I told my Father I didn't want a Relationship with him because he didn't respect me. He laughed and said "Why would I have to respect you, you're my Daughter, you're not my Dad". I haven't spoken to him since.
Do we have the same dad?? Mine is a boomer exminister .. I finally confronted him about my issues with him. And straight texted . "respect me." But after I spoke my truth. I cut him off..
They care. As it takes a lot of energy, time and money to raise you in the first place. Otherwise if they didn't care you would not have grown up in the first place. It not that they don't care, it is just eh economy been shitty and they could not give you the life they wish they could have given you. They already feel slapped around by the economy you grew up in. They can't be sh*t on anymore in life they they already have been. you doing more of the same just proves to them you are not worth the time and energy anymore. You are adults. take care of yourself. In the meantime go ahead. go no contact. A pet dog makes better company then you in the first place anymore. And when your elderly parents die they can gift their will to that dogs care for someone else to enjoy , and the money left given to an animal shelter , since that is were their money can make a positive difference in the first place, besides and ungrateful adult child.
People need to prepared to MOURN their parents when they go no contact. If you are doing it because you are waiting for them to FEEL/DO something you are doing it for the wrong reasons.
I agree, if your parent really abused you are running to be safe and you really don’t want them to contact you. The other people need to learn how to set boundaries and have tough conversations and seek therapy but no contact is not the solution. Esp if you want your parent to contact you.
Yeah, I realised that almost a year ago but I haven't started the mourning process yet because right now, therapy is the only thing keeping me on this planet. I don't have time to worry about my mother right now. Not until I'm at least stable.
But going "no contact" just until your parents "meet your demands" is just emotional manipulation used to get what you want. Nothing more than a temper tantrum. "Agree with my demands or I'll hurt you." Helicopters should have let their kids raise themselves.
Definitely. If you are expecting genx to come running when its no contact... you may die waiting. Try writing us a letter in cursive in a constructive way, have a therapist help edit the thing so it's going to repair the relationship instead of destroying it. Apples and oranges don't speak the same language, so get a referee from the parents generation. You don't understand how much repressed anger and abuse some of us are carrying from our parents, and entitlement from a child thats disrespectful is a no go. We don't hate you, but we won't enable or be around people that whine.
My boomer narcissist mother could care less about me going no contact because she really thinks my narcissist golden child sister is going to take care of her in her old age. She never loved me and only had me for her to get government benefits
My mother was a boomer and a narcissist. When she passed, I shed no tears. When she visited me in my dreams, I turned and walked away from her without a word. In death and in life, when I say no contact, I mean it. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Know that you're not alone and find purpose for your life and enjoy it.
Or when you have a mom that hates her daughters and adores her sons..well mom hope your son is prepared to take care of you full time ..yep him and your new daughter (his girlfriend) 👋
Hopefully people are going no contact for their own mental health and not because they're trying to get a reaction. Also boomers tend to suppress feelings.
They are mostly going no contact for the reaction....because social media told them to....and that is the reason genx and boomers don't care. We grew up thinking for ourselves not making decisions because people on social who we never met told us to. Social is not real....most of the crap on social is posted for likes and subscribers with no real content. Unfortunately the younger generations believe everything they see and hear on social
@@darcy5761Same. I doubt my mom and dad care and TBH it’s what you’re supposed to do. Adults make their own families. And their job as parents was to get all their kids to adulthood. Mission accomplished. It’s just not a big deal if we’re not “besties”.
@@silververnallbells191No, it's not that big a deal, tho😂 You have to realize quite a few Gen Xers (and Boomers) started 'raising' kids before they even became parents, so now they feel like they need to live their lives for themselves for once. I think the issue comes in navigating the transition between being & having an active parent to a child vs learning to approach each other as adults. Seems to be issues on both sides with that.
Relationships are sometimes complicated and complex. I remember becoming upset with my dad when he started to not send cards on birthdays and Christmas even though he wasn't safe to ever stop being no contact with him. It's because the actions of stopping sending cards indicated him doing so was for manipulative reasons.
To the lady saying “Y’all are just wrong y’all can be wrong like parents can be wrong”, the issue is that we’re expected to treat parents as if they are perfect and can do no wrong. And when they are wrong we’re expected to not bring it up out of respect for our elders.
What is the point of going 'no-contact' and wanting the person to be bothered or phased? If you dont want them to contact you and you dont contact them then what are they supposed to do? Waste their life waiting for you to talk to them? Life goes on. Either your cutting people off to bring yourself peace or youre cutting people off to be spiteful and vindictive.
You missed the important part: If these parents really cared about their kids, this wouldn't even be a topic of discussion to begin with. If my child says I hurt them or I was wrong as a parent, I would want to correct that and make things right but then again, that would require a person to be a decent human being to begin with. For every action, there is a reaction.
@@Bloombaby99 they can really care and im sure plenty of parents try, its always two sides to a story so again if the parent tried and the kid is still unhappy then it is what it is. They arent horrible people for not chasing you and kissing your behind. You are an adult now.
@@Bloombaby99Life is short, buddy. If I had kids and they cut me off, I’d move on pretty quickly. Your job is to get them to adulthood to where they can stand on their own two feet. Parents aren’t there to be your besties for life. You seem to misunderstand the assignment.
I went no contact with my parents for 6 months because my traditional boomer dad crossed my personal boundaries 3 times, each time me stating the boundary: again. The NC ended up being more for me than trying to control what they do or how they treat me. It was my time to CUT the apron strings and practice radical acceptance (look up Jerry Wise) to accept my parents and siblings for who they are and break the familial fantasy I'd concocted in my own mind in order to survive my childhood and young adulthood. I was neglected as a kid and it totally f-Ed me up. No guidance, no support, no compliments, no help with entering into adulthood. Nada. I was served up as fodder for an abusive husband and stayed for 14 years. My whole family saw me suffering but NOT ONE of them told me to leave. Yes, I was an adult, but growing up in church I was taught "divorce is a sin" and I had no voice, no autonomy, no boundaries, no practice saying NO. Thanks mom & pop. My whole family was fine with me running around, taking polls on what I should or shouldn't do within life so they _knew_ I couldn't make decisions for myself. I didn't know HOW. And I didn't trust myself. I WAS TAUGHT not to trust myself. I state an opinion, someone corrects me or calls my pov stupid, or get laughed at. So many things that molded me into what I was; a yes-saying-doormat. When I finally left the abusive ex, I was actually given FLACK for it!!!! By both parents! And none of my family was supportive emotionally. Not one. I honestly don't think they know HOW to be supportive. My whole family is not emotionally intelligent. It's sweep-everything-under-the-rug town up in there! 😂 Not me. After making my first single decision for MY life, leaving abuse, I've been on the road to recovery. Recovering my identity, my self love, my voice, my opinions, my emotions, my mental well-being, etc. it's hard but it's MINE! I'm now remarried to an amazing man and he sees clearly the dynamic of my family. We love them where they are at but keep our distance. I moved away and we married and I'm finally at peace. ❤❤❤❤
And the whole 6 months I was NC with my parents, not once did I hear from 2 of my 3 brothers. Not once did they call me and ask- what happened?? Or get my side. 🤦🏻♀️😞
Hi, Gen X'er who went no contact with my boomer parents. I had a LOT of generational trauma to change and I did it through my parenting, therapy and choices. I am sure I screwed up my kiddo somewhere BUT I own that and if my son had or has an issue, we would be communicating without suffocating.
MANY OF US ARE #TRUELY BETTER OFF!!! I CUT ALL TIES WITH MY MOTHER 4 YEARS BACK & MY PEACE HAS INCREASED. WHILE I AM HAUNTED BY OFTEN BY MEMORIES BECAUSE OF WHAT SHE PUT ME THOUGH. I FIND JOY IN KNOWING. THERE IS NOTHINGS MORE SHE CAN DO TO HURT ME!
