Though I'm not particularly famous, I have noticed a number of changes in how people treat me since my channel became popular nearly a year ago. And these changes have overwhelmingly been positive: many men and women now go out of their way to show their appreciation and respect. However, this has taken some getting used to, since -- as I explain in this episode -- this is the first time in my adult life that people I don't know have shown me kindness. Ultimately, I conclude that being famous is like being a woman. Pre-order my book: amzn.to/3UlsTsY Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Subscribe to my newsletter: oriontarabanpsyd.com Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-WrXBzQ2HDEQ.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: ru-vid.com/show-UCSduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #success #selfimprovement
@psychacks I went through a much, much smaller but somewhat similar process to what you describe. I left a 10 year relationship that started in college. I remembered how hard dating was as a young, broke, man. How women treated me, how everyone disrespected and dismissed me. As I was getting ready to rejoin the dating world, I expected more of the same. Great was my surprise when I found out that achiving the top of your profession, making great money in a respectable job, having your finances under control, and showing more self assurance would drastically change my dating experience. I was the same person fundamentally, but now I had women chasing me and aggressively pursuing me. That really irked me. It dawned on me just how terribly I had been treated back when I had no money nor visible status. I had just assumed it was normal and when women complained about how tough they had it, I guess I had been projecting my own difficult experience to them. It's only after dating several gorgeous, young women, that I got a real glimpse at just how easy their lives really are. And they are completely obvious to this priviledge - convinced that they have it bad The contrast and particularly, the lack of awareness for the experience of the other 50% of the population was .... infuriating. Young men have it tough, and it's tougher still to swallow the reality that it's only by providing visible value that such treatment improves to be a fraction of what almost all women get, just for existing. All the while they complain about how oppressed they are and how difficult their lives are.
I can’t begin to overemphasize how hard it is to try and live up to women’s increasingly high expectations nowadays! Despite being over 6’ tall, college educated & emotionally articulate, women just seem to think that they deserve more & are indignant when men just inevitably don’t meet the men of their expectations! I can tell you all from personal experience that when you DO NOT give women unearned attention(as I have done ..for years now) they simply find a guy who will. And…there are simply plenty of men who will. So the question to Orion is what’s the point? It seems women hold all the cards as men will do whatever they have to, to attract a woman in the current dating market.
Years ago my buddy and I were doing an independent film (just for fun) and I needed a haircut as my hair was super long. We went to a barber shop and decided to somehow incorporate the haircut into the film so he was walking around filming me while I was getting my haircut. When I got up to leave this attractive, older blonde woman came up and introduced herself to me and her eyes were just lit up. She actually thought I was someone important enough to have a camera man follow me around and she just had to make sure I shook her hand. It was so strange that it took me a minute to process. Never before or since in my life has a strange woman come up to introduce herself to me like that. It honestly made me lose a lot of respect for women to see how blatantly one of them will star chase. I think a shocking amount of men don't realize their one and only would leave them in a heartbeat to go bang a celebrity on a 'girls' trip'.
You have a lot of great content, some I would say is even life changing. But this ranks up there with your video on why men get married and the difference between how men and women are loyal. I've shared some of your content with some of the women in my life with very positive results. It also helped me understand the man versus bear conversations women have been having lately.
I once appeared on a panel with some famous people. Before I appeared on stage, I sat in the audience and everybody in the room ignored me.Afterwards, multiple very attractive women came up to me and hit on me. I wasn't even famous - they thought I was, and that was enough.
@@elchucapablas Well, even a balloon only can arise and stick its nose up in the air, when filled with hot air and eventually heading empty-handed towards the horizon … 😆
I immediately remembered once in college while sitting next to this objectively mid chick in the lecture hall, got a glance at her messaging app on her phone and there were 568 unread chats. I asked why she doesn't open and respond, she answered they were mostly stubborn men she wasn't interested in, and she didn't have the time to converse with all of them. At that time the most chats that could typically be active on my phone were 5, 3 of which were group chats, and 2 from someone asking for a favour.
