Being a woman in Vietnam vs. in Germany 

As a Slavic girl, what you described growing up in a small village, I relate to it completely “you’re too loud and opinionated you’ll never find a husband” is what i heard ever since i can remember

As an Indian, I know that my barely educated mother ( just till her 10th grade) fought for her 2 daughters and made us Doctors. My younger sibling is in the US now and working as a doctor. My mother told my father that she won't have any more children and took all the abuse and taunts. She used to be just like your mother, make us study whilst she would slog in the kitchen. She even moved in with me, when I had a son, so that I would continue my job. She moved out of my house only when my son was big enough to go to school. She prays for us. She has given her life for us. I think in the " third world countires" ( I don't like this term but I don't have any other umbrella term to describe our countries), women like our mothers are the strongest. My husband and I have the deepest respect for my mummy and we will take care of her always. She is our biggest support and strength. A big salute to your mother for raising you.

Going through all the comments and seeing how many women, from all over the world, relate to Uyen's story is sobering. However, I think it's wonderfully inspirational to see all of these women coming together and finding community and appreciating the strong women in their cultures, while still wanting to move forward and encourage equality. We are stronger together. I love this comment section!

I am a woman in Vietnam and I can confirm this. Even though I was born and grew up in the country's biggest city, the mindset of "men are more valuable than women" is still affecting many aspects of my everyday life, especially when it comes to family gatherings. I am glad that you have brought up this very personal story. It really gives hope to a young adult like me who is not aligned with social expectations about how a woman should be.

It’s fascinating learning about others cultures. I am North American indigenous. My tribe is Choctaw. Our society is matriarchal. There are gender roles - men fought, and the chief made decisions during wartime. During peacetime, women were the decision makers. There’s no preferred sex, as both hold equal importance! Men and women teach children, and cook. Most activities are shared responsibilities

I am a korean woman living in a rural area. A lot of the things you were talked about are relatable. In korea, women are expected to be submissive and obedient, never questioning the men. Other cultural aspects are also similar. Never being able to sit down and eat in peace, having to do all the housework and take care of the kids, always needing to be ready for the men's beck and call. All my life I was taught to cook and clean and raise babies by my mother and grandmother. I wanted out of this life so bad I studied really hard to get into university. My hardwork paid off when I got into SNU (the mit or harvard of korea). My dad and all the other males in the family wanted me to pursue a feminine profession, such as education or nursing. In the end, I chose civil engineering- one of the manly jobs. Now, I live in america where women are treated equally. At first it was very confusing for me, but eventually got used to it. Edit: To clarify, this is not the norm in South Korea. As I have said, I lived in a very rural town with only around a 100 people. Even in the rural areas, social change is happening and people are making waves in gender equality. My case is very unique, so don't think badly of Korea.

As a young adult girl who lives in Vietnam, this video made me tear up because of how relatable it was to me. My mother, while being quite traditional, is still making sure that I get well-educated and have a good career in the future. She often says that the reason why she pays for my school fees is that I could get a high-paying job to buy her a large house but I know deep down all she wants is just for me to become financially independent and can take care of myself without depending on any people ^^.

When you said that your boyfriend will be with you whether you want to have a child or not made me tear up! It just be reassuring to know that you have true freedom to decide for yourself, knowing that you'll still be cared for equally in either situation

I love that your mother, even though being traditional, made sure her daughters were educated and got their own careers. I bet she's very proud of you and yours sisters. Being a brazilian middle-class woman, I was raised to become financially independent and well-educated and I'm soo grateful for that. Of course we all struggle somehow because any society do have its own expectations towards women but we are getting better everyday.

I dated a Vietnamese girl in Melbourne for a while who was born and raised in a small village in Vietnam and moved to Australia at the age of 17 with her parents, and it shocked her so much that my apartment was so clean and tidy. She was convinced at first that my mother would visit and clean up after me and wash my clothes. It wasn't until she saw me doing all of this myself that she understood that western men are raised differently..haha - So yeah, when I visited her parents for the first time, they couldn't comprehend that I began washing dishes with my girlfriend and taking out the rubbish etc..lol

Hello Uyen!! I'm a 15 year old living in Uzbekistan (in Tashkent which is a capital of the country) and i can relate to manyyyy things you said about your culture. Altought i live in the most modern part of my country my relatives were quite old-fashioned. We have really huge wedding and other activites when a lot of people are involved (usually between relatives), and men just sitting and eating and women taking care of the food and other things is soo relatible. My mom is quite similar to your mom, even thought my close relatives encourage women to study (especially my mom) and whenever they meet me they will ask "how is your studies?"," how are your grades at school?", the concept of "men are more important than women" has been a thing here too. And a lot of women outside of my city don't have the same kind of encouragement to study and make a succesful career, as often they will get married and have children by 25 (like 80% of uzbek women), so i'm really grateful for my family to support me. It is really unexpected and kind of upsetting to realize that women from all corners of the world can relate to your story. Best of everything and lots of love❤❤❤