I WENT TO THERAPY!! IT REALLY HELPED!!! THE THING IS, I BATTLE DEPRESSION. I HAD GONE TO MANY THERAPIST, FOR MANY YEARS. WHO HAD ADVISED ME TO CUT TIES. SHE WAS THE ABUSER BUT REFUSED TO SEEK COUNCEL/HELP. MEANWHILE I WENT. #EACH 1 TOLD ME TO BE ABLE TO FULLY HEAL. I SHOULD REMOVE MYSELF FROM THE SITCH/CUT ALL TIES. BECAUSE THE LEVEL OF TOXICITY WAS A DANGER TO ME. INSPITE OF HOW CRUEL SHE WAS FOR A LONG TIME I HOPED SHE WOULD CHANGE. SHE DIDN'T, BUT I KNEW, I HAD TOO. I LIMITED CONTACT AT FIRST...BUT THAT DIDN'T HELP. BECAUSE WHEN SHE WOULD COME AROUND OR REACH OUT THE INTERACTIONS WOULD BE WORSE. MORE THAN ANYTHING I WANTED TO HEAL. IT GOT TO A POINT WHERE I BELIEVED ONE OF US WOULD NOT SURVIVE/LIVE. I STOPPED ANSWERING HER CALLS. BLOCKED HER NUMBER/HER SOCIAL MEDIAS. HER EMAIL. AND IT FELT LIKE THE BIGGEST WEIGHT HAD BEEN LIFTED FROM MY CHEAST. LIKE THERE WAS ALWAYS THIS BURDEN THAT RESTED THERE... I CRIED FOR A COUPLE DAYS. THAN I GOT A NEW THERAPIST. IN THE PAST I WONDERED WHY THERAPY NEVER SEEMED TO HELP. IT WAS BECAUSE I KEPT SAYING I WANTED BE HEALED BUT HOLDING ONTO THE DEMON THAT WAS HURTING ME. @@Marie-mq3kb IT ISN'T GOING TO BE EASY. YOU MAY HAVE FAM/PEOPLE IN YOU EAR LIKE ME, TELLING YOU "THAT'S STILL YOUR MOTHER". "YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO EVER CUT TIES WITH HER" "WHAT SHE DID IS IN THE PAST" "Y'ALL ARE FAM". I URGE YOU TO IGNORE THESE PEOPLE. I DON'T KNOW WHY/WHAT YOUR REASON IS FOR CUTTING YOUR MOM OFF. BUT NO ONE DOES THIS FOR NO REASON. MOST OF US DIDN'T WANT TO BUT YOU HAVE TO SAVE YOURSELF AND YOUR SANITY. SAVE YOUR LIFE. SHE WAS AFFECTING MY MENTAL HEALTH & PHYSICAL. I STARTED TO WHERE A MONITOR BECAUSE OF MY BLOOD PRESSURE. THE ONLY THING IN MY LIFE THAT CAUSED IT TO ELEVATE. WOULD BE MY EVIL ASS MOTHER. I KNEW BEFORE I WORE IT. YOUR GONNA BE OKAY!!! IF IT'S STILL EARLY. IT LIKELY STILL HURTS. THE MORE TIME THAT PASSES. THE BETTER YOU WILL FEEL. I KNOW I'VE HEALED BECAUSE I COULDN'T TALK ABOUT HER OR WHAT SHE DID WITHOUT CRYING OR MY EYES WATERING. I CAN TALK ABOUT IT AND NOW THERE IS NO EMOTIONAL REACTION. SHE CAN'T HURT ME ANYMORE! HEALING IS A PROCESS SO IT WILL TAKE TIME. BUT YOU WILL GET THERE 🙂
@@Marie-mq3kb NOT SURE WHY IT DIDN'T POST. MY RESPONSE WAS. I WENT TO THERAPY. I WENT FOR YEARS...MOST OF MY LIFE. (ALL THE THERAPIST TOLD ME...I SHOULD CUT TIES. MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY MOTHER WAS DANGEROUSLY TOXIC. I WANTED TO BE HEALED BUT CONTINUED TO DEAL WITH THE CAUSE OF ALL MY PAIN. AFTER I REMOVED HER FROM MY LIFE. I WENT BACK TO THERAPY...AND IT HELPED. I ALSO STARTED TO JOURNAL. AND USE SOME OF THE HEALTHY OUTLETS SUGGESTED TO ME. I KNOW I AM HEALED BECAUSE WHENEVER I WOULD BRING UP MY MOTHER OR ABUSE I ENDURED FROM HER...I WOULD CRY. I NO LONGER CRY ABOUT IT. MY EYES DON'T WATER BECAUSE I KNOW. SHE CAN NO LONGER HARM ME. IT DOES GET EASIER WITH TIME!
Hmmm I've been no contact with my narcissist mother for 10 yrs now . But my sister still has contact , and has yet to acknowledge the abuse our mother inflicted and oddly doesn't understand why I won't make peace , well my sister has just recently gone no contact with me also . Golden child vs me scapegoat. My mother still manipulates her n it kills me inside 😣 that she's blinded
@@sah-nae that’s kind of the same for me. Also, I feel like I’m the scapegoat, but my sister the golden child has come to senses and I’m happy that I’m not alone in this for my oldest sister. That’s a work in progress.
@@GorgeousGoddessTalks yeah , were in a weird place bc I know that I can't just tell her our mother is truly a narcissist, she has to come to that realization on her own , if I tell her , then it's like I'm attacking mom . So Ive just been praying about it and being patient hoping she will come to her senses . It breaks my heart bc my mother caused division so early on in our life and now we're adults and we're so strained. All I can do is hope one day I will have my baby sis back to love and enjoy life with 😕😞
@@sah-nae my mom did the exact same thing triangulating all of our relationships whenever she would get mad at one of us. It’s super sad, but when my younger sister finally came around, it was like a weightlifting off my shoulders because I wasn’t alone. I wish the best for you and your family also and I hope your sister and my sister come around very soon.🩷🩷
Wait!! So the adult kid’s are bothered that their parents don’t want to build a relationship with them? But they want no contact? Wth 😮 Why would you care as the adult child? I don’t get it 😂
@@strivingtoonedaybeuseful6049 no , you are a grown person that means you have moved on to having adult relationships. Your parents expect you to behave like adults who can take care of them selves . You SAID it you STILL need them. I call BS . You want to go NC because they won’t have a relationship with you where you NEED them ? A grown up relationship is where it’s of mutual benefit ie not where one person does all the taking.
@@sandysmith71 No. Parental love doesn't stop just bcuz someone turned 18. If the love was real it doesn't magically go away. MOST people get along w/their families and can celebrate with them & not just on holidays. We ALL need Love. Family is important. Yes, we need each other grown or not. It's called a FAMILY for a reason. Duh.
@@sandysmith71 Y'all don't get to half-az raise and abuse children then when they're 18 wipe your hands and say 'i did my best'. Y'all aren't fooling anybody with your childish unaccountability. Lazy manipulators.
This is so weird. Going No contact with someone means NO CONTACT and completely cutting ties. I have no emotional ties or relational ties with my “parents” at all. I have no idea how they responded to my no contact and I don’t care- they are dead to me. If they ever contact me again I will contact the police for a restraining order and they know that, I have already had one against my father but it has lapsed. People expecting a reaction from no contact are not actually wanting no contact, they do not want to actually cut ties if they are wanting a reaction and to have those parents to try to contact them. Personally, if mine tried I would immediately feel unsafe and call the police, as my father was extremely abusive and nearly killed me multiple times and my mother was worse imo. People need to grow up and stop using NC as a manipulation tactic imo. NC is NC, and the severing of all emotional ties to that person. If you want a relationship with someone- communicate FFS.
