cualter, perhaps your father didn’t have a good example in order to learn to be a good father. Good fathers are not born they’re made. Children don’t come with instruction manuals, and some parents get along better with certain personality types
@@BarbaraM-lv7pe So what if he didn't? Why do you feel the need to create an excuse for someone you have never met?! If he was an adult he should be able to figure it out and do better.
I call it "energy matching." Instead of giving all of my energy, time and resources to my husband, I simply decided to match the energy my husband gave to me. So, if he ignored me, I ignored him. If he gave me 5%, I gave him 5% (not 205% as I was trained to do). If he gave me 50%, I gave him 50%. I don't consider that quitting, but when I gave to him the same energy that he gave to me, our relationship died quickly. We're almost divorced and I continue to match his energy. Most days, he gives me 0%, I give him 0% and that's okay. I can't remember the last time my life was this peaceful.
……..or, you could just get a divorce, instead of going tit for tat like children, and just be free of his misogynist bull$h1t. Why are you there wasting your youth? Just divorce! Why would you choose NOT to move on????? It’s only good in the immediate short-term, prior to a quick DIVORCE. I don’t stick around for any man’s bull$h1t - they can $h1t or get off the pot. Men purposely waste your years, because they KNOW that women are treated worse by men (if that’s possible) as they get older. NEVER WASTE YOUR TIME AND YEARS ON A MAN.
The unbelievable part about women quiet quitting their marriages is the dudes don't even notice unless all it effects them directly. If she stopped doing his laundry or making him dinner. He'll notice that but he won't notice that she stopped talking to him and stopped looking to him for any kind of support. They are just happy she's leaving him alone and not asking him to do anything for her. The part that they're happy about the most is she's not telling them her feelings anymore. They don't want to hear how you feel because they don't care.
I didn't know this was a thing. For myself, I've always been someone that will fight for a relationship all the way up til when I'm done. When I've finally stopped arguing, that's the time to be worried, not a time to all of a sudden think things got better. If I've gone silent it's because I'm out.
It is sick to tell women who find themselves in this situation that, "more communication is needed.". Excuse me? I could talk until my face falls off. Go tell the men that! Describe perfectly that they say "yes" and don't do it, and then tell the woman more communication is needed. NO! Stop shaming us for shit we didn't break!
Communication in relationships is way overrated. Often a couple has problems because there is laziness, selfishness, anger, lies, stubbornness, or other factors in one or both people. Communication will not fix that
Agreed. I hate the "Just keep talking, going to therapy, etc, until you both eventually work things out". Sometimes certain relationships/marriages are just not going to work out and the best thing to do is realize that and figure out how to move on and heal. I don't believe in the "Just do whatever it takes to stay together" narrative. Why prolong your own misery?
My friend said her couples' therapist told her she has to learn how to "talk to men." Like in sign language? Does her husband suddenly not speak English? I told her to fire that therapist immediately.
It is sick and I support the quiet quitting movement especially when you have to resources and other things intertwined with your partner, make your exit plan!
Men are looking for their partner’s permanent level of unhappiness & think they hit the jackpot when she stops “nagging”. She’s done but can’t leave just yet. Then he’s “blindsided” when everyone but him saw it coming weeks, months & even years before.
@@HappyCrackers my communication problems are caused by a mother who was empowered to be a single mom after my father "abandoned her". But hers the thing she didn't chase child support until I was out of the house and now my half brother has 3 incomes and 2 whole parents to give him a childhood while, as we just discussed my life was sacrificed and used as a tool to feel empowered over my father. Cause women are weak, and they are the source of problems. Your issues lie in the lack of accountability and denial of responsibility. 😘 Nice try though, you didn't think you'd come against your own product of your own stupid ideological and biological behavior huh?
@@betawolfhd if she was "nagging" she was speaking to him. Interesting how you asked if she was sending smoke signals when the OP told you the form of communication she used. See, we constantly say y'all don't listen. Then here you are, being a case study.
@@quandraadams7583 nah, nagging is miscommunication. Even women respond the same way. Give the guy a to-do list. Some reasonable time to go through it. And do your stuff. Woman do it too. It's simply human nature. "Did you just tell me what to do? I was bout to do it. But now I'm not gonna." It also happens to work work the other way "Did you just tell me not to do this? I'm gonna fucking do it cause fuck you.....Look at me go!!!" Sound familiar? Nagging is telling, not asking. Honestly most men would be fine if you just hug them and give them a list instead of "nagging". When you give them a list give them your expectations and what rewards there may be. Don't be stingy though, if you stingy it only works once and then you ruin it. Don't have to be sex btw. Here's a thought, decide if you see your guy as a person, or as your property. Also, if hypergamy is womanly nature then why do women not have to control their base primal hypergamy instincts in a society that it is outdated for but men have to control their primal behavior? One possible answer is women can't handle their biology. Why do women "sell" the very thing that every woman has and can do thinking the dudes they put at the all you can eat buffet is gonna choose only one entree? This is probably why you have to "elevate" every woman. It's basically price fixing in the dating market. Furthermore. Why don't well off women except the role they chose to pursue and marry a man who can do all the manly things in the house besides be the breadwinner. Aka a house husband (maybe with a job themselves, depends.) But instead hypergamy, which makes the relative situation 2x the nonsensical. Why can't woman actually be good single parents? Why can't they accept they don't make good single parents? Why can't hurt woman not avoid taking it out on the child in one way or another by harming that child's ability to form various or specific relationships in the world? Statistics show. And statistically it's impressive I don't have a record, given how I was treated through my youth by my own "mother". And fuck hell on earth if I call her that seriously ever again.
No. That is a woman who doesn’t know how to or trust engagement in a healthy relationship. If you are quiet quitting you are relating by covert contract. “He should just know”. “Im done. But instead of ending the relationship I’ll let it continue on as a zombie until I can find his replacement…then blindside him with its end.” Really mature.
@@kellygreenii You're speaking from a hurt place and obviously projecting. Your experience is not everyone's experience and just because you lost doesn't mean that everyone else is the problem.
@@LoveAndSnapple No. I’m speaking from Reality. People who are not self-aware feel the need to blame others for the circumstances in their relationships. The one who is speaking from the “hurt place” is the one who feels the need to shame others and blame others as a way of avoiding facing their own flaws. The person who can say, “Hey this is where I messed up, and this is what I will do differently going forwards” is usually the wise and evolving person. They are usually the healed and happy person. TLDR: Never uncritically accept one persons version of a conflict as the whole truth. …and I rarely say never.
I quietly quit my marriage…I waited until after the 10 year mark (alimony,401k) was secured then I just let it go down the drain and quietly walked away 🚶🏾♀️🚶🏾♀️ 🚶🏾♀️
So why did you read your vows on your wedding day in the first place? Or even get married for that matter? I think people should just avoid marriage altogether and avoid longterm dating. It saves us all alot of stress and money as well. Marriage is over glorified. The only things that work are short term relationships, dating multiple people over a lifetime.
