Of course. We’re more honest with people we can relate to. I’ve had some white people catch themselves when giving me a compliment. The pause let me know they were gonna say something about my race or skin color.
The phrase good hair is insulting because their judging you and what constitutes good or bad hair. And coming from anyone who doesn't share the same curl pattern, is offensive. Saying your so well spoken, is a slight because they project onto you a stereotype you never aligned with to begin with. Two different motivations, but the same outcome. To address it its imperative that the person is painfully aware what problem they are perpetuating. But low key, the op needs to toughen up. Because those passive aggressive racists/colorists are gonna come for her hard. They aint going nowhere. And letting folks trigger you is never a good look.
Some people will do it to humble you. I have all 4 curl patterns in my hair, and I refuse to let people use the nap word to refer to hair. I had a dark brown “friend” who had type 4A use that word with me. 🙄 I’m 100% sure she doesn’t use it anymore, as her daughter’s hair is just like mine.
Exactly 💯 Black people make comments like this without even blinking or even having critical thought about it. Before anyone else tries to blame white people... Black man have coveted white skin and were trading black women and girls in exchange to be slavs for white slaves. Before a white mn even set foot on to the continent in order to colonize.
In my experience as a women colorism and statements like this come from women much more than man even the backhand compliments maybe your experience as a dark skin woman is different
I’m the woman with the bucket hat and orange robe. Thank you for sharing this. It’s insane and just boiled my blood. Like people truly need to learn their lessons. Until then they’ll continue to do /say things. “If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it.” Zora Neale Hurston
People have a complex acknowledging Blackness as beautiful without insulting it at the same time. Its like you can't be pretty because you are Black, you are pretty in spite of being Black. On the opposite side, the woman who said that the person asked if she was mixed with something to be as pretty as she was. She is Black, but there has to be something else in her that makes her pretty. Man, Blackness is just hated so much all across the board.
I used t to get the must be mixed comment. I am. I would deliberately say I wasn't because it isnt why I'm pretty. Both the races I'm mixed with have overlap so my features are pure indigenous. It exposed how people look at First Nations people vs Indigenous Africans. One is like a mythical creature, the other an animal to them. Its gross, even among Natives. I also wear wigs a lot. People would just assume I "hated" my hair because of the texture when they had never seen my hair before. Then when I'd wear it out, they'd accuse me of using a texturizer. They would say I have "good hair." There were other people who would argue I was lying about my race because of that mythical view of Natives and especially on a black person. They'd argue me down....until they saw my hair. Very annoying. My hair could be due to nothing but Africa. My features could be all Africa. Why must someone else have credit. I'm proud of all my heritage, dont get me wrong. But I get defensive about being pulled into some exception category. Its gross
Everything you said. Why do we feel black people have to be mixed in order to be pretty? Black on it's own is beautiful. So mix black with another ethnicity is also going to be beautiful. Why do we feel black people can't grow hair? Most black people are not baldheaded. We have thick, voluminous hair. For a long time we believed these lies about ourselves, and I'm glad we're waking up from that.
I had to talk to my little sister about this. She didn’t want to go swimming, because she didn’t want to get darker. She’s a deep brown. She was teased about her skin tone. I told her, love, they’re just jealous of your sun kissed smooth beautiful skin. My little sister is absolutely gorgeous. My mum was a gorgeous deep brown colour, who literally could stop traffic. Every race/ethnicity was attracted to her. I had to warn off my high school friends, when my Mum came around 😂.
One of the things that I appreciate about listening to Indian, latina, chinese, Korean, or other minorities is that they talk about colorism very openly. In america, black women are Gaslight constantly about colorism.
I had a guy who had the audacity to ask for my number after he told me “I usually don’t talk to dark skin women.” If you don’t talk to dark skin women why the heck are you in my face you’re not gonna get time or energy here.
My great grandfather only played with my grandmothers children that had her fair completion, he refused to play with the one's who failed the 'paper bag test'. Growing up I remember the term 'black & ugly' being used as though the two words were one. Sad to say that in 2024 none of the men in my large extended family has married a dark skinned women.
