Network engineer for 30 years. Been married for 17 years (13 years with the girl before we married) so 30 years. Yes, IT people are usually ADHD/Autistic/OCPD etc. God bless the women that tolerate us!! Stay safe Dave and keep up the good videos.
Retired System Architect married for 30 years and still trying to figure out my own brain. My wife’s answer is smile and nod and say “that’s nice dear, do you know what day it is?”
Me too. Also 30 years. Longer if you count writing programs on a TRS-80 as a child or learning SunOS on a Sun3 as a teen. Done everything from SysAdmin, SysAnalyst, SysEngineer, Linux Architect, and now just a lowly R&D Engineer by choice. I wish I could send this video to all of my ex-girlfriends. The longest lasting 15 years. Which I blew up a few years ago because I just needed space and didn't realize I was on the spectrum until I looked back at all of my personal relationships and started realizing something was wrong. I have a superpower to understand machines. But people, not so much. Dave hit the nail on the head with this video. I always try to assign my own feelings to a person's situation, then compute the appropriate reaction. I have good empathy. Sometimes too much. And I often fail at the next steps. Especially because I can't read a person (or the room) very well. Just like this message here, I spend too much time explaining so others can fully understand me, whereas that's probably excessive. Neurotypical people use so many other cues. My point is that for all yinz guys who made a marriage or LTR last long term, high five. I'm starting over at 50 years old. And I'm kinda lost. But at least I know I have ASD now and I can work within those parameters.
Dave, you mentioned being a problem solver and it struck me. Whenever someone comes to me looking for comfort, I go into problem solving mode. It pisses people off and I don't understand at first. This is especially true with the women in my life. They just want someone to talk to and I don't pick up on it.
I was recently at a charity dinner and the speaker had lived a tale of misery. For the first half of it I spent my time thinking "Well, you could see that coming..." and "well, I wouldn't have made THAT choice" and so on. Then I realized that's not the point, and it rarely is. When asked, I like to think I'm a powerful problem solver... but I try to save it for when asked!
Thats a very normal role for men. As stated by others, a simple clarification solves the confusion. At some point the women in your life will realize to preface the conversation with the desired response.
I'm 56, born in 1967, before the time of Autism. It wasn't until around 2005 that I realized I was autistic. My son was diagnosed with Autism after being able to do some incredible things like read at age 2 and write by age 4. But he was quiet and never spoke. My mother said I did these exact same things. As my son aged I saw myself completely in him. Same mannerisms, quirks, hard to make friends, etc.. I always new I was different and school never posed a challenge but oh my goodness other people sure did. Now here's the best part, when I turned 18 I joined the Marine Corps for 6 years! Can you imagine spending 6 years in the Marine Corps with Autism Dave? I look back now into those years and understand so much more of why I did the things I did at a younger age. I have a wife of 27 years, also an angel for putting up with my high strangeness all this time. Misunderstandings ... all the time, LOL.
Truly don't know if there's any autistic traits that may be demonstrable to myself doing an internal inventory now on a sublevel .hope it's nothing to be changed perception wise.hope I find the time to read your book/ viewpoint.
I've heard from numerous people who were diagnosed only after one of their kids was! I've never served (and thanks for your service!), but the Marine Corp sounds like it could be both incredibly tough with autism, but once you were acclimated, you might fit in like Forrest Gump did in the Army! Structure, rules, predictability, accountability... I'm guessing there's more of those things in the service than in regular civilian life!
@@DavesGarage You are most welcome sir. Yes, the structure in the military definitely helped. LOL Gump is the perfect example. Thank you for the content you put out on a regular basis. Always a good day when I get notified that Dave has something new to share.
I never could have made it through Boot Camp, doesn't matter what branch. My mind points out things that it finds WRONG, and would have gone off repeatedly with the "mental conditioning" (I would feel it was abuse.)
I have a brother with autism, and I never had a relationship with him. It created a distance. He's smart, but just different. Videos like this help me understand how he might see the world a little bit better.
