Are you actually autistic or are you really an introvert? (5 Ways To Know the Difference) 

At 62, I feel like a child in an adult world that I am not privy to and don't understand.

The part about making friends made a lot of things suddenly click for me: I don't want to make friends, I want to have friends.

The reason for not having many friends: trying to be social always ends up with someone trying to take advantage of me, which causes me to distance myself from them. It's easier to avoid having "friends".

Disclaimers for the video. As an autistic person: you can be completely unaware of why you are struggling, unaware of the anxiety you are feeling or any sensory issues. How do I know, because I'm 36, recently diagnosed and have only gradually learnt these things over decades when other people have explicitly pointed them out to me or I've had an extreme reaction to something and finally recognised the why. It's why it is so beneficial to listen to the lived experiences of other autistics to recognise similar experiences within ourselves. The second thing to note is as a neurodivergent person you naturally surround yourself within a neurodivergent bubble of people and places that you find easy because you speak on the same wavelength and adjust the environment similarly so they aren't hostile. How do I know? Because both my children have very quickly identified neurodivergent peers to be their friends and our family's friends/relatives kids are all neurodivergent as well. It is why we didn't realise for years we are autistic as the "normal" behaviour of our children was the same as our family and friend's kids until each of them gradually got diagnosed. It's why I don't like the us vs them style videos as I would have once considered myself introverted or typical and you just end up feeling like an imposter and go back to your "safe" label instead of a journey of self discovery, acceptance and improvement.

One is a preference, the other feels like survival. Great video Paul

It's amazing I used to think I was just severely socially phobic when I was a teen in the late 90's. But then in my 20's it was oddly easy to overcome social anxiety, but still couldn't ever seem to fit the wavelength of the world and was always struggling ending up alone. All makes sense now.

Except with my closest friend, interactions online are so much more restful than in person. Working from home since COVID has really been a revelation!

this "life on hard mode" is a really good description of how I feel all the time. I've never been diagnosed with autism, but the more I learn about the experiences of those who are diagnosed, the more I feel like I should get diagnosed as well, cause it seems to explain all the difficulties I have in life.

> clicks video > Premieres in 2 days > "oh okay, see you in 2 days"

Im 58 and this has solved the self esteem destroying screwups and problems I have had my entire life. People cannot figure out why I am so smart but struggle with so many things. Besides having an ADHD dx, Ive been given loads of misdiagnosis over the years but it turns out from this and other things.. I have Autism. I am completely in this Autism list. People cannot get me.. Im a bit like "Rain man" when people get me onto a topic that I am good at. I cannot deal with gaslighting despite having a brilliant education in psych. I can analyze it later, but not deal with it at the time. I cannot stand bright lights, strong smells, lots of noises etc Can you imagine how hard it was being an RN ? I was totally sensory overwhelmed. I literally shut down half way through my shifts. I need alone time because I am too confronted outside in the world. I cannot negotiate normal social conversations.. they make no sense to me.

3 years ago I would qualify as an introvert. But now, recovering from a burnout, I realise I've been gaslighting myself the whole life. Feels crazy

About three years ago, I considered whether I was autistic or not. After going over some of the traits, I leaned towards not and I never got an assessment because of that. Recently, I started listening to autistic people about their experiences. Now listening to this video, I am really starting to question whether I am or not and I think I need to get an assessment. Thank you for sharing your experiences

I was sure I was not from this planet when I was little. I thought my parents were not mine and were lying to me. *I am AuDHD*

Lots of kids ARE excluded BECAUSE they are quiet. Any little difference in a person is a reason other kids use to tease/shun/bully. It could be because of the clothes you wear, the color of your skin, a lisp, a crooked tooth, red hair, too short, too fat, too skinny, too tall, etc. Once you are excluded for just a year or two of your life in childhood, it makes a kid more socially awkward because they are going to be nervous around peers they suspect will do more teasing/bullying/shunning. And the social awkwardness leads to more teasing/bullying/shunning.

There is one more type that needs to be considered: outliers. For instance: extremely intelligent or extremely naturally talented people may have difficulties fitting into the norm. A very intelligent child may have interests so different from his or her peers, that small talk is difficult. A talented sporty kid may be subject to envy. He or she is really popular when making the winning points in a game, but there is an apartness he will feel because he is a stand-out. (Or she) Etc.

I can check most of these boxes. I don’t really like going to stores and malls and avoid them if possible but I can do it if there’s a specific reason or thing I’m shopping for. I remember as a kid my mom and grandma dragging me around on shopping trips and getting really irritable with them and not knowing why. They told me there “must be something wrong with you.” I also have 4 kids. When you’re a parent, you do whatever is necessary for them even if it’s uncomfortable to do so. I guess you could say I get grumpy if I’m interrupted or something I’m not expecting pops up out of the blue, but a lot of times I internalize it, suck it up and cope with it the best I can, even though inwardly I’m uncomfortable. I don’t have tons of sensory issues, but I’m pretty sensitive to certain sounds and smells. At almost 73 years of age I most likely won’t pursue an official diagnosis but videos such as these help me understand what may be behind some of my “quirks.”

