Thank you, Dr. WTH? I financially am not set to eradicate this deamon from my life but given the acquisition of an experienced divorce team to battle with a wealthy bunch of narcissist inlaws.😊😊
Anyone is a magnet, but healthy people decide to reject them. A more precise question could be, “ Why do I choose to be in relationships with narcissistic people?”
I thought I was a narcissist for about a year. Then I got counseling and started to study personality disorders and psychology. Years later I realized I have been a people pleaser and my ex wife is a covert narcissist. She’s always easily offended, angered and hardly ever laughs. Last few years of our relationship I would ask random questions about factual events that happened in our marriage relationship and then the four years after a divorce (her). The denials, shifting of blame and projecting was what caused me to tell her to remove herself from my home. One or two weeks later she was already in the bed with another man and had to tell me about it. As if someone she just met was so much more of a man than I. It hurt for sure but I know that a real man would not do that to a woman. A real man would want to protect a woman.
I've worried about myself as well, mostly because of being self-absorbed in over-thinking. But my counselor reassured me that the very act of worrying that you're a narcissist pretty much makes you unlikely to 'be' a narcissist 😊😅. Congratulations!!!! 👍👍👍💗
My narc husband committed adultery with a married coworker. When he told me about, he said, "I don't know why she stays married to him. He's mean to her. One sleeps in the bed, and one sleeps on the couch." He also said, "Oh, we're just flinging." He's a psycho.
@@tammyhollis1519 I never cheated on my ex wife. Even when she divorced me and we were separated I couldn’t bring myself to do anything with another woman other than talking. I don’t have any respect for men who jump in the bed with a woman after a meal and a few sweet words. Nor the woman that allowed it to happen. I stay completely silent with my ex wife. The only time I ever speak with her is when I absolutely have no choice which ends up being about our 4 children.
Oh. I know. You said that she "had to tell you about it." My spouse had to tell me about his affair and how his married girlfriend was being mistreated...as if I cared about her. I'm sorry for the misunderstanding.
@@tammyhollis1519 … it’s okay. There’s a lot missing in messages vs actually speaking face to face with someone. I’m sorry you had to go through that yourself. It’s hard and it takes time to heal and be able to trust someone else. Sometimes it takes time to even trust yourself in decision making moments. I do hope you have a wonderful day.
That’s a big nope 7X for me. I definitely used to be infected with the virus of narcissism I caught from my husband but since I am self aware I educated myself and worked hard to eradicate it from my system.
@@jaklumenYou beat me to it with the narcissistic fleas haha! One definitely picks them up without realizing it, especially when raised by them and/or having numerous family members. It’s sobering to recognize those traits in myself. Love your “dip treatments”.
My boss dad and sister are all narcs! I could care less about control and find it disgusting to exploit someone for my own needs! Shame on them! Hi Dr C and Team Healthy!!
Yep, it's a defense mechanism and also quite a bit of 'see what it is like'...words I often said to my narc husband since learning about narcissism (he negligent covert narc) in 2018. It always shut him up. He is deceased now...the last few years I was his caregiver. It was my sense of obligation, not love nor sympathy for him. I have my peace now and each day is a joy instead of each day pure stress and the struggle to find balance within me! Life is grand again.
My partner has all the above you mentioned... How i have faced that?.... Well....i have put first my mind..and second my heart.. This gave me the strength to resist The manipulation Always follow your heart, BUT take your mind with it
Thank you Dr Carter , no thank goodness’ but l have had the opportunity to live with one for a long time, it’s too bad that he had to be so mean l don’t know if calling a narcissist mean can be the same or would evil be a better word! I didn’t know what a narcissist was back then , l thought it was something l could fix 😂yeah “ it almost fixed me and my children too ‘in fact it did ‘ l sure wished l could have had your help back then 😢but l am ok , thank you for for helping these people out there with this terrible experience! 🙏❤️🇺🇸🙏💜
One of the main criteria to be actually diagnosed with NPD is denial. If a person is questioning if they’re a narcissist, that means they have the capacity to self reflect on their actions and the way they impact others. Narcissists wholeheartedly believe that everything is everyone else’s fault.
I think you just confirmed that my current bf of 5 years is a narcissist 😢 We’ve been struggling a lot lately and he often times will twist things around and gaslight me and god forbid I even mention what gaslighting is. He flips out. Quick to insult and jump the gun and get defensive. It’s not healthy to anyone’s nervous systems. At this point I’m not sure I can continue with him as sad as it is. I have to prioritize my peace and happiness.
A narcissist always wants to be in charge!That means if you have a talent that he does not have, he will not help you advance in your new venue. I heard you sing, and you are actually very good. Try to find a band where you can sing one or two songs in their set and move on (up).