Scarcity and Exclusivity often determine value.....essentially, theres not alot of "it" and i'm the only one with "it".....its why commodities trade well....they are limited resources that are always in demand. Those 568 msgs were like 568 granules of sand on a very large beach.....they hold almost no value other than to add to the already existing and seemingly infinite swaths of sand. I remember a time when men were selective and there were subsets of women who got no attention and were therefore very grateful when they did get some. The power to create that environment rests with men as we can (and should) control that commodity which is our attention (time, resources, etc). Social Media is largely to blame as it has honestly made us all lazy and drove us further apart despite being more "connected" than ever.
oh yeah I learned this the hard way. Was 'talking' (or so I thought) to a girl for about two months. There was something wrong with my phone one day, so I texted her to test something, and when she received my text, I looked over and noticed she hadn't saved my number into her phone. Not only that, my unsaved number was in a group of about a dozen other unsaved numbers lol... that's when I knew I wasn't sh!t to her and called it off.
If the attention is appropriate, and it isn't appreciated, that's just bad manners. I happen to have been born with genes that have blessed me with really beautiful hair. People have noticed and complimented me on it since I was a toddler -- thousands of times. Perfect strangers have reached out to touch it (unnerving). The one thing I've learned to do is for every compliment I receive, is to say: 'Thank you, how sweet of you to say that!" to every single person, like I'm hearing that compliment for the first time in my life. And that's because it's the first time THAT PERSON has said it to me, and I hope that my appreciation for their compliment will encourage them to keep complimenting others, and we'll all just become a whole lot nicer to each other. So please don't stop giving women -- or anyone -- your kind attention. You could be 'educating' someone else on how to 'do it right.' Blessings!
@@John3v8 Such great advice. I'm a man with long nice hair and I'm regularly complemented for it, in fact I was just complemented by a nice older woman at the store today. Big smile and say exactly what you said, "Thank you, how sweet of you to say that." I usually try to fire back a complement too. It takes courage to complement someone, to reach out vulnerably in that way. And yea the total strangers who try to pet my head...unnerving. There is a definite line between complements and creepiness.
@@thebestbaseballguy . Thank you for your note, and I totally agree that it can take courage to give compliments, but what a great 'muscle' to build, right? We become stronger when we build others up -- without quid pro quo expectation.
Just yesterday i had a girl (7/10) over at my house and while we were chatting she complained that she had like 100 unread messages on her phone. Im sure most were thirsty guys trying to shoot their shot. I told her to enjoy the fact that people want to talk to her because most men can go days or weeks with only 1 or 2 messages. Also the big difference between the messages is girls get messaged asking if the guy can do a favor for them like buying them dinner or help them fix their car. For guys, we get messaged asking if we can do a favor for someone else like help them move or lend them money.
True. It’s time that men as a whole decided not to freely give out our ‘essence’ because it’s what greatly devalued male SMV. Essence being attention, support, resources etc. Don’t give out your energy if you ain’t gon get nothing back. If all men did this women would stop taking men for granted
Reminds me of a conversation I had with a woman, whom we were strictly platonic, but she was giving me advice on getting a girlfriend (give her credit, she was trying). "[Go after what you want, for example] when I want to hook-up I just go on Tinder." I was polite, but in my head I was a bit appalled on how she seems to think hooking up on Tinder is equal for men & women.
@Tgogators wow haha I think this is why girls hate F-boys so much. They talk about them like they are everywhere, and every guy can be one because they think sex for guys is just as easy to get as it is for them. For girls being more empathic than men, they really have a hard time seeing the world from our point of view.
I totally agree with Dr. Taraban - stop giving these women free attention. We have helped create this problem with modern women today. Stop simping because she's not going to screw you.
What is the difference between approaching women though and simping? If we stop giving women any attention 1. We will go extinct and 2. You definitely won't get to screw
@@MiguelOliveira-wz4ju Actually Miguel, it's the opposite of what you think. They really need you more than you need them. Think about it. All of the meaningful advances in civilization have been done, predominantly, by men. For a man, a woman is a nice luxury to have, but she is not a necessity. Remember men want to be needed and women need to be wanted.
True. It’s time that men as a whole decided not to freely give out our ‘essence’ because it’s what greatly devalued male SMV. Essence being attention, support, resources etc. Don’t give out your energy if you ain’t gon get nothing back. If all men did this women would stop taking men for granted
Women are born with their value, Men must build their value. This inherent bias in humans comes from women’s ability to give birth. Men don’t have this ability, therefore they must externally seek materials and value in order to gain basic human respect and consideration. I’m not famous, but an attractive and wealthy man, and I’ve made the same observation; Life for the average man is hard and it sucks.