It's a two-way street. Seeing the world as you see it isn't necessarily better (thought it might be more "normal"). Ideally he would learn to appreciate the world as you see it, and you would do the same for him. That extends to what his special interest is (who knows... trains? Anime? I bet he has one!). Try to participate in his passion for it, whatever it is, so he can share that with you. Of course some people are just hard to deal with, autism or not! But I'll give him the benefit of the doubt :-)
It may be possible to have a great relationship with him even if you think you don't currently. He may think very different and just not be into talking or communicating. Good luck.
This video made me cry for days. I am still trying to process what I have learned. I have purchased both your books in physical and kindle editions. I feel like I am experiencing a movie ending where everything makes sense now but I'm replaying the last 45 years of my life while going oh... Thank you for sharing this, I heard you many times talk about your book but something about this video changed everything. It finally clicked. I took the online test and got 39, then I took the test with my wife, and I got 42. I didn't believe it and got my wife to take the test and she got 14. This has helped me up to understanding what is going on in my head. It has already been life changing and I don't doubt life is going to be so much better for my loving wife.
I like your analogy of the movie ending and reflecting on my past years. Now... it begins to make sense. If only I could have known as a kid in the 50s & 60s...
I was in my 40's when I finally realized that whereas I lived in a world of problems and possible solutions, most other people lived in a world of people and politics. It took me forever to figure out that my proposed solutions, no matter how good were likely going to fail if I didn't understand and plan for the politics. At that point I pretty much gave up on ever being a manager again and stuck to the technical work. Years later I'd finally get my Autism level 1 diagnosis and suddenly my whole life made a lot more sense.
"... I'd finally get my Autism level 1 diagnosis and suddenly my whole life made a lot more sense." Living in a hell until that day, that's so depressing for any person. :(
I can relate to this. Sometimes the politics and BS of "who makes the call" or "who's idea it was" really grinds my gears. Especially when the solutions are so simple and have obvious pay-back (time, energy and money). An autism diagnosis doesnt make you wrong ;-)
@@jpalmz1978 Being technically right was its own satisfaction, but getting the correct solution implemented has value as well. My late wife was good at solving problems, and very good at low key lobbying to get the right solution implemented. I got to watch her in action for many years but I could never replicate her approach. Thankfully we worked well together and collaborated from time to time which gave me an opportunity to influence how things moved forward organizationally as we worked at the same company though in different areas. Eventually I found a niche where I was given tasks and allowed to find my own path to a solution, or better yet identify and solve problems related to large and complex projects as part of a team. Which was great since my management actually recognized and appreciated me being proactive, so long as I had taken care of my core responsibilities.
That's a very poetic way of viewing things, and so true. Whilst I am well aware of the people and politics aspect, it doesn't make it any easier to understand...
@@daverave999 I understand it in the sense that I know it to be true, but the fact that it is true is something that makes no sense to me. It’s like waking up to find that people have stopped walking on their feet and are instead walking on their hands. If that happened I’d be able to observe the truth of it, even if it seemed nonsensical to me that people were doing so.
My ex-wife once told me I didn’t need to solve all her problems all the time, I just needed to listen to her talk about them. I couldn’t understand why you’d want to to tell someone about a challenge and not want help. Fast forward 15 years to a clinical ASD diagnosis and then it all made sense…
Wow, Dave, this is very informative. I work for a huge technology company and did not even know I was on the spectrum. I did know that when problem-solving, I can take in precise information and conclude much faster than most, and people I work with tell me my theories are “outside the box,” but I don’t see it as such. Other times, when not under pressure, I will take longer than usual but produce elegant solutions. When I first knew, I was a little different. I was in a meeting room with many other VP-level and higher-level people, and we were trying to solve a problem that we were bleeding money rapidly. I told a very high-level person he was stupid and this could be fixed very quickly, and this high-level person, rather than firing me, which he had every right to do, gave me the power to correct the problem, which I did, and we are still great friends today. Some years later, a close ex-military friend, as you discussed, said I had Aspergers. I did not think I did, but my Aunt, a doctor and lawyer, said I most certainly have it, and she does. Nowadays, we like to call it “on the spectrum.” It is nice to know that others with similar traits also have it. What is also interesting is that I see others in the high-tech fields with similar characteristics.