Why did the HUSBAND read those vows either? Why would someone give up on their marriage? Sure why bother getting married at that point! I’m happily married and it’s because we choose love and effort every day. That’s not easy.
I was miserable for YEARS and the ex didn't care. He never asked me how I was, he never wanted to talk, if I tried sharing my feelings he'd respond with anger SO OFTEN that I became quiet and smaller and holed up into myself. When I finally left him, he was SHOCKED. I can't believe he thought all was good. Idiot. 🤦🏻♀️
@starlingswallow9406 he isn't shocked you wanted to leave, he's shocked that you wouldn't put up with it any longer. It was a done deal in his head, it didn't matter how he treated you, he believed he would have his "comfort toy", no matter how much he battered it. His dog with the one button eye barely hanging on is still in his closet! Why wouldn't you? 💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞 I'm so sorry, and I'm so proud of you for choosing to not be miserable your whole life!!!! The in between sucks, it does, but I PROMISE it's worth it.
When I told my ex-boyfriend how I was feeling he told me "This is just how relationships are...." I was pissed because we were barely in our 20s and we were already arguing like some old married couple. He was raised mostly by his grandparents and he told me that his grandfather used to beat his grandmother...but they were STILL TOGETHER decades later. That's what these men want. Siphoning years and years of your spirit while you wither away.
I also think men are 'blindsided' because they think that the woman will NEVER actually LEAVE. They think she will stay and put up with being unhappy, they don't seem to realise that women today have more options than their ancestors who HAD to stay in relationship because their physical survival depended on the man.
True. However, in a twisted way, physical survival is still dependent on a man to a degree, because men become violent when rejected. I wish they would fade away quietly, but they won't.
Exactly my thoughts. Why should I burden myself with caring emotionally, physically and financially for a guy who doesn't put in the same amount of effort? My life is much better now that I'm single. I don't have to expend untold energy trying to make things "work" while navigate all the minefields inherent in marriage. Until men realize that they are totally dispensable because modern relationships are based on women's expectations that her guy will be there emotionally, physically and financially, guys will be "blindsided" when the relationship ends.
@@mettamorph4523lies we women have these Things called weapons. I guess you're not smart enough to use them. Or you never heard of them? Because the weapons I own can take down Tons of men. I don't know why Because you all have a little physical strength. You think that makes you better when most women have More mental strength and the pen is mightier than the sword,F00lish as little boy.😅
Women have always had to quiet quit….. the most dangerous time is leaving I think it’s a self preservation strategy I quiet quit my last two relationships because I consistently asked for needs to be met and they were ignored for years. What else are you meant to do when you’re emotionally burnt out .
@@Tee-Star hard choice when children with special needs are involved But, yes, never again Sometimes it’s better to bide time and ensure you have an escape plan with financial security locked in We are in the real world after all, I see nothing wrong with a woman taking her time to build savings, regain full time employment and ensure the children’s welfare after she leaves. And yes, after a marriage it can take a couple years to build back your personal security.
Notice how that male therapist disagrees, ofc he does. Men in general don't usually have to worry about their physical safety or finances, or even child care (which is usually dumped on the women anyways) when leaving a relationship.
He’s talking like women think to themselves, “I’m going to quite quit now.” Nope! Women that have tried everything and more, with little to no effort from the other side, are eventually going to stop. Which will then lead to the inevitable end of the relationship. The time between quiet quitting and the end? Processing. Women realizing they’ve ’quietly quitted’. Deciding, on a conscious level, they are done. Figuring how to get out with the least pain for all parties involved.
Men are called to LOVE their wife, they only do it in the beginning. Women are called to RESPECT thei husband, and they go above and beyond until he shuts off to her emotionally, in other words he starts treating her like shes annoying and a nag. Usually the man stops doing his job first.
Yep, because I tried fixing it all, I gave Power points, lists, directions and brought in K9's and asked for help and asked what he needed. He sat there with a stupid look on his face and never answered me. I asked him what he needed, was he happy, I asked for help. I gave him 90 days to see what he would do and nothing changed. He didn't want counseling and did not want to engage. I stopped asking, giving lists, getting frustrated. I poured into myself. So I moved on, doing what I had to do to get myself out of that tangled mess. When I left, he was "shocked". He even told the judge he was blindsided. Yeah, no. Oh and he works in a job where communication is #1 or someone will be un-alived. Yeah.
Have we been with the same guy or was my ex his twin brother!? Sounds exactly like last relationship and I live in Germany, so it really is universal and women all around the globe face the same issues.... Since the break up I'm a happy single woman with a really peaceful life and don't have any urge to date or change that 😅
Same! After years of begging to go to couples therapy, my ex finally deigned to go. I researched therapists. Had to find a male therapist because my ex won't listen to women, one who took our insurance and/or was in our budget, saw patients in person and wasn't too far away. I finally found someone who fit almost all of that criteria. Had a conversation with the Dr. and decided to make an appointment. I asked my husband what dates/times work for his schedule. After stupid face and silence, he replied like a sullen, whiny toddler, "Well.....I guess I'll go if I have to." In that moment, I realised this would be a waste of my time and money. I'd rather spend what I have on a divorce and continue therapy by myself. Best decision ever.
Wife = Appliance This equation is not pleasant to think about but it really describes the mentality of a quite a few men out there. Think about how you think about and treat your appliances. Are you worried about the emotional needs of a toaster oven? No. Do you see any problem when an appliance owner replaces the old & out of date appliance with a shiny new appliance? Probably not. If you don't want to be treated like an appliance then just don't become a wife. I think a lot of women have come to realize this and are either staying single or leaving their marriages.
I'm not married, but I did quit my dad and brother. After my mom died a few years back, I still tried to engage and keep a relationship with my dad and bro, but I realized I was trying too hard for something they didn't really want. I mean, they love me and like having me come over, but they never ask how I'm doing, what I'm doing. Just no reaching out. So, I stopped asking them. We interact once in a while, but I'm done trying. Again, we're fine, but no warmth, no closeness. So, I stopped trying.
sorry for your loss even if it was already some time ago, it’s hard to lose the only caring family member. I really hope that if you ever consider getting married, the person you meet will be really nice, warm, and empathetic!
OK, quick distinction here at 5:23 - for the most part, women have a tendency to vocalize their discontent before they check out on their relationships so when a man is saying that he was “blindsided” by a divorce, it’s not because he thought that everything was OK and she was happy. What he is REALLY saying is that he didn’t think that she was miserable ENOUGH to actually divorce him! 🤷🏽♀️ Now the reason this distinction is important is because the way men explain it is suggesting that had they known there was a problem they would have fixed it 🙄🤚🏽BUT chances are very high that they DID know that she was unhappy but were indifferent about her happiness and didn’t care enough to do anything about it…🤷🏽♀️ just a thought.
