I am a 70 yo transgender woman who hid it for 65 years for fear of losing my spouse of 39 years and my children. My biggest fears came true in February 2019 when they all abandonded me, and amm not allowed to visit the grandchildren. The next few years have been extremely difficult but I have created a loving community with a Reconcilling in Christ Lutheran church and my recovery community. Shay you are an amazingly beautiful woman and I will continue to follow your journey.
You are very courageous and I feel for you about the loss and your family’s inability to support you and continue to love you as a person. Churches sadly do a lot of damage. And as we can see with these ladies above in the video, there is a need to grow spiritually in this journey and that sometimes means outgrowing a church. I wish you all the love and I hope that some members can grow enough to include you back in their lives ❤
I can’t believe people would treat you that way. Oh how much that must hurt. I hope that you feel life is more meaningful now still. Sending you so much love!
I found your channel after my wife came out as transgender. I understand how isolating it can be to be a partner to someone who is transgender. Other people understand to a certain extent but it’s hard to not feel alone going through her transition. Your videos help and I look forward to trying to find trans groups in our area. Thank you for both of you sharing your experiences ❤️❤️
This video should have a million views by now. No matter where you come from, how you were raised, and what you believe: EVERYBODY NEEDS TO HEAR THIS. The underlying theme is acceptance. Meet people where they are, love them, and do it all over again. Period. Thank you for giving us an amazing example of this ideal.
As a member of the LGBTQ + community understanding the trans journey is still not something we hear about often. I’m so grateful to families like yours who have made it possible for our community to understand what our own people are going through. ❤
I also am from the LGBTQ+ community, I am so thankful for your videos. Share your experiences showing that it's normal tonight be who ever you are or who you feel like is your authentic self is amazing. I know that you have probably had people be rude and hateful please don't them slow your families down love is love and the love you both share with your partners is extremely beautiful. Thank you so much
Amanda, I've learned so much from you and Shay over the last couple years and I'm grateful for your willingness to share and be open in the face of the often times ugly side of the YTverse. My beautiful daughter is in a transgender relationship and her incandescent happiness in finding her person has been a fulfilling thing to witness. I wish more people were willing to see past their religious beliefs and just love without judgement. I've found in her journey what on the surface is acceptance, is actually quiet, desperate internal prayer for her salvation and I don't know how to deal with that when I feel it from others. Much love to you and yours! 🌈❤
Wow, this video is such a breath of fresh air. As a trans-woman myself being married to my wife, I deeply appreciate this interview! So thank you for this. ❤
I came out as trans three years ago, at 45. I can really relate to what you're saying and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for posting these videos ❤ I'm convinced that the love and acceptance you have for your spouses will spread across the world and make it a better place for all of us. Greetings from Finland. Love Theo ❤
Thank you for this video. My wife came out as trans 3 years ago and it feels lonely as I rarely come across other women in the same situation as me, thank you for sharing this representation
Subbed. Im not trans, and i dont have anyone in my life that is trans, but i am an ally. I cant understand what it feels like to be trans or have a partner who is, but i think its important for the rest of us to have a better understanding from an outsider perspective. And im sure your channel brings a lot of hope for others struggling with their gender
"Forging a new path, learning new things, and unlearning many things along the way." You are seriously THE BEST... I love how full of love and acceptance you are. 💜 I found it interesting that you both touched on the moment you realized that the future you envisioned can no longer exist. As a parent of a trans man (who came out in his teens), something my support groups spoke about is how even if you support your loved one 100% and are a true ally (which I am), you still have to go through a grieving period for that fantasized future. We're all human, we all think about the future, and it's okay to feel scared about no longer knowing how that will look. I never thought about it in the context of a spouse, but of course you would go through the same thing! And how cool that once your vision of the future changes, a whole host of new things open up. 😊
This is an incredible experience, learning more about the trans community than I ever thought. I hope you continue to share the journey with us, so that we can understand your needs and what it is like to be here now with the world opening up to a reality that love is love and is more about consciousness than body parts. Thank you for sharing Amanda and Holly💕👍
Thank you so much for sharing your journey. My wife and I have been together 18 years and married for 16 years, and I began my trans discovery four years ago. It's really inspiring to hear from you, how you've dealt with being the wife and supporting your trans wife's in their struggles and journey. I've often felt guilty for changing the dynamics of our relationship, and this helps a lot to year your sides.