Even if you are average you can increase your value fast by improving your physic and your intellect and making money and more.... , in my experience the worst thing I have seen the last 10 years is simp pandemic if attention return to it's value lot of things would in sexual dynamic between men and women.
@@louniis Physical attractiveness matters for sure, but as a woman getting an attractive man to sleep with you is easy. Increasingly women are demanding more resources from their male counterparts, demands that the average man simply won’t be able to match on a wide-scale. Men improving their physics will for sure be beneficial to themselves and for some increase their chances of getting laid. But that’s about it, it won’t fix the problem on a wide scale. When men and women become equals, most women view most men as undesirable and unfit for sexual reproduction.
I think it´s less about capability of giving birth, but more about the unnecessarily high amounts of testosterone which somehow did not decrease during evolution. An overwhelming majority of men cannot control/manage the impacts of high testosterone and degrade themselves in the sexual marketplace. As a result, all men suffer collectively.
I don't get that. Why is "giving birth" more valuable than "getting women pregnant"? Look at fatherless stats, arguably, a father is more important than a mother in raising functional kids to adulthood.
They are born with value beause that value is perceived by us (men). We give them that. Too bad most mem (90% or more) will never stop giving women that kind of attention, it´s unfixable.
Maybe we can take it a step further. Besides stopping the constant compliments on women's looks, men should compliment a woman's character. This would train women to be kinder and less shallow.
It's your own fault as a man when a woman shows you kindness you treat her badly and say she is boring... so you better shut up and deal with the bitches you love to praise
100% I do this, I usually give respect to women who are empathetic, treat others well and fairly. This could mean offering to treat a guy out on a date in the very beginning or being generous with giving their man gifts.
Stand up on a stage - it doesn't matter what you do or how you look- act, play guitar, read poetry, tell jokes etc. women will be into you. It's all a matter of self-confidence.
Haha I was literally talking to my ex about this very thing about 30 minutes ago, just before the video was posted. She was trying to tell me it's all in my head and men get the same too, after she received an anonymous gift. I told her it really isn't and that shit doesn't happen for us unless we become 'famous'...but in her usual narrow-minded female perspective she just couldn't compute it and refused to acknowledge I was right. As usual.
@@TwoDogsBigYard No. How is keeping on point and acknowledging how women are "changing tide flow"? If ani, you're the one trying to "change the flow" by trying to deflect into men.
I recently started working as an airline pilot after I began flight training 6 years ago. Going from an invisible young guy to a public, rather prestigious figure, was an interesting experience. Suddenly I was not invisible anymore and people treated me with respect. And of course a lot of stares from women in all ages. I thought exactly that this must be like being a woman. It is flattering, it is ego boosting, and you quickly get used to it. I try to enjoy it without identifying too much with my new identity, because I know how painful it can be, if it is suddenly taken away from you. And it is "only" a job, it is not the core of who I am as a person.
I recently became much better looking over the last year and a half and experience the same shift in treatment. I can’t enjoy it at all. I’m incredibly resentful knowing women have had the ability to treat me with such kindness and respect this entire time, yet my kindness and respect was not what merited it in return
And to clarify, I don’t believe unattractive men are entitled to women flirting with them. It’s the lack of basic dignity and respect unattractive men are treated with that enrages me
@@PepsiFuture I totally get you. The female stare is essentially opportunistic, imagining how having you will benefit her overall life, in terms of status, financial ability, lifestyle, emotions etc. Knowing how indifferent the same woman would highly likely be towards you, given different circumstances, makes you view female interest in a different light. Yes, I know exactly why they are attracted to me, but it has nothing to do with my person. I grew up naive, but got disappointed badly. When you realize that male-female relationships are nothing but a trade, you start to take your romantic ideals elsewhere. For example, I find a lot more true love among my fellow men. Friend/work relationships, etc.
As a woman i understand men are lonely. I make a point of uplifting and validating my man every single day. I want him to know how special he is to me and how amazing i think he is !!