Interesting. If a woman says she’s unhappy, the man is the asshole in that equation. If a man is unhappy, he will internalize it and try to fix the issue with himself, or expect even less in return. In other words, the man is to blame if a woman is unhappy, but most men do not blame women when they are unhappy. Just food for thought.
I think it’s indifference but also their needs are getting met so why would they rock the boat? If he knows she’s unhappy but she’s still contributing financially, cooking, cleaning, caring for the kids, and having sex he’s not going to anything to change. I went through this with my husband. When I stopped doing everything and he became responsible for his clean laundry and meals he suddenly became more interested in going to therapy.
@@sbfairy ain’t that new: withhold until he caves. I wonder what would happen if men did that. If men live as bachelors, they’re OK. If women live alone, they go nuts. If women quit, men are inconvenienced. If men quit, society is f*cked.
Years ago my kids and I stopped talking to my husband because he seem to always be in a bad mood. It blow my mind how long it took him to even notice. We just pretended like he was not there. The sad part was the house ran the same
Bc they start feeling trapped by family life and they have resentment towards the family which I don’t get… just leave no one has shackles on you…. You would think they were being held prisoner
Here's the thing: Verbal communication only works if someone is listening. If your husband doesn't acknowledge the needs you have brought up repeatedly, there is no point wasting more energy on trying to "fix" the situation yourself. The best thing you can do is find an ethical way to leave. You can't address a problem mutually if one party is adamant that there is nothing wrong in the first place. Therapy only works when both parties are willing to take their partner's concerns seriously.
Yep. I detached, and I gave my husband the energy I was getting. (I used to be affectionate, thoughtful, giving, loving, supportive.) You give roommate energy, you get roommate energy. My husband said he was lonely. I said we were now in the same relationship for the first time in our 15 years. He actually, actually, actually made an effort, and he's grown up a lot. He still neglects me after a while, but I'm not destabilized by it. I just give what I get, and I let his discomfort remind him to fix that ish! He gets it. And he's getting better. He's actually a decent man, but he's inconsistent, even towards himself.
So you admit that he is a great guy, but because he doesn’t give you 100 percent of his attention every sing day you willingly wasted the last 15 years of your life? You could have just gone to counseling, but no throwing away 15 years is much better.
@@dr.philmcbill3931, you totally misunderstood her 🤦🏾♀️. She was saying that her husband has been neglectful for the past 15 years but she continued to be supportive and affectionate. They were coming at their relationship differently. Then, age started matching his energy and he finally felt alone. Bc she was reflecting what he gave to her, they were finally in the same type of relationship.
Women often need that time to make an exit strategy. Or they’re staying for the kids. I recall trying to have a good relationship with an abusive alcoholic and he’d be decent for a while then blow up because he was “sick of kissing your ass!” I also used to spend hours a day cooking for us. One time I made boullibase from scratch and when he came home I proudly told him what I’d made. He looked at it, said nothing, then left to go to grocery store for steak. I quit cooking after that. Then he got mad because “you never cook anymore!” “You don’t eat what I cook.” “I don’t want your leftovers!” Like, did he expect me to perform cooking right in front of him? When I left he had a total meltdown, even though he barely respected me. Just leave these guys alone. They don’t want to put in the bare minimum of effort then play the victim when the woman finally leaves. 😂
😢 I'm sorry this happened to you. I just decided to leave my alcoholic husband because I didn't receive one single word of congratulations or encouragement from him when I told him I got accepted to my nurse practitioner program. My coworkers are my support system
@Madamchief 💖💖💖 that's fcking bullshit!!! I am SO GODDAMN PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!!! 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 Those late nights and all-nighters have finally paid off!! You pushed through all of the 'I dont know if I can do this', and WRECKED every single 'maybe this isn't right'!!!! You worked your fcking ass off and earned yourself an amazing step in life! You can go ANYWHERE with that degree, full on hospital nursing, get your doctorate, conceirge nursing, go on to the admin side, open your own clinic, open a birthing center, collaborate with a doctor you like to open a clinic or a non-profit, start your own damn non-profit, the possibilities are truly endless!!! Now some harsh internet mom love for you: That is NOT your person. The man who drank through every single day off you had, the man who can't keep his shit together while you are now realizing what the rest of your life looks like, and the man who ignores you at every turn while you are desperately trying to save ANY admiration, respect, or love that he hasn't managed to stamp out with his tantrums. He is not going to help you study, bounce ideas off for projects, or prep with you for exams. Your ENTIRE WORLD, is something he's not interested in. What you can provide for him, is what he's interested in. I need you to think back at the last three things you can remember doing with him. Did you have to force him to go do it, Did you have to schedule everything and set it up, Or was it something That was an interest of his? You deserve better than him, and having your bed warm at night when they sabotage your days isn't worth it. You will definitely find so many amazing guys in your program and at work that fit you perfectly!
@@B.Harper7 😍thank you for your enthusiasm! I'm excited for the next new adventure... Alone. My husband is moving out and I'm resolved to rent out MY property (he is not on the title because he didn't contribute financially). Eventually the goal is to move to a rural area and run a hospice. I know, logically, that I am capable of doing it alone; I'm just so bummed that I have to
The male therapist at the end is completely clueless about how dangerous it is for women to “*quit* quit” instead of quiet quit 🤦🏼♀️ staying alive and off the streets is more important than avoiding regrets
Yup and a lot of domestic violence and non-profits that claim to offer support services to help people quietly quit don’t get it either! When you factor in the lack of support a desperate woman has (because at the stage in life where they quietly make plans to leave they have already been cut off from family and friends by their toxic partner), quiet quitting is pretty much the only cards a woman has left before leaving for good! And when you factor in the dangerous homeless epidemic, it is not feasible to add more desperate people out onto the streets (where they can be victimized all over again) just to escape a toxic relationship and save face. In life you have to make compromises unfortunately and not all toxic relationships are the extreme…they are on a spectrum. Even violently abusive relationships have their good days and bad. Heck if it was THAT bad to begin with, would it have been possible for them to win over women by showing their true faces at the beginning?
I disappeared to my parents without a word one day while mine was at work, precisely because he had anger issues and a history of aggression, breaking things and he had even hit me a couple of times in the 13 years we were together. No way was I going to risk it.
@bebop2523 really? U also said staying off the streets. Again...if it's really that dangerous why are you with someone like that...and why give them kids? Or is this your unmedicated mind wondering?
What kind of therapist comes on here to tell women that quiet quitting makes no sense and causes regret?! Quiet quitting is a great break up strategy. I emotionally detached from my ex bf and put him in the friendzone for weeks before he finally caught on. He was furious, I was entertained.