@@SoIAM-sj3bb I’m in Australia, and we had reports put it quite a few times but nothing was done until he nearly killed us all. Then it was all dramatic police raid on the house to arrest my father when I was 13. We had 3 years of no man in the house until my awful “mother” went and got with a different man who liked to rape her daughters and abuse the crap out of us- her response was to have 2 more kids with him and throw me and my other sister out because I told her straight to her face what he was doing. She already knew. Some parents are just TRASH and can’t be helped. And unfortunately, CPS or the equivalent just don’t save enough children. We weren’t.
Do not throw a tantrum on your parent, then gaslight them to say they didn’t want you because they aren’t giving the desired response to your bad behavior 🛑🤚🏾 🤦🏾♀️. They didn’t cut you off, they respected the space you requested
These are the same parents that left their children to be latch key kids and mostly raise themselves. They don't care....until they need help from you or when a peer ask "how are your children doing"? Otherwise, they mostly saw their kids as a burden, elders expressed this in so many ways.
We were latch key kids because the economy demanded that both parents work. Our boomer parents didn't leave us alone because they hated us. They did what they had to do to provide for us and we respected that. We were a lot more mature at really young ages and self sufficient with the exception of finance. Times were much different, we were out all day on weekends minding our business and staying out of grown folks business.....somewhere halfway through the millenials everything flip flopped and the world became overly sensitive and offended by everything from a look to a sneeze. Now everybody needs meds and therapy to get through a day. Every emotion is worn on the sleeve and we can't sit in the same room together. I don't have time for that....most of my generation doesn't have time for that....we speak different languages now and it's frustrating for both sides. What I know is the "friend parents" of today's technology kids are gonna have a rough time when these kids are 25 because all they are used to is getting their own way, and that's just not how the world works.
Thank you for saying this cause I'm a millennial (born 1991) and what you said is so true: I've heard and seen so many millennials talk about how both parents (Boomers and Gen X) complain about having to take care of their kids like somebody forced them to have/make kids in the first place. These same parents would break their backs for their fake friends, wishy washy family members, or a wayward lover but would act like somebody asked them to take down Bin Laden if their kids asked for a Happy Meal or even a basic necessity or extra curricular activity. It's no longer a mystery why the no-contact trend took off so fast and quick (this wasn't even a "trend" back in the day, we just did it).
Gen Xers are not expecting their kids to take care of them (I am childless so I already know not to expect that). I don’t know why you all keep expressing this warning. We’ve lived our whole lives not being taken care of lol! If anything, we plan to Golden Girls into the sunset with our besties.
The younger generations as a whole are the least likely to care for anyone else, which is one reason why the birthrate is dropping globally. Some of them are probably going no contact early to avoid having to care for aging parents😂
Gen X is a large range of years, yet many of you think it only applies to people born between 1977 and 1980. My parents are in the oldest batch of Gen X (born in the mid 60s) and they absolutely expect me to take care of them in old age. No shade, you don’t have kids so how would you know what Gen X parents expect?
If you are going no contact, or threatening to go no contact, as a form of manipulation or emotional blackmail, I don't blame them for shrugging and saying, "Bye." Going no contact is for your own well being, emotional health, and/or personal safety. It is not a "silent treatment" until you get your way or a form of attention-seeking. Like atheism, it is not "just a phase" or "a new trend." I don't care if it is parent to adult child, or adult child to parent. Consider the weight and think about it before doing it. No contact is no contact.
2:54 That’s because they are going no contact to attempt to hurt their parents. Not because they don’t want anything to do with them. They are throwing a tantrum and want a reaction.
If you are going no contact to influence someone else’s behavior, THAT is wrong of you. No contact means no contact. You don’t care about how others react. The no contact described here sounds like a temper tantrum. I am a GenXer who went no contact with my father 20 years ago. He is dead to me. I don’t care what he thinks or how he reacts to my NC. If you had unrealistic expectations of going NC, that’s on you. The other GenX responses (therapist response) are spot on. Remember, each generation causes trauma to the next generation even if they are doing the best they can. When this generation’s children come to YOU about the trauma YOU inflicted on your children, you will understand. No contact means that person is dead to you. I am sorry people are missing the assignment.
I also wanted to add I think the issue here is really about egos. Millennials thought they could hurt their GenX parents by going no contact and wanted to stick it to them but it backfired. In reality most of us raised ourselves as kids anyway so we don't have an issue with it.
Millenials are too old to be the children of Gen X. Gen X would be your older siblings unless there was a teen Mom which blossomed w/Millenials more than Gen X.
It doesn't backfire at all. I am doing really good in life financially and mentally and it gets better with every year. But THEY get ass hurt now that they get older and more lonely.
I'm going no contact and I'm so excited. No scapegoat for them, looks like they'll have to deal with their own issues. Plus who are they going to lie on to their partners and friends. I'm not there and they'll notice real quick they've been lied to.
I’m confused by this conversation. If a child goes no contact, that’s a boundary. Isn’t the expectation that the parents respect the boundaries? If someone wants nothing to do with you, you don’t chase behind them. That’s stalking, obsession, possessiveness, a lack of respect for boundaries. You could be heart broken inside. But you leave them alone and move on. If the parents were ignoring the boundaries, the children would complain about that. I don’t understand what the expectation is.
Correct,, a lot of the people on this platform are just spiteful. Only a few have a legit reason to go no contact. Most just are going no contact, because one it is trendy and two their feeling's have been hurt or they got a spanking sometime in their life.
No manipulation from me. I'm gen x and I'm estranged from my father because a lifetime of rejection takes its toll and I couldn't live that way anymore. It was a difficult choice and not one I made lightly. I have zero regrets for letting go and accepting him for who he is. I never stopped loving him, but it's incredibly difficult going through life knowing you're an afterthought to a parent. What became clear was I mattered and that meant I needed to take care of my sanity. He's not safe for me to interact with because the result is always the same rejection.
As a gen X parent I would definitely be extremely sad if my kids went no contact. I'd also respect their choice and not contact them. So how would they know if I care or not if we're no contact???
I am a GenXer I've asked one of my adult children to stop contacting me as well as his siblings continuously for finances due to his negligent and wasteful spending. I love all my children. I had to implement the No Contact because of boundaries.
That money will go away one day and you will need them. Money will not buy you anything that they can offer or provide. Once they get financially stable they will help you stop being stingy
Don't listen to these two 😂 You are NOT wrong for setting boundaries with anyone, even when they're your own (adult) children. I'm both a parent and an adult child. I didn't have the best mom, but I have never expected my mother's money to support any part of my life into adulthood. There may have been times she's offered, as have I with my own young adult children, but none of us have ever felt entitled to another person's bag like that, especially not a family member's.
As a gen x, I except this for you. If no contact is your desire, then it shall be granted. Even at my worst moment, there is a good chance I won't contact you. I think a lot of gen x parents will agree. Most of us have our best friends as our person anyway.
@@dangermauz754Yet the government wants Millennials and Gen Z to have children because of the low birthrate in the country. Teachers are quitting left and right so there won't be many teachers in the next few years educating children that won't exist because we can't afford it so we won't feel guilty for BBs and GenXs dying in old age.
It’s giving y’all are going old contact to manipulate people because if you were going no contact because someone did something to you or is doing something to you that you do not like why are you expecting them to reach out even your comment? Why would you think they will reach out to you for help, since tells me they wouldn’t even tell you they need help. You’re just hoping that they didn’t such a desperate place that they need you so you could be like ha ha.
It makes zero sense to cut off my parents and then hop on social media crying like a kid theyre " not bothered" . What kind of stupidity is that . That girl needs therapy.