That’s because men treat women far better than they treat men. That makes men the problem. Why would women be entitled to better treatment? Women treat both sexes relatively equally, men can’t do it
I just said something like this a few weeks ago. "Child star" syndrome is basically something every woman in the west experiences right now. They're not told they're wrong about anything, everyone gives them whatever they want, and nothing is ever good enough. The same applies to men born rich or who become celebrities though.
Aka princess syndrome. They probably never had a father in the home to say no to them so when it happens thier brain dosent know how to comprehend that so they freak out and say your a mysoginst when in reality they are the problem. Fing narcassistic selfish delusional predators
@@paulds65 i don't mean literally. I mean male chads, male "hotties", you know, the physically most attractive, less then ~5%ers of men, the tall & handsome ones. The little male group even woman turn their heads for. The men most woman swipe right and bounce in the first night without any other investment from the male side..
50 cent said he became a bad b*tch after he became famous, he literally had to run away after a show to make sure he is alone in his hotel room. Countless offers from beautiful women pouring in to get a piece of him.
A good mantra is “Pretty gets a pause not a free pass” Meaning, stop & think about how many boundaries you’re about to bust wide open for her just based on her beauty. I aim to not treat the gorgeous any differently than the homely at first because I’m plenty aware of how beauty can cast a stupefying spell on most of us.
@@BlackGypsyMusic You know exactly what I mean then... arguably we had the best job. Famous for 20 minutes after we walk off stage,and then back to blessed anonymity..!
I used to be a male model before social media was a big thing, I didn't get to be famous but I did get a substantial internet following for the time.. You wouldn't imagine how easy it was to get girls, they would come from out of state and show up on my doorstep.. Good times
Who knows, if he was someone trying to get people to listen to him in a crowded bar and no one was paying attention, maybe you wouldn't. That's his point.
This is a horrible topic. How is being a woman equivalent to being a celebrity? Are men seriously this desperate for women? No wonder women look down on men
@@nivh Yes, but it's not sad; it's just reality, and it's nobody's fault. Sadness appears when you don't understand what life is like and you see the things you don't understand as injustice.
This used to only happen to attractive women. Now with social media even average and unattractive women are getting this royal treatment. As a man you need to make yourself as valuable as possible and then treat all these women like you aren’t impressed with them at all.
That should be the case by default, because majority truly aren't. But on the flip side, men will push the envelope to get sex..in many cases, by most means neccessary. How do you tame men's thirst for sex in this social climate is the element that needs focus/attention.Cant trust women to govern social stipulations in getting access to it so youll have to find a cost that so high where it deters men, or harsh social structures that penalizes men for doing it. The outcome of divorce or having baby mommas isnt enough to deter/scare men I guess. Its tough because its mens natural proclivity to want it. It takes a strong/wise/compentent man to keep that under wraps.
Yes, I agree. I think all women know that, but sometimes they just go along with it to see where it goes. Sometimes, some women can take advantage of it too. But wise women turn it down with a gracious smile
I don't entirely disagree. But I did change the alternator of a woman I dated out of pure kindness; and on another relationship, I gave a woman a generous gift that I knew she dreamed about days after the relationship ended (and we never had any contact after that). Her reaction when she opened the package is one of the greatest memories that I hold from that relationship. I was very happy to make her that gift, because she had on other occasions showed great kindness too. I think it is very dangerous to not believe in kindness, for mental health. I can't imagine what it is to genuinely believe that everybody that approaches you is self-interested. But I recognize that it is important to be wise and cautious.
I have famous male friends and their dating life and level of attention is very similar to the most attractive women in Los Angeles. It's more valuable than being a low key billionaire in terms of pure dating market value.
that’s because they don’t know them personally. it all changes when it gets personal. then they’ll get pissy when it’s someone in their real life not reciprocating their “investment”
It's hard to believe, but a lot of guys think they could date the women they see online. It's not as delusional as women's entitlement, but simping is like a psychotic episode.
I think there is a piece missing here. For a lot of socially aware women, we don’t see these offers from men as something we’re entitled to. We actually see it at something that is only offered because they want something from us and we have to eventually give or do something back in return. And in all honesty that can be a very scary position to be in because some of these offers come out of no where and threaten our sense of safety because again we feel pressure to 1 decide and 2 come out of the interaction safely. Even if it’s a man we find attractive we still don’t know him and have the fear of trusting his intentions. So yeah most women don’t see men offering us things as a completely positive and validating thing.