I agree. He's so out of touch. Women have emotions involved. Some women may need quite quite to not just get finances,plans, and a strategy for leaving that's safe. But it has to be emotionally safe. It may take time to fully emotionally detach because a connection was there. The last thing you want to do is just drop a relationship and emotions your not ready. The heart wrench of an abrupt stop is not healthy and leads someone to go back to an unhealthy hostile relationship. But he's not thinking about what's best for her he's thinking about the other person. When someone is contemplating leaving it's not a us process. It's a me process
@@BarbaraM-lv7peWhen he chose to cheat, he wasn't being straight with me. Give me one decent reason why I should prioritize his time over my healing?🤦🏽♀️
@@RepentImmediately Actually, I chose to waste HIS time in my favor. He should have been an adult when I asked him to take a break in our relationship if he needed. Instead, he cheated assuming I would forgive him. He didn't deserve my respect. Simple!
3:30 yep. And the men will feel like this is an improvement. They think they’ve “won” and the wife finally stopped “nagging” them. When what really happen is she became resigned to the fact that he doesn’t love her or care about her needs. They realize the relationship has been one sided and will always one sided. And they just shut down all hope in having a meaningful relationship with their spouse.
I definitely quiet quit my marriage after my husband quit a few years back. I was holding out hope but no luck. Now I'm out loud quiting and starting divorce proceedings. I'm only 43...I got too much life left to be miserable and sexless.
@@amelidris3311 my kids love thier dad too. I haven’t stopped them from seeing him. I haven’t even acted like divorce is bad. I framed it as he needs space, absence makes the heart grow fonder. It’s been a little weird too because my kids have never been happier. Like they were so excited that dad was moving out and now they get to run between two houses. He moved just down the street and I’ve been clear they can come and go as they please because I’m not trying to keep them away from him. I’ve always framed his issues as his issues. I never let him just be a dick and say nothing. I would always defend my kids and narrate the appropriate way to handle a situation when dad did it the absolute wrong way. I always give tons of consistent attention to his sporadic and possibly agro attention. Over time it was clear to them who to trust and who was always putting their needs first. And that was a blessing because he was the fun dad whilst I was the boss of the house mom. I was worried that he would convince them to hate me because I was always frazzled and trying to get things done while he would decide to do the most fun thing. I recall when my daughter was old enough to get her nails done I planned a whole spa day for us. She was so excited. Her dad knew when and where we were going, so imagine my surprise when he shows up 5 minutes before we are supposed to leave with some helmets and a motorized scooter my daughter had been begging to ride. Now I could’ve thrown a fit because she absolutely decided to stay with him and ride the scooter and lost all interest in ever having her nails done…but I just smiled and told her she could go with dad and made a mental note to keep an eye out for this behavior because it seemed extremely manipulative. And it was. Unfortunately for him my kids are very strong and willing to speak their mind so once they were old enough they started calling him out themselves. He hates that and started acting out against them. That was the beginning of the end for him. They knew they were not making things up and they knew ew how an adult is supposed to behave so when he would act up and then throw a tantrum when called out they just got tired of it instead of internalizing it. He created that dynamic, possibly thinking it would allow his terrible behavior to continue, but me and my kids are audhders and one of the primary modes of thinking for us is a strong sense of justice. Watching a man belittle his family is clearly unjust. So as they got older they started to see him as a child like them in need of guidance from mom. They would literally say to him, you’re not the boss of the house, mom is! They would notice how he would have tantrums like they did. That he would pout and lash out like they did. And mom was just looking at him like he’s a big dumb idiot who takes the kids from the room cuz dad is having a tantrum again. I got them in therapy where we focused on the values of being a good family member and a good community member so they could see for themselves that dad isn’t a good family member. I never had to tell them anything. His behavior was so obviously abhorrent that the kids didn’t want him around because it would so obviously cause tension and strife. It took until they were 10ish for them to understand how difficult he is and that’s when I decided to make my move. As soon as my kids started saying they didn’t want to be like dad I knew it was time to get him out of here. But it was an entire lifetime of being the better more even keeled parent. They saw I was the one giving all my time to make sure they were well cared for and for him they are like an afterthought. Honestly this has been such a great transition. The kids have started going out and playing and adventuring like they never have before. I can tell they are feeling safe and secure and at least for now the ex is finally stepping up to be present for them when they are at his place. I was so afraid to leave because I thought my kids would hate me for taking them away from their dad. But thankfully they can see for themselves how much chaos he causes here. They love him very much but I normalized taking space along time ago. So they see It as us taking space so he can keep calm and get himself together. Hope this helps. I felt trapped for so long afraid my kids would hate me, but I had someone tell me that the kids will be able to tell who the “crazy” parent is as long as you keep being consistent. It took a decade for me to believe it, but she was absolutely correct.
@@amelidris3311 And they can continue to love their father after the divorce. If he is a good father, split custody ( joint custody is common in my southeastern European country ,unless one parent is proven abusive). If you continue to stay for the kids, they will sense your unhappiness. And you're teaching them to accept unhappy relationships in the future if they have kids with those persons. You deserve to be happy, too !
To me, quiet quitting in relationships has always been a thing. It's just now being discussed openly but our grandmothers quietly quit their marriages as well. They just stayed in them because of the fact that women didn't have the same rights as we do now. So to me quiet quitting in relationships is nothing new.
Divorce is for the rich! Considering the current economic situation, many of us cannot afford to have separate households, especially, when there are children involved. Strangely, by giving up trying to actively make my marriage work, I found peace. I gave my self a horizon of 9 years when the kids are out of college, and then I reevaluate my decision.
U know why divorce is so expensive...cause they are worth it. Bravo...for finding a way to make the marriage work...kind of. But in reality it's not that tough ladies...stomach full testes empty...keep quite and everyone just does what works best as a whole...stop being selfish...you liked them enough to marry and breed with them...and take vows.
white male therapist needs to realize that the world and relationships work differently for women and sometimes we need to get a safety plan in place before we quit a relationship.
He should be embarrassed for being this ignorant. Quiet quitting ends in regrets? Does he talk to women or is he patronizing us? Quiet quitting was the best thing that happened to me, because I healed from my relationship before leaving him and snapped back into the dating market like he never existed.
This is so true. There have been multiple times where I’ve quietly quit friendships not only because that person was acting incredibly toxic towards me but also because I think slowly distancing yourself before completely cutting a person off is the best way to forever end a friendship or relationship that you are in (at least most of the time)
@@beigenegress2979Do not tolerate their disrespect. If they talk like that to your face, they probably say worse things in your absence. It's only a matter of time before one of those babies feels empowered enough by their foolishness to test you.
@@RepentImmediately Sometimes women have to be strategic about actually leaving abusers. The most dangerous time or most likely time for a women to be 💀 who is in a dv situation is when she either tries to leave or has left. If you are a men, you (for the most part) are safe from experiencing this.