I loved listening to your conversation, and am so glad you have each other for support and understanding. My daughter is trans, she first told me almost 4 years ago when she was 20. We have been so fortunate that our whole family have accepted her truth, even though some struggled to understand. The honest truth is, so did I, in the beginning. I’ve learned over the last 4 years that the abstract concept of someone coming out as trans is much, much harder to accept and understand than it is when the trans person is a loved one. My daughter may look completely different now, go by a different name, but she is essentially the same person she always was, still that little baby I carried and gave birth to. The sense of humour hasn’t changed, or the smile, though I get to see that so much more than I did before! I have come to realise that if you really love someone, the fact they are trans makes no difference to how you feel about them.
I have just found your channel and this video in particular - I'm going to send a link to my wife. She has known I am trans for 35ish of our 37 years together, I have lived a lie since I was 5 years old and finally started falling apart 10 years ago. All my family, friends and former work colleagues have been absolutely fine but the person I want acceptance from really struggles with it.
I appreciate your videos so much. I am not LDS, but from another conservative faith. I have been opening my mind to understand and listen to journeys like yours. I remember several years ago watching a video of a pastor’s family whose daughter was transgender. They shared their journey navigating their faith and loving their daughter. It really hit home for me. I love my own children so deeply. I would never abandon them no matter their journey. I have been moved in the same way by your story and the love you have for each other. I am so happy you have found friends that are sharing your experience. Someone who you can talk to like this is such a blessing.
What a beautiful and insightful video!❤ I have so much love and admiration for both of you and your journeys! Thank you, Amanda and Holly, for sharing your experiences with the world!
Awesome video Great Scotts. The acceptance and insight you model for the world, what a gift to yourselves, your family, your community, and the larger world. Beautiful. Cheers!
In my experience, understanding myself for who I am has given me a courage I never thought possible. While I do see the complexities of acceptance experienced by my extended family and the friends who stayed after I transitioned, I think that that very challenge helps them see the social barriers we each impose on ourselves a little bit better. My greatest sense of accomplishment in all of this transition business is, as Hollie and Amanda mentioned, knowing that my children know they can be themselves and have my uncompromised love. If not for love, why does anything matter? - Amanda, Hollie. Thank you so much for sharing about your lives, your strength, your immeasurable love humanity ❤
I have struggled for weeks. Coming up on 2 years HRT and nearly 8 years transitioning openly, this video and channel has given me so much hope. Name change, gender marker and birth certificate change in the past two years. Life truly does get better.
Why is there a reason to be proud because you're staying with the transwoman? Unfortunately you don't really talk about the entire experience. For instance, most women who find out that their male partner is becoming a trans woman will end the relationship for various reasons. The first one is that there is a grieving process because this person that you were with it no longer exists. The second part that needs to be revealed is that as a heterosexual woman if you decide to stay with the Trans woman, you are now faced with becoming a lesbian. If you were not lesbian prior to this or bisexual, you cannot just change your orientation just to accommodate your new spouse. One should not sacrifice their own sexual orientation just to maintain a relationship. The hormonal changes do not allow for the previous person to be available to you anymore. I'm not even mentioning the potential physical and psychological repercussions and complications here. I have personally accepted to support my spouse from a 12-year relationship into his transition. There was however a time where I needed to step away in order to accept the grieving process that I was going through. I could have denied this along with my sexual orientation and choose to remain in the relationship where I was solely a support for the other while ignoring my own needs. It's a very big sacrifice which I was not prepared to offer. However you perceive the support you are offering to your spouse, I unfortunately don't believe that everything is all Rosy and everyone's happy here. They make it sound way too easy to accept all this. I don't live in that bubble. In fact there is a word for the women who lose their partner to their transition, we are called trans widows. And by the way, the LDS church does not approve of homosexuality or bisexuality. I was hoping that this video would speak a bit more of the general reality of those who have to leave their spouse because they are transitioning. I really can't relate to this situation where everything is rainbows and unicorns.
