Autistic Masking & Unmasking 

I’ve always felt so insecure about my “boring” personality because I wasn’t fun and bubbly like the people around me. I’ve always been quiet and reserved, usually because my brain is busy taking in all the information in my environment! It’s only been very recently and since my autism diagnosis that I’ve realised I don’t need to be the fun and energetic person, my traits of being quiet, introspective and empathetic are equally as valuable and my friends are often appreciative of my genuine interest in their lives and ability to listen empathetically to them :)

I have VERY vivid memories of trying to imitate the "popular" girls when I was in elementary school. Learned all of my social skills thru mimickry, I'm almost 30 and still struggling to figure out which parts are me, and which parts were just imitating others to blend in.

I have also been masking since 3. In my mid-twenties now. I remember consciously thinking “I’m going to stop living based on what I want, and start living to please my family.” This has lead to burnout and mental health issues. This was so healing to hear!

The motto I had when I was growing up was, "It's okay if I suffer, as long as my family and friends don't." I thought it was the perfect solution for everything. Now, as I discover my autistic self, I realize how draining that was over the years. My mental health is basically...sh*t! Thank you for posting these videos. It's nice to hear other people have the same experience. P.s. I've often wonder why I like your newer videos than your old videos (I found your channel recently and have been binging). I think it's because you are more Ella as you continue to unmask.

Masking has been a big issue with my 9 year old daughter she masks terrible in school, very shy and quite but she bottles everything up and explodes when she comes home which has made getting support for her hard. I even noticed she masks around her brother and sister and tries to make them think she likes all the stuff they do in order to fit in. The only time she's unmasked and comfortable is when it's just me and her

I've had a lot of success masking, but it leaves me extremely unfulfilled emotionally and socially. I was diagnosed a month ago after strongly suspecting I had autism for a few years and no one, myself included, knows the "real me". I feel like there's nowhere I can truly escape to and I'm left exhausted and unsure how to help myself when I'm overwhelmed. Videos like this have been fantastic though and shown me from the perspective of another autistic person steps I can take to find ways to unwind from this performance and relax for the first time in a very very long time. It feels so relieving to tell my family, friends or my boyfriend how I feel accurately and to have them understand me a little better and be able to support me as I learn how to live happily while autistic. Thanks Ella :)

This is so relatable for me and I hear many ASD folk! I used to think this was normal. Even though my bff's would tell me they don't do that when I'd open up about taking on traits of certain characters. I didn't believe them because my family had several gaslighting champs that would lie whenever embarrassed. So I thought ppl all did this but just were too embarrassed to admit it. Lol 🤣 I love the self acceptance of the genuine self! I don't think it's wrong to not show al of yourself when doing something like RU-vid videos. But there's a difference between having an appropriate and polite social behavior and completely masking. For me this was confusing because I thought they were the same. When I was tired of masking as a teen I just was honest about not getting the point of polite things that have no obvious lasting benefit to anyone. Saying "thank you" when someone compliments your shoes felt silly...they didn't give me my shoes, their opinion isn't going to change my day....and I didn't think it should change theirs if I say the same. But learning the balance is a perpetual experience. 😄

listening to this is so helpful, I can feel my body relaxing slightly (I am alone at home). I think I will have to learn to unmask on my own first, before trying it anywhere else. Like you say, it is a journey, and I wish us all self compassion while we find our way. Thanks Ella!

Im late diagnosed with autism and ADD, a bit like you. I got my diagnose about 6 years ago. Im 48 years old now. And its only in the recent year i really started taking my neurodivergent challenges serious. After a lifetime of struggling with loneliness, depression, rejection... But god damn, its a long rough journey. Im thankfull for where I am right now, and so thankfull for wonderfull persons like you sharing and helping like you do. I watched a lot if your videos, and everything you say just resonates with me. Thank you so, so much.

