feel alone, for as many people as I would tell about this feelings I couldn't find anyone that understood, let alone share this ideas. But being here, reading your comments, I know that all human experience is shared, that I'm not the only one, and that even if we don't know each other, when I listen to this, when I feel what I feel, there's someone out there that resonates with me and that I'm not alone, the sublime engulfs us both.
" I love feeling melancholic and nostalgic, somehow I feel happier when I'm a little sad." That's exactly the definition of my mind. Never found anyone who could relate. Thanks. We aren't alone, we understand each other. It feels good. I wish you to drop the most meaningful tears on your cheeks. They reflect the beauty of the world. Don't forget this.
i’m in the same boat. i’ve always enjoyed walking around when the weather starts to get colder and it is overcast outside. beautiful but in a sad way. i cant get enough.
Abraham you've described the inner feeling I've felt for so long that has been so difficult to describe with words perfectly. The melancholic, although happy feeling when listening to this song. The feeling of sadness, yet happiness when thinking of walking down a quiet, snowy street, on an overcast cloudy day in December. The feeling of eternal loneliness, yet being at peace with it. It can only be described like this, and for someone who doesn't understand the feeling, you cant explain it.
I came here to tell you that I haven't yet beaten depression. But I learned how to live with it. There's so much more to life than our narrow field of view allows us to see. I'm going to therapy once every week. I got a job happily working as a full-time sound designer for a big video game. I don't see myself as a worthless parasite anymore. I'm okay with my position in society and in the world. There are so many things I need to overcome, but I'm confident that I have the tools to deal with those. This song kept me company in the deepest, darkest places of my mind.
I'm the same. I was going to Rio Grande Gorge Bridge in 2016 and many years later, moving from Las Vegas NM to Diné Nation, I found out the world is indeed a emotional bubble of lies to one another and that is going towards the monsters and bullies as well. It's not their fault or anyone's. It's just life and being open about their criticism towards you makes each other smarter to be true and to be enjoying the honesty of being a human. Whether it would be sad, mad, happy. It may sound weird but these times are past their depressing days. We are either Pro human or Pro death. When I feed the birds they teach me that. I'm starting to be a beekeeper. I hope life will matter to the corrupt rich people. Love to you from Diné Nation.
I take a lot from your 'narrow field of view' comment.....for me it's like you / me can only see within one perceived reality and exclude everything else. I find I do this a lot. I can take a situation and it becomes my full focus and eventually it becomes my only reality and becomes extremely damaging. I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 when I turned 50 (what a birthday present that was), this tune has been with ne a long time but means more to me now than ever before. It tunes me in. I've always described it as the universe breathing inside us. Thank you for your post, not often I say that I take a lot of comfort in your words and your subsequent actions. 'When your going thru hell, keep going' - Winston Churchill
This music makes me think about life. I have cystic fibrosis. My lungs are okay at the moment but my liver is slowly giving up. Im curious and a bit frightened about the future of my life. Yet im not scared to die. Heck i almost died in February of blood loss because of my destroyed liver. (Vomiting blood is not a very nice feeling) No one really asked me how i feel mentally after this whole situation. I just kept going without looking back. No time to show weakness. I dont want to hurt or stress my family more with the whole stuff that took part. I am more scared of facing life, having to worry about love, money, friends, wealth. How much do i have to suffer in this life until its over? I will only give up on life, if my body does. Its those thoughts that keep my up at night...
To live is to suffer. You've given meaning to that suffering though, and so the same thing is applied to your life. I would say that you're giving more thought and effort than the vast majority of people, and I respect that immensely.
I feel a sense of kinship with everyone here in the comments. Our paths intersect as we listen to this masterpiece, even though we may be strangers. It makes me question the notion of what it even means to be a stranger. In the words of a dear friend of mine, 'I hope you're well, and you know that I love you.'
Wonderful comment Grant. The words of your friend that you shared with us is being passed along like a bucket of drinking water. I'll be hollering at my friends now in the same way. It's a beautiful way of checking in. This song is so wild. Can't believe music can put people in such a thoughtful state. Cheers from Wisconsin!
This will always take me back to the early days of my relationship. I turned this on while giving my boyfriend a back massage and he fell asleep in my bed. He has very bad insomnia and does not get a healthy amount of sleep most nights so this was special. It was such an ethereal moment when I laid down next to him with this song playing and admired how gorgeous he is. It was the first time I got to see his resting face and it brought tears to my eyes, such a beautiful memory. ❤
Exactly my experience. I'm currently facing my karma though. Doing shadow work. Just meditating to this, I've been getting a lot of visuals of patterns in my past. I thought my karma was losing a woman who I still love but that was just what triggered the awareness of what I'm facing. Reality is that the patterns that made me push her away had been present for over a decade. 11:01 pm.