Yep. I work from home and I told myself I won’t let this job stress me out. If the dr and nurses and health agency dont care, and I am behind the scenes stressing over patients info and care, why should I? I just do what my job entitles to the best of my ability and nothing more. I’m tired of chasing the health care professionals to complete their jobs properly. 😞🤷🏽♀️🤦🏽
I quiet quit my last relationship. I stopped doing his laundry about a year and a half before i left. Thats where it started. He didnt take the hint. I made lists asking for help. He ignored those. I wanted to go back to school and he refused to support that. He wanted to blow his money on stupid junk while we lived is a trailer that was falling apart. He had no plan for the future. Then the cherry on top was gettin sent screen shots where he tried to pick up another girl. I left that day. Spent months couch surfing until the universe blesssed me with a home so beautiful i still cannot believe it is mine. I'm back in school and dating someone new but I'm in no rush to let him move in. I will not let my peace be distrubed. He can stay for the weekends but that is all.
Congratulations on your success! 💯Also, never let a man move in with you. Not now, not ever. Any man comfortable with moving in with his gf or wife has no sense of responsibility towards himself or you. Any self-respecting man would want to be self-sufficient, and dependable for the woman he's dating. If he doesn't have his own house, if he's not on your level, that's a relationship that'll only pull you down. Don't mess around with any more fools.
I have started to decenter my husband after 25 years of marriage. While there are some adjustments he's had to make as a result of me stopping my overworking myself, our relationship is healthier than ever. I think most women were raised to be codependent while men are raised to be independent. I'm simply matching his energy and trusting him to be an adult who cares for himself (the same way he's expected me to all these years). Instead of pouring energy into tracking his moods and needs, I put that into improving myself. He's been a bit nervous at times but I'm not leveling up because I have plans to leave him. He's learning to trust that and he's leaning into supporting me. Decentering men, matching energy, quiet quitting or whatever you want to call it doesn't mean an inevitable road to divorce, if the men are able to adapt.
Men should know that you always need to be courting your wife. This simple act will save your marriage - so the energy you had when you first met her, keep that going, and you will be rewarded. That’s how my husband is even he’s MORE attentive and loving as we’ve grown together which is so lovely. I couldn’t imagine leaving him bc he shows me his love every day and that’s a blessing.
@schuylergeery-zink1923 Yep. And throwing away the idea that I could thrive while being the "low maintenance cool girl" was also key. Now I unabashedly ask for my needs to be met and he is happier to work harder. I'm not waiting around for him to fill all my needs anyway, as I've started to become more active in meeting my needs I've realized which needs I should have met in my romantic relationship and which ones I should get elsewhere (friendship, work, my own personal development). So now he's rushing in to meet the needs I want met by him. And if he didn't adapt in this way, I would still be doing the same things day to day because I'm not decentering him to manipulate him, I'm doing it for me. So if he didn't adapt to my growth it would just mean our lifepaths weren't going to the same place anymore.
It'll be 52 years for my parents in September. My mom is finally decentering my dad. He's a good man who has flaws and lack of emotional intelligence. So where she's evolved over the years, he has not evolved as much. He's let himself go, she's fought through our family's tough times and remained active and engaged. She's tried to get him to change some things that are not healthy/helpful, and sometimes he changes for a few weeks. But then he falls back into the same ruts. At this point, I don't see her leaving him. And she's told me based on her experience that if I never got married, it wouldn't disappoint her. I wish men would catch up to women. We are evolving.
I hope to meet a woman like you. I literally asked nothing from my ex-gf, and didn't give much either. But she used to give a ton, without me asking...and I didn't reciprocate... I wish she could've understood that there's no need for her to be so giving, I'll be honest though I probably enjoyed some of it but I never asked or demanded it. Idk, this shit is difficult.
@@Zayden.Marxist Let’s be fr. You loved all the extra stuff that she did and you benefitted greatly from it. You wrote your post because you feel guilty, but are blaming your ex because you don’t want tot ale accountability for you not matching her energy. If she had stopped doing all that extra stuff you would have resented her.
Relationships only lasts as long as they do because women make them last. We are the glue. Men do not care until it's an inconvenience. I don't even think they ever want to be there to begin with.
That's why I can't stand the narrative of "back then, women used to stay no matter what". That is so terrible. Staying "no matter what" sends women to an early grave, and traumatizes the children. I honestly believe that men don't want to be there either. Far too many men are mentally and emotionally distant from their wife and children. If they wanted to be there, they would actually be involved. The average man doesn't even know his children's birthday, or what school they go to.
Same with family 😅 It's always mom Grandma auntie or sister who keeps the family together. These men are ultimately useless which is why I don't know why women get pregnant by them but I'm not.😅
That last dude really stole the show when saying he could understand people quiet quitting jobs but NOT relationships... 😳🙄🙈🙈 Some people - mostly women - just CAN'T escape so easily... Seems that he's a brilliant example for weaponized incompetence - as a THERAPIST he definitely should know better... 😮🙄
Once I quiet quit a relationship I am out the only time I lived with a man I moved out within 90 days of quitting .. he wanted me to stay and be miserable
I feel like I have quietly quit on my relationship, the thing is, I feel like he quit first. Like at some point he just decided my needs weren't worth his effort. Like the minute we were living under the same roof he had me, so he could stop trying. And he still says all the right things. Still says I love you and you're gorgeous but there's this emptiness to the words, like he might as well be talking about the weather. The words never change either. If I chopped my hair off, changed my entire wardrobe, lost or gained a bunch of weight, it's always the same words. Like an autocue. Like he doesn't see me. Every conversation ends up being about him. His feelings, his needs. I feel like furniture, like a backdrop. I try to engage him in things, but he just wants to watch sports and "de-stress". Like how is every single hour you're not working your "de-stress" time? We can't even play a video game together, it's always "we'll hang out tomorrow", "on the weekend", "when I'm not so tired". I've realized that he doesn't actually enjoy spending time with me. He says he wants me here and he's scared I'll leave, but why? Why am I here? What is he so attached to? I'm not sure he even likes me. So I've stopped. I've stopped asking him for things. Stopped asking for his time. Stopped trying to have fun with him. Stopped trying to catch his eye or get his attention. Stopped trying to tell him how I feel. I feel so dead. So trapped.
Please focus on learning about you, who you are, what you enjoy, etc. Live your life until things change. I wish you peace and fulfillment in this journey.
The last therapist doesn't get it. He's still a man more than a therapist. What is there you don't understand? Women have to bide their time. Maybe they're waiting for their kids to grow up. Maybe they're getting their ducks in a row financially. They want to make sure they can sustain their lifestyle away from their husbands. There might be some things they have to divest from or bills they have to pay down before they're comfortable to leave. That can take time.
I thought that "Quit-quitting" implies that you will leave said situation, while "Emotionally Checked out" just meant that you became okay with the misery rather than leave? P.S: Sorry, I am still trying to understand all these newer terms.
It’s crazy, I literally can only say after 30 years of marriage that ended in divorce that it was like a shitty job and I put in for my retirement……..don’t want to work here anymore.
I did this and stopped going above and beyond. And I stopped having expectations. And my husband stepped up. So I ended up matching his energy as he stepped up and was a real intentional partner then I did the same. Because he loves me and wanted us he just lead by example in our marriage. I stilled loved him when I disengage so he was able to build it back up. Key thing is he stepped up before the love died, so it could be fixed
When you try everything, and even the marriage counselor says that they see divorce coming, you give up and quiet quit. He was warned for years, then it was what it was. How he could pretend to be caught off-guard, I can't even begin to imagine.