When it comes to unmasking, I feel like I'm unable to because I don't feel safe unmasking any place that isn't home. If I do unmask anywhere else, it's unintentional and probably due to being unable to cope in a situation. I hope to one day be able to unmask and be my authentic self, but since I spent so long masking as a late-diagnosed person that I'm unsure if I can unmask.

I relate so much to this especially about not being the you your husband signed up to , I’ve been married for 27 years but I’m right at the start of my autism journey and I’m really scared of what unmasking may do to my marriage although bits of me keep leaking out as my mask is broken, but I’m clinging on to it as like another commenter said I don’t feel safe anywhere to take it of. Also if I take it off I really have no idea who me is although I’m fairly certain she likes penguins , books and hiding under blankets. Please don’t change how and what you do ..sure there are a ton of people speaking on autism now but so many are men, or in the USA or much younger than me so as an over 40 female in the UK I really really appreciate your content and find the fact you share so honestly really helpful.

I'm in burn out now. I'm in my mid twenties and and it FING SUCCCKKS. I did all the things you did. I can't mask well now and feel like a complete weirdo, even more so when I didn't fit it in school. But at least now I know what's going on. I'm slowly learning to be myself.

I only just discovered I'm autistic a year ago at age 31, and everything you shared in this video makes me feel better about the unmasking journey, which I've only just begun. I relate so much to some of your thoughts and experiences--when you mentioned letting yourself just be and act on instinct rather than "putting on a smile and trying to be likeable and interesting and fun all the time" I really felt that one deeply!

Gosh how i relate, thank you so much. I am awaiting my referral at 33 & ive done many tests at home. After a life of trauma and masking... i finally have the answer that ive longed for. Ive been unconsciously un-masking after quitting alcohol, thinking it was about just trauma and healing. I didn't even consider.. that maybe I'd masked Autism so successfully that id even fooled myself. Until the burn-out. These past few days have been the awakening I needed. I also never knew how much my hormones could push me over the edge if Im not mindful.. much to digest. Thank you Ella, what a wonderful channel

Another of your videos that rings true for me! I'm in the (very slow) process of unmasking, and a lot of the time I am asking myself "who am I, actually?" I went through almost 60 years of life before starting to reach the conclusion that I'm autistic and ADHD. 60 years-worth of masking layers, imagine it! 6 years later and it is still very much a work in progress. I have to unmask to myself before I can unmask in the world. It's like peeling a boiled egg when the shell is firmly stuck to the egg 🙄

I just turned 37 and and only recently discovering I'm most likely on the spectrum. I've been observing how I feel and act closely and seeing little things I've been doing that are stims and how I've been masking those stims. It's been really revealing. I don't beat myself up anymore for actually needing almost daily naps. My anxiety and irritability is more easily managed now I know what I'm looking for and what triggers it. Ella, you've been a big part of me discovering these things with your videos along with a couple of others y'all are the first resource I've used to discover more about how to avoid burnout and meltdowns. I'm so grateful for this RU-vid community.

I love the idea of a personal 'Ella' journal! It can be so overwhelming to realize just how much of yourself you've changed to appease others, like peeling an onion and finding layer after layer of masking. After a while, it gets so meta that I second guess every single thing I've ever liked and done haha! Who even am I?!? This is a good way to find your 'True North' as a person and keep it all straight in your head

I'm not sure exactly for how much of my life I was masking, but I noticed that in the past year, after getting to know more people on the spectrum, understanding better what being on the spectrum actually means, and becoming at peace with the fact that I'm on the spectrum (a fact I was trying to run away from before), I started to mask significantly less. I don't force myself to look at people in the eye, I let myself position myself weirdly in the room, I don't try not to stim, I no longer force myself to be more engaged in a conversation than I actually am, I don't try to say socially expected things to people if I'm not comfortable, etc.

Soo.. does saying ' I'm okay/fine/alright' when I'm not fully but I'm still 'okay' in the fact that I'm alive and grateful count as masking?