Idk how to describe this song. It gives a feeling of nostalgia and a longing for a past that once was, but also gives the feeling, "you came all this way, and for what?" Melancholic and nostalgic, but also a sense of incomplete. Thank you for this hour long loop 😌
My grandma will pass away from kidney disease in a few hours. I'm currently at her bedside, playing this song for her. She seems so much more comfortable now. It's easy to forget, but being with a dying person is a reminder that life is a special gift. And a short one at that. Let's all do our best to enjoy it while we're still here. We're all in this together
I had a copy of this song in the late 90s on my computer. I was a big fan of Aphex’s ambient works ii album, and found out the vinyl version had more songs. I went searching for a copy of the song and upon listening to it I couldn’t believe that this gem had been left off the CD release. It was by far the best song on the album, and I love the rest of the album already. For a long time, this song was my own special thing. Something perhaps only a few people knew about. But it seems this song has endured the test of time, and it’s audience has expanded greatly over the years. This song has been in my life for over 25 years … and I still come back to it again and again like a cold comfort. Good music will always find the listener eventually. I’m glad the whole world can hear my slice of heaven now.
2020 just started, and I'm still looking for answers to questions I haven't asked myself yet. I don't know where I'm going but at this moment I retrieved peace in my head, coming back here to listen to this music. I wish the best to anyone reading this, have a good life
I'm glad you're still listening to real electronic music in 2020 man. Cheers to that alone. I hope your year is fruitful and many blessings come your way.
I’ve never listened to a song that made me so calm but filled me with such fear, fear for a future that I’m not excited for, ambitions I don’t want to achieve, responsibilities I don’t want to take on, struggles I know could be avoided. Yet, this song also reminds me I’m not the only one, I’m one of many aimlessly floating along, anyone and everyone can relate to me no matter how different they are. We’re all living the same life with different choices, that’s what it’s all about. Choices. This song makes me reflect on all MY choices. What could I have done better, what can I still do? We’ll have to find out
I know that 99% of us in this comment section are thinking about life right now and what the next steps are. If it makes you feel any better, we’ve all just figured out how to improve as human beings.
nope, all i do is ponder about world issues, while in my own life i merely ponder about what i could have and can do, without ever actually doing it. i am stuck and feel alone but the hardest step to breaking loneliness is interacting with new people which i have an issue with an itself as i have incredibly low self worth issues.
My bunny yesterday Tien came out of surgery from an abscess and he died on the table and was brought back, holding back tears I went to pick him up after this, then we spent the ride back in the car listening to this. We prayed and prayed and night came I recorded him trying to save videos to look back on how he was a miracle bunny. Turns out he only came back to say goodbye. The next morning he passed. I woke up a little after and noticed he was not stiff but but was stiffening. Heartbroken. On the way to his cremation today I played this for him and the sun shown brightly down on him. I gave him my final goodbye and kissed him as they took him away. I will always remember him with this song and how he took the time to come back to us to say goodbye to all of us. Each one of us pet him and in his weakened state he still jumped up to greet us. My little boy, until we meet again. Love you always Tien. Always.
I can listen to this for free any time I want. This is why I love RU-vid. 20 years ago, this was a dream for everybody. We gotta appreciate what we have. It is difficult though.
@@holliswilliams8426 well your dream has had a giant shit taken upon it. RU-vid is nothing more than a place for people to come to be censored. And it’s only gonna get worse. The sooner this platform can be burned to the ground and have something altruistic put it in its place the better
on the other hand..... 20 years ago you could buy these things called CDs, they cost ten bucks, and then not only could you listen to the music whenever you wanted, but you owned it, and could hold it in your hand and didn't have to be constantly connected to the internet or rely on some ad-supported data harvesting scam to enjoy your music collection. PS: Which is not to mention the fact that buying the CD directly supported the artist, whereas you pirating it off some youtube channel does not, and even if you are listening through some scheme that theoretically throws the copyright holder a fraction of the "streams" or ad revenue or whatever, ask small independent artists (like Aphex circa 1994) how that is working out for them and how much they make from it. Also its not free, whatever you may think -- you are paying $70 bucks a month just for the internet hookup (which if that goes away, goodbye music collection) not to mention the phone that has to be updated every 6 months that you're not allowed to change the battery in, and in any case you're paying with the selling of your personal data to advertisers and all the other privacy and social decay tradeoffs we have made in the last few years just to make this supposed "dream" a reality. The dream is a lot more like a nightmare when you walk outside and it's nothing but faces buried in phones, little kids addicted to tiktok, even families eating in restaurants (back when there were these physical places called restaurants before they all closed) are all just staring at their phones.... It occurs to me that back in the 90s, when I was digging through CDs in music stores and bought this album on a whim, nobody knew where I was, nobody was tracking me, nobody was monitoring my heart rate and brain chemistry and serving me ads, because I wasn't covered in wearable computer tech that is all built around harvesting my biometric data to track me in physical space and harvesting my psychometric data to serve me ads and eventually, predict and even stimulate the optimal times to feed me those ads for the products I'm most likely to buy. I spent long hours wandering around completely unconnected from everything, even unreachable by telephone, because the phone is back at the house hardwired into the wall... and that sense of freedom and autonomy was integral to my development as a person and I mourn for the kids that only experience the world through their phone and now if something interesting ever happens they hold up their phone and record it and watch it through the screen when it's right in front of their face. They're living their own LIFE like a fucking spectator. And they care more about the thumbs up emojis from strangers than the connections with the people they can touch and actually know. Wasn't it dangerous and scary to not have a phone and internet hookup in your pocket at all times? Yeah, and we had to deal with problems on our own and actually think critically and experience discomfort and develop confidence in our ability to handle life's difficulties. Maybe experience fear and maybe get hurt, maybe even die, and that's why it felt fucking real and meaningful and not like a videogame or a piece of content you can turn off when you no longer enjoy it. This is all very, very wrong, and only somebody who grew up before all this even knows what's been lost. And then we'll all be dead and you'll just be in your pods eating your cricket paste and loving all the free content you get through your neuralink and everything will be just fucking fantastic. You won't even get the chance to be sad for the human existence you never had because the instant your Whoop Watch senses mounting discomfort it will release a small payload of synthetic neurotransmitters into your bloodstream and level you right out. And your cricket paste will probably taste like filet mignon and your porn will be realer than real. And when you die you'll be broken down and recycled and no one will even know you existed. And they won't know I existed either but at least I lived while I was alive. I saw animals in the wild before they all went extinct and I got lost when there were still places hidden from the all-seeing gaze of digital surveillance. It's for your own good. you're too weak and stupid to be trusted or left to your own devices, and anyways its better here. You get free music and the ads only play on your eyelids while you sleep so what's the big deal. Shut up and eat your bugs.