The 5th question really struck me. I was always alone as a kid and well into my teenage years. I also remember never approaching more than two other kids at a time. Whenever I noticed another kid by themselves I would gravitate to them and more often than not it worked out. I still have that tendency to look for other seemingly shy or isolated people in social settings.

Thank you, not only does this explanation confirm my autism (still undiagnosed at 76) but it clears a lot of guilt and regrets from past actions and attitudes I have had. Bless you. 🙏🏼

I don’t know, but this video left more more confused than before. I don’t consider myself an extreme introvert, I’m more of an extraverted intravert, but I do find social situations draining, I loath small talk and find it exhausting, and the only time I get energized when I’m with people is when we can talk about deep stuff that’s of interest to me (and them, obviously). That said, I like meeting new people and I like traveling to new places, because it gives me the chance to explore the world, connect and maybe find other folks like me. Because yes, I do feel like an outsider and like I don’t fit into the typical way most people behave. I am also very sensitive to smells and noise, so shopping centers and crowds are a no-go zones for me. At the same time, I don’t view the external world as ”hostile” per se, I see it as ”exhausting”. I like going out for the adventure of it, because being alone at home is not healthy for me either, but home is still my safe haven. So, I feel that I’m somewhere in between on all those questions…

seeming introverted was a part of me masking for years. It was a way to explain me isolating myself and not socialising that got accepted by other people

Me, being both autistic as extremely introverted: going out? What? 😆

I have been depressed for a long time, but after taking shrooms few months ago, l feel much happier and highly motivated and my ADHD gone , lost a ton of anxiousness and had a few epiphanies about how I should live my life. I decided to buy an ounce for backup, but haven’t yet felt the need to take any more since then.

The feeling of safety when I’m alone busy with my hobbies! Yes this is what I always feel! And the suffering during school breaks due to horrible noise! And constant eye squinting! And feeling sick as soon as the car doors open (smells). As a child I felt like a being of different species. Then I figured out that I’m the same species, but profoundly different. Never on the same wavelength with my peers. Always weirdo always needed to be fixed. I’m introvert, yes! But I’m also autistic. I used to want to have friends. Now I’m tired of trying and after so many fails and rejections or being ghosted I just decided to be on my own with my one only long term friend and closest family. Plus I Stimm a lot, especially rocking and watching one point in space for one hour is so wonderful soothing and relaxing it helps me calm down in any situation when I have issues to regulate my emotions.

The thing is, with the first thing about why people like to be alone, it’s a mixture of both for me, there’s a lot of things I like doing alone, like reading, walking in the woods, exploring the city, and just thinking. But there’s also a factor, albeit one that’s diminishing by the day, of being kinda afraid of people, particularly a lot of people around my own age, but I kinda feel like it has to do with trauma more than anything.

I was bullied since the day I was born, including by my own family, just for existing in a different way than most kids and people around me. I did not know how to mask and hide certain things when I was small, so it was obvious to everyone upon first meeting me I was from another world. I was always (and still am) more interested in objects, numbers, animals and nature than in engaging extensively with others. I feel empathy and compassion for people and often deeply, but I simply don't have much interest in nor capacity for constant interaction. I also find many topics most people like to talk about in spare time to be strange and uninteresting. I also don't speak much in my personal life, and that is rarely acceptable if you are in company of others. If I talk to someone new, trying to get to know them, that is extreme effort on my side, but thankfully it happens so rarely that I really get interested and intruiged like that.

I would pause after each question to ask myself before hearing your answers, and my responses were almost verbatim to the autistic experience. Another bittersweet confirmation for me , yet still undiagnosed 🌹

I'm not sure why I'm crying but this video made me cry. I was diagnosed 2 months ago.

Thanks for covering this great topic! I am self diagnosed and this makes me even more convinced! Most of the time, i can't even stand the noise level of family get togethers, especially when children are there.

I have no issue making friends but I have the hardest time maintaining relationships. I suck and texting/calling/arranging meet up and being an actual friend. But when I’m with them in person I enjoy it but the pressure of knowing I suck at keeping friendships is the thing that makes me avoid it

am literally diagnosed formally by multiple psychs and still I doubt

I was diagnosed at 5, but hopefully my family denied it... I understood it was real at 50... when symptoms get softer... There is a message for those who struggle with AS... you can learn... it's not easy. I've learned amateur theater, skydive (imagine my brain falling - the monitors have a video on me about lucidity problems and unpredictable behaviors, but I have 175 jumps and I did some VR), climbing , and my preferred is strangely big walls... indoor is very stressful for me... I love open air and rock. What I love in what people call "extreme sports" (add urban biking and trekking), is... controlling. This good feeling of controlling, following rules, managing your breath, following predictable need by your peer... My experience is that people tried to help me, to dress, to behave, they even tried to matchmake me... All I could do was to repair the coffee machine and build Ikea furniture... and that is the secret. Do your best, try to help, try to learn... I'm married (was very indirect) because I offered a beer in a camping, after a hard rain... we were just as alone as possible there, orphan of a cancelled dancing night... Life is learning. Imagine that I preferred to travel 2h in train than bike 60km no to have to phone... Now I do phone (Teams in fact, I hate phone) support... I'm known to be very engaged in helping, but it's because I'm desperate to solve the problem... when the problem is unsolvable, I'm furious, in panic, shouting at the sky... but job is done... Life is a joke. If you feel struggling with many things in like, know it can improve... slowly, but really... some people will try to help you, but you will not understand often. I'm married with a kid too... thanks to my experience in skydive (when you jumped 175 times at 4000m, taking the hand of a girl is... just a harder challenge, but it's possible). Try to help, try to learn, and open your eyes... anyway it will be slow and not easy.