But don't you think as a parent, if your child goes no contact with you, that you should try to reach out and repair that relationship? If you just throw your hands in the air and say, "Oh well!" then I question how much you really care about your child and children. I understand respecting boundaries, but it seems like the parents she was talking about are the ones that aren't phased by losing their children because their ego and pride means more to them than the actual relationship. That's the issue here. Because as a mother, I'd be devastated and do anything I could to fix things with my child if they felt like I had hurt them and they needed to go no contact. But I recognize that I'm the exception and not the rule. Also, if I'm being frank there are way too many boomers and Gen X adults that should have never been parents. But that's another conversation that y'all aren't ready to hear.
@ca6248 EXACTLY. Just cuz some of these adult children that are going "no contact" are mad/hurt that their parents aren't reaching out to them & trying to salvage the relationship doesn't mean they were trying to emotionally manipulate their parents & they're realizing it failed --- it means they're REALLY coming to the realization that they're parents absolutely NEVER cared for them if their parents are able to let them go without a fight! These parents aren't letting their children go so easily cuz they're respecting their children's boundaries --- they're casting them to the "Wayside" cuz they NEVER had any love for their children & they're relieved their children are the 1s who ended the relationship so they can look like the victims who were shunned when they run & tell their friends & family how their ungrateful brat ghosted them. And let's be honest . . . narcissists go out-of-their-way to trample over people's boundaries. So to say these parents are just "respecting" their children's wishes by not reaching out to their children & mend their relationship with them is 🐃 💩! My covert, malignant narcissist mother STILL won't even respect my request for her to knock on my bedroom door b4 entering & I'm in my 40s! But if I were to go "no contact" with her right now, I KNOW she wouldn't reach out to me, & it CERTAINLY wouldn't mean she had suddenly developed a newfound respect for honoring my wishes --- it'd simply mean she doesn't give a damn about losing me & NEVER did. If someone doesn't respect you in the little things & has made a habit out of doing so, they certainly aren't gonna respect you in regard to your major wishes. Especially not overnight.
Is it stupidity to want your parent to show they care about your absence ? I might say something shocking but could it be that they hoped that some of the children going no contact might hope to finally get their parents to show some emotions and love for them. It's not that crazy that they want their parents' love. But the parents usually respond in the same callous way you did. It's stupidity to want your parents to care about you after they have persistantly drained you emotionally,spirtually and psychologically.🤔
@@ca6248 We're only getting one side of the story. How do we know the parents haven't reached out and when they get rejected, respected the child's boundaries? I don't expect any one of these people to admit that they may hold some blame in the NC.
I've been no contact with my Boomer mother, I'm GenX, for almost 20 years. It was a process. I had to go no contact, and yes, you miss your mother or want her especially when carrying your own child or times when you need a word of advice and wisdom. I had to face the fact she was never and had never been those things for me. So it was like missing the idea of a mother. So I mourned her as if she had died. About 2 years and tons of grieving and tears and you slowly start healing. I remember bumping into her in the store one time while she was visiting...and I felt nothing. Her face was that of any other walking by. I don't look to be included in her will. She doesn't look to me for a relationship or elder care. I believe it's been best for both of us. Recently I noticed that as a child my aunt did many, many motherly things for me and it changed my loneliness for being orphaned to being greatful. Time heals all. Whatever you choose to do, know that splitting ties...does just that. Sometimes there's no coming back from it, even if you try, so be sure. Live your truth. Loves sisters
This idea that you have to care so much about someone and how they relate to you simply because you have the same blood or shared experiences, it’s just tired. I can see myself having adult kids and being like, “Yo, I’m not dealing with you. You’re an adult. Grow up.” And I can also see myself as an adult child and being like, “Yo, I’m not dealing with you. I’m an adult. Stop treating me like a child.” It is what it is.
This is how I feel about this situation. I will also include the cousins, brother, sister, uncle, auntie, grandparent type of situations also. Life in general can be a blessing or a stresser. It all depends on what's dealt to each individual. Oh, I missed the girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife combination. Every relationship is different with the love or non love involved. We don't have any control over other people's behavior and never will.
So you wanted to go no contact. The person/people that you want no contact with are not contacting you. NOW you're mad that the no contact that you wanted and initiated is happening. So you are the problem.
Some parents just don’t like their kids. They may be ashamed to admit it. They feel drained by them. They never wanted them in the first place. Society told them to have them, when deep down - they’ve just been an expensive cost. They did a terrible job at being a parent. So going no contact is good for everyone. You can break the cycle. Be child free. Don’t let society tell you how to run your life. Choose freedom and peace.
I don't think it's uncommon for parents not to like their children and it doesn't have to have anything to do with their job as a parents. The children spend the majority of a day with teachers and carers while the parents are working so why blame the parent when the people the government have put in charge of the children are the ones creating the AHs? In the end, I think parents love their children but don't like them more than they love and like them.
👀 so if you go no contact, you want your parents to disrespect your choice and contact you? But you said not to talk to you. As an adult if I say don’t talk to me ( regardless of generations) that’s what I mean. So why you mad that I honored your choice, isn’t that why you not talking to me? 👀 please make it make sense. Is the parent supposed to curl up and die? What you want them to do.
Both sides exists. There are children that have been abused and had bad relationships with their parents. But there are also children that are just triggered by anything, like telling them to pick up their room.
"Some of you are just wrong,” but the real issue is that many parents (more than most people would like to believe) are manipulative, toxic, and abusive. Moreover, some parents believe they never do anything wrong and refuse to apologize to their children because they don't want to be held accountable for their actions and have no intention of changing. Going no contact with parents is a difficult decision for most people, and it’s rarely for petty reasons. From the silent generation, boomer generation, and gen x generation, there is unfortunately a strong cycle of abuse. Hopefully, it will stop with the millennial generation.
That’s why I said that therapist is full of crap when he said only a _small percentage_ of adult children go no contact for what _he_ feels like are legitimate reasons.😒😒😒 So he feels like there’s all these stellar Boomer/GenX parents out here whose kids have *no* reason for going no contact??🤨🙄
My coworker went no contact with her mother after she didn't approve of her new partner. She has 4 baby daddy's and jumped into a relationship after 3 months. She basically abandoned 2 of her kids to move with her new partner. There are some shitty parents out there but also shitty kids. The mother at this point stopped giving a shit because she's a grown 35 year old woman acting like a kid. She also quit our workplace when we pointed out some very controlling aspects of her boyfriend since we were firends. Before you blame the mom no she wast abusive. Her brother explained his sister's always been bull headed about any man she falls for and will cut out anyone when she's called out on her shitty choices. Then we have the the grandmother who now has to support her 2 grandchildren out of the blue. Her brother said she will only contact family if things are going sour. Maybe she ment these type of children.
@@attitudeproblem6462I think that’s part of my mental problem, all the therapist and counselors and the psychiatrist I have had have been gen x who can’t understand what I went through and they just tell me to get over it and stop living in the past. They don’t understand that “petty” reasons are probably the straw that broke the camel’s back after years of neglect. It may have just been small things but enough small things built up over years is a big thing.
So I’m suppose to continue to beg a 55 year old woman to love me ? After saying she could never have love for a woman . I’m 32 , I’m cried and beg for her love ,even beg her to move in with me but she rather live with my brother , who beats her , and disrespect her and she pays all the bills but I’m suppose to continue to to fight for a mothers love that she’s incapable of giving ?but yet she wants me to care for care when she retires? Whatttttttt ???
Please, stop begging for he love, you're only feeding her ego. I absolutely know where you come from, I tried and tried, and it further ruined my life, and all my relationships because all I knew was begging. My mother hates women, and she will never love me. I struggled with this, (and still do sometimes) until I finally accepted it. That makes me angry, but it's still better that having her around me. Please don't take care of her when she's old, you're not a trash bag or a tool to be used. ❤
as a younger GenXer (Xennial) with Boomer parents, my parents never cared if I was no/low contact with them or not. I am 100% sure that they didn't really want kids, but only had them out of societal expectations.