I ended a relationship a few weeks ago, it was mutual and sweet. There was so much love, but we just weren't compatible together. Since then, all the loneliness I've been avoiding through this relationship became impossible and foolish to ignore. All my life, I've been running away from my sadness and loneliness, and myself. I felt wrong for the way I am, for enjoying long solo walks, stopping somewhere just to watch the scenes unfold... I feel like life itself speaks to me in these quiet moments, revealing a truth that's intangible but all encompassing, like a thick blanket. In deep solitude, I feel as if the world has inverted, and I am physically resting in my internal universe. And yet, I have this deep desire to share this unspeakable feeling. I admit, I have no idea how to connect with people, but I really want to learn. I have this huge fear that I'll just be met with confusion, or judgement, if I share this experience... but, I think the risk is worth it. I think it'll be worth it.
You're not alone, I also feel that way. There's this feeling that sometimes overcomes me when I awake late at night and there's no sounds to be heard but mine, some mixture of emptiness and happiness, as if being alone make me open up to feel the void and it's just amazing, and I wish there could be someone there to tell them _I feel this, do you?_
Connecting with people doesn't mean integrating them into our solitude, it is impossible to be together in solitude. To connect with a person, especially one who values their solitude as much as you, find someone who also isn't afraid of being alone, but will enjoy spending their time with you almost as much if not more. It should be easy to be with that person and not have to say anything, just quietly be there, and in that silence feel that love. Life is not about fitting in, don't fear judgement as it is a tool of the ignorant and narrow-minded. Instead, embrace the other, strange and different, eccentricity is not a disease, it is a cure. Find what makes you whole and champion it, the right person will surely find you out then.
Im really glad I took the time to read this, you have a way with words that i've never seen before, it is intellectual as it is beautiful. I wonder what your life was like, I wonder who you are, and I feel sorrow that I will never truly know you. Be as it may, I still wish you a good life.
They give me anxiety if I focus on them. They remind me of that falling train scene from cry of fear, as if these tick tocks are a timer for something horrible to happen.
@@lambertdoomer2167 Actually timelessness or being in a timeline can be a positive or negative in different contexts. Losing my timeline made me feel like I was out of body (which also can be peaceful or scary). But without time, everything and every moment are dissolving in each other. If we lost our timeline or we could not define ourselves in one moment, we could not exist. Tick tocks are creating the moments in a flow that we can exist in. (Like in the song) But...With every tick tock, I feel like we are dissolving in the air in every second. Time is making us older and making us wait for it. (Which can be good or bad) By the way, what is good or what is bad? I think the main question is this one. Time, can be scary or safe. Life, can be good or bad. Or maybe none of them and both of them at the same time?
first time I've ever heard this. 54 minutes in and I forgot time existed. Truly amazing. It's 2:01am. I'm so alone, but I feel so close to myself and people in the comments. I don't really understand life anymore. This has provided clarity and also more mystery. Past few months have been really tough. Feel like I'm feeling everything right now. Cried 2 minutes ago... or was it 20? I know now that I'm special and so are you.
listening to this song makes me feel greatful about the time we get to spent with ourselves alone, i mean yeah i do feel bad about sometimes not having a partner to share my thoughts and love but im sure i will find someone kind someday and be with her ❤ i hope to focus on my work and work hard to better myself now😊
Today I decided I am going to drop out of college and pursue my film career. I hope my directorial debut will capture the feeling I get from this song. I hope I can create something that is bold and unique. For the first time in a long time I feel like I am on a path and I have found inspiration in myself again. I’m done wasting time and focus on mindless suppression. Love each other and be kind and gentle to one another and I hope I can create something that will one day reach u
I can just imagine a huge empty hull of a spaceship that has been long abandoned floating through the cosmos every time I hear this track. Thanks for the loop Slowdive
Reminds me of when i was a kid in the back of my family's car driving back from visiting relatives at night and i'm super sleepy, drifting off into a dream while watching the stars and the passing streetlights and this song just puts me in that headspace... It sounds like how i feel when extremely drowsy and half in a dream..