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

My autistic husband never needed to be particularly social, and so he preferred to keep to himself and do things on his own. Just goes to show the experience across the spectrum is very varied. Some autistic people are very social, some less so, some struggle with being social but want to be, and some just don't have the need.

It's quite difficult for me to remember how I was getting along as a child. I simply don't have many memories. The first time I actually met other children on a regular basis was in school. I was on a 6-week health cure when I was five - alone without parents. With many other children. The only relationship I had was with one of the personnel. However, rejection was a frequent experience. I always wanted to belong, but except for a few cases, I never connected or I experienced rejection - even disgust. Nowadays, I simply don't look for connection - or I don't have any expectations when engaging with others.

Yes, feeling like I am from another planet. An outsider, always.

I used to think I was an introvert and inadvertently pushed myself further towards introversion. It turns out that I am actually autistic, and even worse, I am actually an extrovert. I love spending time with others, going to parties, being in crowds, and talking to random people. I just don't like that my lack of social intuition leads me to getting in trouble with people. I didn't have to worry about being accused of harassment if I just didn't talk to people. Now, however, I have just accepted that the lack of fulfillment in life is a worse outcome than going to jail again. And I don't like wearing autism on my sleeves, but now I know that if push comes to shove, I can just pull out the uno reverse autism card.

Hi, I'm 74, and have always been an introvert. Thank you for this clear explanation of the differences, some subtle, between introversion and autism. When I was in school, autism was unkbown to most, later it was thought it only affected boys, etc. I had good friends in school, not many, but a few I am close to even now. As a young adult I was included in my late husband's circle ( he was a local celebrity), and so on. So I really didn't have to go out and search for friends. But Ive always had social anxiety, sometimes very severe. I can go out and speak casually to people I don't know, and dont mind most environments except warehouse stores and noisy restaurants. Fortunately, I have the means to create my own large safe space at home. So, maybe I am borderline. But it may not matter at my age. Thsnks again for this video. 🌺

1. Why do you like spending time alone? Is it because you like solo activities or because you find people stressful? 2. How much effort do you have to put in to maintain relationships? Introverts tend not to go out and meet people just to meet people. Are relationships difficult or just not interesting? Autistic people often want more friends and less small talk. 3. Do you have an atypical sensory profile? Are malls too loud and bright? 4. Do you find it difficult to regulate your emotion? Autistic people often have this problem and will focus through stimming. This is often a byproduct of sensory sensitivity. 5. Do you feel like you belong with your peers, or do you feel like an outsider? Fitting in requires more effort, and the usual tactics of reaching out don't work for autistic people. They're often alone due to outright rejection. Kids are not always sugar, spice, and everything nice.

I really appreciate your ordered style of presenting info and dividing it into chapters. It feels calming to my brain somehow, and I think I absorb the information a bit better. Thanks for making these!

Thank you for those questions! While asking the questions, please note a reality check - - Does the world and do people feel hostile toward you? There are locations where hostility happens, it's not you. Explore a bit. I started by positioning unknown people as trees and bushes, nice and neutral, which helped me identify when those weren't trees, they were hostile and unsafe. It was them, not me. If it's you, then proceed with the next questions. - Do shopping centers and certain stores overwhelm your senses? Playing can-can music and having flashing lights means it's them, not you, even if everyone else feels it's fine. If it's the sheer variety of textures on book backs in the library, or an intrusive awareness of the fabric fibers and textures on all the other people in your commuter train, it's you (although arguably, find a commuting time when there are fewer people). - Are the people around you resisting having deep conversations, and want to stay strictly superficial? That's THEIR problem. Find your tribe and enjoy life! - Do you feel a strain trying to remain included, and suspect people just want you out of their way? There can be a wish to exclude you for being "not like us" - because of age, nationality, job experience, their own insecurity, a projection that you don't like them, not some sense that you're autistic.... It may also be what I consider a form of evil, they want to rally the group into a cohesive unit, and excluding someone brings the others together - the 'fickle finger of fate' simply chose you for exclusion, because you could be chosen without repercussions. - Do you feel like an alien, just not part of the group? If you encountered the exclusion above at a very early age - a sibling died, or some such - you won't notice that it's an external force, and decide it's something inborn. Find out. You might just be independent-minded, in a group of group-think fans. Become a force for real inclusion, making sure people on the edges of the group don't get dropped (left off the email mailing list, etc.). You've got characteristics that you can use for good in the world.

Some non-autistic introverts like myself find people stressful because of a history of being bullied/teased/shunned by people for most of their lives.

I thought myself as introverted all my life. 6 years ago I got an autism diagnoses and oddly enough a week ago I started wondering if I was never really introverted. Weird how your episode came out right when I needed it. I once again have more evidence I’m just autistic.