Thank you for this video Uyen. Ì´m an Arab woman living in Germany and a lot of what you say is relatable. My brother was expected to reach very far in his career as a lawyer while my father wanted me to be an English teacher. I was feeling like I failed myself today until I watched your video. I don’t feel alone in the struggle now. So thank you 🤗

Dear Uyen, I'm a 29-year-old Turkish woman living in Belgium with a Dutch husband. I recognise SOOOOOO much of your story in mine! Vietnam, in terms of being a woman, sounds just like Turkey, except for the bleaching products;) Sometimes my family from Turkey call while I'm sitting in the living room and my husband's in the kitchen cooking or doing dishes. They always feel so bad for him and have so much sympathy for the poor guy doing housework! They often encourage me or even try to shame me into going and helping him because otherwise he might get resentful (He absolutely wouldn't. We try to split the work fairly.) how my (extended) family treated me "as a woman" was one of the main reasons I came to The Netherlands to do my masters. No matter how smart or successful or morally principled I was, I was still criticisrd for gaining weight, not cooking enough, not cleaning enough. So I thought "That's it. I'm not marrying a Turkish guy. I'm not staying here and living with these standards." Also I hated that women were under risk of rape or sexual harassment in so many circumstances. The double standards were glaring. Still, of course, I love my family and my country. My family have also improved a lot since those years! They've become much less openly sexist😅 I think I played a role in that:) they also treat me with more respect now (extended family). I wonder how your family has "evolved" in responses to your changes?

As an older Vietnamese woman, i wanna thank you for everything you shared in this video (including the disclaimer at the beginning). I grew up in a considerably progressive city of Vietnam, yet i have faced micro-aggression towards me as a woman from time to time. Sometimes it's exhausting to keep fighting back, but i made a promise to myself that i would never stop because i want our country to become a better place for my daughter in the future. Hence, im grateful for this video of yours. Ive been watching your channel for quite some time, but this is the first time i commented. Chị cảm ơn em Uyên! ❤

This really touched me. I'm a german woman and can hardly relate to this kind of pressure, eventho I have a history of eating disorder, too. In Germany not everything is perfect either, but I'm so happy that you found your happiness here! ❤

I’m Latina & I had a similar experience! Coincidentally my parents also really wanted a son and ended up with 4 daughters instead! In my culture, traditionally sons are valued more than daughters for a lot of the reasons you said; only boys can carry on the family name, sons are stronger and can earn more, and in my family’s situation my father wanted to pass down his vocational skills in carpentry to a boy. As a child I definitely experienced the jokes and insults about how unlucky my parents are and how there must be something wrong either medically or spiritually to cause them to have only daughters.

As an Arab woman, I absolutely understand and relate to most things you mentioned. Until this day, my mom thinks I'm "talking back" (and I'm 25!) when I tell her my brothers should be cleaning up after themselves!

I’m Vietnamese, but thanks to my very rebellious mom, I don’t have this Vietnamese mentality. My mom hated when her mom made her cooked and cleaned for men. I love my tan skin. When I visited a Vietnamese grocery store, a lady commented on how tanned I have gotten living in Hawaii. Smiling, I just told her that she was lucky my mom raised me to be polite and not curse her out. I put the groceries back.

I love how in this comment section, people, especially women from all over the world, share their experiences and support each other in standing up for themselves, loving themselves and feeling valuable. That we all declare war on these toxic and often racist beauty standards so that everyone can feel comfortable in their own skin. And that we fight for a society where women are not expected to live their lives revolving around taking care of men and children and basically being a servant and not a self-determined human being. It's such a shame that so many people can identify with the experiences that Uyen shared in the video - but it's so beautiful that we're all talking openly about these experiences and fighting for women to be able to live with real equality in the future. Uyen, I'm so happy that you found some peace and happiness here, you are a treasure!! Lots of love from a german 33-old :)

One of the (many) reasons I enjoy Uyen's videos so much, is reading the comments afterwards. There are such a broad array of people from all over the world sharing their experiences and some really interesting discussions. It's such a breath of fresh air :) Greetings from New Zealand, where we're doing ok but still have a long way to go before we have true equality. Thanks for the reminder of how much it's worth striving for it and not to take what we have for granted.

i am a kazakh woman and i relate so much it hurts. i was lucky enough to marry and move to first world country and it’s so different here. it still takes time and therapy to get used to being treated and feel like a proper human being.

This is going to sound so weird but, Uyen, I’m so proud of you. Thank you for being you and being proud of owning who you are, especially at such a young age. You are very strong and it’s inspiring to see you embrace your experiences ❤️

I feel this is the reason why many women who come to "developed countries" from patriarchal places, feel liberated and free. While the men who come from the same places feel threatened because of all the "privileges" that they loose (which they thought is a god given thing and not a cultural difference). I come from Serbia, and my mindset is waaay better suitable for Germany 😄 I have two beautiful girls, and nobody told me I should have a son, nor do I feel the need to have one. I'm just happy for my girls growing up in prosperity, and hope they will have an even better life than me.