This song helped me get out the rage anger and sadness over my dogs death yesterday. My heart and my world are broken without him. I love and miss you Midas. You kept me whole and happy.
I know there are no words to say over something like that. Hugs, if you want them. Hope the wound is starting to close over now. And if sometimes days are still tough, well, the song will be here when you need it.
I really hope you are doing better. I completely understand where you are coming from. Dogs are truly a type of companionship humans can’t make up for. It sounds like the dog was a very good boy. I lost a dog very dear to me once. It took some time but I finally made the decision to get another and he is on par with my original Blue Heeler. Rex is not Gus but he’s amazing all the same in his own right. They both bring me an immense level of joy. Your dog loves you. You will be alright. Maybe even find another reason down the road to think about getting a new friend. RIP MIDAS.
Just the notion of so many individuals feeling this song in the core of their being and then sharing their deepest thoughts in this comment section is so remarkable to me. What a masterpiece of humanity.
Started my new job today, thrown straight into the deep end and I've had one of the roughest and most stressful shifts of my life. Finally get home, put my headphones on and listen to this straightaway and my worries soon disappear.
The best drug I`ve found for escaping lifes problems is free from harmful toxins, you can consume all you want and even become fully hooked on it without any negativle repurcusions and it`s called music. I am in the second week of a new job and every shift so far has tried to break me. Yeild not brother!!! Grab it by the nuts and take the bastard down!!!!!
for all the guys that think about life, i have something to say: you are everything, your world is you, you can chose to be everything you want. chose love and be it, as you become it you will receive it any instant. you dont have to let your life create your state of being, dont feel it like a punkshment or a sad fate, life is only mirroring aspects of your being. chose love and be kind, and enjoy the experience as an unfolding of your state of being. you are everything, but you can see only one thing at a time, chose to be love and you will see love everywhere, i promise :). try it! be love for yourself, for every litle thing that are. 😊
This song always puts everything into perspective for me. Sometimes the right thing to do is to isolate yourself with nothing but a few songs like this playing and just think about your place in the lives of others
tell your friends you love them, man. you never realize how little time we all have, be sure to make it known to the people you care about how much you care. dont be afraid to tell your buddies you love them. my girlfriend of almost 2 years broke up with me last night and theyre the ones that kept me going. i know i certainly dont show as much appreciation to the people in my life as i should, so im changing that. tell people how much they mean to you before it all slips through your fingers, because nothing is permanent.
@@KawaiiKittyKat79 Yeah, me too. I've always wanted to create a competitive soccer's fastest foot-works video to accompany his Heliosphan composition found on the 85'-92' album... or maybe a slick extreme Parkour video would fit nicely.
Whenever I find myself coming back to this, I'm at a different point in my life. Serenity, loneliness, despair, hope, stoicism, loss. All deep variable emotions and profound senses of being elicited at different times by one single piece of music. That could be as meaningful or meaningless as you decide it to be but I personally find that symbiosis to be something truly miraculous.
I'm drifting in outter space. Waiting for someone to cross my path, even though I know that we'll just pass by each other and keep drifting our own way. My hope would be to someday find someone going about the same direction as I am, and travel together for a while
I will always remember this song. And I keep coming back to it after 15 years. It will always remind me of the wonder I felt when I was a teenager, smoking weed in the weekend with my friends and questioning rules, meaning, looking for new experiences that made me feel alive. I remember one of those weekends I had just downloaded this album during the week and I wanted to give it a listen. We usually just took the time of being together, each one with their own MP3 player listening to whatever we wanted individually and then just sharing songs with each other. When I pressed play on this song for the first time I must have been really high and was lying on a very neat bedroom, in a house away from the city in the woods, alone. And I just laid there for the straight 10 minutes of the song, closing my eyes. By the end I was breathing in tune with it, I felt so calm, and I felt as if everything was moving to the rhythm of those clock ticks and the waving melody. And I said to myself "this is exactly what the universe sounds like". And I didn't really mean it in a poetic way... I feel like, if one could ever listen to the entire universe from afar, it would just be something like this. Time passing. A never ending, constant wave of a calm melody that sums up the existence of everything, the meaninglessness of everything but also the possibility of it, and with it, hope.
This is the kind of music that soothes the searing pain in my shattered heart and broken mind. I can feel the pain of nostalgia and homesickness burn as the years pass by. It's the kind of song that holds me close at night when it seems as though all is lost. Anyone else feel this way?
Yeah its soothing, feeling like something i think about my home town for its old dead and run down now. When i was younger that place was full of life people were laughing and socializing in every corner. Now i see washed run down faces no smiles and the nostalgia just hits you. This thing is something i listen to when i am falling asleep. need this almost every night.
"French composer Claude Debussy said, “Music is the space between the notes.” As a minimalist, I love this quote: it reminds us that beauty needs a certain amount of emptiness to be appreciated. The space between notes allows them to resonate, reverberate, and reach their full measure of expression." www.missminimalist.com ›thespacebetweenthenotes
I lost my Dad just over a month ago and am physically and mentally exhausted from being ´strong´. Strong is good - necessary - but I can also feel the grief in the pit of my stomach like a lead weight. Listening to this song is like releasing a pressure valve. All the things that I wished could have been different when he was still here: I accept, listening to this song, that they don't matter now. He loved me and that love lives on in me. Love you Dad. xx
I’m listening to this on a rainy afternoon, it’s pouring, thundering, lightning. This song gives a feeling of loneliness, but a small chance of hope. And this song combined with the rain? Chefs kiss.