Interesting observation and a really great point. This phenomenon happened to me also back when I served in the Navy. I was at New York during fleet week wearing my dress whites and my God, the amount of attention and admiration we received was incredible. People were asking for photos taken, when we dined out to eat, people offered to pay for our meals, even a kid asked for my autograph! I really felt like a rock star during that week. It was surreal.
I'm a bartender at a restaurant and I can pretty much expect at least once a week some guy offering to pay for the drinks and meals of the girls at the bar just because of how they look. 80% of the time the guy never even walks up and talks to them
As a man, I was given flowers two times in my life. It did come as a shock. I still remember those two GFs and much more... the circumstances, the time of the day, the weather, the season etc.
I do remember going to bars and clubbing sometimes, and often, with a few female friends. A scenario that was good enough on both sides to enhance our status. You get me here I do remember vividly, after this great video, that my attitude as a man was low key ‘till I was able to mingle or possibly prowl. Sometimes, when I/ we were away from the girls we would reconcile halfway through the evening. If they hadn’t had enough attention they would moan aloud that no one was approaching them to the least buy them a drink. These were pivotal moments in my development and that’s why I don’t buy a drink. These videos are so good because they actually break down the evolutionary process that allows for many men to lower their standards. Keep it up.
For real Doc. You are a hero among men. We sincerely thank you. If I caught you on the street, I'd definitely want to buy you something. Really appreciate the content. 🔥🔥🔥
At least you’re not delusional. A lot of men seem to think ignoring women will send them flocking to you or that they care. They mostly don’t there are more than enough simps. I will give them attention at the bar or club but in that situation I’m trying to be social and talk to everyone..
@@mellowman1020 The key for me is to stay busy. Each bad relationship I have, I add another sport to my life. Currently, I am dirt biking, mountain biking, paragliding, have an adventure bike, kayaking, and now I am learning to efoil. All these sports are mostly solo sports, so I have nobody that I can blame and take all the credit. Stay busy my brothers
@@SteveHofsaess Me to brother. I work 2 jobs and study , plus I like to play billiards and go gym, ride my motorbike or spend time with my dog or save for a holiday. Im always busy. Im not closed off to a relationship but I like to work on myself , same as you.
Wow, as a former musician, I can tell you first hand you're absolutely right, although I'd never thought of it the way you explained it. That was cool. The slightest idea or just a wisp of notoriety and females gravitate quickly and easily towards it's source, like cattle to the trough. 😎🇺🇸. Great show. Peace bro.
I've seen guys try to explain this concept on reddit. Women are playing on easy mode. People get so pissy and just call them an "incel" yet they never have a legitimate counter argument. What's totally mind numbing is they don't even seem to realize that they don't have an argument and went straight to name calling and how that makes them look lol.
I've been lucky to experience a "local fame" twice. Once in my research career where I would clean up as a 8 or 9 grabbing the eyes of the ladies at local business functions going to hear me speak. The second time was as I got older and really invested in tennis and pilates. I became crazy fit. Women who played in my drill classes or saw me often asked to "hit a few after hours". The problem was that outside of those two very special situations, I would suddenly drop from 8 or maybe 9 to suddenly 5-6. I couldn't walk around with a statistics book or a Babolat tennis racquet at all times. I think this "local fame" is more within everyone's grasp. The top local darts player, best frisbee golfer, the guy pacing the local jogging club. Everyone has a shot at "famous" enough to meet a cute woman.
thank you for what you do, i wouldnt say its the same as women, i genuinely think youre doing a fantastic good for the world. many men today dont have space to talk to close friends even if they even have any
I remember in the early 2000s getting essentially VIP access to a couple of record artists’ music video production sets and after parties. I was brand new to that meeting famous people thing, so I made the mistake of temporarily leaving the a conversation with one of the stars during a break to get something from my car in plain view of throngs of their female fans. I got accosted by about a dozen of their fans to get them an autograph. The were feral almost. I told them I was just a normal dude with a regular job and zero influence in getting them a sandwich, let alone an autograph. They said, bullshit, you’re in there and we’re out here, and we saw you talking and laughing with him. Luckily someone had the good sense to send one of their security people after me and the star actually did autographs sometime later. Those girls were right. Not a dime came out of my pocket that entire weekend. I was just offered stuff and catered to because I was with the entourage, nothing more. I enjoyed it because it was understandably temporary. Had it been normalized, I think I too may have become expectant of it. Great video.