Im a senegalese who grew up in Italy, we have a strong senegalese community here and whenever we gather up, the women have to do everything while the men sit, eat and talk, I relate to many of the things you said, I'm so happy that you can live a life free from these kind of things while loving yourself and your roots, thank you for making these videos❤

Hey..., albanian guy here..., but born and raised in Italy and I live since 10 years in Germany. First of all, thanks for sharing your story and I'm glad you're doing better today. I'm a guy, so I obviously did not experience this. But, my three older sisters definitely did and partially still do. My parents also had this mind-set that they needed to have at least one son otherwise it would've been considered ''embarassing'', etc. My mom gave birth to four kids and she once told me that she wanted to stop after her 3rd birth because she wasn't doing well..., but my dad and his and her family pressured her to do a 4th kid, cause she needed to have at least one son..., later on it was revealed that her 4th kid, me, was a boy and my mom was very relieved since she wouldn't have been able to give birth to a 5th kid. My two oldest sisters were born in Albania and my third sister and I in Italy. During the time when my oldest and 2nd oldest sister were born, my mom was forced to live in the house of my father's family, far away from her own family. My dad, at that time, lived in Italy by himself since he wanted to find a job and home for them (my mom, 1st and 2nd daughter), cause back then (and even today to some extent), Albania didn't have good life-conditions, which is why my dad wanted our family to live in a country which is still located close to Albania yet that has more possibilities of good living. My mom was never allowed to visit her family for six years straight, cause that's how long my mom lived in my father's family house with her two daughters and my dad in Italy. My mom constantly needed to clean and cook for the parents and all the siblings and their kids of my father's side. My mom didn't have any money and therefore wasn't able to go visit her family..., she was basically stuck within the family of my father's side. My grandma also used to close the entrance door with keys in order for her not to go out. They treated her like sh**. Later on, my father came back to Albania after learning the italian language, finding a home and a reliable job and basically integrating there and took my mom and her two daughters to Italy. My third sister and I were then born in Italy and we basically grew up in a different country from our parents, which I'm very thankful for, cause trust me, your surroundings do make a difference. Even though we were in Italy, my parents (mainly my dad tho) still raised us or at least tried to raise us in a traditional way. Women should work at home and not have a substainable career, while the man needs to go and work in order to provide money for the family and spent almost no time with his children. My sisters also weren't allowed to date anyone or even have male friends, cause my father would have gone crazy then..., my mom was very quiet and obedient..., he used to get loud and/or mad everytime my mom would give him some advice on certain things. My father also didn't allow my mother to become independent..., learn the italian language or get a job. He wanted to be superior and the ''man'' in the house. So everytime all four of us kids where in school and my father at work, my mom was always just staying alone and cleaning up the house as she was never able to talk to someone or even our neighbours, because she wasn't able to speak their language. As we became older..., my mother always pushed all of us equally, in regards to becoming independent, to study a lot and to choose a profession that we would like to do, so that everyone of us would have a good career that we enjoy practicing and therefore be able to have money in our pockets. But my mother also wanted my sisters to be able to clean up things and eventually also cook something for the family due to the future husband situation, since that's how she was taught by her own mother..., but at the same time, my mom also recognized all the things she lost and therefore wanted her daughters to not live through the same experience. Cause my mom actually wanted to study science after graduating high school, but her parents basically pushed her towards marriage..., at such a young age too, crazy. As I grew up, I myself, was also quite active in house-activities as for me it was something normal, cause I saw my mother and my sisters always do it. Plus, I always hate to see things messy, so it really bothers me if my room or the kitchen etc. isn't orderly. I remember how my father turned out to be quite shocked and angry towards my sisters and mom when I was participating in cleaning up the house or hanging up the landry..., I used to do it voluntarily, cause I wanted to help them..., yet my father always tried to 'teach' me that I shouldn't do it, that it's not my responsibility. It's a girl thing to do. Another huge issue my sisters had to go through, which you also mentioned, is weight. My father always said, ''you're too fat..., no man will ever find you attractive and no one will love you if you look like shit''. (And the thing is..., my sisters weren't even fat😭) He also used to get physical towards all five of us for various reasons. And every time we visited his family in Albania they would also say the same to thing towards my sisters..., in front of everybody..., that was so embarrassing..., and even though they weren't talking about me, I obviously still felt very uncomfortable. I once actually even started a debate with my aunts and my grandma, cause I was like..., no one disrespects my sisters like that, not even the siblings of my father or my grandma. I could tell how left behind they were and STILL ARE in their mentality. My parents and their family also always had this habit to compare us with other children..., this was really annoying at first..., but I honestly don't care anymore. I'm in general REALLY proud of my sisters..., two of them finished college (my oldest sister studied law and my 2nd oldest sister dentistry) and are already working since a couple of years and my third sister and I are still in college and doing just fine. Although, my father never thought my sisters and I were able to make it thus far..., he never believed in us. My mom on the other hand, even tho she was never able help us in school matters as she wasn't able to speak or understand other languages than albanian, always tried her best to motivate us. Here and then, we try to go with our mother to different places instead of just Albania during the holidays..., don't get me wrong, Albania has beautiful places, but we never visited other countries, cause my father always decided what we should do and where we should go, as if women aren't able to take such decisions. My older sisters always provide my mom with some money..., and she herself also works these days, which she really enjoys. Stuff change if you're independent. My father has changed tho..., he isn't a terrible human anymore and I'm very thankful for that, but I still will NEVER forgive him for how bad he and his family treated my sisters and especially my mother!