Part of the problem is when dialogue is attempted dark skin women are gaslit and their experiences dismissed. To stop talking about it means to sweep it under the rug. Something the BC does best.
As a South African I agree with the beautiful South African lady who went to Starbucks. I always see South Africans explaining to Americans that black women are the preference in South Africa. What they leave out is that among us black women light skinned women are the actual preferences. They are praised but dark skinned women are treated with disrespect. They make it a point to let you know that they see you as undesirable. I used to be very dark skinned. I bleached and I hated it. I didn't even want to do it. I am brown skinned now. I am glad I stopped. I was crying while bleaching. I did the work and had to confront my own colorism. My sister believes that God helped her meet the right friend who eventually introduced her to bleaching products. She thanks God cause she says she was miserable as a dark skinned woman. She is light skinned now. Her and my other sister. I hope things change. I'm glad we are having these conversations.
I can relate to this alot. Im in my 30s, and Im a black american woman. I was born dark skin tone but due to the mistreatment I received my entire life, I lightened my skin 10 years ago to a brown tone shade. And just like you, I did not want to do it but the trauma of what I been thru gives me chills to even think about stopping. Looking back, it affected how people perceived me. I was treated harshly by people in public settings and in the workplace. I always had to overcompensate by being overly friendly and kind to people. I was miserable and never happy. And people took advantage of that and never respected me for it. Nomatter how hard I worked and professional I was, I was never seen as a professional more like the help. It was tough daily for me. Black american men and women (many not all) can indeed be colorist to dark women and I believe this is due to how other darkskin women may have treated them prior to meeting me. I am also tall, very deep dark skin and this look is considered masculine in the american black community. It was unbearable. I am in therapy and have been for years but that pain never goes away. I felt lesser than because of my dark skin. I knew that I could not live feeling miserable like that anymore. The truth is I felt having darkskin was making people treat me horribly. I did lighten my skin to a brown skin shade which is not lightskin and have absolutely no regrets about it. I dont reveal this to people at all tho. And I also live a private life one that i prefer to live anyways. I am healing and learning to accept my new look and heal from my past. Colorism is mentally draining and exhausting for some of us darkskin women. People do not know that I was born a darkskin woman unless I tell them. Maybe oneday I will stop and go back to being mistreated but mentally I am not ready go back to that.
@@TamaraMiller111 Thank you for sharing. 💕I understand what you mean by you felt having darkskin was making people treat you horribly. I truly believe that just like racism takes away our humanity in people's minds colorism is just the same. Just as bad. People feel they can treat you anyhow cause in their minds they only see your shade that they are discriminating against. I'm really sorry you went through all of that. I understand you when you say you feel no regrets. I am glad you are healing. Best wishes. 💕🤗
It’s always are own people. From skin to hair it’s always OUR people. I get the most compliments and the best work environment from other races not us. EVER
@@jazzyj904No You need to stop acting like it's not only black folks. It is Especially black men and especially dark skin. Black men for mixed race. Women who have self hating dark-skinned. Black father with unattractive white Mother's. As a divested BW (never dated bm) I've never had an issue with white men saying anything about my skin tone or hair.
Someone told my male friend who’s dark skin that he’s attractive because he has white facial features. That was one of the worst racist comments I’ve heard.
SMH that's awful! White people will scream stuff like "we can wear braids, we have curly hair too" and then act like a certain facial feature or eye call can ONLY be sourced from their crusty bloodline. @@leanysealvarado7499
She is pretty but i understand exactly what she is talking about and us as black people will do this shit to each other and as a dark skin lady I've heard this same statement lots of times from my lighter skinned family members.
It’s crazy. I wrote a poem just about this a few years ago and was just reading it over again last night. Don’t tell me I’m pretty I had to learn to love my lips Even through jokes that hurt like whips I had to find the beauty in my skin Beauty that I didn't see back then Learn to love the kinks in my hair Wear the afro that made them stare Block out the whispers That hurt like blisters As they said you're pretty but... “For a dark-skin girl..”and it stung like a cut A wound left open to heal Something for years I continued to feel So don’t tell me I’m pretty, but…. For a dark skin girl…
I remember hearing once that Christmas lights and flowers are both beautiful but they look nothing alike. I think I’ve always felt that way about people as well. I don’t understand the concept of only one type of beauty. You don’t have to resemble a certain trend or person to have beauty.