I've been VERY solitary since Covid. I literally leave my flat to go food shopping, once a week. Today, for the first time in ages, I was non-food shopping in town before noon! ... I hate mornings. They're totally alien to me. The experience was predictably uncomfortable. Too many people. Too much noise. The lights were too bright. The traffic, too noisy. And, to top it all off, the PRICES were too high! ... But I can't blame THAT on autism! 🤣

I feel like this is a maximalist reading of autism, with less insight into what introverts really experience. Which makes sense, coming from a high-functioning advocate for autism awareness. But I think you have made a valuable, stigma-free discussion starter. I’m going to re-watch this with one of my kids, because your categories are so broad that we can both identify with them in different ways. So, thanks!

I'm a girl with Aspergers syndrome, feeling introvert and scared of conflicts, shy with some people and problem with eye contact

yes x5, especially the last bit. I've recently been remembering a lot of rejection stuff from my past

Dad: Want to go to Wal-Mart? Me: (checks internal nopeameter) (Curls up under blanket) Sorry too tired just thinking about it.

I feel like this can also explain some autistics *perceived* as more introvert -- They might actually be more extraverted than preciously thought, but due to those extra regulations autistics experience a introvert-like social drainage. Unmasking , and/or in comfortable social situations may exhibit more extravert traits. From outside it looks like situationally introvert-extravert. While non-autistic introvert sound like they might be more 'consistent' in their energy levels throughout situations. --- At least that (situationally) is what I experience, trying to find a fitting 'schema' for my experience. --- Thanks for the video!

self diagnosed ASD (with possible ADHD) only formally diagnosed with anxiety / depression / selective mutism, but I'm convinced it's not just introversion none of the usual methods to help that worked and have a whole other set of traits unrelated to socialising difficulties like monotropism, hyper focus, special interests, echolalia, stimming etc. I think I was missed early on because I could mask for short bursts long enough to do tests the way I thought they wanted them done :/ and didn't really have empathy issues

This topic really is one I feel pretty hard. It took me decades to realize that words like extrovert/introvert or even shy didn't really fit. I can be energized by social situations like an extrovert, but I can spend long periods of time choosing to do solitary things as well. I thought I had social anxiety, maybe I am a shy extrovert? But the more I looked into it, it wasn't fear holding me back, it was this feeling of being an outsider, this desire to jump right into deep connection but having no idea how that happens, I just know that its the only thing that ever seems to work in those rare instances when it does. The only trait that doesn't seem to fit well for me is that any sensory issues that I have seem mild enough that they have just been mistaken for other things or well masked. I really WANT more friends and more connection with people yet, but more and more I realize its hard for me to go from the theoretical want to a specific one. I want to be connected to people but I find it nearly impossible to be interested in them unless they really engage me intellectually in ways that small talk can't do.

I am really glad I have found your channel today,. I’m 62 and starting to understand and belief myself around autism. It is so helpful listening to your videos because they are very clear and I can take in what you are saying…you describe so much that resonates with my experiences in the world. Especially, the video about the differences between being introverted and being autistic has made things a lot clearer for me. I will keep watching.

1: Because dealing with people is physically painful. I go to the store and buy a pack of gum. That's my daily social needs taken care of. Why put myself through any more than that? It would be nice to have friends. There's even one guy I consider a good friend. I last saw him a couple of years ago. I don't visit people much. 2: I have no idea how other people make friends. It takes me months to get to know someone. Partly because of hiding from the world, I have to admit. But people don't make any sense to me. It's like being dropped on an alien planet. 3: I don't know about sensory issues. What's normal to other people? Yes, malls are too loud; particularly the food court. I keep the volume down on my music and videos. Loud places are physically exhausting. And for some reason I can't wear wrist watches anymore. They annoy my wrist. 4: Beats me. What's "emotional regulation"? I'm not sure what the actual question is, although it seems to be related to how easily I burn-out or go into meltdown. I'm better than I was. I've learned to back away or not get into those situations as often. 5: I don't have peers. I've always lived at 90 degrees to the world. I don't know if I'm actually autistic. I was diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder in 1980, but when I looked it up it didn't sound a bit like me. I recently went to a therapist in my health network for a proper diagnosis and she said at my age it would be too difficult and expensive. After the first 50 or 60 years it's hard to read past the mask. But I look autistic, so let's just go with that. Some group therapy would help me understand myself and learn strategies to improve my life. My first thought was, "Which part of 'don't do well with groups' aren't you understanding?"

Its clear that a lot of thought has gone into this; its really well done and I have no doubt that it is going to help a lot of people. Thank you.

I am an autistic introvert. I remember, when I was in my late 20s and early 30s and had to see my rheumatologist a few Saturdays a year, and I would have to have everything planned. I'd be ready for the appointment, then I'd have to be home after shopping, put my feet up, have my dinner planned and say, "Okay, tonight I'll watch the ABC from 7pm, and prepare my dinner while the news is on and eat it at 7:45pm and be ready to watch The Bill and a couple of other shows afterwards." I needed that to regulate. If I go to a gathering, I need time to myself beforehand and afterwards, and try to make my way there alone.

this is so clear bro:) the first video ive seen where everything is dissected and explained calmly, nicely, and engagingly! awesome. thank you so much! im likely autistic in some way/on some end of the spectrum but im also an introvert just from preference for activities, but this really helps put everything into perspective.