Have German fiancee start doing the dishes at your house with you when he visits. My dad started to do that at my mom's parents' house. Nothing changed but it modeled better behavior for the kids.

As a german girl, I just realised once more how glad I can be to be growing up in Germany, without such expectations and preparation for being a wife. I am glad that you learned to love yourself and let go of these Vietnamese beauty standards and all that. 💗

I am french and I like your videos so much!! You are so natural, not trying to look perfect like other RU-vid girls and that feels so good!! Thank you.

Im so sad for women growing up thinking they are not worth as much. Its sounds like your mum actually knew you were though, kicking you out to study. That is love. What a good mum

One of my best friends came from Vietnam to Germany at the age of ten. Her family (mainly her mother) wanted to marry her away to a successful man and then go back to Vietnam to live the housewife-style life, and her boyfriend of that time had the same ideas. My friend had become so Germanised at that point though that she broke up with him, stayed in Germany and is now a very successful business woman (with a university degree in mathematics!).

As a Finnish woman in my 50s your story is relatable to my mothers, although we suffer from similar self-controlling and self-diminishing psychological phenomena. Change will come to Vietnam too. I'm happy it has come to you.

As a Nepali woman, I could relate to so much of what you said!! and reading the comments made me realize how universal our problems are

Thanks sis for sharing your story! As a Vietnamese girl who was born and grew up in a rural area, I can say that you speak for all the “countryside” Vietnamese girls! My experience is exactly like yours! After my older sister is born, my family wanted a son so bad but ended up having me, a girl. They were disappointed and then they started dressing me as a boy. They bought me boy’s clothes, toys, and boy haircut. I was so jealous of other girls because they can wear cute dresses and have long hair tied with ribbon, meanwhile my hair was BALD because my parents chose to cut all of my hair. This kept going until I got into first grade of elementary school (around 6-7 years old) and I was bullied everyday by other students. I got tired of being asked “are you a boy or a girl?” by both teachers, students and others, because I have a girly name but an appearance of a boy. When my mom found out that I was being bullied at school (a group of boy tried to pull my hair and steal my hat because I was covering my short hair with a hat), she was in tears and stopped dressing me up like a boy. Until then I was able to dress like a girl and have girly hairstyles, fortunately. It is such a traumatizing childhood :( I spent my elementary school and secondary school studying in my small village, and I swear many students around me are very uneducated. Because I have a body type that is different from most Vietnamese girls (my chest size is above average in Vietnam), I got a lot of body-shaming and verbal sexual harassment from them (both boys and girls would say unkind things about my body). This time, I also got a lot chubbier, and body shaming comments also came to me more often, and even my family shamed me, making me feel very unconfident. I also got catcalled by other guys whenever I went outside. Then I was very determined to move to a high school in the city and leave my village. And I felt better because in the big city, people are much more educated and I felt much safer. For university, I decided to once again move out of the country to study abroad. Now that I have left Vietnam to live in the Netherlands, I feel so relieved and happy. Here nobody cares and they would not judge me for my body type, if I am a boy or a girl, etc. It is very common for everyone here to have different body shapes, so I feel very included here. Whenever I tell other people here that I am fat, they would say oh you are not fat at all, you are beautiful, which makes me very happy. I have been staying in the Netherlands for 2 years and I always have the determination to settle down here because coming back to Vietnam, especially to the place where I was born, is such a nightmare.

Hi Uyen. I’m from India. While my immediate family (my parents) didn’t mind having daughters, my grandparents (paternal) certainly did. My mother’s parents were always very loving and caring. But, the gender stereotypes were still there. “You must learn to cook, or what will our in-laws say?” My little sister started learning how to cook at 8. Thankfully, our parents always wanted us to get educated. But to this day my mother does all the cooking and cleaning. My father cannot survive a single day without her. Now, I am married to a man of Indian heritage. I thought that would never end well. But here I am today, he cooks, he cleans, he takes care of me. I have chosen to be childfree and he has supported my choice since before we got married. My family is still a bit judgemental about me gaining weight, and my husband has always respected my body, and I have never once heard him say a single negative thing about my weight gain. In fact, if I don’t eat, he will yell at me about eating well. Trust me, having someone (a man) treat you as an equal, is precious. It is very important and makes you realise what you have been missing and craving all your life. I’m so happy for you! ❤❤❤

Wir freuen uns, dass du da bist. Du verdienst jeden Respekt und ein tolles, selbstbestimmtes Leben 😘💖

I love this woman so much. She makes all my days feel happier just knowing she's out there. What a ray of sunshine!