Feynman wrote a bit about how he did things in his own different weird way, but sometimes that could solve problems that others could not. At the same time, there were things he couldn't solve that others could! But together, they had all the tools in the toolbox to solve nearly anything.
@@DavesGarage There is a lot of truth in that statement. There was a time when I could directly manipulate an active HD partition by hand, changing HEX values from memory, but I did not know the order the months of the year were in without looking them up.
Was doing this for years before i too realized why. Problem solving or working through many scenarios with the given data to come up with the solution about 1-2 hours before other get there with more data is definitely one of the signs.
Toxic to call someone "stupid" in a work setting. Unacceptable really even during a prod down. I'm in software engineering and I've worked with weird guys like you. Being able to solve problems at work doesn't give you the right to talk down to anyone. "Aspergers" isn't an excuse for being a garbage human being. I would have went to HR over you and had you fired or seriously reprimanded. People like you are never as smart as you think. Usually some flavor of autism, hyper-focus, and only knowing the details of specific topics to an excessive degree.
Dave - i work with autistic kids and i dont know how to properly explain how much i appreciate your viewpoints of autism. Many times it's like your speaking directly to a situation that has happened to me with my students. Even when your explaining something i know such as being goal oriented, it's easy to forget and need a reminder.
I bought your book and have learned so much about myself and the way I think and process the world around me. as a 45 year old autistic the first few chapters legitimately made me cry as I now know I am no longer alone in the way I "am" thank you Dave! My wife now better understands how to interact and gets me way more than she ever did. I feel seen by her.
I am a bit envious of your having been able to share this information with her. I brought it up sort of slowly on a few different occasions and by the third time, I got the same reaction as if I were talking politics which he hates. So I haven't done it since. It's too personal a thing to share with someone who doesn't seem to give a shit one way or the other. Politics I will talk about though because if I didn't bring certain things up from time to time, when shit hits the fan, He will not be blindsided, but again, that give-a-shit factor plays in there as well. I don't know if I'm missing something, picking up on something or projecting something into it, but i know what disinterested looks like on him specifically after 23 years together. At least I'd like to think I do by now. This is all very frustrating going through this alone. Good on you guys linking that previous misconnection.
@@NopeOnARope_ If your significant other does not care about you, then that is a problem beyond autism. I can understand a person not wanting to talk about politics, or some other topic that does not involve you, but if a romantic partner does not want to discuss you, then I am not sure that is a relationship worth having. Just in case you are having a misunderstanding, I would suggest relationship therapy. You may want to ask the therapist if he/she has training or experience in dealing with people who have autism.
@@NopeOnARope_ There's no shame in being wired different, so don't let his view make you feel any. Some people are really averse to "labels" and so on, but I don't really understand the pushback.
As a late-diagnosed person on the autism spectrum in my late 40s this speaks so hard to me, especially around @6:25. I've done that so many times without understanding that people weren't looking for a solution my broke brain could offer, but looking for empathy and support I wasn't able to give.
This feels like every social interaction I've ever had. I get this wrong _CONSTANTLY_ and you'd think after 52 years I'd have learned. But I still have to consciously interrupt myself and stop trying to offer solutions, and that always leaves me in distress because here I am with someone who is clearly suffering from what they're telling me about, and it's often something with a straightforward (though not always simple or easy) solution, but I'm not able to do anything to help or correct the source of the problem for them, so I stand there looking like a robot with my flat affect while being mired in extreme distress spinning my wheels in vain trying to work out what the least inappropriate thing to do is, and doing one of the most inappropriate things as a result (nothing at all, not even reflecting the feelings they're expressing to me). UGH!!!
I don't have autism (I think, however I am on the bipolar spectrum). I've had to train myself to not try and solve a bad day my wife is having. She usually doesn't want a solution to fix everything, but just emotional support from me. I catch myself trying to fix everything all the time, which is why I've always gravitated to IT and engineering. @noexanthus mentioned being able to troubleshoot things extremely well in ways different from other people. I've also done that in my career and was usually always relied on to fix complex issues because I visualize everything at once from multiple angles forwards and backwards with multiple layers simultaneously. Looking at the problem being just one small component of that big picture often allows me to isolate the problem faster because I'm looking in how something works and not just focusing on the problem. I've found it hard to describe my thinking process to people when troubleshooting and I don't think it's something that can be taught. I've actually struggled trying to diagram things because I don't know how to translate my understanding of something into a two-dimensional diagram. Anyway, all interesting stuff.