Hello. I’m 53 from Spain. I have discovered your channel recently. After having a son with diagnosed autism or asperger, and looking for more information on the subject, your videos have helped me to understand myself. All my life I have been thinking I was extremely introverted person. Now I know that, was only a part of my personality, and has helped me to be more in peace with myself. Thank you.

Thanks, Paul. I have experienced rejection all my life, because of autism but also because of socioeconomics. I was expected to fit a particular mould, and to portray the stereotype of the successful Australian worker. I do have sensory issues, in relation to bright lights, and to loud noisy environments. I am, for the most part, an introvert. As much as I am creative, I am not appreciated for the efforts I go to maintain relationships.

Thank you! I just got my add diagnosis last year at 44 and one of my sons have both add and atypical autism. I've always been shy and as a teenager and grown up I started getting social anxiety but have never had any problem finding fiends and still have the same best friends as when I was 7. I'm totally satisfied with the number of friends I have and the quality of our relations. I would say that most introverts like deep meaningful conversations with close friends more than small talk but I can do the small talk when I have to. So I'm most likely an introvert as I'v always thought. Thank you for these exellent questions!

#1: More introvert than autistic. #2: More autistic than introvert. For me, I'm fine with social situations and I want more friends. The hard parts are: a.) Taking a casual relationship to friend level. and b.) Relationships are a lot of work. #3: I'm not sure. I think I'm a bit of both. There are some where that's a yes, but others (common for autistic people) that aren't as bad for me or that I can ignore. #4: I feel like I'm better at emotional regulating when I'm out in public. But that's only because I have my home space where I can decompress. The hardest thing for me is when I need to emotional regulate at home. #5: Definitely on autistic side when I was in school. Nowhere near the same as an adult.

I don't know about exclusion from others. But I'm more familiar with avoidance of others because you'll just end up annoying them, or will always be the weakest link in the chain.

This really hits the nail on the head. Now I not only see that I've probably been on the Autism spectrum all my life, but other members of my family are/have been also. Thanks for all you do, Paul, your courage is awesome!

Thank you so much Paul for this helpful video 🙏🏽

Hi Paul, Thanks for your excellent presentations on autism and how it can affect people in different ways. I am almost 80 years old and have just realised that I may be autistic (I have a good friend whose son is autistic and I could see many traits in him that I could recognise myself). My GP has referred me to the local ASD clinic (in Edinburgh, Scotland) but I have no idea how long that I will have to wait to be seen. I have always considered myself as an introvert, simply because I did not know any different. I can relate to all five questions to some degree but two points stand out. The first being: "Why do I want to spend time on my own?" Well, the reason is because I feel that the world is stressful and dangerous. This is further complicated by my loss of peripheral vision (glaucoma) which makes walking in crowds highly stressful, so I prefer to stay at home. I can "cope" with going to the supermarket as long as what I'm looking for is in its usual place. If its not then I feel that its hostile to me and I can have a mini meltdown. I have always felt like an alien but now I can see why. Having spent all these years putting mask on and trying to be "normal", I now have to try and figure out who the real me is, and that's not going to be easy.

Thank you for this video. I'm 29 months into a 3 year wait for an autism diagnosis in the UK. It feels like my life is in limbo waiting to get this assessment and confirmation of why life has always felt on hard mode. I am super high masking, adhd/c-ptsd/anxiety etc and deal with a lot of shame attached to my capacity within this world. It is a constant battle to get by daily and accept myself fully for who I am; limitations included. I have been wondering deeply on this matter of introversion vs asd for a great deal of time now. All my answers today were in line with the autism response examples so that has given me some further comfort I am on the right path and the wait is worthwhile.

Every one of those questions was spot on, though food isn't so bad for me in terms of sensory but certainly any place that isn't home is a huge struggle for me

These are very interesting questions. I always thought I was an introvert. I had difficulty making friends, preferring to have just a good one. I now realise that my best friend in primary school was autistic ❤ I think that camouflaging/masking also helped me growing up because I managed to hide in the middle of the social strata: I didn't want to be popular (because then I'd be in the spotlight), nor did I want to be unpopular... for the exact same reason. So I taught myself to blend in and not draw attention to myself. I wanted to appear as normal as possible. I was part of a large group of girls at high school, but they were more acquaintances. I never got that close to any of them. Yet again, I hid myself in the group, using them as a shield. They were exhausting though! I copied behaviours and learnt to have socially acceptable interests/obsessions (pop bands of the 80s, for example). In adulthood, I studied sociology because I wanted to really understand how the world worked 😂😂😂 The secret stimming, the meltdowns, the utter exhaustion from socialising and trying to be a normal member of society... check.

Thank you for this video! I keep having imposter syndrome and these help pull me back to center.

Thanks for this. With recently late-diagnosed (41) AuDHD, I struggle a lot with Imposter syndrome, but I relate to every single question.

I don't even like friends coming over because I'm afraid of being a bad host, somehow upsetting my guest, or showing a quirk or trait that I'm judged for.. but I think that last one is the biggest factor for me because my home is the one place I expect to be safe from beratement.. until I open the door to the internet at least..

