Bath Time With a New Foster Child 

I have some tips and reassurance for those in adulthood who still have issues with hygiene despite living alone etc. TW: SA, Child neglect As a kid (

Love that you acknowledge this could be trauma related OR it could be sensory related. Kids on the spectrum, for example, can refuse to bathe for reasons completely unrelated to trauma.

I grew up with a mom who has OCD. She insisted on bathing me until I was like 10 years old. I also had acanthosis nigricans (a darkening of skin around the neck, armpits, inner thighs, and folds of skin) and she thought I was always dirty. She would scrub and scrub and I would scream and cry. It was very upsetting, I hated bathing. This happened at the same time I was being made fun of for not being skinny in school. These events have left their mark on me for decades. Thank goodness for therapy.

Not in the foster system, but working in the school system with kiddos with special needs, your content helps me be a better provider for the students I work with. Thank you

I remember hating baths because my dad would always put it as hot as possible and I just thoughts baths were super painful but now that I’m older I’ve realized that’s not right and I finally enjoy taking baths ♥️ you are a blessing thank you for spreading awareness

My MIL's foster kid stinks soooo bad. They have a history of SA, and loads of neglect, so bathing was almost an anti-goal for them growing up, smelling bad offered protection. And when under stress, they revert. Guess what's stressful? Family visiting, holidays, etc. But you can't force a 17 year old to bathe. You can encourage, etc. And I don't want to hurt their feelings by letting my kids tease them, so we had to make 'rules' that if you can't stand it, just quietly leave the room, and MIL will talk to them. It's a journey and it takes time.

Thank you for everything you do for those sweet kids.

I watch your videos and I tear up nearly every time. Your tone and ability to take a step back and explain is so soothing to my inner child. I appreciate this so much as a trauma conscious parent

Especially if the kid is older, they could also be uncomfortable due to gender dysphoria. I would be very uncomfortable showering and changing in the girls locker room at school or even in front of my mom, and it wasn't until a long time later that I realized it was because certain body parts felt shameful and it made me feel very vulnerable and gross for others to see them. The swimsuit idea would definitely help with this, and I would also recommend drawing attention away from those uncomfortable body parts as well through toys, bubbles, a scalp/back rub, etc if the child wants that.

Also, make sure that the water temperature is right! I couldn’t stand anything except COLD baths/showers as a kid. Warm ones were painful.

Laura, I just love you and all you do.

I have a different experience where someone in my family doesn't like to be alone in the bathroom. So I'll talk to them or read a story while they are in the shower. If I'm not around they will put on an audiobook.

Do you have suggestions on supporting an older child regarding bathing? One that avoids bathing due to previous instances of abuse in the bath or shower? Thank you! Very helpful!

Love this extremely informative video. A must watch for all parents

Great tips

So glad you allow kids to were bathing suits :D

So good and calming 💕

Can you do a video about bed wetting. Foster kids

How do we know that you have a Foster child if we can’t see him or her

as a grown up with cptsd I want to emphasize the explanation part. I did not know many basic things involving hygiene and did them wrong for a very long time. example: how to chose fitting + weather appropriate clothes, wear underwear, clean private areas etc.

This made so much sense to me once a survivor of SA mentioned that she wanted to be dirty so no one would want to abuse her. My heart breaks for these babies and anyone who has experienced that. You are an angel! ❤

Helpful hint (from a mom and childhood educator) for anyone with sensitive skin. I have a child, who many years ago had skin issues so bad even the sensitive products would make them break out in the worst rash ever. During the age where children love bubble baths, mine could not. Food colouring is where it was at. A few drops to the tub ( blue or green works the best) doesn’t stain the tub or skin. And children just love it

Fun idea for young kids bath time. I wasn't allowed bubbles during bath time because I have a chronic illness, so instead we had balloon baths. Fill a bunch of water balloons with water and use them instead of bubbles. So much fun. Good sensory play, you can squeeze them and pop them and sit on them and if you fill them with slightly different temperatures of water it can be even more sensory. They sell biodegradable water balloons now so we don't even have to feel bad.

This felt validating even as an adult with PTSD, well done, and thanks for sharing.

My mother had fosters, and one boy needed her to sit outside the bathroom reading him a book loudly.