Gosh. That second adolescence thing is so true. After having discovered that I am an autistic ADHD limerent bipolar schizophrenic and everything else in between, I am now on the process if undoing and repairing everything that went wrong for me growing up from 12-31 years old. I am 32 now and on the process of finding my authentic, traumatized teen self and loving him harder and stronger than anyone in my life (myself included) ever did. Peace to all who are in this plight. ❤️

I don't know how to unmask. I'm going through identity crisis. I feel hard to be or fit in myself. Its very shameful and irritating.

I'm a 59 yrs old autistic, not diagnosed .Few people love me , many hate me, I'm fine with that, just keep being sincere to others and specially to yourself. And if you really fell the need for companionship get a pet. I have five cats myself.

I think I experience masking in a way where i’ve done it for so long that i’m unsure of what is masking for me and what isn’t. It’s really difficult for me as i’m unfortunately a natural people pleaser and have mirrored personalities since i could talk, so i’ve constantly been changing for others and it’s left me with this dilemma of what is masking for me. I also don’t really feel comfortable with stimming around people except a few, none of them being my family unfortunately. I hope everyone who’s struggling with masking figures out how to find a balance though!

I'm in my fifties now and masking is just fucking exhausting.

I mask a lot but the feeling builds up over time and eventually I have to let it out and unmask because it’s tiring and I have to concentrate quite a lot. Sometimes I can’t mask at all and I will struggle to blend in

Unmasking is such a privilege that unfortunately not everyone has. In a perfect or even a more decent world everyone would be able to unmask, no problem.

You're the best Purple! We all struggle with comparing ourselves to others, but few are brave enough to say it out loud. Keep being your warm and authentic self my friend. Cheers! 😊

You are so well-spoken, and the compassion toward yourself in this journey shines through. It is obvious that your self acceptance is already blossoming, because this video was so honest and authentic. Thank you for sharing your experience and inspiring others who feel the same.

FWIW, this is my favourite neurodivergent channel! I like that it’s not ‘fluffy’ and how honest you are about the struggles we can have. Thank you 😊 I’m not sure if I mask or if it’s so ingrained in me that I’m unsure how to un-mask? (Diagnosed at 40 with ADHD last year and currently awaiting NHS ASD assessment, although I’m 100% positive I have ASD)

I recently found out that I am autistic and Im noticing now how much I used to mask even if I thought that I didn’t. Thank you for the video❤

Purple Ella being one colour, a different shade of Purple :) xxx

A person is not a brand and people change OOSHHHHH

Thank you so much for this video, Ella! I relate to all of this, deeply and intensely. I’m thrilled to know I am not the only one on this journey of true and authentic self-discovery! Hearing you speak on this was both comforting and inspiring! I have my own documents to discover myself, and I called it the Green Ember Project. Anything that fans that tiny tiny spark of hope and self love in my heart and reminds me of ME must be followed! 🥰 sending all my love and appreciation! Thank you again 💕

Is that the reason why im so exhausted sometimes 😴

For me it was so exhausting trying to actually enjoy spending time with people that I quit in 9th grade. I tried pretty hard in middle school but nothing stuck and inevitably people steered clear of me. Hanging out was anxiety inducing because it felt like there was so much friction / difficulty actually enjoying it and I started watching the clock to see when it was going to be over. I never got through this and still feel this way with most people except my other highly ND friends that I hang out with sometimes. Worst of all is the mask I feel the need to wear around my family, because if I dont wear it I'll seem bored and offend people when its really not the case. But they are much more NT than I am so it's hard to get that across.

Hi, I've just discovered your canal and I am delighted by the simplicity of your films: no background music, no sudden "fireworks" and you are talking in a such constructive way. Thanks a lot, now I'm going to dive in ;) greetings from Poland

Thank you for your videos, Ella. They have been some of the most helpful I have encountered so far. Knowing I am not alone on my journey to finding out who I even am gives me courage. Digging up everything one has learned not to be is very hard, but we owe it to ourselves and the people who need and love us exactly as we are. I wish everyone going through it as well all the best.