This song makes me think of my departed love. She loved it in the wonderful version with the zen monkey. She was beautiful, and now I've lost her. I hope I can see her again someday. 💔
I feel like this song amplifies the time passing. I can see my childhood memories flashing in my eyes. Someday these memories will be so far away, yet so close. We forget it's all temporary, we get stuck in minor problems and drain ourselves. Calm down. It's all going to be okay. Whatever you fear, you have the strength to get past it.
That constant clicking in the background is your life slowly going away. Or, if you prefer this to be a more ethereal song, this ticking is your life coming back to you slowly through the memories this gives you, giving you a stronger will to live. Everyone sees this song differently. This is why it's so beloved by so many.
This song oddly felt like a comforting friend when I was going through some stuff, some good and some bad. Thank you for this and may all who listen have a great life filled with love.
Never in my life would I have thought that such simple music could make me feel so at peace with everything. This and Rhubarb ... medicine for my soul. Thank you for this and the other AT loops aswell.
finally someone who gets it. everyone else in this comment section seems to be spiraling further and further into depression with this as the soundtrack. poor lost souls..
After years of infertility, I delivered my first child via c-section on Friday with this playing in the delivery room. It was perfect, he is perfect, I am filled with gratitude and love.
Apologies for being late to the party but i just wanted to say that if you ever happen to pick any Mushrooms of the Heavenly variety i beg to you to " LemonTek" 4g of said Gold ..... Half Lemon squeezed into Tall Glass , I then add a touch of Bee Juice for a sweet feel , Stir to blend , Sit for 5 mins then Injest , Then & only then will you be taken to the High Lows & Anything inbetween this Glorious Ear - Candy offers... I Love You TIA Exec Chef Debbie ❣️
When i feel lonely and it's hard to hold all this heavy nostalgia about close ones who have gone, about times I had long long ago when i was a carefree kid - I come here, listen to Aphex and read all your comments. It gives me hope and strength to live further. I can almost feel this gentle hug of someone so close and dear. Thank you, guys. You saved me so many times without even knowing about it. RU-vid comments, probably, is one of the main reasons why I still believe in humanity.
Everything will be alright while still a lot might not be alright. It's okay. We're all gonna be okay. That's the genius of this track for me, sad and happy at the same time, it's encompassing a real feeling which most of the time is much more than just sad or just happy, like sitting in a bus going to work and just looking out the window thinking about life, the good, the bad. So simple yet so magical. Dunno what else to say. Thank you Aphex Twin.
If I could hold all of you in my arms, hug all of you here in this video with me, I would. My mental illness has been paralyzing me most of these days. I’m at that point where no matter what album I play I want to throw my phone across the car in frustration. Somehow Aphex’s music still manages to calm me enough to scrape by. Seeing that I’m not alone in these emotions makes me feel a little less isolated. I hope that whatever has made you decide to get this far keeps you going, that we all find what we’re looking for despite how long we’ve been at it. I hope that I can meet you at your summit peaks, and likewise mine. I hope we all make it. It’s the only kind of love I can hold onto in this despair, I hope it reaches some of you too ❤️
Becca...sending you energy and light. I hope that every day you can find some little thing that brings pleasure and inspiration...a squirrel burying a nut. Two kids jumping double dutch. The smell of your neighbor baking brownies...
@@lachiebosman8511 I'm doing a lot better in some ways, and there's other ways where I feel like I haven't changed, if that makes sense. But my life has definitely improved. Mental illness is just endlessly persistent, as much as one persists on resisting it.
I suffer from endogenous depression. All my life I have suffered, and only rarely experience euphoria. You are not alone, I love you, you and I are the cradles of chaos. I hope you see its beauty
I listen to this at 0.75 speed almost daily, sometimes multiple times a day. I use it as a meditation, it instantly puts me in SUCH a calm state. No matter what I’m doing. It slows me down, and makes everything manageable. It makes me more present, and grounded. I have a massively deep appreciation for this song. And specifically this looped version of it. I LOVE it. And it loves me. And I love reading these comments and seeing how many other people resonate with it. Thank you all.
It is genuinely amazing how monolithic and emotionally powerful this is. The fact that people commenting so many experiences and emotions shows how truly powerful music is as a whole. This is the stuff you hear when your drifting through outerspace or you finally found inner peace. Truly some awe inspiring and very powerful stuff right here
One of the genius things about this track is how subtle it’s structure is. The variations to the ticking divide the piece into sections, alongside an instrumental that would otherwise seem to be completely devoid of structure. The way the ticking comes and out as well as it’s fluctuating tempo tie the piece together into something coherent, whilst at the same time providing a sense of timelessness
Hogen, a Chinese Zen teacher, lived alone in a small temple in the country. One day four travelling monks appeared and asked if they might make a fire in his yard to warm themselves. While they were building the fire, Hogen heard them arguing about subjectivity and objectivity. He joined them and said: "There is a big stone. Do you consider it to be inside or outside your mind?" One of the monks replied: "From the Buddhist viewpoint everything is an objectification of mind, so I would say that the stone is inside my mind." "Your head must feel very heavy," observed Hogen, "if you are carrying around a stone like that in your mind."