@Bloombaby99 most Boomer and older gen x parents yes. I dont think that's true for xennial/ millenial parents. I think it's changing due to access to better family planning options and more people not being afraid to be child free.
As an older GenXer, I think you are thinking too much like a Mill (constant victim mentality) and not embracing your inner GenX (if it exists). We raised ourselves and didn't get hurt and bothered by it. I went NC with my dad and, for a long time, low contact with my mom. It was what I wanted. My mom has been there as much or as little as I wanted. It isn't a reflection on her or her feeling; it's about me and my boundaries. You may want to take a closer look at you relationship and ask how much of it you control.
If you initiated the No Contact for good reasons (e.g. abuse, financial extortion, etc.), why would you care that they are not chasing after you? You should be glad that you are rid of them??? The logic isn't logicing. If you are expecting the parents to cry and chase after you...idk...maybe you are just and attention seeker drama queen. 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡
Nothing makes you appreciate a parent more than becoming one yourself… Gen Z is a group that wants to be heard without hearing others. Gen X is one of the most independent generations of modern history. How do you want more from them when 9/10 they had way less than you (physiologically and emotionally).
So are we supposed to bother them if they go no contact by their choice? I'm confused. If you ghost us, then through others tell us they want nothing to do with you. It makes no sense, am I supposed to harrass you when you want nothing to do with us. I'm confused, is this a trend? Maybe they are respecting what you said were your wishes.
I am also a therapist and let me be the first to tell you that first ball he’s a social worker. They got the same ideas as child protective services and half of them give me a headache. Specialization is an abnormal behavior. I can assure you majority of people no contact with their parents majority of them have a reason. majority of them have tried before cutting their parents off. They did it as a last resort. They cut off their parents because they refuse to respect boundaries. They refuse to respect them as a person they refused to see them as a person. They treated their children as they are designer puppy not a person.. I want to raise a question in which I asked. Would it be OK for the same way that you treat your child for you to treat your spouse? They said if you treat your spouse that way that would be abuse and they would have every right to call the police on you. But that behavior was abusive to child
Yes. And same for kids. If your kids continue the behaviour of their parent, an abusive ex be it mother or father: going no contact is needed against those kids as well. And that is the side we see here too those kids wondering why the parents don't mind. Cause the kids were being abusive as well
Thank you for saying this for those of us who had legit reasons to cut off our parents. We have gave so many chances and simply couldn’t take the abuse any longer.
Exactly,some people in the comment section are speaking of the parent-child relationship as if it was a business relationship saying "those are consequences of your actions" as if it was a clear situation with no nuance and no feelings involved. A lot of time,the child gets to a breaking point where a conversation between adults as that man was saying is not possible because the person doesnt want to take accountability and doesn't want to converse. A lot of people from this generation also don't believe in therapy and having healthy conversation and it shows in the comments how some are calling children who are hurt that their parents don't care about them "stupid" for not thinking through their decisions like huh? It's usually one of the most difficult decisions to cut off a parent,children try so hard to get validation,care and love from their parents,it's not rocket science that that girl is grieving and coming to the realisation that it is confirmed that the parents don't reach out because they likely never cares for you as their child.
I have little to no respect for therapists since I look at the history of people and see humans become weaker the more therapy has become the "answer." The world was a harsher place in every generation before and yet we have a bunch of whiny, pathetic people who need safe spaces to get through a day. That said, I don't think the "majority" of those going NC have a real reason - not in the current younger generations. Look at the people posting online, dig into what they are really saying and all you see are narcissistic, controlling adult children who want to remain children but their parents aren't interested in dealing with perpetual 13-year-olds in adult bodies who refuse to grow up. It's a manipulation tactic and they get upset when the parent respects the boundaries and let's them go NC.
@@mortimerbrewster3671 clearly you didn’t look into humanity long enough because then you would know everything you just said was wrong. And of course you don’t have any respect for them. They are the people telling you that there’s something wrong with your behavior. But a few things people were not living mad people with severely debilitating mental illness. People killed themselves because they were diagnosed with a bunch of problems. Nobody knew how to actually handle it. We do things that we do. Anybody with half a brain cell and a bag full of peanuts in their head would fucking tell you that there’s a reason people live longer now. Back, then people would just kill themselves, and everyone would claim that it was from natural causes or mysterious circumstances. Those people were severely mentally ill and to not bring a stain on the family because that would look bad. They lied. And maybe if you got a degree rather than just going to RU-vid and Facebook you would know this by their diaries that are posted to education. So shut the fuck up on that end. We have not become weaker in any means of that word people people think we become weaker or people who are not able to get away with abuse anymore . Let me tell you especially working in the field. Do you know how incredibly hard it is to tell your abuser no? Have strength away from someone hurting someone who could hurt you more. Do you know how many women have been murdered at the hands of their husband because they couldn’t walk away? It’s extra strength to sit on a stand and tell someone you are monster you have hurt people. It takes strength to cut someone off that you love so dearly because they are hurting you. Humans are creatures. The last thing we wanna do is to separate from someone. And it takes strength to be able to do that. Because there’s a lot of unknowns. There are people who homeless get away from their abuser and that’s scary as fuck. So don’t you ever disrespect the victim in your motherfucking life. You can feel how you want because your child wants nothing to do with you clearly and you’re upset about that. But majority of cases which by the way, narcissistic personality disorder is hereditary so if you think the child narcissist nonsense 10, more likely, the parents, the grandparents are too. Before spouting up nonsense you actually learn what these words mean. People don’t wake up and become a narcissist usually it’s genetic. Sometimes it’s from extreme acute trauma, which means you scarred somebody so much. They became a narcissist just to be able to function with the brain. Guess what that still makes you the problem!!! Majority of people go, noncontact have exhausted every other option. This is there. I can’t keep making you happy because it’s hurting me. So they have to sit there and have the hardest conversation with themselves to let you go. You don’t like it and yeah, you might see some people who go no contact still being somewhat communication with family members who they cut off it’s because it’s hard to completely cut someone off so they opt for low contact which means only when necessary to check in for birthdays or holidays. But they’re saying I can’t keep you in my space majority of the time because you hurt me and you are feeling too pay attention to it. How about you would argue if that’s kind of your vibe because you lack a lot of empathy clearly I can’t diagnose you cause I don’t know you well enough, but you lack introspection and you lack empathy
I’m a Gen X parent and my wife and I best prepared our Gen Z kids to survive in this world as we could. I told them both, do something customer facing. Jobs that don’t do that get automated or outsourced to low wage countries. I don’t expect to hear from them much. That tells me they are doing ok. I am a firm believer in “no news is good news.” We are available if they need us.
Honestly, I disagree with simply saying these people were bad parents, some kids just grow up to become spoiled entitled unappreciative adults as well.
I'm Gen X, sweetie and I'm getting on in years. I don't have time for ALL your little feelings. I raised myself, my kids AND grandkids. I'm TIRED! BUH-bye!
I agree 100% with the second lady! Sometimes the kids are TERRIBLE and always were as a child and growing up into a teenager and into adulthood. SOME OF YALL WERE HORRIBLE!!! I’m right at the end of GenX and the beginning of Millennium 1980. Sometimes it’s the adult kids who are the problem!!!
I’m a millennial and I went no contact with my parents for years of abuse (father physically and prolonged drug use and mother trafficked me after father left and robbed me and my children more times than I can count and prolonged drug use) and I’ve been so at peace and my kids and I are noticeably thriving. They’ve tried repeatedly to reach out and honestly my soul is tired. I must protect my family and do great things in my life and not let the pressure of “oh they’re your parents” and the “Bible says this and that”. My soul is tired of hurting.