Love this & all your videos I’ve seen so far. I’ve recently come to find out I am autistic and ADHD and hypermobility etc. and your videos have been extremely helpful. I’ve been sharing them with my partner and family and it’s been helping us understand each other much better. Thank you for being so real and for sharing about yourself, it is more valuable than you know, I am sure!

Thank you for your honesty. I’ve been deep masking all my life until I burned out and the wheels fell off and it led to my autistic and ADHD diagnosis. My attempts unmasking has both been helpful and a bit naïve too. I felt telling people was enough, but of course it’s not. People know so little if anything about autism and don’t really care either. Others belittled my problems, as you said, like they understood because they too had difficulties with fitting in, or anxiety, or forgetting things, except as you know with our conditions, anything they had like that isn’t remotely like, or as severe as, what we have to deal with. The trouble was as a result they would not really engage with my issues, because they ‘understood’, because ‘they get the same things’ and’ isn’t everyone a bit autistic?’ they them downplay what I was struggling with and probably thought I was overplaying it and unable to cope. I also struggled with unmasking coz raw from my diagnosis, I didn’t exactly make it easy for others to empathise at times. I was all over the place. One other gay post autistic person on a post diagnosis course I did, said it was like coming out and how you over do it at first, and I thought that was a good analogy. Anyways over sharing and rambling, but thanks again. Great video.

youtube likes to suppress videos with less quality recording equipment. if you're bothered by your follower count, i wouldn't be surprised if updating your recording equipment would make a big difference

Are we defined as ‘masking’ our true selves by psychologists who wanted to use a gentler word than say ‘imposter’ or ‘hiding’? And whilst concealing your true self is emotionally taxing is it less taxing in the moment than having people reject you outright? I think we just be who we are, masked or unmasked and not give it too much thought as a ‘wrong’ behaviour because some psychologist was…completely fooled. Lol

I remember when I started college (over 25 years ago now!) feeling very free because no one knew who I was. I felt like, for the first time, I could be more of who I wanted to be And not be forced to behave how others wanted/expected me to. In many ways it was very liberating, though I see now how much I was still masking. A few months ago my oldest son moved out and started his own college career. He is struggling, and a few weeks in, his school therapist called and said ‘your son exhibits a lot of behaviors consistent with autism’. Interestingly, his period of self discovery became another one for me as I came to realize that he wasn’t the only one in our family! Lately, I’ve been experimenting with stimming. I’ve had to take on additional part-time work, which has been bery overwhelming, but I found that when I was alone, I could stim, and it felt good. But I still don’t feel like I could do it in public, or sometimes even around my wife. We are constantly forced to choose between being ourselves or offending those around is and suffering negative consequences. So many behaviors that are natural and normal to me are problematic at work. I am lucky to have a lot of privacy and flexibility at my day job, and some neurodivergent friends who are accepting. But it is still nice to watch these videos and read people’s posts and feel the kinship and acceptance of the autistic community! Thanks to all of you for being you and sharing it with me.

Purple Ella, one of the things that keeps me coming back to your channel is your authenticity! Thank you. This video feels really validating of my own unmasking journey, which shares a lot of similarities with your own, but has some interesting curve-balls as well (especially, beginning to unmask during the emerging-from-lockdown phase of the pandemic). I am very grateful for the autastic (sp is correct) community here on YT, and for me your channel is a big part of that.

Thank you Ella! I'm learning a lot here .. I'm self diagnosed for a couple of months now...and finally understand why I never wanted to work full time, never wanted to keep a job for long, was always hiding in books , studying and doing courses .. I only wish I could talk about it so elaborately! Still loads to learn.. ❤️

Ella, I find your videos insightful and helpful. My thoughts? I am doing my best to embrace the idea that my success isn't reflected on the number of people who can accept me for who I am or who I am becoming...It isn't negated by those who choose to see the me only as the person I was yesterday or last week or a decade ago....Ultimately, my success is in my knowing I am healing, progressing, becoming the best, most genuine me I can be...discarding unhealthy behavior patterns...facing & accepting past trauma as part of the past and learning how to move forward in a way that benefits me and those I love. In doing this, I know that the people I need in my life and/or who need me in their life will be where we need to be in order to move forward together. Best wishes to you and your family.