@@aden2276 This little story is a koan, from a book I have called Zen Flesh, Zen Bones. Koans don't have a "moral of the story" in the sense that you are thinking of. Koans are riddles which Zen masters give to their students with the intention of allowing them to reach "satori", which sort of means something similar to illumination, or seeing the nature of reality as it truly is. The riddles are a sort of organised nonsense, which the students are supposed to meditate on in order to reach this higher state of awareness. I can't really tell you exactly what the koan means, because even if there was a meaning, me telling you wouldn't make you get it. It would be like expecting you to find a joke funny after explaining to you why the punchline is funny - the effect is lost! The best thing I could suggest is thinking about the state of mind each of these monks must be in, such that they have behaved in this way. By the way, Zen students often spent months or even years wrapping their heads against a single koan, so if you don't find that you can answer it sufficiently, don't worry, you are in good company!
Ive had sleep paralysis for many years now and hardcore insomnia, sometimes I sleep 45mins a day for a week but this song, this is the only thing that helps me calm down, rationalise and slow down my thoughts. Crazy what music can do
I feel this is a song that becomes relevant to those of us whom, after a long period of grief is coming back slowly to reintegrate with society, missing parts of ourselves, lost friends, dreams and hope. Hence the stone in focus. We are focused on building the next steps of our lives. The best is yet to come, yet being right here at this moment holds the same breath of our best times to come.
listened to an hour of this writing an e mail to an old friendship that ended bitterly, Richard surely knows how to evoke emotions and memories and tug at your heart strings in the best way possible.
Since years I come back here to listen to this masterpiece and to read some of the thoughts here. It's just great for inspiration in writing. Im not an introverted person or anything but the thought of living alone on such a beautiful snowy mountain... this is the dream.
I yearn for speed. It's the one thing in my life for which I don't have to ponder about it for it to make sense. Give me a set of wheels, give me a road. I need nothing more. When I'm behind the wheel of a car, I feel alive. I first experienced this feeling when I was in my teens. There I was, 15 years old, no real sense of identity, no real friends, disappointed with how nihilistic and down trodden the world seemed. That was until the universe decided to grant me a moment of solace, a moment for which I'm forever grateful. My Mom took me and my brother to a go kart track, I got in the car, expecting nothing special. The warm up lap came and I was unwittingly being led by my own subconscious to instinctively memorise every part of the track. The group of karts slowly moved across the track, eventually the start/finish line was in sight. As we crossed the line, signalling the start of the race, a part of me came alive that I never knew existed. I put my foot down. Instantly, I realised that I no longer felt like I was in a car, driving it, but started feeling like the car was an extension of my body, an inseparable part of me. For the first time in my life, I felt alive. In that moment, there was no such thing as law, there was no such thing as sovereignty, society, race, religion, creed, philosophy, or just about anything that had anything to do with being evolved beings. There was nothing but the raw and primal surge of adrenaline rushing through my veins and the sheer euphoria that came as a result of it. My concept of the whole world and all of its darkness and all of its light had faded away. The only thing that was left was that which I truly valued, speed.
I'm currently 16, I discovered this song a few years back, it helps and helped with my insomnia. It helped me through a really tough childhood; now I'm going through the stress of exams and not knowing what I'll get, just having people above me putting all this pressure on me to pass. I don't know where I'm heading. I mean, I know I have years to discover my path, or atleast that's what I'm told but as of right now life is pulling me down. I lost a family friend today from covid, a young guy who had perfectly fine health and was an inspiration to my family. It shows me how time can pass quickly. This song not only helped me with my nightmares, but it's getting me through the feeling of loss, and not knowing what's going to happen to my future.
I turned 26 two days ago, spent the last 10 years wondering what I should do, who I want to be, and always had a hard time coming up with an answer. Just a tip, do not see the whole black or white. Make sure you get all the opportunities you can educationally and just pursue your interests. Time will show what moves you and accompanies you longer and what really drives you. It's not wrong to try things you don't know if they're right for you. After all these years I have come to the realization that this is not a question with only one possible answer. You can do many things, nothing is fixed forever. Just stay true to yourself and don't lose your focus, then you are on the best way to achieve everything you want. Peace 👽
I'm 26 and have struggled and still somewhat struggle with living up to expectations. My best advice would be to ask yourself before you ask anyone else if you're happy with your results. Then whether you're happy with them or not, really go deep into why. Sure other people want you to do well and will naturally expect you to achieve at least the level you have done in the past, but that generally comes from a good place of wanting to see someone they care for succeed. They can be good guides that can tell you you'll need X set of results to go down Y career path, but you are your own person so in the end, it only really matters to you what results you get.