Brilliant video. "Playing life in hard mode" - that comment is so true. In my teens I was convinced there wss something different about me - yes I asked myself that 'alien question' (and had some of my peers half-believing I was alien!) - but it took almost fifty years and a lot of professional help peeling back layers of masking to uncover what I am. When I'm in public I feel I'm putting on an act to fit in, to function as expected; when I get home I feel I have successfully completed a mission (eg shopping) in enemy territory without detection.

I can't answer no.4 yet. Most of the time I just bottle up mine. No.3, however, I find myself puzzled. I find myself going to supermarket, department store, or even concerts, easy. In those place, I can just look and walk, wander around, only focus on anything I found interesting. For concert, my attention is more to enjoying the singer I 'meet' and singing their songs, while people's attention are on them, not me. For supermarkets, I can ram around aisle to aisle. And people are busy with their own groceries. This goes similar as going to department store. I can move from store to store with barely to no interaction. What I find struggling, is going to places like office or school. Especially office now with my age, because the pressure is there. You feel like being watched, too many involuntary interactions (voluntary is still hard), eye contacts during interactions (especially meeting and presentations), unwritten rules (even if clock out time is 6 PM and your tasks are done, you can't leave unless majority has left), conversation topic (small talks, or interests not met), frequent schedule distruption (those after office hang out), etc. With other stimuli like scent, sounds, very slight shaking, I can ignore after several minutes. But with interaction, the feel of people staring at me. That's overwhelming.

This is by far the most accurate comparison between a typical and an autistic. It helps me to explain to other people when they say to me: no, you don't look like you are autistic. Thank you for the video.

Train stations. Going there, finding the right train, constantly checking the time, always on the edge and being nervous, getting a huge outburst of rage that I have Tu suppress when somehing goes not according to plan, avoiding any interaction except employees to check everything. Getting irritated by the light, getting way more irritated by the notice, when finally sitting in the train, constantly checking where I am, feeling huge discomfort and nervous it sitting their. Tried to focus to something else, like reading or listening to music, only music helps, when the train has a display for the stops. Getting huge relief when arriving at the correct place and time. Dreading the day to use a train I don't know. Getting huge close to rage quit feelings when something gets changed for a different reason as strike or repairs. It takes long to get used to even the shortest travels. Having an imminent feeling of slight panic when the train is to early (so I, despite seeing the number) so I question if it is the train, or when it is late, so my complete plan could maybe fall apart and I would be forced to adjust. Completely annoyed when the train is full, so I cannot sit in usual range of a display, so I need to stay at (most of the time) doors of the train amongst some people, completely annoyed when they talk cause I hat it when the station gets announced and I could overhear it. Prefer to take a car, and even consider just buying one, even if it is fact that compared to other countries, Germany has a good train network, but I prefer to drive alone where I can control everything of my tour even if it would mean getting into traffic jams or making multiple stops and having the risk of getting to late, not where I want to in the first place or deal with the schedule and all this mess above. I hate it when people cry, especially women. It just makes me "numb", I go into immediate survival push through this mode, targeting a solution, if it is crying because of the other person is wanting to get attention or has no reason, I become completely cold. Loud crying of a child or baby.

An excellent, informative video with explanations rarely covered through therapy.

Oh man, that third question hits so close to home. Literally earlier today, when I was visiting with my brother and his family for Mother’s Day, I was struggling so much with the food (sometimes the flavor is nice, but the texture is off, other times the texture is fine but the flavor is overwhelming or off putting), the occasional shouts from my little nephew, to the general feeling like I was being rude, or that my aversions to the food and noise would be perceived as rude. I struggle so much just with noise on a regular basis whenever I leave the house, to the point that I tend to wear headphones or earplugs all the time to try and cope. Idk if this necessarily means that I’m autistic, exactly. I have been previously diagnosed with ADHD and OCD, so it’s possible my sensory sensitivity might be more of a general neurodivergent thing than an Autistic thing.

I value my alone time, but it wasn’t until the pandemic that I noticed how much I miss people.

Yes I am an introvert and love it.

Valuable post. Thank you.

The DSM5 defines autism on the basis of behavior. "Why" is not relevant so much as "if". We can debate whether the medical-model DSM5 is really the best basis for defining autism but that is another topic. If you meet DSM 5 criteria then I dont think you need to worry about just being a misguided introvert. But its ok to take your time exploring your identity. No matter what you are, you're wonderful. :)

It would be really interesting to see a video like this that answers a (sort of) opposite question, are you actually introverted or is it just your autism? i feel like there might be a lot of extroverted autistic people who don't realize they're extroverted because social situations can be so stressful. i'm not sure whether it would be helpful to anyone necessarily, but i think it's an interesting question

The part about making and having friends is very relatable to me. I never had any close friends. I had experiences in the past that those that I considered close ended up betraying me, so I was more closed off after. I only have a few friends that I consider 'safe' and I think I can trust, but no real close friends. Same thing with spending time alone, I can relate with that. It's both for me. I have so many hobbies I like to do but I need to do them in a space where I can be completely alone, or else I wouldn't be able to concentrate nor focus on what i'm doing. But on the other side, it's also because spending time with other people is extremely exhausting, for a lot of reasons.. Sometimes to the point where it leads to emotional and physical fatigue and I feel like I need to sleep for 5 days straight or something. Malls are fine with me, because I find that most people wouldn't notice me and walk straight through, minding their own business. They're bright but the brightness is just right. Being in one is still uncomfortable and feels unsafe to me but I can still handle it. I find local markets and modern markets more overwhelming because of the tight spaces, endless and loud chatter, different smells all at once, lack of proper lighting and people notice you and stare sometimes. For me it's too much to handle. That's what I say every once in a while, lol "Was I born on the wrong planet??" 😂 or sometimes "Was I born on the wrong era??"