The bit about feeling as if you need to be the same person you were at the start of this channel really got to me. I like following channels like this partly for the information shared but it's also great to see someone evolve over time too. Change is natural and to me is to expected from anyone exploring their own neurodivergence. I'm quite happy that my views as a person change over time as I continue to learn, I tend to see myself as a different person as time goes on due to the experiences and knowledge that I gain. I don't think there is anything wrong with acknowledging this, especially as someone with a public persona like this as you can frame it in a really good light in terms of what you have tried/thought in the past and how it is relevant to you today.

"Living as my authentic autistic life happily after" .... damn you've just dashed my dream🤣. Yes masking trauma too. I need to rewatch this a few times i think. 🤔 and life decisions ..... thinking about early retirement because i really struggle to work ... i know in my gut i can be in a better space, but whether i should is another thing. I love your Ella documents idea.... i feel i need a template for such a thing. Mhave you considered that - perhaps part of your i come stream?

thank you Ella!! As a small online creator this is very validating. Sometimes I feel like I need to be like the more successful ones in order to be seen and accepted. But I remember that I just need to Be myself. It's way easier and freeing. I matter just the way I am. Being true to myself attracts people who are true to themselves too, and I want them as my friends 💞 authenticity is the best

You seem to be in my head... Speaking everything I am experiencing. It is so reassuring to find a kindred spirit who makes me feel 'normal'... P. S. Also suffer with ADHD so kept getting distracted by your shiny face... (not a criticism 🤣)

Wow, Ella, thank you! This is so good. I had to watch it three times, back to back, just to let it sink in. I'm realizing I'm really struggling with masking and have that 'who the hell even am I?!' feeling. It's like my mask is super glued on and I don't know what it is to take it off, or what I'm supposed to do or say or like or feel when/if I am able to let it go. Ugh. And I'm exhausted ALL THE TIME. I'm realizing now, at 42, that that is probably why. I love your honestly and your willingness to share. I laughed at your anecdote about applying the Sheldon template - not AT you... WITH you. I totally did that too. I also realized I was probably autistic in 2016, but I was never able to get a formal diagnosis so I'm self-diagnosed. There is a TON of imposter syndrome going on, and even though I know self-diagnosis is totally valid on an intellectual level, I struggle with internalizing that too. And I'm sure masking and imposter syndrome get mixed up together and make things harder when trying to untangle it all. This is why I'm so grateful to people like you who share their own personal journeys online. Even if our journeys aren't identical or, in some ways, are completely different, it's so comforting to know that I'm not alone in going through it all. You also come across as very insightful and that you're sharing things as you learn or think about them so I find that more valuable than the other channels you brought up that may have more views or subscribers. I think when a certain arbitrary level is reached for many of those creators, their videos lose that sense of authenticity. Watching your videos is like having a chat with a good friend!

That's a cool outfit!

After my divorce earlier this year and going into my 40s soon, I just learned to not mask anymore at all. If they don’t like it, they don’t have to be my friends lol.

My god...im done being whatever...its just so fucking hard and messed up this figuring out business...ill just go do some math. I mean seriously...all this unpacking reflecting and... The executive impairment Im just done !!!!