I have been estranged from my mother since 2013, and we do not speak or converse or do anything. It is for the best. I would get anxiety if she wanted to open up communications because she is a provoker, and she has provoked me all my life from childhood to adulthood. I don't need that kind of stress. I'm glad, assumedly, that she doesn't want to communicate. That way I don't get a heart attack, check into a mental facility, or go to jail.
Parents have existed without children; Children have never existed without their parents. So, to assume your parents will be slighted by your absence is an unrealistic expectations. It gives main character for those who do this as a means to punish their parents vs a necessity due to parental neglect, malice or A-buse.
So she is 30 and still on mommys phone plan? She goes no contact with her parents, now her whole family wants nothing to do with her? Maybe time to look in the mirror and own your shit.
I'm watching this one right now and as she's going down the list of her family that she is NC with when the rest have active relationships with each other, I just keep thinking she needed to listen to herself and ask. "Am I the baddie?"
The last women... Is just some Karen ... They treat my daughter sweet, but what about ME & my HUSBAND.... Memememe, I I I I I, she sounds like she just wants to use them when convenient 3 generations (siblings, parents, grandma) want nothing to do with HER. her daughter is innocent THAT is why they reach out to her 🤔
I have emotional immature and narcissistic parents that I've realized never should've been parents. My mother never knew her father and was abandoned by her mother as a child so yeah she hated when I was emotional and jealous any time I got attention. My father hid his past from us but would explode at any slight inconvenience so it we walked on pins and needles around the house. When I went through some trauma at the hands of a family friend my father blamed me and my mother ignored the conversation. Not even a sorry, hug, nothing. I tried talking to them and giving them a second chance, but it didn't work. Stopped talking to him in 2016 and stopped talking to her in 2023 after my grandmother died. Some people aren't just meant to be parents.
Spoiled brats and the parents think we spoiled you we tried to give you everything and you think I am just supposed to do anything you want. They created a monster. Now they are finally tired of it. My sister is going through this now. She is diagnosed with cancer. She needs her Twentty one year old daughter who still lives at home to step up and help around the house. She doesnt. Why would she? Shes never had to before. Spoiled ungrateful brats.
Many of them are not bothered ...because they KNOW they are wrong .. Even if they won't admit... They just want the kid to just shut up about it and make them look good in front of others. Most who's parent continue to try to weasel their way in after or guilt the kid WISHES the parent would respect their wishes.... Not wondering why aren't they chasing me, those kids are different and go no contact to punish for attention, to be chased and have the parent beg for them back, like that guy said.
“My parents haven’t apologized or made amends for making me, a 30 year old woman married with children pay for our own cell phone bill”. Sounds just like my sister. You grow up and have responsibilities and all of a sudden everyone is toxic and doesn’t understand how you’re struggling so much. Poor you for being an adult and doing the absolute bare minimum.
1:20 they didn’t want kids but either they didn’t realize that until AFTER they already had kids or they knew they didn’t want kids but due to societal pressures felt obligated to have kids. I don’t villainize the gen x’ers or boomers for their initial feelings of not wanting kids.
For me personally, i tried to have a one on one with my father. but, thanks to my stepmom being a spiteful person she kept interjecting and interrupting and my father just has the tendency to go along with whatever she wants.
They don't care and that's the point of the whole thing. They JUST don't care... When we go no contact with our parents it's because the relationship is beyond repair, this is not an act of revenge. We are not craving attention, we are grieving and trying to mend our pieces...
Wait.. you are an adult, and made an adult decision to not be in contact with your parents. Gen X parents are respecting your decision/boundaries and giving you the space that you requested, and now you are mad that the parents are not in contact with you - or begging you to be in contact? I know every situation is different. I know there is bad parenting. But *this* as a concept and a complaint is RICH.
I think the point you’re missing is that the parents are too egotistical to apologize, even when they know they’re in the wrong. If a simple apology is too much to mend the relationship, then no contact was the right decision
@@EnlightenedGoldenBeautyMaybe they don’t have anything to apologize for. I’m not a parent, but from what I can tell Zoomers are an awful generation of entitled loudmouth brats. You’re probably doing them a favor breaking off contact.
Many of these Millennials are Narcissistic and due to SM feel that they are the center of the universe. No, you are not that important. One is an Adult at 18, your parents don't owe you anything beyond that age. If they can help with college, great.
This! I think there are valid reasons to go no contact but many of these kids just want to use it as manipulation. It's like if you're gonna go, stay gone!
They also look for their share of the generational wealth (if there's any) to be given to them. Will also complain about what they received with others.... I've seen too much of this from different generations....
That part! Thank you. I'm Generation X and we're the most non-problematic generation. We're the first generation to experience crackhead parents coming home from school by ourselves at age 6 in our own meal, his latchkey kids.
I think she meant that their silence and the Boomers/Gen xers lack of concern for their children going no contact is a reinforcement of why and how they raise their children. A lot of them didn't care about their children and it's still a sad realisation to come to terms with even if you know how toxic the parent is. It's deeply saddening that they could not care less about their child's absence in their lives.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 this is the arrogant and narcissistic mindset of children. We do not talk about y’all like you imagine. We actually have lives outside of our children.
When children go no contact the parents must respect that and leave them alone. No reaching out, nothing. I'm pretty sure all parents regardless of generation are hurt when their adult children no longer have relationships with their parents.
As a Gen X.. I agree with the parents going no contact or complying with this request. The only thing that I feel needs to be done also is, the generations after us should stop using them as a launch pad to start over. Leave their resources alone. Don't move into their homes. Because, when I was growing up, and struggled financially. I didn't borrow from my mother. I lived with her once. But, rented single bedrooms until I got a full time job. Because, I am an adult. I think they should be consistent with it. I personally don't care about the pyscho-babble of trying to call us narcissistic(it's just talk. And, it's being weaponized to judge others from a pedastel they've created for themselves). I was told very young that the world owes you nothing. Yes, that means the parents are included.
Some Gen Xers aren't willing to admit they messed up with their adult kids they're so filled with ego (e.g. "I'm right, you're wrong!", "Do as I say not as I do!") hence why the no contact is initiated by the adult kids. And whether you want to accept it or not or like it or not, narcissism in Baby Boomers and GenXs Parents do exist as much as narcissistic adult kids. Why do you think books authored by Susan Forward are so popular and recommended to GenXers dealing with Baby Boomer narcissist parents?
@@Laquia Whether you like it or not? There's actually no such thing as narcissism. There's no record of how to successfully raise children. There's no proof that wealth being passed down to the next generation actually guarantees that they'll fulfill a legacy. Whenever, most of you talk about all this narcissism, it reminds me of the days when people followed "Eastern philosophies". It suddenly vanished. And, the people who got famous for this doctrine? Well, a lot of them are in prison for fraud. So, you can't see this now. You're like many who are very arrogant. Because, most of you have been emboldened by your therapists(who are modern day psychics) to believe that if you confront your parents and go no contact that this will hurt them like they hurt you. Well, as you can see, your dollars didn't prepare you for the fallout. The best you can do is, prepare your own children to walk away from you. There are actual laws in place that give children the right to remove their parents' guardianship. They already have the right to get birth control without a parents consent. And, there's also child protective services that can give you a guardian. Because, reality is, no one owes you anything. You are independent and an individual as soon as you are born. The sooner you come to this realization, the better. But, that's my two cents.
@@Laquia Part of being an Adult means taking ownership of one's life & stop blaming others. Some of these Millennials act like they are still teenagers. You are heading into middle aged and still act like you are 14. Get over your parents. Do you think that Boomers and Gen X had perfect parents? We didn't have the luxury of virtue signaling word salad generation. We got on with life and dealt with shit.