Great video :) Here's my thoughts: I'm defo very introverted, always have been. Ever since I learned more about autism in my twenties I wondered if I'm on the spectrum, too. All of the points you made about the autistic experience resonate with me. Especially when looking at my childhood and early teens, before I learned how to "mask" and fit in better. (If I can even call it masking.) But the thing is, I recently got diagnosed with ptsd and add. And I'm sure these diagnoses are correct because it feels right and the treatments are helping me a bunch. How much of me feeling different and potentially fitting into the autism category is "just attention deficit disorder" and "just trauma"? You compare being an Introvert to being autistic, and that automatically excludes a couple of other neurodivergent experiences. It's fine, obviously. I suspect, those are the two things you know, so you talk about what you know. Maybe a sidenote would be nice that while you can resonate with everything you've described and be intoverted, autistic or both - you can also be neither. Or a completely different cocktail mix with add and other neurodivergent experiences:D

this was really insightful, thank you. i often feel that i am not autistic because i don't meet some of the autistic stereotypes. still, every single answer i gave confirmed that i resonate strongly with autism. socializing is exhausting, i have always felt isolated and fundamentally different from my peers, relationships are extremely difficult (yet i desire deep friendships), and the outside world is tremendously overstimulating.

Some of these points hold for people with other handicaps (sensory or physical/medical) as well. Disability in a major aspect of life can affect everything, including socializing. It requires more energy. Multiple handicaps can make it even more challenging. PTSD (and mental health issues it may be misdiagnosed as, or related to) can also be an acquired issue with both emotional regulation and certain environments, but usually will lead to withdrawal and mistrust of people, combined with mood swings. I always thought the key aspect of autism was problems with normal eye gaze, reading people's nonverbals (and yes, social anxiety and shyness is part of why problems exist.) and responding with appropriate nonverbal body language. By that specific criterion I am, as a roommate put it, "the least autistic person I know." If anything (because of being born deaf), I read microexpressions quite quickly and I can't understand how most people don't seem to see them. Do I always know what they mean, in a greater context? NO. Social experience teaches me a lot more about possible contexts as I age-- but I am not a mind reader. I do have autistic relatives, and a conversation with one really illuminated how differently we interacted with people. I can understand why he doesn't see a lot of social cues, he's not looking. I find it harder to understand "neurotypicals" doing that.

This is very helpful thank you

That was very good. Thanks.

I have a 21 year old son, diagnosed at 18 as having Autism. I was a rather shy introverted young man, so I initially had a hard time understanding how he was different from me. Videos like this are tremendously helpful to me in understanding what life is like for him.