Dr Orion I’m not surprised but continually amazed by your ability to string together in 10-12 minutes such great content and analogies and present A LOT of information and wisdom in such a concise way. Men respect logic and competence. And you have both and the manner in which you communicate your information separates you from a lot of redpill stuff out there. It’s very unique and different and genuinely helpful and even more importantly…it helps women understand men in a way that is very different from most red pill content out there. Most of the red pill stuff is automatically rejected by women because of how it is presented. But you present information very differently. I watch and rewatch your videos and constantly learn something new. Thank you
I was thinking about this the other day. We as men have set our expectations so low with women that it messes it up for every other guy. By having hugher standards and checking bad behavior, women would not be so entitled.
Thanks for your common sense. I’m so tired of men continually complaining about women “having power” when they’re the ones handing it to them by begging for chances with them over and over. No wonder men are so despised nowadays
You articulated something in this video so well, which I've been trying to articulate for the past several months, that I don't know how else to express my appreciation other than with a small monetary thanks.
Bro im sorry but in none of this interactions this guy was scared of any of these people wanting to stick their penis inside of him, none in this interaction meant you where in danger for accepting anything, and there was no possibility of you being judge by society if you accept , and you had no worries either of being used and tossed when no longer in need. So yeah, once you understand the pain of being born in a gender who have being in disadvantage and abuse and only use for our uterus since the beginning of humanity, only then you won’t see any harm in behaving like a gentleman
I was a mildly successful standup comedian in my mid-twenties. Ppl used to recognize me in the streets and women used to pursue me to no end. Needless to say, that was the easiest time for me to get laid. Man, I miss the good old days!
My sis in law is a practicing psychologist, private practice, treating/helping a host of damaged and crazies.. Psychologists at this professional level have to undergo a psychological 'review' every so often to determine that they are objectively still on the ball. Nice to see our host here doing this self introspection. Validation must be reinforced over and over for many or their egos may begin to question if it is still special. 'Nough said.
@@Chris-es3wfMost likely. Every female that I've met that works in metal health in some capacity ALL have the crazy eyes. Every. Fuqing. One. The reason they're in that line of work is so they can effectively deflect and misguide people into believing they're not so they can get away with their manipulations and schemes.
@@marktapley7571 True enough and some folks are so F'd up and self medicating they don't have enough time left in their lives to ever get straightened out. She came across a multiple personality once, patient: "Shall 'WE' tell her?" Said it made the small hairs on the back of her neck stand up.
Astute observation Dr Orion! I have gained so much from your videos. Appreciate all you do. Your observations give credence to the phrase “Women are born with value whilst men have to create theirs”
I reckon you conflate being famous with being useful to many people. A tree with good, plentiful fruit is the talk of the town to many animals but understand that the tree itself is of no value, people come to you for the fruit. Once the fruit is gone, your value is gone. Once beauty and fame fades, the absence of admiration will feel like bitter betrayal. Ask the super models of the 90s
I became famous once in my community through organizing events, and let me tell you the results weren't exactly what I expected. At first, it was super flattering that everyone knew my name and recognized me, and those I hadn't met yet would come up to me and say, "Are you so and so?" It felt great, especially because I felt so unseen, invisible. I genuinely enjoyed making people happy through these events and giving to the community. However, later I realized that most people just enjoyed benefitting from my events, getting what they needed, without ever giving much back. Although I was really popular, I didn't actually develop deeper, better friendships-just more superficial ones-and I still had to put in effort in dating, except now I had to be way more cautious because I had a public reputation to uphold. So fame in the beginning seems so exciting and promising, but in the end I felt it wasn't all that it's cracked up to be, and at a small scale I finally understood how famous people feel about the superficiality of it all.
I'm sorry, but I don't feel like I deserve attention or favors. If a random stranger offers me something, I assume it's in hope for a sexual experience, which I think is predatory. I don't exist to give people sexual experiences. I'm more than that.