@@mtngrl5859 Part one of being an adult is admitting to the wrongs you made that hurt those around you especially your adult children. After all, their parents didn't because they felt they could do no wrong (and never even like their kids to respect their kids) so they thought to themselves "well why should I then"? Part of also being an adult is owning up to your mistakes you made as a parent to your adult children. Some of these Baby Boomers/GenXers are way too prideful as if they're above reproach with an air of superiority they like to possess that makes it hard to breathe around them most times. Are you yourself too good to own up? Surely you are not a 💯% flawless parent yourself who has never made a mistake in their years of parenting. You acknowledged not being a perfect parent, but you sure as FN hell act like it when it comes to cultural differences in generations. And you couldn't be more wrong than you already are. FYI I am 32 (didn't expect that huh? Nah didn't think you would lol). I won't be middle aged until 2035. Your generation was the "children should be seen and not heard" which meant you didn't have the privilege to have a voice, to be independent critical thinkers, to challenge the societal status quo. You were raised to do what you were told and shut up while doing it. If you had any issues regarding school or life you were dismissed because again, "children should be seen and not heard" generation all the way up to adulthood for those "generational milestones" (e.g. go to college, get a job, get married, buy a house, have kids, retire, grow old and die). Welp, guess what? We couldn't do that because surprise surprise the 2008 recession happened, and after that there was the pandemic. With the cultural shift change you may not (want) to understand certain terms/labels (you're old - keep up) used by millennials and gen zers so we can understand the definitions and descriptions of said terms/labels used between current generations. You treat it as "virtue signaling word salad generation" as you call it (wtf that means) because by your archaic attitude you lack being open-minded by staying in an outsiders position no of us forced you to be in. Simply, if you wanna understand us why we do what we do compared to generations before us, like you would want us to do for y'all, be compassionate and willing to listen and process what we've been saying. It's the bare minimum. If we can do it why the hell can't yall? Oh of course, how could I've forgotten? Because of y'all pride.
@@mtngrl5859 @mtngrl5859 If you can't own up that you messed up as a parent to your own adult children (e.g admit your mistakes, own up to you wrongs inflicted onto them) compared to them that try to do better with their children while young to avoid the mistakes you made? It says a lot about you as a person more than it does as a parent. The pride you hold is more important than the pain you caused to your own adult child that made them go NC on you. And FYI, I'm not middle aged like you. I won't be until 2035 LMAO
This is so weird. Going No contact with someone means NO CONTACT and completely cutting ties. I have no emotional ties or relational ties with my “parents” at all. I have no idea how they responded to my no contact and I don’t care- they are dead to me. If they ever contact me again I will contact the police for a restraining order and they know that, I have already had one against my father but it has lapsed. People expecting a reaction from no contact are not actually wanting no contact, they do not want to actually cut ties if they are wanting a reaction and to have those parents to try to contact them. Personally, if mine tried I would immediately feel unsafe and call the police, as my father was extremely abusive and nearly killed me multiple times and my mother was worse imo. People need to grow up and stop using NC as a manipulation tactic imo. NC is NC, and the severing of all emotional ties to that person. If you want a relationship with someone- communicate FFS.
I think people in every generation can have issues with their parents. It has nothing to do with a specific "generation" and "no contact" is not a new phenomenon. Plenty of people from ALL generations have cut toxic parents (and kids) out of their lives. If you had or have good parents you'll usually have a good adult relationship. I'm a GenX and I wouldn't say I'm no contact but I limit my interactions with my dad because he's just not a good person. My mom died when I was 14 and she and I also had a very tumultuous relationship. What I won't do is go on social media ripping them apart for clicks, likes and validation. I keep my dad at a distance and that works for us. Therapy is a great tool if you have willing parents. The licensed man at 5:15 hit the nail on the head.
You said you were 14 when your mother died. No 14 year old girl likes her mother. It is actually part of the growing up process. You need to go threw that stage, just like you need to go threw the terrible twos. Hard on mom, who has no idea why her sweet little girl hates her. Especially hard with the first daughter when you have no idea why. There was a study done on teenagers asking them to judge a person's emotions based on photos. Their answers were compared to adults. Adults saw a wide range of emotions from, tired, worried, stressed, distracted, sad, happy, puzzled, etc. Teenagers either saw happy or angry. Mostly angry. I wish I knew this when my teens were young. Young teen stage does not last for ever. One day they grow up. My youngest, while feeding her first baby, suddenly looked over at me and said, "If she ever pulls the BS, I pulled on you, I am going to kill her." I laughed. She realized just how difficult she had been.. If your mother was alive there is every chance you would be fast friends now. This represents worse case issues. Most people get along with their parents as they age. These are the exceptions. But there has always been bad, unloving parents and horrible,spoiled children. I have known people who cut contact with their parents and parents who cut contact with their children. Sometimes, for your own sanity, you half to. Non of those people made the decision lightly. The person asking the question at the beginning actually comes across as manipulative. And I am guessing her parents are simply old and tired and just can not deal with her anymore. So, not getting her way she goes online trying to throw a guilt trip.
Same situation. As a child I overheard my mom say that my dad begged her to get preggo. I haven't spoken to or seen her in years. She does not care. It hurt at first but I'm okay with it now.
My Heavenly Father told me to go no contact with my parents over a year ago. They were born in 1934 and 1938. I didn’t go to my earthly dad’s funeral again my Heavenly Father told me not too. He put an end to their toxic narcissistic control over me! Praise The Living God! I have Never looked back. Now I forgive them whole heartedly. They were children during WWII and suffered a lot. But I have never been emotionally stable and stronger.
I've been no-contact with my baby boomer mother for 3 yrs. I still love her very much. All of this is due to her mental illness and her being in a cult. This has made her into a very toxic human. I chose myself and my sanity. Through therapy I have found a sense of peace. I know there is not chance for a reconciliation. She doesn't reach out to me (plus, I've blocked her) When she eventually will pass, I will go to her funeral if I am invited from the rest of my family.
@nicoobrowner59 She is a Jehovahs witness so is alot of my mother's side of the family. I view them as a cult. I grew up in it so I saw it from the inside. I left them 20 yrs ago.
My dad canceled Christmas (we drove from 2 states over) because I didn’t want to stop at his house on the way to dinner with them so my toddler could nap. He hasn’t really spoken to me since and seemingly could not give any shits that his only living kid and grandkid have no relationship with him. He loves to post on social media like he’s a part of my daughter’s life though.
This lady literally said that some parents know that their kids are an asshole at 4. That's insane as fk. 4????? This is why some of them crazy parents were arguing with their toddlers and kindergarten kids. Crazy ASF.
I went no contact with my family back in December and it was one of the hardest things I had to do in my life and as a result it has made me depressed and caused me to have anxiety on a daily basis. What made me go no contact with them was when I was in army basic training they never called me, wrote me letters or even showed up to my graduation.
Someone in the comments said it takes two years. Sorry to hear what happened but congrats on your wonderful achievements and hang in there. It will get so much better
I’m so sorry, I promise you it will get better and you made the right decision! You will find people who will be excited that you got dressed today, keep going 🙏🏽✨💜
Here's a question, did you write or call? I need to know, because I took advantage of the weekly phone calls. No one came to my basic graduation, because AIT overlapped basic, so I didn't have one. No one came to my AIT graduation. Out of 6 military milestones, (basic, AIT, BNCOC, Drill Sergeant School, ANCOC and retirement), my parents showed up for Drill Sergeant School graduation and retirement ceremony.