1. I like being by myself because people stress me out and/or I don't really enjoy most people's company. I have to say though, while I feel I am an introvert (I've been inside my home for over 4 years now and I have no problem with it). I do have to say that one time I was in a hospital setting and the question came up and I said to the group I was with that I was an introvert and they all looked at me in surprise. None of them said they thought I was introverted but very friendly and talkative. Well, I may be like that when I am in a group because it's expected to be friendly and I use over talking to compensate for my nervousness (or I just over talk because I'm nervous). But I do enjoy activities by myself and the freedom to be who I am without trying to be what everyone expects me to be. That's why I'm fine with not having a mate, as well. I don't have to clean or cook or even bathe if I don't want to. I find things like shaving and make up superficial and unnecessary, expensive and wasteful use of time and money, and totally pretentious. Or maybe I'm just lazy and selfish. Who knows... Okay, I won't answer the next questions. Too much information... oh, hahaha! I used to practice and think about scripted replies when I was younger but after a number of years I realized that none of my conversations went as I anticipated so I gave up such a waste of time, energy and thought. I think it started when people used to say mean things to me and I didn't know how to respond or what to say until I was at home, hours later and thinking about it (obsessing) and then I would come up with a really good come back but it was too late to use. It was a source of frustration that I wasn't quick on my feet. Okay, number two is easier. I just don't like most people. They aren't interesting, they don't make sense, whatever. I mean, I don't HATE them, I just don't want to put forth any effort to be friends. Friendship takes a lot of time and effort. If I"m going to be friends with someone, I want to feel it's worth it. That might make me sound like a terrible person, and maybe I am. I'm honest, though. Small talk is boring. Gossip is boring. Chit chat is boring. I like deeper conversations. I am happy with having NO friends. I don't have any. I've been there and done that. I always end up used and abused. So God is my friend and I have a deep relationship with Him and my cats. That's all I need. And my computer so I can see and hear people and choose to reply or not, lol. But most of my computer time is spent studying everything I'm interested in; God, science (all of them, including medicine and other fields not usually associated with science like linguistics). I love research. There's way too many fields of interest I have to name them all here and I never have enough time and energy to study all I want. So, really no time for friends, either. The main reason I stop by here every now and then is because my autistic daughter told me recently (she's in her 40's now) that she thinks I display autistic traits and she thinks that's why I've had such a hard time in life (like maneuvering my way through it with any kind of success, understanding people, etc.). Wow, these are getting easier. Definitely yes to sensory preferences and I like the way you describe it as "being in control of my own environment". Unfortunately I can't shut the outside noises out of my house. They come right through the walls and windows. UGH. And there are so many loud noises here! And on number four question, I can say I have always had trouble regulating my emotions, different amounts and different emotions at different times in my life. In this time of my life (early sixties) it's the area of loud noises; sometimes I just want to go out and shoot people, the noise is so loud, shaking my windows and putting me in a rage! I'm glad I don't have a gun. I wish I could just let it go, man. It drives me insane. I don't have enough money to move on my SSDI, so I'm just stuck in a place where I go crazy about half a dozen times every day and night. I just have to get through them. They normally only last 5 or 10 minutes, but it seems like forever and sometimes I just want to scream at them. But then everyone in the neighborhood would think I was a crazy cat lady instead of just a nice cat lady and I don't want that reputation because kids can be really mean and thoughtless. Five: outsider from childhood, even in my own family because it was my mom, my stepdad and my half brother who was the family. And my mom hated me because I was the product of a man she hated viscerally for over 30 years after she left him. She was emotionally cold and cruel to me, every day as I remember it, but it increased as I got older, like from age 11 on it was unbearable to me. I was so glad when she kicked me out at 16 because I thought I had 2 more years of hell to live through before I could leave. I recall when I was in 4th grade, I gathered my own group of people/friends because I was rejected by everyone else. I chose what I called the, "rejects", you know, the other kids that didn't fit in, that everyone made fun of, the fat girl, the kid with pop bottle glasses, etc., and I gathered them all together around me as I stood on a small hill on the playground and I would preach to them the important things in life; not what was on the outside, but what was on the inside, not on the things you could see, but the invisible things, because those things were/are more real than physical reality, things like love, joy, peace, justice, peace, freedom, etc. I often wonder what happened to that person... Btw, the rejected people are God's favorites. Jesus is waiting for you if you've been rejected all your life. He wants to give you a wonderful family all just like you. Just ask him. Read His story. It's the Bible. Even from the very first book the ones God chooses are the rejected ones. Like the story of Joseph.

I think the 5% is an understatement-perhaps thats 5% who get professionally diagnosed, I feel as tho the numbers a bit higher with all who go undiagnosed or ignored…

For me it's obvious that small talk is easier than making friends. It doesn't require any commitment, any difficult stuff like opening up, sharing deep thoughts. After those question I'm 98% sure I'm just introvert (even if malls are too loud and chaotic for me).

Does anyone else find that having friends is exhausting? I'm really bad at getting back to people because of this. I leave emails and texts unanswered, especially if the person is draining and/or demanding...

I'm both an introvert & autistic person....just undiagnosed. I was bullied all through public school.....😮‍💨

I used to dread the outside world to such an intense degree in my teens that I would stay in my bedroom for months on end if I could. I would describe the feeling I had in school or any other setting with humans as terror. As soon as I got home I would be immediately anticipating the terror of the next outing that my family and society would call upon me, be it the next school day or a dentist appointment. I am almost 100% sure I do not have autism but I can relate to many of the experiences. I also used marijuana during that time which I believe contributed greater than 50% to my dreadful experience. To be clear I am fully recovered for over a decade now and can handle any situation comfortably. But I really am a very internally regulated person so I enjoy my own company more than that of most people other than people with certain special traits that I especially enjoy.

I was told my whole life I was different- my parents said they found me singing under a rock. It wasn’t a bad thing to anyone so even though I’ve always felt very different than others it didn’t get in the way of me socializing bc I didn’t feel like I had to fit in to be accepted. What gets in the way is 1. Not understanding other people’s intentions/lies 2. Either talking too much or not talking about myself at all as a strategy 3. I truly don’t understand how people talk many a days a week if they’re not in each others environment… that is so confusing and so much energy!! My SO is an introvert but talks to his closest couple friends weekly if not daily!

another helpful insight

It’s one of those “lonely or alone” situation

AuDHD here, formal diagnosis age 56. Was just "a bad person" before that (gaslighting yourself is horrible). Yes to all of this. Have been frequently misjudged, especially when dating, feeling this. Good information here.

Thx for this I've thought about it & spoken to people I wondered if I'm a strongly spectrum autistic person getting to my point I am diagnosed bipolar (manic depressive) & I've been hospitalized so my struggles are more BP this upload has helped me a lot to deal with myself thank you🙏

I was diagnosed with BPD 4 years ago (the "quiet" type) and before that I had a diagnosis of dysthimia or persistent depressive disorder. I am 44 now. I identify with all of the autistic traits in your video...especially the feeling like I didn't belong, like an alien but knowing inherently that I was not thus forcing the "whats wrong with me" question that makes life so depleating sometimes.

This was really helpful to me, as I've wondered if I have autism. Two of my grandkids are diagnosed. But answering your questions pretty much nailed me as an introvert but not autistic. Not that it matters ... at my age, I'd be fine either way. Thank you. 🙂