Aww that'd proof that your mom loves you and didn't want you to end up the way she has. Even though she said those things we really wanted the best for you. I'm also very proud of you for learning to see yourself as the beautiful woman you are.

Uyens mother totally wanted a different life for her daughters. She said what she was expected to say but her actions in insisting Uyen study spoke much louder. Uyen is making her mother prouder than any son would have done and by telling us how she has arrived at this point I like her even more than I thought I possibly could. She is the best and most beautiful inside and out and her fiance is a very happy man to have her in his life, no doubt she is as luck to have him too.😊

It makes me so sad to think mothers would be sad to have a daughter. I appreciate the video, and it's heartening to hear how things have gotten better in this way since moving to Germany. ❤️

Im korean who grew up near capital and recently move out from the country. And i can relate to that a lot. It made me think abouy how i was treated my entire life and how my mom got treated and my granma and my friends…. I knew you from you funny videos but this speaks to my heart… thanks a lot for sharing your experience and opening up

It's heartbreaking the way the value of girls and boys are differentiated around the world. I have a daughter with so much energy, curiosity and a very strong will, and sometimes my heart hurts at the thought of how her spirit would be shamed and broken at so many places (including un my country) simply because she's a girl. Why can't we just love and support our children!

As a Korean woman currently living in Europe, I can also totally relate. Mom doing all family job for ancestors, Judging beauty & fashion standards... I feel so much free here

The strength of your mother made me cry. What a wonderful person! God bless her.

It sounds like your mom recognized all the biases and she wanted a better life for you. She didn't want you to live the same life that she lives. Even though she doesn't always say it, I promise you that she loves you dearly and is extremely proud of you and super proud that you're making a successful life for yourself. Having her daughter be known worldwide fills her heart with pride, love, and encouragement for you.

I am Polish with very fair skin and mousy blond hair and I remember when my Pakistani sister-in-law told me about skin bleaching... and I told her about all these tanning cosmetics in our shops and then showed her how I used bronzer for my makeup. She was so shocked 😂

I relate to everything you said. I am a Southeast Asian Chinese and my late grandma was disappointed because I was a girl. She did, however, hope I'd become a doctor, just like any Asian parent or grandparent's expectations for their kids. Pretty ironic. Asian women are still expected to do most of the work especially during the big festivals. When it was my turn, I yelled at the guys in the family to help out haha. I was boiling with rage when I did the dishes, thinking to myself, why don't these useless men help out? What else can they do during family gatherings? Women literally put in double the effort by having to excel in their careers and also taking care of the house. My mom used to shame me by telling me "no boy would want to marry you" "how are you going to be a good wife?" It's so depressing.

I'm a Nigerian and most of the things you spoke about is relatable, especially when it comes to doing chores and probably existing. Lol. Learning how to cook for your future husband and doing the dishes put me off. It still exists tho, but I no longer let the patriarchal setting be the basis of my lifestyle.

How wonderful is this comments section. So interesting reading people’s stories from all over the world. Great video!! 😊

I am such a fan of you, Uyen! I am a 71W, raised as a US Navy brat in the 1950’s and 60’s. I lived in Hawaii as a small child, and also in a small Moroccan city. I was used to living in multiethnic communities where whites were minorities. My parents were raised on farms in the US during the Great Depression and WWII. They did not attend college. My father raised all us 4 kids to study and go to college. We all eventually got at least one degree. I dropped out of college in 1971 and married my high school boyfriend in 1971 at almost 20 yo. We both worked temporary jobs. Early on, after work I cooked a complicated dinner, while my husband sat and read the paper. It only took 15 minutes to eat, 60 minutes to cook, and he got up and went back out to the living room, leaving me to clean up the kitchen. I stood up and told him that I just spent an hour cooking, now it was his job to clean the kitchen. He looked startled, then nodded and uncomplainingly got up and did it. I sat and read the paper. Another time, he came over to me and told me the bathroom needed cleaning. I told him that the Ajax cleanser and sponge were under the sink. Again, he was taken aback, but turned around and cleaned the bathroom. He realized he was equally responsible for cleaning, although he had never lived away from his parents before. He later actually took on the cooking. I was happy to clean up after dinner (no planning needed). Thanks for your very thoughtful post today! I look forward to all your content! And I love the German bf as well.

As a Taiwanese woman of similar age to you, married to an Australian guy, everything you said is spot on. My parents treated me well and didn't show preference for a son, but there are so many sexist comments and 'traditions' around that it disgusts me. Growing up, seeing women doing all the work while men just sit there reading the news, sipping tea... it infuriates me. Also, during puberty, I don't know why boys have the audacity to criticize girls on their looks and bodies, and would disregard someone just because 'she is fat and ugly'. Many of my female friends are told by their families that women shouldn't study too much, or else men won't want her as a wife, or that women are just bad at STEM subjects. Sometimes, it even comes from the teachers. Thinking about these things saddens me, even to this day. I am so happy that I am in Australia now, and people here are so much better. There are no disrespectful comments on appearances, no one gives you judgmental looks for what you wear, no random uncalled-for sexist jokes, and most importantly, my hubby and I share the housework equally as we both work. This should be normal, but I am extra grateful for it because I was indoctrinated with the misogynistic culture for so long. I hope one day Asian women can all realize how misogynistic the culture is, and that we deserve better. Thank you so much for sharing your experience.