I’m light skin ( Beyoncé’s complexion) my mother is Prince’s complexion, most of my family is light. I grew up with colorism. As a kid I couldn’t play with what my mother called darkies. My first boyfriend was light and my mother was so happy he wasn’t dark skinned. I was taught by my parents and grandparents that I would be hated by dark skinned ppl because I’m light. Which did happen. But honestly the light skinned ppl I hung out with were hateful to dark skinned ppl also . I remember when my uncle decided to raise a daughter that wasn’t his and she has very dark skin. My family said they would never accept Skillet into the family because we don’t do darks. Yes, that’s how they referred to dark skinned ppl in these derogatory terms .Then I learned in college there is a term for it, internalized racism.
I started noticing this when people told me this at the age of 5, in the 70s. I was told that i was pretty to be soo dark. It made me feel weird but i didnt know why. Then my hair started to grow and prople said it more. By my pre teen years, i was angry to be told i was I was sooo dark and cute with my hair. In my 20s I found my first job after college and i got into an agrument with a coworker about the weave i wasnt wearing.She accused me 3 times and it was none of her business...but to her, i was too dark to have my hair. ITS JUST HAIR! What did it matter to her?
Years ago I was seeing this handsome dark skinned brotha and we were talking about skin color. He told me that he doesn't like dark skinned women. I was the darkest he would go. I am brown skinned, milk chocolate. I am the darkest he would go? I gave him the side eye. 2-8-2024(Thurs)
The comments y’all. Seriously, some of you are deflecting and not being “sisterly”. The point is when complimenting a black woman do not root that compliment in colorist ideology. Instead pinpoint what it is that makes her pretty to you. For example, with the first girl at the hotel. The woman should’ve said “you’re so pretty, I love the shape of your eyes.” Or “you’re so beautiful, your skin (not skin tone) is so vibrant.
She is stunning 😍 just gorgeous. Yeah I hate the phrase pretty for a "black girl" or "dark-skinned girl." Just say pretty because i'm not above giving back handed compliments right back.
I think I’ve probably been off putting because, I usually say I love your beautiful dark skin. My Mum and little sister are a deep chocolate brown. The people who know me, know it’s no shade; however, I wonder how it’s been taken when I’ve said it to someone else.
Here’s my thing with colorism and additional “isms”. Although we know these demonic, hateful, wicked things/ behaviors do exist. We can also keep them alive by consistently saying what will “never” change etc. Or not healing from it. U can speak things into existence. I’m sorry who are any of these people esp men to tell u if you’re beautiful or not when the The Lord God Almighty created you? (Whether it’s your hair, skin tone etc.) If anyone knows beauty it’s God, look at the earth and universe he created. Some people are just mean and want to say things to knock u down. Ignore it. BW you’re beautiful sit in your uniqueness, God didn’t make a mistake on u. Sit in it! ❤
A guy said this to me, “you’re really pretty for a dark skin girl” I was 20 and naive mind you at that age, but I knew something was very very very wrong with that statement. He then tried to get my number and I declined. I’m 30 almost 31 now and so glad this is being discussed.
Y'all just remember it was a dark skinned person that said this to her. As a light skinned woman, believe it or not, a handful of people ask if I'm full Black, and they apologize for thinking I am. Even when they say I'm beautiful. I just think that's interesting and wanted to share.
I'm yellow but my daughter is very dark brown (her dad is blacker than night). She is gorgeous. They always said this to me when I went out with my daughter. I hated it so much. 😡
For that woman to say that to her, she's a hater. She knew what she was doing/saying when she made that ''compliment,'' especially as a black woman. The original poster of the video, she is so stunning. She looks like a model.
I am originally from upstate moving to the country really showed me the difference. I was darker than any of my friends and people including my so called friends did not let me forget it. We are not even mentioning how as a dark skin woman you’re automatically considered mean and promiscuous.
Omg... yes this happens all the time and it's always black men in my experience. I have light brown eyes and ppl always ask what am I mixed with to get that eye color 😮 like bruh both my parents are Jamaican, leave me alone...