I'm 16 too, and feeling quite lost. I feel like I saw your account and name and profile picture on another aphex twin video, i don't remember which one. It's cool to see you as a bit of a recurring character in my life. I don't really know how I'm going to end up. I used to be the most avid dreamer alive, loving life, passionate, having overcome my demons, and knowing what to do... and somehow I've forgotten everything I've experienced and learned, for a reason I can't even comprehend. It's like I sabotaged myself, and didn't take what I was doing seriously, and ended up in the hazy, disconnected, limbo-esque spot. I ruined my grades in high school yet the pressure that my family has on me runs high. I really don't know what's going to happen - if I'm going to end up as a wasted janitor who wish he took the advice of his elders who didn't understand his passion in his youth, or if I really will become the artist I've wanted to be, making genuine heartfelt things, and changing lives. I wonder if I really was just a delusional kid who didn't know the truth about the world, but i DID. I wish I could meet you and talk to you somehow, but it feels like every step I take is some kind of mistake. I don't know if I'll ever see or feel the beauty of life again the way I once did. I wish I could have kept that person alive for as long as possible. I might end up as a lawyer, an architect, a minimum wage job worker in a soul-deadening awful town while everyone I've ever known moves ahead and I lose my youth... I don't know. I really don't know what's going to happen. I feel like. I feel like these past 2 and 2/3 years have been a mistake. How did I end up here. Where am I going to go?
@@meh3083 Yes :) I've commented on a lot of aphex twin videos, mainly for the purpose that his songs take everything I'm feeling out; and for the fact I'm from the UK and many people here my age do not listen to any music like this at all. No one knows where they will end up, sometimes I wish it was possible to see a future before my eyes so that I know what to do right instead of doing multiple things wrong. I've always suffered with the fact that I'm growing up day by day without even coming to the realization until the night, where it's quiet, cold and my mind is running over every individual thought that runs through my head. I've always been reliant on my mother, no one else but her and the fact that someday she will be gone, and I will have no reliance upon an individual does break me. But I have to push through those thoughts, in todays society we are told that we have to get the best of grades, go to the best of colleges or university to evolve successfully in our careers, it's almost like you have those few years of you childhood where there is no worry, yet as you grow the stress lingers upon you. It's almost like todays society is just a competition, a competition of who can become successful and who can't. Get fantastic grades, attend an amazing college/university, get a job that makes you earn so much money (although you may not be happy), meet someone, start a family, die. But 9 times out of 10, those who die are not happy sheep'squestion whether we have worth, what job we will end up, if by the time we're in our 20's/30's we'll be financially stable enough, and happy enough to keep on going ahead. Since a young little girl I've always questioned everything, like for instance every sector of the earth, humanity, time, death. To find that many people around me do not even have any thought of those questions. The beauty of life isn't always found, but it does come across once in a while; and it will to you as well. I've found that people who are in the worst of situations somehow do find the concept of the world, and the beauty. In account, those who don't have much money, are usually the happiest. If you ever want to talk my discord is SophKar#2597. I'm hoping you will see me again.
@@PrimaLuxRadio ye lemme just create memories in head and moments that can never be repeated because it was about who they were with. Oh wait ya can't, it just fucking hurts.
I’m slowly coming to terms with how my first relationship destroyed me physically and emotionally. My ex never cheated (that I know of), but she wore me down into raw nerve and bone with the casual nature of her neglect and emotional stonewalling. I can’t articulate how it made me feel. I was never hit or called names, but her body language and the way she treated me made me emotionally sick. I still am sick. I don’t miss her. I don’t miss the “good times,” but I miss when I was happy. I am emotionally ill and deeply hurting for who I used to be. I want to forget this pain and I want to heal. I can’t believe I was ever treated this way and allowed that to happen. This music is what my mind could sound like if given musical form. I hope the people reading this take solace in that someone far, far away is wishing you well and wishing you love and happiness.
Part of the journey I'm afraid. Its the only way we learn these lessons in things like love, we have to go through it and hopefully we make it on the other side with more clarity. I really relate to what you said about only now you're started to realize how bad the relationship was for you, its been 2 and a half years since i broke up with my first long term girlfriend, and I'm only realizing the pointless almost poisoness nature of our relationship. Don't rush into anything new, seriously take the time to learn about yourself again and don't ever compromise who you fundamentally are for anyone, within reason of course.
makes me tear up.. im so sorry that happened to you. I hope there will be something else in your life to give you joy and peace, sometimes i feel like such things cant ever come from being with a person. bcs it always breaks to pieces 💔
@@8304Hustla unfortunately I have an update. She came back and made amends. She said every beautiful and wonderful thing I could have hoped for. Everything. The time between late August and now was wonderful. Then it came crashing to and end. I mentioned I was sad because I didn’t get to do anything for Halloween, she blew up and ended things. I’m emotionally destitute. I will never be the same. Dared to love again and now she’s leaving my life again, this time I’m worse off. My thoughts are so dark that I’m debating getting my hunting rifle and going to a better place. But my dog would suffer, and so would my dad. If not for those two I would have done it. I don’t want to be a part of this world anymore. I just want to be at peace. I’ve been hurt and abused my entire life and this is the last straw.