I have profound gratitude for Vietnamese mothers-they are truly the unsung heroes of the world. Despite growing up in a traditional Vietnamese family, my parents never imposed their will on us. When I expressed my choice not to pursue higher education, they consistently supported and encouraged me. My mom, in particular, emphasized the importance of women being financially independent, discouraging a life confined to housework, which I found it was a motivation for me to keep on studying (tbh, it was somehow they persuaded me to go to university in a great way, lol)😂😂😂. She never pressured my sister and me to marry, and I consider myself incredibly fortunate to be their child.

The goofy stuff is fun of course, but stories like this are deeply fascinating.

I was born in the US in 1962. My parents preferred their sons all day long. The son born before me died as a baby; I was meant to be his "replacement" but...I was a girl. I was told so often that "it doesn't make any difference" that I knew...it made a big difference to them. I learned that if your parents aren't proud of you because you're you, there's nothing you can do to make them so--no matter what "achievements" you have.

I'm an American-born Vietnamese and grew up in a traditional Vietnamese family. It was... rough growing up in the US with the two cultures conflicting. I ended up rejecting a lot of the traditions my parents forced onto me and am now trying to learn to live with my happiness in mind.

That was actually a compliment on how we live in Germany or Europe. And to be aware of it should let us all feel more happiness and gratitude! Thank you! Very touching.

You are not ugly! You have such beautiful skin. I love it. I also appreciate the respect you have for your parents, especially your mother.

Uyen, I've been enjoying your channel for quite awhile. This video was enlightening and courageous in that you were so honest and candid! Many content creators are only about the image! Anyway, you are intelligent, honest, creative, appreciative, hardworking, beautiful, and so so funny! And definitely not fat!!! It is not an easy task to rise above one's birth circumstances. Much respect to you for that, and much love to you, German boyfriend, and your mom for emphasizing education as a way to a better life.❤❤

Bless the moms that didn’t know how to make their lives different but still did whatever they could to make their daughters lives better. She didn’t know how to change her present but she knew she wanted more for your future and she pushed education. ❤

It’s interesting how me as Russian is having totally opposite perspective on sons/daughters. When son marries and has a child, this child always belongs more to the mother, which means that you, as a grandmother on the father’s side, have less value than a grandmother on the mother’s side. A son leaves his old family to support a new family; if he is too close to his mother and constantly helps her, he is a mamas little boy, and his mother is a manipulator. Therefore, you, as the mother of a boy, should step back a little after his wedding. While a daughter can constantly communicate and invite her parents, especially after the birth of a child, to help the young mom after labor. So even if you make son in Russia you usually trying to make daughter

I (german) remember a chat with an Egyptian coworker (both females)...I am in my mid-forties, she hardly crossed the twenties. When I mentioned, that I never had the wish to have children she almost fainted. Cause she was already desperate to be too late to start with a BIG family. I almost had the urge to apologize myself...

It's wild that even though my husband and I grew up in highly educated, liberal, American, upper-middle class families, some parts of your story still resonate with me. When our families get together, somehow or another my dad, father-in-law, and husband all drift to the living room to talk and drink, while my mom and mother-in-law hop to cooking and I'm stuck helping them. Even though my husband often cooks and helps at home, it's like once he's back with older men who weren't raised to help, he "reverts" to that standard of behavior. When eating our meal, if anyone asks for something not already on the table, it's my mom, MIL, or me who immediately jumps up to grab it, never the men. And when we're done eating, the women begin collecting the dishes, not the men. I feel frustrated and hopeless that men and society are still profiting from women's "invisible labor" in 2023, at least in America. I wonder if this is better in other countries?

Also, can we all please appreciate: I think I’ve never been in a more wholesome comment section 😆 Thanks to everyone of you 🙏🏻🫶 And of course, thank you Uyen for spreading such kindness into this world ❤

unfortunately, in many cultures there is still this lack of love for others, especially for women. a lot of ego, a big thank you to all the people doing their best to keep the world fairer and more focused on unconditional love. let's embody the lights of this world❤

Interesting coincidence is that we're the same age, moved to Germany around the same time, started our masters and finished around the same time, and our German is the same level I think. I relate to so many of your videos because I also moved from a more or less similar situation, and everything you said about clothing and makeup I was telling my mom a few days before on the phone. I route for your success and happiness! Keep going!