I loved that you brought this conversation to the table. No one will understand what this journey may be like if it's not shared. Love the Scotts and loved you bringing Holly into the conversation!!! Thank you both for sharing your experiences so we can learn more understanding and compassion.
Hi guys, I just wanted to get it off my chest. I've been following you since your channel was very small and you did mostly renovations and cool editing videos. I don't know why, but although I really liked your content, I've always felt that something was off - both of you were highly skilled, educated, but I felt that you were... performing? Too perfect to exist. Then, I saw your video that you were actually Mormon and left the church. And I don't know, I have this impression that I can finally see the real you - emotional, struggling, but also fulfilled and happy. I am also part of the LGBT+ community as nonbinary pansexual, with many friends who are also trans, so I get how hard it must be to confront with this reality. Good luck on this journey and hopefully everything will go your way!
A lot of work just for a body change, your mind is the same, I feel the same about any change to your body, obviously people think it's worth the change, good luck ❤
Thank you Amanda and Holly for telling your story! I am in the exact same situation with my spouse coming out as trans. Unfortunately, some close family members were not accepting and have chosen to reject us completely, and that has caused us both great pain and intensified the feelings of isolation. I'd love an even longer form conversation with spouses, if possible. I think there are still so many topics on this that can be delved deeper if you and others are willing.
My wife would leave me. How do I know? She told me that. Being trans is so isolating as it is. I hope all people evolve into the future and mirror these two wonderful women.
8:32 anybody who has claimed to be a friend who doesn’t support you, has only been a friend with conditions. The two of you are amazing. Thank you for standing by your wives.
Exactly and I lost many friends coming out as pansexul and marrying a women being a women. Having trans kid and lesbian and biasexul kids. I love regardless of anybody gender weather be trans man women non binary cis women or man or gender fluid. But fell in love with my wife. Now we happy the people who claimed be my friend's are not. I have made friends through my work now
Thank you. I am not trans and have struggled to understand. Your videos by far have been the best at explaining this and your love has been truly inspiring. You both are gifts to a world that seems very divided
I went on my sons field trip and one of the girls just randomly told me during lunch time that her dad was transitioning. This little girls is in the 4th grade. I honestly wonder if she thought I would be shocked. But instead I said “wow! That’s so interesting! How are you feeling about it?” She talked about some of her feelings about things. I hope I didn’t do or say anything that could hurt her. I told her that she should always talk to her parents about her feelings because they really do want to know what she feels. i also told her that I have a trans female family member and that it was an adjustment, but that I also learned that they were still the amazing person as before and I still love them the same as before. I honestly hope what I said to this sweet little girl was ok. If either of you or your spouses have advice on how to talk with kids when it’s randomly brought up like that I would appreciate it. I want to help and spread love, never make a child feel bad about it. Thanks! ❤
It says so much about you two are as human beings that you were both able to be open enough to change your views on the world. Both of your families are reflections of that. I have some much love for all of you
I wish Amanda would have allowed her guests to speak A little bit more. I really enjoy listening to Amanda and Shay's story, but I would have liked to have heard more details about her guest and her wife's experience.
My spouse will be 54 tomorrow and has been struggling so much with this mostly the fear of rejection and that our children will not accept this. My feeling is life is short. Be who you are meant to be and not live with regrets
I'm a straight Ally who considers my LGBTQ+ community my family. It's so wonderful you both were able to keep an open mind after the brainwashing of religion. ❤❤❤
I love the discussion about sexuality and the spectrum that one can be on. There is a lot of misconceptions of trans men only liking women or trans women only liking men. This is again where the separation of gender and sexuality exist! ❤
Wonderful to hear your stories on this!! It’s incredibly humanizing to hear Holly say how once she tried to see things from her wife’s perspective and how much Cassie was struggling to live the way society felt she had to live even though it was eating her alive. That’s how it feels for sure and I’m so appreciative Holly was willing to listen and take Cassie seriously. Thank you Holly for truly listening and trying to understand ❤
As a cis gay man seeing families take this journey is amazing. And as a cis gay man know I have your back and will always support your family no matter what.