@@williamalexander1743 yes that is quite true! He definitely can’t sing! Or do a lot of the things I can - talent wise. I am very empathetic, sensitive, caring, calm, etc. Into the arts, creative practices and YES singing! I love expressing myself through fashion and makeup too. Our latest argument is about my gay friend Michael and how he’s not allowed over to our house when we have children with makeup on. He barely wears makeup as it is, but even if he did I do not find that fair to my friend.
@@williamalexander1743 he views a lot of things in this black and white manner and he puts a lot of emphasis on math health science and engineering fields. We are exact opposites when it comes to our personalities and what we like to do aside from going out to restaurants and watching good movies. We do enjoy karaoke together and he’s a good performer! Just an awful vocalist. But I guess what I’m thinking is I don’t know how that will sustain a healthy relationship. He already gave me an ultimatum of having his children and now is enforcing his own traditions and values on how we would raise them and stuff. Just super controlling and weird.
A person with the actual NPD diagnosis would not be able to hear the traits the guy said in the video clip/denial. But people can still posses very strong narcissistic traits and wouldn’t fit the criteria for NPD because perhaps they know what they’re doing is wrong. For example, I was raised by a true narcissist and i inherited manyyyy of the toxic and abusive behaviors. I am self absorbed, I think I’m better than others (even though I know I am not at times), I lie to make myself look better, I manipulate people, etc. But I don’t fit the criteria of NPD bc I’m not in denial. (Actually I’m currently working towards figuring out a diagnosis but I possess many symptoms of NPD, BPD, and ASPD) So I’m definitely a fucked up human being, but I’m still one and I’m on a mission to get better.
I hope I’m keeping it to a minimum. I certainly must have some of the spectrum as I had much pain in my family of origin, that continued for all of my 65 years. Definitely lived in an alternate reality.
My X husband says I am and spews it all over his tiktok world. I was consider ok till I told him I had enough of his BS with me. I gave him 25 yrs of my life and tried to peaceably just dissolve the relationship because it wasn't working for me. He felt it was fine. Which he wasn't the one living with an adult toddler.
No. That would make me feel weird. I do like to share and being artistic, we can sometimes get excited in our own projects. But... having a heart, honesty, trustworthy, that’s all way more important. 😊✊💯👈🏻
I’ve (40M) had narcissistic traits in the past, and can admit to being the toxic person in a relationship. This was all in my mid-20s to early 30s, when I’d essentially use women to try and fill a void that couldn’t be filled that way. Lots of insecurities, but put on a mask to hide them and was quite good at it. Extremely charismatic and eloquent, great active listener, knew the right things to say etc. For me, it wasn’t about sex, but that process of meeting a woman and getting them to fall for me. Once I received that narcissistic supply, I’d move on to the next one. It genuinely was like a drug, but as I mentioned it never made me feel whole. Fortunately, through self-reflection I realized just how manipulative I was, which led to intensive therapy once a week. Went through everything with my therapist and asked if I was truly a narcissist, and she emphatically stated no. Narcissists rarely hold themselves accountable, while I did. They don’t seek out professional help, but I did. Narcissists don’t understand empathy, but I’m an empath to my core. Most importantly, I realized womanizing was directly tied to childhood trauma and not getting the validation kids and teens need. It also didn’t help growing up in a toxic household with two high-functioning addicts for parents. My mother was a textbook narcissist, and as a kid you can’t help but absorb some of those behaviors because it’s what you grew up with. My home life was the main reason why I decided to enlist as an active duty U.S. Marine; far and away one of the best decisions of my life. While it molded me into a strong and resilient person, it also made me far more confident and, admittedly, egotistical. I went from this teen who never got laid or went to a school dance to suddenly getting lots of attention from women. It was akin to depriving a child of sugar their whole life, then giving them a bucket full of chocolates. So, to say I indulged would be an understatement. There’s an infamous saying in the military: “A woman in every port.” My five years on active was a textbook example of this, and it only continued after my honorable discharge. Started college immediately at 25 and was surrounded by 19-21 year-olds who liked how I was older and far more experienced. So, the womanizing continued well past graduation and the start of grad school. Eventually, I sought therapy but also voluntarily entered into a drug treatment program through the VA. Not for actual drugs, but the addiction with women. Attended NA meetings, shared my story. Shortly before graduation, I decided to make a list of every woman I had hurt (nobody told me to do this, I wanted to). Then, I either messaged them on social media or texted to offer a sincere, heartfelt apology. Some didn’t respond, others did and basically told me to drop dead, and somewhere in between those two were responses that forgave me. Keep in mind, I never set out to do this expecting an apology. The ones who told me to drop dead had every right to feel that way. I’m proud of the work I’ve done, as well as how far I’ve come. However, I feel as humans we should never be content and always look for ways to improve.