So you know I watch other autistic and adhd contents from other more “successful “ creators but at the end of the day I find most comfort in yours Ella. It’s the struggle and honesty you put out there. I’ve experienced just about the same and it gives me relief, hope and even joy! I’m so happy to see you happy! ♥️

On my third or fourth date with my current boyfriend (going on 4 years soon), I caught myself acting in a way I hadn't since I was a child. I began passionately rambling about Silent Hill symbolism and the legacy of the survival horror genre, something I would NEVER do in front of anyone else for fear of being given the dreaded "gamer" label. I went ALL OUT too, any autistic person can probably relate. That rising feeling in your lungs as you endlessly spew your thoughts on your favorite subject, making it almost hard to breathe. He mentioned that he'd never seen me act that way, and I was TERRIFIED that I had messed up, I thought "No no no, I didn't play my role correctly, I messed up my lines." But he said he liked it. He loved how passionate I sounded, how knowledgeable I was on a topic that he'd never ever known about. He asked for more. He asked questions, he listened to me, he chimed in with his own interests and thoughts and experiences. He treated me as an equal, and for the first time in my life my interests were validated, even when I endlessly rambled like an exasperated child. For the first time in my adult life I was naturally, without thought, being MYSELF. That person I was desperately trying to push down for years, that person I thought was "wrong", he loved. He helped me become me.

Wonderful video- I found myself planning how to act so that people will believe me when I tell them I’m autistic. Your example re: Sheldon cooper resonated with me. Thank you :). I’ll just keep TRYING to be me! I’ll fail. But I’ll try 😆

AuDHD. Masking has ruined my life pretty much. I’ve been trying for the last 7 of my 40 years to get more and more authentic.

I became Alice, from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, starting with the caterpillar, once I realized I didn't know what was under these layers. I'm going fishing more often.

You are such a beautiful person, and your content is very valuable. Thanks for your work 💕✌️😊

This is so articulate and relatable!!! Wow re the taking on Autistic Person Mask. You probably saved many people that step! Just by talking about it!! Thank you 😊

People pleasing, in my opinion, Is one of many driving forces that leads to masking with autism. I always want people around me to feel happy and safe, which is hard to stop (I'm late diagnosed).

Ella, thank you for for being so honest! I also have always internalised mistreatment and squashed down the feelings believing something is wrong with me - and trying to fix myself over and over. When, no! The treatment was not right! Also working through trauma in therapy now too and 6 months post diagnosis. I can't say how much I appreciate your frankness. About the different masks i.e with the big bang theory (I also relate so much!). Plus, about your age of diagnosis. You've come so far. I'm late diagnosed too (31) and it really gives me hope for the future. Thank you thank you thank you for your work ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I agree with everything you said I relate to so much of this, my undiagnosed adhd and autism, thank you 💛 I’m trying to unmask myself and hopefully get diagnosed or treated or SOMETHING because as a female living with an ignorant and traditionalist neurotypical father who thinks mental health is a sign of weakness and that being different is bad, it’s hard to be myself and cope when I’m having to fit a certain criteria of normalcy and stereotypes to make others feel comfortable. But I’m not. I just want to feel understood and loved for who I am, and I struggle with my identity and not knowing WHO I am and I have depression and social anxiety because of this and a need to have friend and appear normal in school or outside and do all these things that are considered a normal teenager thing, I’ve been having chameleon like personality and I began attention-seeking and a few months ago I immediately shut down, unaware of who I was and if anyone loved me and suicidal thoughts. And the more I ask for support or vent or explain things to others, I feel like I’m attention-seeking I’ve been masking for so long to not be a fuss for everyone else but I am now suffering from emotional breakdowns and obvious issues I just can’t keep pent up inside me anymore and it’s confusing everyone. hopefully I get diagnosed soon because I did SOOOOO much research for more than 3 years going back and forth on possible causes and illnesses or whatever and researching my family history. It’s hard to be authentic and not think about being likeable without not being yourself because…nobody actually accepts me no matter how much they try to say they do and being pressured and pressured and gaslighted into thinking I’m in the wrong. Alright I’ll stop hahaha this is getting too long but thank you for this video Ella 🙏🙏💛💛💛

It’s so exhausting!

Worth is not based on productivity or success. Worth is not based on productivity or success. Worth is not based on productivity or success. Worth is... If I write this a thousand times will I finally believe it?