"take solace in that someone far, far away is wishing you well and wishing you love and happiness." Now take that unconditional love and give it to yourself, day after day, week after week, year after year. Your problem isn't the behaviour of other people, it's how you treat yourself. Take full responsibility for the relationships you invested into, remove their power (they had none over you to begin with), accept who you are, truly, and then love that person. For whatever reason, you have tricked yourself into thinking you need an external source of love and acceptance to feel whole. You only need your own love and acceptance. Once you have genuinely fixed that relationship with yourself you will no longer seek its second-hand equivalent through others. Then you can start a relationship from well-being. As for your ex. It is not your job to heal them, and you couldn't even if you wanted to without healing yourself first. For your own sanity, let them go, focus on you. Trust me, you have time to find others, and you will attract far healthier people once you are in a healthier place. If you want to know how you should look at yourself, look at your dog.
I’m going to be 26 years old by the end of March ( Aries ) and this song makes me think of everything from the past from elementary school to rn in my life.. it’s been a long fast journey. If you have a goal in life do it. Be the best you can be Thank you Richard +++
I never wanted a fractured mind. I never wanted to be here in Nigeria. I never wanted to be 43 and in a Niger Delta swamp, protecting the assets of an unscrupulous oil company while hungry people literally live in shacks a few hundred meters away. My own tiny portacabin on the rig-camp is stained, bug infested and uncomfortable but a paradise compared to what they have. I am here eating garbage food, having my few, poorly paid armed guards avoiding the armed gangs and just waiting for my first ever bout of malaria… everyone gets it here. It’s not like Libya…I don’t even earn that good salary for being here, unarmed and alone in one of the worst kidnapping capitals of the world but then I never did in Libya or Afghanistan before it. But I am an aging Infantry veteran who has been in the security industry for a decade now and have nothing else? I cant work back there, England is no longer my home, I cant stand it there watching obediently as it slides into this techno-medical totalitarian police state like its completely normal… so I am looking at small sailing boats and learning to sail to escape the insanity. I am childless and the house is completely in her name and I think that the relationship of 13 years is done anyway? I will get out of her way with my insomnia and sleeping pills and valiums I have to take when back there. It’s not PTSD even though I have seen so many things that most people couldn’t imagine… I just cannot reconcile how evil the world can be, how bleak the future seems, how many other things I should have done. I am fascinated by nature, by science, I am a history addict, a photographer and philosopher. It keeps me up at night thinking how odd it is that my mind and soul is in this vehicle that goes to these hells on earth…when really all I want is peace and beauty. One day I will sail that small boat into the Atlantic. If there is a still day and I have no wind I will listen to this track on an expansive endless sea under the immense dome of the blue sky, thousands of miles from anything and try to heal my fractured mind and find peace? If not I sail onwards… an ever-troubled wanderer… You, gentle reader, if you are comfortable and know your place in the world and see your path and are happy then I envy you as much as I am happy for you. May your life be beautiful and full of fruits of your labors that bring joy and experience to you. For those who are fractured, unsure, unnerved and lay awake listening to the deafening silence. I love you as one of my own. We who wander the wasteland in search of our better selves.
Absolutely beautifully written, and I relate on many levels. I hope today you are OK. Sending love❤ come and take sleeping tablets with me , a fellow insomniac. 🎉
lately I often play this song at night, when there's nothing more to do and I'm on my own. It feels the most real compared to the rest of life. Like the pure essence of my current state of existence Something about hope, but thats only a rough word for the thing itself I feel
Its a very strange and alien thought, to think that somehow it all ends. The irony of thinking such a thought, with a brain made of star matter created a billion years before. Where do you think you're going? Where do you think we're going? We already got there. We're already here. Stay a while. Put your Stone in Focus.
Listening to this into 2021. Not sure how I’m still here but I know this song is part of it. Sending all you humans out there a warm embrace. Yes you that for some reason is reading this right now. I know it really really sucks right now. It’s so hard and you’re going through the toughest moment in your life. But you WILL get through this and become the fucking god you were put on this spinning rock to be. Embrace your destiny and earn this.
I am on the ship again. I work here, in the kitchen, whether I am running a galley team or I am training newcomers. I am 37 right now. I listen to this song quite regulary. It makes me think of my wife and my daughter back home. They have hard time, wife is also working, while taking care of the daughter and our flat. My main thoughts are going towards my daughter, she grows so fast, every time I come back, she is bigger. She is 5 now. I receive some pictures from them , next to a christmas tree for example. I will never have a chance to be there to relive that. I am not there now.
I am now here to say that this music turned my mind to a different direction. For my feelings about “committing die” thoughts are completely gone, and finally I am picking up a pace of doing more activities. I never have thought peace would exist according to this recent time (which is 2022), but there is. Thank goodness I didn’t succumb to my own thoughts in 2020…
Sometimes when we seek death, what we really seek is new life. You don't need to die to live a new life, you have to be reborn, whether through religion, or emotion, or material circumstance, whatever it might be, you need only act. Such is the power of the human spirit.
My closest friend left me. She suffered from an intense manic episode and the way she acted destroyed a relationship I thought would last forever. I miss her everyday. I would do anything to go back to how things were, but there is no way to undo what happened. I loved her more than anyone in the world, and she threw it all away. She probably doesn’t even remember what she did to me. I don’t know if I will ever love someone like that again.