Bro I’m the Irish version of you but U.K. MoD became an alcoholic had a body count in the 90s. Sober 18 years faithful for 23. What you described in reaching out like that is step 4 in a 12 step programme. You can’t reach everybody so writing a letter of apology and burning it is next best thing. Then you forgive yourself and move on with your life.👍
No, but I'd sure like to share this with the one I blocked from my life. Took me decades to figure it out, thanks to you & others here, Dr. Carter. Thank you.❤
Anyone who does self introspection, can actually see that there are 3 fingers pointing back at them when they point their finger at others, be accountable for the pain they cause others and realize there is no I in the word TEAM. Is not a narcissist.
At one time i thought i may have been the narcissist after being told im a bully and selfish. The difference is, i do not want to control anyone, i just dont want to be controlled a narcissist
All the toxicity I been thru with a narcissist baby mama, I wish I was a narcissist to combat what I been thru out navigate without being beat down. And I'm not weak or naive. I'm just a good person giving others benefits I guess but I handling things better because of y'all therapeutic videos
Unfortunately thats my mum, she has too much history of manipulation not to be one and nobody has ever been good enough for her, including me and my children.
Not only do these people not care if you try to tell them you have something haunting you it’s affecting your life and affecting your relationship. They wouldn’t even let you finish you thought probably not even your sentence.
You have scared me During my life I had to embrace part of those traits because I haven't seen nothing normal. I had to adopt part of it because I had to remain fora while in the unhealthy mentally people I took care of myself after I found people can't fill the black hole "in my soul where was supposed to be soul where was supposed to be my mom and dad's love for me. I did it wrong cause 22 years ago no one spoke about narcissism. And I went astray because I was without proper guidance. And now you're telling that I'm narcissistic.
Orang normal akan berupaya meminimalisir.. Sedangkan NARC ➡️ UP 🔥 Sejalan sih, orang yang sadar agama akan amalnya kalau bisa menghilangkan sifat-sifat munafik, sedangkan NARC justru melekat.... Adu domba, muka dua, mengambil keuntungan, schadenfreude dll Berdasarkan ilmiah bukan asal klaim secara sepihak karena suka tidak suka/kebutuhan Mengedukasi sekali untuk orang awam yang belum tahu NARC 🙏 Berat HISABnya menjadi seorang NARC untuk jariyahnya 😶 semoga cukup bekalnya Thx 🙏
Having had a psychiatrically diagnosed narcissist for a parent my feeling is that if you have the objectivity and concern to ask, “Am I a narcissist?”, the answer is probably NO…still get checked out but narcs don’t generally have the ability to think about themselves this objectively.
I wonder if there is narcissism in animals, because there is a trend to acknowledge it as something natural high up on the mystic scale of evolotionary theory.
My dog is definitely a narcissist. It’s funny but I’m serious. She has an overtly proud attitude with ZERO boundaries, automatically includes herself in everything, makes me work excessively on keeping her from taking off, everything is for her perusal whether it be sofa cover, bed sheets, or your hand to use, abuse or destroy. And is 💯 non-apologetic about it all. 😱
I absolutely need no control over noone. I want most of all people out of my life and away from me. Especially now. Freedom and justice are what I stand for. I have lost all lovers I live and live totally alone without a husband or any Family life. Gro Vera Neste Christiansen
I very asked myself this many times.. I am do narcissistic people even question that about their self? Perhaps some have characteristics that seem the as narcissistic people however are not. So I can't answer for sure.
Do narcissists try and say everyone shows signs, meaning everyone is a narcissist? Cause i only heard of what narcissism was like, i believe, a year or two ago.
Oh now I get it. U people think I'm one of u. This behavior towards me? That's how u treat ur own? U people forced ur way into my life. When narcissist never heard of it. The world as I knew it. That's gone.
Is it possible to have 'situational' behaviors that mimic narcissism, but really are just learned defense mechanisms? Like a lot of peeps, i have chips on my shoulder from being put down...... which naturally trigger me to project myself in a way that refutes the perception of being 'weak, stupid and powerless' ? 😊
Oh my goodness...I am not alone! I have, through the years, slowly gotten rid of my 'chips'...many (or most) from childhood, never really being heard, the invalidation of my emotional needs, being made to feel as if not clever enough to have solved a few problems by myself (which as an only child left rather much alone, I certainly did). I often felt powerless and not believed. So true about the triggers and projecting self in my case as well.
@@misottovoce I'm so touched by your reply. No, you sure aren't alone and you expressed your insights so well, I related to all your feelings and don't feel alone anymore either 🤗 I'm happy that you got rid of your chips! How did you do it? Mine seem to precede me with lives of their own 😏. I wish childhood wasn't as challenging as it is for so many