Thank you ladies for all the positive stories and support. It helps to give others permission to open their hearts to the possibilities of expanding their love beyond what they have originally thought. We love and support you too.❤
I so appreciate your honesty. It is clear you both have wonderfully full, healthy relationships with the ones you love. Transcending societal rules to be with the one you love is the truest expression of love.
I think it's beautiful the way you talk about your children learning they can be authentic and in turn appreciate and understand it in others. Anyone that comments "poor kids," I just say the neglected, abused, traumatized kids are the ones that need help and there are so many of them in this world, but don't see any of that in yours. Lovely family!!! 💏
The kids of both families featured in this vid appear to be thriving. If their trans parents had continued on struggling with body dysmorphia, I wonder what effect that would have had on the kids. I’m thinking that if the parents are living true to themselves and are united, the kids will flourish.
What a gift you two have presented! I know you know that the ripples are going to reach around the world spreading love, compassion, honor, acceptance and much much more! Much love to you both and your beautiful families ❤
This is hard for me to understand. What I mean is that I could not imagine being in your situation. I appreciate your thoughtful dialogue about your experiences and for shining light on a different perspective. I think open dialogue is the best way to foster understanding and dispel fear.
As usual you are teaching me about love and acceptance, GD and transitioning. I was excited to see that this was just about both of your perspectives, which came across to me as a supporting role and I hope in the future you can take a deeper dive on a more selfish level. Let me explain, I understand being attracted to your same sex partner and your choice to remain married and that you conintue to love them as they are. I also understand the deep sense of empathy you both have for your partner's suffering, however, I feel like there is a missing puzzle piece. You talked in terms of being thrown for a loop in terms of your LDS background, family, friends and societal norms, and perhaps I am making a incorrect assumption about your experience because I thought grief would be a step in the process. In a way you are losing the future you envisioned and the past you shared with your husband. A dear friend of mine had a baby born with down syndrome, which is like your experience in that, it was surprise at birth and really threw her for a loop! She joned a support groups of other DS parents and was told that what she was morning is the idea of her childs future and that she needed to change her expectation of what her daughters future would be. Her husband could easily change his perspective but she was quite resentful and thought she had every right to mourn, and I just wonder if either of you mourned at some stage of the process?
In some strange way, part of me wonders if people from more traditional/conservative religious backgrounds are uniquely equipped to handle situations like these because one of the few redeeming qualities of the church is that emphasis on community and support. So that if you are able to shed those homophobic beliefs, you're still left with the courage to stick with someone you love even if it takes learning who they are all over again.
Inspiring!! I'm trans and I had so much fear coming out to friends and family because of the dialog out there but was pleased how they all love me still! And same goes for people who don't know a trans person, they think it's all bad until they meet me and they are also pleasantly surprised they were wrong. We can all learn from each other I hope society changes more!
Honest question. Do you guys delete comments? I am just shocked there are zero negative comments on any of your videos. Is the world that positive or do you guys delete rude comments?
We have a filter turned on that automatically holds comments that are attacking and degrading (just on RU-vid). There are plenty of other channels that cater to debate and negativity. Having said that, we haven’t gotten any negative responses on this video… yet. 😑
The shorts have negative comments but RU-vid Shorts in general attract more trolls than long-form video, regardless of the content. In real life, most people don't care. They have their own lives and families to worry about. Any hate is usually abstract. People find it much harder to hate people they know.
Wow. These 2 women are the most beautiful beings I’ve ever come across on the internet. While I can’t relate to their stories. Their message is so important. The world is a better place with human beings like this.