I was not a foster child - I will never have a foster child....but I just love this content. It's so good for even parents to see and know there are other ways to parent than the way we were parented.

this is gonna sound so silly but - i'm not a foster kid or a foster parent, never was and probably never will be. but i WAS a victim of abuse as a kid. long, protracted neglect and just... not being cared about at all. it felt like i was always screaming for help and no one cared. and these videos are some of my favourites because it's like my inner child is being healed. like i can watch these and just realise - this is what's normal, this is what was supposed to happen, i was a child and none of it was my fault. sorry to trauma dump but even though you'll never see this i wanted to explain how much you help me. thank you for these and i wish nothing but the best for you and yours.

I honestly love this. After going through several SAs in bathrooms and my own home, I’ve always been scared of showers and baths. 😬

This is just good parenting, PERIOD. Empowering children while guiding them.

A little brother of mine was terrified of taking a shower years. His foster did not understand for years, and he didn't really remember why either, but when she told me, I immediately knew why. My order sister and I were tasked to give him a bath when he was still a newborn, and my other younger brother came in and town on the shower scalding hot. From then on, he screamed if you put him anywhere near the bathtub, so for years, we bathed him in using a pot in the kitchen and then a tote (my sisters and I were very creatively handled this situation) until we finally got him comfortable enough in the bathtub without ever using the shower. He showers now, but from like ages 5 to at least age 9, his foster mom could only get him to take baths.

Your channel is AMAZING! I am not a foster parent, but I have worked with children with all sorts of issues in public schools over the years and I could have used your role modeling back then for that. I wanted to comment just to tell you that and to bump your channel. Best wishes.

Fun story: when i was little I watched the Disney Winnie the pooh movie and watched rabbit get sucked down the drain in his bathtub. For the adults making the movie it was probably hilarious but to my anxious child mind it was horrifying and for almost a year afterward I would scream if the drain plug was pulled before I was out of the bath. I had to get out and very carefully watch the water drain completely before I could even think about putting clothes on. My dad was furious at Disney 🤣

I am 64 without kids, but I babysat full time 2 summers in college and have worked 19 years between 3 community centers. One big focus for my room to be safe was to stay in our own space/to ask before touching someone else’s things. It became precious to them, and it taught one type of boundary. You are amazing and I celebrate you.

Idk how I ended up being recommended these videos, I never wish to be any sort of parent. But if I ever changed my mind, adoption would certainly be my choice, & these tips sound great for re-adjusting a recently adopted child as well!

The part where it says "Don't worry, you can't fit down the drain." sounds stupid, but it's really helpful. If I had had that confirmation as a kid, I would like baths a slight bit better now.

They make soap “paint” and “crayons” kids can use to draw pictures or paint on the tub walls, that might make for a different/fun bath time, too

Putting a comment for the algorithm. Wish I had seen this type of parenting modelled when I was a parent. Many thanks.😊

How do you address fear/dislike of bathing when coupled with scabies/lice/bed bugs (i.e., bringing it from their last residence)?

One of my friend's little sisters was recently admitted to a mental hospital for extreme anxiety caused by her sensory disorder. Thanks for bring attention to some of the "weird" triggers for these kinds of disorders.

When I was a kid, a cousin of mine was afraid of baths for a long time because a nanny washed him with water that was way too hot, and he was still a baby who wasn't speaking so this happened to him at least three times before his family found out. My aunt had to wash him in the sink with cold water for at least a year after that because bathtubs with warm water were terrifying, I remember it very well because my aunt was explaining this to my mom as she was bathing him. Even in well-meaning families, there are reasons bath time can be very scary.

Love the idea of adding toys and fragrance. Since fragrance preference can be so individual, I might even have a full "buffet" of fragrances for the child to choose from (assuming all the choices wouldn't overwhelm them).

You are a literal angel 😇 the world is a better place because you’re here.

Telling them they can’t fit down the drain is so important I was TERRIFIED of that when I was little

Your kindness and enthusiasm really shows for looking after children

Loving your videos! You have a huge heart. Thank you.

You are so patient and honestly the system is lucky to have you, and people like you.

I love how each event, you immediately take them _away from the trigger_ before you talk about it. You give them a safe space.

Thank you for your channel. I want to be a foster parent. This is some of the BEST scenario break downs. It's really answering alot of my questions. And is a great starting point! Thank you!

Would it help to give a doll a bath first? You could demonstrate how a bath is done and maybe get a clue as to why they're afraid or nervous about bath time.