Dude at the end...why would someone "quit quit" and have a conversations about it when they've been trying to converse the entire marriage. Literally, what is the point? They already don't listen, etc.
I think people "quiet quit' relationships because they're exhausted from what could be years of trying without any change. Quiet quitting happens when a person loses hope, it happens when they feel defeated and beat down; they no longer have the strength to fight for their needs to be met when it's become clear, it's simply not gonna happen.
Never regretted quiet quitting my marriage before the big finale. He never really showed up unless a kid was involved anyway. Quiet quitting gave me the time, energy, and focus to get out of a marriage, that was doing me harm, in a way that was best for me. I also have children that had to make the transition as well and i didnt want it to be more dramatic than it had to be. Less energy for the person who didnt want it meant more for them and this time mommy wasnt sad, frustrated, looking repeatedly at the clock, checking her phone, and sending 411 texts, etc. I switched my mindset to life without him as a husband to life with him as a coparent (new boundaries to learn and to enforce). Not surprised it would be a male that has a problem with how the woman he doesnt want makes her exit from his life.
I started sadly doing this to see if he would ever initiate his needs to me instead of making me feel like I could read his mind and instead became defensive or avoided me when I tried to tell him what I wanted (even pretending to fall asleep, walking away, or bottling up his emotions). I wasn’t getting clarity and that made me feel like he didn’t care, so I matched his energy. Guess what? He left saying he lost connection and didn’t feel appreciated, putting all the blame on me… shocker.
They'll do that. The delusional and victim mentality is thick. The mentality that they have is that women are supposed to tend to them, and that they don't have to reciprocate.
16:20 This guy is obviously clueless. He doesn’t realize this is the phase she’s getting her ducks in a row before jumping off the deep end. Gotta prepare so you don’t sink when you meant to swim.
And 9 out of 10 times these guys who are toxic towards women are financially stable to begin with, hence why they will use Financial Abuse to entrap women! And since we live in a society at war towards strong foundational family support and financial safety networks, it can sometimes take years or even decades for women to quit completely and safely!
I'm a little different from most of my women friends. I truly believe "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." So, the first two-thirds of every relationship are clear sailing. Then I'll see that something is off, and I'll say something. Then I'll say something again. And again. Then I'll say "We need to talk." This will be spread over a couple of months. Then, when nothing changes (and it never changes), I quiet quit the relationship, mostly out of laziness and a desire not to deal right then and there with the emotional fallout from a breakup. Then after about 6 more months I'll end the relationship. At this point, EVERY SINGLE ONE of my boyfriends are SHOCKED that I want out. I patiently sit through their ranting and railing, their crying and pleading, out of respect for the love we once shared. I try not to look bored or check my watch. I just sit out their outbursts, then I bail. The relief I feel when I walk away is life-affirming. I never look back.
That guy at the end is a perfect example of why we quiet quit. Oh we just need to communicate? Gee why didn't we think of that! It's not like we've BEEN communicating till we're gasping for breath only for nothing to ever change(I even gave one guy a literal checklist, on paper, of things that needed to change if he wanted me to stay), we just need to KEEP communicating and teaching our adult partners how to act like adults until we die an early stress-induced death! This is why so many women are choosing to stay single instead of continuing to subject ourselves to needless torment. We check out because the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, and we are not insane. For me it's also because I've had enough abusive relationships to know that the most dangerous time is when I'm leaving, and being quiet and agreeable helps me stay safer until I can get out for good. Checking out is also, to a lesser extent, his final last chance. In our hearts and minds we know it's over, but there's still that small part of us that hopes grey-rocking him might trigger a last-minute epiphany that he better wake up and step up before we disappear. I've never actually had a man have that epiphany though, the only thing that's ever happened is the man gets happier b/c I'm no longer expecting anything of him anymore. And of course, every guy I've ever broken up with was _blindsided_ cause they thought me finally shutting up meant things were going great! Very telling that men think a silent woman with no needs or external emotions is a happy woman. I have an ex who spent the entire relationship lying, gaslighting me, and making me feel crazy and demanding for needing more than a "good morning" text to feel appreciated. He was IN SHOCK when I finally broke up with him. I hadn't been happy for the past 1.5 years and he knew it, but since I had stopped literally begging for change I apparently "let him think everything was going good" then dumped him OUT OF NOWHERE! I swear some guys seriously live in another plane of reality.
Thanks for your perspective. I’ve been blindsided by being broken up with but later I realized that it was her parents who pressured her to leave me, and it appeared to be because of a difference in social status. They also just plain didn’t like my personality. And she later got back with me. So I understand being blindsided because sometimes there really are things going on that the man doesn’t know about or doesn’t know how to fix.
They're just rebalancing the contributions of love, care, and respect. Relationships require equitable contributions of love, care, and respect. If you're in a relationship and you continually overcontribute, love, care, and respect and it's not reciprocated by your partner, AND You stay because of your fear of being alone, you suffer from self-love deficit disorder Aka codependency.
I wish my ex-gf would've started contributing as much as I did, instead of expecting me to reach her level of contributions, which was unbelievably high. I could never reach that, not in a million years. And I never asked for it. I never even asked her to cook or clean or help with chores or anything, ever, not one single time. But she wanted to give give give and got furious over the years that I didn't reciprocate (because I literally don't have the capacity to do that). I just wanted to vibe, feel secure that I can count on my partner for emotional support cuddling and sex. idk.
I admire my sister for not "quiet quitting" her marriage. She spoke TF up, she had a separation, but they both took accountability on what they can improve on, and now she and her husband are doing much better. I learned from her allot of what marriage is about.
Not all men are willing to change. Most of the time the woman has exhausted herself trying everything to make things work at the expense of her own happiness and sanity. If the husband isn’t willing to do what it takes to save the marriage that’s not the fault of the woman.
" Quiet quitting " doesn't mean that you don't speak up though, it means you spoke up so much in all the possible ways and you didn't get any response that you don't see the point in speaking anymore, you just do what you have to do in silence. Most people never take responsibility for anything they do or even care except when it benefits them.
Yup I quite quit a couple years ago in a relationship. He just wouldn’t stop disrespecting me so I made it easier for him and left. He was a narcissist so I kinda had no choice. I shouldn’t have to beg for respect.
I did this too. I grey rocked him because I realized any engagement would be met with hostility so now I keep engagement to a minimum and I don’t volunteer any information he can grab onto and judge or turn into conflict.
I didn’t know there was a specific term for this, but I’ve always felt like women usually are emotionally checking out of the relationship for a while before they finally physically leave.