Everything you spoke about was 🤯! I feel validated 💕

I love your videos. I’m Also a late diagnosed autistic adhd person. I was wondering if that was a Lego bonsai I. The background. It looks so pretty. Keep making awesome stuff

Oh my god, I also maked using Sheldon's personality for years but thank God nobody noticed it 😅

❤ Thank You for being vulnerable and putting yourself out there.

Oh my gosh this is exactly what I needed to hear today. This is like my life story, I have no idea who I am, and I spend too much time looking at other people’s lives to focus on figuring my own out. THANK YOU for this video and for your honesty, it really spoke to me.

A fantastic post, thank you! I like the new you even better than the old. Keep going! So do I, with small steps. ❤️

I've added a comment to a video you did with Rob and Roz, in 2018, about Autism and digestive issues - I hope you can read it, as it might be helpful.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I'm just startimg my journey of discovery at the age of 49. Its quite a pandoras box! I have to say that this masking/unmasking is situation is something I am not enjoying at all but hearing about your experience makes me feel far less alone. Thank you. I wish you the very best of happiness and peace. X

That thing you said about taking on Sheldon as a personality, that behavior - to me - is in and of itself so very autistic! The fact you went looking for a suitable autistic personality is in and of itself such an autistic thing to do. I have very distinct memories of desperately trying to find someone suitable to be, from TV, from books. Of course, all children do a version of this, being Disney characters, or super heroes, but I think with autistic people, it's more a matter of degree: how long it goes on (like into adulthood), how it's a conscious strategy, how we would search for it instead of it just happening organically and being a phase. For me, it was not a phase, but a lifelong strategy, often associated with special interests. I’d absorb a personality I thought fit the interest, and I’d look for someone within that interest I could be. This is all in direct conflict with my desire to be a unique individual, but it came very obviously from my being ostracized, an outcast, and always feeling horribly awkward, alien, and out of place. I was always very consciously looking for someone more appropriate, more acceptable to be. I'm in my 60s now, and I can honestly say this was more or less a strategy into my late 30s at least. I think a lot of therapy - even as undiagnosed autistic - at least made me aware of the process, made me aware of everything I had been doing to mask, and how intensely I did mask, even if it wasn't connected to the word autism, which I wouldn't associate with virtually everything I had struggled with in my life until later.

I just got diagnosed yesterday and when you were talking about pushing down discomfort to fit in and what it leads to, it was like looking at a mirror. I'm so glad you made this video, thank you!

I remember discovering I was masking even sitting on my own in a car on a 300 km trip. Censoring my own thoughts in spite of being totally alone. I believe that discovery came 35 years before I discovered autism.

I never needed ADHD meds I was born in 1980 February 3rd. Can anyone maybe have an idea we’re I’m coming from ❤?

Hi! My grandmother just learned that my little cousin, who is going into 10th grade has autism, but she was never told or realized before. Before she knew she was always telling my cousin that his behavior was “weird” or “bizarre”. Now that she knows that he has autism she is desperately trying to do research but I don’t want her to get research written or conveyed by Neurotypical’s because I think it’s more important to listen to autistic people when they speak about autistic issues. Does anyone have any videos that might have really helped them that I could show her? I’m sorry if the language here isn’t correct , I’m still learning too😅

Thank you for this video. I've been diagnosed at the age of 27, so hearing you've also been diagnosed later in life made it feel a lot more personal. And I agree 100% with you. I am currently aware of my masking and am working on understanding it and finding tools to help myself.

I don't know who the autistic RU-vidrs with the most views are, but I can't seem to connect with a lot of the other channels, specifically the men; you, and a couple other autistic women, are the ones whose experiences and way of presenting ideas resonates with me, and you are by far my favorite. So I hope you will not change for the sake of views! :) -- changing because you are evolving is good though. This was a very helpful video that helped me finally start to understand masking in terms of myself. 3 sounds about right to me too (I'm 61). And I love that shirt. ETA: understandable about the comic book phase. Looking back, most of the people that I've known who I now wonder if they are on the spectrum, myself included, were comic book fans or professionals. None of us were that much like Sheldon. Most though not all of us were guys. And many of us were also big Dr. Who fans. ;-) (I discovered Dr. Who during No. 4. It now occurs to me that the elements I loved so much about Tom Baker's Doctor are somewhat autistic traits.) FURTHER EDIT: I realized I should clarify what is probably obvious, but just in case: it's not that every likely autistic person I've encountered was into comics, it was a group of people with the same special interest, many of whom, in retrospect, MIGHT have been on the spectrum.