My daughter identified as non binary last year, which if people aren't aware, is also part of the trans community. We had lots of discussions about 'what would you like to be called?', and, about pronouns, and now, about lifestyle. But they are at the beginning of the journey and i just wish happiness for them. They are still the same person with the same struggles and joys. Learning alongside them is an honour. I'm glad they have included me in the journey.
Yes my daughter is trans girl I know I am pansexul myself but learning with her is been blessing she growing her hair out till she has longer hair she wearing long wigs she choose. Her new name is Jessie I know not name I give her name she decided. I love it close to her sister who passed at 3 months old 16 years ago. Yes they still same person even with new names and pronouns. Still child I give birth too just she was born this way..I know we gone shopping for new clothes that was fun part her siblings accept her too. My wife and i know she was unhappy school taken her new name and she wears girls uniform and is aloud wear the wig to school too. I think school amazing. Yes I agree it honour learn with our kids your daughter is part trans community they are . Mine is too she trans girl and support her journey.
@blazefairchild465 yes gender-fluid is a non-binary identity. Any gender identity that is neither 100% man 100% of the time nor 100% woman 100% of the time is non-binary. Outside of the man-woman binary.
@@blazefairchild465 I identify as a transgender female which to me means that my psyche, the core of who I am, the way I receive the world around me and respond to it are everything that masculinity is not. Even before transitioning and living with internalized transphobia I lived outside of my body so to say as the female I have always been learned that she was a threat to her/my life because of the violence with which she/I was received in the environment I grew up in. Quickly, I learned how to put her away and keep the world at arms length at the expense of my thriving, mental health, and realizing my potential.. Sorry this went on a tangent. It is all to say that I am not a person of a gender-fluid or non-binary experience and my point of view is that in terms of gender expression, both positions exist outside of gender “norms” and the expected or the ensuring gender expressions. Nonetheless, there are some other individuals who find it safer to identify as non-binary or gender-fluid at the beginning of their transition while they know themselves better. On the other hand, there are individuals who just are not comfortable in either gender binary expression while others are comfortable with one gender binary expression at times, the other at different times or simultaneously which would be fluid. A very good question I never pondered and makes me want to know more. Thank you for asking it 😊
@@blazefairchild465 no it not but non binary is when you don't feel a girl or boy. Gender fluid as I gather from my wife sibling they are gender fluid one day they can feel and girl one day a boy I only going on by my wife sibling. Non binary you don't feel either. I have trans daughter myself still learning along side with her. I love that she could come to me and her other mother that she wasn't a boy she was girl.
Wow such a wonderful story. I found this video while browsing this topic and so glad I did. I shared it with my friends, and subsequently had to translate some of the video to a few who don't speak English :). I think we need more stories like this in all media outlets because it's positive and wholesome! Thank you for sharing your stories with us!
Going through any change in life is hard, having someone sharing it with you makes it so much easier. When happiness is shared it makes it 2 happinesses, when sadness shared, it becomes only half sadness. Love always win and I’m so happy that their transition was so supported and understood by these amazing wives. ❤
Beautiful video! When your said "poorly understood", I think that in Utah.... With MANY of the LDS faith, it isn't even WANTED to be understood. If, as they believe, God created us all..... Then they should be ashamed for judging what was created by Him.... Also for judging at all. ✨💜✨ Thank you, for the beautiful stories and truth!
Exactly I don't Live in utah I grew up in the church all my life till I was in my 30s I stayed even with man I didn't love who abused me because of lds faith. My wife now did too now we healing together with the kids I brought into marriage. Her daughter she brought into marriage. I have trans kid and lesbian kid and two bisexual daughters all are my daughters as trans kid is my trans daughter. She in early stages of transition god made us this way and he wanted us to be happy
What you said about pathologising the experience is so true for many situations. I have seen often times where people are apprehensive towards a certain group of people but then I realise they have never personally met someone who belongs to whatever group that is and I wonder if their view would change if they met someone, for example a trans woman and be friends with them.