With me its featurism. I have a small button nose and very high cheekbones with upturned eyes. Im central african and many women look like me! But People always say im pretty and dont believe im African 🙄
I didn’t know this still happens. Growing up in a predominantly black city, I never experienced this. We lived by, “the darker the berry, the sweeter the juice.” The lighter folk wanted to be dark so bad!
I grew up in New Orleans and dark skin girls were very desired. I had to learn that this wasn't the case in a lot of places. My nephew right now has a very melanated girlfriend, it's super common.
Different people have different standards. One drop rule and counting Creoles and Mulattos as Black creates this. You can’t compete where you don’t compare.
Yes I get that allot especially from guys and that’s sick. When I was coming up my father is Ghanaian and I went through it but what was worst my mother was the one that made allot of the your so black comments and jokes she was a light skinned woman, imagine your grandmother not liking you cause your father was African what a childhood I didn’t start loving me till I got grown. It’s not ok cause no body knows the struggle of being called unattractive cause of your skin color not cause of your features. It was so bad I hated my dimples growing up cause it was so crazy that I have them. Let’s not start on my grade of hair being soft and curly it was are you mixed I can go on and on about everything wrong with what was said.
9:47 ngl this was gonna be my comment so I'm glad it was said. As a light skinned woman, i HATED how objectively unappealing faced women were uplifted as beauty just because they were light skinned or had that "good hair". I find it most surprising when light skinned women are objectively beautiful. Seriously. I don't at all find it surprising to see dark skinned women who are objectively naturally gorgeous. Maybe I'm biased because my mom is a drop dead gorgeous dark skinned woman, and i come from a family of equally breathtaking beauties who are all dark skinned. So for me that was my standard of beauty. I'm lucky to look EXACTLY like my mother. But these colorists (dark skinned women) will call me beautiful and say they are SHOCKED i came from my mother....i swear to God, i will point out we look exactly alike and they will deny it... and then take a second look and suddenly they can see we have the EXACT same features and the only difference is the skin tone. For them the skin makes it breaks you. Tbh though, my moms gorgeous creamy dark skin elevates the look and imho makes her the objectively more beautiful between us two. But this woman at 14:59 saying that this self hating employee should be fired is wrong imo. It's not the same when black women do this to ourselves. It's a lifetime of conditioning. I believe it was Lupita who bawled tears when she was a kid and a famous black woman told her she was beautiful. It never occured to her that she COULD be beautiful given her dark skin and afrocentric phenotype. So it's a very different discussion when it's coming from black women to black women. A sad and pathetic story, but it's often rooted in a shock and awe, a conditioning that is bought into before we enter grade school that only light skinned or exoticals can be beautiful. And they grow up seeing plain to ugly light skinned women elevated, and objectively gorgeous dark skinned women being called ugly and treated like a dog and put down.
Ppl that ask if youre mixed is a legit geniune question. Alot of ppl in the us are mixed. And a lot of yt people are clueless. But ill be dam. If i allow ppl to trigger me over my skin tone or pretty unpriviledge, I wont ever leave my house.
This is bullshit and I think jealously. Girls with darker skin are ALWAYS the most beautiful in the room because of the depth of their skin tone. It glows. ❤
I used to tell people that I wish I was darker they looked at me like I was crazy and asked me what was wrong with me why would I wish to be darker than what I am and yes they were other black people that ask me that…
I wish a ------- would say that to me. Get ready to get your feelings hurt instantly lol. I'm definitely not as nice as that beautiful young lady was in response to the hotel staff.
Do you know this happens to everyone right so for example if a woman is overweight they’ll tell her she’s pretty for somebody who is overweight if a person has a disability they will say are you’re pretty for somebody who has a disability this is not only happening to dark skin women. For example a light skin women could face such statements as old you’re actually nice for a light-skinned woman As if inherently all light skin women are not nice or rude
Everyone doesn’t get treated like that even the examples you pointed out are equated with ppl who have an unconventional defect that is no way similar to skin color. And by the way no one has ever told anyone they are pretty to be light that’s the point and your whole comment proves it just by comparing dark skin to being disabled an over weight try again ma’am smh yall really will never get it such a shame
I get that "mean" comment a lot being very light skin. Or they'll say you look like.. fill in the blank. When I look nothing like the person they're referring to.