“I feel like I’m having a second adolescence.” That resonates with me and I couldn’t describe the feeling better. Thanks for putting words to the feeling. 🙌👽

For me, it was early on that I didn't understand why everyone thinks life is so good and fun. I didn't think so at all. Then I didn't think I was odd, but people are strange and usually mean. But mostly stupid idiots.

I recently discovered that it's likely that I have autism. I'm 37 years old and don't really see any reason to get diagnosed. Is there any practical reason (besides self-discovery or self-acceptance) for seeking a diagnosis at this stage of my life? I've found so many of your videos highly relatable!

Ella, I'm SO happy that you are finding YOU. That is a hard thing to do, but you got this. 💜

I started crying thinking why is she reading my life especially when I started Jr high and high school and I realized that I was masking and I cried even harder. But still think the hardest person to convince is "me"(whoever that is) because I have told myself that I am weird and need to change for years. 19 years is kinda hard to fake your life for other people right??

I recently moved away from my hometown because I kept feeling (even though I knew better) like I had to be the version of me that they "signed up for". Obviously that isn't going to solve the problem, but I think it will make it easier for me to discover who I am away from the worry that people will be disappointed if I'm not the version of me who I was when I didn't realize I could be me and be loved.

wait no, this isn't how my masking is at all! my masking is mostly about assuming a body language and emotions that I don't actually feel. For example, acting happy and cheerful towards someone I am angry at. But I don't actually try to change my real interests and lifestyle to suit them.

Thank you so much for all of your videos. I'm going to be looking for a diagnosis soon and your videos are helping me see what my masks are. I have been in a relationship with an amazing man and now I'm afraid to start unmasking because I know that it's going to be a lot for him. I've been in therapy since I was 5 years old, so I just thought I was coping with me tal illnesses. Now I'm realizing I was being taught how to mask.

I highly recommend Unmasking Autism by Devon Price! I just finished reading it and it was an easy read but very affirming and helpful :~)

I’m pretty much having to he same experience right now. Thank you for the confirmation. We’re in the right path ❤

Thank you for this video and for being so open and honest. It was very moving and brought me to tears. I really relate. ❤

The analogy that I like for masking versus being in the closet or just adjusting your behavior to suit the group is pretty clear. If weeding your garden and accidentally pulling a couple things you shouldn't is being in the closet, then masking is more or less carpet bombing the entire subdivision because you're pretty sure that you're going to get all the things people are annoyed by. In one case it's targeted with some awareness and in the other it's basically everything because you've got no idea which things are a problem and which ones aren't.

As I work with unmasking. I find it is easier to make friends or at least make it clear who I am to people who shouldn't be friends with me due to their lack of acceptance to my expression.

I've been through a lot in the last six months, and this video has helped explain so much about some of the reasons for how I've ended up where I am right now after a very long time. . Thank you so much.

I think I did this unintentionally when I was a young child. When my mum answered questions for my diagnostic assessment, she noted a string of sensory issues as a toddler, such as treating water like acid, hating the feel of sand, and finding wind unbearable. But after a while at nursery, I didn't seem to have these issues anymore. Perhaps I was masking at age 4 so I could play in the sandpit with other kids and fit in.

Aw. Your honesty and authenticity really come across here. You seem like a really nice person.

I always believed women were easier to put on the mask because of social conditioning.

I literally have always been myself..last year I did mask a little but I was still myself…I guess I’m just bad at it…😅

😊thank you for articulating this essential process

Thank you for this video Ella