@@float32Don’t be too harsh on yourself. Haven’t had people who like to discuss their problems with you in order to structure the issues and to find solutions? Every downside has its upsides too. 👊
Dave, I think of you as that guy years ago on tv beer commercial. THE MOST INTERESTING MAN IN THE WORLD! No matter what you talk about, you always have my attention. Have a great day!
I think I stole that from a Friends episode, where Chandler walks in, sees Three's Company on TV, and says "Oh, is this the one with the misunderstanding?"
Dave, I've been speaking about this in my channel for many years now. Made near 400 videos and still till today often I get the negative comments saying I'm not autistic and I don't know what I'm saying. And what I talk about is wrong and incorrect. Etc. All without knowing me and all based on a judgement on a video. Initially it would hurt but today If people attack me I just hide them and keep moving. It's a pain when you speak to help and speak to give knowledge and food for thought for people to think about and process and they skip it because they believe you're making it all up. And calling me a liar. Me personally I just keep going because the negative comments are very small amount. It's because of you I started my channel and it's why I've grown it to over 1270 subscribers. I have a positive community and I continue to welcome new people discovering my content. You are an inspiration sir! And you speak way better than I can. Thank you for bringing this to a larger audience! Hopefully one day I'll be able to join the ranks of those like you! 👍 Like you I'm in the tech industry and like you I suffer many similar issues. I'm not married and can't even manage to get a relationship due to my struggle but never the less I still relate! Been a subscriber for many years now. And thank you for your great work!
Thanks! By now it cracks me up that a very few people feel they can diagnose autism (or not) by looking at me in a RU-vid video. We're not all Rainman!
@@DavesGarage Exactly! The way I explain it is that Autism isn't a box and we aren't all the same. It's why it's know as a spectrum with different levels. According to some things I've read out there from medical experts. Seems to fit along with my own experiences and what I've heard and seen from other autistics out there! There isn't a single look or way of being that specific and particular to autism alone. And it's the message I try to put out there in hopes it helps people understand. Even though I'm not as well spoken as you are I'm still practicing to improve. Thank you so much for the response it's a real treat! Wasn't expecting it. 😊 wishing you and your family a great weekend ahead!
I’m left handed and misunderstood most of my life.especially my academic family. Thank you for sharing your story and different and unique way of thinking.
Can relate. Diagnosed at 48. Two years ago. I usually explain to others that's it like being color blind, but instead of seight it's about social interactions.
Hi Dave! Sorry about tour wife’s loss. It’s hard no matter how old you are when you lose your parents. I struggle with the same things you do, to a greater or lesser extent and I’m considered “normal”. We are all different and are good at different things , but one thing I know after 50+ years is that nothing is black or white, it’s all different shades of grey. I enjoy your channel very much and thanks for sharing your knowledge and experience.
well Dave, for someone with Autism, you really did great! you had a successful career at Microsoft, and own your own home and have a family I guess what I'm trying to say in a nutshell is that your awesome and we're proud of your overcoming your disability, and like you just as you are! I myself have Dysthymia which is an emotional disorder with deep depression and anxiety. I also have CPTSD from childhood abuse. which limits what I can do but I can live by myself, and take care of the house and yard, and love tinkering with electronics projects and computers as a hobby. and I really Enjoy your videos.😀👍
Retired programmer here. Didn't realize that I'm autistic until about 5 years ago. I was diagnosed with ADD back in the late 80s and now know that the two frequently go together. Then, throw in alexithymia and social phobia and I begin (finally) to understand why my life has been such a tortuous, circuitous Gordian knot. At 70, I've learned that I don't know it all and your videos on autism have been immensely helpful to me, especially since you and I have had similar careers. Keep up the great work!
I am a civilian who started laughing when Dave described how a couple in love get to the stage of communicating by eye movements. It is so true. But I wonder if we will reach the stage where we don't class anyone as Neurotypical. That is a long running question we discussed over coffee breaks in the lab.