@@DBrown-vg1fi you see the problem with you is you feel the gaps with your own ignorance for example at no point did I say it was okay I just said it happens I didn’t actually state that I believe this is okay and I think society is correct for this behaviour you feel the gap with your own ignorance you didn’t even ask a question so you could learn to not feel it with ignorance you chose to be so I’d also like to ask you why are you think it’s okay for society to see white and disability as a defect but not see skin colour as a defect you option yourself that because it now means you think it’s okay to create them when you want when it benefits you possibly when you don’t fit into it but when you fit the category that has been affected you know when a pipe up I’m gonna ask you again why is it okay for society to see a persons size a persons weight or a disability as a defect but it is not okay for them to see skin colour as a defect.
@@Khadiyah01 The word is fill not feel. And let’s not play semantics here even though you did not explicitly state it was okay you implicitly did by even writing this post under this video of people sharing their opinions and experiences with colorism. This is just like saying “All lives matter” to invalidate the experience of a populace treated poorly because of the colors of their skin. Now the difference between people insinuating people overweight and disabled may look good for the fact that they fall into these categories are very simple. People don’t say these things to them. People don’t tell others you look good to be fat and disabled. And the word overweight and disabled themselves already in and of itself denote a societal defect. The prefix dis means not or opposite of and we all know what ability means, same with over meaning excessive in comparison to the norm and we know what weight means. The terms already display that there is something abnormal anatomically. Please inform me how dark skin is anatomically disadvantageous. I can give you many reason why melanin is anatomically advantageous over people who don’t have as much. Then while you are at it please address why no one comments that people of lighter hues are pretty for their skin color. Without addressing this point your whole argument crumbles
Seem like people who let this bother them are still deep rooted in insecurity because why take offense to being called pretty they recognize it as they should but because there is this thing in the back of the mind from when they “grew up” not feeling good enough this or that rather then put in the self work they let micro things continuously set them back…I know as a dark skin black woman I had to rewire my thoughts and feelings towards my skin so I don’t mind hearing sentiment like this….now my daughter she is mixed light skin so of course her experience is way different then mine coming up in real time but she often says she wishes her skin was as dark n beautiful as mine which warms my heart so honestly I think we as women need to not let these insecurity hold us back which it all comes back too
Well, just because you’re OK with a backhanded compliment that doesn’t mean other dark skin women and girls should be okay with it. To hear you are pretty to be dark skin is like saying usually dark skin people are ugly but you’re cuter than the rest. No ma’am. It’s the principle, it’s respect.
@@Sunny-tc3ulyou're not going to be respected everywhere you go. In fact as ppl of color expect to be either passively or aggressively disrespected especially if you're a woman. Does that mean I'm allowing ppl to trigger me over their hangups....no. I got better shit to do with my time. And that's exactly what the op is saying. Its not cool. But all you can control is how you react to it. You're not changing anybody. Especially in a country where bleaching your skin is a billion dollar industry. No shade.(pun not intended)Just facts.
@@Sunny-tc3ul feeling that a complement is backhanded again has to deal with how you internalize things now if you feel you’re ugly because that how it was portrayed to you that just how you feel no changing that but me saying I don’t internalize that is my greatest defense and attribute because yeah I am pretty for a dark skin girl a lot of us are pretty for our dark skin…people could just walk up and be like you’re ugly then what is one to do just to accept that as a reality and fact just cause they say it out loud which has also has been an had experience and if I just let that be I too would be like the girl in the video and the response video like don’t say that to me don’t recognize this pronounced thing I have to carry and can’t change it just wild to me what energy we aloud to affect us so deeply and turn into more negative energy
@@SEYIABI1 being called pretty for skin color is an insult now and asking others in annoyance and anger not to recognize it is the pitch of healthy now got it makes sense
Oh well. People Love to say… “you’re pretty for a big girl” so get used to it. Thats how people are conditioned to see things and doesn’t make it right. But that’s the world we live in! She will be ok.