Uyen , I am at the start of the video and am from India and can relate to everything you have said so far. The similarities always mind boggle me between Vietnam and India . I am dating a french man and living in a small town in France now and your story always makes me feel like someone is going through the same things as me. Thanks for sharing this

Uyen, do you see how engaged people are with your content? So many comments and then people comment and like each others comments. You are someone people connect with. You are one of my favorite parts of YT. Now when my 14 year old son opens his windows in winter I say "NO more lüften!" We laugh so much! You are special, Uyen (and German Boyfriend too).

When you talked about your feelings around kids I almost started to cry. That's so sweet and wonderful that you feel relieved about it now.

Thank you so much for talking about this! I grew up in the US but my family emigrated from rural China. No education, only superstition. I had my legs bound tight when I was young to keep them attractive for my future husband. I used to cry so much and was beaten/starved constantly for not being born a male. My birth mother ultimately hated me, even to the point of hurting me for fun. (Father was fed up and absent.) Unfortunately for her, female infanticide is illegal in the US so I was left with my grandparents. I never get to hear this narrative from East Asian Americans, since most of their parents are educated and came with student visas.

I am german myself and never really appreciated some of the things you’ve mentioned here. Thank you for making me more grateful of these and it’s an honor you live in our country :)

Even as a white westerner male from Australia, living in Frankfurt for two years taught me a LOT about independance that I hadn't even considered growing up in Australia... Germany is actually a pretty tough country in some ways. Be you male or female, you're just expected to get shit done without much (or any) help. I still, to this day, absolutely cannot thank my German friends enough for reaching out to me from time to time to help me with certain things while integrating into living and working in Germany.

Thank you for sharing your life experiences. You didn’t talk too much. I’m so glad you are happy with yourself at your age. ❤ You’re definitely not fat and you’re very beautiful. Your personality really shows through as well and you just seem to be so balanced. 😊

As much as I delight in your zany, spontaneous skits with and without German boyfriend, this felt real and heart-to-heart, observant and philosophical, and I loved it! Thank you for your openness!

Kudos to your mom for trying to shake off what she'd been taught as a child, so that you could have a better life. She was repeating the lessons her mother said, but inside she must not have truly believed them. I'm also really impressed with how well you speak English. Being trilingual is quite an accomplisment.

As a Filipina living abroad, you are correct when you say the beauty standards for SE Asian woman is to be as pale skinned and as small as possible. Normal topic of conversation is about how fat somebody is. My impression of Vietnamese women: don't mess with them. Vietnamese women are tough and hard working.

I’m impressed your Mom supported your education! Way to go!

Thank you for broading my knowledge over other cultures in a more genuine way than documentaries. The part with ur mum supporting u while still remaining "trapped" in traditions brought tears to my eyes.

OMG as an Indonesian, I never heard about childfree life, growing up here, I didn't even know that even a choice! and I'm so glad I know this earlier in life, that I didn't ended up making a wrong decision.. Thank you for talking about this Uyen!

As an Armenian (West Asias/ East Europe), I can really relate to what you were telling about your childhood in Vietnam. I remember once going for a vacation to the lake. While the men were having fun,swimming, and eating. Women were not allowed to swim to not show any skin (even the little girl) and were either cooking, washing the dishes, or poaring drinks to the men.

I'm so glad I came across your channel. I love how you were courageous enough to leave your homeland and strike out on a new adventure in such a very different culture. Thanks for being so authentic in what you share. No wonder you have so many subscribers! ❤

Just seen this. I am a huge fan Uyen❤ What has pulled at my heart strings is that so many women in the comments are finding solidarity in your wisdom. You really are rather special in this world!! Keep being YOU! We all love you

Hi Uyen! Thank you so much for this video. I want to express my deepest respect to you. I´m German (male, 38), don't have kids yet, but should I have a daughter one day, I´ll show her your video. I´m happy you're here in Germany, also I feel like your homeland is missing out on you. The world needs people like you - wherever that might happen. May you feel loved for the rest of your live. You're a flower.

Its really hard to move to a completely new country at the age of 24! You are a really brave and strong lady, hope you get everything you wish and work hard for

Uyen, i've been watching your shorts a lot, but this video suddenly popped up on my feed and it's just.. so ridiculoulsy relatable that it's kind of sad.. i hoped these things did not happen in other countries.. this video reminds me that these kinds of 'traditional thoughts' or sexism is still existing in many countries including my country(south korea), and yours(vietnam) and that we still have a long way to go... But i'm glad that i had opportunity to live outside korea and be exposed to other cultures which were less sexist, when i was younger. I've learned that women and men are equally worthy, and that i dont have to meet all those crazy strict beauty standards, and i can be independent and i dont have to wear makeup if i dont want to. Ppl did not comment about my outfit or my body, didnt even care about my age (which is unusual in korea), except for when they wanted to compliment about my nice outfit/hair. I grew up in the middle of city of korea, and beauty standards toward women are still so so strict. You cannot weigh over 50kgs(no matter your height), or else you are fat. You are ugly if you don't wear makeup, and your skin tone is too dark and unattractive if you are not as pale as ceramic. I feel sorry for girls who were forced to follow these ridiculous beauty standards and became to hate their own body. Because i can easily imagine myself hating my body, hadnt i been able to explore other cultures. Anyways, thank you for sharing your experience so frankly, and I could deeply resonate with those.😊

I love how open you are. Even though I’m not Korean I can definitely relate. Im happy you found yourself in Germany. Having someone that accepts and loves you no matter what definitely makes a difference.