Not true I’m Gen X (1975) my daughter was born in 2007 and I’m crazy about my kid ♥️. I wanna go to college with her so I don’t worry so much 🤗. I’m Black Native American from the south (Louisiana) and as southerners we tend to keep our kids closer while allowing them to venture out but not that far. Same happened to me we are very family oriented we don’t play when it comes to family and we are all we got and it means the world to my family and the ancestors don’t play. If u don’t receive what u need from ur Gen X parents start a new with ur offspring show them how it should be done. Be better u got this!!!♥️♥️♥️
There's a very big difference between feeling hurt bc your parents don't seem to care if they have you in their lives vs getting mad that they didn't react how you wanted or that you're not getting attention from them. I went no contact with my father off and on but mostly no contact for about 15 years. From what I I can tell, he's not even noticed. He was abusive and I have a sense of peace without him present. I've grieved for the father I needed, not the one I actually had. But if I said it didn't hurt at all that he doesn't care, I'd be lying.
The LCSW dude is right about attention seeking. I did not tell my father that I wasn't going to speak with him again when we moved away from him. I was done and moving forward, nothing left to say to him. Once he had time to stew and take in reality, we talk and have actually learned more and are still learning more about each other. He did not know me at all or what I was going through at all. He had to discover some things about himself and I am happy that we are healing now. But again, if he decides to go backward, that is okay, I will keep continuing my healing journey without him again. That's how relationships are for me though, I'm not going to be torn up over someone who doesn't have enough of their shit together to coexist peacefully, I wish you well on your healing journey and we will part ways. Simple. But not everyone's situation is the same I get that, just be mindful of the words you speak into the world. We are powerful.
I am a Gen X mother to GenZ I was threatened with no contact because I was not happy to go to therapy because I felt it was one sided (we have a good relationship now thank God because went to family therapy ).I love my kids but if they don’t want contact with me for a reason that I hurt them I respect that ,I will be old in peace without worrying about children.If anyone hurt me I would go no contact with them too.
Im not talking to my father because he walked out on us and didn't care if we where dying for hungry. I am a weaknesse of a trad family. Father work and mother stay at home . Every time my mother got the opportunity to do good for herself he turn it down. When we his kids got the opportunity to do well with our life he did the same thing. From a trender age at 13 i knew my father was a selfish man .
The woman who went no contact with family and grandmother might be the toxic one. Your family might feel relieved. Your parents and siblings being of one accord might be a clue.
Yeah how do you cut out literally everyone? My dad was a raging alcoholic growing up, and it made me and my sister closer for it. “Everyone” is rarely the problem.
Gotta be honest. The younger generations are so whiny. They are so needy. They never learned any sort of physical, or emotional independence or responsibility. The more I listen to them, the happier I am that I never had kids.
I def ghosted my dad and my granny by association. Haven’t seen since I was 18(35 now). He def he didn’t want me. Ion care what nobody say. You can’t gaslight me either
I don't talk to my father because when i got the opportunity at my new school that i liked which i was doing well to better myself, he moved the whole family to come home where no opportunity was granted, to be with friends the older i got i realized it was for a side chick because he was married. To make it sad 😔 me and my sister beg him and went on our knees and that couldn't change his mind. Men do play with there children future too and it hurts. I will never forgive him.
I'm a boomer who pretty much went no contact with my Gen X daughter because of her toxicity. But I miss her but can't deal with it. But if she needs me for anything she knows I'm there for her.
I'm Gen X and went no contact with my mom who is a Boomer. I want you all to understand that they never change. You need to just let go and go no contact. The more you try to explain what they did and how you feel the more they will deny and blame you and become the victim. You will lose everyone who is talking to them. Siblings, aunts,uncles and even the other parent. You will get cast out of the family pretty quickly because you see the truth. My mom was calling me and using other families members to contact me. Once I told her that I don't want to talk her and I need space from her. She has slowed down the contacting me but it really never ends. Block everything. Cell phones, email, and social media. Cause they always find away. There is a reason why you left. You can't go back to who hurt you to heal. ❤❤❤
I would say fear in more causes than not. Fear of being vulnerable and living in survival mode. In my conversations with boomers and gen x's, oftentimes, they haven't dealt with their own trauma and are therefore emotionally indept. Undiagnosed mental health is a large part of the problem as well.
No we really do not care. I’m Gen X with 3 children. 2 adults and one teenager. I know I am a good mother and did above and beyond expectations. So if they for whatever reasons decided to go no contact. I don’t care. My children are amazing but they don’t bring any value to my actual life. No children bring value to their parents lives. Children aren’t beneficial. They are a cost. They cost mentally, physically, emotionally and financially. While offering nothing. So if something that is constantly taking removes itself from your life. It’s actually a benefit. If you really want to hurt your parents. Stay have lots of grandchildren and constantly take more from them. Otherwise going no contact is doing them a favor.
Because they’re saying they went no contact and then complaining that their parents are respecting that instead of begging them to change their minds. The parents don’t want to be accused of harassing them or end up with restraining orders. If you cut someone off and regret it, it’s on you to make the first move. The one woman with the 10 year old said she changed her phone number and blocked her parents but is complaining that they don’t care enough to find a way to contact her anyway. She implies that they chose pride over family, but it sounds like she’s projecting. She cut THEM off.
My father is a narcissist and my mother is his enabler. She’s not cold and unfeeling and self centered like he is, but she never stood up to him to protect us. Anyway, I sent her my no contact letter because i thought she WOULD care I was cutting contact. I think she may genuinely care, but I also think her identity is so tied up in “being loved” (she sees it as love) by my father that she can’t give that up, no matter the cost.
What’s wrong with yall generation? We owe our adult kids life guidance and support. Our children are our children for life. My 93 year old grandpa let his adult son move back home due to a sickness. Y’all are so weird. Keep that same energy when you get old and sick
@@EnlightenedGoldenBeautyPlenty wrong with my generation (GenX, b. 1976), but one thing we learned is to be okay with being alone and independent, so I’m good even if I get old and sick. Kids who go no contact and then turn around and cry about their parents not talking to them is deeply weird, so maybe examine *that* generation.
Also an LCSW/therapist here. The male LCSW is wrong, wrong, wrong. Most adult children don’t go no contact as a result of “slights” from parents. There is likely a decades long history of abuse, lack of respect and making the child/adult child feel worthless. There is either more context needed or this therapist is minimizing the harm those parents have done to those clients. His tone and affect appear to be in line with the latter. If their reason for no contact were so trivial, then why would they feel a need to process it in therapy? Also, this therapist presented two extremes such as SA/physical/mental abuse and “slights”. Of course, it makes sense that someone would go no contact as a result of those abuses. However, the reason why millennials and gen zers go no contact are nuanced and can also include emotional or physical neglect, parentification, or not respecting their boundaries as adults, which are all valid and make sense. This therapist really needs to work on his empathy and validation. Most adult children do not cut parents/the most influential adult in their lives due to feeling “slighted”. Make it make sense.
I have 3 children 2 adults and one teenager. I know for a fact that I was/am a good mother. So if they go no contact for whatever reason. I don’t care. More money in my pockets.
I am older and in excellent health. If I get sick I would rather be in a nursing home. I have no interest in staying with my kids if I got sick.😊 We learned not to be crybabies. It is what it is. My siblings don't contact me because they cannot use me. I don't care. I come from a covert narc familyline. I am overcoming by Christ help. But, if someone don't like me or don't want contact with me. Its fine with me. Life goes on. Jesus Christ is Lord.
I disagree. Sometimes the kids may be the perpetrators and are too proud to admit it. My family recently went to funeral of the son of a family friend. That son put the mother through THE MOST for years (drugs and alcohol), almost killed her with stress until when he chose to walk away from her, she let him. She never looked back. She didn't even go to see him on his final hours. She didn't want to hurt anymore. She truly gave up on her son and it saved her. It saved her sanity. I don't blame her AT ALL. Ofcourse not all parents are just 'strict' , some are abusive I am in full support of kids who choose to go no contact
Is it their egos, or is it more complicated than that. Unfortunately, ppl can't give you what they dont have. Once we learn to let go of our own expectations of others, then peace will follow... whether it's, no contact or limited contact. Healthy boundaries and managed expectations are the key.