Thank you!!! My husband and I are about to be licensed as foster parents and this is currently one of the situations I have the most questions about. 💜

You’re a wonderful soul ❤

Talking about the possibility of sensory issues is so good (I'm autistic). Used to hate taking showers as a kid, but now I prefer them. A couple things really helped. One was being able to change the water pressure, because the feeling of all the hard droplets of water slamming into me registered as extremely painful and intensely anxiety inducing to my brain. Also having water spray in my face felt bad. And not being able to adjust the height or angle of the water, so there was nowhere I could stand where I could step out of the spray for a few seconds if I got overwhelmed. Also hot humid air isn't great for trying not to hyperventilate, smells or soapy textures can be overwhelming (or nice, I use smells I like to motivate me to shower), and going from warm to cold and drippy doesn't feel great (warm towels right away, and having a heater in our bathroom helps). Also I was scared of foggy mirrors as a kid, idk why, but having the heater in the bathroom also helped because it de-fogged the mirror. Also I didn't understand how not to get soap in my eyes, water in my ears, or how to properly wash off the soap which led to skin irritation. And all that is with my bio parents who took extremely good care of me and were genuinely trying their best to help with all of this (albeit undiagnosed until adulthood, needless to say we were all very confused). It must be even harder for a foster kid. Honestly even now it's not easy to shower, but realizing why it felt so bad and how to make it feel better has done a lot. Even fixing the immediate issues don't always help that deep ingrained fear, or the self esteem issues that come from struggling with hygiene. But, making the experience feel safe or even nice sometimes can help give the space to work on that stuff. It was challenging to start trying to feel positive about it even as an adult. I can exactly imagine how scary it would feel for a kid, and how crucial help like this could be, especially because kids who have sensory issues are probably quite a bit more likely to have difficulty describing why they feel that way, and have likely been told that the way they feel is stupid or wrong or bad because it's not the same as everyone else.

Do you ever get emergency medical placements, where you know the child will go home when the parent recovers?

This is so perfect.

This is wonderful. Thank you for being you and bringing so much healing to these kids

I've said it before, but just want to say it again. You are an amazing earth Angel ❤️

Ever turned a paddling pool into a bath during the summer. It's great fun!

I pray God blesses this earth with more foster parents like you 🙏

our panel date is the 12th of July and I'm a mixture of emotions..your videos have helped a ton... I can see how it's gonna give joy but a lot of pain as finding out what's happened to them and seeing the trauma well that's what will break me inside...obviously I'll keep composed n definitely cry in private...I'm definitely ready but really how ready can 1 be to hear the horror stories...your videos will sure continue to help me .. already got ideas from you ... thanks again ...

This is SUCH a valuable video for anyone interacting with children (be it parents, foster parents, aunts and uncles, babysitters, etc.). When I was a child, I had a deep phobia about toilets: I was terrified of falling in and being flushed down the drain. My anxiety was so severe that I never used the bathrooms at preschool (or anywhere outside the home). When I went out anywhere with my family, I had to beg an adult to accompany me INTO the bathroom each time. This went on for years until I saw a therapist in elementary school. I never learned what caused my phobia, but I did learn how to cope with it. Maybe it stemmed from a sensory issue (the prolonged loud noise, the rapidly swirling water). I found out a few years ago (at age 33!) that I have ADHD, and I hear that sensory issues are common for us.

A social story prepping the child before would also be helpful.

I totally had a fear of getting sucked down the drain as a kid! That's such a real thing.

When I was a child, bubbles and a few toys made everything better, heck now I'm an adult, I still need bubbles or I can't have a bath! Sometimes it's just the little things!

So helpful!!!!!!!

Man there is so much to think about when fostering. I want to be a foster parent one day but I feel like I’m going to traumatise those poor kids it’s so complicated

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

The kids are lucky to have you ❤️

Beautiful

Dear lady, I just love your videos! You are such a caring, lovely person with a heart of gold. Bless you for taking care of God's little ones. If I lived closer to you, I'd be that neighbor ready with a casserole at any time! xo

You are a godsend.

I have no intention of becoming a parent but I love these videos so I can better understand how to help the young kids I work with. Thank you for these!! also I think crayola makes bath crayons that don't stain the walls so maybe that could be a fun addition

You are amazing. I could never be a foster parent, enormous respect to people who can.

Your channel is such a gift to foster parents.

A high school class that teaches kid how not to traumatized their children. 👀🙏

You are a breautiful being. Thank you.

You are wonderful. God bless you

GOD BLESS YOU

🙏🙏🙏

weird music

How would you welcome older kids, like 8 to 12 year olds?

I've been such a better parent since I found your channel. Calmer, more patient and more creatively explaining things to my children (like your drawing in the shower example) instead of expecting them to just "do it already Jesus please get in the shower now NOW". In return, my sons are so much more attentive to what I'm saying and much cuddlier. 🥲 I am so glad for your videos.