To the fellow at the end. They've communicated their boundaries and needs - been lied to or ignored or gaslighted. From that point on they get to leave at their own convenience. It's been clearly stated the partner does not know anything is wrong - their world is good - so the woman isn't torturing them - they're just putting their plan together and protecting their own mental health and integrity as is their right. Perhaps we need to ask what the husband is doing sticking around when he knows he has no intention of meeting the clearly communicated needs of his wife and is prepared to lie to her to get her to drop it - rather than balling up and being truthful and having that discussion and allowing his wife to choose at that point. Why's it her responsibility to act for both of them?
To the therapist at the end who doesn't get why someone would quiet quit a marriage: abuse. Emotional and psychological abuse from the spouse that one is trying to detangle and realise is happening but one hasn't yet fully realised and is too unwell from the years of abuse to immediately address. It took time to get out but things are so much better now I'm safe.
This! I do not blame anybody dealing with cis gender man for quiet, quitting a relationship. People get sick and tired of relationships constantly being one-sided with sis men who constantly get everything they want, and then some while the other person in the relationship gets little to nothing in return basically, it’s like you’re dating a child. They don’t know how to cook, clean, pay bills, book their own doctors appointment, you name it you basically become a surrogate mother, or father to them, and it becomes extremely draining.
Interesting, the post has been up nearly a day, and no one is questioning the derogatory prefix term of cis. Men are men. If they’re homosexual, then list it as such - they have the lowest divorce rate. Traditional relationship have significantly higher rate of divorce, predominantly initiated by women. And last, but not least, lesbian women, who have by far the highest divorce rate of all marriages tracked, with SA, verbal abuse, neglect and etc the most common reason for women only relationships. Common denominator, anyone?
@@amazaf the divorces are initiated by the person who is likely treated the worst in the relationship. Abusers seem to stay in relationships the longest seeing they benefit the most from the relationship. The prefix cis has existed for hundreds of years it’s literally Latin , look it up. And yes cis men regardless of sexuality tend to be selfish, manipulative, abusive, and horrible partners.
@@PsychedPerspective human beings in general can put up with quite a bit, as long as it’s not shocking their system. Think of it like boiling a frog analogy. The point is, if people (let’s not name genders) didn’t gain financially from divorcing, we would have quite fewer divorces. Just because someone is not fond of their boss sometimes, doesn’t mean you quit. Men, like employers value loyalty and growth, and will kill themselves to achieve that. Women, IMHO, value work atmosphere and perks, but would most definitely switch jobs if offered more elsewhere. And as far as cis prefix, that is quite literally a made up word that did not exist 20 years ago. Just because someone picked a word in Latin entirely unrelated to topic at hand, used it as a prefix and then addresses the vast majority of population with that new coined term, doesn’t make it legit. If you are of a culture that has to label something that preexisted known history, just to make someone a feel better about his psychological “deviare” (look it up, since you believe every Latin word should be used to address a majority).
This hits home. I’ve quiet quit a friendship in the past without realising that’s what I did. I think I’m currently quiet quitting my relationship now. He’s amazing and I love him dearly but we’re not making each other as happy as we could. It’s very sad.
Fascinating post, which I’ve seen many many times over. Great and amazing husband, by their own words, but because of feelings, the wife just had to check out. The dissonance is mind numbing to men, and they need to hear this message before they get engaged or married.
@@amazafIf a woman's perspective is "mind numbing" to so many men, instead of mind stimulating to spark a curiosity as to what is going on in her head, it really is no wonder why women check out emotionally to their "amazing" men. They just are not amazing. Women judge men in relativity to other men, not other people. An amazing man would make a mediocre friend and a neglectful family member. It's amazing and a breath of fresh air to have a decent human as a partner for once, but it is not enough to fuel a friendship, let alone partnership.
@@hydratejsn interesting POV. Do you believe men’s prospective should be considered by same token? You think every woman greets her husband with a warm smile and meek demeanor when he comes home after a long day? All I saw in your response is that whatever men do, is not enough. Was that laundry list presented to the man before marriage too? Uh-huh, right. Most brides to be are on their best behavior to get the ring, but a year into it, the list gets longer and longer. Screw that. Keep in mind, unlike men, stimulation for women is ever-increasing, escalating to full-blown drama. The problem is that men are never taught how to properly acknowledge what women say, which women interpret quite sternly. For instance, if a woman says “you don’t love me”, a man needs to understand that it’s a psychological challenge, which requires a prefix of “I feel like…” and a suffix of “…at this point and time”. As long as the man acknowledges her “plight” by responding (using previous example): “I hear / understand that you feel like I don’t love you anymore. Would you please suggest a solution that would be acceptable to both of us to resolve your distress?” Now the onus of figuring out what she actually wants to do and plan out, is on her. If she’s struggling figuring out what she wants SPECIFICALLY, that would require to pose that question to a counselor or a psychologist. Not that “I’m not happy” BS, but actual “I’m having issues verbalizing and addressing what can I do WITH MY HUSBAND so that we BOTH enjoy it, to make me happy”. Perhaps then we’ll be able to come to a point where root cause is address the root cause instead of just throwing everything back on men.
@@amazaf You misunderstood my post. It's not like - he is objectively amazing, trying his hardest but not even that is enough for the woman. More like - he seems amazing, because her previous experience with men was bad. Objectively, he is not a good match of a human and could do better. Yet, she still cherishes him as amazing, probably for the positive aspects of the experience. You could use some chill towards women, that reply is full of petty demands, dehumanising pseudopsychology and unflattering, rude implications. But I agree with the second paragraph from the end. I myself tell women to be open and exact with their needs and wants and if not met, have self-respect, not self-pity and act accordingly. Some women truly want the man to guess what they need/want as a game, which is immature, but most just think it is bossy, needy, weak, burdensome or emasculating to tell/suggest men what to do in relation to herself. Many times it is what some man told them their demands are. It should not be like this.
I stopped fully engaging with my husband after the kids left for college. I had it all planned , i couldn't wait to drop them off at school . Guess who cried = him / Daddy 😅. Guess who didn't cry = Mommie / workhorse/ jane of all trades 😂. I moved to the other side of the house , and he stayed on the other side . He took care of him & i took care of me = peace & relaxation 😂🎉
I’ve quiet quit. He continues to gamble/drink. Just holding out for child to finish high school in 2025 & I want the house sold & to be gone❤️ 23 years 🙄 wasted…… Last few years he forgot my birthday, even my 50th- out gambling instead….. Oh but he got me a card/chocolates 4 days later 🙄
Ex STILL HASNT fix the wall that was damaged when we moved in.. he just bought the supplies to it after I asked for a divorce 8/19/23!!! We have been legally separated since 9/19/23… he filed 10/20/23 but still acts like we’re married
Nope. Leave 100% if you haven't already. He didn't fix the wall in all of that time? He took you and your marriage for granted. He's shown that he's not dependable and is content to not fulfill his duties or do right by you. No more wifely things for him. I'm glad you didn't put up with it.