A very keen insight. Despite its many flaws, one of the positive aspects of YT is that it has allowed some individuals to gain notoriety for contributing positively to the well being of others (of course it has also done the exact opposite, allowing fraud and hucksters to proliferate). You are certainly one of the former, however, and your 15 minutes is well deserved. Keep up the good work!
Hi and Thank you Dr Taraban! I have several comments: 1. Even if most men stop giving women unearned attention, there will still be some men that do, and those will have strong advantages over the rest of us in the dating market place. I could go into more details and examples on this if you'd like. 2. I agree with you regarding women that get a lot of unearned attention feeling like they are entitled to it. We can see this as one of the strong reasons that ageing is psychologically so much more difficult for many women than it is for most men; they stop getting the unearned attention and "pretty privilege" that they think is part of basic human decency. 3. Regarding being visibly competent: I try to be humble in most ways. I believe it is better in the long run to be around people that will treat me well without them necessarily knowing or caring what I'm good or not good at, and also that it's better in terms of human relations when all parties are humble. However, I do agree that is a disadvantage in the dating market to be humble, especially in the early stages when a women doesn't even know the man yet. Humble men are almost always "friend-zoned" early on, unless they are unusually good looking. 4. Finally and most importantly, I think that most young women can't tell the difference between a man being humble versus that man lacking confidence or lacking ability. Similarly, I believe that most young women can't tell the difference between deserved confidence versus ego or braggadocio, or sometimes even narcissism. It took me decades to figure this out, and I hope that soon research will demonstrate this somehow. It's so odd how sometimes a man can walk into a room, behave in an inappropriate attention-getting way, and seem like an incompetent clown to most men in the room, while at the same time appearing to be a confident, assertive, and charismatic man to most of the young women in the same room.
While being famous certainly can make you high value, it also makes you a high value target. Once you get a lot of visibility , you get more jealous people trying to take you down or praying on your downfall. You get more women trying to use you , or make false allegation to milk some cash. For me , I'd rather not have that kind of visibility, especially that I earn in the mid-high 6 figures. I don't need that type of fame. I enjoy your content though and salute you .
This absolutely makes total sense. I found myself living part of my life on Facebook and Twitter years ago. Photos, comments, praising beautiful women as of they had done something miraculous by being beautiful. In 2021 I fired FB and I only have instagram which I use only for my personal connection to old friends. I see these girls posting photos daily on instagram but it’s nothing like FB which to me is toxic. Some are beautiful but know when I see this I think; this girl has extremely low self esteem to the point that she needs this attention daily. There is probably a word for this but I don’t know it. I truly believe this is the matrix and these likes and comments from strangers that she will never meet is needed to at this point to secure her position in life or actually in the matrix. I see it as sad and it actually sucks for a single guy because she thinks she is worth millions when really she is still of average to slightly above average value to others. (Like how I put that in, haha)
I'm a guy, and I had a similar experience at work a few years ago. I work alone by myself in the middle of nowhere. I started taking pictures of my work and sharing them with my co-workers. I hadn't changed anything about what I do other than sharing pictures. I suddenly became kind of a rockstar around the office. Show that confidence and competence gentlemen!
On the "fame" thing, here's the reality of it for everyone. You don't find fame, fame finds you. No one knows the code to being famous. I feel like what's really being said here is "status" and for a man, it can have its benefits, and it's not as hard as many men think. Just find an area of interest that has a diversity of men & women in it: Like concerts? get into basic promoting..Like bike riding? Join a group, look into leading & organizing meet-ups..There are many opportunities. It's no accident that women tend to have mega crushes on their boss.
@@kavoshkhoshbin1432 But local attention is better than no attention, right? And who cares if people a hundred or a thousand miles away know of you, it's not like you're going to have close personal relationships with them anyway.
@@kavoshkhoshbin1432 I mean if you want to throw the “famous” label on it and/or go colossally down the philosophical hole, sure. Fame is usually understood as a having a mass following or being recognized for an action you did. I feel like many women would be attracted to a meet-ups organizer’s leadership skills and non-neediness, not so much if people want to take selfies with him when he’s out and about. Even in my examples, there's no guarantee those actions would get recognition, albeit the chances are greater than being a "famous" actor or "famous" pop singer.