I always look forward to getting a notification from you ladies!! I love that you have this beautiful friendship!! Lots of love to all of you amazing ladies!! ❤
I find your path and what you ve been through IS so inspiring 🙏🏻. I m following you from France. I ve been listening to you for only 2 or 3 week... Maybe less. But apart from the gender issues you are sharing, I found that sharing your path (Hope this translation fron French is ok 😊) is opening doors to anyone who wants, and even more need, to be authentic to live. Or to say it more directly : just to live, or have their iwn live befire dying for real. So many thanks to both you and Shaye 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
What a beautiful video and i am very happy for both families. Both Shaye and Cassie are beautiful women and Holly and Amanda should be proud of them. As a married transwoman myself, it is love for each other that held our marriage together. People may think we are creating a new person, but we are only changing our body to match our insides, we are still the same person. When it comes to sexuality, my wife is not attracted to other women, just me. When we transition from a heterosexual marriage to two women in a marriage, society tries to force us into the lesbian box. Sure we are still attracted to one another, but we just like to call it a heteroflexable marriage now.
Wow! This was just an amazing video! I'm completely overcome with emotions. The two of you explained things in such a loving way for others who need help to understand and are willing to learn. I'm not in the same situation, but I'm so thrilled to have more advocates for the LGBTQ+ community from LDS church. I feel this deep human connection with those who have broken from tradition to be authentic and loving, and what I would consider TRULY Christ like. If I were still the church going type, I would share my testimony on Fast Sunday about how strong "the spirit" was while I watched the two of you visit. 🙏 May you and your families continue to be blessed! ❤🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🖤🤍
These vid's are the best at explaining the trans situation. I'm so happy it is working out for you all. Some trans women find they are attracted to men after the transition and that is sad for the marriage.
Hi girls I am listening to your podcast and you are both amazing girls. I have been following you from the beginning and with the right help you can achieve most things. Lots of Love and prayers 😊🏝🦋💖🦮🙏🏻
YOU HAVE A RU-vid CHANNEL?!?! I’ve been following you both on Insta since I came out at Shaye was one of the girls that looked like me and gave me the confidence to come out.
I am not God or Jesus Christ to Judge, I commend these women to stand by their spouse. REGARDLESS IF ITS RIGHT OR WRONG THESE WOMEN ARE STRONG TO SHOW LOVE, GRACE AND EMPATHY TO THEIR SPOUSE. GOD BLESS YOUR FAMILIES!!! Truth be told.
As a trans woman myself I have every respect for you both, I do wonder how many others went through similar issues years ago when society just didn’t get it. Much as I think there’s a lot of sensationalism on some RU-vid etc videos I’m glad some actual knowledge & understanding gets through ❤😊
Thank you for sharing this story. Your wife is gorgeous! You're absolutely right - your story is just as imporatant as those of trans folk like myself. All the best for the rest of your journey.
In our truest essence, we are more than sexes or races. We are spirits. Earth is evolving and ascending, so we are ready to embrace these new ideas and concepts. In our truest essence, we are all just spirits who are on earth having experiences.
I am a brand new subsciber and love you both! You two are hilarious. I studied this topic as well in college. Our professor had us choose a controversial topic so I chose transgender. I researched and even added two famous transgender people in my Power Point presentation. They wanted my opinion and that is I don't judge. I love people for who they are. My good friend Matt born male at birth is now Madison and is one of the most awesome people I know. You both have my love and support. I am so glad I came across you. ❤
This is so moving and special and important. Thank you so much. I am a Transwoman and i came out to my wife Late January 2017 and started medically transitioning shortly after. My partner still struggles with all this. Lost my job in the pandemic in May 2020. Been putting off vaginoplasty as this is a huge step for her and me on this journey. Again this i very special what you are both doing with this content. Bless you and yours.
Vaginoplasty is a huge step on the journey. I took things slow and was open an honest with my wife and we discussed it in full. When your both ready, you will know. Sorry about losing your job during the pandemic, hopefully you found another job.