Honestly , the advice and signs should be self explanatory. When things start to change and there’s no valid reason for the change, something is wrong and needs more attention to the root cause. I lived with an ex once , first and last time living with a man. I kept having to remind him over and over about different things until the day I went silent 🤫, at which time I started planning my escape. He should have noticed my frustration because I communicated it very well , then I stopped going to events with him. One example, his best friend wedding, did I go? Nope. Mom visited and they all went to dinner, to one of restaurants I like. Did I go? Nope. Also, unlike my communication he was probably quiet breaking up Also because I’m the beginning he couldn’t wait to fly me out to the Caribbean to meet his family. So when an opportunity presented itself, did he bother to fly me out? lol nope.
4:44 the big catalyst happened months ago it just happened quietly and you did not notice it.... That last therapist should just be quiet. Quiet quitting a relationship is sometimes a survival tactic. Talking about a good life strategy 🙄
The therapist at the end would be one of the ones I would avoid like the plague. Not sure if it's because he's a man, out of touch or both. Quiet quitting, especially as women can potentially save your life. The femicide rates are at an all time high and so many husbands and boyfriends will unalive their partner the moment they genuinely realize they are about to lose you. Giving them a "2 week notice" can potentially give them enough time to plan on either ruining you or taking you off this planet. In a nice utopian world of course it would be great if we could all properly communicate our plans and intentions to give your partner the chance to realize the relationship is no longer healthy for the both of you. Unfortunately we live in reality and I'd never want to judge how someone has to leave a toxic relationship while protecting their safety.
Wow, I suppose I was already quiet quitting my relationship back in 2006 and finally had the courage to walk out in 2010. Looking back on that situation my only regret was not walking out earlier.
Im just matching his energy since he causes all the problems i focus on my hobbies , personal level up , career , etc then broke off due to his cheating ass One cheat Break up Thats my red flag
Yeah, for my last bf I definitely emotionally checked out. We took a break and then got back together. When we got back together I was expected to change everything about my life and he was still the exact same. When he started ranting about the dishes and how I didn’t clean to his standards, I was out. I was thinking about what it would be be like with other men and was out of the house doing my hobbies five days a week, I peaced out. He wanted me to move to a new city with no concrete plan and when I asked for one, it was too much pressure.
2:40 - 5:44 is hands down the MOST validating thing I've heard in a while simply because how many of us girlies can say that was a verbatim STEP-BY-STEP detailed explanation of what we've been through (more than once, I'm SURE) ... Obviously without the deep dive in to the horrific abuses that are more common than not on top of that foundation... No matter how many times XYs target & begin their subsequent argumentative responses AT us with "nOt aLl MEn‼️" 🙄
Some men won’t ever leave you because they don’t want to be alone. I’d the husband doesn’t ever want to talk or go on vacations with you or do things with you that interest you, something is wrong “I just don’t want to” doesn’t make sense when you are in a marriage. Not when it’s every single time. I get sometimes we need our alone space but a couple should be doing Things together on a regular basis .Some men cannot take accountability or just be honest about their feelings. It’s worse when kids are involved.
Every woman I know TALKS about her feelings !!! To her friends family and BF or spouse! Men just aren’t listening ! Not trying to change or be better or take the feedback! It creates a toxic loop of the men not listening women complaining over and over and men temporary fixing it or not doing anything only for the loop to start again! Women always express their feelings it’s MEN who decide to do nothing about it!!! They can’t be blindsided when all that nagging comes to forethought
This sort of behavior is also a large part of why so many more women are swearing off marriage and children. They've seen where it got the other women in their lives, and they don't want to become another statistic.
I don’t disagree that this happens a lot TO women, but what about if the woman is actually doing the disappearing act in a relationship? I have experienced this and can assure you that it’s not only men that are doing this.
I quiet quit my marriage years ago. I did it for like a year and a half. He didn't notice that we didn't talk anymore, no plans, no talks about future, no asking how your day was, no eating meals together no nothing. Then when I told him that we need to go our separate ways he was blindsided. If he didn't see it coming for 18 months how much was he even paying attention to us, to our marriage and to me? None. 0. That's the truth. He didn't care to notice that we had no communication at all.
This is what happened in my marriage. I communicated what I needed and he insisted that he was trying to change but never actually did. I got tired of being ignored "help" and told him I wanted a divorce. It got pretty bad (started working he was going to get physical) so I made a plan to get out (was living in another country) and when I went for a job interview in the states I never went back. I feel crappy about it because it isn't generally my style to skulk off and leave but I was concerned for my safety at that point.
Funny how the man had the best insight on this. Women wait til it’s convenient for them to leave not when it’s convenient for both parties to leave when it’s right there and then.
The “quiet quitting “ is really not new in jobs or marriage. People have been doing this for decades. It’s just a new term & has become a topic on social media recently. Long, long before the internet & social media existed, I had realized after remembering the last few years before my mother moved out of the family home, she was extremely quiet, stayed in her room as much as possible, didn’t engage with her husband or us kids, she did the bare minimum & was apparently plotting her escape. I don’t blame her since my father was an alcoholic & abusive although she enabled toxic behavior & was abusive herself even after the divorce. My father pretended to be shocked & outraged although he signed the divorce papers without a word much less a fight. He never thought she would have the backbone to leave & she never bothered to try to get help or give him an ultimatum. Of course some people don’t care & refuse to change even if you get help & demand they change. Then they play the victim.
I'm doing exactly this now. We've been dating about 4-1/2 years and living together for about 2-1/2 of those years. But he doesn't want to have conversations about anything hardly but his repeat work stories, he doesn't want to try anything new, he has no ambitions or goals, he never wants to change anything, he doesn't even care to pay off his debt. I have to ask him to do anything and everything, otherwise he'll just sleep and play on his phone. He only wants to go out if it's with his friends or his family. The other night, I asked him to spend some time with me (as we were without kids that weekend), and to listen to music and just talk and chill. And he after about maybe 2 hours, snuck off silently and went to bed. Without even saying goodnight. So I jammed the music and got drunk by myself. But I mean, why do I even try? I think next time he talks me into going to visit his friends/family and party all night, I'll just sneak off silently and pass out or play games in my car. It should just be me, me, me first. Fuck him. I'm done waiting around for him all the time, I'm just gonna do what I want, when I want. There's really no need to talk about anything. He's about to propose too, which just kinda makes it all the more ironic. It's going to be a long engagement.
If you don't leave after quiet quitting, it means you agree to be the utility android he prefers. If you do that you are worshipping him by literally sacrificing your humanity. A human beings prime directive is to evolve, love and be loved. Women leave when the relationship goes counter to that.
Many men resent and hate their girlfriends for demanding more of them and expecting loyalty, and then "realize what they lost" when she finally moves on.
is it okay to acknowledge that if you’re with someone for a long time it’s okay to be a little bored sometimes. things ebb and flow. I’ve been married for 22+ years. Sometimes it’s more exciting than others. i would certainly not be delusional enough to think that if we got divorced i’d be so much happier