Raised by a traditional Asian family living in a metropolitan I feel like you are describing my childhood when you talk about your experience as a woman in Vietnam. The family gathering scene that you described was spot on. My mother always had to cook and clean for everyone, and the daughters (yes no son too) would have to help. Similar to your experience, my mother would always complain about how I couldn't be a good wife while telling me to study. In the end, I did my PhD in Germany and am still single at 30, and it felt liberating in Germany to be free from any societal pressures that we have to endure in Asia. Thank you for telling your story so nicely. Love your content :)

Your mom was wise to make sure you get education! She maybe couldn’t express her thoughts on girls’ education loudly, but the fact that she made everything in her power to let you study… ❤ bless loving parents

This was a beautiful video. Thank you for sharing what your experiences growing up in Vietnam were like. I love that your mother made sure you had what she could not have: your education. What a wonderful woman she is.

As a young girl who was grown up in Nepal, every part of your story is soo very much relatable to me . Regardless of the traditional norms of the society my parents made sure to educate all of their children and make us capable to have a strong career. Tears rolled down my face watching this video.

I'm from the U.S. and my mom (raised in a very poor, uneducated part of the country) asked me if I really wanted to be an architect since that was a predominantly male profession. I was SO ANGRY with her for even asking that question to me and this was the late 1980's, not the 1950's. I'm so happy for you Uyen that you are seeing different cultures that support women's rights, but I'm sad that it took leaving your home country. You are a wonderful content creator on RU-vid and the number of subscribers shows it. Keep going! We are all here to support your talent. Love from San Diego, California.

What she just described matches completely with my 18 years of being born and staying in India. And now that I am in America, I can see how much of a difference there is between east and west. ❤

Hey, I just wanted to say: You are really pretty and I enjoy listening to your voice a lot! I'm a young girl from Hamburg, Germany and I'm trying to find my way in this society as the feminist I am. This video is really interesting and it makes me appreciate the things I always took for granted in my life (e.g. going outside without makeup is the norm for everyone I know, a fashion style is great but not needed, women are respected and sit at the same level as men when eating together) You're inspiring 🫶🏻

When you mentioned about your mom and you have to sit there and wash dishes, it brought me back to my experience see all the girls when I visit an aunt and uncle house in my family hometown it boiled my gut so I stood out to help them clean the dishes but was dragged out by all the men there. I hate it so bad because at that time I just got back from studying abroad and just visiting relatives.

You are wonderful Uyen! Despite your struggles you remain empathetic. And you bring joy and laughter to so many people. You should never have experienced body shaming or sexism but it is inspiring how candidly and empathically you talk about it. You bring good change to the world. 💚

Not to get too serious, but your perspective is so valuable. We in the west hear a lot about issues in less-developed countries (or less developed areas) but rarely from the people who actually come from these places, and can approach the subject with both honesty and nuance. I came to your channel for your humor, but I'm staying for everything I can learn.

I just got back from Vietnam, and I wanted to learn more about your culture, I didn't know how. Browsing through RU-vid, I found your interesting channel, and wowww, I am in love. Thanks for sharing your personal journey!!

Here in the Philippines, comments about the way you look(especially your skin color or figure) is a form of greeting. You cannot hear someone say "How are you?" during family gatherings. It is usually "You're gaining weight" or "you're becoming dark" you hear especially from older relatives

It is so refreshing seeing a woman on YT being herself, dressing the way she feels comfortable and not wearing makeup. You are beautiful being natural ❤

I admire you more in this video. I can totally relate! I am a 53-yr old Filipino mom of a 22-yr old Filipino American girl. I learned so much from her everyday. Every time she reasons w/ me, she reminds me that she’s not disrespectful. Instead, she tells me, I sent her to school not to be timid & not to be just be submissive, but to learn how to fight for her rights! It’s not because it’s a part of a culture & tradition, & being done for generations, though wrong, is still right to continue! Christopher Hitchens sort of said, educate women & you will eliminate poverty…! Kudos to your mom for being such a strong woman, raising strong women, in spite of the odds!

This is so funny. I am born in Denmark about 50 years ago and my first experience with the culture you describe from Vietnam about a woman's job being raising kids I only experienced personally once and it was in Germany! When I was 18 I worked in the South of Germany in a factory. One of my colleagues, a young German guy, asked about my future plans and I said I wanted to study science a the University. He did not seem to understand why I wanted to do that but he just said "I guess it doesn't really matter, you won't use it much anyway" meaning once I had kids I'd stop working. I was so chocked, nobody even old people in my rural community ever talked like that! Things are changing, everywhere :)

Brought a little tear to my eye. Thank you so much for sharing.