Thanks for being open with this stuff Dave. We have some similarity in our backgrounds. I’m an old software engineer, been married 34 years now with 2 kids and 2 cats. AuDHDer with Aphantasia/SDAM. I have to say that for me, hyperfocus and intense sensory experiences are about the only things from autism that I count on the positive side. Well, I should have probably added incredible pattern recognition…that is pretty cool I must admit.
The pattern recognition is literally the only way I can function in neurotypical society and hold down a good job and support myself. I try my hardest to teach my colleagues everything I do and how I do it, but it goes *_DEEP_* and it's just impossible to get there. I just always hope that at least some of what I teach them will benefit them in some way somewhere down the road - the more, the better. But I struggle and have a very hard time getting by in this world and there are a lot of things I know I should do but just can't, and so I get by a lot with just skipping them and/or hoping they don't bite me later, knowing that some of them will. So far I've been lucky, and the things I can do that nobody else can are what make keeping me around a good value proposition so I still get to do things that I'm very good at as much as possible and keep myself alive in the process. I'm so grateful for that! I would be screwed without that pattern recognition.
I can relate. Hyperfocus, pattern recognition and attention to tiny details are great. But I can definitely live without the sensory overload. For many areas. But especially in modern office buildings with harsh LED lights and cubicle walls made of thin curtains or open spaces. Working from home since the pandemic has been a boon for me. Unfortunately it feels like that tide is changing again and I'm not sure I can go back to the noisy, overly bright, smelly, overly dry/humid, uncomfortable office again.
Not sure if you remember me, but I worked on the Windows team from 92 to 2011. I really enjoy your videos and it gives me insight into my own mind. I remember when I started at Microsoft I would ask people in meetings "are you all stupid?" because they couldn't see simple cause-efdect. My manager told me that while I was right, I couldn't say that. Over the years I worked on it, but I always had to remind myself that others can't see what I see easily.
Great video. I was diagnosed (Don't feel comfortable with that word) as autistic when I was 40 years old, It was quite the revelation. I share your need to recall when and where I learned something though many things slip through the cracks. I also feel the need to fix any problem presented to me. My Mrs will sometimes preface with "I don't need youto fix this". I still sometimes annoy her with my suggestions. It's why I became a mechanic and software engineer, It is also why I do a lot of DIY. I also find it hard to understand what people might feel unless I have been in the same situation, I hadn't realised about the time passed changing things until your video, So thanks for that. I do however think that it still gives a wrong impression as you can't imagine how they are processing it, Only how you yourself did. My Mrs sometimes snaps me into shape if my thinking goes awry or when I get stressed by noise/smells/movement etc. She has been great. Thank you.
Dave, Thank you for teaching me again about something I have no way of knowing. You do this in pretty every subject you present. You are an amazing person and I am grateful that you are willing to share your brilliant mind with us.
Again, you're describing how I feel 99% of the time in ways I could never dream of explaining to others! I can think of a few people close to me that should see this
Not autistic, but a true programmer, analyzing everything around You ... This is what i do on my everyday life as well ... Not married for 30 years, but 15 soon, so i do understand what you are going through ... :)
People with and without autism are like cats and dogs, similar enough to get interested into each other, different enough to misunderstand each other. Nice content btw :)
Good to have an understanding. The sheer intention to be empathic and figuring out you're authentic code to be so deserves a compliment. I have that friend in the military. I have a hard time not trying to make the whole world happy because of extreme empathic ... missing a filter there combined with creativity. I extremely like projects with autistic colleagues because they keep me focussed. And then figuring out the joke that floors everybody. And being razor sharp together hitting the targets and have a good living. Thanks Dave!
Big T truth is underrated. It's important to understand where another person's mind is, but you can distill everything down to the point where there is an objective reality. Understanding that reality is fundamentally important to making things happen.