I've always been unclear about the relationship between fame and women being attracted to it. Equating fame and hotness connects the dots. Appreciated.
I’m low key famous, and this is sooo true. What an awesome observation and comparison. I have also learned that if you treat the not “hot” people with a little extra dignity and extra respect, it goes a very long way in making their day. It is great gift to be able to give.
small correction: "being famous is like being an *attractive* women" not all women are attractive. and attractive women get less attractive as they age, some get less attractive when you know them better...
Around 5:05 I had to pause it. The general populace that has been blessed enough to catch a bit of your musings, are all better off. We will help others as well. You truly are doing the work of the people. Thank you kindly! Warmly and respectfully, unfeigned regards, R$ 🎯💯
I loved table tennis growing up and I used to have a quote, hot girls are like good table tennis players. And I told my friend that also plays table tennis and he went "Yes I've also thought that before, hot girls get followed like good table tennis players."
This has to be one of your top ten videos. We men are absolutely complicite in creating the delusional, entitled state of so many women today. And the advent of dating apps and social media have increased the usual feminine delusion by an order of magnitude.
Interesting but don’t think fame is like being a woman…. if you are a “hot” or accomplished woman many people go out of their way to humble, destroy or gain some sort of control over you. Whereas a super attractive or famous man is simply respected for his offerings and no one is really obsessed with debunking or discrediting men they just accept this guy is awesome!
Fascinating insights from Dr. Taban on the parallels between fame and attractiveness! 🌟 Understanding how visibility affects perception and self-worth is crucial in navigating today's social dynamics.
as a woman, i've worked hard with my diet, working out, hair, skin, clothing and mentally evolving... and it payed off; so personally I don't feel entitled when being approached 2-5 times a day- even being happily partnered I am flattered and I feel more encouraged to keep taking care of my appearance.
Honestly it depends on what makes your motivation increase. Most women do what you said for money, they expect that taking care of their appearance will increase their wage. Few women do it for attention or to feel good about themselves. They expect a proper amount of money if they reach a certain level of attractiveness. Otherwise they probably won't make all the effort as the ratio of time and money invested doesn't meet the expectations in terms of money gained. You can't invest more than you earn. A proper healthy relationship doesn't rely on your look only. For women, appearance is an asset to make more money with the pretty privilege. Career isn't your personal life.
Yeah that’s the delusion he’s talking about. Diet, exercise and make up isn’t hard work. The fact you get approached has more to do with that you’re a woman who hasn’t let herself go than because of all your “hard work”. Men go to the gym and still don’t get that attention. They have to become famous to get that same level you’re talking about which is 100x harder than going to the gym like millions of people do.
@@Ben-sp4tg it depends, for example I do not really wear makeup; and I barely exercise... but i'm privileged to not have to work therefore I can invest that time on myself... and it is really hard, try going without any form of sugars doing keto only, and eating only once a day/ and also having perfect skin and nice styled hair 24/7 it's not easy task... if a man puts that much effort into his appearance trust me he will get the attention, my boyfriend is to bodybuilding so i've seen it personally.
This has me cracking up! It’s so true. Putting drag pics on Grindr brought so much attention as a “girl” and so many people being so nice to me. It’s ridiculous to me. As a gay man you’re treated even worse as a man than you eluded to. So to me this is hilarious and there is some strange power behind this. I concur with your observations and assessment. Humans are such humans!
I think your point may apply to raising a young daughter, too. It will definitely help her to be a more mature person. On the other hand, if a young boy is raised with lots of empty compliments, he will have hard time becoming a mature person.
Actually studies show the exact opposite. Namely bc if the parents compliment the boys, the world balances it out. Whereas with women it's the opposite. Parents need to level set a young woman bc the world will shower her with undue praise.
What you are buying is TIME! When you buy a woman a drink, you want to buy her time to make a case that you are a guy she should spend more time with.. for whatever reason from friendship to seggs. It doesn’t really matter. When you’re famous, people want to give you free stuff initially for your time. If you went to get the free haircut, they would asked your questions, seeking advice or just would have spent time with you initially. Now, they could parlay that in a financial gain by you liking the haircut and hopefully you becoming a customer just when you buy that women a drink, you’re hoping you can parlay that time in seggs but it’s all about your time