Dave, thanks for posting this. I didn't know what autism/ Aspberger's are until my oldest was diagnosed. Then I was like, oh, that's me! This was towards the end of my AF career, and I was a squadron commander at the time. I went to talk to mental health about it, and the doc said, "No way." People with Aspberger's and ADHD like you describe don't become squadron commanders. They usually can't hold down a job and struggle with substance abuse. I told her to humor me and give me the test. It came back a week later, and she was floored. I was off the chart for both. Then she said something that stuck with me, and I'm sure it applies to you and many others like this. The test also included an IQ assessment. It was also very high. Not Einstein or anything, but high enough. She said I must leverage that to compensate for the other deficits. Bingo. The social issues always trip me up. Inside, I feel very humble and often insecure. But the mind blindness makes it very hard to understand other people's perspective and comes off as arrogance. That couldn't be further from the truth, but the perception matters more than the reality. My big ah ha moment came in high school. It's when I realized that I was likely at fault for all the social issues I had. If I met me, I realized I probably wouldn't like me either. I wasn't mean, or selfish, and I wasn't intentionally rude. But I slowly realized I was blindly, self-centered and came across a rude. That's when I became an observer of others and even more importantly of myself. I realized that the social graces that came more naturally to most people were something that I'd have to learn intentionally. I'm still a C- student in these areas, but my friends and family know who I am inside, and that helps. The other big plus was that I understood what my son was going through and really helped him avoid the big pitfalls. I'm glad you've been so successful. Love your show and share many of the same interests and hobbies. Talking about this openly will help so many more folks.
That's the "curse" of having a high IQ... I think you can "fake it" so well by stick and rudder that your lack of autopilot gets missed. Or something like that 🙂 I think people on the spectrum can be spectacular surgeons and EMTs and pilots. They live in the moment, they can hyperfocus on one core goal to the exclusion of other distractions, and they can ignore the emotional impact until later (when it inevitably catches up with them).
That last piece from 7:00 on struck home. I'm 65 years old and only just got a bit of confirmation that I have a NeuroDivergent brain. But yes I was so often that "Well actually.."person. However it came about, it seems that I learned early not to do that, but it never stopped me from thinking it. And I still don't understand why other people can't see that my way is the right way.
I found it very difficult to be able to understand what someone else was thinking, but recently I've really tried my best to understand how that person thinks, and almost emulate that style of thinking in my own head, and imagine the same situation they're in, and go from there. I feel like it's definitely helped me a lot more in understanding and compassion.
Congratulations on thirty years of marriage. I’m also an IT professional with unusual thinking, dyslexic, and left handed. In a few days we will celebrate 🎉 46th anniversary. Married six months out of college and working for Chrysler as a COBOL programmer.
Thanks and great job. I'm glad we have a diverse range of people in the world and that we all think differently providing different ideas and different solutions.
"Mind blindness" is not unique to those on the spectrum. We can only observe behavior but we can't know the thought processes behind it, even if we "know we can". If you want to know what someone is thinking, ask them, but don't get upset if they're unwilling or unable to answer to your satisfaction.
@@sncy5303 I don't think that's what Dahlia695 meant. The problem I have with almost all of the high-functioning ASD descriptions of their problems, is that they seem to think neurotypical people don't experience similar things, because they do. It's just that they have more information in order to make better guesses; but they are still guesses, if highly accurate guesses. Also, ASD people seem to have a naive view of others motives. Neurotypical people are far more selfish when it comes to the views of others. They have a good handle on them, but don't really care, and would prefer to be surrounded by like-minded people, the same as those with ASD.
I remember sitting in a training session on different personality types and how to interact with them, explaining to someone who scored 10/10 on the extrovert scale what it is like to be 1/10 and why i really don't want to join in ....anything. Massive light bulb moment for them.
Very true. All our perceptions are best guess anyway, especially social ones. It is just sometimes autism would make it more difficult to join these types of dots
The kind of mind required to be a successful software architect is certainly atypical. Our ability to work with expressionless machines is not unlike a blind person that sees with sound. An inability to detect social ques is the only way a person could work, for hours without frustration, on a soulless machine. Reasoning over provably true facts is easier for us than interpreting ambiguous ques. As engineers we understand logs, trace, IO, state changes, etc. By working in this environment, our adaptation is both well utilized and forever unchanged. Married now 31 years to a living angel. I can say this video has the potential to help many couples, so thank you Dave.
My husband and I have been together for 40 years. I just found out 2 years ago that I have autism and my husband does not, although we both have ADHD. We both struggle with executive function, big time, and work at cutting each other slack because of that. We both know we are built different, just in different and complementary ways to each other. I have been an angel/hero to his issues, and he has been an angel/hero to mine. Of course, it has taken most of our 40 years together to figure out how we fit together and celebrate that we do, lol. "Back to Back, Broadswords Drawn" is our marriage/family motto.
Got your book, still working up my courage to crack it open as I'm afraid what I might discover about myself. But I can absolutely relate to the comfortable familiarity of a long-term relationship where we no longer complete each other's sentences, now sometimes we start each other's sentences.
Just happened upon your channel earlier today, on my quest to learn programming and computer science. Diagnosed AuDHD 5 years ago, in my mid 30s ... Your "1. Frustration, and 2. Misunderstandings" at 0:45 are right on, and great words to encapsulate my experience, too
I’ve been subscribed to your channel for several months now and this is the best video yet. I originally came for the tech content but stayed for the autism content. Self awareness really helps when dealing with our “quirks” and the challenges we face when interacting with others. I think this video is a must watch for anyone on the spectrum, or has a suspicion they are on the spectrum, as well as their family or friends.
When I was admiring and I was so impressed with my first encounter with computers and especially windows, in the time of Windows 95, that I had my first PC, I could never imagine that one day I would listen to the people who created this beautiful system live talking about how it's been created! Thank you very much for talking about autism too! I am autistic too! Thank you David!
I'm an autistic guy in his early 40s and I have found myself mentoring many other autistic and ASD individuals younger than me and have had to explain many of the same things you've just eloquently put together in this video...the many lessons I myself have had to learn in my lifetime, some of which I still struggle to master (I'll "but actually" until my dying day 🤣). Thank you for this. I will definitely be sharing this video with others, including neurotypicals who seek a better understanding of how our minds differ.
~6:25 about viewing each problem as hunting for a solution is definitely A Thing, for sure. I run into that a lot, and continue trying to practice that compassion/support different ways, to increase my "EQ" as they say
I was diagnosed earlier this year. Thankfully, I read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" as a kid. The whole thesis is basically that men try to solve problems and women want to vent and feel supported. I tagged that info in my metadata.
Please update the tag for each individual. If someone assumed I wanted to hear useless fluff instead of helpful solutions I wouldn't want to interact with them. Sincerely, one of like 4 billion individual women.
3:03 "I wind up knowing more about how I would feel in your circumstances rather than fully understanding how you actually did in the first place." Well boy howdy, didn't you just nail my head with that one! 😂 I'd love to hear more about how you handled becoming and being a parent with autism, since that's a big issue for me right now.
I've got a couple of chapters in my first book I recommend! Long story short, remember kids are kids. If a kid does something that annoys you that you'd overlook if a puppy did it, you're likely projecting your own intellect into the kid and holding it responsible for not being as smart as you! At least until your kid is smarter than a puppy, I suppose :-)
Thanks Dave. I think there is so many levels and different kinds of this. I don't what it's called (or related) - but I often speak out in self confidence - and then people get's shut down / silenced. I've learned this later years and try to be more open and let people speak/think before I say things.
I struggle with "illogical emotions" a lot. If I determine someones emotions to be irrational or illogical its impossible for me to empathize, sort of in a "you shouldn't be mad" or "you shouldn't be anxious" way because despite being able to walk myself through the situation and experience it in my head, i wont land on a position where strong emotion makes sense. Its difficult to understand that many people can have illogical emotions when i see emotions as logical physiological survival responses to negative stimuli. For example its very easy for me to empathize with people who I believe to have a very reasonable emotional reaction, such as losing a family member or getting a bad diagnosis, or being betrayed by a loved one.
I believe myself to be neurotypical (neurotypical enough at least). And yet I find myself understanding some of these traits you've described. I find it interesting that, while there is so much that separates the classical autistic person from the classical "neurotypical" person, there isn't such a stark contrast in the real world - hence it's a spectrum, and I think that's a beautiful thing, and that we should spend more time sharing our similarities rather than defining our differences.
